Ka taea e te hunga whakahihi te aroha?

E taea ana e te hunga whakahihi te aroha? He pātai tēnei e pā ana ki te hinengaro o te tini o te tangata kua pāngia e ngā tauira aroha whakahihi o te whakaaro nui, te whakaiti i te uara, te maka atu, me te whakahāwea. Ki te mea kei te raru koe i tēnei āhuatanga, kia mōhio koe kāore koe i te mokemoke.

E mārama ana mātou ki te kaha o te mamae o te ngākau me te pōrearea o te whanaungatanga ki tētahi tangata whakahihi. Ā, ka taea e koe te whakapono ko te tangata e mau tonu ana i tēnei pōrearea katoa i roto i tō koiora, kāore e taea te aroha. Heoi, i roto i te ao tūturu, ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha ki tētahi engari he poto noa iho, he papaku noa iho ōna kare ā-roto.

He aha te tikanga o te kupu "pōturi noa, ā, papaku noa iho"? He aha te tikanga o tēnei ki roto i ō rātou whanonga i roto i te whanaungatanga? Hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i ngā whakautu, me titiro hohonu atu tātou ki ngā āhuatanga uaua o te tangata whakahihi i roto i te aroha me te tohunga hinengaro me te Kaiwhakaora Whanoke Hinengaro o California, a Tākuta Shefali Batra (MD i roto i te hinengaro), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō te wehenga me te whakarere, te wehenga me te whakaipoipo, me ngā take hototahi i mua i te marena. Engari tuatahi, me whakarite kia mārama koe ko wai te tangata whakahihi.

Ko wai te tangata whakahihi?

He maha ngā wā ka whakamahia te kupu "narcissist" hei whakamārama i te tangata e hiahia nui ana ki te whakamoemiti me te aro atu, me te wairua whaiaro. Heoi, ehara i te mea ko te katoa e pai ana ki te nui atu i te horopeta hauora o te aroha ki a ia anō he narcissist.

Ko tētahi atu whakaaro hē noa ko te whakaatu i te whanonga whakapehapeha he rite tonu ki te mate hinengaro whakapehapeha (NPD). Heoi, he rerekē rawa atu tēnā i te pono. Kei te noho te whakapehapeha i runga i tētahi whānuitanga, ā, ko te hunga anake kei te pito teitei o tēnei whānuitanga e kiia ana he mate hinengaro whakapehapeha.

E ai ki te Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, putanga 5 (DSM-5) , ka taea te tautuhi i te mate NDP o te tangata mēnā e rima, neke atu rānei, ōna āhuatanga e whai ake nei:

• Ko te whakaaro nui o te hiranga
• Ngā whakaaturanga o te whakapehapeha
• Ngā waiaro me ngā whanonga whakakake
• Te hae ki ētahi atu
• Te kore aroha
• Te whakamahi i ētahi atu hei painga mōna ake
• Te aro nui ki ngā wawata mō te mana mutunga kore, te mātauranga, te ataahua, te angitu rānei
• Te hiahia nui mo te whakamihi
• Te whai mana

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ko te āhua o te whakapehapeha ko te kore whakaaro nui ki a ia anō, te iti o te whakaute ki a ia anō, me te kore e tino mārama ki te tuakiri o ia anō, ā, ka hua ake he tukanga whakaaro koretake, e whakaatuhia ana i waho hei whanonga arotahi ki a ia anō, kore aroha, me te rapu aro."

He mea nui tēnei wehewehenga nā te mea e ai ki tētahi rangahau i arotahi ki te US , 0.5%-5% noa iho o ngā pakeke he NPD. Mēnā he iti noa ngā āhuatanga whakahihi o tētahi tangata, tera pea ka taea tonu e rātou te wheako me te whakapuaki i te aroha tata rite tonu ki tētahi atu tangata. Ā, ki te noho tahi koe me tētahi tangata pēnei, kāore koe e pātai, "Ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha?"

