15 Ngā Tohu Kāore Koe e Kitea te Aroha, Me Pēhea te wikitoria i aua Tohu

"He nui rawa te pēhanga ... mō te āhua o te hoa aroha. Me noho rātou hei hoa pai mōu, hei hoa aroha mōu, hei whanaunga tata mōu, hei hoa mahi mōu, hei mātua hoa, hei hoa hākinakina mōu. ... Ae, kāore e taea e te katoa te whakatutuki i tēnā," te kī a Jacqueline Olds, ahorangi Hinengaro i Te Whare Wānanga o Harvard. Ki te kite koe i tēnei whakaahuatanga o te rapunga o ēnei rā mō 'te tangata kotahi' e pā ana ki a koe, kāore koe i te hē ki te rapu i ngā tohu e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha. 

"He aha te take kāore au e kite i te aroha?" kua tino rongonui. Nā te maha o ngā āhuatanga i puta mai ai, mai i te tere o te whakaipoipo ki te ahurea hononga, ngā tumanakohanga koretake i hangaia e ngā pāpāho pāpori, me ngā tirohanga hoha ki te aroha. Me te tohunga hinengaro a Tākuta Rima Mukherji (MBBS, DPM, MRCPsych), te kaiwhakaū-kaiwhakahaere o Crystal Minds, me tūhuratia ēnei take kia hohonu ake, kia tirohia ngā tohu e kore pea koe e kite i te aroha, me te kimi huarahi hei wikitoria i ēnei arai. 

He aha kāore e kitea ai e au te aroha?

Ki te mea kei te tata koe ki te whakarērea te aroha, kia mahara, kāore koe i te mokemoke. Ki te haere tātou mā te ara. Takuta MukherjiE ai ki ngā tirohanga a te 's, ko te hunga e pāngia ana e te wehi kei kore rawa e kitea te aroha, he maha ngā wā ka whakangaro i a rātou anō i ngā whanaungatanga. He maha ngā take kei muri i tēnei e pā ana ki ngā take hinengaro hohonu. Kāore hoki te iwi i te mārama ki ngā whakautu ki: "He aha tāu e rapu ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?"Ka tirohia ētahi o aua tauira i roto i te toenga o te tuhinga. Engari tuatahi, me titiro tātou ki ētahi atu take pēnei:

• He mangere rawa koe ki te rapu i te aroha: Kāore koe e whakapau kaha ana ki te rapu i te 'mea kotahi'
• E tumanako ana koe kia tino tika tō hoa: He uaua rawa ō paerewa ki te whakatutuki
• Kei te titiro koe ki ngā wāhi hē: Kei te noho koe i tētahi tāone iti, ā, kei te toro atu koe ki ngā pae inu me ngā whare kawhe tawhito. Kei te noho rānei koe i tētahi tāone pukumahi engari kāore e haere ki ngā wāhi hou, engari e piri ana ki tō rohe. Kei te whakawhāiti rānei koe i a koe ki ngā pae whakaipoipo kāore e rite ki ō hiahia.
• Kāore e taea e koe te wareware ki tō hoa o mua: Kei te piri tonu koe ki tō hoa o mua, ā, kei te rapu koe i a ia i roto i te hunga katoa e tūtaki ana koe
• Kei te kaha rawa tāu whakapau kaha, ā, ka ngaro tō tuakiri: Ka ngaro tō tuakiri me tō whakaute i a koe anō i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakamanawareka i tō hoa pea, ā, ka mutu ka ngaro tō rātou hiahia

Te pānui e pā ana: He roa te wā e whanake ai te aroha

Ka kitea rānei te aroha e te katoa i te mutunga?

He Rangahau PEW ako kua kitea ko te kotahi i roto i te whā o ngā pakeke i te US ka noho takakau mō te oranga katoa. Ko tētahi atu ako me ngā kaiwhakautu mai i Kariki me Haina i whakaatu ko te haurua o te hunga i uru ki te rangahau i pāngia e ngā raruraru aroha, ā, i noho takakau mō ngā wā roa. Nō reira, ko te pātai tonu, ka kitea te aroha e te katoa i te mutunga, ka kitea rānei te aroha mau i kitea noa i roto i ngā kiriata romcom?

