21 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Tāne Whakahaere

He maha ngā āhuatanga ka pā kino ki a koe mēnā kei te taha koe o tētahi e ngana tonu ana ki te whakahaere i ō whakatau o te ao. Kāore tēnei whanonga a tō hoa e kitea tonutia, e kitea rānei i tō aroaro. Ko ngā tohu whakatūpato o tētahi tāne whakahaere he mea huna. Ehara i te mea ko tana tikanga whakahaere he whakaeke, he tukino tinana rānei. He whakahaere kare ā-roto pea e takaihia ana ki te āwhina o te teka, te whakamārama hau, te puremu, tae noa ki te whakahaere pūtea/te puremu. 

He nui ngā taputapu a ngā tāne whakahaere hei whakahaere i a koe, hei whiwhi mana nui hoki i roto i te whanaungatanga. I hiahia mātou ki te mōhio atu mō ēnei momo tāne, koia mātou i whakapā atu ai ki a rātou. Ridhi Korekāha (MA Psychology), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō ngā marena kore aroha, ngā wehenga, me ētahi atu raruraru whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Ina hiahia tetahi ki te whakahaere i tetahi i runga i te āta whakaaro me te kore āta whakaaro, he maha ngā wā nā te mea kua whakahaerehia rātou i roto i ō rātou oranga katoa."

"Mēnā he whanonga whakahaere tō tāne, he tika te kī i pāngia ia e taua whanonga i tētahi wā o tōna ao. Hei tauira, tera pea he mātua tuku iho ōna i whakakapi i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tōna ao. Kua riro mai i tō tāne tēnei āhuatanga paitini. Ehara i te mea he whanonga kino noa iho tēnei, engari ka mamae anō hoki te hunga e ngana ana ia ki te whakahaere."

21 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Tāne Whakahaere 

Ko ētahi o ngā hoa rangatira e mahi ana i runga i ō rātou mamae, i ō rātou āwangawanga, i te wehi o te tautohetohe, me te koretake o te kare ā-roto. Ahakoa te take o tā rātou whanonga rangatira, he pai ake te maumahara ki ngā tohu i raro nei nā te mea kāore koe e mōhio ana āhea ka huri te whanaungatanga hei mea kino. 

1. Kāore ia e tuku i a koe kia noho tahi me ō hoa

Ridhi e mea ana, "Ka tīmata pōuriuri te whanonga whakahaere." He tāne whakahaere ka pau tō wā katoa, ā, he iti noa iho, he kore rānei he wā e toe ana mōu ki te tūtaki ki ō hoa. Ka kī tonu atu te hoa rangatira ki a koe kāore ia e pai ki te wā e noho tahi ana koe me ō hoa, ka kī rānei ia he pai engari ka riri ia i te rā katoa. Ka āta hanga riri ia, ka tīmata whawhai ki a koe i mua tonu i tō haerenga atu.”

Anei ētahi tohutohu hei tautuhi mēnā kei te kaha te mana o tō tāne:

• Ka mea atu ia ki a koe kia "ngahau" engari ka tuku karere tonu atu ki a koe kia mōhio ai koe he aha tāu e mahi ana
• Ka tīmata ia ki te whawhai ki a koe i mua i tō haerenga atu, i muri rānei i tō hokinga mai 
• Ka hiahia ia ki te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa i puta i te pāti, ko wai i tae mai, me ngā mea i kōrerohia e koutou katoa. 
• Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama mō te "whakarērea" i a ia, me te tūtaki ki ō hoa.

2. Ka wehea koe e te tāne whakahaere 

Ka whakahē tuatahi ia i a koe e tūtaki ana ki ō hoa, kātahi ka riri ina hiahia koe ki te tūtaki ki ō mema o te whānau. Ka kī ia he maha rawa ō tūtakitanga ki tō whānau, he maha rānei ō kōrero ki tō tuahine i runga waea. Ka tae pea ia ki te kī kāore ia e pai ki tētahi o ō hoa me ō mema o te whānau, ka tito rānei i ngā āhuatanga e whakaaro ana ia kāore ia i te whakautehia e rātou. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi e ngana ana tētahi hoa rangatira ki te wehe i a koe i ō hoa.

