Me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia – E 7 ngā tohutohu a te tohunga

Kei te rapu tohutohu koe mō te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia? He mea noa te hurihuri i roto i ngā porowhita o te korekore me te mamae i muri i tēnei wheako, me te whakaaro koretake i muri i te tinihangatia e te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Whai muri i ngā mahi uaua katoa i whakapaua e koe ki tēnei whanaungatanga, me te kore e whakahua i te haumi hohonu o te kare ā-roto, ka kotiti ke tō hoa, he pono uaua ki te tango.

Koia te take, e whai ake nei i ngā wā katoa o te pouri i muri i te moe tāne, te riri, te whakahē, te whiriwhiri, me te pouri. Heoi anō, he nui rawa te pānga o te tinihanga ki ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka taea e ia te whakaoho i ngā mate hinengaro pērā i te pouri, te manukanuka rānei, ā, ko ngā whakaaro pokanoa me te whakaaro nui he tohu noa iho.

Ina tupu tēnā, me whai tikanga hauora koe hei whakatau i te whakaaro nui, kaua e ruku hohonu ki te mahi, e inu rānei i tō mamae. Hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki aua tikanga hauora, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi kaiako oranga ngākau me te aro nui. Pooja Priyamvada (he tohunga ki te āwhina tuatahi mō te hauora hinengaro me te hauora hinengaro mai i te Kura Hauora Tūmatanui o Johns Hopkins Bloomberg me te Whare Wānanga o Sydney) he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō ngā mahi moepuku i waho o te marena, te wehenga, te wehenga, te pouri, me te mate, hei tauira noa iho. Pānuihia i mua mō āna tirohanga.

He mea noa te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia?

Ki te tinihanga tetahi i a koe, ki te kino atu rānei, ka ngana rātou ki te whakamārama i muri mai mā te whakapae i a koe, he mea noa te whakaaroaro nui mō taua mea, te noho rānei i roto i ngā ngaru o te whakahāwea i a koe anō. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te ngoikore koe, kei te pouri hoki mōu anō, kia mōhio koe he mea noa ēnei. ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te tangata i muri i te tinihangatia.

Pooja e kī ana, "I tēnei wā, ka tīmata te iwi ki te ruarua i te katoa. Kāore e taea e rātou te whakawhirinaki ngāwari, nō reira, ka nui rawa ō rātou whakaaro ki ngā kupu katoa i kōrerotia, i kōrerotia rānei, me ngā mahi a te tangata katoa e karapoti ana i a rātou. He wāhanga tino pōhēhē te noho tahi me te tangata i tinihanga, ā, ko te nuinga o te hunga i roto i te whakaoranga o te kore whakapono ka pā ki tēnei wāhanga. Ka kino koe ki a rātou, ka aroha koe ki a rātou. E hiahia ana koe ki te muru i a rātou engari he tino riri hoki koe."

Ka whakamārama anō ia i te pānga o te tinihanga ki te roro, "Ka pā te tinihanga ki te roro mā te arahi ki te pouri me ngā āhuatanga hauora hinengaro pēnei i te manukanuka, te ahotea mau tonu, me te pouri. Ka taea hoki e ia te whakahoki mai i ngā raruraru mamae o te tamarikitanga pēnei i te wehi kei whakarērea, te kore aro rānei o ngā mātua."

I mua i te tirohanga atu ki te aukati i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia, me rapu tātou i ētahi mea hei whakaoho i a koe i muri i te tinihangatia, hei ārai i a koe i te whakaaro nui:

