5 Ngā Tohu Tino Kino engari Pono e Kore rawa ia e Marena i a Koe

Kei roto kōrua i tētahi hononga roa, ā, kāore e kitea he ahunga whakamua? He rite tonu ō kōrua āhuatanga o te ao ki tō hoa, tērā pea kei te noho tahi kōrua, kei te pai ki te whakapau wā ki a kōrua, kei te whai hua te whanaungatanga, engari kāore kōrua i te tino tata ki te kite i tētahi heke mai me ia i tō kōrua tīmatanga ki te whakaipoipo. Tērā pea ka ara ake te manukanuka mō ngā mea kei te heke mai mā kōrua. 

I roto i tō hinengaro, tera pea ka rongo tonu koe i te taumahatanga o te pātai whakararuraru, "Ka moe ia i ahau, kāore rānei, kei te moumou taima ahau?" Tērā pea ka nui ake ēnei mataku i te whakaaro o tō hoa ki te tango i te taahiraa whai muri i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Tērā pea, ko te kōrero "kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana" ka arahi tonu ki te whawhai, ka tīmata rānei ia ki te mahi tawhiti i ngā wā katoa ka whakahuatia e koe te kupu M. 

I te mea kāore anō kia whiwhi whakautu tika mai i a ia (ki te kore, kāore koe i konei) ā, ehara hoki i te mea ngāwari te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kua tino piripono koe ki roto, ki te kore koe e tino mōhio koinei anake te huarahi ki waho, tukua ahau kia tahuri tō aro ki ētahi tohu kino e rima engari he pono e kore rawa ia e marena ki a koe.  

5 Ngā Tohu Tino Kino engari Pono e Kore rawa ia e Marena i a Koe

"E rima tau māua e noho tahi ana, engari kāore taku hoa tāne e hiahia ki te tono marena." "Kāore taku hoa tāne e hiahia ki te marena, engari ko au e hiahia ana." "Ko te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i ahau kei te herea te pona, ko au kei konei tonu e tatari ana ki te tono marena. Kei te hiahia ia ki te marena i ahau, kāore rānei?" Ko mātou o Bonbology, ehara i te mea hou ki te raruraru o ngā wāhine i roto i ngā hononga roa e hoha ana ki te tatari kia pātai mai ā rātou hoa.

I runga i ngā kōrero maha kua tae mai ki a tātou i roto i ngā tau, kua kohikohia e au tēnei rārangi o ngā tohu whakapouri engari e kore rawa ia e marena ki a koe. Mēnā kua roa koe e noho tahi ana me tētahi, he uaua ki te whakaae kei roto koe i tētahi hononga mutunga kore. Engari e te tuahine, ki te kite koe he tika ēnei tohu, ka akiaki atu ahau ki a koe kia whakarērea te whakakorekore me te tango i taua taahiraa uaua tuatahi ki te whakaae, nā te mea ko te tangata e mahi ana i ēnei mea e whai ake nei, e kore rawa ia e marena ki a koe: 

1. Kāore ia e kōrero mō te heke mai

Kei te hiahia tō hoa ki te kōrero mō ngā mahere mō te mutunga wiki me tō haerenga e whai ake nei, engari i te wā tonu ka kōrerotia e koe te ao o te heke mai, ka huri ia i te kaupapa, ka kata, ka tuku rānei i tētahi whakautu koretake? He tohu mārama tēnei e kore e tino mōhio, e mataku rānei ki te piripono ki a koe mō te wā roa. Ka taea hoki te whakaatu i te kore hiahia ki te whakamahere mō te heke mai i roto i ēnei āhuatanga:

