20 Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakamutu i te Hiahia ki tētahi Hononga

I tēnei ao e āhua nei kua aro nui ki ngā pūrākau aroha me ngā mutunga pakiwaitara, ka taea e te hiahia mō tētahi whanaungatanga aroha te whakakī i ō tātou whakaaro. Heoi anō, ka tae mai te wā ka nui te hiranga o te haere i tētahi haerenga o te kimi i a koe anō me te whakatutuki i tōu ake hiahia. Kāore he tohutohu tere mō te whakamutu i te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga, engari he maha ngā mahi hei ārahi i a koe ki taua āhua hinengaro.

rangahau kua whakaatuhia i ētahi wā, i whakaatuhia e te hunga takakau ngā āhuatanga motuhake me te whanaketanga whaiaro. Nō reira, kia ora ai koe i te oranga whai take, tipu, me te ngākau māhaki, kua kohikohia e mātou he 20 tohutohu whai hua hei whakamutu i te hiahia ki te aroha me te aroha mai i tētahi hoa pakiwaitara. Me tautuhi anō tātou i te ara ki te harikoa i tua atu i ngā rohe o tētahi rapunga aroha. 

He aha ahau ka pouri ai mō tētahi whanaungatanga?

Ko te hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga ka puta ake i te nuinga o te wā nā te āmatonormativity, he mea nui i roto i tō tātou ahurea. Ko te āmatoormativity te aro nui o te hapori ki tētahi whanaungatanga aroha hei puna matua o te harikoa me te whakatutukitanga. Ko ngā whakaahua tino pai i roto i ngā pāpāho me ngā papaaho pāpori ka puta te ahua o te hiahia nui me te pēhanga ki te kimi hoa. 

Hei tāpiritanga, ko ngā āwangawanga whaiaro, ngā wheako o mua o te whakakorenga, me te kore tautoko kare ā-roto e whai wāhi ana ki tēnei pouri. He mea nui te mārama me te aro atu ki te amatonormativity hei whawhai i ēnei awe pāpori me te whakatipu i tētahi tirohanga hauora ake mō ngā whanaungatanga me te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō. I mua i tō ako me pēhea te tuku i te hiahia mō tētahi hoa, anei ētahi take e rima pea e matenui ana koe ki tētahi:

 1. Ka taea e te wehi o te mana motuhake te akiaki i te tangata ki te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga aroha

Tērā pea ka āwangawanga ētahi mō te tū motuhake, te whakatau kaupapa, te whakamarie rānei i a rātou anō. Tērā pea ka kite rātou i te whanaungatanga hei huarahi ki te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi atu mō te ārahi me te whakamarie, ka arahi atu ki te hiahia nui ki tētahi hoa. 

I roto i tēnei āhua o te whakawhirinakitanga kare ā-roto, e ai ki tēnei tuhinga, "Ko te tikanga ka whakawhirinaki koe ki tō hoa rangatira hei whakatutuki i ngā matea katoa. Ina pāngia koe e te pouri, me titiro wawe atu koe ki a rātou i mua i te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto." Kia arotahi koe ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō, kia noho hei putanga pai rawa atu māu, ka taea e koe te arotahi ki tētahi whanaungatanga. 

2. Tērā pea ka hiahia koe kia mawhiti te aroha i ngā take whaiaro

Ko te ngakau pouri mō tētahi whanaungatanga he huarahi pea hei tahuri ke i a koe anō i ngā wero whaiaro, i ngā take rānei kāore anō kia whakatauhia. 

• Ko ētahi e rapu ana i ngā hononga aroha hei whakararuraru i ō rātou uauatanga whaiaro pērā i te ahotea o ia rā, i te manukanuka rānei kāore e hiahia ana ki te aro atu.
• Ka whakamahia e ētahi tāngata ngā whanaungatanga aroha hei rapu whakamana mai i tā rātou hoa mahi ā, he mea tika kia arohaina hei huna i ō rātou āwangawanga me te ruarua i a rātou anō. Mā te hoa rātou e āwhina kia noho haumaru, kia noho pūmau hoki

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3. Ko te pēhanga pāpori pea te whakautu ki te pātai "He aha ahau i hiahia tonu ai ki tētahi hoa tāne/wahine?"

