Ko ngā whanaungatanga e tīmata ana i runga i te oati mō tētahi ara roa o te harikoa me te noho tahi, ka pāngia pea e te raruraru, ka waiho pea rātou kia iri noa iho. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka taea e te kōrerorero whakaora me tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mātau te whakaora i te whanaungatanga, ahakoa kua whakarērea e ngā hoa e rua.
Kei te pāngia kōrua ko tō hoa e tētahi raruraru, e ētahi rerekētanga rānei e kore e taea te whakatau? Kua whakaaroaro kē koe mēnā ko te whakatau tika te haere ki te rongoā ā-tāne, ā-wahine rānei? Pānuihia kia mōhio ai koe he aha te rongoā kōrero, me pēhea hoki te huarahi i kitea ai e ēnei tāne, wāhine e ono, tēnei huarahi.
He aha te Whakaora Kōrero?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko te rongoā kōrero, e kiia ana hoki ko te hinengaro hinengaro, he tikanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te kōrero mō ngā kare ā-roto me ngā whakaaro hei whiwhi tirohanga ki ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i te tangata. Ka whakawhirinaki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro me ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki te whānuitanga o ngā tikanga rongoā kōrero hei āwhina i te tangata ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro tuturu mō te take e raru ana rātou. Ka taea ēnei te ahu mai i te whanonga ki te ariā hinengaro me te whakapuakitanga mā te toi me te tuhi.
Ngā painga o te rongoā kōrero ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e raru ana i roto i ā rāua whanaungatanga. Nā te mea he māmā ake te kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai mātauranga i te kōrero ki a rāua anō ina pāngia ana e ngā raruraru whanaungatanga ngā hoa tokorua.
Ehara i te mea ka whakarongo noa te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei, engari ka whakawhirinaki hoki ki ngā tikanga kōrero kua whakamatautauria hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i te whakautu ki ō raruraru. Ka hoatu he taiao haumaru ki a koe hei tangi, hei hamama, hei noho puku, hei kōrero rānei, me te whakatau i ō kare ā-roto. Ka taea e te wheako te āwhina i te tangata ki te titiro ki ō rātou āhuatanga mai i tētahi tirohanga hou. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i te tango i tētahi huarahi hou, huarahi rerekē rānei hei whakatau i ngā take.
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Mēnā he rongoā mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, te tohutohu whanaungatanga, he tikanga ka taunekeneke te tokorua ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro takitahi. I te mea kei te piki haere te rongonui o te ariā o te kōrero whakaora ipurangi, i ēnei rā ka whakahaerehia hoki ēnei wāhanga mā te īmēra, te waea, te waea ataata rānei. Te rongoā kōrero tuihono e huna ana i te tuakiri o te hunga kāore e pai ki te kōrero whānui mō ō rātou take whanaungatanga.
Haunga tēnā, nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia ki te haere ki te kaitohutohu mō ngā wānanga, he māmā ake te whai i ngā kōrero.
He aha te whakamahinga o te kōrero whakaora?
Ae, ko te rongoā kōrero te tikanga e whakamahia whānuitia ana i roto i te kaiārahi whanaungatanga. Heoi, kāore i te herea noa ki reira tōna mahi. Nō reira, he aha te whakamahinga o te rongoā kōrero?
Ka taea e ia te āwhina i te hunga e raru ana i ngā āhuatanga maha. Ka taea e te hunga katoa e pāngia ana e ngā raruraru kare ā-roto, e pāngia ana rānei e tētahi wā kino o te ao te whai hua mai i te rongoā kōrero. Ko ētahi o ngā whakamahinga matua o te rongoā kōrero ko:
- Nga take hauora hinengaro: Nga take hauora hinengaro penei i korekore, ngā mataku, ngā mate kai me ngā waranga. Ka whakawhirinaki hoki ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki te kōrero whakaora mō ngā take e pā ana ki te manukanuka, nā te mea ka āwhina tēnei huarahi i te hunga e pāngia ana kia nui te ahunga whakamua. Haunga tēnā, ka whakamahia hoki hei whakahaere i ngā āhuatanga hauora hinengaro nui pērā i te mate bipolar, te schizophrenia rānei, me te rongoā.