1. E hiahia tonu ana ia kia noho "i roto i te wā"

I tētahi wā i whakaipoipo ahau i tētahi tāne, ā, ko tāna whakautu tonu ki ngā pātai pēnei i te "he aha tāua" me te "kei hea koe e whakaaro ana kei te anga atu tēnei" mā te piko atu ki te kihi, kātahi ka whai ake me te kī, "He aha koe ka manukanuka ai mō te heke mai, kia koa tāua ki ngā mea kei konei, kei nāianei hoki." Kaua e pohehe, e tautoko ana ahau i te tūponotanga me te noho i roto i te wā engari kāore e taea te whakamahi hei take hei karo i ngā kōrero mō te heke mai, inā koa mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau, pumau . E ai ki te kaiwhakaora whanaungatanga a Tākuta Anjali Mehta, "Ko te kore e pai ki te kōrero mō te heke mai he tohu i te koretake, i te wehi rānei mō te whakapau kaha."

2. Ka mutu tana kōrero ina pātai koe i ngā pātai whānui

E kī ana a Amy, 32 tau te pakeke, e mahi ana i te hokohoko, "I kite ahau kāore taku hoa tāne mō ngā tau e whitu kua pahure ake nei i te rite mō te marena i taku kitenga i tana karo tonu i ngā pātai mō te āhua o tō heke mai. Hei tauira, i ia wā ka whakahuatia e au te wāhi e noho ai māua i roto i ētahi tau, ka mataku ia, ka mea noa, 'Ka whiti tāua i taua piriti ina tae tāua ki reira.'"

I roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa e noho tahi ana ngā hoa tokorua mō te wā roa, ka kōrerohia ngā pātai whānui mō te āhua noho, ngā whāinga mahi, ngā pūtea, ngā mahere whānau rānei i ia wā, i ia wā. Ki te mataku tō hoa ina whakahuatia ēnei kaupapa e koe, ki te tahuri ke rānei i a rātou, kaua e whakapuaki i te harikoa mō te heke mai tahi, he tohu mārama tēnei e kore rawa ia e marena ki a koe. 

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3. Kāore ia i whakauru i a koe ki roto i tōna ao 

Ahakoa kua roa te noho tahi, ahakoa kāore anō tō hoa kia tino whakauru i a koe ki roto i tōna ao, he tohu tēnei i tōna koretake mō te heke mai. Ae, kua whakaurua pea koe e ia ki ana hoa, ā, kua tūtaki pea koe ki tōna whānau i ētahi wā, engari ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi hononga roa, ā, kāore tonu koe i te whai wāhi tonu ki tana ao pāpori me tana porowhita o roto, kāore ia e whakaaro ana kia noho tahi koe mō te wa katoa. 

4. Kāore ia e hoatu he rārangi wā tuturu ki a koe 

Ko ngā whanaungatanga he whanaketanga ā-taiao mai i tētahi taumata ki tētahi taumata e whai ake nei—te whakaipoipo, te noho motuhake, te neke ki roto, te taumau, te marena, me ērā atu mea. Mā te waiaro o tō hoa ki ēnei taumata ka taea e koe te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio mō tōna rite ki te marena. Mena ko "tērā pea" "i tētahi rā" "ka kite tāua" anake tana e whakaaro ai i a koe e kōrero ana mō ngā taumata o te whanaungatanga , hei utu mō te hoatu i tētahi wātaka tuturu e pai ana ki a ia, tera pea kāore ia e whakaaro ana mō te marena i a koe.

2. E whakaaro ana ia ki te whanaungatanga he kōwhiringa, ehara i te mea nui

Nā te mea kua hinga, kua ngenge hoki ahau i tēnei kōrero, me whakarongo mai ki ahau: ko te tangata e whakaaro ana ki a koe he kōwhiringa noa iho — he mea hei whakakī i tōna wā ina kore he mea pai ake i roto i tōna ao — kaua ko te mea nui, kāore rawa ia e whakaaro ki te marena i a koe. Ina tino piripono te tangata ki a koe, ka tū atu ia ki a koe, ka puta atu ki a koe me te kore e tonoa. Ki te kore, ka kite koe i ngā tohu kāore ia e hiahia ki te marena i a koe pēnei i:

1. Kāore i te maha ngā mahere e whakatūturutia

Wareware ki te tumanako atu ki a ia kia tū mai ki te hiri i te whakaaetanga me te mowhiti, kāore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki atu ki a ia kia tae mai ki ngā mahere i whakaaetia e ia. Mena kei te whakaaro tonu koe mēnā he mahere tūturu, he whakamātautau noa iho rānei taua rā kiriata, te haere kai rānei i kōrerotia e koe, kāore tō hoa e aro nui ana ki tō wā, ki ō kare ā-roto rānei. I a ia e whakamārama ana he aha tēnei he tohu whero i roto i te tāne , e kī ana te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Josh Kent, "Ko te tangata e tino hiahia ana ki te heke mai ka whai whakaaro noa ki ō hiahia nā te mea kua kite kē rātou i a koe hei wāhanga o taua mea."

2. He "pukumahi rawa" ia mō ngā kōrero nui

Kei konei koe e tumanako puku ana ki tētahi tono makutu , e moemoeā ana rānei mō tō marena moemoeā, tae noa ki ngā kōrero iti rawa. Kua roa kōrua e noho tahi ana, ā, ka whakaaro koe he mea tino kore e taea te karo. Engari, tatari mō tētahi hēkona, ā, whakaarohia mēnā kua homai e tō hoa tāne he take tūturu ki a koe ki te hanga i tēnei pakiwaitara.

Kāore koe i te tino mōhio? Anei tētahi whakamātautau iti māu. Tukuna atu he karere kuputuhi whakarihariha ki a ia i waenganui o te rā mahi, tirohia me pēhea tana whakautu. Tērā pea ka waiho e ia tana mahi ki te taha, ka takaro noa mō te roa e pai ana ki a koe. Kātahi ka kōrero mō te heke mai, ka kōrero mō te hiahia ki a ia hei mema mō ake tonu atu, ka pātai atu rānei ki a ia kei hea kōrua e kite ana i roto i ngā tau e rima e whai ake nei.

Ki te kite koe i te hekenga o tana hihiri, ki te riri rānei koe ki te kī "me hoki ki te mahi" me te kī rānei "He nui taku mahi hei whakaoti, ka kōrero tāua ā muri ake nei", mā tēnei panonitanga o tana waiaro e whakaatu ki a koe ngā mea katoa e tika ana kia mōhio koe: ahakoa e pai ana ia ki ngā mea kei a kōrua, kāore ia e kite i tētahi heke mai me kōrua. 

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3. Ka meinga koe e ia kia rite ki te mea kua makahia atu koe

Kāore tō hoa tāne i te rite mō te marena mēnā ka meinga tonutia koe e ia kia rite ki te mea "ka taea te whakakapi". Mēnā ka toro atu ia ki a koe i te wā e pai ana ki a ia, ā, ka tumanako ia kia whakarērea e koe ngā mea katoa kia noho tahi ai koe, engari kāore e whakahoki mai i te atawhai, kāore rānei e ngana ki te whakapakari i tō hononga ki a ia, kāore rānei e aro ki te whara i ō kare ā-roto, tērā pea kāore te whanaungatanga e rite te tikanga ki a ia, ki tōu tikanga. Tērā pea kei te takaro noa ia i a koe. Ehara rawa tēnā i te momo tangata e hiahia ana ki te marena.

4. Kāore he "tātou" i roto i tōna ao

Ina noho tahi kōrua mō te wā roa, ka huri noa tō tirohanga mai i te "Au" ki te "tātou", mai i te "au" ki te "tātou". "Me penapena tātau mō te haerenga ki Ūropi i te tau e tū mai nei." "Ka nui ake tō tāua harikoa i ngā tāone iti?" "Ki tō whakaaro me tiki he kurī tātau?" He maha ngā wā, he mea tūturu tēnei huringa, ā, i ahu mai i te tirohanga mō te heke mai tahi. Nō reira, ki te mea ko te kupu whakakapi pai a tō hoa tāne i a ia e kōrero ana mō āna mahere mō te heke mai ko "Au", kāore ia i te tino hiahia ki te waihanga i tētahi oranga tahi me koe.

