Me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga – 11 Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga

Me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga? He pātai tino taumaha tēnei! Tērā pea kua pāngia koe e te meka i tinihanga koe i tētahi hoa pono, ā, kei te kai kino te hara me te koretake i a koe. I roto i tō ngākau, e mōhio ana koe he tika ake te mea e tika ana kia whiwhi tō hoa i tēnei, ā, me whakamārama taipitopito koe ki a ia. Engari me pēhea te mahi i tēnā? He aha te mea hei kōrero i muri i te tinihanga?

Me tuhituhi reta whakapāha koe, me kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi rānei ki a rātou? Me whakaatu e koe te pono katoa i muri i tēnei take? He pai ake rānei te ārai i ētahi wāhanga kia kore ai e mamae anō rātou? Ahakoa te mea i puta ai ō mahi o mua, kei konei koe inaianei, kua rite ki te tango i te kawenga mō ngā kino i puta i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, e tū ana mātou ki tō taha i a koe e whai ana i a koe. Me tino pōuri koe i tēnei wā, engari me titiro tātou ki te taha kanapa.

E whakanui ana koe i te hiranga o te mihi aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi kaha ki te whakatika i ngā hapa. Ko te mea pai pea ka hoatu e rātou he whai wāhitanga anō ki a koe. Engari he āhuatanga uaua kei mua i a mātou hei whakatau, ā, i whakaaro mātou me whai whakaaro te tohunga ki tēnei. Nō reira, i kōrero mātou ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Gopa Khan (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Tohutohu, M.Ed), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō te marena me te whānau, mō te tono murunga hara i muri i te tinihanga. E kōrero mai ana ia ki a tātou ngā mea katoa hei mahi me ngā mea kāore e mahia ina whakaaro koe ki te whaki i tō hara.

E 11 ngā Tohutohu a te Tohunga mō te Whakapāha i muri i te Tinihanga

Ka pono mātou – Kāore he huarahi māmā, he huarahi māmā rānei ki te mahi i tēnei. Kei te tata koe ki te whaki ki tētahi hoa e arohaina tonutia ana e koe, e whakautehia ana rānei e koe, kei te mau tonu rānei ō kare ā-roto ki a ia, i tinihanga koe i a rātou. Kei te tata koe ki te whakakorikori i tō rātou ao, me te kī atu kua pakaru tō rātou whakawhirinaki. Kei te mataku koe i te mutunga kore. ngā take whakawhirinaki whanaungatanga i muri i tēnei whaki.

Kāore he mea ngāwari, kāore hoki he mea māmā mō tēnā. Engari ka taea e koe te pono me te ngākau pono, ā, kaua e whakararuraru i tēnei mea mōu ake me tō hoa. Anei ētahi tohutohu a ngā tohunga mō te whakapāha mō te tinihanga i tō hoa:

1. Kaua e hanga kupu whakamāori

He aha te kupu hei kī atu ina tinihanga koe i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe? Huihuinga e whakaatu ana i enei:

• Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakatika i te tinihanga ko te tango i te kawenga mō āu mahi
• Kaua e hoatu he whakamārama, he take rānei mō te take i moe tahi ai kōrua
• Kaua e whakapau kaha ki te whakamārama i tō tinihanga
• Kaua e whakaaro ki ngā 'mehemea' me ngā 'engari', ā, kaua rawa e whakapae i tō hoa rangatira, i tō hoa rangatira rānei mō te moepuku.
• Kāore e whai hua te whakapae. Me kī noa "He hē taku i mahi ai." Kāore he whakamārama.

He māmā ake tēnei te kōrero i te mahi. Ina whaki koe i tētahi mea e mōhio ana koe ka whara i tō hoa me tō whanaungatanga, ka nui te whakamatautauranga ki te whai i te kupu "Engari i mahi ahau i tēnei nā te mea i mokemoke/i haurangi/i whakaaro ki a koe, me ētahi atu". Heoi anō, tera pea ka whakaora i a koe i tētahi wāhi iti noa iho, i roto i ōu ake kanohi me te kanohi o tō hoa.