Kaua e tukua he hoa whakahaere kia tahuri ke atu i a koe ki te hunga e whakawhirinaki ana koe hei tautoko. He mea tēnei hei aukati i a koe kei whiwhi i tētahi pūnaha tautoko. He mea mahi tēnei me te whakaaro mānumanu kia kore ai koe e whai pukupuku. Ina hinga koe, kāore he tangata hei hiki ake i a koe engari ko tāu tāne whakahaere anake.

3. Māna e whakahaere ō kākahu

Ko te kaupapa matua o te whakahaere i tētahi he tango i ōna mana taketake, pērā i te whai whakaaro, i te whai kōwhiringa rānei. Waihoki, ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te tāne whakahaere ko tana kī atu ki a koe he aha te mea hei kakahu me te nui o te meke hei pani. He mahi mohio tēnei, ā, he mea huna hei manaaki pono me te tohutohu. Ko tētahi o ngā mahi huna. ngā tohu kei te rangatira ia i a koe.

He Reddit kaiwhakamahi i whakapuaki i tā rāua kōrero mō te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa rangatira, ā, i mea, "... i pai ia ki ahau, kāore i te nui te meikitanga, inā koa kāore i te whakamahi i te eyeliner me te nui o te atarangi kanohi. Kāore au i te mārama he aha ia i tono mai ai i tēnei mea i ahau ina kōrero ia i mua i ahau e kōrero ana mō tōna hiahia ki ētahi wāhine, ā, he nui hoki ā rātou meikitanga. Ki taku whakaaro i ngana ia ki te aukati i ahau kei kukume i te aro o ngā tāne." 

Te pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Whakatoi Hinengaro

4. Ka hanga e ia he ngangau ina kore koe e whakautu wawe 

Ki te mea kei tawhiti tō hoa rangatira, ā, ka puta he ngangau ina kore koe e whakautu wawe ki ana karere, ki ana waea rānei, he tohu tēnei nō te tāne whakapehapeha e pai ana ki te whakahaere i te whanaungatanga. Ka meinga koe e ia kia rite ki tana rangatira mā te riri, mā te āwangawanga rānei ina kore koe e whakautu wawe ki ana karere. Kāore pea koe i te mārama ki tēnei engari koinei tētahi o ngā mea e pā ana ki tēnei. ngā tohu kei te mahi tahi koe me tētahi hoa hauora kore.

I tuhituhi a Georgia, he wahine kua whakarerea tata nei nō California, ki a Bonobology, "I tuku karere ahau ki a ia i ia rā i taku wehenga atu i te kāinga ki te mahi. I whakaaro ahau he tohu reka tēnei hei whakarite kia tae haumaru ahau ki taku tari. Ina titiro whakamuri, ko te mea noa iho tēnei hei whakaū i te wā ka tae atu ahau ki te mahi, kia kore ai ahau e haere ki tētahi atu wāhi, pērā i te haere tahi me ōku hoa, te moepuku rānei." 

5. Ngā tohu o te tāne whakahaere – He whakahē tonu ia i a koe 

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ina roa te whakahē, ā, he maha tonu te puta i roto i te whanaungatanga, he tohu tēnei mō te tukino. Ka whakahē tō tāne i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. Mai i te āhua o tō kōrero ki ō pūkenga whakatau, ka whakahēngia ngā mea katoa hei whakahaere i te whanaungatanga. Ka āta whakaiti ia i a koe kia pai ake ai tōna wairua."