3. Kāore āna mahi e rite ana ki āna kupu

E ai ki a Leslie, 37 tau te pakeke, e uaua ana ki te whakaae ki te meka i mutu te whanaungatanga a tana hoa tāne i muri i tana whakaroa i a ia mō ngā tau, "I pāngia taku hoa o mua e te raruraru kare ā-roto, nā reira i pōuri ai ia ina tae ki te whakatau. I ngā wā katoa ka kī atu ahau ki a ia kua hoha ahau ki te tatari, ka oati ia ka pai ake tana mahi. Ka kī ia i ngā mea pēnei i te "Kāore e taea e au te whakaaro i tōku ao me te kore koe", ā, nā tēnā i whakapono ahau me whai wā ia ki te whakaoti i ana raruraru."

"Ko te raruraru, kāore ia i whakapau kaha ki te whakarerekē i ōna ara. Kātahi ka tūtaki ia ki tētahi atu, ā, kāore he raruraru i a ia ki te piripono ki a ia. I roto i ngā marama e ono o te whakamutu i taku whanaungatanga, ka moe ia i konei. Anei ahau e takakau ana i te mutunga o aku tau 30, e whakaaro ana kua tangohia te whai wāhi ki te whai wāhi ki tētahi whanaungatanga tūturu." Koinei te mea mō ngā kupu whakaari - kāore he tikanga mena kāore i tautokona e ngā mahi. Tērā pea kāore tō hoa tāne e whai whakaaro ki te whakatutuki i āna kupu whakaari me te piripono ki a koe, mena:

1. Kī tonu ia i ngā kupu whakaari kau

Ki te mea he nui āna kōrero engari kāore e mahi i tētahi mahi tūturu mō taua huarahi, tera pea kei te akiaki noa ia i a koe, pērā i te hoa o mua o Leslie, me te kore e whakarite i tētahi herenga tūturu. Ko tētahi tohu nui e whakaatu ana kāore anō te tāne kia rite ki te whakaae ko tana kōrero mō te marena, ko tana whakamana rānei i a koe e hiahia ana ia ki te marena i a koe engari kāore e whai ake me tētahi mahi tūturu pērā i te tono marena, e whakaroa tonu ana rānei i te whakarite mahere mō tētahi take, mō tētahi take rānei.

2. Ka whakaatu ia i tana whakapau kaha ina wehi ia kei ngaro koe

Ko tētahi atu tohu mārama e kore rawa ia e marena i a koe ko tana whakapau kaha he urupare, kaua ki te mahi matatau. Ka kī atu koe ki a ia kua hoha koe ki te tatari noa i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga mutunga kore , ā, ka huri ia hei hoa tāne pono tauira kua rite ki te neke i te rangi me te whenua kia kore ai koe e wehe. Ina tino mohio ia kua marino koe, ka mahue koe me te ngākau māhaki o mua i roto i te whanaungatanga. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Riya Kapoor, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, "He maha ngā wā ka whakaatahia e tēnei momo whanonga he ngana ki te pupuri i te rangimārie me te kore he whakaaro pono ki te hanga i tētahi heke mai mō te wā roa."

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3. E mea ana ia e hiahia ana ia ki tētahi āmua engari kāore rawa ia e mahi i runga i tēnā

Mā te rongonga i tō hoa tāne e kī ana "Kei te hiahia ahau ki te marena i a koe" ka kī tonu koe i ngā momo kare ā-roto mahana me ngā kare ā-roto pōuri i te tīmatanga. Engari ki te mea kua roa kōrua e noho tahi ana, ā, kāore ēnei kōrero e tautokona ana e te mahi—te penapena mō te mowhiti, te whakamōhio i ngā whānau, te kōrero rānei mō te rārangi wā—he kupu kau noa iho. Ki te mea kua maha āu rongonga i a rātou, me kī atu rātou kāore anō tō hoa tāne kia rite mō te marena. 

