He aha te Aroha e Pōma ana? 18 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato me ngā Huarahi hei Whakamātau i tēnei

Ko te tīmatanga o tētahi hononga aroha he pūrerehua kei roto i te puku, he kanohi whero, me te ngangau o ngā kare ā-roto e taea ai te mea he tino pai ngā mea katoa. Ina ringihia e tō hiahia aroha he aro mutunga kore ki a koe, ka hoatu ki a koe he koha nui, ā, kāore e mutu te kōrero mō tō tino pai, ka taea e taua kare ā-roto te maka i a koe ki te kapua iwa. Kua tino riro koe, kua tino arohaina, ā, kāore koe e mutu ki te whakaaro ko tēnei ngaru nui o te aroha e horomia ana koe he mahi tinihanga, he mahi tinihanga o te pahūtanga aroha.  

Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro ko tēnei tangata tō hoa aroha kotahi. Heoi, ina kitea e koe kua pōmahia tō aroha, ka pakaru tō ngākau, ka whati tō ngākau, nā te mea i taua wā, kua hohonu rawa tō wairua, ā, tera pea ka uaua ki te wawahi i te here kua hangaia e koe. Ko te tumanako ki te whakahoki mai i ngā rā pai o mua i te wā e huri ana te ao katoa o tō hoa ki a koe ka mau tonu koe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tukino. 

Ko te mea pōuri, ko te whakawhirinaki ki aua rā he rite ki te whai i tētahi moemoeā. Ko te huarahi anake hei tiaki i a koe ko te ako me pēhea te tautuhi me te whakatau i ngā mahi tinihanga a te kaipahū aroha. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka tūhuratia e mātou te hinengaro o te kaipahū aroha, ngā tohu, me ngā huarahi hei whakaora i a ia, me ngā tirohanga mai i te tohunga hinengaro a Juhi Pandey (MA Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakaipoipo, ki mua i te marena, me te tohutohu mo te wehenga, hei āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā tohu kino me te tiaki i a koe anō.

He aha te Pōma Aroha? 

Ko te whakapōrearea aroha he momo whakahaere kaha e pehia ai koe e te tangata ki te aroha nui, ki te aro, me ngā mahi whakahirahira hei hanga i te whakawhirinakitanga kare ā-roto. He maha ngā wā ka tīmata mā te whakaaro pai engari ka huri hei whakahaere, ka tangohia e te tangata aroha tō aroha kia mau tonu ai tō rapunga i tā rātou whakaae. He rautaki tēnei e whakamahia whānuitia ana e te hunga whakahihi me te hunga whakahaere kare ā-roto hei whiwhi mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.

Ka taea te kī ko te whakamomori aroha he taputapu whakatikatika, he taputapu tukino rānei e whakamahia ana e te tangata hei whiwhi, hei pupuri, hei whakamana i te mana whakahaere i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ka taea e te tangata katoa te uru atu ki te whakamomori aroha, ko tēnei rautaki tinihanga te patu whiriwhiri a te tangata whakahihi hei whakatū i te mana whakahaere i roto i te whanaungatanga. I kitea i roto i te rangahau tuatahi ki te tirotiro i te whakamomori aroha he hononga i waenga i te hunga whakahihi me te hunga whakamomori aroha. E kiia ana ko te whakamomori aroha he rautaki arorau, ā, he mea tika pea mō ngā whanaungatanga aroha i waenga i te hunga he nui te whakamomori me te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō.

Ko te whakamāramatanga o te "aroha nui" e ahu mai ana i te nui rawa o te aro me ngā mihi hei huna i te tangata e whiwhi ana i te aroha. Koia te mea nui kia pātaihia te kare ā-roto "tino pai rawa atu kia pono" e puta ana i a koe ina nui rawa te whakamoemiti a tetahi ki a koe, e hiahia ana ki te whakapau i tōna wā katoa ki a koe, e hoko ana i ngā koha utu nui māu, ā, e hanga ana i a koe hei pokapū o tōna ao i roto i ngā rā, i ngā wiki rānei i muri i te tūtakitanga ki a koe. 

E mea ana a Juhi, "Kāore he he o te tuku i tō aroha ki tētahi. He mea maori noa iho te hiahia ki te noho tahi me tētahi e arohaina ana e koe. Heoi, ki te mea ko te whāinga anake o ēnei mahi he mea kia whakama te hoa, kia whakawhirinaki ki ngā kare ā-roto, kia nama hoki, he tukino noa iho."

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Kēmu Hinengaro i roto i ngā Hononga — Te Āhua me te Take e Mahi Ai te Tangata

Te hinengaro i muri i te poma aroha

Nā te mea kua pā tātou ki te tikanga o te "love bombing", me tahuri tātou ki te take e tino whai hua ai tēnei tikanga tinihanga, me te take he uaua ki te nuinga o te tangata te kite i tōna āhua tūturu. Nā te mea ko te hinengaro "love bombing" e aro ana ki te hiki i te tangata i mua i te turaki i a ia ki raro. 