A ako e kī ana i te wā o waenganui o te taiohitanga, kua uru te nuinga o ngā tamariki ki tētahi hononga aroha, neke atu rānei. Nā tēnei tumanakohanga pāpori ka tere rātou te tirotiro i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo maha, ka uru ki tētahi hononga korekore. Anei te āhua o te pēhanga ki a tātou kia hiahia ki tētahi hononga: 

• Ngā whakataurite pāpāho pāpori: Ko te whakaaturanga tonu o ngā whanaungatanga tino pai i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori ka hanga he tumanako huna kia tutuki i te katoa. Ka waiho hei mehua mō te angitu.
• Ngā huihuinga whānau me ngā uiuinga: Ko ngā kōrero 'pai' a ngā mema o te whānau, o ngā hoa rānei pēnei i te "Tirohia taua tangata, te āhua nei he momo tangata koe. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaipoipo i a rātou?" ka whakakaha ake i te whakapono a te hapori me noho te whanaungatanga hei mea nui mā te katoa. Ki te kore, ka kiia koe he tangata tauhou i roto i ngā porowhita e whakawhirinaki ana koe mō te haumaru.
• Ngā kōrerorero noa i waenganui i ngā hoa: Ko ngā kōrero o ia rā pēnei i te "Kei te takakau tonu koe?" e whakaatu ana i te tumanako a te hapori kia noho tahi te katoa i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tāpiri atu i te pēhanga koretake.

4. Ka taea e ngā tumanakohanga ahurea, whakapono rānei te mea kia hiahia nui koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga

A ako e whakaatu ana "ko te nui haere o te whakapono o te hunga whakapono, ko te nui haere o te aro ki ngā ariā mō te āhua o te marena, o te kawenata rānei, e whai pānga nui ana ki te nuinga o ngā whakaakoranga whakapono." Nā tēnei ka whakatau kino te tangata i ngā whakatau, ka uru atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga nui tonu. Hei tauira:

• He tokomaha te hunga e rapu ana i ngā hoa o te whakapono kotahi kia tutuki ai te hononga i waenga i ngā uara me ngā tikanga ahurea, kia poipoia ai he tūāpapa kotahi mō te oranga whānau.
• He tapu tēnei e te tini o te hunga wehi ki te Atua ina kore te tangata e mārena, ki te mea rānei he kāore he tamariki a te tokorua kua marenatiaKo te kōrero pakiwaitara me te pēhanga e puta mai ana ka hiahia te tangata ki te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e arahi ana ki te marena. 

Ki te mea ko koe tēnā, kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea kino te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te mea kāore i te pai ko te arotahi ki te putanga whakaipoipo o ngā whanaungatanga, ki te whakama rānei e pā ana ki te kore e noho ki roto i tētahi. Ngāna kia kitea tō ake tuakiri i roto i ngā whakapono whakapono e mau ana koe. 

Tērā pea ka hiahia nui te tangata ki te whai hononga nā runga i ngā tumanakohanga ahurea, whakapono rānei.

5. Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki tētahi hoa mō te haumaru me te pumau 

Ki te tini o ngā wāhine, he maha ngā wā ka whakatōkia e te āhua o te hapori te whakapono ko te whai tāne i roto i ō rātou ao he tohu ia mō te haumaru o te hapori me te pūtea. Ko te wetewete i tēnei āhua ko te wero i ngā whakaaro tawhito me te mōhio ko te kaha whaiaro me te mana motuhake te mea e whakatakoto ana i te ara mō te oranga harikoa me te pumau, ka taea ai e tēnei te arahi ki tētahi whanaungatanga mēnā e hiahia ana koe.

