He aha ngā Kōtiro Kāore e Pai ki ahau? Ngā Take me ngā Whakaoti

Mena kei te raru koe ki te whakaipoipo, ki te hanga hononga aroha, ki te pupuri rānei i tētahi whanaungatanga, he mea maori noa iho te whakaaro mehemea kei te peia koe e tetahi mea aroha. I te mea kua kapi koe i te ruarua, tera pea ka kitea e koe he nui te wā e whakaaroaro ana ki te pātai, "He aha te kore ai e pai mai ngā kōtiro ki ahau?" 

Āe, ki te mea kua pā tēnei ki a koe, he pai te whakaaroaro me te whakaaroaro anō. Heoi anō, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau i te whakaaro kua whakakahoretia koe. Mā te tautuhi mēnā kei te mahi koe i tētahi mea hei pana atu i ngā wāhine, ka āwhina pea koe ki te tīmata i tētahi haerenga o te tipu me te whakapai ake i a koe anō, ā, i te mutunga, ka mawhiti atu koe i tēnei huringa mamae o te mokemoke me te noho motuhake. Me titiro tātou ki ētahi take pea kāore ai ngā wāhine e aro ki a koe, me ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatika i te āhuatanga. 

9 Ngā Take Noa Kāore Ngā Kōtiro e Pai Ana Ki A Koe

He uaua te whakaipoipo e ai ki tōna āhua, ā, ka taea e tēnei piki me te heke o te kare ā-roto te huri hei mea nanakia ina te āhua nei kei te hoki anō koe ki taua wheako tonu—ngā wāhine e hiahia ana koe kia kaua e noho tahi me koe. Ka taea e ia te whakangaro i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, me te waiho i a koe kia whakaaro kāore koe i te pai, ā, ka taea e tēnei te whakanui ake i tō hiahia ki tētahi hononga aroha. 

Kia mahara, nā Howard Wolowitz i Ko te Big Bang Theory, i haere tonu ki te patu i tētahi wahine i hiahia ki te titiro tuarua ki a ia, ā, i haere tonu ki te patu. He tangata hiahia, he tangata matekiri, he tangata pōuri, he tangata whanoke, ko ia te tohu whero tino rongonui i ngā rā tōmua o te whakaaturanga—ā, he tino mokemoke hoki. Engari i tana tūtakitanga ki te wahine tika, ka huri ia i ana tikanga kia riro mai i a ia, ā, ka whai hononga angitu, pumau, ā, ka mutu ko te marena, ngā tamariki tokorua, me te haerenga ki te wāhi. He kōrero mō te tipu o te kiripuaki!    

Haunga te mea he nerd TBBT ahau, he aha tā tēnei pūrākau poto e kōrero ana ki a koe? Tērā pea ētahi mea e mahia ana e koe (e kore rānei e mahia ana e koe) ka whakapōrearea pea i ngā kōtiro e ngana ana koe ki te kukume i a rātou. Engari koinei te rongo pai: ko te tautuhi i ēnei tauira te taahiraa tuatahi ki te wawahi i a rātou. Me ruku tātou ki roto:

1. He nui rawa tō whakaaro whaiaro

E kōrero ana a Sarah, 23 tau te pakeke, mō tētahi wheako kino i te rā tuatahi, "I haere tahi māua ko tētahi tāne, ā, i kōrero tonu ia mō tana mahi whakakori tinana mō te 30 meneti tonu, ā, kāore i tukua kia kōrero ahau. Nā te tino hoha o ahau, i hoki whakamuri ahau me te kī he tino ngenge ahau." Kua pā mai tētahi mea rite ki a koe, i te wehenga atu o tō hoa i waenganui o te ara, ka waiho koe kia pātai anō, "He aha taku he ināianei? He aha te kore ai e pai mai ngā wāhine ki ahau?"

