13 Anzanu Amene Ali ndi Zopindulitsa Malire Amene Ayenera Kutsatiridwa

Zimanenedwa kuti zonse zili bwino m'chikondi ndi nkhondo. Koma kuti ubale uliwonse ugwire ntchito, payenera kukhala malire oti anthu onse azilemekeza ndi kutsatira. Malire a abwenzi ndi mapindu alipo chifukwa chomwechi. Ndizovuta kupeza chikondi chenicheni, osati kupeza zambiri zogonana - koma kupeza mosavuta kugonana mu chiyanjano sikutanthauza kuti simukuyika malire. Malamulowa ndi zokambirana zovuta zimakuthandizani kupeŵa zovuta za kudzipereka ndi mantha a kusweka mtima pamene mukuonetsetsa kuti mukugonana.

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa CBT, REBT, ndi uphungu wa mabanja, anatithandiza kuwunika momwe ubale ulili ndi ubwino. Iye anati, “Mukakhala mabwenzi ndi ubwino, zikutanthauza kuti mumalowa muubwenzi wogonana, koma simukondana kapena mulibe mapulani amtsogolo ngati banja.”

13 Anzanu Amene Ali ndi Zopindulitsa Malire Amene Ayenera Kutsatiridwa

Mungaganize kuti n’kosavuta kugonana ndi usiku n’kumaona ngati kuti palibe chimene chinachitika m’mawa mwake. Mutha kuganiza kuti kukambirana kungapangitse kuti zikhale zazikulu kuposa momwe zilili. Koma popanda kukambirana, mukhoza kumangokhalira kutengeka nazo. Mafunso ngati awa si achilendo pamabwalo azibwenzi:

“Kodi anzanu amene amapindula nawo amacheza tsiku lililonse?”

“Kodi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu amayendera limodzi?”

"Kodi anyamata amasamala za FWB yawo?"

"Zosayenera kuchita muubwenzi ndi abwenzi?"

Anthu nthawi zambiri amadabwa ngati ubale wa mabwenzi ndi zabwino umagwiradi ntchito . Koma, mphamvu ya mabwenzi ndi zabwino imagwira ntchito bwino kwa anthu omwe ali ndi chikoka chimodzi, ndipo onse awiri amadziwa kuti sakugwirizana pachibwenzi kapena sakupezeka. Komabe, n'zotheka kukhala ndi malingaliro mukakhala pafupi kwambiri. Ndipo ngati malingaliro awa sakubwezeredwa, ndiye kuti wina adzavulala. Mila Kunis ndi Justin Timberlake adawonetsa izi bwino mu Friends With Benefits . Chifukwa chake, tiyeni tiwone mozama malire a mabwenzi ndi zabwino omwe ayenera kusungidwa kuti apindule onse awiri:

1. Muyenera kukhala patsamba lomwelo

Nandita anati, “Muyenera kukambirana za ubale wanu ndi mnzanuyo ndi ubwino wake. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti kulankhulanako kumveke bwino bwino zomwe mukuchita. N’zotheka kwambiri kuti ngati zinthu sizikumveka bwino pakati pa anthu awiriwa, ndiye kuti angakhale ndi ziyembekezo zosiyana kuchokera kwa wina ndi mnzake.”

Nonse nonse muyenera kutsimikiza kuti mutha kugonana mwachisawawa, osagonana. Ngati mmodzi wa inu ali ndi chitsanzo kumene muli ndi vuto kulekanitsa chikondi ndi kugonana, izo sizingakhale lingaliro labwino ndiye. Ngati mukulitsa malingaliro a bwenzi lanu ndi zopindulitsa ndikuyembekeza kuti abweza chifukwa choti mwagona naye, ndiye ponyani Mills & Boons nthawi yomweyo zomwe zidakupatsani lingaliro lopenga. Ndi njira chabe ya tsoka. Kuchotsa, ngati wamba si chinthu chanu. Mudzipulumutsa nokha misozi.