Ko te mea nui, he tino ārai tēnā, inā koa i te tīmatanga o te whakapāha. Tērā pea he take i tinihanga ai koe, ā, tērā pea kei te mokemoke koe, kei te kore e makona rānei, te kore harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatangaEngari i tēnei wā, kei te whakaae noa koe kua kawea mai e koe tētahi atu tangata ki roto i tō whanaungatanga, he mahi tino mamae, ā, kāore pea e murua. Kaua e whakahua i ngā take me ngā take i tēnei wā tonu, mēnā he mea tika. Mā te rapu whakamārama ka puta te ahua me te mea kei te rapu huarahi koe.

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2. Kia tino pono, kia tuwhera hoki mō tō pouri mō te tinihanga

"He poto noa iho taku hononga ki tētahi hoa mahi, ā, me kōrero atu ahau ki taku tāne mō taua mea," te kī a Colleen, he tohunga pānuitanga nō Maine. Ka tāpiri atu ia, "I mōhio ahau kāore taku tāne e muru i ahau, ā, i whakaaro tonu ahau, 'Me aha te kōrero? Me pēhea te whakatakoto i te kōrero? Kia pēhea te roa ka whakaaetia e tētahi he whakapāha?' me ērā atu mea. Kātahi ka mōhio ahau, he pono tēnei, ā, me tino pono ahau ki ngā mea katoa nā te mea ehara tēnei i te tuhinga kiriata."

E whakaae ana mātou ki a Colleen. Kei te whakaae koe ki te teka me te tinihanga i konei. Kaua e whakanui ake i te kino mā te teka. Kāore koe e kōrero ana i tētahi pūrākau i konei, kāore he tangata e tatari ana mō tētahi taumata nui, e tumanako ana rānei mō tētahi tīmatanga kaha. Kia pono, ki a koe anō me rātou. Heoi anō, e whakatūpato ana a Gopa kia kaua e nui rawa ngā kōrero taipitopito:

• Ina whakapāha koe mō te tinihanga me te teka, me whakapuaki e koe te pono katoa me te kore e whakapaipai, e whakanui rānei.
• Waihoki, he ara anō tō te kōrero teka ki te puta mai, ā, ka taea e ia te whakakino nui i te whanaungatanga tae noa ki te kore e hoki mai.
• Heoi, kaua e hoatu he nui rawa ngā kōrero iti, nā te mea ka whakamahia pea tēnei e te hoa rangatira hei whakamamae i a ia anō i te hinengaro.
• Me tohatoha hoki ngā mōhiohio i te wā kotahi, kaua e hoatu noa i ngā wāhanga iti.
• Ahakoa he hononga poto, he te moe tāne i waho o te marena mō te wa katoa, mā te tuku kōrero ki te hoa rangatira kua tinihangatia i roto i ngā kōrero huna ka nui ake te kino ki te whanaungatanga

"He maha ngā wā ka akiaki ahau i aku kiritaki kia tuhi i ō rātou āwangawanga me ngā pātai, ka tuku atu ki tā rātou hoa rangatira kia whakautua. Mā tēnei ka kore e puta he tautohetohe, ā, ka taea e ngā hoa rangatira te pānui i ngā reta kia maha ngā wā, kia whai wāhi hoki ki te whakaora i a rātou anō," tāna tāpiri.

3. Kaua e whakaaro ka whakatikahia ngā mea katoa mā te whakapāha

He pai ki te mea he rite te ao me ngā whanaungatanga pakeke ki ngā pukapuka pakiwaitara a ngā tamariki e mihi ana koe, e pono ana hoki, ā, koinā anake te mahi hei whakatika i ngā mea. Engari, ehara i te mea koinā te huarahi e mahi ai ngā mea, nō reira kaua e whakaaro he whakapāha noa iho te mea e hiahiatia ana hei whakatika i ngā mea, ahakoa te tino tika o te kupu.

