Me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga nāu i take? E iwa ngā mea e taunaki ana te tohunga

He rite tonu te wehenga ki te ngākau maru me te mamae nui. Ahakoa ko wai te he, ko wai rānei te kaiwhakatau ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, ka waiho koe i roto i te pouri nui. Ka taea e ngā hua te huri kino ki roto i tō hinengaro mena ko koe te tangata i whiriwhiri ki te wehe i tō hoa. Ā, kāore e taea e koe te kore e noho me te kore tumanako, e whakaaro ana me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga nāu i puta. 

He tino mamae tēnei nā te mea ko koe te tangata nāna i whara ngā ngākau e rua ki te pere kotahi, ka piki ake tō hinengaro hara. Tērā pea he mea tino nui tēnei wehenga hei whakahoki mai i tō hinengaro pai, hei kimi hoki i te rangimārie i waho o tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Ki te titiro matatau koe, he whakatau hauora noa iho. Ahakoa te kī a tō roro ehara i te mea nāu te he, kei te whakapae tonu tō ngākau i a koe mō te wehenga. Ināianei, me amo e koe te kawenga o te whanaungatanga i mutu i a koe me ō ngana ki te whakaora i te wehenga. 

Āe, ahakoa he hapa, kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te wikitoria i tētahi wehenga i tīmatahia e koe. I te mea e ngana tonu ana mātou ki te tautoko i ā mātou whakaaro me ngā whakaaro o tētahi tohunga mō tēnei take, i kōrero mātou i tēnei rā ki tētahi kaiako me tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mō te oranga. Joie Bose, he tohunga ki te tuku tohutohu ki te hunga e pāngia ana e te tukino i ngā marena, te wehenga, me ngā mahi moepuku. 

Nō reira, hoki atu ki te pātai, me pēhea te wikitoria i tētahi wehenga kāore i hiahiatia i te tuatahi? E hia te roa e hiahiatia ana hei wikitoria i tētahi wehenga? Noho mai ki a mātou tae noa ki te mutunga, ā, mā tātou tahi e rapu he huarahi hei whakatau i te mamae, i te hara rānei mā te huarahi hauora, hauora hoki. 

Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā nāu te he o te wehenga?

Kia mārama rawa atu tātou, i a mātou e titiro ana ki tō āhuatanga mai i tērā taha o te mata, kāore e taea e mātou te whakatau mēnā nāu te he, kāore rānei. Tērā pea koinei te kōwhiringa tika māu. Tērā pea he take āu ki te kimi i tētahi ara mawhiti. Kāore pea i te 'he' nā tetahi. Engari ināianei, te āhua nei kua whakamātauria koe me te tini o ngā kanohi e titiro mai ana ki a koe.

E rua ngā huarahi e taea ai e tātou te tātari i tēnei āhua i mua i te neke atu ki te wāhanga 'me pēhea te whakakore i te wehenga nāu'. Mai i tētahi tirohanga, ka mōhio koe ina he he tō wehenga mēnā nāu i hanga he raruraru i waenganui i a kōrua. 

Tērā pea i hoha koe, ā, i haurangi koe, ka tuku karere ki tō hoa o mua i tētahi pō. Kāore i taea e koe te ātete i te whakamatautauranga, ā, ka tukua koe e te hiahia i roto i tētahi wā ngoikore. Kātahi ka kaha ake te hara nā te mea tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga he uaua ki te tiaki, ki te whakamāori rānei i ngā tikanga matatika. Tērā pea kei te rapu huarahi koe ki te whakapuaki i tō taha kōrero, kia kitea ai he whakamārama mō āu mahi mai i tētahi atu tangata.

Mai i tētahi atu tirohanga, i mōhio noa koe kāore tēnei whanaungatanga e pai ana. He puna tautohetohe kei waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa. He maha ngā rā mai i te whakaae ki tētahi kaupapa kotahi. Me pēhea e taea ai e te tangata te whakaroa i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore, kāore he heke mai? 

Tērā pea he tangata tukino, he tangata kino rawa atu rānei tō hoa. He mano ngā wā pai ake te whakatau kia hohoro te wehe atu i tētahi hononga ki tētahi hoa rangatira, kāore rānei e wātea ana ki te kare ā-roto i te pupuri noa iho mō taua mea. He aha te take me whai kawenga ai te tangata mō te whara i a ia anō me te koha mō tōna oranga katoa?