2. Zotetezedwa ndi malire

Palibe amene akuyembekezera kuti mupange Fifty Shades of Grey NDA yokhudza malire ofewa, koma nonse awiri muyenera kudziwa komwe kuli malire a abwenzi omwe ali ndi ubwino. Khazikitsani zomwe mungathe komanso zomwe simungathe kuzilekerera. Malamulo a FWB otumizirana mauthenga kapena malamulo a pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti akhoza kukhala poyambira posankha zomwe zingakambidwe kapena zomwe sizingakambidwe, kapena momwe mukufuna kuti ubale wanu ukhale wowonekera. Komanso, mutha kusankha malamulo otumizirana mauthenga a FWB, monga "Palibe aliyense wa ife amene adzatumiza moni wa tsikulo kapena mphatso zachikondi za tsiku la Valentine ". Mofananamo, mutha kusankha malo omwe mungasangalale kukumana nawo, komanso kangati pa sabata kapena mwezi womwe mukufuna kukhala pachibwenzi.

Gwiritsani ntchito mawu otetezeka kusonyeza kuti akuwoloka mzere. Mwachitsanzo, 'yellow mbendera' ngati muyamba kumverera kuti mwathedwa nzeru muubwenzi, kapena 'bendera yofiira' ngati mizere ina yayikulu idawoloka ndipo mukufunika nthawi yopuma. Ngakhale zimamveka ngati ntchito, zimathandiza kupewa kusweka mtima kulikonse pambuyo pake.

3. Musalole kuti izi zisokoneze gulu lanu

Ngati nonse muli ndi anzanu wamba, pali mwayi waukulu kuti nawonso angakhudzidwe. Osalowa nawo pazokambirana zanu zazabwino pokhapokha ngati mumakonda kupuma movutirapo pomwe aliyense akuganiza kuti muli maliseche. Musamayembekezere kuti nawonso atenga mbali, ngati zinthu zitafika poipa. Bwinobwino lithetsa gululo. Choyipa chachikulu, Lily Aldrin wa gulu lanu adzakusokonezani nonse kukhala pachibwenzi chomwe palibe wa inu amene amafuna. 

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4. Kambiranani amene ayenera kudziwa

Kulengeza ubale wa FWB popanda kukambirana ndi okondedwa wanu si lingaliro labwino. Ganizirani ngati udindo wanu muubwenzi kulemekeza zinsinsi za FWB yanu. Nandita anati: “Kuchita zinthu mwanzeru n’kofunika kwambiri chifukwa si aliyense amene angamvetse ubwenzi woterewu.

Ili ndi limodzi mwa malamulo oti mulumbire kuti anzanu ndi abwino . Musayese malire a anzanu ndi abwino powatcha anzanu achiwerewere pamene winayo sakukhutira ndi dzina limenelo. Kapena popatsa anthu ena lingaliro lolakwika lakuti nonse awiri muli pachibwenzi. Pewani kuuza banja lanu ngati ndi anthu achikhalidwe. Anthu amakonda lingaliro la chibwenzi ndipo posachedwa ayamba kukunyozani kapena kukunyozani mnzanu. Kuphatikiza apo, anthu akhoza kuweruza. Kuwonekera kwa ubale wa FWB kungabweretsere munthu kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, samalani ndi amene mumauza za momwe mumakhalira.

5. Pewani kudalira maganizo

Monga mliri. Ogwiritsa ntchito Reddit amatsatira izi ndipo amagogomezera kwambiri kupewa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro. Mungakhale ndi tsiku loipa, koma ngati wina abwera ndi maluwa ndi kukumbatirana pafupi nanu, zimamveka bwino kwambiri. Koma muubwenzi wamba, zitha kukhala zosokoneza kwambiri. Musachite chilichonse chomwe chingamveke molakwika. Pewani zinthu zomwe zingakhale chizolowezi, monga kugona pafupi ndi wina ndi mnzake kapena chakudya chamadzulo choyatsidwa ndi makandulo. Ingokhalani ngati mnzanu wamba amene angabweretse mowa ndikukupemphani kuti mulipire gawo lanu.