E mea ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Tērā pea kāore e kitea e te tangata te aroha aroha i ēnei rā. Nā te mea he nui rawa ngā tumanako a te nuinga o te hunga o tēnei whakatipuranga mai i ā rātou hoa, he pūmau hoki ō rātou āhua (pērā i te kore e pai ki te whakarerekē), he tauira rānei e kukume ana i ngā whanaungatanga kāore e roa. Me mārama ō whakautu ki te pātai "He aha tāu e rapu ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?", engari me whai whakaaro hoki koe ki ō tumanakohanga ina kitea e koe te tangata kotahi hei hoa."

15 Ngā Tohu Kāore Koe e Kitea te Aroha, Me Pēhea te wikitoria i aua Tohu

I mua i tā tātou haere ki ngā tohu e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha, me titiro tātou ki tētahi take i whakahaerehia e Tākuta Mukherji hei kaiwhakaora hinengaro. I haere mai tētahi o āna kiritaki, a Rita (i hurihia te ingoa hei tiaki i te tuakiri), he wahine mahi mātau, kei roto i ōna tau 30, ki a ia i te wā kāore ia i taea te whakaae kei te whakahē tonu ngā tāne i a ia. He mataku tonu tōna kei kore rawa e kitea te aroha.

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "I te āhua nei i tino hiahia a Rita ki te marena. He maha ngā whanaungatanga kua pā ki a ia, engari i te wā i tohu ai ia e hiahia ana ia ki te whakauru i ana hoa tāne ki ōna mātua, i huna ia e rātou, i tapahia rānei te hononga ki a ia me te atawhai. Kātahi ka huri ia hei tino tangata." hoa wahine piriponoKa ngaro hoki tana moe i te whakaaro mēnā kei te piri tahi rāua me ētahi atu wāhine.

"Whai muri i ngā tini mahi rapu aroha, nā te ngakaukore, i haere a Rita, he tangata i āwangawanga mō tōna taumaha me tōna āhua, ki te tango i te hinu me ngā tikanga whakapaipai maha hei whakakaha i tōna kiri, me te tumanako ka kitea 'te mea tika'. He maha hoki ōna wā ka pouri ia tae noa ki te whara i a ia anō."

"Whai muri i ētahi wā whakaora hinengaro māua, kua tīmata ia ki te whakaae ki te whakakorenga. Kāore, kāore anō ia kia kitea te aroha, engari kua iti ake tana hiahia inaianei, ā, kua ako ia kia kaua e aro ki te whakakorenga i roto i te aroha." He tauira pai te haerenga a Rita mō te āhua o te ārai a ō tātou ake āwangawanga, ngā matapae, me ngā tauira whanonga i ō tātou tupono ki te kimi i te aroha. Me te maumahara ki tēnā, me titiro tātou ki ngā tohu 15 e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha me ngā huarahi hei whakatau i aua tohu: 

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1. He nui rawa tō whakahē

Ki te mea he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro koe, "He aha te kore ai e kitea e au te aroha?", he mea pai pea kia arotakehia mēnā kei te pupuri koe i te tangata ki ngā paerewa tino teitei, ā, kei te uaua ki te urutau ki ngā ngoikoretanga o ētahi atu. E kī ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Kei te rapu te iwi i te tino pai i ngā āhuatanga katoa. Kāore e taea e rātou te whakaae ki ngā ngoikoretanga, ā, ka tere ki te tohu i a rātou he ngā haki whero o te whakaipoipo. " 

Hei tauira, i te rua marama te roa o te piripono a taku hoa a Natalie ki tētahi tāne. I tētahi rā ka whakawetohia e te tāne tana waea pūkoro, ā, ka mataku a Natalie mō tētahi mea he. I te mutunga o te rā, ka pōuri ia, ka tangi. Ka tukuna atu e ia ētahi karere reo ki a ia me te tangi, me te tono kia whakapā atu ia ki a ia ina tukuna atu. 

I te aonga ake ka waea atu tana hoa tāne, ka whakamārama mai kei te haereere ia, ā, kei roto i te rohe kore hononga. Heoi, ka tīmata a Natalie ki te whawhai nui ki a ia, ā, he tino pānga ki tō rāua whanaungatanga. Mēnā ka rerekē te taumata o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te taumata e tumanakohia ana, ka puta he tautohetohe. Nā te totohe me ngā whawhai tonu i wehe ai rāua. 