• koutou te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō i muri i te tinihanga ka meinga koe kia whakahe kino i a koe anō, kia whakarite rānei i a koe ki te tangata i moe tahi ai tō hoa
• Tērā pea ka āwangawanga koe i te whakaaro, "Kei te haere tonu te mahi pūremu?", "Me pēhea rā mēnā ka tinihanga anō rātou i ahau?"
• Mena he raruraru whakarērea āu, he wheako rite rānei i roto i tō whanaungatanga o mua, tera pea ka noho koe i roto i te wehi tonu mō te "mehemea ka whakarērea ahau e rātou mō taua wahine/tāne kē"
• Mā ngā take whakawhirinaki koe e ruarua ai, e tātari nui ai hoki i ia kupu e puta mai ana i te waha o tō hoa.
• Mena ko te tuarua tēnei o ngā wā i tinihanga ai tō hoa i a koe, he mea maori te whakaaro nui ki te heke mai o tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Hipanga hei Whakaora Mai Mēnā kei te Māmingatia Koe e te Tangata e Arohaina Ana e Koe

Ngā Tohu e Whakaaro Nui Ana Koe Mō Te Tinihangatia

He aha te tangata ka tinihanga ai? Tērā pea he whakapehapeha, he mana rānei, he hiahia nui, he aroha rānei, he hoha rānei. Ko ētahi tāngata ka tinihanga nā te mea he iti ō rātou whakaaro ki a rātou anō, ā, ko te whakamanatanga mai i tētahi atu tangata ehara i te hoa rangatira ka pai ai ō rātou whakaaro mō rātou anō, ko ētahi ka tinihanga nā te mea kua whakawhiwhia ki a rātou he taurangi mō te noho muna, nō reira kāore rātou e wehi kei mau. Ko ētahi ka tinihanga nā te mea e wehi ana rātou i te whanaungatanga piripono, ko ētahi ka tinihanga nā te mea kāore anō kia tutuki ngā matea kare ā-roto, ā-tinana rānei i roto i tō rātou whanaungatanga o nāianei. Ko ētahi ka mahi i tēnei nā te mea ka whakahihiri i a rātou te harikoa o tētahi hononga huna.

He rerekē ngā take e ārahihia ai te hunga tinihanga, i runga i te āhua o te tangata ngā momo tinihanga. Engari, heoi anō, ko ngā hoa kua tinihangatia ka whai tonu i te kawenga mō rātou anō. Nō reira, ko te whakaaro nui rawa atu, ka uaua ake te haere whakamua i muri i te tinihanga. Anei ētahi tohu e whakaatu ana kei te noho noa iho aua whakaaro pokanoa mō te tinihanga i roto i tō mahunga:

• Kei te whakapae tonu koe i a koe anō mō ​​tō mahi pukumahi, mō ētahi whanonga rānei e whakarihariha ana tō hoa
• Kua tino aro nui koe ki tō tinana me tō āhua, ki tō āhua, ki tō haere me tō kōrero
• Kei te hiahia koe ki te tutei i tā rātou waea pūkoro, ki te waea atu rānei ki ō rātou hoa/hoa mahi kia tirohia anō ō rātou wāhi noho
• Ka tūpato koe ina kite koe i tō hoa e kōrero ana ki tētahi atu tāne/wahine
• Kei te aro tonu koe ki ngā taipitopito o te puremu a tō hoa – Kia pēhea te hohonu o te hononga o rāua ki tā rāua hoa moepuku? He moepuku noa iho, he mea rānei i uru atu rāua ki te kare ā-roto? I hea rāua i tūtaki ai? E hia ngā wā? He pēhea te āhua o te moepuku? He pai ake i tōu āhua? I whakaaro tō hoa ki a koe i a rāua e moepuku ana? I whakaaro rānei rāua ki a rāua i a rāua e noho tahi ana?
• Ka hoki mai anō ngā whakaahua o tō hoa rangatira me tā rāua hoa puremu i ia wā ka ngana rāua ki te pā atu ki a koe, ā, ka pā kino ki a koe. te whanaungatanga ā-tinana i roto i tō whanaungatanga

Me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia - Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga

Ka taea e te moepuku te whakakorikori i te turanga o tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, kāore koe i te hē ki te whakaaro nui mēnā i ahu mai tō oranga marena katoa, tō whanaungatanga rānei i te teka. He aha rātou i tinihanga ai i a koe? I pēhea te memeha o te aroha? Ka puta ake te whakaaro "He aha ahau?" i roto i tō hinengaro i ngā wā maha. Ko ngā pātai pēnei ka meinga te wikitoria i te tinihanga hei mea rerekē e kore e taea te wikitoria.