Pofuna kupewa kuphwanya malire a m’maganizo, Nandita anati: “Ngati munalankhulana kuti simukondana, ndiye kuti mwaikirana malire kapena malamulo.

6. Kugonana kotetezeka kumagonjetsa zonse

Mukalowa muubwenzi wa FWB, ndi bwino kupewa kudzipereka. Sizingakhale bwino ngati mutatenga mimba. Chifukwa zimenezo ndi kudzipereka kwakukulu. Ndipo, sikotetezeka kugonana ndi matenda opatsirana pogonana . Malire a anzanu omwe ali ndi ubwino ayenera kuganiziridwa kuti si aliyense amene ali ndi mkazi mmodzi. Choncho, yesetsani kugwiritsa ntchito makondomu nthawi iliyonse mukagonana.

7. Sichiyanjano chokha

Mukamalankhula za malire a mabwenzi omwe ali ndi ubwino, tsimikizani kuti mphamvu zanu sizingalepheretse aliyense wa inu kuonana ndi anthu ena, kapena kukhala pachibwenzi chodzipereka ndi wina. Ndi ubale wosiyana ndipo uwu sungaganizidwe ngati chinyengo. Mungalankhule kapena musalankhule za anthu ena omwe mumawaona. Ngati mukumva nsanje, yomwe ndi malingaliro abwinobwino, lankhulani za iyo mwanjira yabwino, yopanda kuweruza, komanso yaulemu. Koma ngati mukupitirizabe kumva nsanje ndipo simukuchita bwino nayo, ndiye kuti muyembekezere kuti winayo akutsekereni nthawi yomweyo.

8. Kuvomereza akadali mfumukazi

Malire a mabwenzi ndi mapindu amateteza munthu kuti asachite nawo zinthu zomwe sakuzifuna. Kumbukirani, ubale wamba sumasulira kukhala maphwando osayimitsa. Mwina onjezerani kuti pamalamulo anu otumizirana mameseji FWB - kulumikizana ndi cholinga chomveka musanafike pamalo awo. Chifukwa nthawi zina amangofuna kucheza. Ndipo palibe cholakwika ndi zimenezo bola ngati si zachikondi kapena zosasangalatsa. Komanso, musagwiritse ntchito kugonana ngati nyambo kapena kukana ngati njira yolanga. Osaumirira maliseche kapena kutumiza osawapempha. Zikhale zosangalatsa kwa aliyense ndipo musapange masewera.

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9. Chitani ma check-ins nthawi zonse

Anthu amadzifunsa kuti, “Kodi mabwenzi amene amapindula nawo amalankhula tsiku lililonse?” Iwo amachita zimenezi nthawi ndi nthawi, popeza akadali mabwenzi. Ndikofunikira kuti mufufuze ndi FWB yanu ngati akusangalalabe ndi dongosololi kapena ngati akufuna kufufuzanso ubalewo. Nandita anati: “Ganizirani maganizo anu ndi mmene mukumvera mumtima mwanu, ndipo mukaona kuti zimene mukufuna kukhala nazo n’zoposa ubwenzi ndi mapindu, m’pofunika kuti muzilankhulana ndi mnzanuyo.” Mwina mungakhumudwe kapena mungakhumudwe ngati simukumveranso chisoni.

Pitirizani kuyang'ana zizindikiro zilizonse zosayenera kunyalanyaza , monga kuyimbira foni pafupipafupi, kuyitanidwa ku chakudya chamadzulo, mphatso, ndi zina zotero zomwe zimakuuzani ngati akuyamba kukukondani. Ndi bwinonso kukambirana ngati mmodzi wa inu asankha kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi kapena mkazi m'modzi muubwenzi wanu wodzipereka kapena akuyamba kusasangalala ndi mgwirizano pazifukwa zina zilizonse.

