Mtsikana Wanga Anakana Pempho Langa: Nditani?

Kukumana ndi chikwati chokanidwa kungamve ngati chivomezi chaumwini, kugwedeza maziko a ubale. Mwina mungadzifunse kuti, “Mtsikana wanga wamkazi anakana. Kodi sakundikondanso?” kapena “Kodi ubale ungapulumuke ngati wakanidwa?” Ngakhale ndizosavuta kusuntha, ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti "ayi" pamalingaliro anu sikutanthauza "ayi" paubwenzi wanu. Maubwenzi ndi ovuta, ndipo momwemonso malingaliro ozungulira mphindi yosintha moyo monga kufunsira ukwati. 

Kumvetsetsa momwe kufunsira kwalephera komanso kuphunzira kuvomereza kukanidwa mwaulemu kungathandize inu ndi mnzanuyo kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe zachitika, komanso kukhala amphamvu. Kuti tipeze uphungu wa akatswiri pa mutuwu, tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California ndi katswiri wodziwa khalidwe lachidziwitso, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD mu psychiatry), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa uphungu wa kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi, komanso nkhani zogwirizanitsa anthu asanakwatirane. Tiyeni tilowe mwakuya mu kuzindikira kwake.

Kodi Ubale Ukhoza Kupulumuka Pempho Lokanidwa?

Inde, zingatheke. Ngakhale palibe deta yeniyeni yokhudza kuchuluka kwa mapempho omwe amakanidwa, kafukufuku adapeza kuti 31% ya maanja omwe adatenga nawo mbali adapitilizabe chibwenzi atakanidwa. Taganizirani chitsanzo chodziwika bwino kuchokera ku Friends , pomwe Monica adafunsira Chandler. Kuopa kwake koyamba kudawononga chilichonse, koma ndi nthawi ndi kuleza mtima, ubale wawo unakula kwambiri. Mfundo ndi yakuti, ndi chikondi ndi kulankhulana momasuka , mutha kupulumuka kukanidwa kumeneku monga momwe zinthu zilili zovuta muubwenzi. Umu ndi momwe mungadziwire ngati ubale wanu uli ndi mwayi pambuyo poti pempho lalephera:

Tsegulani zizindikiro za chidwi

Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti, “Ngati bwenzi lanu lakana pempho lanu koma akupitiriza kuseka nthabwala zanu kapena kukhalabe ndi maganizo abwino, ndi chizindikiro chakuti akadali ndi ndalama zambiri.” Nthabwala za momwe zinthu zilili (mwachitsanzo, kunena mwanthabwala zakukanidwa) kungasonyezenso kuti ali wokonzeka kupita patsogolo.

Kulemekeza malo

Ngati akukulolani kuti muthane ndi vutoli popanda kukakamizidwa, zimasonyeza ulemu kwa onse awiri — chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pomanganso chidaliro. Monga momwe Monica adapatsira Chandler nthawi yomvetsetsa momwe akumvera — malo amatha kuchira.

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Kuyanjana kwatsiku ndi tsiku kumakhalabe kotheka

Ngati mukutumizirana mauthenga a m'mawa, kugawana nthabwala zamkati, ndi kukambirana za tsiku la wina ndi mnzake, ubale wanu waukulu udakalipo. Dr. Batra akulangiza kuti, "Ngati chibwenzi chanu chili bwino ndi vutoli, yesetsani kuti musachite manyazi kuchokera kumbali yanu. Ngati mukufuna nthawi yocheza nokha, lankhulani momveka bwino popanda kupusitsa kapena kungokhala chete ."

Kufunitsitsa kukambirana momasuka

Ngakhale kuti kukanidwaku kukuwoneka ngati kuluma pakali pano, kungakhale dalitso lodzibisa. Ngati nonse muli okonzeka kukambirana moona mtima za zomwe mukuyembekezera, momwe mukumvera, komanso zolinga zamtsogolo zaubwenzi, chimenecho ndi chizindikiro chabwino kwambiri. Kukambiranaku kungapangitse ubale wanu kukhala wolimba kwambiri kuposa kale.