Heoi, kaua e aro ki ngā take i kore ai tō hoa e pono ki a koe. I tēnei wā tonu, me mōhio koe ki te whakamutu i te manukanuka i muri i te tinihanga. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ko te whakaae ki ō kare ā-roto katoa, kaua hoki e whakahē i aua kare ā-roto. Ahakoa he aha ō kare ā-roto, he tika ō kare ā-roto. Ā, ki te taea e koe te whakaatu i ēnei whakaaro, ka māmā ake te whakaora i te kore pono me te pouri mōu:

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1. Kāore he pānga ki a koe

He aha rātou i tinihanga ai? Tērā pea he ngoikore o te maia, he wehi rānei kei whakarērea. He tangata kei a rātou kāhua āpiti kore haumaru Nā reira ka uru atu rātou ki te aratau whakangaro i a rātou anō i te wā tonu ka tīmata te kino o te whanaungatanga. Ā, ko ētahi kāore e hiahia ki te whakaae ki te whakaaro o te marena kotahi, engari hei utu mō te tūhura i te kore-mono, te marena maha rānei, ka tinihanga rātou i tā rātou hoa.

Heoi, kotahi te mea e tino mārama ana, ko tā rātou whiringa te tinihanga i a koe, ā, kāore taua whiringa e pāngia e ō ngoikoretanga ahakoa e ngana ana rātou ki te whakaahua pērā. Ka taea e te tangata te tino harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga, te aroha ki tā rātou hoa, engari ka haere tonu ki te tinihanga. Ko te tino take, ko te hiahia ki te tinihanga kei roto i tōna hinengaro, ehara i te mea ko ō ngoikoretanga.

E kī ana a Pooja, "He mea noa te whakaaro kāore he painga i muri i te tinihangatia. Ka pā kino te tinihangatia ki te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō. Nō reira, me pēhea te wikitoria i te tinihangatia? Me whakamahara te tangata ki a ia anō ehara tēnei i te mea mō rātou anake, engari mō te whanonga a tō rātou hoa. Kāore te whakapae i a ia anō i te tika. Kāore tetahi e tika kia whakapaetia mō te whanonga a tētahi atu pakeke."

2. Kia mārama ki te hinengaro kei muri i te tinihanga

He aha te take e ngāwari ake ai ētahi tāngata ki te tinihanga me te teka, ko ētahi e noho pono ana, e pono ana hoki, me te kore e uaua? Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Ko te tangata, i runga i te āhua tūturu, ehara i te mea he takitahi te hoa. He mea hanga pāpori te takitahi, ehara i te mea he āhua tūturu. Heoi, ko ētahi tāngata e oati ana ki te takitahi ki ā rātou hoa, ā, e piripono ana ki tēnā me te whakapau kaha ki te kare ā-roto, ko ētahi e tuku ana ki ō rātou āhua takitahi. Ko te mea he o tēnei mea katoa ko te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki, ko ngā oati rānei ki a rātou anō, ehara i te whanonga tūturu o te hiahia ki te tini o te tangata." 