I tērā tau, ko taku hoa a Michael te aro atu ki tētahi hoa whakahaere pukumahi Nā wai i ngotea te ora i roto i a ia. I whai ia i ana nekehanga katoa - ko tēhea te wāhi e haere ana ia, ko wai te tangata e tūtaki ana ia. Nā tōna mana pupuri rawa i hanga he āputa nui i waenganui i a rāua. I taea e Michael te wehe atu i a ia i tēnei paitini engari i pātai mai ia ki ahau i ētahi wā me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga i puta mai i a koe. 

"Kōrero mai ki ahau me pēhea te wikitoria i tētahi wehenga kāore koe i hiahia i te tuatahi? Kia pēhea te roa o te wā e hiahiatia ana hei wikitoria i tētahi wehenga? Ahakoa ngā mea katoa, e mōhio ana ahau i roto i tōku ngākau i aroha ia ki ahau. Ā, nāku i wawahi māua. Nāku katoa te he," tana kī. Engari he hē? Ki tō whakaaro he hē tāna? 

Koinei tonu tā mātou i pātai atu ai ki a Joie – me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā nāu te wehenga? E ai ki a Joie, "Ehara te wehenga i te he. Ka whanake haere tātou i te huringa o te wā. Kāore tetahi o tātou e rite tonu ki te tangata o ngā tau e rima kua pahure. Ka huri ngā kaupapa matua. Ka huri ngā hiahia. Ā, ko te piri ki tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e pai ana te haere he he."

"Nō reira, he mea pai kua whakatau koe mō te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga I te wā tonu ka mōhio koe kāore kōrua e mārama ana. Heoi, ki te whakaaroaro koe mō te wehenga i muri mai me te hinengaro pai ake, ā, ka kitea kei te mau tonu te tumanako mō tēnei whanaungatanga, ka taea e koe te hoki atu ki te pātai atu mēnā kei te pai rātou ki te whakatika i ngā take. Ka puta ngā hapa. He mea maori noa iho. I whakapau kaha koe i tō kaha. 

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Ngā Huarahi e 9 i Tohutohutia e te Tohunga hei Whakaora i te Wehenga i puta mai i a Koe

Kua rongo koe i tā Joie i kī ai – he tangata tātou, he maha ngā hapa me ngā ngoikoretanga. I a tātou e tipu haere ana i roto i te pakeketanga me te wheako, ka kite tātou i a tātou anō i ia rā i roto i tētahi tirohanga hou. Kāore he take e whakahengia ai koe nā te mea kua kore koe e aroha ki tētahi, nā te mea rānei i hē koe e kore e taea te whakatika, ā, ko te mea anake ka taea te ako mai. 

Āe, e mārama ana mātou kei te pouri koe i tēnei wā. Kei te piki haere te hara ki runga i a koe. Ā, kāore e taea e koe tukua te mamae Ahakoa te nui o tō ngana. Engari, i roto i ngā kupu mutunga kore a Ursula K. Le Guin, "Kāore he pōuri e mau tonu. Ahakoa i reira, kei reira ngā whetū."

Ka pahemo ngā mea pouri katoa i tēnei wā, me whakapono mai koe ki a mātou mō tēnā. Whakakorea ngā pātai katoa e ara ake ana i roto i tō hinengaro, ā, mā mātou koe e āwhina ki te whakautu. Me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga i puta mai i a koe? Ka taea rānei te whakaora i te wehenga? Me pēhea te wareware i te whanaungatanga i pakaru i a koe? Ka taea rānei te wikitoria katoa i te wehenga?

Mānu hōhonu, ka whakamarie i tō ngākau e tere haere ana. Pānuihia kia kitea ai ngā mahi e iwa hei whakaora i te wehenga i tīmatahia e koe.

