He aha te kaiwhakatoi whanaungatanga, ā, e 5 ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei te pāngia koe e te tukino

Ka hoatu e au he horopaki ki a koe, ka kōrero mai mēnā ka taea e koe te hono atu ki tēnei. Ahakoa te kaha o tō ngana ki te whakamanawareka i tō hoa, ka kitea tonutia e rātou he hapa hei whakaiti i a koe. Ka whakatenatena rātou i a koe kei te heke haere koe i roto i ia kōwhiringa o tō ao. I te roa o tēnei tauira, ka tae mai he rā ka ara ake koe ka tātari anō i tētahi whakatau iti kia rima ngā wā kia tino mōhio ai koe. He tohu noa iho tēnā o te whakamātau i te hau me te tukino i te whanaungatanga.

E mōhio ana mātou ki te tino hoha. I te wā kotahi, i whakaipoipo taku hoa a Tania ki tētahi tangata wairangi i whakahē i ōna āhua tinana, i te aroaro tonu o ō mātou hoa. "Ka ngaro koe mēnā ka hiroki ake koe i tēnei. Kei te kī tonu koe i tō waha ki te maha o ngā piza me ngā pēkana. Kei hea rātou e ngaro atu ai?" "Kaua e noho roa i te rā. Ka pōuri ake tō kiri."

Ka taea e koe te whakaaro noa ki te āhua o te koretake o te hinengaro o tētahi kotiro tekau mā waru tau te pakeke nā ēnei kōrero. I a ia e ngana ana ki te tū atu ki a ia, ka whakakorehia tana tautohe nā te mea, ki te āhua nei, he "katakata noa iho". Me i āta whakaaro ia ki tēnei mea. E ai ki tētahi rangahau, ko te kore whakaaro nui ki a ia anō i te tamarikitanga ka taea te waiho hei take mō te whakaae ki te tukino i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

Hei whakamārama i ō koutou feaa me ō koutou pātai katoa mō te tukino i te whanaungatanga, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro. Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), he tohunga whakahaere ira tangata me te whanaungatanga.

E whakamārama ana a Jaseena, "Ka puta te whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga ina whakatoi tetahi hoa i tetahi atu hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. He maha ngā wā ka ngana te hoa whakatoi ki te tuku i tēnei hei kata. He āhuatanga pea tēnei o te tangata e mau tonu ana ki roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, he whakaaro rānei nō rātou ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga anake. E pai ana te hoa whakatoi ki te takaro i te tūranga rangatira kia noho ngoikore ai tetahi atu tangata." Pānui tonu kia kite i tētahi tirohanga pai ake mō te take me ngā aratohu tika mō te whakamutu i te whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga.

He aha te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ko te whanonga whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga he āhuatanga matua mā te ngana a tetahi hoa ki te whakatau i tōna hiranga ake i tetahi atu mā te whakamataku, te raweke, me te whakaeke tinana. Ka puta ngā whanonga whakatoi whanaungatanga i roto i ngā āhua me ngā momo rerekē - ā-waha, ā-tinana, tae noa ki te ipurangi. 

I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pōrearea pēnei, ka whakapau kaha tō hoa ki te whakahaere i ngā wāhanga katoa o tō oranga – kia rite ki tā rātou e hiahia ai. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, ka ngana koe ki te hanga i a koe anō kia rite ki ā rātou tono i ngā wā maha. Engari te āhua nei kāore rawa tēnā e hari ai rātou. 

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Ko te whakahāwea i te tangata tētahi tauira matarohia o te tukino i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Kāore rātou e waiho i tētahi kōhatu kia kore e hurihia kia whakaititia koe. Ka wetewetehia e te hoa tukino tō hinengaro, ka whakaputa i ia wāhanga o te māharahara e noho tahi ana koe hei patu tukino. 

I ngana mātou ki te kimi i te pūtake o taua waiaro whakarihariha. E whakapono ana a Jaseena, "Me tino pāngia te tangata e tukino ana e tetahi momo te kore mau i roto i te whanaungatanga i te ao rānei. Ko te ngoikore o taua tangata ka hiahia rātou ki te takaro, ki te tango rānei i tētahi tūranga rangatira, me te mea kia ngohengohe te hoa kē.

"Tērā pea i tukinotia tēnei tangata i tōna tamarikitanga e ōna mātua, i te kura rānei, kua pāngia rānei ia e te tukino a ētahi atu hoa i mua. Kei te tukuna atu aua tūtakitanga mamae ki tētahi atu." 