Waihoki, ina kitea e koe tētahi, kia maumahara ehara i te mea he hiahia nui atu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, engari he hē te tuku i ō hiahia katoa, i ō taumahatanga rānei ki tō hoa. Nō reira, ngana kia mōhio ki te wā e mahi ana koe i tēnā, ā, hoki whakamuri.

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Me pēhea te whakamutu i te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga

Kei te āwangawanga koe mō te āhua o tō whanaungatanga? Kei te whakaaro koe "He aha ahau i hiahia tonu ai ki tētahi hoa tāne/wahine?" "He aha ahau i tino hiahia ai ki tētahi hoa ahakoa kua wehe kē māua?" He mea tino noa tēnei, ā, ka taea e koe te wikitoria i tēnei āhua ngoikore. Nō reira, ki te rapu huarahi koe hei whakamutu i te hiahia ki te aroha o te āhua aroha kia 'tino' ai koe, pānuihia i mua i tā mātou kohinga o ngā tohutohu e 20:

1. Arotahi ki te kimi i a koe anō, me te awhi i te mana motuhake

Whakapaua te wā ki te tūhura i ō hiahia, ō wawata, me ō uara. Kimihia ko wai koe hei tangata takitahi i waho o te whanaungatanga aroha. Kimihia ō mea e pai ana ki a koe me ō mea e kore e pai ki a koe. E pā ana hoki tēnei ki te whakatutukitanga o te moepuku. Ka pā pai tēnei mōhiotanga hou ki a koe anō ki tō whanaungatanga ā muri ake nei. Engari i te peke atu ki roto i te whanaungatanga pono, anei ētahi huarahi hei whakapai ake i te noho takakau:

• Akohia te kī kāo ki ngā herenga e pau ai tō kaha
• Momotuhia te hononga ki te hangarau, ka whakarite i tētahi wā hei wehe atu i ngā mata me ngā mea hei whakararuraru i a koe.
• Ngāna ki te mahi i ētahi mahi takitahi, pērā i te kawe i a koe ki waho mō ngā wā whakatau, me ētahi atu.
• Whakaritea he wā mōku ake kia mutu ai te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga mō tētahi wā. Akene haere ki ngā akomanga tunu kai, ka tunu i tētahi tina papai māu.

Kia tino awhi koe i tōu tū motuhake, ka puāwai ō whanaungatanga, ā, ka puta he whakaaro o te whakapono ki a koe anō.

Mō ētahi atu māramatanga tautokona e ngā tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou YouTube hongere.

2. Whakatakotoria he whāinga whaiaro kāore e uru ana ki te aroha

He nui atu ngā mea o te ao i tua atu i te whakaaro noa ki te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga. I a koe e whakatairanga ana i te tipu whaiaro, ka kitea e koe te harikoa i tua atu i te whai hoa. Nō reira, arotahihia tō kaha ki te whakatutuki i ngā tohu me ngā wawata whaiaro pēnei i tēnei:

• Whakatakotoria he whāinga whaiaro ki roto i tētahi rātaka, i tētahi pānui rānei, ā, whakamahia tō kaha ki te whakatutuki i aua whāinga. 
• Whakanuia ō whakatutukitanga, werohia hoki koe ki te whai i ō moemoeā
• Waihangahia he rārangi o ngā mea whakamiharo e hiahia ana koe ki te wheako, ā, me mahi ki te whakatutuki i ia mea.