- Te aro atu ki te whara: Ka āwhina hoki i te tangata kia pai ake te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga pōuri o te ao pērā i te matenga, te ngaronga o te mahi, te ngaronga pūtea, te kore tamariki, te tukino rānei.
- Te whakatau i te mate: Ko te hunga e pāngia ana e ngā mate hauora mau tonu, e mōrearea ana rānei ki te ora pērā i te mate huka, te mate ngakau, te mate pukupuku, te mate maha-sclerosis, te momona, ka taea hoki e rātou te whakahaere pai ake i ō rātou oranga hinengaro mā te kōrero whakaora.
- Ngā āhuatanga whaiaro uaua: Ko ngā whānau e wehe ana, e pāngia ana rānei e ngā āhuatanga uaua pēnei i te waranga, te tamaiti he hiahia motuhake, he raruraru rānei i te wā e neke ana, ka whai hua anō hoki i ngā wā kōrerorero ā-rōpū hei whakaoraora.
- Te riri: He whai hua anō hoki mō te whakahaere i te riri
- Nga take hononga: Ko te tikanga, koinei te whiringa matua mā ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro ina tae mai ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga. Mai i te kore e taurite ki ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, te puremu, ngā raruraru pūtea, te kore tamariki, ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira - ka taea e ia te āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakaoti i ngā raruraru maha.
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E hia te utu mō te kōrero whakaora?
He rerekē te utu mō te kōrero whakaora i te US, i runga i te wāhi e noho ana koe, te momo raruraru e pā ana ki a koe, me te wheako me te tohungatanga o te kaiwhakaora. Ko te utu toharite ā-motu mō te kōrero whakaora kua whakaritea ki te $90. Ka taea te utu mō te wā whakangungu ia haora i waenga i te $60 ki te $120. Heoi, i ngā tāone nui pēnei i a New York, ka taea te utu mō te wā whakangungu kotahi i waenga i te $200 ki te $300.
I te nuinga o ngā wā, ehara ēnei i te mea kapi ana e te inihua. Ko te utu nui o te rongoā he mea e pā ana ki tōna āhua whaiaro. Ahakoa rā, kei te piki haere te rongonui o tēnei take. He maha ngā whakahaere e akiaki ana kia kapihia ngā wā rongoā e te inihua, i te mea 1 i roto i te 5 Amerika tērā pea ka hiahiatia he rongoā ā tētahi wā.
Mena kei te raru kōrua ko tō hoa i te whanaungatanga, ka taea e kōrua te rapu kōrero whakaora ipurangi mō te $15 ki te $35 mō ia wāhanga mai i tā mātou rōpū kaitohutohu.
He aha ngā momo kōrero whakaora e whā?
Ko ngā tikanga kōrero whakaora e whakamahia ana hei aro atu ki ngā momo take rerekē ka taea te wehewehe whānui kia whā ngā momo. He huarahi pūtaiao te hanganga o ia o ēnei, ā, kua hangaia hei āwhina i te tangata ki te whakaoti i ā rātou take. I runga i te pai o te take, ka taea e te kaiwhakaora te whakamahi i tētahi, i tētahi ranunga rānei o ngā tikanga kōrero whakaora rerekē.
Ko ngā momo kōrero whakaora e whā ko:
1. Ngā rongoā whanonga hinengaro (CBT)
I te whakamahi i ngā rongoā hinengaro-whanonga, ka whakawhirinaki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki ngā tikanga pūtaiao hei whakarite i ngā wā whakarite. Ko te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te kaitiaki o te kōrero, e ārahi ana i ngā raruraru kei mua i te aroaro me ngā otinga whai hua hei whakatika i aua raruraru.
Ko te arotahi ko te āwhina i te tangata kia kite me pēhea te pai ake o ō rātou kare ā-roto mā te tauhohe rerekē ki ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou whakaaro. Ko te wero i ngā whakaaro kino, te whakamātau rānei i ngā mahi hou ētahi o ngā huarahi e whakamahia whānuitia ana i roto i te CBT.
He maimoatanga poto tēnei e ono ki te 24 ngā wā. He tino āwhina te CBT mō te hunga e hiahia ana ki te rapu otinga mō tētahi raruraru o nāianei me te whai whāinga mārama. Hei tauira, he tokorua e hiahia ana ki te whakatau i ō rāua rerekētanga kia angitu ai te whanaungatanga.