He tino whakamīharo te aroha, ngā nekehanga whakahirahira, me te aro tonu, ā, he ngāwari te mau ki te whakapohehe. Kia tupu tēnā, kua rite te atamira mō te whakahaere me te whakahaere. Mā te titiro tata atu ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te hinengaro aroha e mārama ai te take e tino whai hua ai: 

• Te tere o te dopamineKa mau tō roro ki te kaha o te aroha nui, he rite tonu ki te waranga. E ai ki tētahi rangahau i te tau 2017 i whakaputaina i roto i Tuhinga o mua, ka tiaho te pūnaha utu o te roro i roto i te aroha me te waranga, ka uaua ki te kite i te whawhe aroha
• Whakakaha ā-wāI muri i te waipuke tuatahi o te aroha, ka tīmata te kaipahua ki te tango i te aroha i roto i te āhua ohorere. E whakamārama ana a Juhi, "Ka noho tonu te patunga i roto i te huringa o te hiahia kia whakaaetia, ka ngawari ake te whakahaere."
• Te horo tuakiriMā te aro nui ki a koe, ka ārai te tangata aroha i te mana motuhake. I roto i te wā, ka tīmata pea koe ki te whakatairanga i ō rātou hiahia i ōu ake hiahia, ka ngaro te tirohanga ki ngā rohe whaiaro. He rangahau i te tau 2016 i roto i Te Pouaka Tangata-a-Iwi me te Hinengaro i kitea ko te nui rawa o te whakamoemiti me te whakamana ka arahi ki te whakaiti i te māramatanga o te ariā whaiaro
• Te tauritenga manaKo te whakamomori aroha ka arahi pea ki te nama kare ā-roto—e whakaaro ana koe me whakahoki atu, ā, ka māmā ake te whakahaere me te whakama i a koe i muri mai. E kī ana a Juhi, "Ehara i te mea mō te aroha. Engari mō te whakarite i a koe kia hiahia ki a rātou."

Mā te mārama ki ēnei rautaki hinengaro ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite wawe i te kaha o te aroha, me te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora. Ka hanga te aroha pono i roto i te wā; kāore e puta mai i roto i te ngaru tai nui hei kukume i a koe ki raro.

He aha te pai o ētahi ki te pupuhi i ētahi atu?

He pai ki ētahi te patu i ētahi atu hei huarahi ki te whakahaere i a rātou anō, ki te whakanui ake i tō rātou ake mana, ki te huna rānei i ngā āwangawanga hōhonu. Ahakoa te āhua nei he aroha noa iho i te tirohanga tuatahi, he maha ngā wā he uaua ake ngā hihiri kei raro iho, ā, i ētahi wā, he tinihanga. Kei roto i ēnei ko:

• Ngā aue whakahihiKo te hunga whai āhua whaiaro whakahihi ka whakamahi i te aroha hei hanga i te whakamoemiti me te whakawhirinaki. E hiahia ana rātou ki te whakamana me te mana whakahaere, ā, mā te mea ka whakaaro motuhake koe, ka whakarite rātou i tō pono. E ai ki tētahi rangahau i te tau 2018 i roto i Te Pukapuka o ngā Mate Tūmomo Āhuatanga, he maha ngā wā ka whakamahia e te hunga whakapehapeha te whakapatipati me te aro nui hei taputapu hei whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga
• Te wehi ki te whakarereaHe pai ki ētahi tāngata te poma nā te mea he kaha tō rātou te wehi ki te noho mokemokeE whakapono ana rātou mā te whakanui i te aroha ki tō rātou hoa ka mau ai tō rātou tūranga i roto i ō rātou ao. E kī ana a Juhi, "Ki ētahi, ko te whakamomori aroha he tikanga ārai ngaro i te whakakorenga."
• Te whanonga akoMena i tipu ake tetahi i roto i te taiao e tino nui ana te aroha—te katoa, te kore rānei—tērā pea ka tāruatia e rātou tēnei tauira i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pakeke. He rangahau i te tau 2020 i roto i Āpitihanga & Whanaketanga Tangata i kitea ko te hunga whai momo piri āwangawanga he nui ake te tūponotanga ki te uru atu ki te pōma aroha nā te wehi kei ngaro ngā hononga.
• Te whakahaere me te whakahaereI ngā wā kino ake, he rautaki āta whakaarohia te whakawhanaungatanga kare ā-roto o te tangata e te aroha. Juhi, "Ko te mea kia tino motuhake te tangata kē atu, kia kore ai e aro ki ngā tohu kino." Kia whiwhi whakawhirinakitanga, ka tīmata pea te tangata whakawhanaungatanga aroha ki te whakahaere, me te tango i te aroha kia mau tonu ai te rapu whakaaetanga i roto i tana hoa.

Ehara i te mea he kino ngā whakaaro o te hunga katoa e atawhai ana i tā rātou hoa, engari ki te rite te aroha ki te awhiowhio, he mea nui kia hoki whakamuri tātou, kia arotakehia ai mēnā he pai, he pai hoki te whanaungatanga.