Anei ētahi tohu e whakahe ana tō hoa ki a koe:

• Ka tīmata tonu tana whawhai ki a koe mō te kore e mahi i tetahi mea tika
• Kāore i a ia te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga ā, kāore e mārama ki ngā mea mai i tō tirohanga
• He
• Ka riri ia ina kore koe e hiahia ki te mahi i ngā mea e hiahia ana ia ki te mahi 
• He mea tonu mō ōna hiahia me ōna wawata
• E kore ia e whakawhirinaki ki a koe mō ngā mahi māmā rawa 
• Ka kī ia i ngā mea pēnei i te "Kāore koe i te mātau ki te mārama ki tēnei" me te "He kuware rawa koe ki te whakawhirinaki nui ki ō hoa" 

6. Ko te whakawehi i a koe he wāhanga o tana whanonga whakahaere

Ehara i te mea ko te tuku kupu whakamutunga anake kia mutu te marena i konei te whakawehi. Ka whakawehi te tāne whakahaere ki te whara i a ia anō mēnā kāore ngā mea e rite ana ki āna hiahia. Ka whakawehi anō hoki ia i a koe mā te kī ka tapahia e ia ngā mana katoa kua tukuna e ia ki a koe. Ko ētahi ēnei ngā momo whakahaere kare ā-roto e whakamahia ana e ia hei whiwhi i te mana nui i roto i te whanaungatanga. 

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ko te take he maha ngā wāhine kāore e whakarērea ana ēnei momo marena, he wehi kei uru ā rātou hoa ki ngā whanonga whakangaro i a rātou anō. E wehi ana hoki rātou kei noho mokemoke, kei ngaro hoki tō rātou kāinga me te tautoko pūtea." 

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7. Kāore ia e tuku i a koe ki te whakahaere i ngā pūtea

Ina whakahaeretia, ina tirotirohia hoki e tō tāne ngā pene katoa e pau ana i a koe, he tukino moni tēnā. Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama mō te whakapau moni nui rawa atu, ā, ka riro i a ia te mana whakahaere katoa o ngā pūtea ahakoa nōu te moni i whiwhi uaua ai koe. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu whakamataku o te tāne e kaha ana ki te whakahaere.

Ko nga rarangi i raro ake nei ko etahi o nga ngā tohu kei te tukino tō tāne i a koe i te taha pūtea:

• Ka tono ia i ngā rīhiti mō ia mea ka hokona e koe
• Ka tīmata ia ki te tautohetohe ki a koe ina kore koe e kōrero ki a ia i mua i te whakapau moni
• Tērā pea ka takahi ia i te ture pūtea. Ko ētahi tauira: ka tahae pea ia i a koe, ka huna e ia ana nama, ka teka rānei ia mō te whakamahi i tō moni 
• Ka hoatu e ia he "tāpui" ki a koe 
• Ka huna e ia ana whakapaunga i a koe

8. He whakawhitiwhitinga tana huarahi whakaatu aroha 

Ko te aroha he mea mutunga kore. Heoi, mō te tāne whakahaere, ka aroha ia ki a koe ina mahi koe i tetahi mea e pai ai ia, e koa ai hoki ia. Me whiwhi koe i tana aroha mā te whakatutuki i ana tumanakohanga. 

Anei ētahi o ngā mea ka kōrerotia e te hoa whakahaere hei whakaatu i tana tikanga, āna tikanga rānei aroha tauhokohoko: 

• "Ki te kore koe e taka kai, e kore ahau e kawe i a koe ki waho i tēnei mutunga wiki."
• "E aroha ana ahau ki a koe ina kore koe e kōrero whakahoki ina riri ahau."
• "Me haere tahi māua ko aku hoa. Ka taea e koe te whakakore i ō mahere, ka noho ki te kāinga me ngā tamariki. Māku e tiki tō aihikirīmi tino pai māu i te hokinga mai." 

9. Kāore he tohu o te whakaae tahi

E kī ana a Jenna, he wahine kāinga 40-tau te pakeke nō Mississippi, "E tumanako ana taku tāne kia whakaae ahau i ngā wā katoa. He mana whakahaere, he manaaki rānei ia, nā te mea i ngā wā katoa me haere ahau ki te whakatau i tōku whaea, ka riri ia, ka amuamu mō te tiaki i ngā tamariki ko ia anake? E mea ana ia kāore ngā tamariki e whakarongo ana ki a ia. Ka porangi ia ina rapu utu ahau, ka kī atu ki a ia kei te tiaki tonu ahau i ā māua tamariki i a ia e mahi ana." 