He māmā ake te whakaora i te pouri i muri i te moe tāne mēnā ka mārama koe ki te hinengaro o muri i te tinihanga. Ka kite koe he raruraru noa iho ā ētahi o ngā kai tinihanga, ā, he iti noa iho ā rātou mana whakahaere. Kāore mātou e kī ana he tika tēnei mō te puremu. Engari ka taea e ia te āwhina i a koe kia kaua e whakapae i a koe anō mō ​​ngā mea i tupu:

• Tata tonu rātou ka whana i te tutu me te takahi i ngā tikanga, koia te take i ētahi wā kāore te tangata tinihanga e whakaatu ana i te pouri
• Mā te rerekētanga ka puta te harikoa me te tere o te adrenaline ki a rātou
• Hei karo i te rongo i ō rātou kare ā-roto, ka hiahia tonu rātou ki ngā mea kāore e taea e rātou te whiwhi
• Ki ētahi o te hunga tinihanga, he tino hohonu rawa ngā take o tā rātou whakapau kaha, ā, kua pakaru te whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō, ā, ka whakakīia e rātou taua koretake me te koretake mā te mahi i tētahi mea 'kāore i te whakaaetia'.

3. Kimihia te 'take'

Ki te āta tirohia e koe, ka kite koe ko te haurua o ngā mea e nui rawa ana tō whakaaro he mea tito noa iho i roto i tō roro i roto i te riri nui, i te manukanuka rānei. Hei tauira, "Me pēhea mēnā kei te kōrero tonu rātou ki taua tangata i muri i ahau?", "Me pēhea mēnā ka ngaro taku taumaha? Ka aroha ia ki ahau i taua wā?" Ko te rohe 'me pēhea mēnā' he wāhi morearea hei noho. Nō reira, ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te mahi te wikitoria i te whakaponokore kia kitea ai te take e manukanuka ai koe mō ētahi mea ka tūpono, ka kore rānei e tūpono. Ka whakamārama atu mātou ki a koe me pēhea:

• Tuatahi, tuhia tētahi whakaaro manukanuka e whakararuraru ana i a koe
• Tuarua, kia mōhio koe he aha koe i tino pōuri ai mō tēnei mea
• Tuatoru, whakaarohia mēnā ka puta taua mea whakamataku, me pēhea te pānga ki a koe? Ka taea e koe te noho tahi me ngā hua ka puta?
• Tuawhā, he huarahi hei whakaoti i te raruraru, hei tauira mā te whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga?
• Tuarima, tuhia ngā hikoinga e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi, ki te kōrero rānei, kātahi ka whai i taua ara.
• Tuaono, ki te kite koe kāore he mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakarerekē i te huarahi mahi, hei kore rānei e pā ki a koe, me tuku atu taua whakaaro? Tahuna, horoia rānei te pepa?

4. Puta atu i te here o ngā taiepa e whā

Kāore rātou e kī ana he awheawhe te hinengaro mangere, kāore he take. Ki te noho pōuri koe i ia rā, i ia rā, me te noho pōuri i roto i tō rūma i muri i te tinihanga, ka pā kino ki a koe. Nō reira, ka pāngia tō mahi, me tō oranga pāpori hoki. Ā, ka pau koe i roto i ngā whakaaro pokanoa mō te kore pono o tō hoa.

Ki te hiahia nui koe ki te mōhio me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihanga, me tuku koe i a koe anō i tēnei whare herehere. Ahakoa mō te haora i te rā, haere ki waho, hikoi, titiro ki ngā kākāriki, ka manawa i te hau hou. Ā tōna wā, ina pai ake tō wairua, kōrero ki ō hoa me ō whānau ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto hohonu. Whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou, ka pai ake tō wairua, ā, ka kitea anō e koe te tikanga o tō ao.

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5. Whakaharatauhia ngā mahi whakatō whenua

Kia tū pakari, kia noho ki te ao o nāianei, kia tūpato hoki ki ia manawa e tangohia ana e koe. He tino āwhina te aroātahi ki te whakaora i te kore whakapono me te pouri. He ariā Buddhist tēnei e āwhina ana i a koe kia mōhio ake ki ō whakaaro me ō mahi, ā, e āwhina ana hoki i a koe ki te hono atu ki tō hinengaro, tinana, me tō wairua.

