Ahakoa kāore pea he paru rīpene ngutu i runga i tōna hāte, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kei te tinihanga tō hoa i ēnei rā, ka taea e koe te kimi i te pūtake o te raruraru mā te tirotiro i ngā tohu ā-tinana e kitea ana kei te tinihanga ia. E kiia ana he kaha te kare ā-tuaono o ngā wāhine, ā, ka āwhina i a rātou ki te mōhio kei te hē tetahi mea. Ahakoa i roto i ō rātou oranga o ia rā, i roto rānei i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, ka taea e rātou te mōhio kei te heke te pai o ngā mea.
Mā te tohu tuatahi o te tinihanga a te tāne ka rite koe ki te mea kua nekehia, kua hinga te whenua i raro i ō waewae. Kia rite koe mō te pānga i mua i te rapu i ngā tohu ā-tinana, ā-tinana rānei e whakaatu ana kei te tinihanga ia. Nā te mea, ko te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa rangatira te kaupapa matua o te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, angitu, me te roa. Engari kāore e taea e koe te whakatipu i te huānga o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga ina kore e taea e koe te whakakore i ngā feaa mō te tinihanga a tō hoa.
Mena koinei tō āhua, kia mataara ki ēnei tohu ā-tinana 11 e tinihanga ana ia i a koe, kua whiriwhiria e mātou ēnei tohu me ngā tirohanga mai i te kaitohutohu. Manjari Saboo (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Whaihua me te Tohu Paerua i roto i te Whakaora Whānau me te Tohutohu Tiaki Tamariki), te kaiwhakaū o Maitree Counseling, he kaupapa e arotahi ana ki te oranga ngākau o ngā whānau me ngā tamariki.
11 Ngā Tohu Tinana e Tinihanga Ana Ia Ki A Koe
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E whakaaro ana mātou kei te whakaaro puku koe kei te tinihanga te tangata kei a koe. Kāore e taea e koe te kite i tēnā, kāore hoki e taea e koe te tirotiro i a ia mō ngā tohu rerekē kei te tinihanga ia i runga i tana waea. Engari, kei te ahua kāore i te tika tetahi mea. Ko tō hinengaro huna kei te hopu i ngā tohu pouri kei te tinihanga ia, engari me mārama tonu tō hinengaro ki te aha e pā ana ki a koe. Ko te mea whakamiharo mō te tinana tangata ko te whakahohenga o te pūnaha io matua ina he tūpono kei te taha, ā, ka tīmata te tuku tohu ki te tinana.
Ina kitea ngā tohu huna o te hoa rangatira e tinihanga ana, ka kitea e tō tinana. Tērā pea ka pōuri koe, ka manukanuka, ka pāngia rānei e te ānini. He huarahi noa tēnei mā tō tinana ki te kī atu ki a koe mēnā kei te whakapae koe kei te tinihanga tō hoa rangatira, ko te tikanga kei te tinihanga ia. Tērā ētahi tohu reo tinana kei te tinihanga ia, kāore pea koe e mōhio engari e mōhio ana tō hinengaro huna. Anei ngā tohu mārama tekau mā tahi hei tūpato. Whakaarohia tēnei hei pepa tinihanga māu:
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1. Te whakaiti i te PDA
He aha ngā tohu tuatahi o te tinihanga a te tāne? Tērā pea ka tīmata te huri o tana whanonga ki a koe i te aroaro o te marea. Mena kua huri koe mai i te PDA whakarihariha ki te kōrero pēnei i te tangata tauhou, tera pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu kei te tinihanga ia. Mātakitaki i te panonitanga o te whanonga i roto i tō te huarahi a te hoa ki te whakapuaki i te aroha.
Kaua e hohoro te whakatau kei te tinihanga ia mēnā kua heke te aroha ki a ia, ehara i te mea nā ia anake, engari nāu anō hoki. Heoi, mēnā ko ia te tangata kua huri ohorere ki te mātao, kua tawhiti atu, tera pea tētahi o ngā tohu nui kei te tinihanga ia. Kāore ia e hiahia ki te whakaatu i te aroha ki a koe nā te mea kei te whakaatu pea ia i tēnā aroha ki tētahi atu.