Ae, tera pea ētahi wero whanaungatanga kei te ara. "Heoi, he ngawari rawa ēnei āhuatanga o te hunga kei te pito raro o te whānuitanga o te whakapehapeha ki te pā ki tō rātou kaha ki te aroha ki tētahi atu tangata. I tētahi atu taha, ka aukatihia e ngā āhuatanga NPD te kaha o te tangata ki te aroha ki tētahi atu, i te iti rawa i roto i te huarahi e mārama ana te nuinga o te tangata ki te aroha," te tāpiri a Tākuta Batra.

Nā te mea kua mārama kē mātou ki tēnā, me āwhina koe ki te whakautu i ētahi atu pātai hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere pai ake i tō āhuatanga: Ka taea e te hunga whakahihi te aroha? Me pēhea te whakaatu a te tangata whakahihi i te aroha?

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Me pēhea te mōhio mēnā e aroha ana te tangata whakahihi ki a koe

Kāore i te tino pai te haere tahi o te whakapehapeha me te aroha. Ae, ahakoa te ataahua me te karismatik o te tangata whakapehapeha, tera pea ka miharo koe ki ā rātou mahi whakamiharo me ā rātou whakaaturanga aroha. I taua wā, kāore e puta ake i roto i tō hinengaro ngā pātai pēnei i te aroha o te hunga whakapehapeha, me pēhea rānei te whakaatu a te hunga whakapehapeha i te aroha, nā te mea e whakaaro ana te tangata kei mua i a koe he tino tika, he tino tika hoki.

Heoi, i te haere o ngā tauira aroha whakahihi, ko tēnei wāhanga — e mōhiotia ana ko te whakaaro pai, ā, e tohuhia ana e te aroha-pōma — he poto noa te wā, ā, he mahi whakawhitiwhiti (e whakawhirinaki ana ki te pai me te roa o te wā e whakatutuki ai i tā rātou hiahia mō te whakarato whakahihi). Nā tēnei, he uaua ki a rātou te pupuri i ngā hononga hauora i roto i ō rātou ao, i ngā kare ā-roto pono rānei mō tētahi atu tangata.

Ko te tino take, he mea onge te kite i tētahi tangata whakahihi e hinga ana i te aroha mō ake tonu atu. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te mōhio mēnā e aroha ana tētahi tangata whakahihi ki a koe, pātai atu ki a koe anō:

• E whai whakaaro ana rātou ki ō hiahia me ō kare ā-roto?
• E whakaute ana rātou i a koe?
• E whakaae ana rātou ki te kawenga mō ā rātou mahi?
• Ka taea e rātou te mihi ki a koe?
• E whakahonoretia ana e rātou ō rohe i roto i te whanaungatanga?
• E whakanuia ana e rātou ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto?
• Ā, ko te mea nui, ka taea e rātou te whakatakoto i ō hiahia ki te tuatahi ahakoa i roto i ngā āhuatanga kāore e whiwhi i tetahi utu?

Mena kua whakautua e koe ēnei pātai i te āe, he aroha tō te tangata whakahihi ki a koe. Heoi, e whakatūpato ana a Tākuta Batra, "He iti noa iho te tūponotanga o tēnā mea i te nuinga o te wā nā te mea kāore e taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha ki te kore ia e pai ki te whakatika i ōna whanonga me ōna tauira whakaaro. Me nui te whakaaroaro me te whakaaroaro ki a ia anō, ka taea te taumaha rawa atu, ā, he mea whakamataku hoki mō te tangata whakahihi."

I te nuinga o te wā, he pai ake ki te tangata whakapehapeha te whakamahi i te whakahāwea i a ia anō, te whakamahi i te hauhautanga , me ētahi atu tikanga raweke, kaua e mahi i ngā mahi ā-roto hei watea i ā rātou tauira.

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Ka taea e te hunga whakahihi te aroha?