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3. Whakatipu kaha i ō hoa

I a koe e hiahia ana kia hiahiatia, kia arohaina hoki, kaua e wareware ki ō hoa pai rawa atu. Ki te mea me whiriwhiri koe i waenga i te te whakahoahoa me te whanaungatanga, Kōwhiria te whakahoahoa. Whakatipuhia ngā hononga hohonu, whai tikanga hoki ki ngā hoa e kawe mai ana i te harikoa, te tautoko, me te whakahoahoa ki tō ao. Ka taea e tēnei te waiho hei whakakorikori i tō rapunga kia mutu te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

• Tīmatahia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i ia wā
• Akohia te whakarongo mārie ina kōrero ana ō hoa
• Kia tautoko i ō hoa, kia noho hoki ki te taha o ō hoa i ngā wā harikoa me ngā wā uaua
• Ka taea hoki e ngā hoahoa Platonic te tuku i te whanaungatanga ā-tinana i roto i te ahua o ngā awhi me ngā taupatupatu, no reira whakatuwheratia tēnei kōrero ki a rātou.

4. Me pēhea te whakamutu i te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga: Me mahi i te tiaki i a koe anō

Ka taea e koe te mutu te hiahia ki te aroha mai i tētahi atu, engari kaua e mutu te hiahia ki te aroha mai i a koe anō. Whakatairangahia tō oranga mā te whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahi e whakatairanga ana i te manaaki i a koe anō, pērā i te whakakori tinana, te whakaaroaro, me ngā mahi whakangahau. He nui noa iho tētahi mea e hari ai koe. 

• Whakatōkia tō wairua ki te aroha, ki ngā whakaū pai, me te whakawhetai
• Awhitia ō ngoikoretanga, whakanuia tō ahurei
• Mahia ngā mea e waiata harikoa ai tō ngākau, ahakoa kāore ētahi e mārama, e kite rānei he rerekē. Hei tauira, ina tīmata ngā tāne ki te whatu hei oranga hinengaro mō rātou.

5. Hangaia te whakapono ki a koe anō hei patu i te pouri o te noho takakau

Ko te hunga e wareware ana ki a rātou anō ka mutu ka aro katoa ki te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Arotahi ki ōu kaha, mahi ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō, me te whakawhanake i tētahi tirohanga pai ki a koe anō. Anei ētahi tohutohu mō te whakamutu i te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga mā te hanga whakapono ki a koe anō:

• Tirohia ō āhuatanga ahurei me ō pūkenga, kaua e whakahāwea
• Whakakapia te whakahē i a koe anō ki te aroha ki a koe anō 
• Whakakapia ngā whakaaro kino ki ngā whakaū pai
• Whakanuia tō ahunga whakamua me ō whakatutukitanga i te ara
• Puta atu i tō rohe whakamarie i ngā wā katoa, engari kaua e kaha rawa

I a koe e tiaki ana i a koe anō, ka tiaho tō ngākau i te ngākau māhaki, ka kukume mai i te aroha pono ki roto i tō ao. Tukua kia tiaho tō māramatanga o roto, ā, ka kitea e koe kei roto anō i a koe te aroha e rapuhia ana e koe. 

6. Whakatairangahia tō oranga tinana

Arotakehia ngā āhuatanga e whakaiti ana i tō harikoa, e whakararu ana rānei i tō hauora. Akohia te kī kāo ki ngā herenga taumaha, me te whakatū i ngā rohe pakari ki te whānau me ngā hoa kino. I ētahi wā, ka rapu noa tātou i tētahi hoa nā te mea he ngoikore, he ngenge rānei tātou. Nā te mea rānei kāore tātou e tautokona ana. 

Nō reira, ko te taahiraa tuatahi ko te tango i te para i roto i tō koiora. Kaua e waiho hei tangata e wareware tonu ana ki te ngā haki whero o te whanaungatanga. Mā te whakawātea i tō wā me tō wāhi hinengaro mai i ngā whakaaro kino me ngā tumanakohanga koretake, ka whakatakoto koe i te ara mō te oranga hauora. Mā tēnei anō hoki koe e āwhina ki te wetewete i te hiahia mō tētahi whanaungatanga.