Aha ki te mahi i

Me titiro tātou ki ētahi huarahi hei tirotiro i tēnei āhuatanga:

• Kia pono: I mua i tō tīmatanga ki te kimi i te aroha, kia mārama koe he hapa anō tō te tangata kē atu.
• Whakaara ake i te mōhiotanga ki a koe anō: Kia mōhio hoki koe ki ō ngoikoretanga, ā, kia ako ki te whai i ngā tumanakohanga pono

2. He tangata tango koe

He maha ngā wā ka huri te tangata hei 'kaiwhiwhi' i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ka rapu i ngā 'kaitāko'. Ā, i te mutunga iho, ka noho ko ā rātou hoa rangatira te tuku nui rawa i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka ngaro i te hunga tango. Kāore e mutu te rārangi o ngā mea e rapua ana e rātou i roto i tētahi hoa. He Reddit kaiwhakamahi i tuhituhi, he rite tonu te āhua o taku hoa wahine i a ia e rapu ana i te aroha, "He tangata hoatu tonu taku hoa wahine mō ngā tau e toru. Kei te piko tonu ia, kei te mahi i ngā mea māku ahakoa taku tono, kāore rānei. I manaaki tonu ia i ahau ahakoa te tinana, te hinengaro, te pūtea rānei. Nō nā tata nei māua i kōrero ai, ā, i kitea e māua he tangata tango ahau, ā, he tangata hoatu ia."

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Kei te tīmata te puta o ngā raruraru, ā, me whai tohutohu ahau mō te whakahoki i a ia me te kore e tango nui. I tipu ake ahau i roto i te whānau "tangohia te mea ka taea e koe te tiki". Nō reira, he āhua nōku te tango, kaua e hoatu.

Aha ki te mahi i

Ki te whakaaro koe he "tangata tango" koe i te whanaungatanga, nganahia ēnei tohutohu hei whakataurite i ngā āhuatanga o roto i ō whanaungatanga:

• Kati te whai whakaaro whaiaro: I roto i ngā whanaungatanga, kāore pea te hoatu me te tango i te 50-50, engari me hoatu i ētahi wā kia taea ai e koe te whiwhi i ngā mea katoa e tukuna ana mai i tērā pito, me te kore e ahua kei te whakamahi koe i aua mea.
• Haere ki te rongoā: He tokomaha te hunga kāore i te mōhio ki ō rātou tūranga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Me pānui atu rātou mō te noho hei hoa pai, ā, me whiriwhiri i te rongoā hei whakatika i tēnei take.

3. He piripono koe

Pērā i a Rita i roto i te take i whakahuatia ake nei, tera pea ka piri rawa koe, ā, ka mutu ka panaia atu e koe tētahi hoa, tētahi hoa aroha rānei. E kī ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ki te mutu ka piri rawa koe, me te kore whakaute i ngā rohe o tō hoa, tera pea ka ngaro i a koe aua rohe i tētahi rā." Anei ētahi tauira o aua tohu e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha:

• Kei te waea atu tonu koe ki a rātou, kei te tuku karere kuputuhi, kei te tuku karere rānei ki a rātou i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori kia noho hono tonu ai koe i te roanga o te rā
• He nui rawa tō hiahia, ā, me tirotiro tonu rātou i a koe, me mahi i ngā mea hei whakamana i tō oranga.

Aha ki te mahi i

Ki te kore e taea e koe te mutu te hiahia ki te kōrero me te piripono ki tō hoa, ngana ki ēnei tohutohu:

• Kia mōhio koe kei a koe anake: Āraia te hiahia kia whakamanahia tonutia koe e tō hoa. Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea e tētahi atu te whakaoti i a koe, te whakapai ake rānei i tō rā, ā, kati te rapu i tā rātou aro.
• Aroha atu ki a rātou, ā, hoatu he wāhi ki a rātou: Kia mārama koe, ahakoa kāore tō hoa e waea mai ana ki a koe, ehara i te mea kei te tinihanga ia i a koe. Whakaaturia ētahi te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga ā, whakauru atu koe ki ā rātou whakaaturanga. Tērā pea he rā pukumahi rātou, ā, kāore i taea te waea atu ki a koe

4. He tino whakapae rawa koe

Ahakoa kua mutu te hononga o tana hoa rangatira, ka noho tonu a Rita i te āwangawanga mō te wāhi kei reira tana hoa rangatira. Kei te whakaaro kino anō hoki koe ki te tangata? Hei tauira, ki te hono atu koe ki tētahi i runga i tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo, ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro mō te tokomaha o ētahi atu e kōrero ana/e hono ana tēnei tangata ki a ia? Mēnā rānei ka tīmata koe ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi, kei te whakapae koe kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe me tētahi hoa mahi i ia wā e mahi pō ana rātou? Kua pakaru kē ō whanaungatanga i mua nā tō āhua whakapae? Āe, he tohu ēnei o tētahi te whanau paitini ka taea te pana atu i te tangata. 