E taea ana e te hunga whakahihi te aroha? He pātai uaua tēnei hei whakautu nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka whai hua te aroha whakahihi, pērā i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō rātou oranga, ā, he tawhiti rawa atu i ngā ariā o ngā hononga whai tikanga me ngā whanaungatanga hauora e honoa ana e ētahi atu ki te aroha.

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ko te raruraru mō te hunga whakahihi e kaha ana ki te aroha i ahu mai i te mea kua kī tonu tā rātou kapu aroha hei tuku. Ko rātou anake e aroha ana ki a rātou anō. Ko te kore o te aroha i ngā rā tōmua o te ao, inā koa mai i ngā kaitiaki [mātua] ka uaua ai rātou i roto i ō rātou oranga kia rongo me te whakaaetia. Ka mahi rātou mai i te wāhi ngoikore."

"Ki te tirohia mai i te tirohanga whanaketanga, he tika te aroha ki a rātou anō nā te mea kāore i riro mai i a rātou i tētahi atu. Engari i te ao tūturu, he mea koretake, he mea kāore e whakaaetia, he mea koretake hoki. Nō reira ka tahuri rātou ki te hunga e manaaki ana i a rātou - koia te take e kukume pinepine ai te hunga aroha me te hunga whakapehapeha tetahi ki tetahi - engari he whanaungatanga tauhokohoko noa iho, ehara i te aroha pono e kitea ana e koe i hea atu."

"Ka hoatu e rātou te manaaki me te aro ki a rātou, engari i te wā e whakahē ana tēnei mea e arohaina ana ki a rātou, e kore rānei e whāngai i ō rātou ego, ka tino whakakahoretia rātou e rātou, ā, ka pōuri hoki i roto." Nō reira, hei whakautu i tāu pātai — he kaha te tangata whakahihi ki te aroha? — ehara i te mea i roto i te tikanga tūturu o te kupu. Ka whakarārangihia e Tākuta Batra ngā take e kore ai e taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha ki tētahi atu tangata me te ngākau katoa:

• Kāore rātou e aro ki tētahi, e piri tata ana rānei ki tētahi, nā te mea kāore ō rātou roro i rite ki te mahi pēnā
• Kāore e taea e rātou te titiro ki tua atu i ō rātou ake hiahia
• He tino kaha rawa tō rātou wairua tiaki i a rātou anō, ā, nā te nui o tō rātou mataara me te uruparenga kare ā-roto ki te whakakorenga ka tino hihiko rātou.
• Nā ngā tauira mahi ā-roto kore haumaru, ka whakaaro rātou he koretake, he kore rānei e hiahiatia
• Kāore e tino whakamarie i ngā āhuatanga kāore rātou i te pokapū o te aro

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"Mēnā he tangata whakahihi kei te aroha ki a koe, kei te kī rānei kei te aroha ia ki a koe, kia taea ai e koe te aromatawai i te pono o ōna kare ā-roto, me titiro koe ki tua atu i āna kupu — he tikanga anō tā rātou ki te kōrero — me te tirotiro me pēhea tā rātou mahi ki a koe. Mēnā he pono tā rātou mahi ki a koe me te whakaute, te manaaki, me te aro nui, tera pea he momo kare ā-roto kei a rātou mōu," tāna tāpiri.

Hei whakamutunga, ko te pūtake o tēnei ko te mea ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha ki tētahi atu tangata, engari ehara i te aroha pono, mutunga kore e rite ki tāu e tumanako ai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga piripono. Kāore e taea e rātou te aroha pono ki tētahi.

He aha te whakaaro o te tangata whakapehapeha ki te aroha?