Manjari e mea ana, "Ki te hikoi ringa-ringa kōrua i roto i te wāhi tūmatanui, e whakaatu ana rānei i te aroha tetahi ki tetahi i te huihuinga, ā, ka huri whakarere ia ki tawhiti, ki mātao hoki, nā te mea kei te noho tōna hoa motuhake i te taiao, ā, e hiahia ana ia kia noho tawhiti atu i a koe. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu rerekē o te tinihanga."
2. Kua riro ia hei tangata hou
Ko tētahi atu tohu ā-tinana e whakaatu ana kei te tinihanga ia ko te panonitanga ohorere me te tino hurihanga o tō tāne. Kua huri whakarere te tāne kāore i kaukau mō ngā rā e rua karapīpiti? i whakawhanakehia he tikanga whakapaipaiKo ētahi atu tohu tinihanga a te hoa tāne e ngaro ana i te nuinga o te tangata ko:
- Te tiaki nui i tōna akuaku
- Te whakauru atu ki tētahi whare takaro tinana hei whakapai ake i te tinana
- Te whakarerekē i ōna kākahu
- Te hoko kākahu hou, hinu kakara, hu, tae atu ki ngā kākahu o roto
Ae, ko te tikanga o tēnei panonitanga he mea nui ki a ia te tiaki i a ia anō, engari he tohu anō hoki tēnei mō te hoa tinihanga. Heoi anō, mēnā kei te hiahia hoki ia ki te mātakitaki me te tūhura i ngā mea hou kāore anō kia mahia e ia i mua. Tērā pea he rite ki tētahi o ngā tohu rerekē kei te tinihanga ia, engari ko te whakaurunga mai o tētahi tangata hou he rite ki te tūtaki ki ngā mea hou. Tērā pea kei te ngana ia ki te aro ki ngā mea e pai ana ki te wahine kē, me te kimi i ngā huarahi e ōrite ai.
Ki te kore tonu koe e tino whakapono, ā, ki tō whakaaro koinei tētahi o ngā tohu kei te tinihanga ia, me pātai atu ahau ki a koe, nō hea te wā whakamutunga i aro nui ai tō hoa ki tōna āhua, i whakapau kaha ki te kakahu pai i ngā wā katoa, ā, i tīmata ki te tūhura i ngā hiahia hou? Ae, kei te tika tāu whakaaro; i te wā i ngana ai ia ki te whakawai i a koe!
3. Ka kata ia ki te whakakore i ngā kōrero nui
Ko te karo i tētahi kōrero nui, ahakoa te kaupapa, he tohu noa iho kei te māharahara te tangata kē. Ina kōrero koe ki tō hoa he kino tō rā, ā, ka menemene mai rātou, ehara tēnā i te tauhohenga noa mai i tētahi hoa aroha. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia.
E whakamārama ana a Manjari, "Ko te wareware ki te tuku karere nui, te karo i ngā kōrero whaiaro, me te karo i ngā mahi o te whare he take hei āwangawanga. He tohu ā-tinana ēnei o te tinihanga nā te mea e whakaatu ana i te te kore ohorere o te hiahia ki te whanaungatanga. "
Heoi anō, ko te karo i te kōrero he nui atu i te menemene noa me te katakata ina ngana ana ki te whakaara ake i tētahi kaupapa nui. Kei te āhua nei kei te pukumahi ia ki tētahi atu mea? Kei te whakamahi tonu ia i tana waea? Mena he nui ake tana hiahia ki te titiro ki tana mata i te kōrero ki a koe, he tohu pea tēnei kei te tinihanga ia i runga ipurangi, he tohu rānei tēnei kei te tinihanga ia i tana waea. Ka pau katoa tōna wā ki te titiro ki te mata nā te mea kei te tuku karere puku ia ki tētahi, kei te tatari rānei ki tētahi karere.
4. Ka kite koe i ngā tohu taupū kino
Ngā tohu rōpū, e ai ki te Psychology Today, he rōpū mahi reo tinana e tohu ana i ngā kare ā-roto pai, kino rānei. Ina ngana koe ki te whakatata atu, ka neke atu pea tō hoa rangatira, ka pā ki tōna tuara, ka waru i ōna kanohi, ka whiti rānei i ōna ringa, ā, he tohu kino katoa ēnei.