Ko te whakaae tahi i roto i te marena tētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui e tautoko ana i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka taea e koe whakawhanake i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora mā te āwhina o ngā whakaaetanga ngātahi anake. Ina mutu te whakarerekētanga o tētahi tangata, he patunga tapu tēnā. Mā te tāne whakahaere koe e whakaae kia whakaae ki te mahi, ki ngā mahi o te whare, tae atu ki tō hauora hinengaro. 

10. Ko te whakatau i ngā whakatau katoa māu tētahi o ngā tohu o tētahi tāne whakahaere 

Ehara i te aroha ina kore ō whakaaro e whakaarohia, ā, ka haere tonu ia ki te mahi i tāna e whakaaro ana he tika mō kōrua. He akiaki tēnei. Ko kōrua te kaiwhakatau mō tō kōrua oranga, ā, me whai kawenga ōrite ngā hoa rangatira e rua i roto i te marena ki te whakatau i ngā whakataunga. Ki te kotahi anake te hoa rangatira e tango ana i te urungi, ā, kāore e tukua kia pā atu koe ki a ia, he whanonga whakahaere tēnei.

Anei ētahi tohu ngaro e whakatau ana tō hoa i ngā whakatau katoa māu:

• Ka tono ia, kāore e pātai he aha tāu e hiahia ana ki te kai 
• Ka whakarite ia i ngā kai o te pō, me te kore e tirotiro i tō wā e wātea ana 
• Ka whakahaere tonu ia i ngā kiriata e mātakihia ana e koe me ngā momo kākahu e mau ana koe. 

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11. E takaro ana ia i te kēmu whakapae 

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te tāne rangatira ko tōna kore e taea te whakaae ki te kawenga mō āna mahi. Kāore ia e whakaae ki āna mahi hē, ā, ka mutu ka whakapae ia i a koe mō ngā mea katoa. Ka whakapae anō hoki ia i a koe mō te mea i meinga ai ia kia tauhohe i tētahi ara. Ina tūtaki koe ki a ia mō tētahi mea, ka huri ia i te āhua o te āhua ki a koe, ā, ka meinga kia rite ki tōu he katoa."

Ina kore te tangata e whakaae ki ōna ngoikoretanga, ā, ka mutu ko te tākaro whakapae, he tohu nui tēnā. Kāore rātou i te pakeke, ā, kāore e taea te whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga i te huarahi tika. Anei ētahi o ngā kupu ka kōrerohia e te hoa kāore e taea te whakaae ki āna mahi hē i a rātou e mahi ana i te mea te whakawhiti whakapae i roto i te whanaungatanga:

• "Nāu ahau i whakaroa ki taku hui. Me i whakahāo kē koe i ōku kākahu, kua nui te wā kua penapenahia e au."
• "Kāore au i te whakapono kei te whakaarahia mai e koe tēnei take i a tāua e harikoa ana. Kāore koe e aro ki a māua, āe?"
• "I kōrero kino ahau nāu i meinga ahau kia pēnei te tauhohe. He aha koe i tīmata ai i te pakanga? Ki te kore e taea e koe te aro atu, kaua e amuamu mōna."

12. Kei a ia te mana whakahaere i te āhua o tā kōrua whakaahua i a kōrua hei tokorua 

Ehara i te mea ko tana whakahaere anake i muri i ngā tatau kua kati, engari ka whakahaere anō hoki ia i a kōrua ina noho kōrua i roto i te wāhi tūmatanui. Ki te hiahia ia kia puta kōrua hei tokorua harikoa, aroha, ka awhi ia i a kōrua, ka kihi i a kōrua ina noho mai te tangata. Ki te kore ia e hiahia ana, ā, e hiahia ana kia noho tawhiti, ka whakarite ia kia kaua kōrua e whai wāhi ki tētahi momo pakanga tinana.hononga kare ā-roto kāore rawa. Kei a ia te tikanga mō tētahi o ngā huarahi.