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7. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro tonu koe mō te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga, werohia ngā tikanga pāpori

Ko te pātai i ngā tumanakohanga me ngā tikanga tuku iho e pā ana ki te marena me te whakapau kaha mō te wā roa he taahiraa nui ki te whakaora i a koe i te hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Hei wero i ēnei tikanga, whakaarohia ēnei e whai ake nei:

• Whakahoa ki te hunga takakau harikoa: Whakawhanuihia tō whatunga pāpori kia uru atu ai te hunga kua whiriwhiri i te oranga takakau. Mā te taunekeneke ki te hunga e tautoko ana i tō rātou mana motuhake ka taea te whakarato i ngā tirohanga rerekē mō te harikoa me te angitu.
• Kōrero mō te amatonormativity: Whakatairangahia ngā kōrero tuwhera ki ngā hoa, ki te whānau, ki ngā hoa mahi rānei mō ngā tumanakohanga a te hapori mō ngā whanaungatanga. Whakatenatenahia ngā kōrero e wero ana i ēnei tikanga, kia pai ake ai te māramatanga whānui me te aroha ki te harikoa whaiaro.
• Whakahoutia o whakaaro mō te noho takakau: Werohia ngā tikanga ā-roto o te hapori e kī ana ko te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga te huarahi anake ki te otinga. Whakaūtia te mana o te noho takakau hei kōwhiringa mohio me te whai hua.
• Akohia ngā hanganga whanaungatanga kore-tūturu: Ahakoa he whanaungatanga maha, ngā whanaungatanga tuwhera, me ētahi atu tauira rerekē rānei, mā te mārama ki te whānuitanga o ngā āheinga whanaungatanga ka whānui ake tō tirohanga ki te āhua o tētahi hononga whānui.

8. Whakawhanakehia he tikanga whakawhetai

Ko tetahi o nga pai ngā tohutohu aroha ki a koe anō ko te ako ki te whakawhetai. Kia ako koe ki te whakawhetai mō ngā mea katoa e karapoti ana i a koe, ka iti ake tō aro ki te hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko ētahi huarahi ngāwari ki te mahi i tēnei ko:

• Kōrerohia tō haerenga whakawhetai ki tētahi hoa, hangaia rānei he rōpū iti e whakatapua ana ki te whakapuaki i te whakawhetai. Mā te kōrero auau mō ngā mea e whakawhetai ana koe ka puta he kawenga me te wheako pai tahi.
• Whakatapua he meneti torutoru i ia rā hei tuhi i ngā mea e toru e whakawhetai ana koe. Mā tēnei mahi ngāwari ka akiaki i tētahi tirohanga pai, ā, ka āwhina i te neke i te arotahi ki ngā āhuatanga pai o tō koiora.
• Waihangahia he ipu, he pouaka rānei hei whakatakotoranga i ngā reta whakawhetai, hei tuhi i ngā wā, i ngā wheako, i ngā mea rānei e whakawhetai ana koe. Tirohia anō ēnei reta i ia wā, i ia wā, kia pai ake ai te wairua.

I a koe e whakatairanga ana i te whakawhetai, ka neke tō arotahi mai i te hiahia nui ki te awhi i te taonga o ō wheako o nāianei. Mā te whakaae ki te nui o te taonga i roto i tō ao, ka kitea e koe te ngākau māhaki i roto i a koe anō, ka whakaiti i te pēhanga o te rapunga mō tētahi whanaungatanga, ka hangai ake ki ō hiahia pono.

9. Tūhurahia ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia hou

Ka taea e koe te haumi ki te whanaketanga whaiaro mā te pānui pukapuka, te haere ki ngā awheawhe, te whai rānei i ngā mātauranga anō. Whakawhanuitia ō mātauranga me ō pūkenga i te tere e hiahiatia ana e koe. Mā tēnei wairua o te whakatutukitanga ka whakaitihia te hiahia mō te whakamanatanga mai i waho. Awhitia te whai wāhi ki te ako me te tipu i ngā wāhanga e whakahihiri ana i a koe. Ko ētahi o ngā painga o te mahi pera ko:

• Ka whānui ake ō tirohanga mā roto i ngā hiahia harikoa, ka whakarei ake i tō māramatanga ki a koe anō 
• Mā te whakaoho i tō hiahia me tō hihiri ka tahuri ke te hinengaro i tētahi huarahi hauora 
• Ka taea e ia te ārahi ki te māramatanga hohonu ake ki a koe anō, me te arahi ki ngā hononga hou me ngā wheako whakatenatena.