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ko te aroturuki tonu i ngā nekehanga, te tirotiro haere, te tirotiro i ngā karere kuputuhi, me te whaiwhai i ngā pāpāho pāpori he tohu kei te tino whakapae koe. Ā, ko te pūtake o tēnei he koretake. Ko āu pātai mutunga kore me ō tono kia hurihia e rātou tō rātou wāhi ora, kia kōrerotia rānei e rātou ki a koe mō tā rātou mahi i te roanga o te rā, ka nui ake te kino i te pai."

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Aha ki te mahi i

Mā te tino whakapae ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro. Ngāna ki te whakatika i te raruraru mā te whai i ēnei mahi:

• Hanga whakawhirinaki: Ko te whakawhirinaki te pou o tētahi whanaungatanga. Kōrerohia ngā mea, ā, mahihia kia hanga whakawhirinaki.
• Whakamāramahia ngā mamae o mua: Tirohia to hononga o mua ngā mamae (ngā aituā tinihanga, me ētahi atu) e meinga ai koe kia pēnei te whanonga, kia mahi hoki i ō ake āwangawanga
• Kia kaha ki tāu mahi: Kia whai oranga koe, kia pukumahi hoki, kia kore ai he wā mō te whakapae koretake

5. Ka whakawehi koe, ka tukino rānei i a koe anō 

Koinei te tohu tino morearea rawa atu kāore koe e kite i te aroha. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ko te whakawehi, te whakawehi rānei ki te whara i a koe anō, ki te whakamomori rānei, he momo tinihanga nui rawa atu. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka mutu ka whakamataku koe i te tangata kē. Ko te ngana ki te whakama i a rātou mō te kore e whai i ō hiahia, kāore pea e angitu. Tērā pea ka haere tonu rātou mō tētahi wā i te wehi engari ka whakarērea koe i te mutunga. Kia mahara, kāore e taea te whakatutuki i te aroha mā te patu i te pū ki te upoko o te tangata."

Aha ki te mahi i

Mena kua ngana koe ki te whakatutuki i tāu e pai ai mā te whakawehi, te patu tangata rānei i tētahi atu tangata, me tirotiro koe i a koe anō mā te whakamātau i ēnei tohutohu:

• Kia mōhio koe ki tō hiahia kia whakamanahia: Kia mōhio koe kei a koe tētahi āwangawanga hōhonu e hua ai tēnei hiahia kia rapu whakamanaTērā pea tēnei e ārahi ana i a koe ki te tango i tēnei taahiraa tino nui o te whiwhi 'aroha' mā te matau, mā te tinihanga rānei
• Whakawhanakehia te aroha ki tō hoa: Kia mōhio koe kei te pēhia pea tō hoa rangatira kia noho tahi me koe. Ā, ko wai hoki e hiahia ana ki te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga nā te wehi, nā te akiaki rānei?
• Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea te akiaki i te aroha: E rua ngā mea hei mahi tango. Nō reira, e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha mēnā ka akiaki koe i tētahi kia noho tahi me koe me ngā tūmomo whakawehi.
• Tikina awhina: Te rapu āwhina ngaio mai i tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro rānei, kia mārama ai koe ki te pūtake mai o ēnei āhuatanga, me pēhea hoki te whakatau hauora i aua āhuatanga. 

6. Tērā pea kei te mataku koe i te whakapau kaha

Tērā pea kei te aukati tō wehi o roto i te here i a koe kia kaua e whiwhi aroha. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ki te kite koe kei te whakaipoipo tonu koe i ngā tāngata e wehi ana ki te here, he tohu pea tēnā kei te wehi koe ki te here, ā, kei te kukume koe i te momo tangata kotahi." 