I a koe te whakapāha ki tētahi i whara i a koe, kāore e taea e koe te mahi i tēnei me ngā tumanako. Kāore e taea e koe te whakaaro, "Āe, i tinihanga ahau engari e hiahia ana ahau ki te whakaora i taku whanaungatanga. Ka mihi atu ahau, ka kōrerotia e ahau ngā mea katoa ki a rātou, kātahi ka hoki ngā mea ki tōna āhua o mua, ā, ka pai ngā mea katoa." Me whakaae koe ki ngā hua, ā, tera pea kāore i rite ki tāu i whakaaro ai.

Ahakoa ka whakapāha koe mō te whara i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, he tika tonu tā rātou kia kaua e whakarongo ki ō kōrero, ā, kia kaua rawa e murua ō hara i taua wā tonu, i te wā rānei e kore ai e murua. He tūponotanga tēnā me tango e koe ina whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga; ehara i te mea tika te whai i ngā tumanakohanga tino koretake. Me mea kia tino pouri tō hoa aroha ki te tinihanga i a rātou, ā, me tatari me te manawanui kia rite rā anō rātou ki te whakaae ki tāu tono.

4. Whakaaetia ka riri, ka pōuri, ka koretake hoki tō hoa

"Aroha mai mō taku tinihanga. He mahi kotahi noa iho tēnei, ā, e kore e tupu anō" – Me i pērā te ngāwari o te tuku reta whakapāha ki te hoa tāne mō te tinihanga (ki tō hoa wahine rānei) me te horoi i ō ringaringa i te aituā kino. Ko te mea pono, ka riri tō hoa. Kua pakaru noa iho tō rātou ngākau i a koe. Ka hiahia rātou ki te hamama, ki te hamama, ki te whiu i ō rātou riri ki a koe, ki te whakamatao rānei i a koe, maimoatanga puku mō ngā wiki i muri mai.

Tērā pea ka hiahia tō hoa ki te tiaki i a rātou anō, ki te oma atu rānei i te āhuatanga hei tiaki i a rātou anō. Arā, ka whanonga rātou i roto i tētahi āhua e kore e pai ki a koe, e kiia rānei he 'tika'. Engari i te mea ko koe te tangata kei roto i tētahi tūranga kua heke te matatika i konei, me tuku e koe he wāhi ki a rātou ki te whakaputa i ō rātou whakaaro. E kī ana tā mātou tohunga:

• Kia maumahara, kei te ngana rātou ki te whakatau i tā rātou tinihanga me te mamae
• Kaua e tumanako ki te atawhai, ki te mārama rānei i a rātou, kaua hoki e riria rātou mō te kore e whai whakaaro tika
• Kua pakaru noa tō rātou ao, me tuku koe kia whakahaeretia e rātou i runga i tā rātou ake huarahi, ahakoa kāore e mārama ki a koe.
• Me tumanako ka riri rātou (engari kaua e tukino ā-tinana, ā-waha rānei). Kaua e tauhohe ina riri rātou, kaua hoki e tīmata te whawhai.
• Kaua e tere atu ina kōrero ana rātou mō te raruraru. Kia tino aro atu koe kia mōhio ai rātou kei te hiahia koe ki te whakatika i tō hē.
• Kaua e tono kia murua e tō hoa te hara, kia wareware hoki ki a ia
• Kaua e mahi hei te hunga hara/whara, ka takaro hei patunga
• Kaua e akiaki, e whakahaere rānei i a rātou

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5. Me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga? Hangaia anō te whakawhirinakitanga

Ina whakaaro nui koe mō te tono murunga hara i muri i te tinihanga, kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea ko ngā kupu anake i roto i te reta whakapāha te mea nui, engari me pēhea hoki te tīmata mārire me te āta hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki me te hononga pakarukaru i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa. Ko te tikanga o tēnā ka riro i a koe te kawenga – i roto i ō kupu me ō mahi. Ahakoa te āhua kua tata mutu tō whanaungatanga, mā te whakapono anō ka mutu te whanaungatanga mō ngā taha e rua.