Mwachitsanzo, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu adagawana nkhani ya mwamuna yemwe anakanidwa ndi chifukwa chake. "Ndikudziwa mwamuna yemwe anafunsira mkazi wake asanapite ku ntchito. Anamuwuza kuti ayi, chifukwa ankaganiza kuti chifukwa chachikulu chomwe anafunsira chinali chakuti ankaganiza kuti angamwalire, zomwe zinali pang'ono. Patatha miyezi 9, anabwerera, akufunabe kukwatirana, kotero anakwatirana, kenako anakwatirana, ndipo tsopano patatha zaka 9 ndi ana awiri, akuyenda bwino."

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Kodi Kuyankha Kolakwika Pakufunsira Kumakhudza Bwanji Ubale?

Kuyankha molakwika pa pempho la ukwati, makamaka pankhani ya pempho la ukwati , kungamveke ngati muli pamavuto muubwenzi. Mnzanu m'modzi akhoza kukhala kuti anaganiza za tsogolo limodzi, lodzaza ndi maloto ndi malonjezo ofanana, pomwe winayo sangakhale pa tsamba limodzi. Nthawi imeneyi ingayambitse chisokonezo chamaganizo, koma kumvetsetsa zotsatira zake ndikuzithetsa mosamala kungathandize onse awiri kudutsa mu kusatsimikizika. Umu ndi momwe kukana pempho la ukwati kumakhudzira maubwenzi ndi momwe maanja angathanirane ndi zotsatira zake.

Kawonedwe ka wofunsira

Dr. Batra ananenanso kuti: “Munthu amene akufunafuna chibwenzi nthawi zambiri amaika mtima wake pampando, choncho ngati akanidwa akhoza kumva ngati walephera kapena wachita manyazi. 

• Mwachitsanzo, wofunsayo angazengereze kuyambitsa kukambirana mozama, kuopa kukananso kukana kapena kusapeza bwino.

Kawonedwe ka wokana

Pofotokoza maganizo a wokanayo, Dr Batra akufotokoza kuti: “Munthu amene akukana pempholi angadzimve kuti ndi wolakwa chifukwa chomupweteka kapena kukayikira, ngakhale kuti zimene wasankhazo n’zozikidwa pazifukwa zomveka monga kukonzekereratu kapena kusunga nthawi yake.” Akhoza kuda nkhawa kuti “ayi” wawo angakhudze bwanji tsogolo la ubale wawo.

Mnzanga Grace nayenso anakumanapo ndi vuto ngati limeneli. Nazi zimene ananena kwa ine: “Ndimamukonda, ndipo ndimamva chisoni kwambiri kuti akundipweteka mtima chifukwa cha ine, koma ndikuona ngati ndachedweratu kuti ndiyambe kuganiza zokwatira kapena kukwatiwa.

Kuyanjana kosautsa

Pambuyo poti pempho la ukwati lakanidwa, kulankhulana mopanda nzeru kungakhale kovuta kapena kolemekeza kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, zomwe kale zinali zosangalatsa kukambirana zokhudza mapulani a tchuthi kapena zochitika za kumapeto kwa sabata tsopano zitha kumveka ngati zovuta kapena zosatsimikizika.

• Mwachitsanzo, mutha kuwona nkhani zing'onozing'ono zomwe zikulowa m'malo mwa zokambirana zabwino pamene onse awiri akulankhula molunjika pamutu wokanidwa.

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Kuopa kukonzekera mtsogolo

Ubwenzi ukhoza kuyambitsa mantha okonzekera zam'tsogolo. Wofunsayo angapewe kukambirana zolinga zanthawi yayitali, osatsimikiza ngati zikugwirizana, pomwe wokanayo angazengereze kubweretsa mitu yamtsogolo kuti apewe kusamvana.