1. Whakapāha mai mēnā he hapa te wehenga 

Tuatahi, e whakapono ana koe he take tika hei whakapae i a koe anō mō ​​te aituā? Kei te pouri koe mō ngā kōwhiringa i mahia e koe, ā, kua mōhio koe kāore i tika kia wehea e kōrua? Kātahi ka tika kia whakapāha nui atu tō hoa o mua. Muri iho, ki te pai koe ki te hoki mai ano, ka nui te whakapau kaha pono ka pau i a koe. Whakaaetia ō hapa, kia mōhio ai koe kei te ripeneta koe mō ō mahi. Mahia ngā mea katoa e taea e koe hei whakaatu i te hiranga o aua hapa ki a koe. Ki te mea kua rite tō hoa o mua ki te muru hara me te neke whakamua, he rongo pai tēnā.

E mea ana a Joie, "Ki te kite koe he hapa te wehenga, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatikatika - kia pono. Me kī noa, "I ngaro koe i ahau. Ā, e mihi ana ahau mō te whakararuraru i a koe." Kōrerohia kia nui te reo. Kāore he kēmu. Kāore he whakapae. Me mahi koe i tō wāhanga, ā, me tuku i a rātou ki te whakatau he aha te mea pai mō rātou. Tērā pea e hiahia ana tō hoa o mua ki te hoki tahi, kāore rānei. Me kimi e koe he huarahi hei whakatau i tēnei."

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te puta i te wehenga ko koe anake?

2. Kaua e ruarua tō whakatau mēnā kāore i angitu 

Kāore ngā whanaungatanga katoa e rite ana ki te pakiwaitara. Ka mōhio te tangata tetahi ki tetahi, ka aroha. Engari mō ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine, he wā poto noa iho i mua i te kitenga kāore rāua i te tika mō tetahi ki tetahi. I roto i tō ngākau, e mōhio ana koe he mea whakaaro nui te whakawātea i a koe anō i te... hononga kino.

Heoi anō, kei te whakama koe mō te mahi i ngā mea i tika kia mahia i ngā wā kua pahure. E mōhio ana koe he aha? Nā te mea ko koe te tangata e mamae ana i tō hoa o mua. Nāu, kei roto rāua i te pouri nui i tēnei wā. Haunga tēnā, kāore i taea e kōrua te pupuri i ngā here me ngā kupu whakaari i oati ai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi i mua. 

I te mutunga o te rā, tera pea ka puta ko koe he tangata kino i roto i te āhuatanga katoa. Me i moe koe i tēnei tangata, ka waiho koe hei whāinga mō te kēmu whakapae a ō hoa. Kāore e iti te hunga e hiahia ana ki te mōhio he aha te mea i akiaki i a koe ki te mahi i tēnei mahi. Engari kei te horapa ngā kōrero whakahihi me ngā kōrero pakiwaitara. Ā, ka hoki anō koe ki taua porowhita o te 'I hē nui ahau i taku wehenga?' Āta karohia ngā reo i roto i tō mahunga me te KĀORE nui. Kei te hiahia koe ki te mōhio me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga nāu i puta, tika? Kaua e titiro whakamuri, kaua hoki e hoatu he wā ki a koe anō ki te pātai i tō whakatau. 

3. He tauira tēnei me pakaru e koe?

Āe, kia aro mai ki tēnei. He mahi tēnei māu i roto i ō whanaungatanga katoa – te oma atu me te waiho i tētahi kōhao āhua-koe i te tatau i te wā tonu ka tīmata te kino o ngā mea? Ka whakarērea tonutia e koe tō hoa i mua i te pakari o te whanaungatanga? Kei te whakamataku rānei koe i te whakaaro noa ki te whakamahere i tētahi heke mai me tēnei tangata (ahakoa e aroha nui ana koe ki a ia)?

Kāore e nui ake te mamae o te whakaoranga i te wehenga mēnā ka arohia ēnei tauira i te tuatahi. Ki te kore e tirohia, Tuhinga o mua ka tū hei arai nui ki tō huarahi ki te kimi i te aroha pono. Kia tirohia ngā kōrero a tō mātou tohunga mō tēnei take: "He uaua te wawahi i te tauira. He maha ngā wā ka hono atu ēnei tauira ki ētahi take hohonu. Ka taea e te rongoā ngaio te āwhina i a koe ki tēnei mea nā te mea kāore he whakamārama kotahi e pai ana mō te katoa i konei. He tino whakaaro takitahi."

