Me pēhea te whakaora i te whanaungatanga - 14 Ngā Tohutohu hei whakahoki mai i te hihiri

I tētahi wā, kua rongo te katoa kei te ngaro tetahi mea i roto i ō rātou oranga aroha. Me mahi tetahi mea hei whakaora i te whanaungatanga ina kore e rite te whakaaro o te hunga kei roto tetahi ki tetahi. Ka memeha haere te piripono me te ngākau nui i te tīmatanga o te whakaipoipo. He tohu noa ēnei katoa, ā, he wāhanga nui o tētahi whanaungatanga roa. 

Kia pono tātou; he uaua ki te pupuri i te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto i muri i ngā marama me ngā tau kua pahure. Engari ki te mea he aroha tahi, ā, he pono te whakaute o kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, kāore he aha. He huarahi hei whakaora i te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga; me whakarite noa kōrua kei te whakapau kaha kōrua ki te whakahaere i ngā mea. 

Ka taea te whakaora anō i tētahi whanaungatanga?

E ai ki te kaimätai hinengaro Nandita Rambhia, he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te kaupapa tohutohu mō ngā tokorua, ka taea te whakaora anō i te whanaungatanga. "Mena he hononga pumau, ā, kua roa kōrua e noho tahi ana, he mea nui kia whakapau kaha koe. He tino ngāwari te whakarērea. Engari kātahi ka ngaro i a koe ngā painga o te whanaungatanga hauora, roa hoki.”

Ka haere tonu ia, "Ki te hiahia koe ki te kimi huarahi hei whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga e memeha haere ana – ā, he mea nui tēnei – me whakapau kaha ngā hoa e rua ki te whakamātau kia angitu. Ki te kore, ka hua ake he he whanaungatanga kāore e taea te whakatika"...Kāore au e kī ana kāore e angitu, engari he mea whakamiharo mēnā ka whakapau kaha ngā hoa e rua."

E ai ki te ako, e whā ngā āhuatanga e whai wāhi ana ki te āhua o te aroha: te hononga, te whakaute, te whakawhirinaki, me te kukume. Mēnā ka ngoikore tētahi o ēnei, ka pāngia hoki ngā āhuatanga kē atu. E mea ana te rangahau, "Ko te kaha ake o te aroaro o ngā āhuatanga katoa, ko te teitei ake o te kaha (o te aroha) ā, ko te iti iho, ko te ngoikore ake o te kaha o te aroha ... I te hurihanga o ngā āhuatanga, ā, ka noho mai ēnei āhuatanga, ka tutuki te aroha, ā, ki te mate, ka memeha."  

He ara anō hei whakahoki mai i ngā rā o mua o te haehae i ngā kākahu o tētahi ki tētahi, me te whakapau i ngā hāora ki te kōrero i ngā mea katoa. Engari me whakapau kaha tēnei ki te whiriwhiria te aroha i runga i ngā mea katoaKōwhiria te atawhai me te aroha i ia rā. Mā te hoatu wāhi tetahi ki tetahi ki te aroha me te tipu ka arahi pea ki tētahi momo hononga tino rerekē. Kei te rite koe ki te whai wāhi me te whakaora anō i tētahi whanaungatanga kua mate? 

14 Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakaora Anō I Te Hononga, Hei Whakahoki Mai I Te Hihiko

Ka haere tonu ngā pikinga me ngā hekenga, engari ka taea e tō kōrua piripono me tō kōrua whanaungatanga te eke ki ngā taumata hou, miharo mena ka whai koe i ēnei tohutohu. Ki te whakaaro koe me whakarerekē kōrua ko tō hoa, me te tāpiri i ētahi mea e hiahiatia ana ki roto i tō kōrua oranga aroha tawhito, me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te whakaora anō i te mura me te hanga anō i te pai o te whanaungatanga.

1. Kimihia te mea e ngaro ana 

E kī ana a Nandita, "Ko te mea tuatahi kia pai te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi. Kātahi ka hoki ki te wāhi kōrero e whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ai koutou i roto i te āhua kore whakahāwea." E kī ana ia kia pātai atu koutou ki a koutou anō i ēnei pātai hei tātari i ngā wāhanga e hiahia ana koutou ki te mahi:

• Whakapai ake i tā kōrua whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, kia mōhio ai kōrua ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e kōrua katoa mai i te whanaungatanga.
• He aha i memeha ai te mura? Kua ngaro te pā o te tinana, kua kore rānei he hononga kare ā-roto? 
• He rerekētanga kei waenganui i te whanaungatanga? He mea kotahi tāu e hiahia ana, ā, he mea anō tā tō hoa? 
• Kāore koe i te aro nui ki tō hoa rangatira? Kua tīmata te hoha? 
• Kāore i te rawaka te whakapau kaha e whakapaua ana e koe ki roto i te whanaungatanga kia neke ai i tētahi tere motuhake? 
• Ki te mea kei te noho pūmau koe i runga i te papatahi, he aha te mea e hapa ana? Me whakatau rānei e koe tētahi pakanga?