Kāore te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga e pā tonu ana ki te hamama, te riri, te tutu rānei. I ētahi wā ka huri te kaiwhakatoi ki te pukuriri kia tutuki ai tā rātou e hiahia ana. Kāore he huarahi ki te whai kōrero hauora i runga i te atawhai mātao me te wahangu. 

Ngā Tauira o te Whakatoi i te Hononga

He uaua pea te kite i te whanonga whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga ina kua taunga koe ki ngā mahi a tō hoa whakatoi kare ā-roto. Ka roa pea ngā pānga o te whakatoi ki a koe, ā, he pai ake te kite i mua i te paunga o tō tinana. Anei ētahi tauira o te whanonga whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga kāore e tika kia aro atu koe ki:

• Ka kōrero kino tonu rātou i a koe: Ahakoa te āhua o tō kākahu, te kai rānei, he tauira o te whanonga whakatoi te whakaiti tonu i te hoa mā te kupu.
• He hunga hiahia whaiaro rātou: He mahi whakatoi anō hoki te whakatakoto tonu i ō rātou hiahia ki mua i ō hiahia. Kei te kore rātou e aro ki ō kare ā-roto me ō hiahia.
• Te whakahaere i ngā wā katoa: Mai i te wāhi e haere ana koe ki ngā mahi i ngā wiki mutunga, ki te hiahia tonu tō hoa ki te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa, kei te whakaatu ia i te kore aro ki tō whakaaro. He tukino tēnei, ā, kaua e manawanuitia.
• Te whakakino i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō: Ko te kī atu kāore koe i te ātaahua/ātaahua, te ruarua rānei i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō he mahi whakatoi kare ā-roto. Ka waiho pea he koha hohonu ki a koe, ā, ka pā ki a koe anō me ō kare ā-roto.
• Kei te whakapae tonu koe i a koe anō: Ahakoa he aha te hē, ko koe tonu te tangata e tango ana i te hē mōna. He tauira tēnā o te whanonga whakatoi

5 Ngā Tohu kei te Pāngia Koe e te Whakatoi i te Hononga 

He uaua ki te mutu ina tīmata tātou ki te kōrero mō ngā tohu matua o ngā whanaungatanga me te tukino i roto i aua tohu. Ko te hunga kua pā ki tēnei momo paitini ka whakamana i ngā pānga kino o te tukino i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i roto i ō rātou ao. 

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Ko ngā āhuatanga matua o te hoa tukino ko te noho tonu o te wairua whakahe ina kōrero mai rātou ki a koe. Ka kī tonu te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te whakahe, ka rongo te tangata kē atu kaore i te pai. "

I te wā tōmua, ka taka te tangata ki te tukino hinengaro me te tukino tinana, me te kore e mōhio kei te tukinotia rātou. "E rua noa ngā wā i puta ai." "He mea noa ngā pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kei te ngana noa mātou ki te mōhio pai tetahi ki tetahi. Ka pai ake i roto i te wā."

He hē! Me kī atu ahau ki a koe, KĀORE. I a koe e whakangahau tonu ana i tēnei tangata, ā, kāore koe e kōrero i tētahi kupu hei whakahē, ka nui haere te kaha o ā rātou mahi. Me whakatakoto e koe he rohe hei ārai i te whanonga whakatoi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

He ōrite tonu te whanaungatanga i waenga i te tukino me te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō. Mēnā ka pāngia koe e te tukino i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mō te wā roa, ka tīmata koe ki te ruarua i ō ake whakatau. Ka ora koe i te haurua o te ora e ngana ana ki te uru ki ngā tawhā i whakatakotoria e tō hoa. 

Ka ara ake ngā pātai i roto i ō tātou hinengaro: "Me pēhea te mōhio mēnā he pāngia ahau e te tukino whanaungatanga?" "He aha ngā tauira tukino whanaungatanga me tirotiro e au?" "Me pēhea te whakamutu i te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga?"

Engari ehara i te mea tino uaua ki te kia mārama ki ngā āhuatanga o te tukino i roto i te whanaungatangaĀ tōna wā, ka taea e koe te hono i ngā ira me te kite i tētahi tauira. I mua i te mutunga iho, me matapaki tātou i ngā tohu e rima o te pukapuka e whakamā ana i a koe e tō hoa rangatira, e tō hoa rangatira rānei: 

Te pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā Tohu Ngāwari o te Kore-māia i roto i te Hononga

1. Kāore ō whakaaro e whakaaetia

E rite ana koe ki tētahi atarangi e memeha haere ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Me te mea kāore koe e kitea. Ina ngana koe ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro mō tētahi take, ka tere tonu te pāwera a tō hoa, me te mea kāore koe i te mōhio ki tāu e kōrero nei. Ko rāua anake te kaiwhakatau mō kōrua. 

Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te tautuhi i ngā tauira whanaungatanga me te tukino, tirohia tēnei. Tērā pea he mea māmā noa iho, pērā i te whakatau i te mea hei tono mā te tina, i ngā take nui rānei pērā i te me pēhea te tohatoha i ngā whakapaunga hei tokoruaKāore he wāhi mōu ki tētahi o ēnei whakataunga, engari ko te mea tika kia whakatauhia ngātahitia e kōrua. Ā tōna wā, ka iti haere te hiranga o tō oranga ki a koe. 

2. Kei raro tonu i te whakawakanga ō whiringa oranga 

Ko tētahi atu tauira noa o te whanonga whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga – ko te whakatau. I ia taahiraa o te ao, ka tū mai tētahi hoa whakatoi ki runga i a koe hei whakamahara i a koe kei te hē katoa tāu mahi. Nō reira, ka puta he āputa nui i roto i te tangata e whiwhi ana i te tukino, ā, ka puta he kore whakatau me te kore whakapono ki a ia anō.

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Tērā pea i ahu mai tēnei mahi tukino i te whakaaro iti iho, engari e ngana ana rātou ki te whakaatu i te ahua rangatira. Ka tahuri te tangata tukino ki te whakatoi me te whakamahi ngā kīanga whakakā hau i roto i te whanaungatanga ki a koe. Ahakoa kei te whakaatu te tangata i te maioha, ka kitea tonu ngā āhuatanga whakatoi i roto i ā rātou rerenga kōrero. Ka noho pōhēhē tonu te hoa hoa mēnā me kōrero pai, me kōrero kino rānei.”

3. Te whakaiti tonu i ō whakatutukitanga

I te kāreti, i te whakaipoipo ahau i tētahi tāne he nui ake tōna mōhio i ahau, koinei pea te mea i whakatenatena mai ai ia i ahau. I taua wā, i te whai wāhi atu ahau ki tētahi tohu paetahi kairīpoata mai i tētahi kura pai. I taku otinga i te uiuinga, i tino harikoa ahau ki te whakapuaki i te rongo ki a ia. Āe, āe! Ko te tauhohenga makariri i tae mai ki ahau, kāore he mihi. 

Te āhua nei, kāore au i te tino pūkenga ki te whakaipoipo i a ia mēnā kāore au e angitu i roto i ngā mahi mātauranga uaua. Nō reira, koinei te āhua o te mahi ina tūtaki koe ki tētahi tangata whakatoi i roto i te whanaungatanga. He rite ki te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi whakataetae mutunga kore ka hinga koe i ia rauna. Kāore e tika ana kia whakanuia tō angitu me ō whakatutukitanga. 

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4. Kua kōrerotia ki a koe te mea hei mahi 

Kāore anō koe kia pakeke ki te kawe i ō ake kawenga, nō reira, tukua ahau kia wawao atu, kia kōrero atu ki a koe me pēhea te whakahaere i tōu ao. Koinei te āhua o te tangata whakatoi whanaungatanga ka uru mai, ka whakahaere. I mua i tō mōhio, kei te karo koe i ngā waea a tō hoa pai nā te mea he awe kino rātou, ā, me tapahi e koe tā rātou waea hei painga mō tēnei whanaungatanga. 

Ae, te noho hei tangata whakahaere He tohu tēnei mō te whanaungatanga me te whanonga whakatoi i roto. Ka kī atu te kaiwhakatoi kare ā-roto ki a koe me pēhea te kakahu, ko wai te tangata me tūtaki koe, me pēhea hoki te whakaatu i a koe i roto i te āhua e pai ana ki a rātou. I te nuinga o te wā, ka tukua e te hoa ngohengohe aua tono koretake hei pupuri i te rangimārie, kāore rānei i te kaha ki te aro atu ki ngā hua. 

5. E tukinotia ana koe 

Hei whakamutunga, engari ehara i te mea iti rawa, ko te tauira kino rawa atu o te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga katoa - ko te tutu tinana. Ehara i te mea ko ngā wāhine anake ngā patunga o te tukino tinana, ahakoa koinei te tirohanga whānui. pepa pepa E ai ki te National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 i roto i te 4 o ngā tāne i te USA kua pāngia e te tūkino tinana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tae atu ki te papaki, te pana, te pana rānei. 