I a mātou e mahi ana i tēnei, ka whakaatuhia e Bonobology tētahi Te Rōpū Tohutohu Whakawhanaungatanga Ipurangi he rōpū kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro me ngā tohunga hinengaro rongonui. Nau mai haere mai ki te toro atu ki ā mātou kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro ina hiahia koe ki te awhina ngaio.

4. Whaki ki tētahi hei whakatau i te hara 

I pātai koe, "Me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga i puta mai i a koe?" Ko te pātai ia: Me pēhea te aro atu ki ngā wāhanga o te hara me te whakama e pā mai ana me tēnei wehenga? He kōwhiringa ngāwari kei mua i tō whakamahere ki te haere ki te whakaora hinengaro. 

Waea atu ki tō kaiwhakaora hinengaro hoa, kua whakarongo mai ki ngā kōrero wehenga mai i te kura tuarua me te manawanui nui. Kāore he mea miharo ka whai hua ngā otinga e tukuna ana e tō hoa, e tō teina rānei, nā te mea kua roa rāua e mōhio ana ki a koe. Whakina ngā mea katoa e whakararuraru ana i a koe. Mā tēnei ka māmā ake te mahi. 

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5. Hoatu te wāhi e hiahiatia ana ki tō hoa

Tērā pea kua pakaru te whanaungatanga i pakaruhia e koe. Ahakoa i whakapau kaha koe, kāore i taea e koe te kohikohi i ngā wāhanga kua marara, kia pai ai te mahi. Me mārama koe me nui te wāhi e hiahiatia ana e tō hoa o mua kia tino pai ai te whanaungatanga. ora ake i te wehengaI a koe e toro atu ana ki te whakatika i te whanaungatanga, e kī atu rānei kei te ngaro rātou i a koe, kāore rātou e whiwhi i te wā me te wāhi ki te whakaora.  

E ai ki a Joie, "Whai muri i te wehenga o tō kōrua hononga, tērā pea kāore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ki te hoki tahi. Ā, kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i a rāua kia huri i ō rāua whakaaro. Kotahi te mea e toe ana – whakaute i tā rāua whakatau. Kōrerohia, me te manaaki tetahi i tetahi. I te tirohanga tuatahi, he mahi whai kawenga te āhua. Heoi, i roto i te mahi tūturu, tera pea he uaua ki te whakatinana."

Kia hoatu e koe te wāhi ki tō hoa, ka taea e koe te tīmata i tō haerenga whakaora. Ko te huarahi anake hei wikitoria i te wehenga ko te kimi wāhi i waenganui i a kōrua. Akene ka hiahia kōrua ki te noho tahi i muri mai, engari kāore e taea te mahi tonu, ā, he roa te wā e pau ana.

6. Akohia mai i tēnei wheako 

Kāore pea koe i te rite ki te whakarongo ki tēnei i tēnei wā tonu, engari he mea nui ia wheako o te ao. He pai ake ki a tātou te kī he wheako, kaua e kī he hapa. Ahakoa pai, ahakoa kino, he akoranga tonu kei roto i ia wāhanga. 

I tino whara koe i tō hoa nā te korenga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, i pakaru rānei ngā mea katoa i te wā poto? Mēnā koinei te āhua, me mātau pea koe ki te toi o te kōrero whai tikanga me te pehi i a koe anō. Tērā pea he tangata kino tō hoa. Kātahi ka puta mai koe i tēnei wehenga me te mārama ake ki ō rohe nā te mea i tū atu koe ki te whakahē i tētahi mea. te tukino i te whanaungatanga. Nā, kōrero mai ki ahau, he aha te nui o te whakaaro nui e mau ana i a koe mai i tēnei wheako?

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7. Kaua e tatari kia mutu te whanaungatanga kia tino ora ai koe i te wehenga

Māu tēnei mēnā i whakatau koe kia puta tēnei wehenga, ā, i tino pāngia tō hoa. Kāore e taea e koe te tumanako ka mutu te whanaungatanga i runga i ngā tikanga pai mēnā kāore te whakaaetanga i whakaaetia. Tērā pea ka tapahia rawatia koe e rātou, ka āraia hoki koe i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. Kua tae ki te wā kia kaha koe mēnā kei te pirangi koe ki te piri ki tāu whakatau. I roto i te poto, kia taea ai e koe te wikitoria i tētahi wehenga i tīmatahia e koe, me ako pea koe me pēhea te neke tonu, kāore he katinga. 