10. Sungani ubwenzi wanu m'chipinda chogona

Yesetsani kusunga zochitika zonse zachikondi mkati mwa chipinda chogona, kapena malo achinsinsi omwe nonse mumasankha. Mutha kupita kunja, kukadya chakudya chamadzulo, ndikusangalala ndi kupanga nthawi zambiri, koma mukamachita kunja kwa mapepala, malire a abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu amasokonekera mu ubale wodzipereka. Zitha kukhala zosokoneza. Kuphatikiza apo, palibe amene amafuna kugwira anzawo akupsompsonana mwachidwi pomwe akunena kuti sizovuta. Zovuta kwambiri.

11. Osachitenga mopepuka

Mungafunse, kodi abwenzi omwe ali ndi ubwino amagwira ntchito limodzi? Kapena, kodi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu amapita limodzi? Kapena, kodi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu amayendera limodzi? Inde, amatero. Monga abwenzi okhazikika, osati okonda. Zonse zimamveka bwino ndipo ndinu mwayi ngati muli ndi makonzedwe awa ndi wina. Osamangoganiza kuti kukhalapo kwa mnzanu m'moyo wanu kumakhala kosatha. Musaganize chimodzimodzi za chilakolako chawo. Ngakhale atavomereza kugonana popanda zingwe, chimenecho sindicho pangano la kupirira pakamwa ponunkha kapena kusowa ukhondo. Ngati mukuvomera kugonana, dzikonzekereni monga momwe mungachitire ndi munthu amene mukufuna. Kumbukirani, kuchita mwachisawawa sikutanthauza kusasamala.

12. Yembekezerani zomwe mwagwirizana;

Anthu nthawi zambiri amafunsa kuti, “Kodi anyamata amasamala za chibwenzi chawo?” Inde, amasamala. Ndi mabwenzi. Koma kusamalirana muubwenzi wachikondi n’kosiyana ndi kusamalirana ngati bwenzi. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amachenjeza za momwe mabwenzi amakhalira ndi ubwino chifukwa zingayambitse kusweka mtima mosavuta kuposa ubale wachikhalidwe. Kawirikawiri, ndi bwino kuyembekezera zochepa chabe. Khalani mkati mwa malire a mabwenzi ndi ubwino ndipo simudzakhumudwa.

13. Pangani ndondomeko yotuluka mwaulemu

Muyenera kukhala oona mtima kwa wina ndi mnzake kuti mgwirizanowu udzatha ngati mmodzi wa inu adzipereka ku chibwenzi cha mkazi mmodzi, kapena chifukwa chakuti simukugonananso mofanana . Kapena muzochitika zoyipa kwambiri, mumasiya kukhala mabwenzi abwino chifukwa mumapwetekana ndipo simulinso mabwenzi. Chifukwa chake, mukayamba chibwenzi, muyenera kukhala ndi chidziwitso cha momwe nonse mudzachitire mukatha, kuti mupewe chisokonezo chilichonse chosafunikira. Ndipo tsatirani izi.

Nandita akuti, "Ngati mwakhazikitsa malamulo ena muubwenzi wanu, ndipo ngati wina wa inu sangathe kutsatira zomwe mwasankha, n'zoonekeratu kuti sizikuyenda bwino. Ndi mtundu waubwenzi woopsa ndipo umagwira ntchito pakanthawi kochepa. Monga aliyense payekha, ndife osiyana ndipo sitingathe kulamulira maganizo athu motsatira lamulo. mnzanu ndikusankha ngati mukufuna kupita patsogolo kapena kuthetsa."

Ngakhale anthu amakonda kuyang'ana kwambiri gawo la 'phindu' la ubale wa FWB, ndikuganiza kuti mawu ofunikira apa ndi 'bwenzi'. Chifukwa uku sikulumikizana komwe mumakumana ndi mlendo mwachisawawa ndipo osawawona pambuyo pake. Uyu ndi munthu amene mumamudziwa bwino komanso ndi anzanu. Malingana ngati mumvetsetsa malire a anzanu-ndi-mapindu, ubalewu ukhoza kugwira ntchito. Ngati sichoncho, ubale wa FWB ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri. Ndipo zimenezo ndithudi sizopindulitsa.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.