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Ko te tangata e tukino ana, kāore i te tino pouri, i te pouri rānei. Kei a rātou te whakaaro "Kua mamae ahau, me mamae hoki koe ināianei". Ko tā rātou anake he hiahia kia nui ake tō rātou mana." Kāore he tokorua i roto i te whanaungatanga hauora e pāngia e tēnei momo mate kino. Nō reira, tū atu mai i te whiu tuatahi, kaua e tatari kia hinga rawa. 

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3 Ngā Mea Ka Taea e Koe te Mahi Mena Kei Roto Koe i te Hononga ki te Tangata Whakatoi

Kei te hiahia koe ki te whakarongo ki tētahi mea pouri? Kāore e taea e ētahi tāngata te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino. Te hononga mamae He mahi nui tā rātou i roto i tēnei. Ahakoa e hiahia ana rātou ki te wehe, kāore e taea e rātou te kohikohi kaha hinengaro. Ka whakahaerea rātou i te meneti whakamutunga. Ko ngā haerenga hara, ngā kēmu whakapae, me ngā whakawehi ki te whara i tētahi e tata ana ki a koe he rautaki noa katoa a te kaiwhakatoi kare ā-roto. 

Waihoki, kāore he pūnaha tautoko pumau, he wāhi haumaru rānei i muri i te whakakorenga a tō hoa tukino i a koe i te katoa i roto i tō ao. Nā te kore o ngā rauemi me te mōhiotanga, te whakama e pā ana ki te tukino, te kore e taea te uru atu ki ngā pokapū tautoko whara, me te kore tautoko a te ture i roto i te nuinga o ngā wā (ina koa mō ngā tāne takatāpui), ka nui rawa te mahi ki te puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino.

I a tātou e kōrero ana mō te whanaungatanga i waenga i te tukino me te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, ko ngā pānga kino o te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga ka akiaki i a koe ki te whakapono he hē tōu. Kāore koe i te pai mō tetahi. Nō reira, ka ngana koe ki te whakaae ki te aroha tukino, ki te kaiwhakatoi kare ā-roto rānei, me te whakaaro koinei te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe te mahi. 

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Ka tiaki te hoa i tukinotia i tā rātou hoa tukino nā te mea kei roto rātou i te āhua ngoikore me te pōhēhē. Tērā pea ka tīmata rātou ki te whakaaro he wāhanga pono kei roto i ngā kōrero, i ngā mahi rānei a tā rātou hoa. Mā te hononga mamae ka kōrero koe i ngā mea pēnei i te, "Tērā pea he kaiwhakatoi rātou i ētahi wā. Engari ki te kore, he tino pai, he aroha hoki rātou. Ka manaaki rātou i ahau, ka whakatutuki i aku hiahia katoa." Nō reira, ko te tukino tētahi mea e pai ana te hoa i tukinotia ki te tuku."

Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Mēnā Kāore Koe e Manakohia Ana i roto i Tō Hononga

Me kōrero atu ahau mō te hoa wahine a taku whanaunga, he wahine tino nui te tiaki. Kei te ngana tonu ia ki te tinihanga i a Brian mā roto i ana painga pūtea. Ko te tikanga, me whai tangata ia hei āwhina i a ia ki te whakakore i tōna mokemoke. 

Ahakoa i muri i te raupapa o ngā ngana ki te puta atu i te whanaungatanga kino, kāore i taea e Brian. Ka aukati ia i a ia kei haere mā te whakamahi i tētahi momo whakawehi kare ā-roto i ia wā. Heoi, ka mea mai a Brian ki ahau, "Kāore ia e hiahia ana ki te whara i ahau. He tino ataahua te wā i noho tahi ai māua. Ki taku whakaaro he tangata pai ia. Me pēhea rā ahau e ora ai i te ao me te kore ia?"

Kei te kite koe kei hea te raruraru? Kāore au e huna i te pono, me kaha koe ki te whawhai ki ō āwangawanga hōhonu. Ko reira anake ka taea e koe te tumanako ka wātea koe i tēnei whakamamae mutunga kore. E toru ngā mea ka tūtohu mātou hei whakatau i te whanonga whakatoi whanaungatanga:

1. Kōrero ki tō hoa 

He pai ake kia kaua e tino tumanako ka pā mai tēnei tangata kino ka huri tonu i tō rātou āhuaAe, ka taea e rātou te huri i a rātou anō mā te rongoā e aro ana ki te whara me te auau, engari kāore koe e hiahia kia noho hei whara tāpiri i tā rātou haerenga whakaora. Mena kei te hiahia tonu koe ki te whakamātau whakamutunga i mua i te whakakore i te whanaungatanga, ko te huarahi anake ki te mahi i tēnā ko te whakapuaki me te pupuri i ō āwangawanga. 