4. Te tatari mō te wā tika

Ki te mea i ia wā ka kōrerotia e kōrua te kaupapa o te marena, te hanga tahi rānei i tō kōrua oranga, ka mea atu ia ka "pōturi" te katoa, ā, kei te tatari noa ia mō te wā tika engari kāore taua wā tika e tae mai, kei te whakaroa ia. Ina kore kōrua e anga whakamua, tera pea ka kitea koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tūroa , ā, he wāhi tino whakararuraru tēnā hei noho, inā koa ka hiahia koe ki tētahi marena me tētahi hoa mō te wā katoa.

4. Kei te whakaaro koe kei te inoi koe kia whakapau kaha ia 

Mena kua tukuna e koe ētahi tohutohu—mai i te waiho "tūpono" i tētahi whārangi mō ngā hoahoa mowhiti e tuwhera ana i runga i tana pona ki te kōrero i ngā kōrero whakamīharo mō te tono marena—engari kāore ia e tango i te mōunu, ka meinga pea koe kia rite ki te tono kia piripono ia, ā, kāore ia i te rite ki te tuku. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki te nui o te pouri me te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga . Engari, kaua e tatari kia puta mai ia, kua tae ki te wā kia whakaae koe kāore tō hoa tāne e hiahia ki te marena, ina koa mēnā:

1. He mea nui ake ki a ia tōna herekoretanga i te hanga i tētahi oranga tahi me koe

Ki te mea he nui ake tōna mana motuhake i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, ka nui ake te hiranga o tana mahi, āna whāinga, āna wawata, āna mahi whakangahau, tōna oranga pāpori, tana hiahia mō te wāhi, i a koe, kāore ia i te tino hiahia. Ko te whanaungatanga pumau he whakakotahi i ngā oranga e rua, ā, ki te mea kāore i taea e tō hoa tāne te mahi i tēnā ahakoa kua roa ia e noho tahi ana me koe, ko te marena pea te mea whakamutunga kei roto i tōna hinengaro.

2. Kua waiho te kupu M hei pūtake o te pakanga

Ko tētahi atu tohu mārama e kore pea tō hoa e hiahia ki te marena i a koe, ko te kupu "marena" kua waiho hei pūtake tonu o te taupatupatu me te pakanga i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ki te riri ia, ka wehe atu, ka riri rānei i a koe e kōrero ana mō te marena, ahakoa he mea pea, tera pea ka kitea koe e takahi ana i runga i te anga hua manu i a ia mō tētahi take e tino nui ana ki a koe. Ka taea e tēnei koretake o ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga te whakararuraru nui i tō kōrua hononga.

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3. Kāore anō ia kia whakarerekē i tōna āhua noho hei tohu kua rite ia mō te marena

Kei te hiahia ia ki te marena i ahau, e whakaaro ana koe? Mena kei te kaha tonu ia ki te pāti, kei te whakatairanga i ana hoa i a koe, kei te noho ko ia anake i ngā mutunga wiki, he mārama kāore anō ia kia rite mō te herenga nui pērā i te marena. Wareware ki te marena, ko te korenga o te whakapau kaha ki te whakarite wāhi mōu i roto i tōna ao e tohu ana kāore pea ia e tino hiahia ana ki a koe. 

4. E rite ana tana whakahaere i tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki tētahi whakaritenga iti noa iho

Ka tino mōhio koe kāore tō hoa tāne e tono marena i roto i ngā wā tata nei mēnā kāore anō ia kia tīmata ki te whakaaro he hononga tūturu tō kōrua, engari ka mahi ia me te mea he whakaritenga ngāwari noa iho. Tērā pea ka kitea tēnei i roto i tana whanonga ki a koe , i tana kōrero rānei mō te hononga. Ki te mea ka kī ia i ngā mea pēnei i te "Kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te whakaahua i ōku kare ā-roto mōu" me te "He motuhake koe engari kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te tautuhi i tēnei mea kei a tāua", tera pea kei te whakaaro wawe koe mēnā kua rite ia mō te marena.