Ko ētahi atu mea ka taea e ia te whakahaere ko:

• Māna e kī atu ki a koe te nui o te inu 
• Māna koe e kī ko wai hei hoa mōu, ā, ko wai hoki hei wareware māu ina noho tahi ia me koe.
• I ngā wā tino kino, kāore ia e tuku i a koe kia haere tahi me ia ki ngā pāti
• I tētahi pāti, ka tono pea ia kia menemene/kata koe kia nui ake, kia iti iho rānei, i runga i tōna wairua

13. Ka aroha ia ki te pōma i a koe 

Tuhinga o mua ngā tikanga poma aroha ngā:

• Ka hokona e ia ngā taonga whakahirahira
• Kāore ia e mutu te mihi ki a koe
• Ka whakatenatena ia i a koe ko koe te tangata pai rawa atu kua noho tahi me ia 
• Ka riri ia ina hiahia koe ki te whai wāhi motuhake, ki te wā mokemoke rānei 
• He hiahia nui ia, he piripono hoki

Ko te whakamomori aroha tētahi o ngā tikanga tinihanga a te tangata whakahaere hei mea i te hoa rangatira kia mōhio kei te nama ia ki a rātou mā roto i ā rātou mahi. Me kī, i hokona mai e tō tāne tētahi koha utu nui māu. Heoi, kāore ia e mea kia whakaaro koe he koha tēnei. Ka whakamahara tonu ia i a koe ki tēnei mahi kia whakaaro ai koe kei te nama koe ki a ia. 

14. He raruraru whakawhirinaki kei te tāne whakahaere 

E mea ana a Ridhi, "He rangatira ia, he manaaki rānei? Ko te mea tuatahi tonu tēnei ina hiahia te tāne rangatira ki te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe, nā te mea e whakaaro ana ia he tika tana ki te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki tō ao." Ka tūtei ia, ka tirotiro haere, ka uru atu ki roto i ō mahi. Ka tirohia tonutia e ia tō waea pūkoro kia kite ai mēnā kei te tinihanga koe.

Ina kitea ia e whāwhā ana, e tirotiro ana rānei i tō waea, ka mea ia penei, "He aha koe i riri ai mēnā kāore koe e mahi he ana?", "Te āhua nei kei te riri koe i taku tirotiro i tō waea. Kei te mahi koe i tētahi mea kāore i tika kia mahia e koe?"

Te pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu e Whakahē Ana Ia I A Koe, Kāore Hoi E Tika Ana I A Koe

15. Kāore ia e whakapono ki ngā rohe hauora 

He mea nui ngā rohe hauora mō te oranga hinengaro o te tangata. Kāore he aha te whakatakoto rohe me te mahi i ngā mea ko koe anake me te kore e whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa, me te kore hoki e mahi tahi i ngā mea katoa. Tērā pea ētahi mea ka pai ki a koe engari kāore tō hoa e pai ki a ia, ā, he mea noa tēnā.

Anei ētahi tohu kāore tō hoa e pai ki ēnei momo mea rohe hauora ā, e kino ana ki te whakaaro o te wāhi whaiaro:

• Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama mō te noho mokemoke
• Me tautuhi anō e koe ngā rohe kia rite ki ana hiahia me ana hiahia.
• Ka whakapae ia i a koe mō te hiahia whaiaro, me te kore e aroha ki a ia kia noho tahi ai koe me ia i ngā wā katoa.
• Ka meinga koe e ia kia rite ki te tangata kino mō te whai wā kounga ko koe anake 
• Ka pēhia koe e ia kia whakarērea tō tūmataitinga me ō rohe
• Ka tono ia i tētahi mea ki a koe (te whanaungatanga piripono, te moe tāne, te manaaki, te haere ki waho ki te kai, me ētahi atu) hei utu i ia wā ka whakaū koe i tētahi rohe — ka tīmata te utu o ō rohe ki a koe