Khalidwe limasintha

Onse awiri atha kupanga mtunda wamalingaliro kapena thupi mosazindikira, osadziwa momwe angayendetsere kukanidwa. Izi zitha kuwoneka motere:

• Manja achikondi ochepa
• Zachepa nthawi yabwino
• Kupewa mitu yokhudzana ndi kudzipereka

Malangizo 11 Omwe Mungavomereze Kukanidwa Ndi Kusunga Ubale Wanu

Kukanidwa kungapweteke, makamaka ngati kuli kwaumwini, monga momwe zilili pofunsira ukwati. Komabe, njira yanu yopitira patsogolo kuchoka pa kukanidwa ikhoza kupanga kapena kuwononga tsogolo la ubale wanu. Chofunika kwambiri ndikuchita zinthu mwaulemu, moleza mtima, komanso mwanzeru. Ngati mukufunsa kuti, “Chibwenzi changa chakana pempho langa—ndiye chiyani tsopano?”, nayi njira yolandirira kukanidwa ndikumanganso ubalewo pamodzi.

1. Khalani ozizira

Dokotala Batra akulangiza kuti, “N’zachibadwa kukhumudwa mukakana pempho lanu, koma kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso kungapangitse mnzanuyo kuiwala. Yankhani modekha ndipo, ngati n’koyenera, gwiritsani ntchito nthabwala kuti muchepetse kupsinjika maganizo.” Mwachitsanzo, kunena kuti, “Chabwino, zikuwoneka kuti ndidzakhala ndi Lachisanu ndekha!” kungasonyeze kuti ndinu wokhwima komanso wotetezeka. Kusonyeza kuti mungathe kuthana ndi kukanidwa mwaulemu kumalimbitsa kukhazikika kwanu kwa maganizo.

2. Apatseni mpata

Kukanidwa sikutanthauza kuti chibwenzi chatha, koma kuchulukitsira mnzanu kungayambitse mavuto osafunikira. Lemekezani malire awo ndikuwapatsa nthawi yoti achite. Kupatsa mpata kumasonyeza kukhwima ndipo kumathandiza mnzanuyo kumva kuti ali otetezeka kuti awunikenso maganizo awo popanda kukakamizidwa.

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3. Chepetsani kukakamiza

Pewani kufunsa mafunso ngati, "N'chifukwa chiyani yankho lanu linali lakuti ayi?" kapena “Ndinalakwika kuti?” Kukambitsirana kumeneku kungamveke ngati kulakwa ndipo kumayambitsa mkwiyo. M'malo mwake, yang'anani kusunga kulumikizana kwanu monga momwe zilili pano. Inde, muyenera kuyankhula, koma siziyenera kuchitika nthawi yomweyo ndipo mafunso safunikira kulunjika.

4. Khalani okoma mtima ndi ochirikiza

Kukanidwa kungakupangitseni kumva kuti muli kutali, koma kubwerezabwereza kukoma mtima kumakumbutsa mnzanu makhalidwe anu. Kaya ndi kuthandiza pa ntchito, kumvetsera nkhawa zawo, kapena kugawana meme yoseketsa, zochita zazing'ono zothandizira zingathandize kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba. Adzawona mnzanu amene adamukonda, osati munthu amene amakwiya ndi kukanidwa.

5. Osasewera mlandu

Kukanidwa sikutanthauza kuti wina ndiye wolakwa. Zitha kungowonetsa nthawi yolakwika kapena kukonzekera kwamalingaliro. Kuganizira chifukwa chake yankho la funsoli linali lakuti “ayi” kungayambitse kudziimba mlandu kapena kuipidwa kosafunikira. M’malo mwake, vomerezani kukhala chitokoso chogawana nacho, osati kulephera kwanu.

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6. Tsegulani, pang'ono chabe

Kusatetezeka ndikofunikira kwambiri pomanganso chidaliro . Fotokozani zakukhosi kwanu popanda kufooketsa mnzanu. Mwachitsanzo, kunena kuti, “Ndinakhumudwa, koma ndikusangalala kuti tidakali limodzi,” kumasonyeza kuona mtima popanda kudzaza maganizo. Izi zimasunga zokambiranazo momasuka ndipo zimasonyeza kuti mumayamikira ubalewo.