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Huarahi Pai Hei Whakaoho Anō I Te Aroha I Roto I Te Hononga

2. Mea atu ki te whakawhetai 

He maha ngā wā, i roto i te whanaungatanga pakaru, he ngāwari te whakaaro noa iho tetahi ki tetahi. Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi māmā ki te ārai i tēnei ko te whai wā ki te whakaharatau i te whakawhetai tetahi ki tetahi, me te whakawhetai tetahi ki tetahi. Kia maha ake te mihi, engari kia mōhio hoki ki ngā mahi a tō hoa māu. Ā, kia mihia hoki ēnei mahi katoa mā te waha. Mā te whai whakawhetai hei kaiārahi māu ka pai ake te kounga o tō oranga. 

3. He mea whakahau ngā pō whakaipoipo 

Te neke tahi ki te noho tahi, te marena, te mahi wā-katoa, te noho hei mātua – kei hea te wā hei whai i te aroha me te "hauora?" Koinei te wāhi e whai wāhi mai ai ngā pō whakatā e hiahiatia ana. Te whakamahere ki te whakapau i te wā kounga tahi "Kei tawhiti atu i ngā mea katoa" ka tāpirihia he harikoa ki tō wiki. Ko te tumanako kia whai tina aroha koe a deux ka kite koe i te tipu o ō kare ā-roto mō te whanaungatanga piripono, ka kitea anō hoki i roto i tō oranga ā-ira tangata. 

4. Akohia tetahi mea hou 

He huarahi pai rawa atu hei whawhai i te hoha me te hoha o te whanaungatanga ko te mahi i tētahi mea hou hei hoa rangatira. He mahi whakangahau pea, he akomanga, he mahi rānei kāore anō kia whakaarohia e koe. Mā te pana i a koe ki waho i ō rohe whakamarie ka taea te whakaoho i te adrenaline me te oxytocin, ka hanga i ngā kare ā-roto hou o te harikoa me te piripono ki tō hoa. E ai ki tētahi Reddit kaiwhakamahi, ko te mea e āwhina ana ki te whakaara anō i te mura o te aroha e memeha haere ana ko te "whakamātautau i ngā mea hou me te kimi tahi i ngā hiahia hou; ko te whakahou i te whanaungatanga te mea e patu ana i ngā whanaungatanga." Ko ētahi whakaaro ngāwari ko:

• Te whakamātau i tētahi hākinakina hou 
• Te whakauru atu ki tētahi akomanga kanikani, ki tētahi akomanga whakapakari tinana rānei 
• Te ako tahi i tētahi reo, i tētahi kēmu uaua rānei
• Te tunu tahi i tētahi rihi hou 
• Te mahi tūao tahi mō tētahi rōpū aroha 
• Te puni, te hikoi rānei 
• Whakamaherehia he haerenga tahi mō te pō engari ki tētahi wāhi kāore tetahi o kōrua i whiriwhiri i ia wā, i ia wā 

5. TE KIHI

Ko wai ka maumahara ki tā rāua kihi tuatahi? He kupu whakaari mō tētahi whanaungatanga hou me ōna whakahihiri me tōna aroha? Mā te whakamahi i te kihi hei tikanga auau ka āwhina i te whakahoki mai i te hiahia tuatahi. 

I tua atu, a ako i kitea ka taea e te kihi te āwhina i te hanga hononga hauora mā te tuku i ngā homoni harikoa o te oxytocin me te serotonin i roto i te tinana. Mā ēnei ka whakaiti i ngā kare ā-roto o te ahotea me te manukanuka, ka whakanui ake hoki i te wheako hononga ki tō hoa aroha. Ahakoa ka taea e te kihi te arahi ki te whanaungatanga nui ake, he mea nui kia kaua e tukuna taua pēhanga tāpiri ki te mahi. Tukua kia neke haere noa ngā mea katoa me te kore he kaha, he tumanako rānei. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Hua Hauora o te Kihi

6. Whakarei ake i tō kēmu whakaipoipo hei whakaora i tō whanaungatanga

Ki te mea he nui rawa te whakaaro mō te kihi me te taatai, he tika tonu tāu ki te āta haere. Mā te mahi pakupaku pēnei i te mahi whakaipoipo, te tuku karere whakahihiri, te waiho rānei i tētahi reta aroha iti ki roto i te pouaka tina a tō hoa rangatira ka mōhio tō hoa kei te whakaaro koe ki a ia, ā, ka ārai i te hoha. 