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10. Haereere, tūhura hoki kia kore ai koe e hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga

Mā te haereere me te tūhura takitahi ka āwhina i te whakatipu i a koe anō

Me whai wāhi hou koe e hiahia ana kia kite. Whakatakotoria he whāinga kia haereere, kia tūhuratia hoki. Tīmatahia ngā mahi mōrearea, tūhuratia ngā wāhi hou, me te rumaki i a koe ki roto i ngā ahurea kanorau hei whakawhānui i tō tirohanga me te waihanga i ngā wheako e kore e warewaretia. Te haere takitahi mō ngā wāhine āwhina ki te whakaū anō i tō rātou herekoretanga. Engari, kia maumahara ki ēnei tohutohu:

• Kōwhiria he wāhi e rite ana ki ō hiahia me te taumata whakamarie
• Whakamaherehia i mua i te mea ka taea e koe, engari kia mau tonu te ngāwari me te tūponotanga
• Tīmatahia he mea iti mēnā koinei tō haerenga takitahi tuatahi
• Kia māmā, kia atamai hoki te tākai
• Ko te mea nui, kia noho hono tonu, kia noho haumaru hoki. Tukuna atu ngā mahere haere ki ngā whanaunga pono. 

11. Tukua ka whakahoki mai 

A ako i kitea he maha ngā wā ka nui ake te harikoa o te hunga e tūao ana i roto i ō rātou oranga. Ka taea e ngā ratonga pāpori te whakarato tautoko, rauemi, me te wairua hapori, e poipoi ana i ngā kare ā-roto o te noho tahi me te whakaiti i te mokemoke. 

Ka taea e koe te whai wāhi atu ki tō hapori, me te whai pānga pai ki te oranga o ētahi atu mā roto i ngā mahi atawhai me te mahi ratonga. Tūao i roto i tētahi whare tiaki kararehe (ko wai ka mutu te hiahia ki te aroha mai i ngā kararehe?). Kōwhiria rānei tētahi atu kaupapa e tata ana ki tō ngākau. Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te whakahoki mai i te aroha me te whakanui ake i tō wairua.

12. Whakatipuhia te herekoretanga ā-ira tangata kia puta atu ai i te whakaaro "He takakau ahau"

Ki te tini o te tangata, he mea nui te whai i ngā mahi moepuku haumaru, whakaaetia hoki, kia pai ai te noho i roto i te ao. Kia kore ai e hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga, me tiaki koe i a koe anō i te tuatahi. He wāhi tēnei e whakawhirinaki ana tātou ki ētahi atu. He maha ngā huarahi hei whakamātau i a koe anō, ā, ko tētahi o ngā huarahi māmā ko ngā taputapu whakangahau. 

Ki te awhi koe i tēnei whānuitanga o ngā wheako me te kore whakama, e kore e taea e koe te wetewete i te whakawhirinaki nui ki ētahi atu mō te makona i te moepuku, engari ka taea hoki e koe te whiwhi mana whaiaro me te hononga hohonu ki a koe anō. Kātahi, ina te tangata tika, he ngāwari noa iho te whakapuaki i te hiahia nui atu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ināianei he aha tāu e hiahia ana i runga i te moenga.