5. E wehi ana ia i te marena 

Ko te tohu tino mārama rawa atu kāore ia e moe i a koe, ko tōna whakahē nui ki te marena, ko tōna wehi rānei i ngā "mōrearea" o te marena. He maha ngā wā, ko te tū pakari pēnei i ahu mai i te mamae o te ngākau. Tērā pea i kite ia i ōna mātua e mau ana i roto i tētahi marena pōuri , kei te whakaipoipo rānei koe i tētahi tāne kua whakarerea, ā, kua pakaru, kua mura te marena tuatahi. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, kāore pea tōna whakaaro e huri noa, ahakoa te kaha o tō kōrua hononga. Ina koa mēnā:

1. E titiro ana ia ki te marena hei mahanga

Ki te mea kei te taha koe o tētahi tāne e kōrero ana mō te marena me te mea he whiu mauhere, e kōrero tonu ana mō ngā marena kore angitu , mō te maha o ngā whakarere kua kitea e ia, kia mōhio koe kāore ia e tono wawe mai. E mea ana a Sarah Jensen, he kaiwhakaora marena, "Ki te mea he tirohanga kino noa iho tā tētahi ki te marena, kāore pea rātou e huri i taua tūnga me te kore he panonitanga nui o te tirohanga."

2. Kua kī atu ia ki a koe "ehara ia i te momo tangata e hiahia ana ki te marena" 

Ki te mea kua kī atu tō hoa tāne ki a koe ehara ia i te momo tangata e pai ana ki te marena, tera pea kei te moumou tō wā—me āna—i ō mahi ki te rapu huarahi hei whakaipoipo i a ia māu, tera pea ka kore noa iho. He pono, ki te mea koinā te āhua, ehara i te mea tika ki a ia te pēhanga ohorere i a ia i te mea kua kīia mārama mai e ia ehara te marena i te mea māna. He tokomaha te hunga e tino makona ana ki te hononga pumau, me te kore e hiahia ki te whakamana ture, ki te whakamana pāpori rānei. Nāu te whakatau mēnā ko koe tētahi o rātou nā te mea he tino pērā tō hoa. 

Pānui e pā ana: 22 Ngā Tohu kei te Whakaipoipo Koe He Aroha-ki-te-Whakaae

3. Kua taumau ia i mua engari kāore anō kia moe tāne 

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea kāore anō te tāne kia rite mō te marena ko tana taumau i mua engari kāore i tutuki i taua kupu whakaari. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakamutu i te taumau . Mēnā kua pā tēnei ki tō hoa tāne i mua, he tohu tēnei i te wehi nui mō te herenga.

4. I tono ia engari kei te whakaroa

Mena kua tono marena tō hoa tāne ki a koe, engari kāore anō kia kitea he ahunga whakamua tūturu mai i taua wā—hei tauira, kāore anō kia whakaritea he rā, kāore anō hoki kia tīmata te whakamahere marena —tērā pea tētahi o ngā tohu e pouri ana ia mō tana tono marena. Ko tētahi atu tohu kino ko tana akiaki tonu i te rā marena i runga i tētahi take, i tētahi take rānei. Ko ēnei whanonga e tohu ana kua tono pea ia nā te mea i pēhia ia, engari kāore he whakaaro ki te whakatutuki i tēnā.