16. He hae ia 

He ātaahua ngā mahi hae iti nei ina aroha koe. Heoi, he mea kino te hae tonu o tō hoa rangatira ki te hunga e noho tahi ana koe, ki te tipu rānei o tō mahi. Ina kaha, ina pukuriri hoki tōna hae, he tohu tēnei o tētahi tāne whakahaere. Kāore he pānga o tēnei ki a koe engari ko tōna āhua koretake. 

Tuhinga o mua ngā tohu o te hae i roto i te whanaungatanga ngā:

• Ka pātai ia i tō whanaungatanga ki ētahi atu tāngata
• E kore ia e kite i tō āhua atawhai he tikanga pai, ā, ka whakapae ia i a koe he whakaipoipo, he ārahi rānei i tētahi.
• Ka whakapae ia i a koe mō te kore whakapono 
• Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakamārama mai mēnā i haere tahi kōrua ko tētahi tangata kāore ia i te mōhio, kāore rānei e whakaae ki a ia. 
• Ka whakahē ia i ō whakatutukitanga ngaio, kāore rānei ia e whai wāhi atu ki ō whakanuinga

17. Ka ngana ia ki te whakakore i ō kare ā-roto

Ko te whakamana tetahi o ngā āhuatanga tino nui o ngā taunekeneke aroha. Kāore koe e hiahia kia whakaae ki tō hoa. Me noho noa koe ki reira, me whakarongo, kaua e whakararuraru, e whakahē rānei. He whakaaturanga whakaae tēnei, me te tuku i te māia ki tētahi kei a rātou te tika ki te whakaaro i tā rātou e hiahia ana. 

I tētahi atu taha, ina whakakorekorehia ō kare ā-roto e tō tāne i ngā āhuatanga katoa, e ngana ana ia ki te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto. Ka whakakorekorehia e ia ō kare ā-roto me ō whakaaro. Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakaaro he kuware, he kore e whakaaetia, he iti noa iho, he hē hoki ō kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka pāngia koe e tēnei whakakorekoretanga kare ā-roto. 

18. Kāore koe e rongohia ana, e rangona ana rānei

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ina rongo koe kei te kitea, kei te rangona hoki koe i roto i te marena, ka puta he whakaaro mō te haumaru aronganui"E rongo ana koe kei reira ia hei tautoko i a koe ina whakarongo ia ki ō raruraru me ō pōuri katoa. Heoi, ina aro nui tō hoa ki a ia anō, ka noho puku ia ina whakapuaki koe i ō whakaaro me ō hiahia hohonu. E mea ana ia e mārama ana ia ki a koe engari kāore āna kupu e hangai ki āna mahi." 

Kāore e ranea te wāhi hei whakaatu i ō whakaaro. Ā, ina whiwhi koe i te wā ki te whakapuaki i ōu whakaaro, ka rite koe ki te kore e rangona. Ki te kore tō hoa e ngana ki te mārama ki tāu e kōrero nei, he tohu tēnā o te tāne whakahaere.

19. Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama  

Ina whakamahia te hara hei patu ki tētahi, ka pā kino ki tōna hauora hinengaro. Ka whakamahia tonutia e te tāne whakahaere te hara hei whakahaere i tana hoa rangatira. Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama mō ngā hapa katoa e pā ana ki a koe, ehara i te mea ko tō oranga anake, engari ko te whanaungatanga me tōna oranga anō hoki. He momo tukino te whakama Ā, anei ētahi mea ka kōrerotia e te hoa whakahaere kia whakama ai koe:

• "I tomuri ahau ki te mahi nā te mea i tomuri koe i te oho ake."
• "I wareware ahau ki te hoko kai nā te mea kāore koe i whakamahara mai ki ahau kia hoko."
• "Kāore koe i horoi anō i te kākahu. Nāu ahau i kakahuria anō ai."