Pānui e pā ana: Te Hononga Whara: He aha te iwi e noho tonu ai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tukino

Ngā wāhanga poma aroha

Ka puta te pōrearea aroha i ngā wāhanga maha. Ahakoa he rite ki te pakiwaitara i te tīmatanga, ka mutu ka arahi ki te raruraru hinengaro. Anei te whanaketanga o ngā wāhanga pōrearea aroha:

1. Te Whakaaroaro: Te wā honi i runga i ngā steroids

I te wā o te marena , ka tino miharo koe ki te aroha nui rawa atu. Ka nui ngā mihi, ka tuku karere tonu, ka hoko koha utu nui, ā, ka tere rawa te whakapuaki i te aroha. He āhua makutu te āhua, engari he tohu kino te kaha. E kī ana a Juhi, "Ka hangaia e ngā aroha he wawata, ka whakapono koe kua kitea e koe tō hoa rangatira i te pō kotahi."

2. Te whakawhirinakitanga: Te matau kare ā-roto

Kia mau tō aro ki a rātou, ka tīmata mārire te tangata e aroha ana ki te hanga i a ia anō hei pokapū o tō ao. Tērā pea ka akiaki wawe rātou i te whakapau kaha, ka wehe atu i a koe i ō hoa, ka meinga rānei koe kia whakaaro kāore he tangata e mārama ana ki a koe pērā i a rātou. I kitea i roto i tētahi rangahau i te tau 2017 i roto i te The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, ko te tere o te piki haere o te whanaungatanga ka arahi ki te herenga kare ā-roto, ka uaua ake te kite i te tinihanga.

3. Te whakahekenga uara: Ka huri te pana

I muri i te hanga i a koe, ka turakina koe e te kaipahū aroha mā te neke atu - ka noho tawhiti, ka whakahē, ka noho pukuriri rānei . Tērā pea ka tangohia ohoreretia e rātou te aroha, ka whakapae i a koe mō ngā mea iti, ka meinga rānei koe kia whakaaro kāore koe i te rawaka. E whakamārama ana a Juhi, "Ko tēnei wāhanga ka pupuri tonu i a koe kia hiahia rātou ki tā rātou whakaae, ka kaha ake ai tō mahi ki te whakahoki mai i tā rātou aroha."

Pānui e pā ana: Te Pōma Aroha a te Tangata Whakahē: Te Huringa Tūkino, Ngā Tauira me te Aratohu Taipitopito

4. Mana Whakahaere: Te piki me te heke o ngā kare ā-roto

I tēnei wā, kua whakahāngaihia koe e te tangata aroha ki te rapu i tā rātou whakamana. Ka taupatupatu rātou i waenga i te mahana me te makariri, ka noho pōrearea ō kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe anō kei te whakatika i ā rātou whanonga, kei te whakapāha mō ngā mea kāore i mahia e koe, kei te manukanuka rānei kei ngaro tō rātou aroha.

5. Maka atu, whakahoro rānei: Ko te whiu whakamutunga

Ka whakarērea e ētahi o ngā kaipōrearea aroha tā rātou hoa ina mōhio rātou kei raro i te mana o tā rātou hoa, ko ētahi ka uru ki te " whakapāho " - te mimiti i a koe me ngā whakapāha nui, ngā kupu whakaari ki te huri, te whai anō rānei i tētahi atu huringa aroha nui. Ka taea e tēnei huringa te whakahoki i ngā wā maha, ka uaua ki te wetewete.

18 Ngā Tohu Kei te Pōmaia Koe e te Aroha

E kite ana koe, ko te awhiowhio kare ā-roto i hangaia e te pōrearea aroha ka tino uaua ki a koe te kite i te pōrearea. Ahakoa e mōhio ana koe, e mārama ana hoki ki te tikanga o te pōrearea aroha, i a koe e noho ana i roto i te uaua o te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka kitea e koe ētahi wāhi matapo ki ngā tohu whero o te whanaungatanga . Hei tiaki i a koe anō, me taea e koe te wehewehe i waenga i te pōrearea aroha me te manaaki me te aroha pono. Anei ngā tohu mō te pōrearea aroha hei tirotiro māu:

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakaroa i te whanaungatanga mēnā kei te tere rawa te haere

1. Kei te tere haere te whanaungatanga i tētahi tere whakamiharo

Ina tere haere te whanaungatanga, ko tētahi o ngā tohu kitea o te kaha o te aroha. I tūtaki koe ki a rāua i ngā wiki e toru kua pahure ake nei, ā, i moe i ngā rā e toru i muri mai, ā, i te wiki tuawhā, ka neke tahi kōrua. He tino whakakatakata te ahua, ā, ko ngā tohu kei te tere rawa te haere o tō kōrua whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā tohu nui hei tūpato. Ka tino miharo rawa te tukanga katoa o te aroha. Ehara i te mea ko koe anake ka ohorere i te tere o te whanaungatanga. Ka ohorere, ka āwangawanga hoki ō hoa tata me ō whanaunga.