Me pēhea te whakatau i te mōhio kāore ia e marena ki a koe

Ki te mea i kitea e koe ēnei tohu e rima e kore rawa ia e marena i a koe, kei te ara whakawhiti koe i roto i tō oranga. I tētahi taha, he whanaungatanga tōu kua whakapau kaha koe ki roto; ā, i tētahi atu taha, ko te moemoeā kia marenatia, kia tohaina tō oranga ki te aroha o tō oranga. He kōwhiringa matarohia nā Sophie. Engari, me whai whakaaro koe ki ngā mea kua tukuna ki a koe, tika? Tukua ahau kia āwhina i a koe me ēnei tohutohu mō te whakatau i te mōhio kāore ia e marena i a koe, me te whakatau i tētahi kōwhiringa e kore koe e pouri: 

1. Kia mārama ki te āhua o ō kare ā-roto nā te kore hiahia o tō hoa ki te marena i a koe

Mā te mōhio kāore ia e marena ki a koe ka puta he maha ngā kare ā-roto - mai i te mamae o te ngākau ki te pouri, tae noa ki te mauahara. Whakapaua te wā ki te mārama me te whakaae ki ngā kare ā-roto e pā mai ana ki a koe, ā, tukua koe kia rongo i aua kare ā-roto.

Kei te pouri koe mō tētahi heke mai i whakaarohia e koe, ā, ka rite pea ki te wehenga, ahakoa kei te noho tahi tonu kōrua. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Laura Weiss, he kaiwhakaora whanaungatanga, "He rite tonu te mamae o te tangihanga mō te ngaronga o tētahi heke mai e tohaina ana ki te tangihanga mō tētahi tangata. Me whai wāhi tēnei kare ā-roto kia ora ai." Mā te tuhi i ō whakaaro ki tētahi hoa pono, mā te tuhituhi rānei i ō whakaaro ki a ia anō ka āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka i ēnei kare ā-roto.

Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki ētahi wā hei whakatikatika i ēnei kare ā-roto. "Ko te whakaora i ngā tumanakohanga kāore anō kia tutuki, ehara i te mea ko te wareware i a rātou; engari ko te kimi haere i tētahi kaupapa hou," te tāpiri a Tākuta Weiss. Kaua e mangere ki te tango i te wā me te wāhi e hiahiatia ana e koe hei whakatikatika i te raruraru o roto, me te whakaae ki te mooni o tō whanaungatanga.

Pānui e Pā Ana: Me Pēhea te Neke Atu Ina Kei Te Aroha Tonu Koe Ki Tō O mua

2. Whakaarohia ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe i te ao

E ai ki taku kōrero i mua, ko te mōhio kāore tō hoa tāne e hiahia ana ki te marena i a koe ka ārahi i a koe ki tētahi huarahi whakawhiti. Hei whakatau i tētahi kōwhiringa, me whakaaroaro koe, me arotake hoki i tāu e hiahia ana i te ao. Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā he whāinga matua māu te hononga mō te wā roa, me te marena pea. Kia maumahara koe kāore ngā whanaungatanga whai hua katoa e arahi ki te marena , ā, ehara i te mea he kore angitu. Kātahi ka pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā he mea tēnā ka taea e koe te awhi me te ngākau nui.

I taua wā anō, whakaarohia ngā mea e pai ana koe ki te tuku atu me ngā mea nui. Ka āwhina hoki te hanga i tētahi rārangi painga me ngā huakore mō te whanaungatanga. Mā tēnei ka āwhina koe ki te tautuhi i ngā wāhi e tutuki ai ō hiahia e tō hoa, me ngā wāhi kāore e tutuki ai, ā, ka taea hoki te whakamārama mēnā kei te pupuri koe i te tumanako, kaua i te mooni.

3. Kōrero pono ki tō hoa

Kua pau te wā ki te tuku tohutohu me te pātai i ngā pātai koretake pēnei i te "kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana" me te "he aha tāua". Me kōrero pono kōrua ko tō hoa mō ō tumanakohanga me ō whāinga. He mea nui rawa atu tēnei mēnā kei te whakaaro koe kāore anō ia kia whakapuaki mārama i tōna tūnga mō te marena.