20. Ka meinga koe e ia kia whakaaro kāore koe e tika ana mō tōna aroha 

I roto i tēnei marena, ko ia te kīngi, ā, ko koe tana pononga. Me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakahari i a ia kia whiwhi ai koe i tana aroha me tana aro. Mā te mea tonu ka meinga koe kia whakaaro kāore koe e tika ana māna, kei te ngana ia ki te waihanga i tētahi āhuatanga e hiahia ana koe kia kaha ake te mahi kia whiwhi ai koe i tana whakaae. Kia whiwhi rā anō koe i tana whakaae, ka aroha ia ki a koe. 

Ko ētahi o ngā tohu e whakaaro ana ia kāore koe e tika ana mō tōna aroha:

• Ka meinga koe e ia kia iti ake te ataahua, ā, ka kiia koe kāore e tika ana hei wahine māna
• Ka mirimiri ia i ana whakatutukitanga ngaio ki tō kanohi, ā, ka meinga koe kia pouri mō ō ngoikoretanga.
• Ka whakarite ia i a koe ki āna hoa o mua 

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Tūkino Kōrero i roto i ngā Hononga: Ngā Tohu, Ngā Pānga me Me Pēhea te Whakatau

21. Ka whakahaere anō hoki ia i ngā mahi o te rūma moe 

Mai i te wā e moe ai kōrua tae noa ki te āhua o te moe tahi, ka whakahaere ia i ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Ina whakakahore koe ki te moe tahi, ina kī rānei koe kua tino ngenge koe, ka meinga koe e ia kia whakama mō tēnei mea. Nō reira, ka mutu, ka whai koe moe aroha hei tautoko i a ia, hei karo rānei i ngā tautohe me ngā whawhai. 

Hei tā Ridhi anō, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te tāne whakahaere ko tōna riri mō te whakakorenga ā-ira tangata. Ka meinga koe e ia kia pouri mō te pupuri i tō rohe ā-ira tangata. Ka wehe atu ia i a koe i ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka mutu ka takahi koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i a ia. Ka mutu pea tēnei ki te teka, te tinihanga, tae noa ki te tinihanga mai i tētahi, i ngā hoa tokorua rānei." 

He aha ngā pānga o te whai tāne whakahaere nui ki a koe?

Ina whakahaeretia koe e te hoa i roto i ō kare ā-roto, kāore e roa ka huri te whanaungatanga hei tutu. Ko ētahi o ngā tohu e huri ana tō whanaungatanga hei tukino ko:

• Ka wehea koe e ia i ō hoa aroha
• Ka tirohia e ia tō waea, ka tirotirohia ko wai ka tūtaki koe, ko wai hoki ka kōrero atu koe ki a ia
• He ka pahū te riri, ka hamama ki a koe kahore he take
• Ka whiua e ia ngā mea ki a koe
• Ko ia te kaiwhakahaere o ō pūtea
• Ka tukino ia i a koe mā te kōrero, ka whakaiti i tō kare ā-roto, kua tukino tinana/ira tangata rānei i a koe i te iti rawa i te kotahi 

Kāore he take ki te kī, he tino kino, he tino morearea rānei ēnei āhuatanga mōu. Ka tāpiri atu a Ridhi, "Ka taea e te whai hoa rangatira te pā ki a koe i roto i ngā huarahi maha. Tuatahi, ka ngaro i a koe te mana motuhake o te noho ko koe anō."