Kāore he huarahi kotahi hei mahi i tēnei, ā, tera pea ka ahua kore hua tō mahi uaua i te tīmatanga, engari he mea nui kia whai i tō whakapāha me te mahi tūturu. Ka whakaae tāua kāore pea koe e whakaingoatia mō te tohu 'tāne pai rawa atu' me te 'hoa pai rawa atu' i tēnei wā. Ko te mea iti rawa ka taea e koe ko te whakaatu i tō hoa e hiahia nui ana koe ki te whakapai ake i ngā mea. Anei te whakaaro a Gopa:

• Kia tino aro ki tō hoa rangatira, ā, kia āwhina whakatū anō i te whakawhirinaki ki tō whanaungatanga
• Tīmata ki te mahi auaha me te tuwhera ake ki a rātou
• Whakatipuhia te whanaungatanga me te aro nui. Kāore te aroha me te whakawhirinaki e tipu ake i a rātou anō.
• Kia ōrite te āhua o ō kupu me ō mahi, kia taea ai e rātou te whakawhirinaki ki a koe, kia taea ai e rātou te tuku atu i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki a koe.
• He whakapau kaha tēnei māu ki te mahi tahi me tō hoa rangatira ki te whakapakari i te whanaungatanga i ia rā, i ia rā, me te whakaora i a ia mai i roto.
• Kāore pea tō hoa e aro mai i te tīmatanga, engari kia maumahara, kei te mahi koe i tēnei māu anō, me ia anō hoki.
• Engari i te waha i te taumahatanga me ngā tohu o te noho hei hoa kore pono mō tō oranga katoa, he atawhai ake, he whai hua ake hoki te mahi ki te whakatau i ngā kōwhiringa pai ake.

6. Hoatu he wāhi ki tō hoa

Ina whakapāha koe mō te tinihanga i tō tāne, i tō wahine rānei, kia maumahara ka roa te wā me te wāhi kia mārama ai rātou ki te tinihanga me te ohorere. Ā, ko te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe ko te hoatu ki a rātou. He aha te mea hei kī atu ina whakapāha koe mō te tinihanga? Me pēhea te "E mārama ana ahau me whai wā koe, me whai wāhi hoki."

"I te wā i whakaae ai taku hoa kua pāngia ia e te tu kotahi po "I a au e haereere ana, ka tino pakaru taku hinengaro," te kī a Chris. "Kāore au i pai ki te noho tahi me ia i roto i te rūma kotahi, i te whare rānei. I te mutunga, ka mōhio ia ki tēnei, ā, ka haere ia ki te noho ki te taha o tētahi hoa mō tētahi wā. Kei te ngana tonu māua ki te whakatau i te take, engari nā taua wā wehe i taea ai e au te mārama ki te take, ā, kei te kōrero māua ināianei."

He momo mamae anō te mahi tahi me te hoa tinihanga, ā, pērā i ngā mamae katoa, me wātea te wāhi hinengaro me te wāhi tinana. Ko te noho tonu ki tō hoa, te tono murunga hara rānei, ehara i te mea pai i tēnei wā. Kua whakapāha koe. Ko te tumanako, he whakapāha pono. Nā rātou te tikanga inaianei kia whakaae ki tēnei i runga i tā rātou ake huarahi. Ko te whakautu ki te pātai me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga me te teka, ko te "pupuri i te tawhiti."