E ai ki tā mātou kōrero, ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha engari ka taea te whakapohehe i tōna whakaaro mō te āhua o te aroha. E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Kāore he ariā o te tauutuutu i roto i te aroha whakahihi. Mō te tangata whakahihi, he huarahi te aroha ki te rapu whakamana ā-waho hei whakanui ake i tōna whakaaro ki a ia anō, hei whakapai ake hoki i a ia anō. Ka haere tonu rātou ki te wheako i tā rātou e whakapono nei he aroha, mena ka tutukihia tēnei hiahia. Koia te take he onge te kite i te tangata whakahihi e hinga tonu ana ki te aroha."

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha?", kia mōhio koe ko tā rātou e kite nei he aroha e hangai ana ki ā rātou tauira whānui o te hiahia kia arohia, te whakanui i a ia anō, me te whakamoemiti. Ko te aroha o te tangata whakahihi, i te mutunga, koia ēnei:

• Te whakaaro tika e meinga ai rātou kia whakaaro he tika te aroha ki a rātou
• Te hiahia kia whakanuia mutunga kore e ō rātou hoa
• Ngā whakaaturanga nui o te aroha me ngā whakapuakitanga o te aroha mutunga kore, kāore he hononga whai tikanga
• He kare ā-roto whakahihiri e pai ai te noho tahi me rātou anō

Ko te hua o tēnei he here papaku, e whakatakoto ana i te ara mō tētahi hononga taha-kotahi, ā, he paitini hoki i te whanaketanga o te whanaungatanga.

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Me pēhea te whakaatu a te tangata whakahihi i te aroha?

He aroha te hunga whakahihi? Ae, ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te tino aroha, te ātaahua, te whakakore i te riri, me te aroha, inā koa i te tīmatanga o te aroha. Engari ka taea e te tangata whakahihi te aroha? Ki taku whakaaro, i nāianei kua mōhio koe ko te whakautu ki taua pātai he kāo mārama, he koretake - i te iti rawa, mena kei te titiro koe ki tā rātou māramatanga me te whakaaturanga o te aroha mai i te tirohanga o te āhua o te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga hauora.

He mea nui kia mōhio ki tēnei hononga i waenga i te whakapehapeha me te aroha, kia kore ai e riro i te huarahi e whakaatu ai te tangata whakapehapeha i te aroha. E ai ki a Tākuta Batra, kei roto i tēnei:

• Te hiahia nui kia arohaina, kia whakanuia hoki e ō rātou hoa aroha
• Te whakahaere aroha mā roto i ngā whakaaturanga nui o te aroha
• Te whakapōrearea i te aroha ki ō rātou hoa
• Te whakanui i a rātou me ngā koha me ngā mihi
• Te kōrero tonu i ngā mea tika i te wā tika hei whakawai me te whakakore i ngā patu

Ko te hua o tēnei he whanaungatanga kare ā-roto e uaua ana ki te pupuri, ka hua ake he piki me he heke nui. E kī ana tētahi rangahau i whakaputaina i roto i te Journal of Personality and Social Psychology koinei te take matua e kore ai e angitu te hunga whakapehapeha i ngā whanaungatanga roa , pumau, engari tera pea ka tino pai i ngā whanaungatanga poto.

Me aha koe mēnā kei te aroha koe ki tētahi tangata whakahihi

Ko te noho tahi me te tangata whakahihi me te harikoa he rite ki te whakakī i tētahi peere ki tētahi kōhao nui i raro. Ki te aroha koe ki tētahi tangata whakahihi, ko te tiaki i a koe anō te mea nui rawa atu māu, ā, ka tīmata tēnā mā te mārama ko te aroha pono ehara i te mea whai hua ki a koe anō, ehara i te mea whakamahi kino, ehara i te hae, ehara hoki i te whakapehapeha. Engari ina noho koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi tangata whakahihi, koinā te mea ka riro i a koe i runga i te ingoa o te aroha. Kī tonu i te paitini, te raruraru, me te mamae. Nā te mea ina mōhio te tangata whakahihi kei te aroha koe ki a ia, koinā te take ka tukuna e rātou te whānuitanga katoa o ō rātou āhua paitini ki a koe.