Āta haere, ka taea e koe te tuku i ngā āwangawanga o te ao rangitahi, ā, ka wātea koe i ō mamae. Te whakamārama i te ariā, te kaiako whakaaroaro aroātea Ririi Trivedi i kī atu ki a Bonobology, "Ko te Buddhism he oranga aroha. Ā, mā te aroātea tātou e āwhina kia aroha ki a tātou anō me ētahi atu. Ka ako i a tātou kia kaua e whakahāwea." Ka taea e koe te whakamātau i ēnei mahi hei mahi maharahara ā, whakakorea atu tō mamae o te whakaaro nui rawa:

• Haereerea te rūma, ka whakaingoatia kia rima ngā mea ka kitea e koe, kia rua ngā mea ka rangona e koe, me tētahi mea ka taea e koe te rongo.
• Takahia ō waewae, mirimiri ō ringaringa, hiki ake, totoro ake ō ringa ki runga, ka ngana ki te rongo i te kare o tō tinana
• Kia tūpato ki tō manawa. Whakapūhahia tō manawa i ngā tataunga e whā, pupurihia mō ngā hēkona e whā, ā, whakapūhahia tō manawa i ngā tataunga e ono.
• Titiro atu ki te mura o te rama mō ētahi meneti, ka ngana ki te whakaaroaro i ō whakaaro.
• Me ata noho, ahakoa i roto i tō rūma, i runga rānei i te papa tarutaru, ngana kia noho puku mō te tekau ki te rua tekau meneti.
• Whakamahia te whakaaroaro ma te arahi

6. Whakarerekētia tō whakaritenga noho

Ka uaua ake te neke whakamua i muri i te tinihanga ina noho tahi ana te tokorua, ā, kua tukua e tētahi te whakawhirinaki o tētahi. Ka rerekē te whanonga o tō hoa i muri i te hopukanga o te tinihanga. Ka rerekē pea tēnei huringa mai i te tono murunga hara me te whakaatu i te pouri ki te tino tiaki, ki te kore rānei e aro, ki te ruarua rānei ki te kōrero. Ā, tera pea ētahi te whakawhiti whakapae i roto i te whanaungatanga.

I waenganui i tēnei pōrearea, kāore rawa he wā, he wāhi rānei hei tukatuka i te ohorere, hei rongo hoki i ō kare ā-roto mō tō āhua hinengaro me te heke mai o tēnei whanaungatanga. Nō reira, e kī ana mātou, me whakarite koe i tētahi whakaritenga noho motuhake, me neke pea ki te noho tahi me tētahi hoa, me hoki ki te kāinga o ō mātua, me hoko rānei i tētahi BnB māu mō ētahi wiki. Mā tēnei ka hoatu he wā ki a kōrua kia mārama ai koe ki te huarahi e hiahia ana kōrua ki te mahi i te mahi e whai ake nei.

7. Ka nui ake te mamae o ngā rebounds i a koe

E mea tonu ana taku hoa, a Paul, ki ahau, "I muri i te tinihanga a taku wahine o mua i ahau, ka hiahia ahau ki te takaro noa, ki te toremi i ahau ki roto i ngā whanaungatanga noa, me te okioki i te herenga nui. He pai ki te whai whakaoranga hei whakakore i te tinihangatia? Ka taea e koe te kōrero mai me pēhea taku whakamutu i te whakaaro mō te tinihangatia?" 

Akoranga E whakaatu ana ko te 90% o ngā whanaungatanga whakaora ka mutu i roto i ngā marama e toru. Mai i te tirohanga tūturu, ka taea e tātou te kī he rite tonu te mahi a ngā whanaungatanga whakaora ki te hinu whakamarie i tō wairua pakaru i tēnei wā, engari kāore e taea te waiho hei otinga roa hei wikitoria i te pouri i muri i te puremu. Anei te take he whanaungatanga whakaora he nui ake te kino i te pai i te nuinga o te wā:

• Kei te uru atu koe ki tēnei mahi me te whāinga anake kia hae tō hoa/o mua, kāore e tika tēnei mō tō hoa hoki mai.
• I te mea kei te ngoikore koe i te taha hinengaro i tēnei wā, he nui te tūponotanga ka tukinotia koe.
• Ko ō raruraru whakawhirinaki me te whakarērea mai i te whanaungatanga o mua ka whakaaturia ki tēnei.
• I te nuinga o te wā, he hononga tinana noa iho ēnei, ā, kāore e kitea te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto e rapuhia ana e koe.