7. Whakaarohia te rapu āwhina ngaio

"Ina puta he hononga ā-ira, ka ngana te tokorua ki te tātari me te kimi i ngā take mā rāua anō," te kī a Gopa. "Kei te rapu te hoa i tukinotia i ngā take i puta ai te hononga ā-ira i te tuatahi, ā, kei te rapu te hoa tinihanga i ngā whakamārama mō ngā mea i ngaro i roto i te whanaungatanga, mēnā rānei he hapa."

"Tuatahi, ehara i te mea koinei te take i puta ai te moepuku. I puta te moepuku i runga i te kōwhiringa - I whiriwhiri koe ki te wehe atu, ā, i whakahāwea i tō whanaungatanga mā te whakauru mai i tētahi atu tangata ki roto i tō whanaungatanga. Nā te mea kei te te whaki i te tinihanga ki tō hoa, ko te kōwhiringa pai ko te rapu tohutohu takitahi mā kōrua, me te whakarite i tētahi wā kua whakaritea i te rā, i te wiki rānei, kia taea ai e ngā hoa tokorua te kōrero mārire, me te matapaki i te āhua o tō rāua whanaungatanga i mua, me tōna āhua o nāianei.”

Ka uaua te kōrero i muri i tō hopukanga i te moenga me tētahi atu. Koia te take he mea nui te whai i tētahi kaiwhakarongo kore whakaaro, whai mātauranga hoki, hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakaora i a koe. Ki te hiahia āwhina koe, mā Bonobology koe e āwhina. te rōpū kaitohutohu Kei konei a Mr. hei āwhina. He whakaaro pai tonu te rapu rongoā me te tohutohu whanaungatanga, ahakoa kāore koe e pāngia ana e te moepuku, e te raruraru whanaungatanga rānei.

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8. Kaua e whakaroa i te whakapāha

I īmēra mai tētahi kaipānui ki a mātou mō ngā tohutohu mō te whakapāha i muri i te tinihanga i tō hoa tāne. Kia rongo tātou i tētahi atu kaipānui, a David (28) nō Phoenix. E kī ana ia, "Kua roa ahau e tūtaki puku ana ki te whanaunga o taku wahine. I muri i tētahi wā, ka kī tonu ahau i te hara, ā, ka whakakorea e au. Kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga. I whakamahere ahau i tētahi whakapāha nui ki taku wahine, i whakamahere i taku e kōrero ai me pēhea taku kōrero, ngā kupu ka whakamahia e au. Engari i te taenga ki te wā, i wehi ahau kei kōrerotia e au. He wiki te roa i mua i taku mōhio kei te kino ake te āhua mā te whakaroa."

Ina whakaaro koe ki te whakapāha mō te teka me te tinihanga, kaua e mutu ki te whakamahere noa. Pērā i ngā āhuatanga uaua katoa, ko te huarahi ki te whakapāha mō te tinihanga i tō tāne, i tō wahine rānei, i tō hoa noho roa rānei, ko te haere tonu me te mahi. He pono, he mea uaua te haere tonu, ā, ka oati mātou kāore e rite ki tāu i whakaaro ai i roto i tō hinengaro. Engari me kī nui koe i ngā kupu, me te mahi i ngā nekehanga mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te neke atu i te huarahi e taea ai.

• Ko te mea tuatahi ka taea e koe ko te whakamahere me te tuhi i tāu e hiahia ana ki te kōrero
• Ko ngā reta whakapāha tētahi atu kōwhiringa mēnā he uaua te kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi
• Ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i tō ngākau ki tētahi reta whakapāha ki tō hoa tāne mō te tinihanga, te whakapuaki rānei i te pouri nui mō te tinihanga i tō hoa wahine.
• Heoi anō, me whai kōrero tika koe i muri i tēnā, kaua e tukua ki tō wehi.
• Ā, me mahi i te wā e taea ai e koe, me te kore e tukua kia ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti whanaungatanga haere ki te ara
• Ka nui ake te pānga mēnā ka aro atu koe ki te āhuatanga, kaua ki te tuku reta whakapāha mā roto i ngā hoa.