2. Te rongoā whanonga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero (DBT)
He rite tonu te rongoā whanonga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te CBT. Ko te rerekētanga anake ko tēnei huarahi e uru ana hoki ētahi tikanga whakaaroaro. He tino āwhina tēnei mō te hunga he raruraru tonu pērā i ngā mate kai, mō te hunga rānei e whakaatu ana i ngā hiahia whara i a rātou anō pērā i ngā whakaaro whakamomori.
He whai hua te DBT i roto i ngā mahi tohutohu takitahi, takirua, rōpū rānei.
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3. Ngā rongoā hinengaro-ā-tinana
Ko te huarahi o tēnei tikanga kōrero whakaora he tūhura i te pānga o ō wheako o te tamarikitanga ki ō whakaaro, ki ō whanonga, ki ō whanaungatanga me ō kare ā-roto. Mā te whiwhi i tēnei tirohanga, ka taea e te tangata te whakarite pai ake ki te whakatau i ngā āhuatanga uaua.
Ko ngā rongoā hinengaro-ā-tinana e ahu mai ana i ngā whakaaro o Sigmund Freud engari kua tino whanake haere i roto i te rautau kua hipa. He pai tēnei momo rongoā kōrero mō te hunga e pāngia ana e te pouri, te mate ahotea muri-whara, waranga, manukanuka, mate kai rānei.
4. Ngā rongoā ā-tangata
Ko tēnei huarahi whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e whakamahi ana i te huarahi tangata-katoa hei āwhina i te tangata ki te whakatau i ōna raruraru. Ka whakamahia he ranunga o ngā mahi me ngā ariā hei āwhina i a koe ki te whanake hei tangata, me te arotahi ki te akiaki i a koe kia tutuki ai tō pūmanawa katoa.
Mā ngā whakaora tangata koe e āwhina ki te tūhura i tō whanaungatanga ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē o tō tinana pērā i ngā kare ā-roto, ngā whanonga, te hinengaro, te wairuatanga. Me tō whanaungatanga hoki ki te hunga e karapoti ana i a koe – te whānau, te hoa rangatira, ngā tamariki, ngā hoa mahi, ngā hoa me te hapori whānui.
Ka taea te whakamahi i tēnei mēnā he te tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine mehemea kei te hiahia ngā hoa e rua ki te tūhura i ngā mea ka taea e tō rāua oranga ngātahi mā te titiro ki ō rāua raruraru mai i ngā tirohanga rerekē.
He pēhea te whai huatanga o te kōrero whakaora?
Ina tae ki te rapu āwhina ngaio, ko te pātai mō te whai huatanga o te kōrero whakaora he mea nui ki te hinengaro. E whakamahia ana ngā tikanga kōrero whakaora e ngā tohunga hauora hinengaro hei whakatika i te whānuitanga o ngā take, ā, he rerekē te whai huatanga i runga i te wāhi e whakamahia ana me ngā take e pā ana.
Ahakoa rā, i roto i te ao whanaungatanga, e kiia ana koinei tētahi o ngā taputapu tino whai hua hei whakakī i te āputa i waenga i ngā hoa aroha. Mēnā rānei, hei ārahi i a rātou ki te ara hei whakatika i ngā pakaru o te whanaungatanga. Kāore koe e hiahia kia noho ki tētahi wāhi pōrearea, ki tētahi wāhi rānei e kore e pai ana te whanaungatanga. te whanau paitini kia whakaarohia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whakaora. He pai tonu ahakoa i ngā wā e kore ai e tutuki te whanaungatanga o tētahi, o rāua rānei.
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Ko ngā painga matua e rima o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hei oranga mō te tokorua:
1. He tirohanga whānui
Ina tino piripono koe ki tētahi, ka taea e koe te ārai i ō ake kare ā-roto. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka uaua te kite i te whanaungatanga tūturu. Haunga tēnā, ki te rerekē ō tirohanga mō tētahi take, ka uaua pea te kite i te tirohanga a te tangata me te kore e whakahē, e whakaaro pākiki rānei.
Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te tuku tirohanga whānui ki ngā āhuatanga o te ao, kia mārama ake ai kōrua ki a kōrua anō, kia māmā ake ai hoki te whakahaere i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Mā tēnei ka taea hoki te arotahi i tō kōrua aro ki ngā take e tika ana kia mahihia e kōrua.
2. Whakawhitiwhiti korero whai hua
He mea noa ngā arai whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ko ērā e kitea ana he 'harikoa' me te 'hauora'. Ina pāngia te whakapehapeha me te whakahāwea, ka uaua pea te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro ki tō hoa. Me tukatuka hoki, me mārama hoki ki ō rātou whakaaro.
Ki te kore koe e tino tātari i ō tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka uaua pea te tautuhi i ngā wāhi raruraru.
I te nuinga o te wā, e mōhio ana ngā hoa e rua ki te raruraru engari kāore e mōhio me pēhea te whakapā atu ki tētahi hei whakatau. Kua whakangungua ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki te ārahi i tā kōrua whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te huarahi tika mā roto i ngā kōrero, ngā mahi whakaharatau, ngā tikanga, me ētahi atu taputapu.
3. Te kimi i ngā ngoikoretanga
He maha ngā wā ka puta ngā raruraru whanaungatanga i ngā ngoikoretanga e kawea mai ana e ngā hoa e rua ki te tēpu. Heoi, ehara i te mea ngāwari te kōrero mō ēnei mea i te mea tuwhera, i te mea wātea hoki. Tērā pea kāore koe i te mōhio kei te puta mai ētahi tauira whanonga i ō ngoikoretanga me ō āwangawanga. Tērā pea kua huna e koe ō ngoikoretanga ki roto, ā, kua huna hoki e koe ki roto, ā, kāore e taea e koe te kite i aua ngoikoretanga.
Ka taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te āwhina i te wetewete i aua mekameka o te manukanuka me te mataku. Tērā pea. Tērā pea he raruraru whakawhirinaki kei a koe e aukati ana i a koe ki te hono atu ki tō hoa rangatira. Tērā pea kua ārahi ētahi wheako mamae i a koe ki te whakapono kāore e taea e koe te kimi i te harikoa pono i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, kāore koe e whakaū i a koe anō, kāore hoki e tono i tāu e hiahia ana, engari kei te mau tonu te kore e makona ki tō whanaungatanga.
Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai whakangungu te āwhina i a koe ki te aro atu ki aua wehi ngaro, me te ako hoki i a koe me pēhea te whakapuaki i aua wehi ki tō hoa me te mārama, me te kore e whakaiti i a koe anō.
4. Te whakaputanga hauora
He maha o tātou kāore anō kia tutuki ngā tumanakohanga mai i ā tātou whanaungatanga, e whakaaro ana rānei ētahi āhuatanga kāore i te eke ki te taumata. Heoi, i te nuinga o te wā ka whakatauhia e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine mā te 'whakatakoto' - arā, ka tukuna e rātou he kōrero ki tētahi atu rōpū (he hoa tata, he tuākana, he teina rānei) mō ēnei take, kātahi ka hoki anō ki ngā mahi o ia rā i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he pai te tuku kōrero, kāore he hua mena kāore kōrua ko tō hoa e mōhio ki ngā mea e whakaarohia ana e tētahi atu he 'take' he 'wāhi raruraru' rānei.
Ko tētahi o ngā painga matua o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ko te ako i a koe ki te whakaputa i ō whakaaro ki a koe anō me te kore e whakapataritari, e whakaoho tautohe rānei. Mā tēnei ka ara ake te huarahi mō te tipu o te whanaungatanga. Haunga tēnā, kei te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te whakangungu hei āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka, ki te tātari, me te ārahi i ō whakaaro ki te huarahi tika – he mea kāore pea i te hoa.
5. Te whakatakoto i ngā tohu paetae whanaungatanga
Ahakoa he mea nui te noho i tēnei wā, me te hopu i ngā wā katoa o te noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira, he mea nui anō hoki te whakamahere mō te heke mai. Ina koa, mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi hononga pumau, mō te wā roa. Heoi anō, ko ngā tirohanga rerekē mō te āhua o tō heke mai tahi ka waiho hei take mamae.
