Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino

Porohia te aroha

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? He rite ki te waiata rap a Eminem i a Rihanna Aroha ki te huarahi teka koe, "Kāore e taea e au te kōrero atu ki a koe he aha te āhua tūturu. Ko te āhua anake ka taea e au te kōrero atu. Ā, i tēnei wā tonu, he maripi rino kei roto i taku puku. Kāore e taea e au te manawa, engari kei te whawhai tonu ahau i a au e kaha ana ki te whawhai. I te mea kei te pai te ahua o te hē, me te mea kei te rere ahau."

"I te nui o te aroha, i te haurangi i tōna mauahara. Me te mea kei te hongi au i te peita, ā, e aroha ana ahau ki a ia, ka nui ake taku mamae ka hemo ahau, ā, i mua tonu i taku tata ki te toremi. Ka whakaarahia ahau e ia, e tino kino ana ia ki ahau. Ā, e aroha ana ahau ki tēnā."

Tērā pea he mea hē te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino pēnei, ahakoa i roto rawa i a koe, e mōhio ana koe me wehe atu koe. I mua i tō mōhio, ka hinga koe ki te whanaungatanga 'aroha-kino' me te 'pai-mamae'. He nui rawa te mamae, ā, ka tīmata te whana i a koe e ngā horopeta iti o te pai, ā, ka whakamana koe i a koe anō he pai te utu. E ai ki a Rihanna, ka tīmata koe ki te pai ki te āhua o te mamae. Ka tīmata koe ki te hinga ki te aroha ki te paitini.

Nō reira, ko te whakamutu i ngā whanaungatanga kino e hiahia ana ki te nui o te kaha o te ngākau, te whakahaere i a koe anō, me te pūnaha tautoko pakari. Ka whakamatautauria koe e ēnei whanaungatanga, ā, i ētahi wā me takahi koe i tāu e hiahia ana kia ora ai tō hauora hinengaro. Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino ahakoa kei te aroha koe ki tō hoa?

Mō tēnei, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi kaiako mō te oranga ngākau me te aroāroaro. Pooja Priyamvada (kua whai tohu mō te Āwhina Tuatahi mō te Hauora Hinengaro me te Hinengaro mai i te Kura Hauora Tūmatanui o Johns Hopkins Bloomberg me te Whare Wānanga o Sydney). He tohunga ia ki te tuku tohutohu mō ngā mahi moepuku i waho o te marena, te wehenga, te wehenga, te pouri me te mate, hei tauira noa iho.

Āhea te Whakarērea i tētahi Hononga Paitini

Ripanga o Ihirangi

E ai ki Puja, "Ina rongo koe i te mataku, i te momotu rānei, kua tae ki te wā ki te kōrero ki tō hoa mō taua mea. Ki te kore rātou e rite ki te whakatika i ō rātou ara, kua tae ki te wā ki te wehe. Kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i te tukino, haere tonu atu."

Mena kei te pāngia koe e te tukino tinana, te tukino kare ā-roto rānei e tō hoa, he tohu mārama tēnā me āwhina koe ki te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Akoranga Me whakamārama anō hoki, mō te tukino kare ā-roto, 40% o ngā wāhine me te 32% o ngā tāne i kōrero mō te riri whakapuaki (te karanga ingoa), ā, 41% o ngā wāhine me te 43% o ngā tāne i kōrero mō te whakahaere ā-ture (ngā rautaki noho motuhake, ngā tūmomo whakawehi rānei mō te whara).

Āhea te wā tika hei wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Pātai atu ki a koe anō ētahi pātai uaua. He nui rawa tō waranga ki tō hoa, ā, ko te tuku i a rātou me te mea he tango tarukino koe? Kua wehea koe e te whanaungatanga i te ao me koe anō? Kei te ngaro tō mana i ia rā, ā, e whakaaro ana koe kāore koe e whakautehia ana e tō hoa?

He aha ngā tohu e tika ana kia wehe atu koe? E kī ana a Pooja, "Te kore whakawhirinaki, te kore whakaute, gaslighting, te wehi, te whakama, te hara – he wāhanga tūturu ēnei kare ā-roto katoa o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore. Ka whakarei ake tētahi whanaungatanga hauora i a koe, ko tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore ka whakaiti, ka muku i a koe.”