9. Ina whakapāha koe mō tētahi mahi tinihanga, kaua rawa e whakaaro ko koe anake te take

Me pēhea te whakapāha mō te tinihanga kare ā-roto? Āe, ahakoa he hononga kare ā-roto, he kihi kotahi, he mea tinana rānei, ka pā tēnei ture kotahi ki te katoa ina whakapāha koe ki te tangata tino nui o tō ao i tēnei wā. Kaua e waiho koe hei pokapū o te reta/kōrero whakapāha. He rerekētanga i waenganui i te whakaae ki te kawenga mō āu mahi me te kī ko te kino o ō kare ā-roto me te pēhea e mahi ai koe i tetahi mea hei utu.

Me whai aroha koe ki tō hoa rangatira me ōna kare ā-roto, ka kitea ēnei kare ā-roto i a rātou e pā ana ki te ohorere, te pouri, te riri, me ērā atu mea. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he aha te mea hei kōrero māu ina tinihanga koe i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, me kī noa ō whakaaro, me mārama ki tō hoa rangatira, kātahi ka hoki whakamuri. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki ngā whakapaipai tāpiri kia pai ake ai tō whakaaro mōu anō. Anei ētahi tohutohu mai i a Gopa:

• Kaua e whiua koe anō, kaua hoki e kī ko koe anake te tangata e whakapāha ana
• Kua haehaetia tō hoa rangatira kia miriona ngā wahi, ā, kua ngaro te whakawhirinaki ki a koe me tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Kāore e taea, ā, kāore e tika kia aro atu rāua ki ō mamae me ō raruraru.
• Me arotahi tōu aro ki tō hoa, kaua ki te takaro hei patunga, me te tuku noa i a koe kia noho hei tangata kino. ngā tohu hara tinihanga tangohia
• Ko te mea pai ko te aro atu ki ēnei i roto i ngā wā whakaora takitahi me tō kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro.
• Kaua hoki e whakaititia te raruraru, kaua hoki e warewaretia, me te mea he pōrearea noa iho te mahi taikaha i roto i te marena, ā, ka hoki ngā mea katoa ki tōna āhua o mua.

10. Mahi i runga i te pouri pono, kaua i te hara anake

Me pēhea te whakapāha ki tō wahine mō te tinihanga, mō te tuku rānei i te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa? Kia maumahara, ko te whakapāha he mea e pā ana ki te kī atu kei te pouri koe, me te whai tikanga. Ko te tikanga ehara i te mea he mahi atawhai noa iho tāu e mahi nei, engari nā te mea kua mōhio koe kua hē koe, kāore pea e murua ki ngā kanohi o tō hoa. Ā, kei te tino pouri koe mōna. Ahakoa te kī atu i tētahi whakapāha kotahi, kāore pea e pai, ahakoa ka whakamama i tō hara.

E mea ana a Gopa, "He mea tino nui te whiriwhiri i tāu e kōrero ai ina whakapāha ana koe mō te tinihanga, ā, he mea nui ake te āhua o tāu kōrero. He kiritaki āku e kī ana kua neke atu i te tau, ā, me mahi ā rātou hoa mahi." kia hinga te tinihanga wāhanga kua tae mai. Ka pātai mai rātou ki ahau kia hia ngā wā me mihi mai rātou. Ko taku tohutohu mō te mihi mai i muri i te tinihanga, me mahi i tēnei miriona wā mēnā e tika ana, ā, me whakaatu tō pono i ngā wā katoa.

"Āe, i ētahi wā ka hoha koe ki te whakapāha tonu, ki te hiahia rānei kia mutu te kōrero mō te mahi pōrearea, kia neke atu rānei. Engari ka taea anake te neke atu mēnā kua meinga te hoa kua tukinotia kia noho haumaru, kia tau te noho, kia mārama hoki. Ki te mau tonu te whakaaro kua tukinotia rātou, ā, kāore hoki i whakawhirinaki ki a koe, ko te tikanga kāore koe i te tino hiahia ki te whakatika i te whanaungatanga, kāore rānei koe i mahi kaha ki te whakaora i te marena."