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13. Whakaharatauhia te aroātahi kia taea ai e koe te noho me ngā kare ā-roto e kore e pai

Ngāna kia noho i te wā tonu, kia mōhio ki a koe anō, kia mārama ake hoki ki ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei ka hauora whānui, ka tau te rangimārie o roto, ka whakaae hoki ki a koe anō. Ko ētahi huarahi hei whakamahi i te aroātahi ko:

• Nga tikanga papa whenua: Kia aro ki ō kare ā-roto ina puta ngā kare ā-roto o te ngakaukore. Hono atu ki te wā o nāianei mā te arotahi ki ngā mea e kite ana koe, e rongo ana koe, e hongi ana koe, e reka ana koe, e pā ana hoki. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te tahuri atu i ngā manukanuka e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga.
• Ngā mahi whakawero whakaaro: Ina puta ake ngā whakaaro pōuri, pātaihia te tika o aua whakaaro, ā, whakakapia ki ngā tirohanga taurite, tūturu hoki. Mā te aro nui ka taea te wehe atu i ngā whakaaro kino aunoa.

I a koe e whakawhanake ana i te hononga hohonu ake ki a koe anō me ō kare ā-roto, ka heke te hiahia mō te whakamanatanga mai i waho, ā, ka kitea e koe ko te tino ngākau māhaki kei roto i te taonga o tō ao o roto.

14. Tukatukahia ō wheako o mua kia mutu ai te hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga

Whakaarohia ngā whanaungatanga o mua, ako mai i a rātou, ā, mahi ki te whakaora i ngā patunga kare ā-roto, i ngā take rānei kāore anō kia whakatauhia. Anei te āwhina:

• Ka whai wāhi ngā wheako ki ngā whanaungatanga ki te huarahi e whakatata atu ai tātou ki te aroha i tēnei wā, nō reira arotahi ki te whakatau, ki te whakaae rānei ki ngā mea o mua. Mā tēnei katinga ka whakatairanga i te whakaora kare ā-roto me te huarahi hauora ki ngā whanaungatanga ā muri ake nei.
• Mā te mārama ki ngā kare ā-roto e hono ana ki ō whanaungatanga o mua ka taea te whakaora, te poipoi i te manawanui, me te whakawhanake i tētahi hinengaro hauora.
• Mā tēnei ka mārama ake koe ki ō hiahia, ki ngā mea hei whakakore i ngā whakaritenga, me ngā whāinga whanaungatanga.

15. Whakauru atu ki ngā whakaū pai

A ako E whakaatu ana "ka taea e ngā whakaū-ā-koe te whakahoki mai i te pūkenga-ā-koe mā te tuku i ngā tāngata ki te whakaaroaro ki ngā pūtake o te mana-koe, pērā i ngā uara matua." I ētahi wā ka wareware tātou ki a tātou anō. Whakaūhia tō mana me tō ngākau māhaki i te noho takakau. Whakamaumahara ki a koe anō ki ngā painga me ngā whai wāhitanga e puta mai ana i te noho takakau. Arotahi ki ngā mea katoa e arohaina ana e koe mōu ake, me te ngana kia nui ake te whakaae ki a koe anō ko wai koe. 

16. Hangaia he whatunga tautoko e whakamana ana i tō tūnga takakau

He mea nui kia whai hoa, whānau, rōpū tautoko rānei e mārama ana ki tō hiahia ki te arotahi ki te tipu whaiaro. Mā te whatunga manaaki kaha, ka taea e koe te ora me te kore e hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga hei whakakī i taua āputa. 

• Ngāna kia hoki whakamuri koe i te noho tahi me te hunga kua whai hononga mō tētahi wā
• Whakapaua he wā anō ki te hunga takakau e ora pai ana i roto i ō rātou oranga
• Karapotia koe e te hunga mārama, aroha hoki, e whakanui ana i tō haerenga o te tūhuratanga i a koe anō.
• Ka taea e ēnei tāngata me ēnei rōpū te whakarato i te tautoko kare ā-roto me te whakamana e tino hiahiatia ana e koe, e tika ana hoki māu. Mā tēnei whakatenatena me te whakahoahoa ka taea te whakatipu i te wairua haumaru me te noho tahi.