Ahakoa kāore pea tētahi o ēnei tohu e tino kitea, he maha pea ngā tohu pēnei i te reo tinana e tinihanga ana ia. Hei whakamārama māmā ake, kua kino te reo tinana o tō hoa ki a koe. Hei tauira:
- Ka rerekē te āhua o tōna kanohi ina tono koe mō tana waea pūkoro, ina tono rānei koe kia pānuihia ana karere kuputuhi
- Ka oho ia ina pā atu koe ki a ia
- Kāore ia e aro mai ina whakaatu koe i te aroha
- E noho ana ia, e anga atu ana i a koe
- E mea ana ia me mahi ia i te pō, ā, ka puta tōna aue ina pātai mai koe i ētahi atu pātai.
- He rerekē tana reo e kōrero ana. rangahau kua kitea e te panoni ohorere o te reo me te piki o te reo o te tangata ka taea te whakatau mena kei te tinihanga rātou i tā rātou hoa, kāore rānei.
He mea nui te reo tinana me te āhua o te kanohi hei whakatau i te tinihanga i te wā e haurangi ana, me te tinihanga i te wā e kore e inu waipiro ana. Ina pai te tangata ki tētahi atu tangata, ka pai ake te reo tinana. Nō reira, ki te whakapae koe kei te tinihanga tō hoa, kia aro nui ki tana reo tinana, nā te mea ka taea e ia te whakaatu taunakitanga.
5. Kāore he kōrero i waenganui i a kōrua
He rerekē te kore aro i a kōrua e kōrero ana. Engari ko te kore kōrero tetahi ki tetahi, āe, koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te tangata tinihanga. Ka rerekē rawa tana whanonga i tōna āhua i mua i tana hiahia ki a koe. Kua kite pea koe kua ngaro tana hiahia ki tāu mahi i te awatea, kāore rānei ia e kī "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe", kāore rānei ia e hiahia ki te kihi, ki te awhi rānei i a koe. Kāore ia e aro ki te mutu tō kōrero ki a ia. Kei te pukumahi ia ki te whakamanawareka i tētahi atu, nō reira kāore ia e aro ki te kite kua mutu te kōrero i waenganui i a kōrua.
Engari, ko tana arotahi katoa kei tana waea pūkoro, kei tana pona rānei. Koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea kei te tinihanga ia i runga ipurangi. Ae, tera pea kei te mataku, kei te āwangawanga rānei ia mō tētahi mea, koinei pea te whakamārama harakore mō te huringa o tana whanonga. Heoi, ki te tīmata ia ki te whakaatu i te iti o te aro ki ō kare ā-roto, he tikanga noa iho. he haki whero nui ā, e tohu ana kei te kimi ia i tōna rongoā kare ā-roto i tētahi atu wāhi.
"Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero koe e āwhina ki te hanga hononga hohonu ake ki tō hoa. Ka whakatōkia te whakapono ki roto i a koe ahakoa kāore he tangata hei tahuri atu māu, kei tō taha tonu tō hoa. Heoi, ina mutu te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka ngoikore hoki te hononga. E pā ana tēnei ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ā-waha, ā-kore kōrero hoki," te kī a Manjari.
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6. Kua rerekē tana whanonga i runga i te moenga
Ko tētahi atu huarahi e whakaatu ai tō hoa tāne i te tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia, ko te huarahi e moe ai ia ki a koe. Ka pēnei pea ia:
- Āta karohia te whanaungatanga ā-tinana
- Ka tīmata rānei ia ki te utu nui rawa atu i te taha moepuku nā te mea e whakama ana ia mō te moe tahi me tētahi atu
rangahau kua kitea he mea whakararuraru ēnei āhuatanga e rua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga roa, nā te mea ka taea e rāua te arahi ki te puremu, te tohu rānei kua puta kē te puremu. He maha ngā wāhine ka mutu te whakaaro kei te hiahia nui atu tā rātou hoa ki a rātou mēnā ka puta whakarere mai tā rātou hiahia ki a rātou.
Heoi anō, tera pea tētahi o ngā tohu o te tinihanga a te tāne mēnā ka puta mai i ngā wā maha, ā, kāore i te kitea i mua. Ngāna ki te tātari i te horopaki. Ko te whakapono hou o tō hoa rangatira ki te moepuku te take pea ka ngana ia ki te ngā tikanga/tūranga moepuku hou nā te mea kei te whakaakona ia e tētahi i roto i tētahi atu moenga ki ēnei nekehanga hou.