11. Kia mārama te huarahi e hiahia ana koe ki te haere tonu i muri i te whakapāha

He mea nui te murunga hara i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, engari ko te mārama ki ngā mea e puta mai ana i muri mai he wāhanga nui o te whakapāha me te huarahi kei mua. Kia maumahara, tērā pea kāore tō hoa e hiahia ki ngā mea e hiahia ana koe. Tērā pea he uaua ki a rātou te muru i te ahua o tētahi atu tangata i roto i ō rātou hinengaro, ā, e hiahia ana rātou ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga/te marena. Mena koinei te āhua, kaua e ngana ki te whakarerekē i ō rātou whakaaro, kaua rawa i tēnei wā tonu. Mena ko te tuku i a ia te mea pai mō rātou, me mahi me te atawhai. Anei ētahi ngā mea hei mahi ina mau koe i te tinihanga i muri rānei i tō whaki i te mahi kino katoa:

• Kia mārama koe ki ngā mea e hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa
• Kei te hiahia koe ki te haere tonu me tō marena/whanaungatanga?
• Kua hinga koe i te tangata i tinihanga tahi kōrua, ā, he mea tēnā e hiahia ana koe ki te whai?
• Kei te hiahia kōrua ki te haere ki te whai i te tohutohu me te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki?

Ina whakapāha koe i muri i te tinihanga i tō hoa tāne, i tō hoa wahine rānei, me mahi i te taahiraa tuatahi ki te mea e whai ake nei. E kore e ataahua ahakoa te huarahi e haere ana, ā, he nui te tūponotanga e kore e eke ki tāu e pai ai. Engari kei a koe te tikanga kia mārama koe ki ō ake whakaaro, kia piri tonu ki aua whakaaro kia tino kaha. Ki te kore kōrua ko tō hoa e whakaae tahi, he pai ake te tuku i a kōrua, te whakamutu rānei i te whanaungatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: He Tirohanga Whānui mō ngā Wāhanga o te Hara i muri i te Tinihanga

Hei whakamutunga mā Gopa, "He maha ngā wā, ka pā te riri ki te hoa rangatira kua tukua, ka hanga hononga i runga i ō rātou whakapae ki a koe. Ka taea e ēnei mea whakahihiri te whakapono kei te tinihanga anō koe i a rātou, ā, ka hōhonu ake te whakawhirinaki ki te marena. Ahakoa te uaua o te whakarongo ki ō rātou mamae me te pōuri, ngana kia kaua e tiaki i te mamae, kia kaua e whakakorekore, kia manawanui rānei kia mawhiti atu rātou. Mā te noho tahi me rātou, te whakarongo ki a rātou me te kore whakahē, me te noho hei he whakarongo pai, ka nui te āwhina i a koe ki te whakaora i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.”

"I tinihanga ahau i taku hoa tāne, ā, e pouri ana ahau" – Kei te mahara koe ki te tīmatanga? Ko te tumanako i āwhina tēnei tuhinga i a koe ki te kimi i tētahi whakautu mō te whakapāha mō te tinihanga i te mea e arohaina ana e koe. Kāore e kore, koinei tētahi o ngā mea tino uaua ki te mahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko ngā kupu e whakamahia ana e koe, te āhua o tō whakapuakitanga i a koe anō, ngā mea e mahia ana e koe i muri mai hei takitahi me te tokorua – he mea nui katoa ēnei. Ka puta te mamae o te ngākau, te riri me ngā kare ā-roto kino, ā, me manawanui koe ki te pupuri i ēnei mea katoa kia ora ai te whanaungatanga i hangaia e koe i runga i te aroha.

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Ākuhata 2023. 

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