Āe, ki te mea ka noho tonu koe hei kōrero roa, kaua hei whai kia mōhio pai ake ai ki tō hoa, tera pea ka puta he whakaaro whaiaro koe. Ahakoa e mārama ana ahau ki tēnā ina mahi tahi koe me ngā āwangawanga o te rā tuatahi, he māmā noa iho te whakatau i tētahi kaupapa kōrero e pai ana ki a koe; e kore e taea e koe te kōrero tonu mō ō whakatutukitanga, ō hiahia, me ō whakaaro, me te kore e pātai atu ki tō hoa i tētahi pātai e hiahia ai ia ki te kōrero ki a koe. 

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Terri Orbuch, he tohunga hinengaro, he tohunga whanaungatanga hoki, "He mea nui te hiahia tahi ki te hanga hononga. Ina kotahi te tangata e whakahaere ana i te kōrero, kāore e rite ki te kōrero noa, engari ki te kōrero kotahi." I te wā e whai ake nei, kaua e kī pēnei i te, "Tukua ahau kia kōrero atu ki a koe te huarahi pai hei whakapai ake i tō mahi whakangungu," ngana ki te pātai, "He aha te waiata e whakaharikoa tonu ai koe?" 

2. He ahua whakakake tō āhua

He mea ātaahua te maia, engari kāore te whakapehapeha. Ki te whakapehapeha tonu koe, ki te whakaiti rānei i ētahi atu kia pai ake ai tō āhua, he tohu nui tēnā, ā, ka taea te whakaroa i tō hoa. E kī ana te kaiako whanaungatanga a Matthew Hussey, "Ko te maia tūturu ehara i te mea ko te whakapehapeha; engari ko te whakaatu kei te tino haumaru koe ki te whakaara ake i ētahi atu."

Hei tauira, mā te kī atu ki te wahine kei a kōrua "kāore anō kōrua kia tūtaki ki tētahi tangata whakamere pērā i a koe" ka puta tō whakaaro maia. Engari ki te whakaatu koe i te whakaaro kotahi pērā i te "He tino hoha te nuinga o ngā wāhine, he huringa hou koe," he tauira matarohia tēnei o te whakakorekore ka puta tō āhua whakakake. Mena kei te ngana koe ki te puta i te wā e pāngia ana koe e ngā wheako whakaipoipo kino, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ki te rerekētanga. 

3. Te koretake o te akuaku, te whakapaipai rānei

Ko te kore aro ki ngā tikanga akuaku me te whakapaipai taketake te take pea kāore ngā wāhine e pai ki a koe. Kāore he tangata e hiahia ana ki te noho tahi me tētahi e haunga ana me te mea kua toru ngā rā e kore e whakamahi deodorant, e puta mai ana rānei me te hāte kua miro me ngā tīrai nā te mea kei te ngana rātou ki te whakaatu i a rātou anō he pai. 

E ai ki te ako whakaputaina i roto i te Te Huringa Pori me te Taata Tangata he tohu te whakapaipai pai i te whakaute ki a koe anō me ētahi atu, he mea nui tēnei ki te kukume i a koe. Ahakoa te nui o tō hiahia, te nui rānei o tō angitu, e kore tō tuakiri anake e āwhina i a koe. Me aro koe ki ngā kaupapa matua—ngā whao ma, te manawa hou, he kakara pai, me te kākahu pai te whakatakotoranga.

4. Kāore ōu wawata, tōu aronga rānei

Nā te kore o te wawata, te kore rānei o te aronga, ehara i te mea ki te kore koe e noho hei Tumu Whakahaere Matua, e noho rānei koe i roto i te ahurea pukumahi, kāore e taea e koe te kimi hoa aroha māu. Heoi, ki te kore he whāinga mārama, he hihiri hoki, ka rite koe ki te mea kei te rere noa koe i roto i te ao. Mā te kore o te kaupapa ka kore koe e ātaahua, ahakoa ō whakatutukitanga. 