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Aha ki te mahi i

Ki tō whakaaro he mataku koe ki te whakapau kaha? Āe, me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e koe te tirotiro i tēnā:

• Patai ki a koe ano nga patai: Whakaarohia mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga tūturu me te whakapau kaha. He nui te mahi e hiahiatia ana mō tētahi mea whai hua. Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kua rite koe ki te whakapau kaha.
• Kōwhiria te rongoā: Ki te mea kei te raru koe i te whakapau kaha, kaua e mangere ki te whiriwhiri i te rongoā takitahi.

7. He nui rawa tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō

Ko tētahi tohu nui e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha ko tō aro nui ki a koe anō. E whakahua ana a Tākuta Mukherji i ngā tauira e whai ake nei o te hunga e aro nui ana ki a rātou anō i a rātou e rapu ana i tētahi whanaungatanga, i a rātou rānei e noho ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga:

• Ko tō hiahia kia noho koe hei pokapū o te aro o te iwi i ngā huihuinga katoa e haere ana koe me tō hoa wahine
• He hiahia tonu tōu kia atawhaitia koe
• Kāore e taea e koe te aro atu ki ngā raruraru i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, me te tauhohe me te kore e tatari ki ngā whakamārama a tō hoa.
• Kei a koe te tika ki te tangi, ki te whakapataritari rānei i tō riri

Aha ki te mahi i

Ahakoa he pai te aroha ki a koe anō, ki te nui rawa te aro ki a koe anō, kāore he wāhi mō whanaungatanga hauora. Mēnā koinei te āhua, me whai koe i ēnei mahi:

• Kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea ko ngā hua anake o te whanaungatanga: Kia whiwhi koe i te aroha e hiahiatia ana e koe, kia taea ai hoki e koe te tuku aroha. Kia mārama ko te whanaungatanga me whai whakaaro motuhake ngā hoa e rua.
• Te uara me te aroha nui ki tō hoa aroha: Whakaaturia te aroha e hiahia ana koe kia whiwhi. Hoatu te aro me te manaaki ki te tangata kē, i te mea e hiahia ana te katoa kia whai uara i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.

8. Kei te arotahi koe ki ngā mea papaku 

Ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka ngaro te aroha mēnā ka whakaitihia e koe ngā mea nui, ā, ka arotahi ki ngā mea ngoikore pēnei i te āhua me ngā whakamarie o te ao. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "E kore te ataahua, te moni rānei anake e pupuri i tō hoa ki te kore koe e whai mea nui ake hei tuku. He mea nui anō hoki ko wai koe hei tangata me ō kare ā-roto." Hei tauira, ko tōna ataahua o waho anake te mea i arohia e Rita, ā, i wareware ia he tino kitea ōna āwangawanga me tōna hiahia nui ki te whiwhi hoa, ā, ka peia atu e rātou ōna hoa.

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Aha ki te mahi i

Engari i te arotahi ki ngā āhuatanga ngoikore, ka taea e koe te whakamātau i ēnei tohutohu:

• Mahi ki te whakatika i ō āwangawanga: Ki te arotahi katoa koe ki ngā mea papaku, he tohu tēnā kei te takoto kau te kore i roto i a koe. Kimihia taua kore, ā, whakatikahia, ki te kore, ka mutu noa iho koe ki roto whanaungatanga papapaku
• Kia pai ake tō noho ki a koe anō: Ahakoa he roa koe, he poto, he mangu, he kiri mā, he mātauranga teitei, he kore rānei, kia mahara, i roto i te aroha pono, he tuarua ēnei āhuatanga. Whakaaetia koe e koe anō.

9. Kāore koe e whai ana i te whanaketanga whaiaro

Hei tangata, me whanake tonu tātou, me ako hoki i ngā mea hou. Koinei te mea e pakeke ai tātou i roto i te huarahi e pā ana ki ngā raruraru i roto i ngā whanaungatanga me te ao. E kī ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ina kore koe e whanake hei tangata, e tumanako ana koe ki tētahi atu tangata hei whakatutuki i ō hiahia katoa. Tērā pea i ahu mai tēnei i tō tamarikitanga, i reira pea kotahi tō mātua e whakatutuki ana i ō hiahia katoa, ā, e aukati ana i tō tipu hei tangata takitahi." 

I ēnei āhuatanga, ka tipu ake koe me te whakawhirinaki ki ngā whanaungatanga aroha. Nō reira, ka mutu pea koe me tumanako ko tō hoa te tangata e whakatutuki ana i ō hiahia katoa, ā, kāore he mahi nui māu.