Ina he aroha pono kei waenganui i te tokorua, ka tere haere te whanaungatanga, ā, me te whakaae hoki o ngā hoa tokorua. Ahakoa he neke tahi, he taumau rānei, me kōrero mō ēnei tohu o te whanaungatanga i mua i te tīmatanga. I tētahi atu taha, ki te pā mai te aroha nui, ka pēhia tetahi hoa, ā, ka rongo tetahi atu he mea akiaki, he mea here rānei kia whakaae. 

2. Ka whakapau moni nui rātou ki a koe 

Kei te pōrearea te aroha i ahau, e pātai ana koe? Tērā pea kei roto i ngā koha a tō hoa te whakautu. Ki te mea he nui rawa te utu, he nui rawa hoki, he tohu kino tēnā. Ko te hiahia o ngā pōrearea aroha kia whiwhi i te mana whakahaere nā te mea e hiahia ana rātou kia eke ki te taumata teitei i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te toa i tō whakawhirinaki me tō aroha mā te whakamahi i ngā koha tētahi o ngā tinihanga maha i roto i tā rātou pukapuka. 

E mea ana a Juhi, "He pai ki te tangata aroha te hoko koha hei whakanui i te nama o tōna hoa. Tērā pea he kore kino ēnei mea katoa ina mau koe i ngā mōhiti whero. Engari ko te mea pono, ko tēnei mahi tuku koha he mea e mahia ana kia rite ki te mea kei a koe tetahi mea e nama ana koe ki a rātou."

3. Ka ringihia e rātou ngā whakamoemiti me ngā kupu whakamihi ki a koe 

Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu o te aroha nui kāore i kitea e au i roto i taku whanaungatanga o mua. I te tīmatanga o tā māua whanaungatanga, ko taku hoa o mua, he tangata whakahihi, ka mihi tonu mai ki ahau. Ehara i te mea ko ō mihi noa "He ataahua koe" "He tino ātaahua koe", engari he tino motuhake pērā i te "He kikokore ō maihao" "He pai ki ahau te ara ake o ō tukemata ina kōrero koe mō ngā tuhinga." 

I mōhio ia ki te mea ka tino miharo ahau, ā, i whakamahia e ia hei mea kia aroha ahau ki a ia . Ina titiro whakamuri, kāore au i kite i tētahi mea ataahua mōna engari ko ana huarahi maha ki te whakamoemiti i ahau, me te hoko taonga utu nui māku. I whakarite ia kia honoa tōku mana me tōku whakaute ki a ia anō ki ana whakaaro me ana whakatau. Koia te take e whakarārangihia ai e ngā kaiwhakaoho aroha ngā mihi. Ka kōrerotia e rātou ki a koe te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te whakarongo.

Pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu He Kōtiro Tiaki Tino Ia

4. Ka pupuhihia koe e rātou ki ngā karere me ngā waea

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te aroha pōrearea ko te tuku karere me te waea tonu mai a tō hoa ki a koe. E rua wiki pea tō kōrua whakaipoipo, engari ka pau i a rāua ia hāora ki te tuku karere ki a koe. He mea rerekē tēnā nā te mea he roa te wā e hiahiatia ana kia whakawhanakehia e te tokorua tētahi hononga kare ā-roto tino kaha. Engari mō te hunga aroha pōrearea, he rautaki tēnei hei mea i a koe kia whakaaro he mea nui koe ki a rāua. Ehara i te mea onge te hiahia ki te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa mō te tangata kua tūtaki koe. Heoi, he haki whero ina tīmata te aro me ngā kōrero nui ki te whakararu i a koe, ā, ka whakaaro koe kei te mauheretia koe.

5. E whakahīhī ana rātou ki tō rātou kaha

Ko te aroha pono e pā ana ki te hoatu wāhi ki tētahi ki tētahi engari ka tohe ngā kaiwhakaoho aroha ki te manawa i roto i tō kaki. I ētahi wā, ko tō rātou kaha - e kitea ana i roto i te take o te whakaoho aroha narcissistic - ka tino kaha rawa atu. Ina noho tonu tetahi i muri i tō tuara, e whai ana i ō nekehanga, e pātai ana i a koe me te tumanako kia whakautu koe i ia wā, ka tino kaha rawa atu.
me te kaha hoki. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, e whakaaro ana rātou he tika tēnei huarahi "whakaatu aroha", nā te mea kei te whakaatu rātou ki a koe e aroha nui ana rātou ki a koe—me te kore e whakaaro ki ō kare ā-roto. Ka tere pea tēnei te whakapōrearea i a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga.