I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ka taea te whakamahi i ngā tikanga kōrero whakaora hei wawahi i te raruraru me te kimi i te huarahi waenga. Mai i te marena ki te whānau tamariki, te whakamahere pūtea, ngā whakataunga mahi e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga, ngā whakaritenga noho, ngā tumanakohanga mō te whanaungatanga piripono – ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro whakangungu te āwhina i a koe ki te mahi i roto i ngā wāhanga maha hei whakatakoto i ngā tohu paetae whanaungatanga e pai ana mō ngā hoa e rua.
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Kua karohia e koe te rapu āwhina me te whakaaro he moumou taima te rongoā hinengaro? Me pēhea e taea ai e te tangata tauhou te āwhina i tētahi āhuatanga ina kore e taea e te tokorua e piripono ana ki tētahi whanaungatanga te āwhina. Akene me whakaaro anō koe. Ka whai hua ngā hoa mahi i te rongoā hinengaro kōrero mā te āwhina i a rātou ki te tiro i te heke mai o tō rātou whanaungatanga i runga i te whai tikanga.
Ko ēnei kōrero tūturu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tokoono i whai hua mai i te kōrero whakaora hinengaro hei tohu:
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1. Te whakatau i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ngoikore
E kī ana a Snigdha Mishra: Tekau tau a Rajat rāua ko Ayesha e noho tahi ana hei tokorua harikoa, ā, i kite rāua i a rāua anō he hoa pai, he rerekē ō rāua āhua. He rerekē ā rāua momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Koinei te take i tino mamae ai te whanaungatanga.
He tangata huna a Rajat, kāore i te ngāwari ki te tuku i ōna whakaaro, engari ko Ayesha ia i whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro me te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa. I whakaaro ia ko ia te tangata i mahi i te mea nui. te hiki taumaha i roto i te whanaungatangaMai i te whakatau i ngā whāinga o te ao ki te whakatau i ngā whakataunga nui me ngā whakataunga kore-nui. I pōuri ia, i manukanuka hoki mō ngā mahi katoa i mahia e ia i roto i te whanaungatanga.
He maha ngā wā ka whakaaro a Rajat kua whakahengia ia, kāore i te mārama, ā, i 'whakapoauautia' hoki e Ayesha. Nā tōna koi me tana tirohanga ki te ao i pātai ai ia ki tōna hinengaro me tōna whakaaro whaitake.
Ko te mea i āwhina i a rātou ko te whakaaro i a rātou anō me ō rātou ake kaha takitahi e kawea mai ana e rātou ki roto i te whanaungatanga. Mā te āwhina o te kōrero whakaora, ka tīmata rātou ki te arotahi ki ngā kaha hei tautoko i te whanaungatanga. Nā tēnei i āwhina ki te neke i te arotahi mai i ngā ngoikoretanga hei hapa nui ki ngā poraka hanga mō ngā pūkenga whakapai ake.
Haunga tēnā, ka tīmata rātou ki te tango i ngā tūranga kore-ira tangata, me te tango i ngā whakaaro kare ā-roto hei whakaoti i ngā mahi. Mēnā rānei, ka hono te mahi i tētahi mea ki te ngoikoretanga o tā rātou hoa. E ono marama te roa o ngā wā mahi ia wiki, ia rua wiki hoki, me te hararei hoki o tētahi tokorua i waenganui, hei whakatau i ngā raruraru.
He uaua te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whakaora mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine nā te mea me whakapau kaha tonu te tangata me te tāne me te wāhine kia puta ai ngā huringa pumau. Mā te kaiwhakaora pai e āwhina te tāne me te wāhine ki te whakatutuki i ngā whāinga iti o ia rā, kia kitea, kia inehia hoki, kia hoatu ai he tumanako me te hihiri ki te tāne me te wāhine.
2. Ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te ōrite
Joie Bose ngā whakapuakitanga: Ko te kōrero te mea whakamutunga e mahia ana e te tokorua. Koinei te mea e arahi ana ki te wehenga nui. He mea nui tonu mō te whakapehapeha me te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. He mea anō hoki mō te kore e tutuki i ngā tumanakohanga. I pāngia tētahi tokorua i haere mai ki ahau e tētahi mea rite tonu.