Kia maumahara ko te whāinga i konei ehara i te akiaki i a ia kia "whakaae, kia mutu rānei", engari kia mārama ki ōna whakaaro mō te marena me te heke mai. Kia whakapuakina mai e tō hoa tāne ōna tirohanga, me kī mārama atu ki a ia tāu e hiahia ana, engari kaua e tukua kia whakatūpato. E mea ana te tohunga whanaungatanga, a Tākuta Elena Hall, "Mā te whakapuaki i ō moemoeā me te kore he pēhanga ka taea e ia te whakautu mai me te tuwhera, ā, ka hoatu he māramatanga ki a koe mō āna whāinga."

Engari, me pēhea mēnā ka karo tō hoa i te whai wāhi atu ki te kōrero, ka piri rānei ki ngā whakautu koretake? Āe, i taua wā, kaua e noho noa, e tatari ana kia puta mai ia. I ētahi wā, he mea nui te wā puku. Ko tana kore e pai ki te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi kōrero e mārama ana he mea nui ki a koe ka whakaū i tāu e whakapae kē nei. "Ki te kore ia e whakahoki mai i tō tirohanga mō te heke mai, me whakaaro he māramatanga kaua e tatari kia huri ia," te tohutohu a Tākuta Hall.

4. Whakatauhia he whakatau i runga i ō uara

Kia oti i a kōrua te arotake i ō hiahia, i ō uara, me ō whāinga, ā, kia kōrero tahi kōrua ko tō hoa, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakatau mēnā ka noho tahi kōrua, ka wehe rānei i te ara. He whakatau uaua pea tēnei, engari mēnā ka piripono kōrua ki ō uara, ka whiriwhiria e kōrua te mea e hari ai kōrua mō te wā roa.

Ki te mea kei te uaua koe ki te whakatau i tētahi mea, mā te whakaaroaro i tō heke mai me ia, me te kore hoki. "Mā te whakaaroaro i te heke mai e hiahia ana koe ka tino whai pūtake, ka āwhina hoki ki te ārahi i a koe ki mua," te kī a Michelle Perry, te kaiako ora.

Mena ko te marena te kaupapa matua o tō oranga, ā, kāore tō hoa rangatira e whakaae ana, pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā ka makona koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e anga atu ana ki taua huarahi. Ki te whakatau koe kāore te marena i te mea nui, arotahi ki te whakatakoto i ētahi atu whāinga whanaungatanga, pērā i te haereere, te whakamahere pūtea, te noho tahi rānei.

5. Awhitia ngā panoni me ngā tīmatanga hou

Ahakoa ka whakatau koe ki te neke atu, ki te noho tonu rānei, me te whakarerekē i ō tumanakohanga, me whakarite anō e koe ō hiahia me ō uara. Ahakoa ka neke atu koe, ka whakarerekē i ō tumanakohanga, ka kimi whāinga hou rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga , awhihia tēnei wā hei wāhanga o tō tipu. Mā te whakaae ki tō kaha ki te aro atu ki ngā pono uaua me te whakatau i ngā whakataunga uaua ka tino whakamana. E ai ki a Tākuta Jade Chen, he kaiwhakaora hinengaro e tohunga ana ki ngā huringa o te ao, "He tīmatanga anō hoki ia mutunga, he whai wāhi ki te tuhi anō i tō kōrero i runga i ō ake tikanga."

Thoughts Final

Ko te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e anga whakamua ana i te huarahi i tumanakohia e koe ka uaua pea ki te hinengaro, inā koa mēnā he whāinga nui te marena māu. Ki te kite koe i ngā tohu kāore ia e marena i a koe, he pai ake te kōrero pono ki tō hoa mō te heke mai, kātahi ka whakatau mēnā ka taea e koe te whakarite anō i ō whāinga ki ō tō hoa, mēnā rānei he kōwhiringa pai ake māu te neke atu. Engari me whakatau koe e pai ana ki a koe. Kaua rawa e whakaae ki a koe anō me ō hiahia mai i te ao kia noho noa ki tētahi whanaungatanga nā te mea e kore rawa e tutuki ai tō hiahia. 

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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