Ka taea e koe te whakamātau kia kite rātou i ngā hapa o tā rātou mahi ki a koe, me te whakatakoto rohe. Mena kei te pirangi rātou ki te mahi i te whanaungatanga, ko te wawaotanga ngaio pea te otinga pai rawa atu i konei. Mō te rongoā whai hua mō ngā tokorua, nau mai haere mai ki tā mātou Rōpū tohutohu Bono, he rōpū kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro me ngā tohunga hinengaro pūkenga e hiahia tonu ana ki te āwhina i a koe. 

2. Whakamutua rawatia 

Āe, kua tae ki te wā ki te whao whakamutunga ki te kāwhena. Kua kite koe i tētahi tauira i roto i te whanaungatanga me te tukino a tō hoa. Kāore rawa he tohu o te pai i te kokonga. 

Hei patunga anō hoki, e mōhio ana koe ki te āhua o te ngā pānga o te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga me te tukino ā-waha Ka pā kino ki tō hauora tinana, hinengaro hoki. Ka taea e koe te homai i tētahi take pai hei whakamanawanui i tēnei mahi wairangi mō te wā roa? Ki te mea koe kei te aroha tonu rātou ki a koe, kāti, kāore! Tukua rātou kia mahi tinihanga. Ka tākai koe i ō peke ka pākū te tatau ki tō rātou mata.

Te pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu Whakamārama o te Whakamahi Kino i roto i te Hononga

3. Rapua he āwhina ture me ngā rōpū tautoko 

Kaua e hohou i te rongo ki te tūkino tinana i roto i tētahi āhuatanga. Me pēhea te whakamutu i te tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ka tūtohu mātou kia waihangahia e koe he mahere mawhiti katoa mai i tō whare i runga i te hiahia o te āhuatanga. Kia maumahara ki ngā nama waea ohorere o te whānau me ngā hoa ka haere mai ki te whakaora i a koe. 

Me mahi i ngā mahi ture tika i mua i te korenga e taea te whakahaere. He maha ngā ratonga āwhina me ngā rōpū tautoko hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru. whakaino i roto i te whareWhakapā atu ki ngā ratonga me ngā kaupapa ā-rohe, inā koa mēnā kei te āwangawanga koe mō te haumaru o tāu tamaiti. 

Kia whakarongo tātou ki ngā whakaaro o Jaseena. "Me whakarite kia mōhio te tangata ki āna mahi whakatoi. Mēnā he mana tukino, me whakapuaki e koe. Me mārama tō tūnga, "He mahi whakatoi tēnei, ā, ehara te whakatoi i te mea e whakaaetia ana e au."

"Ki te haere tonu tō hoa i tā rāua mahi tukino, he mea nui tēnei hei āwangawanga. Ko te huarahi anake hei ōrite i tēnei ko te whakahoki mai i te tukino. Engari ehara tēnā i te kōwhiringa pai, kāore hoki i te hauora. Me waea atu koe mēnā kei te noho haumaru koe i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, mēnā rānei kei te hiahia koe ki te mawhiti atu i te paitini," tana kī.

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Heoi anō, ko tā mātou e tino tumanako nei kia kaua tō kauwhata whanaungatanga e taka ki roto i tēnei arai. Kāore e taea e koe te noho tonu me te kore te whakaute tetahi i tetahi i roto i te whanaungatanga; e tika ana koe kia arohaina mutunga kore. Kaua e tukua te tangata whakatoi kia whakatenatena i a koe kāore he oranga mou i tua atu i tēnei reinga kare ā-roto.  

Kei te mahara koe ki te kōrero a Benjamin Mee i I hokona e matou he Zoo"E mōhio ana koe, i ētahi wā ko te mea anake e hiahiatia ana e koe he rua tekau hēkona o te maia porangi. E rua tekau hēkona noa iho o te maia whakama. Ā, ka oati ahau ki a koe, ka puta he mea nui mai i tēnā."

Whakahokia tēnei pēnei i te mantra. Kia mōhio koe e hiahia ana koe ki te āwhina, kātahi ka tono atu. Nā te mea, ki te kore koe e rite ki te mahi i te taahiraa tuatahi, kāore tetahi e mōhio me pēhea te āwhina i a koe. He ao whakamiharo tēnei, ā, e tika ana kia wetekina koe kia whakamātauria.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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