E mea ana a Pooja, "Kāore he kino o ngā whanaungatanga noa, kāore he take kia whakapumautia ngā whanaungatanga katoa. Ko te hē ko tēnei: ​​kei te rapu koe i te hoa ngaro i roto i ia hoa e noho tahi ana koe. Ko rātou tonu te paerewa koura o te aroha. Kei te noho tahi rānei koe me ētahi atu hei whakahāwea i a rātou, hei whakatau rānei i te hē ki a rātou. He tino whakamatautauria ngā hokinga whakamuri engari ehara i te mea nui ki te wikitoria i te tinihanga. Heoi anō, me whakatipu he hononga hohonu, motuhake ki tētahi tangata pono."

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8. Kimihia ngā huarahi hei tuku i te riri

Me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihanga? Āe, e mōhio ana mātou he nui te riri me te pōuri e puritia ana i roto i tō hinengaro, e puta ake ana hei whakaaro nui, hei manukanuka, hei pouri hoki i muri i te tinihanga. Ki te puta ēnei kare ā-roto kua pehia, ka māmā ake te taumaha i tō uma. Engari i te whakanui i tō reo, i te kōrero kino rānei ki ngā tāngata pai, me whai koe i tētahi huarahi hauora, ā, kāore he kino hei tuku i te riri, ā, anei ētahi o aua mea:

• Karanga!!! Ki roto i te urunga, i roto i tō waka kua raka, i runga rānei i te tuanui o tō whare tari. Tukua katoatia.
• Kimihia he rūma riri, he rūma pakaru rānei i tō rohe, ka pakaruhia ētahi taonga.
• Mahia he kawa horoi - tahuna ētahi whakaahua, ētahi reta rānei a tō hoa
• Haere ki te whare takaro ka patu i te putea onepu kia kaha rawa atu
• Ināianei, i te taha mārie, ka taea e koe te tuku i tō wairua toi ki waho, ki te waiata, ki te kanikani, ki te peita rānei i tō riri

9. Kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea he rite te katoa

rangahau e kī ana he tino uaua ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hoa kua tinihanga i a koe. Ko te hunga e pāngia ana e te tinihanga ka whakautu mā te pouri, te riri, tae noa ki te hiahia ki te whakahaere i tā rātou hoa. Ko te murunga hara e whakawhirinaki ana ki ngā āhuatanga maha pērā i te hara o te tangata tinihanga, te aroha me te ngākau aroha i waenganui i te tokorua, ngā huringa pai e whakaatuhia ana e te tangata tinihanga, me ētahi atu.

Ko te tinihanga ka arahi ki take whakawhirinaki Ehara i te mea ki te hoa rangatira anake, engari ki te tangata whānui hoki. Nō reira, me pēhea te mutu o te manukanuka i muri i te tinihanga? Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Me pakaru e tātou te arai hinengaro mō te tangata. Kāore te katoa, me te katoa o ngā whanaungatanga e rite ki te whanaungatanga o mua i pāngia ai koe e te mamae, te whanoke rānei. Me māia te tangata kia ngoikore anō ki tētahi. Me tuku te tangata ki te āwhina i ētahi atu, me te whakaatu kei te manaaki rātou, ā, he pono hoki."