I a rātou he he marena whakarite ā, i hiahia te katoa kia whānau mai he pēpi i muri mai. Engari kāore te kōtiro i rite. Nō reira, kei runga i te whenua wiri tō rāua marena. I mea te tāne ahakoa tāna e mea ai, ahakoa tāna e hoatu ai ki a ia, kāore ia e makona. He pukuriri tonu ia.
Kāore ia i te mōhio he aha ia i kore ai e hiahia ki tētahi pēpi, koinā hoki te kaupapa matua o tā rāua marena.
I tetahi atu taha, i whakaaro te wahine kei te ngana te tāne ki te hoko i tōna aroha! Koinei te take i kore ai ia e hiahia ki te whānau tamariki. I a rāua e kōrero ana mō tēnei mea, ka kitea ko te tikanga o te tāne he tāne kaha ko te tangata ka taea te whakarato i ngā mea papai katoa ki a ia. Nā te mea kāore ia i te maioha ki tēnā, i whakaaro ia kua whakarihariha ia ki a ia.
Kāore i whakatuwheratia te tatau ki te ngākau. Koinei tētahi o ngā raruraru nui i waenganui i a rātou, i roto i ngā mea maha atu. E whitu, e waru rānei ngā marama mai i tō rātou taenga tuatahi mai ki ahau.
E ai ki taku whakaaro, ka hikoi rātou i te ahiahi, kāore e whakaaetia ngā taputapu. He nui te wā e wātea ana ki a rātou ki te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi, ki te hono atu hoki. Āe, ka tukuna mai e rātou he pūrongo ki ahau. Ki taku whakaaro i āwhina te kōrero whakaora i a rātou.
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3. Ko te taikaha i te sex
Gopa Khan ngā tiritiri: Ko Mathew rāua ko Margaret tētahi o aua tokorua i haere mai ki te whai i te tohutohu mō ngā tokorua. Neke atu i te tekau tau rāua e marena ana, kāore he tamariki, ā, he pai ā rāua mahi. He rite tonu ki tētahi marena tino pai, nā te mea he maha ngā āhuatanga e rite ana te āhua o te tokorua.
Heoi anō, he mea huna tā Matiute taahitanga wahine' i tīmata tēnā i tōna taiohinga engari kāore ia i tino whakaae. He nui ngā rauemi kanorau me ngā ataata a Mathew e mātakihia ana e ia i ia rā. I tino pāngia te oranga marena o te tokorua.
I whakararuraru hoki i te whakaaro nui me te whakapono o Margaret ki a ia anō.
Kua mutu te whanaungatanga o rāua. Te āhua nei kāore a Mathew i te mōhio he 'raruraru' tōna, ā, kāore i te mārama he aha i nui ai te raruraru. 'Ko te nuinga o ngā tāne e mātaki ana i ngā kiriata X-rated' ā, kāore ia i te whai 'moepuku' koinei tana kīanga.
Ko te nuinga o ā rātou kōrero ka hua ake he tautohetohe nui. Kāore a Mathew i whakaaro he take 'waranga' tēnei nā te mea kua tīmata ia ki te mātakitaki i ngā kiriata pono i a ia e taiohi ana me ōna hoa. I whakaarohia he 'wāhanga noa iho o te tipu ake'.
I roto i ngā wānanga, i whakamāramahia te tikanga Imago ki te tokorua. I te tīmatanga, i kite rāua he mea whakakatakata te whakahoki i ngā kupu a tētahi ki tētahi pērā i te 'kākā'. Engari i te ata haere, ka akiakihia rāua ki te whakatuwhera, ki te whakaae, ki te whakamana i ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi, me te kore e whakakore tetahi i tetahi.
I muri i ētahi wā wānanga, ka taea e rāua te kimi i tētahi otinga. I kite a Mathew i te pānga o āna mahi ki tana hoa rangatira, ā, ka whakaae ia ki te whakarērea katoa i āna taputapu moepuku. I uru atu hoki ia ki tētahi rōpū waranga moepuku 12-taahiraa hei ārai i te hokinga mai ki te mahi kino.
I taea e Margaret rāua ko Mathew te whakaora i tā rāua marena. I kōrero rāua kua tīmata rāua ki te whakarongo tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kua manawanui tetahi ki tetahi.