7. Kotahi te mea i ia wā 

Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe he nui rawa te wai kei raro i te piriti, ā, kāore he painga o te whakaora anō i tētahi whanaungatanga e mate haere ana. E ai ki tētahi te miro rongonui o Reddit, Ko te kore whakapono te hara kotahi e tata kore e taea te muru, engari ahakoa tērā ka taea te wikitoria mēnā e pai ana ngā taha e rua ki te whakakore i tētahi. 

Ko te akoranga o te kōrero? Hurihia tētahi mea. Koinei te ture matua. Kāore he tangata e hiahia ana ki te aro atu ki ngā mamae katoa i te wā kotahi. He iti noa ngā mahi me ngā mea iti ka arahi ki ngā huringa nui.

• Mena ko te koretake o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te take matua, waiho ō waea pūkoro ki tahaki i te wā kai, ā, ngana ki te kōrero ki a koe anō. 
• Ki te mea kua rerekē te āhua o tō oranga moepuku, whakamātauria he kākahu moe whakahirahira, he haerenga pō rānei ki te hōtēra hei whakarerekētanga.
• Ki te kore ngā tautohetohe e mutu, tukua he wā ki a koutou anō i mua i te kino haere o ngā mea.

8. Kāore tetahi i whara i te iti o te aroha ki a ia anō 

Kaua e whakaititia te mana o te whakahari i a koe anō. Mā te ako i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a koe ka māmā ake te whakaatu ki tō hoa he aha te mea e whai hua ana i runga i te moenga, me te mea kāore e whai hua. He maha ngā wāhine, inā koa, e uaua ana ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou hiahia me ō rātou wawata. E ai ki tētahi akoMā te tūhura i tō ira tangata me te awhi i taua ira tangata ka whakamana i ngā hoa e rua mō te wā roa, ā, he huarahi pai rawa atu hoki hei whakaora i te whanaungatanga ira tangata. 

9. Takarohia he keemu 

Hurihia hei kēmu mēnā he uaua ki a koe te tono i tāu e hiahia ana. I ia wiki, ka whiriwhiria e te hoa te mea me mahi e te tokorua. He tono pea mō te awhi i ia rā, he hikoi tahi i muri i te tina, he inu reka rānei. tohu whaiāipo i ia rā. Kei ia tangata o koutou ngā āhuatanga. Ka taea e te tumanako me te ohorere te noho hei tikanga pai i roto i tō oranga o ia rā. 

10. Haereere i te ara mahara 

Mā te whakamahara anō i tō kōrua pūrākau aroha ka hoki mai ngā kare ā-roto o te piripono me te whakapau kaha. Whakaarohia te wā i noho ai kōrua i te wāhi i tūtaki tuatahi ai kōrua. 

• I pehea te tupu? 
• Nā wai i whakapuaki tuatahi ō rātou kare ā-roto? 
• Ka taea e koe te toro atu ki tō wāhi ra tuatahi? 
• Tirohia ngā pikitia tawhito, pānuihia anō ngā reta aroha, whakarongo ki te waiata 'tāu'

Ko te kaupapa nui o tēnei ko te maumahara ki te take i aroha ai koe i te tuatahi. Kātahi, arotahi ki ēnei kare ā-roto hei whakaoho anō i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakahoki mai i te hihiri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pakaru - 10 Rautaki Tohunga

11. Haere ki te kura tawhito 

Ko tā mātou tikanga, me whakatakoto tō waea pūkoro ki raro, ka titiro tetahi ki tetahi ina kōrero kōrua. He nui ngā mea whakararuraru, ā, kei te pāngia ngā whanaungatanga o ēnei rā. Me whakaaro ki tō kōrua wā tahi he mea utu nui, me te whakaute e tika ana. Kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i ēnei mahi hei whakaoho anō i te aroha. 

12. He nui te tikanga o ngā nekehanga iti ina hiahia koe ki te whakaora i tō whanaungatanga 

I pātai mātou ki a Nandita: He aha te huringa iti rawa ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakaoho anō i ngā kare ā-roto tawhito o te noho tahi? I mea ia, "Ka taea e tetahi whanaungatanga te tawhito i roto i ētahi wā. Me kaha te mahi a ngā hoa tokorua. Ko te tikanga, me whakapau kaha ngā hoa tokorua ki te whakahoki mai i te motuhaketanga ki tetahi. Ka taea e rātou:

• Kia pai te kākahu
• Mahia te tina
• Whakamaherehia he rā
• Hokona he koha iti  
• Waihangahia he nekehanga whakaaro nui

Tāpirihia he iti noa iho te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga"He tīmatanga pai tēnā."