Āhea koe me whakaaro ki te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Ina kī tonu tō hoa ki a koe ka huri ia engari kāore koe e kite i tētahi tohu o tēnā. Ina kite koe kāore tō hoa i te whakapau kaha, i te hihiri rānei ki te whanake, he tohu tēnā me āwhina koe ki te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Aroha me te Whakahīhī – Te Hononga Paitini i waenganui i te Aroha me te Whakahīhī

7 Ngā Hipanga hei Whakarērea i tētahi Hononga Paitini

E ai ki ngā kupu o te waiata a Miley Cyrus, "I haere mai ahau me te mea he pōro whakangaro. Kāore anō kia pērā te kaha o taku patu i te aroha. Ko taku i hiahia ai he wawahi i ō pakitara. Ko tāu i mahi ai he whakangaro i ahau."

Ka rite tonu te ahua o ngā whanaungatanga kino ki te mea kei te pakaru koe i roto. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino pērā i te āhua. Me rapu tātou i tētahi aratohu taahiraa-i-te-taahiraa mō te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino.

1. Arotahi ki ngā meka

Ko te putanga atu i ngā whanaungatanga kino ka tīmata mā te arotahi ki ngā meka. E whakanui ana a Pooja, "Whakaaetia he kino tō hoa. Hangaia he rārangi o ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e rātou ki a koe, e kore rānei e mahia e rātou, e tukino ana, e kino ana rānei. Hangaia he mahere ā-taahiraa hei wehe i a koe i a rātou."

Kei te whakawhirinaki tō hoa ki ngā raau taero? Kei te kite koe ngā tohu e teka ana tō hoa mō te tinihangaHe pukuriri, he whakaiti rānei rātou? He tangata kotahi tō hoa i te aroaro o te marea, engari he tangata tino rerekē i muri i ngā tatau kua kati?

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Me mātua whakaaro koe he paitini tō whanaungatanga. Ki te noho tonu koe i roto i te whakakāhoretanga me te kore e kite i ngā mea e rite ana ki a rātou, ka whakararu noa i tō tipu me tō whakaora. Kaua e whakanuia tō hoa, kaua hoki e mahara ki ō rāua āhuatanga pai anake. Whakaarohia tō whanaungatanga me te pono. He aha ngā whakataunga e mahia ana e koe? He aha ngā mahi i pai ai koe engari kua mutu te mahi nā te mea kāore i hiahiatia? I wehe atu koe i ō hoa nā tō hoa? Tuhia ēnei mea.

2. Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Mātakitakihia te pānga ki tō hauora hinengaro

Tangohia he pepa ka tīmata ki te tuhi i ō kare ā-roto. Whakapūmautia koe ki te āhua tūturu o tō whanaungatanga me ngā mea e ngana ana koe ki te mawhiti. Me whakatū koe i a koe ki te ao tūturu o ō kare ā-roto me tō tinana i te wā e pā ana ki a rātou, me ngā mahi a tēnei whanaungatanga ki a koe me tō hauora hinengaro.

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Ka taea e koe te tuhituhi, "I tana karanga mai i ahau he wahine kairau, i pēhia ahau..." "I tana whiunga i te ipu pungarehu, i pēhia ahau..." "I tana hamama ki ngā tamariki, i pēhia ahau..." "I tana takaro anō ki ōku hoa, i pēhia ahau..." "I a rātou e karanga ana i ahau ki ngā ingoa kino, i pēhia ahau..." "I taku kitenga kei te tinihanga ia i ahau, i pēhia ahau..."

Mā tēnei mahi ka mōhio koe kei te mamae koe nā te mea ngā momo tukino kare ā-roto ngawariKaua e noho i roto i tēnei reinga hinengaro. Kia mōhio koe he tika kia harikoa koe, kia tika, kia arohaina, kia whakautehia hoki koe.

te waiho i tētahi whanaungatanga paitini — Whakapūmau i a koe ki te āhua tūturu o tō whanaungatanga

3. Kōrerohia te kōrero uaua

E kī ana a Pooja, "Āe, he pai ki te aroha ki tō hoa rangatira nā te mea he maha ngā mea kua pā ki a rāua i a rāua e tamariki ana. He pai hoki ki te tautoko i tō hoa rangatira i roto i ā rāua pakanga me ō rāua mamae, engari ki te mea he kino ki te hauora o te tinana, he kino rānei ki tō hauora hinengaro, me whakatakoto e koe he rohe."

"Ka taea e te hunga paitini te huri, mēnā e hiahia ana rātou ki te mahi i a rātou anō. Ka taea e rātou te huri mā te rongoā hinengaro, te mahi i a rātou anō, me te whakahaere i a rātou anō engari kāore e taea te tono i te tangata i pāngia kia tatari kia tae rā anō ki te wā e tupu ai. Kaua rātou e mamae koretake."