Hei te wā e whai ake nei ka whakaaro koe ki ngā kaupapa kōrero mō te rā tuatahi, kōrerohia ngā mea e ngākau nui ana koe, e anga whakamua ana rānei—tērā pea he akomanga e haere ana koe ki te whakapakari i ō pūkenga, he kaupapa rānei kei te mahi. Engari, kia hoki anō ki taku kōrero tuatahi, kia mahara ki te wā e mutu ai. Kaua e noho kopikopiko noa te kōrero mā te kōrero tonu mō ēnei mea hei whakaatu i tō hihiri me tō hihiri. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakararuraru i te piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga

5. He tino piripono koe, he hiahia nui rānei

Nāku i pātai mai, ko taku hoa, a Liam, he uaua rawa tana whakamātautau i te whakaipoipo, "Ka taea e koe te kōrero mai ki ahau he aha te mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki te tane"Nā te mea kua ngana tonu ahau, engari kāore ngā mea e ahu whakamua ana i tua atu i te wāhanga kōrero, i ētahi wā rānei. He teitei rawa te pae i whakatakotoria e ngā wāhine, nāku rānei?" I taku pātai atu he aha te take o tēnei, ka mea ia, "He kōtiro anō kei te huna i ahau," kātahi ka whakaatu mai i tā rāua whakawhitiwhiti karere kuputuhi. I tuku karere ia ki te kōtiro kua kōrero ia ki a ia, "Mōrena, e te ataahua," ā, i muri iho i te haora, "Kei te aro mai koe ki ahau?" I aukati tonu ia i a ia.

He rite tonu te āhua ki a koe? Ka mutu, ka tuku karere takirua koe, ka nui ake rānei te kino, ka whakakiia tana pouakaroto ki te maha o ngā karere mena kāore ia e whakautu mai ki tētahi karere? Kei te rapu tonu koe i te whakamanawa e pai ana ia ki a koe? Āe, ko tēnei hiahia ka karanga i te koretake, ā, koinei pea te take e kore ai ngā kōtiro e pai ki a koe. E kī ana te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Tākuta Andrea Bonior, "Ka tupu pai ngā whanaungatanga hauora ina taurite te whanaungatanga tata me te takitahi. Mā te piri rawa ka whakararu i taua taurite." Nō reira, hoatu he wāhi ki a ia kia ngaro i a ia koe. E whakaatu ana tēnei kei te haumaru koe i roto i tō kiri, ā, e mōhio ana koe ki tō uara. 

6. Kāore koe e whakaute i ngā rohe

Ko tētahi atu take pea mō tō kore angitu i te whakaipoipo ko te kore aro ki ngā rohe. Ahakoa he takahi i te mana o te wahine waahi whaiarote nui rawa o te kōrero i ngā mea i te wā wawe rawa, te akiaki rānei i a ia ki ngā whakatau kāore anō ia kia rite, ko te whiti i ngā rohe he huarahi tino pono hei whakangaro i tōna hiahia.

Hei tauira, ki te mea te wahine e piri tahi ana koe kāore anō ia kia rite ki te tūtaki ki ō hoa, whakautehia. Mā te akiaki i a ia ki te "whakaatu he pono tana mahi," ka hoki noa mai te hua, ka whakarērea koe e ia, ka noho pōuri koe, ka whakaaro, "He aha te kore ai ngā kōtiro e pai ki ahau?"

7. Kāore i a koe te mōhiotanga kare ā-roto

Te mohio o te ngakau—te mārama me te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto—he wāhanga matua o ngā whanaungatanga piripono. Ki te raru koe i tēnei taha, tera pea ka mutu ka whakakorekore koe, ka whakakorekore rānei i ngā kare ā-roto o te wahine, ka meinga ia kia hoki whakamuri, ka waiho koe kia whakaaro, "He aha ngā kōtiro kāore e kōrero mai ki ahau?"

Hei tauira, ki te kōrero mai tētahi wahine e piri tahi ana koe, e kōrero ana rānei ki a koe mō tōna mataku i mua i tētahi whakaaturanga nui i te mahi, ā, ka whakaititia e koe tōna āhua, ka mea atu, "Kāore he aha," tera pea ka mamae ia, ka kore e whai mana. E kore ia e pai ki te whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro ki a koe, ā, ka tīmata pea ia ki te hoki whakamuri. Ka taea e tēnei te whakararu i te hononga ahakoa kāore anō kia tino whakapumautia. 