Ko ētahi atu mea ka puta ina marena koe ki tētahi tangata whakahaere:

• Ka mutu tāu pupuri i tō ake tuakiri 
• Ka whakawhanakehia e koe he whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki-tahi, he mea tino kino ki te hauora
• Ka mutu tāu aro ki ō kare ā-roto, e wehi ana kei whakahēngia koe e tō tāne, kei pouri hoki koe
• Ka whakapūpūtia e koe ngā mea kia pahū rā anō koe i tētahi rā
• Kae koe kei te mauheretia koe i roto i tō marena ka meinga koe kia iti. Ka meinga koe kia rite ki te mea kei roto koe i te whare herehere
• Kua pakaru tō hauora hinengaro me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, ā, e kore e taea e koe te whakaaro tika 
• Ka mutu tō whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō me ō kare ā-roto
• Kei te manukanuka tonu koe, kei te tū tonu tō tinana i te aratau tio, whawhai, rere rānei
• Mā te kore taurite o te mana ka tuku koe i a koe anō, ā, kāore he wāhi kōrero i roto i tōu ao.

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne whakahaere nui 

Mena kua kite koe i ētahi tohu o te tāne whakahaere, he pai ake te whakatika i tēnei raruraru i te wā e taea ai. Ki te roa te wā, ka nui ake te mauherehere me te tōia i a koe i roto i te paru. Anei ētahi huarahi hei whakatau i ngā tāne whakahaere:

• Noho marino: Ina mōhio koe kei a koe tētahi hoa whakahaere, tera pea ka riri koe ki a ia mō tana ngana ki te whakahaere i a koe. Noho marino, ka pātai atu he aha te mea e whakararuraru ana i a ia. Ki te whakapae ia i a koe mō ngā mea katoa, kaua e whakautu i taua wā tonu.
• Tauhohe ina koa ia: Taria te wā tika hei kōrero mō tēnei kaupapa. Pātai atu ki a ia te take o tōna āhua whakahaere. Nā te mamae o tōna tamarikitanga, nā te kore rānei o tōna māia? Me kōrero tika, āta haere.
• Rapua he awhina ngaio: Mena kua puta he raruraru nui i roto i tō koiora nā tēnei tukino, he pai ake te rapu awhina ngaio. I Bonobology, ka tukuna e mātou he awhina ngaio mā roto i ā mātou rōpū kaitohutohu raihana ko wai ka taea te āwhina i a koe me tō tāne whakahaere i te ara ki te whakaora

• Tangohia te mana whakahaere: I ngaro tō mana whakahaere i mua. Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki te hē, hoki atu ki te nohoanga o mua ka tangohia te mana mamao o tō oranga mai i ōna ringa. Ki te pouri tonu ia mō tēnei mea, ki te ngana rānei ki te whakama i a koe, kaua e tukua ki tana whanonga tamariki. Kia kaha, kaua hoki e taka ki roto i ana mahi tinihanga.
• Tuhia ngā rohe: Āe, whakatūria he rohe ahakoa te pānga o tēnei ki tāu tāne. Kia pai tō wā mokemoke me tō tūmataitinga. Kōrero atu ki a ia kāore ia e whakaaetia kia tirotiro i tō waea. Me ako ia me pēhea te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hoa me te kore e hiahia kia whakamatau tonu koe i a koe anō
• Kia mau tonu tō pūnaha tautoko: Kaua e tukua ia kia wehe i a koe. Kāore e taea e koe te noho tahi me tō tāne anake i tēnei ao. Me whai koe i ō mātua, i ō tuākana, i ō teina, me ō hoa kia ora ai koe i te oranga hauora. Tūtaki ki te hunga e whakawhirinaki ana koe, e whakamana ana i a koe i ngā wā katoa, ā, whakapuaki atu i ō raruraru ki a rātou.

Ki te whakaaro koe kāore e taea te whakarerekē i a ia, ki te kore rānei e pai te whakahaere i ngā mea, he pai ake te whakamutu i tā kōrua marena. Kāore he mea hei whakamana i tana tutu kare ā-roto, tana puremu, tana whakamāoritanga rānei. Ko tō hauora hinengaro te mea nui rawa atu māu. Puta atu i te whanaungatanga mā te tū atu ki a koe anō. E tika ana kia noho herekore koe ahakoa te āhua o tō whanaungatanga. 

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.