E whakapono ana a Joie, "Kaua e tatari, e tumanako rānei kia kati te whanaungatanga mai i tō hoa o mua. He pai mēnā he atawhai rātou ki te tuku mai i tētahi ki a koe. Heoi, ahakoa ka kati te whanaungatanga mai i tō hoa o mua, tērā pea kāore koe e pai ki te whakaae. He mea whaiaro ake te kati. Me puta mai i tō pito. Ko koe te tangata me kati taua upoko."

8. Whakataa te wā mai i te whakaipoipo

E mōhio ana koe me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga i puta mai i a koe? Kaua e noho ki te ao whakaipoipo mō ētahi marama, kia rite rānei ki te wā e hiahiatia ana. He mea nui kia hoatu he wāhi ki a koe anō hei whakaora me te kimi anō i ō hiahia me ō kaupapa matua. 

He paitini ki tō hauora hinengaro te uru atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga ohorere me tētahi atu tangata i muri tonu i te wehenga. Whakapono mai ki ahau, he whanaungatanga whakaora Ko te mea whakamutunga tēnei e hiahiatia ana e koe. Ka nui ake ngā raruraru ka puta mai, koinā anake. E mōhio ana ahau, i ētahi wā he uaua ki te kite kanohi ki te kanohi i ō kare ā-roto hohonu, pōuri rawa. He āhua whakamātau te whakakorekore. Engari i tēnei rā, i tētahi marama rānei i mua i tēnei wā, me aro atu koe ki ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia hei tīmata i te tukanga whakaora. 

9. Kia mōhio koe ehara tēnei i te mutunga o te ao

Ahakoa te āhua pōuri o te heke mai i tō tūnga, kāore te ao e mutu. Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe kāore koe e kite i tētahi atu. He iti iho tō whakaaro ki a koe anō. Engari, ngana ki te titiro ki te taha kanapa. Tērā pea nāu te whakaaro kino, engari kua ako koe i tō akoranga. I tangohia rānei e koe tētahi hikoinga pai ki mua mā te wehe i a koe mai i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore.

Kua wetekina koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore i te whakaarohia kia pērā. Whakaarohia pēnei, kāore he aha te rerekētanga o ngā tirohanga. Ngāna kia kitea he wāhi i roto i tō ngākau kia harikoa ai koe mō te tangata kē. Whakapaua he wā ki te whakarongo ki a koe anō. Whakarārangihia ō kaupapa matua me ō whāinga i te ao. Whakamahia te aroha ki a koe anō, ā, whakaae mārire ki te kōwhiringa kua mahia e koe.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakaora i ngā whanaungatanga mā te whakaaroaro

Hei whakamutunga mā Joie, "Me ata wareware koe ki te mamae. Kia tūtaki ki ō hoa. Whiriwhiria he mahi whakangahau hou. Whakakīia te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua ko tō hoa ki ētahi atu mahi. He rongoā pai te wā. Mā te wā, ka taea te whakamanawanui i te mamae. Ā tōna wā, ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi, ā, ka aroha anō koe. Kia tae mai taua rā, kaua e tukua ki ngā tauira ōrite, ki ngā raruraru whanaungatanga rānei, ā, kia tupato, kia pakeke hoki te whakahaere."

Nā, kua ea i tēnei tuhinga tō pātai mō te huarahi hei wikitoria i tētahi wehenga i puta mai i a koe? Titiro mai, kei te whārangi kotahi tātou katoa i konei. Ko te wikitoria i tētahi wehenga kāore koe i hiahia i te tuatahi ehara i te momo kōrero e hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero ki ō mokopuna. He pōrearea, he uaua ki te mārama, ā, he roa te wā. Kua hoatu e mātou he mahere ara taipitopito hei rapu i te kī ki te harikoa. Kia ora koe ki te kimi anō i a koe anō!

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