8. Kāore koe e whai whakaaro nui

Nā te kore o te whakaaro nui ki te kawe i tētahi hononga aroha ki mua, te kore rānei e whakatau me pēhea te hono atu ki tētahi hoa aroha, ka puta tō āhua kāore he hiahia, he mangere rānei, ā, kāore hoki he tangata pērā. te āhua ataahua o te tāne"Ko te whai i te kaupapa matua e whakaatu ana i te maia me te hiahia ki te haumi ki te whanaungatanga," te kī a te kaiako whakaipoipo a Maria Avgitidis. Nō reira, i te wā e whai ake nei ina whakamahere ana koe i tētahi rā, kaua e kī, "Kāore au i te mōhio, he aha tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi?", ngana, "Me pēhea te tina i taua wharekai Itari hou i te 7? He pai te tangi?"

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Mea Tino Whakarihariha o Ngā Wahine e Tekau

9. He tino kino rawa tō whakaaro

Āe, e mārama ana ahau. Ka pōrearea te ao. Kei te piki haere te manawanui kore. He aorangi kua mate. Ngā pakanga. Ngā pakanga. Āue! Mā te amuamu rānei e whakatika te katoa o ēnā mea? Engari ko te whakaaro pōuri, ko te arotahi rānei ki te hē o ngā mea katoa, he pono, ka mimiti i te kaha o te rūma, ā, ka waiho tō hoa e whakamahere ana i tana rautaki putanga. Ko te whakaaro pai, i tētahi atu taha, he mate urutā.

He aha e kore ai e whakaaro ki te tūmanako ka kitea te aroha me te hoa i roto i tēnei ao kī tonu i ngā mahi kino, i ngā hoa o mua kino, me te rangi kino hei hihi o te tumanako, ā, ka poipoia ki te iti o te whakaaro pai ka taea e koe te kohi? Kāore rānei e whakakorengia e tō tirohanga kino ki ngā mea katoa i waenganui i te whenua me te rā?

7 Ngā Tohutohu Māmā Hei Whakaoho i te Aroha o Ngā Kōtiro ki a Koe

Ko tāku tumanako, i tēnei wā, kua kitea e koe te whakautu ki tō pātai, "He aha te take kāore ai ngā wāhine e pai ki ahau?" Ko te mahi e whai ake nei ko te āwhina i a koe ki te rapu i te otinga. me pehea e pai ai te kotiro ki a koe. Ina kua mau koe i roto i te porowhita mutunga kore o ngā nganatanga kore angitu ki te hono atu ki te aroha, ka rite pea tēnei ki te wetewete i tētahi pukapuka ngaro. Heoi, ehara i te mea uaua rawa. Ko te mea nui ko te pono, te whakaute, me te māia ki tō kiri. Tukua ahau kia whakangawari ake māu me ēnei tohutohu e whitu hei akiaki i ngā wāhine kia pai mai ki a koe:

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Tohu 18 o te Tāne Māia e Rapua ana e ngā Wahine

1. Kia māia, kaua e whakakake

He mea ātaahua te māia ki a koe anō, nā te mea e whakaata ana i te māia ki a koe anō, ā, e whakaatu ana kei te pai koe ki a koe anō, engari ko te whakapehapeha i ahu mai i te koretake me te hiahia kia kaha rawa te whakamīharo. Ki te hiahia koe kia pai ai ngā wāhine ki a koe, me mahi koe ki te whakatipu i te mea tuatahi.  

"E kukume ana ngā wāhine ki ngā tāne e whakaatu ana i te maia nā te mea he tohu tēnei i te kaha me te pumau o te kare ā-roto," te kī a Hussey. Inaianei, ehara te maia i te kī kei a koe ngā whakautu katoa. Engari ko te whakaae ki a koe anō. Mā te ataata māmā, te tū tika, te kōrero whakahihiri, me te titiro kanohi pumau ka puta he maia ki a koe. Ki te kore koe e whakapau i tō wā katoa ki te pupuhi i tō pū, ki te mansplaining, he tino reka tēnā. 