Aha ki te mahi i

Hei tipu me te whanake, me whakaaro koe ki tua atu i tō hoa. Ka taea e koe tēnei mā te whai i ēnei tohutohu:

• Waihangahia he porowhita pāpori hei āwhina i te tangata tetahi ki tetahi: Hono atu ki tētahi karapu, waihangahia rānei he porowhita hoa hei manaaki i te tangata, ā, hei manaaki anō hoki i a koe. Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te tipu me te whakaiti i tō whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa.
• Kimihia ētahi atu puna kaha i roto i ō mahi o ia rā: Hei tauira, ka taea e koe te whakawhanake hononga ki ō hoa mahi hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakawhanake i ngā pūkenga me te tipu hei tangata

10. He maha ō hoa mahi hei kōwhiringa tārua

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "He maha ngā hoa rangatira o te nuinga o te tangata i ēnei rā, ā, ka ārai tēnei i te kaha o te tangata ki te whakapau kaha ki tētahi whanaungatanga me te haumi ki roto. Kāore he whanaungatanga, kāore he tangata tino tika. Ina he maha ngā kōwhiringa kei a koe, ka takarohia e koe tō hinengaro, ā, i te tīmatanga o te raruraru, ka anga atu koe ki te tangata e whai ake nei i te rārangi, kaua e noho tonu me te ngana ki te whakatau i ngā mea." 

Te pānui e pā ana: Kei te takaro pōrearea koe, kāore i te mōhio? Me pēhea te mōhio?

He maha ngā hoa tāne o taku hoa mahi, a Melanie, ā, i ngā wā katoa ka tautohe rāua ko tana hoa tāne, ka tīmata ia ki te kōrero ki a rāua hei whakamarie i a ia anō, hei kimi hoki i ngā otinga. Nā tēnei i peia atu ai tana hoa tāne. Kāore au i miharo, nā te mea he whanonga tēnei. tohu o te tinihanga iti ā, ki te kore e tirohia wawetia, ka taea e ia te wawahi i tētahi whanaungatanga.

Aha ki te mahi i

Ehara i te mea pai te whai i te tini o ngā tāngata hei whakakapi, nā te mea ka raru noa iho ō kaupapa matua mō tō whanaungatanga. Whakamātauria ēnei tohutohu hei arotahi ki tō hoa rangatira, hei ārai hoki i a koe kei nui rawa te kōrero ki ētahi atu:

• Taria kia mātao tō hoa: Me hoatu e te tangata he wā me te wāhi e tika ana ki ō rātou hoa i muri i te pakanga, kaua e whakapuaki wawe atu ki tētahi atu.
• Akohia te waihanga i ētahi rohe: Pērā i ngā whanaungatanga, me waihanga he rohe i roto i ngā whakahoahoa. Ki te kore koe e wehewehe i tō hoa tāne/wahine me ētahi atu hoa, kaua e miharo mēnā ka kitea koe kāore he hoa rangatira i te wā ohorere.

11. He nui rawa tō mana whakahaere

Ko tētahi atu huarahi e taea ai e koe te pana atu i ō hoa rangatira ko te ngana ki te whakahaere i te oranga o te tangata i ngā āhuatanga katoa. E kī ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Nā te mea kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ka hoatu e koe te mana ki te whakahaere i te oranga o tō hoa."

He rite tēnei ki tētahi o aku hoa o mua, i piri tahi māua mō ngā tau e rua, ā, he tino kaha rawa tana whakahaere. Ehara i te mea ko tana tono kia wete i te nuinga o aku hoa tāne i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori anake, engari ka waea mai anō hoki ia ki ahau i ngā hāora rerekē ki te tirotiro ko wai kei a māua. Nā tēnei i tino whakararuraru ahau, ā, i te mutunga ka whakarērea ia e au.

Aha ki te mahi i

Anei ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei utu mō te hae me te whakahaere tō hoa pea, me te whai kōrero i ngā wā katoa:

• Kati te noho hei tangata whakahaere: Ina hiahia koe ki te whakahaere i ngā mahi a tō hoa, kati tonu i reira.
• Waihangahia ngā ture whanaungatanga e pā ana ki ngā mea e rua: Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakahaere i tō hoa, kia tino hoatu e koe te mana ki a rātou ki te whakahaere i a koe anō hoki. Pērā ai, ka mōhio koe ki te āhua o tō rātou whakamomori ina whakahaerea rātou e koe.