4. Te whakaae kia tukuna
Gopa Khan e whakapuaki ana hoki i tētahi atu tauira i āwhina ai te kōrero whakaora i te tokorua ki te whakahaere pai ake i te kore e taea te karo i te wehenga:
I haere mai a Rishi rāua ko Meena ki te tono tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I hiahia nui a Meena ki te whakarere me te neke ki tōna kāinga tupu. He tama tā rāua tokorua, e waru tau te pakeke, ā, i tino piripono rāua ki a ia. I tino piripono hoki a Rishi ki te taha whānau o tana wahine. Nō reira, he uaua ki a ia te whakaae kua mutu tana marena.
I noho tonu a Rishi i waenganui i ngā mahi, ā, kāore e taea e ia te tautoko i te whakahaere o te whare, koinei te tino take o te pakanga i roto i tā rāua marena. I te taenga mai o te tokorua ki te tono tohutohu, kua neke atu i te rua tau rāua e noho wehe ana. Ahakoa rā, i pai tonu te noho tahi a Rishi me tana tama me tana hungawai wahine, e noho ana i te tāone kotahi me tana wahine.
He maha āna haerenga ki a rātou, he kai tahi me rātou, ā, he wā anō hoki ki tana tama. I te taenga mai o rāua ki te tono tohutohu, kāore te wahine i pai kia noho tonu i roto i te 'moemoeā'. Te āhua nei kua makona a Rishi ki te whakaritenga o nāianei. Ka taea tonu e ia te whānau, te tautoko i tana tama, engari ka noho ko ia anake hei takakau.
I whakamahia ngā tikanga whakataki a Imago i ngā wā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ā, i reira ka taea e te tokorua te tukatuka i ō rāua kare ā-roto.
E rua ngā wā i pau i a Rishi, ā, ka whakaae ia kāore e taea e ia te noho tonu i roto i te huarahi kotahi. I mārama anō hoki ia kāore te whakarere i te tikanga kāore e taea e ia te noho tonu hei hoa mō tana wahine, me te hono atu ki te whānau o tana wahine. I whakaae ia he tika te tuku i tana hoa rangatira kia anga whakamua, kia hanga i tōna oranga.
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5. Te whakaae me te moepuku i roto i te marena
E kōrero ana a Kavita Panyam: I haere mai tētahi wahine hou kua mārena ki te whai wāhi ki te tohutohu i te mea kua noho hei take mamae te rerekētanga o ngā tirohanga mō te whakaaetanga i roto i te moepuku ā-wahine. I te pō o tā rāua marena, i akiaki te tāne i a ia anō ki a ia, ā, i moe kaha ia. I pouri ia nā te mea kāore ia i tono kia whakaaetia e ia. Heoi, ko tana whakaaro ko te moe tahi me tana wahine tana tika, ā, ka taea e ia te tono i ngā wā katoa o te ao, o te pō rānei, me te whiwhi noa rānei i taua mea.
I pōuri ia i tēnei momo whakaaro rangatira. I whakahaerehia e au ngā wānanga whakaora hinengaro me ia. Nā te mea i hiahia ia kia noho tonu i roto i te marena, i kī atu ahau ki a ia kia kōrero ki tana tāne, kia tatari, kia waihangahia he rohe, kaua hoki e tukua kia whai i tana e pai ai ki a ia.
I wehi ia kei arahi pea ki te tutu, nā te mea he tangata te hiahia nui ki te taatai ā, kāore i taea te whakaae ki te "kāo" hei whakautu. E rua ngā wā i pau i mua i tana kaha ki te kōrero ki a ia. Ka tukuna e ia ngā mea i kōrerohia i te wā whakaora hinengaro ki a ia. I ētahi wā ka whakautu ia me te hinengaro tuwhera, i ētahi wā ka riri ia.
I muri i te rua tau pea, ka kitea mārama ngā painga o te kōrero whakaora mō tēnei tokorua.
I tēnei wā, he mea nui kia mārama ngā hoa tokorua ki te pūtake o tētahi. Tērā pea nā tōna papamuri, tōna mātauranga, tōna whakatipuranga, ōna tamarikitanga rānei i awe tōna tirohanga. Tērā pea nā ēnei awe i kite ai ia i ngā wāhine he taonga.