Tērā pea ka kitea koe kei te taha o te whakahāngai hau, te pōma aroha, te tinihanga, tae noa ki te tukino. Mena kua piki haere te āhuatanga ki te taumata tukino, me rapu awhina koe.

Mena kei roto koe i te mōrearea tonu, waea atu ki te 9-1-1.
Mō te āwhina huna, huna hoki, 24/7, tēnā waea atu ki te National Domestic Violence Hotline i te 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) i te 1-800-787-3224 rānei (TTY).

Heoi, ki te mea kua kitea wawetia e koe ngā āhua whakahihi o tō hoa, tera pea ētahi huarahi hei whakatere i te whanaungatanga me te whakaiti i te kino ka pā ki a koe. Ahakoa kāore pea i te tino pono te tumanako ka taea e koe te noho tahi me te tangata whakahihi me te harikoa, ka taea e ēnei mahi te āwhina i a koe ki te tiaki i a koe anō:

• Whakaritehia nga rohe: He mea nui te whakatū me te whakamana i ngā nga rohe whanaungatanga hauora ina kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi tangata whakahihi. Ki te mahia wawetia, ka taea e tēnei te āwhina nui ki te tiaki i a koe mai i te tukino whakahihi
• Whakaakohia te tiaki whaiaro: Kaua e ngaro i a koe anō i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te hiahia o tō hoa ki te whakamoemiti, ki te aro, me te whakanui he poka mutunga kore. Me tautuhi anō koe i ia wā, i ia wā, me arotake anō i ō kaupapa matua, me te aro anō ki a koe anō.
• Whakaakohia koe: Ko te mōhiotanga me te māramatanga ki ngā āhuatanga e pā ana ki a koe te huarahi pai ki te whawhai atu ki tēnei mate. Akohia kia rite ki ngā mea katoa e taea ana e koe mō te mate hinengaro whakahihi me ōna pānga ki ngā whanaungatanga. Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te aro atu ki ngā raruraru whanaungatanga ina puta mai.
• Rapua he tohutohu: He nui rawa te pānga o te aroha ki tētahi tangata whakahihi me te mamae o te ngākau. Mā te rongoā hinengaro koe e tūhura i ngā kare ā-roto maha e raru ana koe, e tukatuka hoki i aua kare ā-roto. He tino whai hua te tukanga nei hei āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ō ake pūtake, ki te whakawhanake i ngā pūkenga ki te aro atu ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe, me te kimi i tāu e hiahia ana māu ake.
• Whakatenatenahia tō hoa rangatira kia rapu āwhina: He mate hinengaro nui te NPD e hiahia ana ki te maimoatanga tika me te āwhina. Heoi, ko te hunga e pāngia ana e tēnei mate kāore e tuwhera ki te whakaaro ki te rapu āwhina nā te mea kāore rātou i te rite ki te whakaae kei te hē tetahi mea kei a rātou. Ahakoa kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i tō hoa ki te tiki i te āwhina e hiahiatia ana e rātou, he mea āwhina te whakatenatena i a rātou ki te rapu mā te whakataurite i tēnei whakaaro ki a rātou.

I te katoa, kāore e pai te hononga o te whakapehapeha me te aroha. Mena i haere mai koe ki konei me te tumanako ki tētahi whakautu rerekē ki te pātai "Ka taea e te hunga whakapehapeha te aroha", e mihi ana mātou mō te whakapōrearea i a koe. Engari ko te whakatuwhera i ō kanohi ki te mooni o te āhuatanga he mea tino nui kia taea ai e koe te whakatau i te mea pai rawa atu. Ā, koinā te take i konei ai mātou. Hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i ngā whakautu me te huarahi whakamua ahakoa ngā āhuatanga tino pōuri o te ao.

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Te Whakakite i te Tangata Whakahīhī - Ngā Mea Me Mōhio Koe

He aha ngā tauira o te whanonga whakapehapeha i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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