6. Ka whakakāhia koe e rātou

He maha ngā wā ko te whakamihi aroha he mea nui ki te whakamihi nui rawa, engari i ētahi wā, ka pātai pea te kaiwhakamihi aroha i ō whakaaro me tō hinengaro mā te whakakore i tō putanga, i tō mooni rānei, mā te whakakore rānei i ō kare ā-roto. Ko te whakamārama hau i roto i te whanaungatanga he tikanga ina takaro tetahi i ō kare ā-roto me ō kare ā-roto kia rite ki ō rātou hiahia, ā, he maha ngā wā ka tutuki mā te whakamahi i ngā kīanga pēnei i te "He porangi koe, kati te nui rawa o te tauhohenga" me te "Kāo, kei te tito noa koe, kāore i tupu". He taputapu tēnei mō te whakahaere me te tukino i te whakamātakitaki aroha. Ki te rapu koe i te rerekētanga i waenganui i te whakamātakitaki aroha me te hiahia nui, ko te whakamātakitaki hau te mea hei tūpato māu nā te mea kāore te tangata e hiahia nui ana ki a koe e whakamātau i a koe mā te whakamātakitaki hau. Ko te mea pea ka pena te kaiwhakamihi aroha.

Pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Gaslighting me ngā Huarahi e 5 hei Whakatau i tēnei

7. Ka hangaia e rātou rātou anō hei mea ehara i a rātou kia rite ai koe ki a rātou

E mea ana a Juhi, "Ka mōhio te tangata aroha e rapu ana i ngā hoa i roto i ngā wā poto ki te whakarerekē i tōna āhua i runga i te tangata e kōrero ana rātou. Ka tino huri rātou i a rātou anō hei tangata ehara i a rātou. He aha ai? Nā te mea e hiahia ana rātou kia kite koe i a rātou hei tangata e pai ana koe, e whakamoemititia ana hoki e koe. Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā tohu noa o ngā whanaungatanga rūpahu ."

Me tūpato koe ina he nui rawa ngā āhuatanga ōrite o tō hoa aroha, o te tangata rānei e piri tahi ana koe, me te mea nei he rite tonu tō āhua ki tō hoa whakaata. "Āe, he kaiwhenua koe? Pērā anō hoki ahau". "E mōhio ana ahau e aroha ana koe ki a Van Gogh. He tino pai ki ahau ngā mahi toi katoa." Ae, tera pea he āhuatanga ōrite ōu ki te tangata e hiahia ana koe ki a ia, engari ki te mea he nui rawa ēnei, kaua e warewarehia. Tērā pea kua rangahauhia e ia ngā mea katoa mōu kia aroha ai koe ki a ia. 

8. Ka whakarērea wawetia e rātou te kupu 'L'

He tukanga āta haere te taka ki te aroha. Ko te kukume te mea e hono ai te tokorua, ko te aroha nui ka whakaoho i te aroha o aua rā, engari ko te aroha pono, hohonu, pumau, he wā roa ki te tupu. Ka puta mai i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto me te awhi i te ngoikore. Ko te mōhio ko wai tō hoa—ngā āhuatanga rerekē, ngā hapa me ngā mea katoa—me te whiriwhiri tonu i a ia i ia rā, i roto i ngā wā pai me ngā wā kino. 

Ko te tangata e kaha ana ki te aroha, kāore i a ia te manawanui, te whakaaro rānei ki te whai i ēnei wāhanga o te aroha. Koia te take e kī wawe ana rātou "Kei te aroha ahau ki a koe" . Mena he torutoru noa ngā wiki, ngā marama rānei kua noho tahi kōrua, ā, kua whakapuaki kē rātou i te aroha mutunga kore ki a koe, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore rātou i te mōhio ki a koe tūturu engari kei te hiahia rātou ki te whakatenatena i a koe kei te aroha rātou, he tohu tēnā kei te hinga koe i te aroha.

9. Kāore rātou e mārama ki ngā rohe hauora

Ahakoa kei roto koe i te aroha, kei roto rānei i te whanaungatanga me tētahi atu, kei a koe te tika ki tō tūmataitinga. Heoi, kāore te tangata e aroha ana ki te pōrearea i tēnei ariā, ā, ka riri ia ina kōrerotia e koe te hiahia mō ngā rohe hauora me te tūmataitinga. Inaa, ka meinga koe e rātou kia whakama mō te hiahia ki te wāhi me te mana motuhake i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nā te mea kāore te tangata tukino e hiahia kia whai herekore koe.

Hei tauira, ki te kī atu koe e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi wā mokemoke māu ake, ka whakama pea rātou i a koe mā te kī pēnei i te, "I mahara ahau i pai koe ki te noho tahi me ahau" me te "Kei te peia atu ahau e koe". Mā tēnei pana tonu ka waiho koe kia pōhēhē, kia taupatupatu hoki, ā, ka tukua e koe ā rātou tono, ka tukua rātou kia takahi i a koe.

10. Ka tirotirohia koe e rātou 

I te mea ko te whakahaere te mahi a te kaiwhakaoho aroha, ka hiahia te tangata e mau tonu ana ki tēnei mahi ki te aroturuki i ō nekehanga katoa. Ka hiahia te kaiwhakaoho aroha ki te mōhio ki tāu e mahi ana i ngā wā katoa, i ngā wā katoa o te wiki. Ehara i te mea koinā anake, engari ka whai tonu rātou i ō wāhi me ō mahi katoa. He aha tāu e mahi ana, kei hea koe e pāti ana, me te hunga e pāti tahi ana koe—ka mōhio rātou ki ngā mea katoa ahakoa kāore koe e kōrero atu ki a rātou mō ēnei mea.