7. Onetsani mtengo wanu mwakachetechete

Zochita zimalankhula mokweza kuposa mawu. Khalani mnzawo amene amanyadira kukhala naye—wachifundo, wodalirika, ndi wosangalatsa. M'kupita kwa nthawi, iwo adzakumbutsidwa za luso lanu. Pewani kumamatira mopambanitsa kapena kuyesa “kudzitsimikizira”; m’malo mwake, lolani kuti mikhalidwe yanu yeniyeni iwonekere m’zochita za tsiku ndi tsiku.

8. Khalanibe wodziimira

Ubwenzi wabwino umamangidwa pa anthu awiri omwe ali ndi moyo wodziyimira pawokha. Pitirizani kuchita zomwe mumakonda, mabwenzi anu, ndi zolinga zanu. Bwenzi lanu lidzayamikira kudzidalira kwanu ndi kulimba mtima kwanu, zomwe zingakupangitseni kumva ngati ubale wabwino kwambiri.

9. Letsani malingaliro amtsogolo

Zimakhala zokopa kuyesanso, koma posakhalitsa zingawoneke ngati mukunyalanyaza malingaliro awo. Khulupirirani kuti amvetsetsa zolinga zanu ndikuwapatsa nthawi yoti akafike pamalo omwewo. Kuthamangira kumangoyambitsa kukangana kosafunikira ndikuchepetsa kuwona mtima kwa malingaliro anu oyamba.

10. Aloleni akuoneni muli wokondwa

Kukanidwa sikukutanthauza kuti ndinu munthu wotani. Lolani mnzanu akuoneni mukusangalala ndi moyo, mukuseka, komanso mukutsatira zomwe mumakonda. Bwenzi losangalala komanso lokhutira ndi lokongola komanso lolimbikitsa, kuwakumbutsa chifukwa chake amakonda kukhala nanu. Njira imeneyi sikuti imangothandiza ubale wanu komanso imakulimbitsani chidaliro.

11. Khalani omasuka kuti musinthe

Ubale umasintha ndi kusintha, komanso malingaliro amasinthasintha. Kukana sikutanthauza mapeto; kungatanthauze "osati tsopano." Khalani okonzeka kusintha ndikukonzekera kukambirana za tsogolo lanu nthawi ikafika. Ngati mnzanuyo asintha maganizo ake pamapeto pake, zabwino. Ngati sichoncho, mwasonyeza kuti chikondi chanu pa iye chimaposa mphindi imodzi.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu adafotokoza nkhani ya momwe chibwenzi chake chinakana pempho lake la ukwati kawiri ndipo tsopano ali pabanja. "Sindinapwetekedwe ndipo ndimadziwa kuti pamapeto pake adzavomereza. Ndi gawo la umunthu wake kusavomereza. Tinakambirana kale kuti tikukonzekera kukwatirana. Panalibe chochitika. Ndimamudziwa bwino ndipo ndi gawo lake chabe. Zonsezi zinachitika patangopita masiku ochepa. Sizinachedwe. Kwakhala zaka 8 zabwino kwambiri muukwati ndipo sakanavomerezabe."

Maganizo Final

Msungwana wanga anakana pempho langa—nditani? Dziwani kuti kukanidwa sikutanthauza kulephera. Ukwati wokanidwa ukhoza kukhala mwayi wokulirapo ndi kulumikizana mozama ngati wagwiridwa mwanzeru. Ganizirani za momwe mungapitirire kuchoka ku kukanidwa ndi chisomo, kaya ndi kulemekeza malo, kumanganso chikhulupiriro, kapena kusonyeza kulimba mtima. Maubale ndi okhudza kumvetsetsana, ndipo kuthekera kwanu kuthana ndi vutoli kumatha kulimbikitsa mgwirizano wanu kwa nthawi yayitali.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.