12. He tutu koe ina riri koe

Kāore e taea e te tutu te whakaoti rapanga, ā, ka whānui ake te āputa i waenganui i te tokorua. Whakaarohia te riri, te hamama, te papaki, me te pana i a koe i roto i tētahi tautohe iti. Ka taea e taua tutu te hanga raruraru hinengaro roa mō te tangata kei te taha. Ka hiahia koe ki te noho tahi me tētahi e pēnei ana te whanonga ki a koe? Kāo, tika? Ki te tutu koe i a koe e riri ana, tera pea he take e uaua ai koe ki te kimi aroha, ki te pupuri rānei i ngā whanaungatanga. Koinei te take te whakahaere riri he mea tino nui i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "He maha ngā āhua o te tutu, ā, kāore pea i te wā katoa e anga atu ana ki tō hoa. Hei tauira, ka taea e koe te whakaputa i tō riri ki te hunga e karapoti ana i a koe (tae atu ki ngā tāngata kāore koe i te mōhiotia, pērā i te kaimahi i te wharekai) ki a koe anō rānei (mā te whara i a koe anō). Tērā pea ka huri koe ki te pakaru i ngā mea me te hamama." I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, tera pea ka whakatau tō hoa ki te mutu, ā, ka tika ia ki te mahi pēnā, nā te mea ehara i te mea he kino noa iho taua tutu engari he whakama hoki.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakawhiti i tō riri me tō hae ki te hihiri

Aha ki te mahi i

Mena he maha ngā wā ka kitea koe e tauhohe tutu ana ina whakahē koe ki tētahi, ina riri rānei koe, ngana ki ēnei tohutohu:

• Tikina he rongoā: Mena he riri kore e taea te whakahaere, ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri ki te haere ki te rongoā hinengaro
• Kimihia ngā mea whakaoho: Ka taea e koe te ngana ki te kimi i ngā take e akiaki ana i a koe ki te tutu

13. He waranga āu

Tērā pea he arai ō waranga ki te kimi i te aroha. Whakaarohia kei te haere koe i tētahi rā, ā, kei te titiro tonu koe ki tō waea. Heoi anō, me tirotiro e koe te maha o ngā 'pai' kua riro i tō pou Instagram hou. Kua waranga koe ki ngā pāpāho pāpori, ā, kāore koe e whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa. I te mutunga ka whakaroa koe i a rātou. 

Me kī atu rānei, kua tūtaki koe ki tō hoa pea e haurangi ana i te tarukino. Kāore e taea e koe te titiro tonu. He tino whakaute kore tēnei, ā, tera pea ka pakaru ngā hononga aroha e tipu ake ana i roto i te tono. Ko ētahi atu waranga ka taea te whakangaro i tō oranga aroha ko:

• Te tarukino
• Te mate waipiro
• Te waranga pāpāho pāpori
• Te waranga petipeti

He whakaaro hē noa iho tēnei, arā, mā te kimi i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, e aroha ana hoki ki a koe, ka taea e koe te whakaora i a koe i ō waranga. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Ehara te aroha i te whakautu ki ngā waranga, ā, he mea kuware te whakaaro mā te aroha koe e whakaora i te waranga." 

Aha ki te mahi i

He tangata koe e pāngia ana e tētahi o ngā waranga kua whakahuatia ake nei? Āe, whakamātauria ēnei tohutohu hei whakahaere i a koe anō:

• Pātai atu ki a koe anō he aha tāu kaupapa matua: Whakatauhia. Mena he kōwhiringa i waenga i te piri ki ō waranga me te noho mokemoke ake tonu atu, ko tēhea te mea nui ake ki a koe? Ka kitea e koe te whakautu.
• Tikina awhina: Ehara i te mea he kino noa iho ngā waranga ki ō whanaungatanga, engari ka mutu ka whakangaro i tō oranga katoa. He mea nui kia rapu āwhina, mā te rongoā whakakore waranga, mā te rongoā rānei. whakaora waranga ngā papaaho pēnei i te Alcoholics Anonymous (me ōna putanga maha e wātea ana i ēnei rā, i runga i te waranga e raru ana koe) 