E ai ki tā Pooja i kōrero ai, me mārama koe ehara i te mea māu te 'whakatika' i tētahi, te tatari rānei kia huri, kia whanake rānei rātou. Whakahaerehia tō ake oranga. Tīmata ki te mahi i ngā whāinga kua whakatakotoria e koe māu ake. Kua rongonui te kīanga, "Me kaha ake tō whakaute i a koe anō i ō kare ā-roto."

Ina whakapuaki koe i te take kāore koe e hiahia ana ki te whai tonu i te whanaungatanga, kia mahara kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaaetanga a tō hoa whakapehapeha ki te wehe atu. Kōwhiria hoki he wāhi tūmatanui haumaru hei wehe atu i a koe, mehemea ka puta te tutu me te riri o tō hoa. Ko tētahi o ngā kōrero rongonui ko te "Tirohia te mea i meinga ai ahau e koe kia mahi" ngā mea e kōrerohia pinepinetia ana e ngā hoa paitini.

E mārama ana ka ngana rātou ki te whakaiti i tō wheako. Hei tauira, ki te tinihanga rātou i a koe, tera pea ka whakapae rātou i a koe, ka whakaiti hoki i tō wheako katoa o te tinihanga. Kaua e aro ki tēnei. Kaua e tukua kia whakatenatena rātou i a koe. Pātai atu ki a koe anō e hia ngā wā kua pahure koe i tēnei huringa. Kua rerekē tetahi mea? Ko te mea nui, he pai te utu?

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Ahakoa ā rātou kōrero, noho tonu ki roto i tō tinana, noho tonu ki roto i tō hinengaro, me noho tonu ki roto i tō kiri. Kei a koe te tika ki te whakatau māu ake. Kāore he tangata hei rangatira mōu, ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki te rapu whakamana mō tāu whakatau.

4. Puritia tō whakatau mō te ture kore-pā

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakamutu i ngā whanaungatanga kino. He rite tonu ki te kiriata Blue Valentine me te wāhanga whakamutunga whakamataku i reira ka wehe atu a Dean i tana wahine, i a Cindy, me tana tamāhine, i a Frankie, mō ake tonu atu.

He tino kino te mutunga nā te mea i aroha rāua i ngā tau kua pahure, engari i te kitenga i te pakaru o tō rāua hononga, ko te whakarē te mea tika. E whakaatu ana tēnei kiriata i te mutunga kino o ngā hononga. Ko te noho roa rawa atu he mea nui. ngā hapa whanaungatanga tino noa ka taea e koe te karo.

Engari me pēhea te piri ki te whakatau kia mutu te here? Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Āraia taua nama. Mukua aua whakaahua. Whakahaerehia tō hiahia ki te hoki ki tō rātou wāhi. Kia mōhio koe ka māmā ake i muri i tēnei. Whakaarohia, ā, tuhia ki roto i tō pukaiti hei whakamarie i tō manukanuka me tō whakaaro nui.

kei roto ahau i tētahi pātaitai whanaungatanga paitini?

Ia wā ka hiahia koe ki te tuku karere kuputuhi, ki te waea atu rānei ki a rātou, whakaarohia ngā wā i tino korekore ai koe, ā, kāore e taea e koe te ara ake i te moenga. Whakaarohia te nui o te pumau e hiahiatia ana e koe, me te mea e tika ana māu. Mā te wetewete i aua mea ka aukati noa i tō harikoa. Kei te hiahia tonu koe ki te noho pōuri?

Te pānui e pā ana: Kāore he Whakapā ki tētahi Tangata Whakahīhī – 7 Ngā Mea e Mahihia ana e te Tangata Whakahīhī Ina Haere Koe Kāore he Whakapā

5. Rapua te tautoko

He tangata whakaaro nui taku hoa, a Paul. He mātau ia ki te mōhio kei te kino tana whanaungatanga ki tōna hauora hinengaro. He tino mōhio ia ki a ia anō, ā, e hiahia ana ia ki te wehe. Engari i te wa ano, kua tīmata a Paul ki te aroha ki te paitini me te mamae me te harikoa. Me aha a Paul i roto i tēnei āhuatanga?

Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "He wāhi hauora, he wāhi morearea hoki tēnei. He maha ngā wā, ka tīmata te tangata ki te whakaaro he tika kia tukinotia kinotia rātou, ka tīmata rānei te pārekareka ki te paitini, ka pā pea ki te mamae o te tamarikitanga, ki te kore rānei e whai whakaaro ki a koe anō. Me whai wawaotanga ngaio koe."

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Nā te mea, mā te puta atu i ngā whanaungatanga kino ka puta he whakatārewatanga, nā te mea he tino pōrearea, he kore haumaru hoki tō whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te wete i tēnei waranga, i tēnei rānei whakawhanaungatanga ko koe anake.

Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki tō kāhua āpiti kore haumaruKa taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake i te mamae o tō tamarikitanga. Ka taea hoki e rātou te hoatu huarahi ki a koe hei wawahi i ō tauira mā te whakamōhio i a koe ki ngā mea ka whakahohehia i roto i a koe ina noho tahi koe me ētahi tāngata me ētahi whanaungatanga.

Haunga te tautoko ngaio, me whai tāngata pono hoki koe hei whakarongo ki ō amuamu. Me whai hoa koe hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i tēnei mamae i runga i te huarahi hauora, ā, ka taea hoki te tautoko i a koe me te kore whakahē. Me whai tāngata me ngā mahi hei whakamarie i a koe.

6. Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Noho tahi me ō kare ā-roto

Me whakaaroaro koe i roto i tēnei taahiraa. Kua whakamātau koe ki te wehe i te whanaungatanga i ngā miriona wā, engari i ia wā ka hoki anō koe ki tō hoa? Kei te ngaro katoa tō mana whakahaere i a koe anō? He aha i pēnei ai?

Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Ko tēnei tētahi o ngā ngā tohu kore e taea te whakahē o te whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki"Nā te mea kāore he wāhi haumaru kē atu hei haere atu, nā te mea rānei he iti rawa tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, me whai wāhi rātou hei whakamana i a koe anō, ā, ka hokihoki tonu koe. Whakatipua tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, me rapu āwhina mō tō ake tauira whanonga."

Kei te ngana tēnei whanaungatanga paitini ki te whakaako i a koe i ētahi akoranga hohonu, whai hua hoki mōu ake. Me whakaora tō whanaungatanga ki a koe anō. Engari i te heke ki te rua pango o te whakapae me te riri, me whakaaroaro koe ki a koe anō. He aha ngā raruraru, ā, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te karo i aua raruraru ā muri ake nei? I paitini anō hoki koe i tētahi ara? He aha ngā mahi me mahi e koe hei whakatika i tēnā?

Hei whakaora i ēnei kare ā-roto taumaha katoa, me tiaki koe i a koe anō. Kai tika. Whakakorikori tinana i ia rā. Haere takitahi. Moe tika. Whakaaroaro. Ka taea e ēnei panonitanga iti te hanga i tētahi rerekētanga nui ki tō hauora hinengaro.

te neke atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino

7. Kia mōhio koe ehara i te mutunga o te ao

Mā te puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino ka pā mai he maha ngā kare ā-roto ki a koe. E mōhio ana ahau he tino mamae tēnei i tēnei wā, ā, tērā pea ka whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te whai hononga pēnei ki tētahi atu anō. Tērā pea ka ngaro tō whakapono ki te aroha, ā, ka whanake he hononga hohonu ki waenganui i a koe. te wehi o ngā whanaungatanga.

Ki tēnei, e whakanui ana a Pooja, "Tērā pea ka pēnei ō whakaaro i tētahi wā, engari kāore i te pono. E ai ki te kōrero, kaua rawa e kī, kaua rawa. Ka haere te ao i tōna ake ara, ā, ka kitea e koe he tāngata me he āhuatanga hou, he mea whakamere, he hauora ake hoki mēnā ka uru atu koe ki roto i aua āhuatanga me te kore e pāngia e tēnei whakaaro."

Ahakoa ngā marama, ngā tau rānei i muri i te wehenga, tera pea ka hiahia koe ki te hoki tahi me tō hoa. He mea noa te whakaaro pēnā. Engari kia mahara, i whakatau koe i tēnei i muri i te whakaaroaro nui. He take tika āu mō tēnā, ko te mea nui ko te mea i meinga koe e tō whanaungatanga kia ruarua, kia tinihanga hoki i a koe anō.

Ehara i te whakatau ohorere, ā, koia te take i tika ai tāu whiriwhiri. Kia mau ki tēnā. Mēnā ka puta he hiahia ki te wehe atu i te whanaungatanga, rapua he tautoko mai i tētahi hoa, i tētahi mema o te whānau, i tētahi tohunga ngaio rānei. Pānuihia hoki ngā take katoa i tuhia e koe ki roto i tō pukapuka tuhi mō te take i wehe atu ai koe i te whanaungatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Pouri i Muri i te Wehenga - Te Tikanga, Ngā Tohu, Me Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakamātau i te Pōuri

Te Neke Atu Mai i tētahi Hononga Paitini

Ko te neke atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i a koe e aroha tonu ana ki tō hoa, ka mutu pea ka hanga he āputa nui i roto i a koe. Whakakīia tēnei āputa mā te whakawhanake i tētahi tikanga hauora hei āwhina i a koe. Kia pai ake te mahi i te mahi. Kia tūtaki pinepine ki ō hoa. Whakawhanakehia he hākinakina hou, kia hoki noa rānei ki ngā hākinakina tawhito. Kia manawanui ki a koe anō i a koe e haere ana i roto i te ngā wāhanga o te pouri i muri i te wehenga.