Tirohia tēnei ara. Kua pōuri koe ināianei. Ina pakaru ō whakaaro pohehe, ka whakatata atu te ao ki te ao tūturu. I whakakahoretia e tō hoa tetahi mea māu, ā, inaianei kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe i tino oti. Engari ehara i te mea he whakaaro pohehe kei te hiahia koe ki tētahi atu hei mea kia tino oti koe? Kua tae ki te wā ki te titiro hohonu atu, kaua ki te tauhohe me te ngana ki te whakatika i tētahi atu. He mana tō tēnei kaupapa ki te whakatuwhera i tētahi taha wairua māu. E ai ki a Rumi, "Ko te patunga te wāhi e tomo mai ai te māramatanga ki a koe."

10. Ātete atu ki te whakamatautauranga ki te rapu utu

He maha ngā wā ka pātai atu ngā kiritaki ki a Pooja, "Tena koa, kōrero mai me pēhea taku whakamutu i te whakaaro mō te tinihangatia? Kei te hiahia ahau ki te rapu utu. E hiahia ana ahau kia rite tōna mamae ki ahau. I ētahi wā ka tono ahau ki te Atua kia tukuna ia ki roto i te mamae kotahi. He tangata kino ahau?" E kī ana a Pooja, "Ko te whakaaro rapu utu he tauhohenga tūturu ki taua mamae hohonu. Mena kāore te tangata e kino, e mahi rānei i runga i te mahere rapu utu e arahi ana ki te kino tūturu, he tūturu ēnei kare ā-roto. Ehara koe i te tangata kino."

Kia maumahara, i a koe e ngana ana ki te whiu i tētahi, ka mutu ko koe anō te whiu. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te tauhohe ki a rātou, ki te mahi rānei i tētahi mea kuware, pērā i a rātou. Engari, arotahi ki tāu e hiahia ana i te ao, me pēhea te kimi i te rangimārie i muri i te tinihangatia. Anei me pēhea te whakatau i muri i te tinihangatia e tō hoa, me te whakahaere i ngā whakaaro ki te whakatakoto mahere kino hei utu ki a rātou:

• Ki te hiahia koe ki te tahuri ki tinihanga rapu utu, whakaarohia anō
• Whakawhitihia tō pouri me tō mamae ki te tipu ake hei tangata takitahi
• Tangohia tēnei riri me te pōuri katoa, ka whakamahia ki roto i tō mahi. Ka hoatu he harikoa, he ngākau māhaki, me te wairua whakamana i a koe.
• Mā te whakapai ake i ia rā i roto i tō oranga whaiaro me tō oranga mahi ka nui ake pea te aroha i a koe.

Te pānui e pā ana: E 9 ngā pānga o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, e whakarārangihia ana e te tohunga

11. Me pēhea te ora ake i te tinihangatia? Kia arotahi ki a koe anō

Mā te toremi i a koe i roto i te waipiro, i ngā raau taero, i te moepuku, i te mahi rānei, ka whakararu pea i a koe mō tētahi wā poto, engari e kore e whakaora i tō mamae. Ka hoki mai anō te mamae kia ngana rā anō koe ki te kimi huarahi hei hohou i te rongo. I a ia e tohutohu ana me pēhea te whakatau i muri i te tinihangatia e tētahi e arohaina tonutia ana e koe, e kī ana a Pooja, "Ka roa te wā e memeha ai te mamae nā te mea he rerekē te tukatuka a ia tangata i te pouri me te mate." Ka tohaina e ia ētahi tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe i roto i tēnei wā:

• Karangatia, kia rongo koe i ngā kare ā-roto katoa
• Arotahi ki tō tukanga whakaora, kaua ki te mahi tinihanga
• Tīmata mā te kai hauora me te whakakori tinana
• Kia kaha ki te aroha ki a koe anō me te manaaki i a koe anō
• Kia mau ki to hauora hinengaro
• Kimihia ngā huarahi ataahua ki te whakaipoipo i a koe anō
• Kimihia he mahi whakangahau hou, whakaarahia anō rānei tētahi mahi whakangahau tawhito

12. Ngā huarahi hei neke whakamua i muri i te tinihanga? Tuhia ō whakaaro

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihanga, ngana ki te tuhi i ō whakaaro i roto i te rātaka. Ina whakaaro koe kei te ngaro tō mana whakahaere i ō whakaaro, ā, kei te haereere tō hinengaro i ngā whenua kāore i te mōhiotia, tuhia katoatia. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te pūkenga tuhituhi hei tuhi i ō whakaaro.