Āta haere ana te hekenga o tana hiahia ki te akiaki i a ia anō ki a ia. I tēnei wā, tokorua ā rāua tamariki. Tata ki te toru tau te roa i mua i te tino taunga o tēnei wairua, ā, kua kaha ake tana noho hoa. Kei te harikoa rāua i ēnei rā, ā, kei te whai marena whai hua rāua i runga i te whakaute me te whakaae tahi.
6. Te tukino ā-waha
Ka kōrero anō a Kavita Panyam mō tētahi atu take i panaia ai te wahine e te mahi kino ā-waha a tana tāne ki te āhua pouri, me te āwhina a te kōrero whakaora i a ia ki te whakahaere i tōna ao:
Kāore te tāne a te kiritaki i whakawhanaunga ā-tinana, ā, i kī atu ia he kino tōna āhua, ā, i whakarihariha ia ki a ia. I whakaatu ia i ētahi āhua whakahihi, ā, kāore i mahue i a ia tētahi wā ki te whakaiti i a ia. Nā reira, ka pāngia tōna whakapono ki a ia anō, ā, ka mutu, ka pouri ia.
Ahakoa ēnei mea katoa, i hiahia ia ki te kimi huarahi hoki, kaua hoki e whakarērea ia. I runga i te whakaute i tana whiringa, i āwhina ahau i a ia ki te whakatau i ēnei āhua whakahihi huna e arahi ana ki te tukino hinengaro. He miihini hangarau mōhiohio te wahine engari i akiaki tana tāne i a ia kia whakarērea tana mahi nā te mea he tamariki tāna i whāngai ai, ā, ka tawai ia i a ia mō te kore whiwhi moni.
Nō reira, ko te whakaatu i a ia ki te hiranga o te noho motuhake i te taha pūtea he mea nui. I te mutunga, ka kitea e ia tētahi atu puna moni, ā, ka whakatūria e ia tana ake pakihi. I hiahia hoki ia ki te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata me te 'pā o te tāne', nā reira i tata ai ia ki te taka ki tētahi moepuku i waho o te marena.
I kī atu ahau ki a ia me whakaae ia kei te ngaro tetahi hononga - ā-tinana, ā-hinengaro rānei - i roto i tana marena, ā, me kōrero ki tana tāne mō taua mea. I kī tonu ia nā te mea he kino, he momona hoki ia. Ahakoa he pakira ia, he nui hoki tōna puku.
Kotahi tau te roa o tēnei mahi, engari i heke iho tōna āhua ki te tukino i te āwhina o ngā tikanga kōrero whakaora i whakamahia e te wahine i te kāinga. Hei whakamutunga, i whakaae ia kua noho tawhiti atu ia nā te mea kāore e taea e ia te mahi moepuku.
Ahakoa i nāianei, kei reira anō he te kore o te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata i roto i tā rāua marena. Kāore ia e tīmata i te moepuku, engari kua kitea e ia ētahi atu huarahi hei whakamātau i a ia anō me te kore e tinihanga. Ina pōuri ia, ka āwhina he wānanga kōrero whakaora mō te whakaae – nā te mea ko tāna te whiriwhiri kia noho tonu i roto i te marena.
E whakaatu ana ēnei kēhi tūturu he pakiwaitara noa iho te kī he moumou taima te rongoā. Heoi, kia whiwhi ai koe i ngā hua pai o te rongoā kōrero, me tuwhera te hinengaro, kaua hoki e tumanako ki tētahi putanga kua whakaritea i mua.
FAQs
Ae, ka taea e te rongoā hinengaro te āwhina i a koe kia ora ake, kia ora ake hoki tō whanaungatanga. I runga i te rangimārie o te hinengaro me te wairua haumaru ka puta mai ki tō oranga, he tino pai te utu mō te rongoā hinengaro.
Ko te kōrero whakaora e kiia ana ko te hinengaro whakaora. He tikanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te kōrero mō ngā kare ā-roto me ngā whakaaro hei whiwhi tirohanga ki ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i te tangata.
Ko te kaupapa o te kōrero whakaora he whakaoti rapanga, he kōrero rānei mō ngā raruraru matua. I runga anō i ō āhuatanga me tō āhua, ka whakamahia pea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro ngā tikanga rerekē hei rapu huarahi hou, hei āwhina hoki i a koe ki te tukatuka i ō kare ā-roto.
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