17. Whakatā i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo me ngā pāpāho pāpori

Mā te momotu atu i te tūponotanga tonu ki ngā whanaungatanga o ētahi atu ka taea e koe te neke ake i tō arotahi ki roto, ki te kimi i te ngākau māhaki i roto i a koe anō. Mā te okioki mai i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo me ngā pāpāho pāpori ka waihangahia he wāhi mō te whakaaroaro ki a koe anō, te manaaki i a koe anō, me te whakaaro hou. Mā te wehe atu i te whakataurite tonu me te whakamana me ngā pēhanga o waho, ka whakatipuhia e koe he wairua motuhake me te harikoa, ka waiho te rapu whanaungatanga hei whiringa e ahu mai ana i te pono, kaua hei huarahi ki te rapu whakamana mai i ētahi atu.

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18. Whakatipuhia he mahi whai hua hei whakakore i te hiahia nui ki te whanaungatanga 

I tēnei whakataetae hiahia mō tētahi hoa tino pai, ka wareware tātou ki ētahi atu āhuatanga o te ao. Whakangaohia tō wā me tō kaha ki te hanga i tētahi oranga ngaio whakamīharo e whai hua ai koe. Ka taea e tēnei te whakarato i tētahi pūtake o te whai huatanga me te whakatutukitanga, ka whakaiti i te arotahi anake ki te kimi hoa. 

Tīmatahia te haerenga o te tipu whaiaro me te tipu ngaio, ā, ka kitea e koe ko te tino ngākau māhaki ka puta mai i te oranga whai hua. Mā te whakamahi i tō ngākau nui me tō kaha ki te hanga i tētahi mahi whai hua, ka whakawhanakehia e koe he māramatanga kaha ake mōu ake.

19. Whakauru atu ki te whakaaroaro i a koe anō

Arotakehia ōu ake hiahia, matea, me ō uara i ia wā. Kia tino rite ōu hiahia mō tētahi whanaungatanga ki tō āhua tūturu. He mea pai te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga engari me whai whakaaro nui. 

• Mā te whakaaroaro tonu, ka hohonu ake tō māramatanga ki tāu e rapu nei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.
• Mā te tukanga o te tūhura i a koe anō, ka kitea e koe ko te hiahia mō tētahi hononga whai tikanga e ahu mai ana i tētahi wāhi pono, kaua i te hiahia kia tahuri ke atu tētahi, kia whakatau rānei i ō raruraru.
• Kātahi ka taea e koe te whakatipu i tētahi hononga pono hei tautoko i tō oranga, kaua hei whakaoti i tō oranga.

20. Whakaharatau i te manawanui me te whakawhirinaki ki te wā

He maha ngā wā ka puta mai ngā hononga pono i te wā kāore koe i te tumanako. Whakawhirinaki ki te haerenga, kia mōhio hoki ka tae mai te hoa tika ki tō ao i te wā tika. Kaua e ngana ki te whakateretere i ngā mea, engari akohia te haere tahi me te ia. Whakamātauria te manawanui me te whakawhirinaki ki te wā o te ao - Whakapono ki te tangata tika e kimi ana i a koe. 

Hei whakamutunga, he haerenga whakarerekē te wetewete i te whai tonu i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha. Mā te whakamahi i ngā tohutohu mahi 20 kua whakaratohia i roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka taea e koe te mutu te hiahia nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga mā te huri i tō arotahi me te kimi i tō mana motuhake. 

Ki te hiahia tonu koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, arotahi tuatahi ki te aroha ki a koe anō, whiwhi i tētahi hinengaro hauora, me te mahi i ō whāinga whaiaro. Mā te tuku i ngā tumanakohanga pāpori me te awhi i te tipu whaiaro, ka taea e koe te whakakore i te hiahia nui mō tētahi whanaungatanga me te kitea he wairua harikoa i roto i tō ake ao. 

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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