14. He tino koretake ōu tumanakohanga

Ko te raruraru o te nuinga o tātou i ēnei rā, he nui ngā tumanakohanga a tātou mai i ō tātou hoa mahi. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "Kāore he mutunga o ā tātou rārangi, ā, kei te rapu tonu tātou i ngā paerewa teitei e kore pea e tutuki i a tātou anō. Arā, ko te nuinga o tātou kua ngā tumanakohanga koretake i roto i ā tātou whanaungatanga"Ahakoa he pūkenga ngaio, he hiahia nui ki te ātaahua, he rongonui rānei i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, kei te whai tonu tātou ki te kimi i te hoa pai mō tātou anō. Ā, i ētahi wā, koinei te mea e kore ai tātou e kimi i te aroha." 

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Tuhi i te Rārangi i waenganui i te Aroha me te Tūmataitinga i roto i te Hononga

Hei tauira, ko tētahi o aku hoa, he kaiwhakatairanga haereere me te tata ki te 25,000 ngā kaiwhaiwhai, i rapu hoa he nui ake ngā kaiwhaiwhai i a ia kia taea ai e rāua te noho hei tokorua haereere i runga i te Instagram. E rua tau ki muri tēnā. Kei te takakau tonu ia i te 38 tau te pakeke nā te mea ahakoa ka kitea e ia he tāne he nui ake ngā kaiwhaiwhai i a ia, he maha ngā wā ka hinga rātou ina tae mai ki ana paearu kē atu, pērā i te pono, te āhua rānei. 

Aha ki te mahi i

Anei ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei utu mō te waihanga i ngā paerewa koretake mō tō hoa pea:

• Whakaitihia ō tumanakohanga: He pai te whai paerewa, engari he pai ake te whai paerewa tūturu
• Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea te ine i te aroha mā ngā paerewa: Kāore e taea te ine i te aroha mā te pauna. Kati te whakatau i te tangata mō ngā mea koretake, engari me aro ki te tangata.

15. Te poropititanga whai-whaiaro 

E mea ana a Tākuta Mukherji, "I ētahi wā, ko ō tātou ake whakapono kino anake te mea e whakakino ana i ngā mea mō tātou i roto i ngā whanaungatanga." Hei tauira, ko ō tātou pouri o mua i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka meinga pea tātou kia mahi kino. Tērā pea ka whakatata tātou ki ō tātou whanaungatanga me te koretake, ka tuku urupare mārire ki ō tātou hoa (me te whakaaro kāore pea e pai), ā, ka mutu te haere mai ki ngā wā whakaipoipo.

Tenei te pehea Tākuta Susan Albers e whakaahua ana i te āhuatanga: "Ina whakatakoto koe i ētahi tumanakohanga, ka taea e aua tumanakohanga te ārahi i a koe ki te kite i ētahi mea engari kāore e aro ki ētahi atu. Ka arotahi tō hinengaro ki ngā taipitopito e whakaū ana i tāu e tumanako ana."

Aha ki te mahi i

Ki te mea kei te hiahia koe ki te whakahaere i ō whakaaro kino, me te ārai i aua whakaaro kei whakangaro i ō tupono ki te whiwhi hoa rangatira, ngana ki ēnei tohutohu:

• Haere ki te rongoā: Engari i te totohu ki roto i te moana o ngā whakaaro kino, ngana ki te kimi i te pūtake o te raruraru, me te tāpiri i te wairua pai.
• Whakamātauria: Me whakapau kaha ngā whanaungatangaKōrero, ātaahua te āhua, ā, me mahi i ngā mea e tika ana kia angitu ai
• Whakatauhia ngā tautohe i te wā tonu: Kaua e moe noa i runga i ngā pakanga. Whakatauhia tonutia

Thoughts Final

Ko tā mātou tumanako, nā te tirotiro i ngā tohu e kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha, me ā rātou otinga, kua nui ake tō tumanako mō te kimi i te aroha. Ki te rapu koe i tētahi whanaungatanga, me mārama koe he ara rua te aroha, ā, kāore e taea e koe te tumanako ka kitea e koe mēnā kāore koe e whakapau kaha, e mahi ki ō ngoikoretanga. He aha tāu e rapu ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Whakaarohia tēnei i mua i te whakarērea o te aroha. Kia pono ngā tumanakohanga, haere atu, ka toa i te ao me tō āhua pai me te whakapai ake. Kia waimarie koe!

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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