Kāore pea i te whakapae engari he āhua rerekē o te mana pupuri. I te tīmatanga, tera pea te āhua nei he tino hiahia rātou ki te mōhio ki a koe, engari i roto i te wā, ka tīmata ēnei pātai FBI tonu te whakararuraru i a koe. E mea ana a Juhi, "Ka whakapā atu tonu rātou ki a koe hei huarahi ki te aroturuki i a koe. Tērā pea he āhua manaaki, he whakaatu āwangawanga tēnei, engari kāore rawa he mea e tawhiti atu ana i te pono. Koinei tā rātou rautaki ki te whakahaere i a koe kia riro mai ai tō aroha."

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Tohutohu a te Tohunga hei Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero Pai ake ki tō Hoa

11. He wawe rawa, he maha rawa hoki ā rātou kōrero mō te whakapau kaha

Ko te ture matua o tētahi whanaungatanga ko te kaua e whakahorohoro i ngā mea. Ka tere ake tō nekehanga, ka kaha ake tō pakaru me tō werawera. Engari ki te hunga e aroha ana ki te aroha, ko te whakahorohoro i ngā mea te mea noa. Ka tere haere rātou i roto i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te whanaungatanga . Ka pēhia koe e rātou ki te whakatau.

He roa te wā e hiahiatia ana hei hanga hononga pono. Me tino poipoi koe i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto me te whanaungatanga tinana kia pai ai te whanaungatanga ki tētahi. He mahi tonu tēnei kia roa ai te whanaungatanga. Engari, ki te mea kei te huna koe i te aroha, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakaroa, ki te neke whakamua rānei i te tere e pai ana ki a kōrua.

12. Ka tono koretake rātou

Ki te hiahia koe ki te tangata e pupuhi ana i te aroha, ka tumanako koe ka huri tō oranga katoa ki a ia. Ka pōuri rātou, ka tīmata ki te whawhai, ka whakaatu rānei i te riri koretake kia tutuki ai tā rātou e hiahia ana. Ko te raruraru, ina tukua e koe ā rātou riri, ka waiho hei tauira. Ka pana tonu rātou i ngā rohe me ngā tono koretake.

Hei tauira, ki te whakakorehia e koe tētahi pō whakangahau me ō hoa nā te mea kei te pōuri tō hoa mō te āhua o tā rātou noho tahi me koe, ka mahi tonu rātou i tēnā i ia wā, ā, e kore e mutu kia mutu rā anō tō whakaaro mō te noho tahi me te tangata i waho o te whanaungatanga. Waihoki, tera pea ka tumanako rātou kia kōrero koe ki a rātou tae noa ki te pō ahakoa e mōhio ana rātou he tīmatanga wawe tō te ata i te aonga ake. Ka tono rānei kia whakakorehia e koe ngā mahere me tō whānau nā te mea kei te ngaro koe i a rātou.  

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Kei te pāngia ahau e te aroha?", tirohia te momo tono a tō hoa ki a koe. Ki te mea he ahua koretake ā rātou tono me ā rātou tumanakohanga engari kāore rātou e kite pērā ana, ā, ka akiaki i a koe kia whakaaro kei te nui rawa ō tauhohenga, kei roto koe i te pokapū o te huringa pāngia aroha whakahihi. 

13. E tumanakohia ana kia aroha koe ki a rātou kia rite ki tā rātou e hiahia ana kia arohaina koe

Haunga te hiahia kia aro atu koe ki a rātou, me te whakawhirinaki ki a koe mō tō rātou harikoa, e tumanako ana hoki rātou kia aroha koe ki a rātou i tētahi ara. Ki te kore koe e tutuki i ā rātou tumanakohanga, ka whakahoki mai rātou mā te whakatio i a koe, te whakama i a koe, te patu, te mahi kino rānei. Ahakoa he mea iti noa iho pēnei i a koe, me te roa ake o tō whakautu ki ā rātou karere kuputuhi, ka nui pea hei whakaoho i tō riri. 

Ki te hiahia koe ki te mārama ki te wehewehe i te aroha pōrearea me te manaaki pono , tīmata ki te aro ki te urupare a te tangata e noho tahi ana koe ina kore ngā mea e haere i tā rātou e pai ai. Ko te tangata e aroha ana ki a koe e kore e rapu huarahi ki te whakahoki mai i a koe mō ia whakaiti, mō ia pouri rānei. Ka mahi te aroha pōrearea. E mea ana a Juhi, "E hiahia ana rātou kia tino tika koe nā te mea e whakaaro ana te tangata aroha whakahihi he tino tika rātou. E whakapono ana rātou me tino tika ngā mea katoa, ā, me whakahaere kia rite ki tā rātou e hiahia ana me tā rātou e tumanako nei. Ina kore ngā mea e haere i tā rātou e pai ai, ka whakararuraru i tō oranga."