Hei neke atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, me whakawhanake koe i te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō me te aroha ki a koe anō. Kia tīmata koe ki te whakaute i a koe anō, ka memeha haere tō wehi kei ngaro tō hoa rangatira o nāianei. Kaua e uru ki ngā porowhita porowhita o te whakahē i a koe anō mā te pātai ki a koe anō pēnei i te – “Kāore au i te tino ātaahua?”, “Kāore au i te tino aroha, i te tino arohaina rānei?”, “Kāore au i te tino pai?” rānei.

Ka taea e te whanaungatanga kino te whakararu i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, nō reira kaua e taka ki roto i taua mahanga. Engari, kia atawhai ki a koe anō. Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, ka neke atu, i tōna tikanga pono? Hangaia he rārangi o ō āhuatanga pai katoa. Whakamāramahia ngā mea katoa kua tutuki i a koe, ka tīmata ki te tatau i ō manaakitanga. Mā tēnei ka whakanui ake i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te neke atu.

Ka nui te āwhina o te whakaaroaro me te whakakori tinana i a koe ina tae mai ki te wā te tuku i tētahi e arohaina nuitia ana e koe me te neke atu i tētahi whanaungatanga paitini. Ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakataurite i tō hinengaro, tō tinana, me tō wairua. He huarahi pai te whakakorikori tinana hei whakahaere i ō mamae katoa. Ka taea e te whakaaroaro te āwhina i a koe kia noho marino ina nui rawa ō whakaaro.

Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, ka neke atu? Kaua e tatari, kaua e mamae. Kei a koe te tika ki te tūhura i ētahi atu kōwhiringa, i ngā wā katoa e rite ana koe. Kia mōhio koe ehara i te mutunga o te ao. Ka kitea e koe tētahi atu tangata e pai ana māu. Ka tūtaki koe ki ngā momo tangata rerekē. ngā momo hoa wairua i ngā wā rerekē o tō koiora. Kaua e ngaro te tumanako. Kimihia hoki te harikoa i roto i te noho ko koe anake. Kia kaha ki te aroha ki a koe anō, me te rapu i ngā puna ehara i te whanaungatanga hei pūtake mō tō harikoa.

Hei whakamutunga, e kī ana tētahi kōrero rongonui, "I a koe e ora ana, ka huri anō hoki ō hiahia. Ka mutu te āhua o te paitini hei whakahihiri, ā, ka mutu te āhua o te rangimārie hei hoha." Nō reira, arotahi ki tō whakaoranga me tō whanaketanga. Mahia te mahi ā-roto. Kia ata noho. I ngā wā katoa e pōuri ana koe, kaua e mataku ki te toro atu ki a rātou. Tā mātou ngā kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū a Bonobology he paato noa atu.

FAQs

1. Me pēhea koe e puta ai i tētahi whanaungatanga kino ina aroha tonu koe ki a rātou?

Puta mai i te whakakāhore, tirohia ngā mea e rite ana ki tō rātou āhua – tuhia ngā kōrero mō te āhua o te whakarerekētanga o tō whanaungatanga ki a koe anō. Whakamahia te āwhina a te kaiwhakaora hinengaro me ētahi hoa hei whakaatu i te mooni me te tautoko i a koe. Haere atu mō ake tonu atu, kātahi ka piri ki tāu whakatau, ahakoa pēhea.

2. Ka taea e te tangata paitini te huri?

Tērā pea, mā te āwhina o te rongoā hinengaro me ngā tau maha o te mahi ki a rātou anō. Engari kāore koe e tatari me te mamae. Ehara koe i te kura whakarerekētanga mō rātou. Kia tūpato ki a koe anō i te tuatahi.

3. Me pēhea te wehe i ō kare ā-roto mai i tētahi tangata kino?

Kia tino aro ki ō kare ā-roto ina noho tahi koe me rātou. Kia maumahara, ka taea e koe te whakaatu i te aroha engari ehara i te mea māu te whakatika i a rātou. Whakatipua tō whakaaro nui me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō kia ako ai koe ki te kī kāo me te whakatū rohe.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.