2. Whakarongo mai, kia noho mai hoki

Ki te hiahia koe ki te ako me pēhea te hono atu ki ngā wāhine, kia matatau koe ki te toi o te whakarongo kaha. Ka maioha ngā wāhine ina whakarongo pono koe, kaua e tatari noa mō tō wā ki te kōrero. E whakanui ana te tohunga hinengaro rongonui a Tākuta John Gottman, "Kia aro nui ki te whakarongo." te hanga i te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro me te whakawhirinaki.”

Ā, me pēhea te mahi i tēnā? Mā te aro nui ki te wahine ina kōrero ana ia ki a koe, me te aro pono ki tāna e kōrero ana. Hei tauira, ki te kōrero ia mō tōna rā, kaua e whakaroa, kaua hoki e noho puku. Pōkaikaha te mahunga, pātai atu i ētahi atu pātai, me te whakamana i ōna kare ā-roto.

3. Kia whai wairua whakakatakata

Ki te hiahia koe ki te hanga hononga pono ki tētahi wahine, meinga ia kia kataE whakamārama ana a Esther Perel, he tohunga whanaungatanga, "Ka hangaia e te whakakatakata te wairua takaro, ā, ka āwhina i te whakakore i ngā wā whakamā." Nō reira, ko te kata te taputapu tino kaha ina ngana ana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te kukume i ngā wāhine. Ehara i te mea me whakaputa kupu whakakatakata me ngā katakata i ngā wā katoa. Ehara koe i te kaiwhakakatakata tū-ake e mahi ana mā te hunga mātakitaki.

Tukua kia tiaho mai tō wairua auaha, kaua e wehi ki te kata ki a koe anō. E kōrero ana a Mike, 26 tau te pakeke, mō tana hurihanga i tētahi āhuatanga whakamā i te wā tuatahi i te rā tuatahi me tētahi kōtiro i tino pai ki a ia, "I mataku ahau mō te rā nā te mea i tino pai ahau ki a ia, ā, i mutu ake ka maringi te kawhe ki taku hāte. Engari i te kore e pōrearea, ka kata noa ahau, ka mea, "Āe, koinā te tae o taku tinana." I kata ahau, ka kata ia, ka pakaru te wairua, ā, ka kōrero tonu māua mō ngā haora e whā i muri i tērā." 

Te pānui e pā ana: Kia pēhea te auau o taku tuku karere kuputuhi ki a ia kia mau tonu ai tōna hiahia?

4. Kia tino aro atu ki tō hoa rā 

Ki te hiahia koe ki te karo i te āhua "kāore ia e pai ki a koe", kia piri ki a ia. Kia tino hiahia koe ki te mōhio ki a ia. Pātai atu mō ōna hiahia, moemoeā, me ōna whakaaro. E whakaatu ana koe ki a ia e whakanui ana koe i a ia hei tangata, kaua ko tōna āhua anake. Hei tauira, kaua e pātai noa i ngā pātai whānui pēnei i te, "He aha tāu mahi?", pātai atu i tētahi mea motuhake pēnei i te, "He aha te wāhanga pai rawa atu o tō mahi?" Mā tēnei ka huaki te kuaha mō ngā kōrero hohonu akeI tana whakamārama i te hiranga o tēnei, e kī ana a Tākuta Orbuch, "Ko te hiahia me te mātakitaki mō tētahi atu he momo whakamana. Ka whakaatu i tō manaakitanga," 

5. Whakahonoretia nga rohe

E kī ana a Ethan, he kaihoahoa whakairoiro, "I taku rā tuarua me taku hoa wahine o nāianei, i whakaaro ahau ka hiahia ia ki te tohatoha kai reka, ā, ka hopukina e au tētahi pūnu, ka ngana ki te kai. Engari i kī mai ia kāore ia i te pai ki te tohatoha kai. I whakapāha nui ahau, ā, i tono atu ahau i tētahi kai hou māna." E rua tau ki muri, kei te noho tahi tonu rāua, ā, e whakaaro ana te hoa wahine o Ethan ko tana hiahia ki te whakarongo me te whakarerekē tetahi o ana mahi pai rawa atu. ngā āhuatanga e whakapakari ana i te rwhakawhanaungatanga.