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Tohu Kāore tō Hoa i te Tika mōu

14. Ka whakatūpato ētahi atu i a koe mō tō hoa rangatira

Nā te mea kua pāngia koe e te aroha, tērā pea kāore koe e kite i te āhua tūturu o tō hoa (ehara i te tīmatanga). Engari tera pea ētahi tāngata e tata ana ki a koe e mōhio ana ki ā rātou whakaaro, ā, e whakatūpato ana i a koe. Me whakarongo koe ki aua whakatūpato kia ora ai koe i te wā tika. Ko te tangata e pāngia ana e te aroha ka tino ataahua te āhua i te tīmatanga, engari i te wā e wetekina ana te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka kitea he tangata whakahaere kino, he tangata tukino kare ā-roto rānei . Nō reira, ki te ngana ō hoa me ō whānau ki te tuku tohutohu, ki te whakatūpato rānei i a koe, kia aro mai.

15. Ka nui rawa ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata e aroha ana ki te tangata. I a koe e noho tahi ana me rātou, ka neke haere koe i tētahi pito o te whānuitanga o ngā kare ā-roto ki tētahi pito. Mai i ngā tihi o te aroha tonu ki ngā pito o te kore arohia, te whakahēngia, te maka atu rānei, ka pāngia koe e ngā pito rawa i a koe e haere ana i roto i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te huringa aroha, ka waiho hei whanaungatanga paitini tawhito e waiho ana i a koe he mamae nui o te kare ā-roto.

Pānui e pā ana : 11 Rautaki hei whakamutu i te hae me te kore whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga

16. Tērā pea ka whaiwhai rātou i ō āwangawanga

Ka tere te kite a ngā kaiwhakaoho aroha i te iti o te whakaaro ki a rātou anō, nā te mea pea kei te pāngia rātou e tēnei mate, ā, ka whakamahia hei hanga i te whakawhirinakitanga kare ā-roto, me te mea kāore e taea e koe te mahi me tā rātou whakamana me te whakaae. Hei tauira, ki te raru koe i ngā raruraru o te ahua o tō tinana, ka kōrero pea rātou mō tō āhua, ka whakahē mārire rānei i te āhua o te kakahu e whakaatu ana i a koe hei whakanui ake i ō āwangawanga. Ki te whai wāhi atu rānei koe ki tētahi maharatanga mamae, ki tētahi wheako whakama rānei i tētahi wā ngoikore, ka whakamahia pea e rātou hei whakahē i a koe.

17. Ka hikoi koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i tō rātou taha 

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te whakapuaki i ōu ngākau, kāore rānei e taea e koe te whakapuaki noa i ōu whakaaro ki tō hoa, ko tētahi tēnei o ngā tohu rongonui o te aroha pōrearea i roto i te whanaungatanga. E kī ana a Juhi, "Ehara i te mea kei te hikoi noa koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i te taha o rātou, engari kāore hoki koe e noho haumaru. Ka whakaaro koe mēnā kāore ngā mea e haere ana i runga i ngā tumanakohanga a te tangata aroha pōrearea, me pikau e koe te taumahatanga. Ka whiua koe mēnā kāore ngā mea e haere i tētahi ara. Ka waiho koe kia pōuri te hinengaro me te tinana. Koinei tō tohu ki te mahi i tetahi mea ki a rātou, ki te kore ka tūpono koe ki te mauheretia i roto i te huringa aroha pōrearea ake ake."

18. Ka waiho e rātou rātou ki waenganui o ngā mea katoa

He pai ki ngā tāngata aroha te hanga i ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki a rātou. Ki te ngana koe ki te whakatakoto rohe , ka kite rātou i a rātou e pana atu ana. Ki te ngana koe ki te whakatika i ngā take e whakararuraru ana i a koe, ka riri rātou nā te mea kua whara ō rātou kare ā-roto. Ki te ngana koe ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, e kore tō rātou whakapehapeha e whakaae ki te whakakorenga, ā, ka hoki anō rātou ki te kōrero mō ō rātou kare ā-roto me te pehea i whakaititia ai rātou ahakoa ā rātou mahi katoa ki te aroha ki a koe.

Me pēhea te whakaora i te pōma o te aroha

Ko te whakaora i te hinganga o te aroha ehara i te mea ko te neke whakamua anake—engari ko te whakahoki mai i tō māramatanga ki a koe anō me te ako ki te whakawhirinaki anō ki ō kare ā-roto. Mā te mauheretia i roto i te huringa o te aroha nui me te wehe atu ka taea e koe te ngoikore i te kare ā-roto me te pakaru o tō whakaaro ki a koe anō. Engari i roto i te wā me te mōhio ki a koe anō, ka taea e koe te wehe atu me te hanga anō i tō whakapono ki a koe anō. Anei te mahi:

1. Whakaaetia te mea i tupu

He māmā noa te whakapae i a koe anō, te pātai rānei mēnā he pono te pōrearea aroha, engari ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaora ko te mōhio ki tōna āhua—he tinihanga, ehara i te aroha. E mea ana a Juhi, "Kia whakahuatia e koe te wheako, ka taea e koe te tīmata ki te wehewehe i te mānukanuka mai i te ao tūturu." Nō reira, kaua e mataku ki te whakaae kua taka koe ki te pōrearea aroha, me te kore e whakapae i a koe anō, e whakamahi rānei i ngā kōrero whakaiti i a koe anō pērā i te "He kuware rawa ahau. Nā te aha ahau i kore ai e kite i tēnei?" me te "Nā te aha ahau i kuware ai ki te taka ki tēnei?"