7. Kei roto ia i te āhua ahotea tonu
He taumaha te upoko e mau ana i te karauna o te tinihanga. Ki te kite koe kua nui ake te ahotea o tō hoa tāne i ngā wā tata nei, tera pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia. Ina kite koe i ōna huringa kare ā-roto me te āwangawanga tonu, me te kore he taurangi kē atu, tera pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kore-kupu kāore ia i te pono ki a koe. Ina tūtaki koe ki tētahi tangata tinihanga mō tōna ahotea, tera pea ka teka ia ki a koe, ka kī ko ngā pēhanga i te mahi te take. Koinā pehea te hunga tinihanga e huna ana i o ratou ara.
Ki te kite koe i tō hoa ngāwari e āhua pōuri ana, e ngau ana i ōna maikuku, e inu nui ana, e aro nui ana rānei ki ngā mea, tera pea nā te pēhanga o te huna i tētahi mea ngaro pōuri kei te pā ki a ia. Tērā pea kei te pouri ia, kāore hoki i te tino mōhio ki te aha me mahi, kei te ngana rānei ki te pana atu i a koe. Ki te mea kei te tuku karere ia ki tētahi atu kōtiro, ka āwangawanga tonu ia kei kite koe i ā rāua whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ko te nui rawa o tana whakapau kaha ki te huna i ana taputapu hiko ehara i te tohu pai. Tērā pea kei te tinihanga ia i a koe i runga ipurangi.
8. Ka tīmata ia ki te karo i te titiro kanohi
Ka kitea ngā mahi tinihanga a te tāne ina āta karohia e ia te titiro kanohi ki a koe. Ko te hunga e titiro tika ana ki ngā kanohi o ētahi atu, e teka ana, he nui ake te tūponotanga kia pāngia e ngā āhuatanga hinengaro pōrangi, nō reira, he mea nui kia mōhio ki te rerekētanga me te mōhio ina hē tetahi mea. Mena kei te ngana ia ki te huna i tetahi mea i a koe, e kore ia e titiro ki a koe i a ia e kōrero ana.
Hei tauira, ki te pātai atu koe ki a ia ko wai tāna i kōrero ki a ia, ā, ka titiro noa ia ki te mata o te pouaka whakaata, ka whakahoki mai, "Kāore he tangata", he tohu pea tēnei kei te tinihanga ia i tana waea.He mea nui te whakapiri kanohi "o tētahi kōrero. Ka nui ake te hononga o te tangata ina titiro mai rātou ki ō kanohi, ā, he pono ake hoki rātou. Ki te ngana te tangata ki te karo i te titiro kanohi, ko te tikanga kei te teka, kei te huna rānei i tētahi mea," te kī a Manjari.
9. Kei te peke ia ki roto i te kaukau i ngā wā katoa
E mōhio ana ahau he tohu tino rerekē tēnei kei te tinihanga ia, engari whakarongo mai. Ae, he mea noa te kaukau a te tāne. E hiahia ana ia kia noho akuaku. Engari, ki te peke ia ki te kaukau i te taenga mai ki te kāinga, ā, kāore i mahia e ia i mua, he tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia. He aha, e pātai ana koe? Āe, me pēhea te whakakore i te haunga o te hinu kakara a tētahi atu wahine?
Ki te mea kei te tinihanga ia, ā, kei te moe tāne ia, e kore ia e hoki mai ki te kāinga ki te awhi i a koe, e kore hoki e noho ki tō taha kia horoia rā anō e ia te haunga o ana mahi paru. Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā tohu ā-tinana pea kei te tinihanga ia. Kāore au e kī ana me tirotirohia e koe tāu tāne mō tēnei whanonga, engari ki te mea kua kite koe i ētahi atu tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia, ā, kua kite hoki koe i te tere o te kaukau, he tohu pea tēnei.
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10. He nui rawa tana aro ki a koe
He rerekē ki te whakaaro rongonui, kāore te tinihanga e tohuhia i ngā wā katoa me te hekenga o te hiahia ki te hoa matua. Ko te pikinga ohorere me te nui o te aro he tohu rerekē anō hoki kei te tinihanga ia. Ina tīmata te whakama o te tinihanga, tera pea ka nui atu tana mahi hei whakaatu ki a koe i te nui o tōna aroha ki a koe.