Ināianei kua whakaarohia he aha te mea ka tupu mēnā i wareware a Ethan ki tōna mamae he mea noa iho, he mea koretake rānei, ā, ka haere tonu ki te kai i te kai reka. Kua mutu kē tā rāua kōrero whakaipoipo. He tauira noa iho tēnei e whakaatu ana he mea kore e taea te whiriwhiri i te whakaute. Ahakoa he rohe ā-tinana, ā-hinengaro, ā-kōrero rānei, mā te whakaatu i tō whakaute ki tōna wāhi me āna whakatau ka whiwhi ia i tōna whakawhirinaki.

6. Te arotahi ki te tipu whaiaro

Kaua e whakaaro me pēhea te kukume i tētahi wahine ki te taha tinana, te amuamu rānei mō te kore e taea te whakaipoipo angitu, engari me aro anō ki a koe anō. Kimihia tōu ngākau nui, ahakoa ki ōu hiahia, ki tō mahi, ki tō whakapakari tinana, ki ētahi atu whāinga rānei o te ao, ā, whakatapua koe ki tēnā. Ehara tēnei i te kī me whakaroa tōu oranga whakaipoipo. 

Ae, haere tahi me te tangata, whakaipoipo, tūtaki ki ngā wāhine hou, kōrero, tuku karere kuputuhi. Engari ina arotahi koe ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō i roto i tētahi mea e ngākau nui ana koe, ka rerekē anō hoki tō wheako whakaipoipo. Ka kite koe kāore koe e ngana nui ki te whakamiharo i ngā wāhine ka haere tahi kōrua, heoi anō, te āhua nei kua nui atu tō rātou hiahia ki a koe. 

7. Kia atawhai me te whakaute ki nga tangata katoa

Ko te āhua o tō manaaki i ētahi atu e whakaatu ana i tō tuakiri. Ka kite ngā wāhine i te āhua o tō taunekeneke ki ngā kaimahi, ki ngā tāngata tauhou, tae atu ki ngā kararehe. Mā ngā mahi iti pēnei i te pupuri i te tatau, te kī "ngā mihi," te whakaatu rānei i te manawanui, ka waiho he whakaaro pumau. Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi māmā ki te kukume i ngā kōtiro kia pai ki a koe ko te noho hei tangata aroha me te atawhai, e whakaute ana i te katoa, ahakoa ko wai rātou, ahakoa he aha tā rātou mahi. He mea e paingia ana e te katoa te atawhai me te whakaute. 

Thoughts Final

Kāore he tangata tino tika, ā, kāore he aha! Ko te mōhio kei reira ētahi āhuatanga o tō tuakiri e pana atu ana i ngā wāhine, koinei te taahiraa tuatahi ki te hanga hononga kaha ake. Hei whakamutunga, ko te pono, te whakaute, me te māia te huarahi pai rawa atu hei whakaatu i tētahi kotiro he tāne pai koe. Nō reira, me mahi tonu i ngā mahi e tika ana hei wehe atu i ngā whakaaro o ngā kēmu hinengaro me te tinihanga me ngā tauira whanonga kino, ā, ako ki te whakaatu i a koe anō hei tangata pono, kāore he take e kore ai e taea e koe te wikitoria i tēnei arai i roto i tō oranga whakaipoipo. 

Tohutohu Whakawhanaungatanga mō ngā Tāne – 23 Tohutohu Ngaio nā te Tohunga

Ngā Tikanga Whakaipoipo—25 Ngā Ture Hei Whakarite i a Koe mō te Angitū

Ngā Hapa Whakaipoipo Tino Pai a ngā Tāne, me ngā Tohutohu hei Ārai i ēnā!

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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