Pānui e Pā Ana: He Aha te Tauhohenga a te Tangata Whakahīhī ina Kāore e Taea e Ia te Whakahaere i a Koe?

2. Kaua e whakapā atu, kaua hoki e whakatakoto rohe pumau

Ki te taea, motuhia ngā hononga ki te tangata e pāngia ana koe e te aroha, ā, piri ki te ture kore-pā . Ka tupu pai ngā pāngia e te aroha mā te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto, nō reira ko te aukati i a rātou i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori me te karo i te whakapā atu te huarahi pai ki te tango i ō rātou awe me te hopu i te ao tūturu, inā koa mēnā kei te pāngia koe e te aroha whakahihi. Heoi, ki te kore e taea te tango katoa i a rātou i roto i tō ao nā te mea he kawenga tahi pērā i te mātua tahi, me whakatū e koe he rohe pakari hei tiaki i tō oranga kare ā-roto.

3. Hangaia anō tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō

He maha ngā wā ka pātai koe mō tō uara nā te aroha, inā koa i muri i te wā whakahekenga uara. Hei whakaora, me arotahi koe ki ngā mahi hei whakapakari i a koe, hei whakaū hoki i a koe anō. I kitea i roto i tētahi rangahau i te tau 2018 i roto i te Self and Identity , mā te whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahi whakaū i a koe anō, pērā i te tuhi i tētahi puka rātaka, te whakatakoto whāinga whaiaro rānei, ka āwhina i te whakahoki mai i te māramatanga o te whakaaro ki a koe anō.

4. Rapua he tautoko mai i ngā tāngata pono

Ka taea e ngā whanaungatanga tukino , tae atu ki ngā whanaungatanga e pā ana ki te poma aroha, te whakamomori. Hei whakaora i te pānga o te poma aroha me kimi e koe he ara hoki ki tō porowhita o roto o te iwi—ngā hoa me te whānau e whakamahara ana i a koe ko wai koe i mua i te tinihanga, ā, e aroha ana ki a koe mō wai koe. E whakamārama ana a Juhi, "Mā te karapoti i a koe ki te hunga e kite mārama ana i a koe ka taea te whakakore i te putanga whakapohehe o koe i hangaia e te poma aroha."

5. Mahi tahi me te kaiwhakaora hinengaro

He roa te wā e ora ai i te whakahaere kare ā-roto , ā, mā te arataki ngaio koe e āwhina ki te tukatuka i ō wheako me te hanga anō i ngā tauira whanaungatanga hauora ake. Kua whakaatuhia te rongoā hinengaro, inā koa te rongoā whanonga-hinengaro (CBT), hei āwhina i ngā tāngata i pāngia e te tukino kare ā-roto kia hoki mai ki te māramatanga ki a rātou anō me te whakatū rohe kaha ake.

Pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu o Ngā Take Whakawhirinaki me Me Pēhea te Whakakore i a Rātou

6. Akohia te whakawhirinaki anō—āta haere

He mea maori te tūpato ki ngā whanaungatanga hou i muri i te hinganga o te aroha. Kia ata haere, kia tūpato ki ngā tohu kino, me whakawhirinaki ki tō ngākau. Me noho haumaru te aroha, me pumau, me te whai whakaaro tahi—kaua e rite ki te hurihuri kare ā-roto. Kāore te whakaora i te mea rārangi, ā, ka uaua ake ētahi rā i ētahi atu engari ko ia hikoinga ka mahia e koe ki te mōhio ki a koe anō me te mana motuhake kare ā-roto ka tata atu koe ki te aroha hauora, whai hua e tika ana māu.

Thoughts Final 

Ka whakamatapo te aroha i a koe ina tino whakamihi koe, ina miharo hoki koe i ia taahiraa o te ara, ā, koinei te tohu tuatahi o te pōreareatanga o te aroha. Ko ngā kare ā-roto pono o te aroha e pā ana ki te whakaute ōrite, te aroha, ngā rohe hauora, me te whakaae tahi. Engari, ko te pōreareatanga o te aroha he āhua ohorere, he āhua kore taurite. Me whakamana koe, me whai rawa, me harikoa hoki i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko ngā mea katoa e whakararuraru ana i a koe – ahakoa he aroha me te āwangawanga – me oma atu koe.

Me pēhea te whakautu ki a DARVO: Ngā Rārangi Tohunga e 7 Ngā Rautaki

Ka taea e te hunga whakahihi te aroha?

Te Mōhio ki ngā Tohu Whero 13 o tētahi Hononga Whakahaere

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.