Whakamahia te huarahi rere-o-te-hinengaro, ka tuhituhi noa i te taenga mai ki a koe. Ko te titiro ki ō whakaaro i te pango me te mā he rite ki te titiro ki aua whakaaro mai i te tirohanga a te tangata tuatoru, ā, ka nui te māramatanga ka homai ki a koe. I muri i ētahi marama, ki te hiahia koe ki te hoki whakamuri ki ngā whārangi, ka whiwhi koe i te whakaaro mō te tawhiti kua tae mai koe mai i taua wā, ā, ka taea e koe te aroturuki i tō ahunga whakamua.

13. Rapua he awhina ngaio 

Hei whakamutunga, he mamae te puremu, ā, ka arahi pea ki te whakahekenga nui o te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō me ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki mō te oranga katoa. Koinei te pānga hohonu o te tinihanga ki te roro. Me whakaora hohonu ake te aro atu ki tētahi mea pēnei. Mā te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaora i ngā huarahi kāore e taea e koe te mārama. Mena kei te rapu koe i tētahi rōpū tautoko hoa tinihanga ipurangi, he torutoru ā mātou whakaaro:

• Te Whare Whakaora i te Whakapono
• Ngā Mōrehu o te Whakapono Kore Ingoakore
• Rōpū Tautoko Whakahē
• Rōpū Āwhina mō te Whakaponokore
• Te Ora i te Whakaponokore

Tērā pea ka pōhēhē koe mēnā me hoki anō koe ki tō hoa, me tuku rānei i a rātou kia haere. Tērā pea ka ruarua koe i waenga i te mea me whawhai koe mō rātou, me kaha rānei ki te wehe atu. Ko te rapu āwhina ngaio te mea nui i roto i ēnei āhuatanga. ngā kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū o Bonobology, pērā i a Pooja Priyamvada, ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki tēnei. 

Me pēhea te harikoa i muri i te tinihangatia? Me pēhea te whakarite kia kore tō hoa e tinihanga i a koe? Me pēhea te kimi i te rangimārie i muri i te tinihangatia? Ko te whakatau a Pooja, "Kōrerohia tō hoa, kōrerohia ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a koe me ō āwangawanga, ā, i te mutunga, whakaae kāore e pumau tonu ngā whanaungatanga katoa. Nō reira, ki te neke atu rātou i tētahi wā, ki te neke atu rānei koe, kāore he aha, engari me whakaae, kaua e tinihanga. Kāore e taea e koe te whakarite i tā rātou whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga; ka taea noa e koe te whakamārama i ō rohe me tō whakapau kaha."

Nā, kua mārama kē koe ki te huarahi hei whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihanga, me mutu tātou me te kīanga a Donald Driver, "Kaua e riri. Kaua e rapu utu. Kia pai ake. Kia tino pai ake. Kia ara ake. Kia tino pāngia koe e tō ake angitu, ā, kia wareware koe kāore i tupu." Kia mahara noa, kāore he he i a koe, ā, kāore te tākaro kēmu, te rapu utu rānei e āwhina i a koe. Mā te tuku noa i ō kaha ki ngā huarahi whai hua ka taea te whakaora i a koe. Arotahi noa ki a koe anō. Ka taea e ngā mea katoa te tatari.

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Hune, 2023. 

Me pēhea te wehe i a koe anō i tētahi – 10 Ngā Huarahi

9 Ngā Tohutohu a te Tohunga hei Mōhio mēnā kei te teka tō hoa mō te tinihanga

Te hinganga o te aroha i muri i te tinihanga - he mea noa, me te aha te mahi?

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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