Tērā pea ka hokona e ia he koha māu i te kore e tūmanakohia, ka tīmata rānei ia ki te āwhina i ētahi atu mahi. Ki te noho tahi kōrua, ki te whānau rānei, tērā pea ka tīmata ia ki te mahi i ētahi atu mahi o te whare – te horoi kakahu, te rīhi, ngā mahi DIY rānei kua mahue mō ngā marama. I mua i tō whakatau kei te haereere ia me tētahi atu wahine, pātai atu ki a koe anō, kua noho koe haere i roto i te papaki taratara inā tata nei? I taea e tō hoa te whakatau kia kaha ake te whakahoki i ngā mea ki te huarahi tika – he mea nui te whakaaro pai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
Heoi, ki te kore te aro ohorere i ahu mai i hea, tera pea he tika tāu whakapae kei te tinihanga tō hoa. Ko te whakamārama arorau ko te whakama o te tangata, ā, e hiahia ana ia ki te whakatika i te meka kei te moe tahi ia. He maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei momo mea i ngā wāhanga tōmua o te moe tahi, ina ruarua te tangata i waenga i ōna hiahia taketake me ōna uara matatika.
11. Kāore ia e awhi i muri i te moe tāne
Tērā pea ka puta he panoni nui i roto i te whanaungatanga i te kore whakapono, ā, ka kite pea koe kāore tō tāne e hiahia ana ki te awhi i muri i te moepuku, ki te takaro rānei i muri i te takaro. He whakaaro noa iho tēnei kāore ngā tāne e pai ki te awhi. Me whakahoki taua whakaaro ki tōna pūtake, ki te whenua pakiwaitara, ka arotahi ki ngā meka. Ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha hauora He tikanga tō te awhi me te rongo i te mahana o te tinana o tētahi ki tētahi i muri i te moe tāne. Tērā pea ka pouri koe ina kore tō hoa e awhi i a koe i muri i te moe tāne. Engari he aituā nui ake tēnei me whakarite koe.
Heoi anō, mēnā i mua ko ō awhi i muri i te moe tāne he wāhanga nui o ō wā piripono engari kāore tō tāne e hiahia ana ki aua awhi, tera pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu ā-tinana kei te tinihanga ia. E kī ana a Manjari, "Ina kī tonu koe i te hara, ka karo koe i te noho tahi me te tangata i whara i a koe. He mahi piripono te awhi, nō reira, ina tinihanga te tāne, ka ngana ia ki te karo i te awhi kia kore ai e pā te piripono me te hara e puta mai ana."
Tohutohu Matua
- He kaha tāne ki te huna i tā rātou tinihanga mai i ngā kanohi tirotiro engari kaua e huna i ngā tohu me ngā haki whero
- Ko ētahi o ngā tohu nui kei te tinihanga ia i a koe ko te karo i te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro me te ā-tinana, me te tino tiaki i ā rātou kaupapa me ā rātou hui.
- Ko ētahi atu tohu ko te whakarerekē i te āhua o te tinana, te karo i te titiro kanohi, me te takoto mā roto i ō rātou niho.
He āwangawanga nui te kore whakapono i roto i ngā whanaungatanga o ēnei rā, ā, ka pā kino tēnei momo raruraru ki tō whanaungatanga, ki tō hauora hinengaro hoki. I ētahi wā, ka huna pea e te tangata ō rātou ara, ka mawhiti atu i te tinihanga mō ngā tau. Heoi, kāore he tangata e tika ana kia noho ki tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei. Mā ngā tohu mamae e tinihanga ana ia ka āwhina i a koe ki te hongi i ana hara ahakoa tōna pai ki te huna i ana ara. Nō reira, ki te whakapae koe kei te tinihanga tō hoa, kia aro nui ki tana whanonga ki a koe, ki te taha hoki o koe. Ki te kite koe i te neke atu i te 5 o ēnei tohu 11, kua tae ki te wā ki te noho i tō hoa ki raro, ki te kōrero.
Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Paenga-whāwhā 2023.
He moemoeā mō te tinihanga i tō hoa? Koinei te tikanga tuturu
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
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