13. Haere atu 

I ngā rā tuatahi o tō kōrua whakaipoipo, i hiahia kōrua kia noho tahi kōrua i ia wā o te ara. Kaua e tumanako kia rite tonu te kaha o te whanaungatanga i roto i ngā marama, i ngā tau rānei a muri ake nei. Ehara i te mea maori. Kei konei mātou ki te kī atu ki a koe, ko te okioki me te mahi i ngā mea ko kōrua anake he huarahi pai hei whakaoho anō i tō whanaungatanga ki tō tāne/wahine/hoa, ā, hono atu ki a rātou i te taumata hohonu ake.

Ahakoa he pō hararei noa iho me ō hoa, he haerenga mirimiri rānei māu ake, whakaritea he wā mōku ake i te wā e taea ai. Mā te mahi i ngā mea māu ake ka whai wāhi koe ki te whakawhanake i tō ake tuakiri me tō harikoa kia taea ai e koe te whai wāhi atu ki te whanaungatanga mai i te wāhi ōrite. Tērā pea ka āwhina i a koe ki te ngaro i tō hoa rangatira, ā, ka hoatu hoki he mea hou ki a kōrua hei kōrero. 

14. Ako ki te tuku 

Mō te tokorua e hiahia ana ki te whakaoho anō i te mura o te whanaungatanga, ka tohe a Nandita ki tētahi tohutohu whakamutunga e tautokona ana e tētahi News News i tenei ra tuhinga hoki. E mea ana ia, "Ko te huarahi pai ki te whakaoho anō i te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga roa: ngana kia kaua e noho ki te wā o mua. Kaua e pupuri i ngā mauahara tawhito. Ko te mea kua oti, kua oti. Me titiro kōrua ki te heke mai. Kaua e pupuri i ngā kaute. "I mahia e au tēnei, engari kāore koe i mahi." – kāore he aha atu i tēnā nā te mea ko tētahi o ngā hononga whero haki.

"I roto i te whanaungatanga, ka noho tonu ngā wā o te kore taurite, engari i te tirohanga whānui, ka taurite ngā mea. He mea nui i roto i tā kōrua haerenga kia whānui ake tō kōrua mōhiotanga kare ā-roto, kia tipu tahi hoki ki tētahi whāinga kotahi. Kia titiro whakamua ki ngā wheako hou ngātahi. Mā tēnei ka waihanga he hononga pumau, he wāhi manaaki, he wāhi haumaru hoki mō kōrua."

Ahea Me rapu awhina koe? 

He tohu mārama kei roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina kore e pai te haere o ngā mea. Ka taea e tētahi tohunga hinengaro, e tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei mō ngā tokorua te āwhina i ngā tokorua ki te whakaora i ngā kare ā-roto kua ngaro, me te whakaatu i ō rātou kare ā-roto i roto i ngā huarahi hou, hauora hoki. E taunakihia ana kia whai wā tonu ki tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro mēnā: 

• He rite tonu ngā mea e tautohe ana kōrua. Ahakoa he rerekē ngā take i tīmata ai te pakanga, ka hoki tonu mai ki ngā mauahara tawhito. 
• Ngā māramatanga ngāwari, ngā ngā tautohetohe whanaungatanga ka tere te piki ki ngā pakanga nui 
• Kāore ngā hoa e rua (tae atu ki tētahi) i te makona ki tā rāua whanaungatanga
• Kei te mamae tō hauora hinengaro 
• E whakaaro ana tetahi o ngā hoa kua whakakahoretia 
• Ka noho hei raruraru tūturu te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero
• Kei te ahua kei te hoki whakamuri tonu koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga 
• Ahakoa tāu e mahi ai, kāore e taea e koe te neke atu i te mamae me te riri 

E ai ki te tohunga hinengaro a Jui Pimple, "Me whakaora anō tātou katoa i tō tātou whanaungatanga i muri i ētahi wā, nā te mea kāore ngā mea e noho rite tonu ki tō rātou āhua i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga. Engari ina mōhio koe ki tēnei, mā te mahi i ngā mahi hei hoki anō ka taea te āwhina i te tokorua kia tata anō. Ka taea e kōrua te pārekareka anō ki te ora tahi." Kāore koe e mōhio mēnā he pai te whakapau kaha ki te kore koe e whakapau kaha ki te whakaora i te whanaungatanga e tata ana ki te pakaru. 

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