Zovuta Kumanganso Ubale Pambuyo pa Chinyengo Ndi Momwe Mungayendetsere

Kusakhulupirika kungathe kuwononga kwambiri ubale, kuusiya utayimirira pamiyendo yake yomaliza. Ngakhale mwamuna ndi mkazi ataganiza zongochoka pa vuto limeneli, kumanganso chibwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo ndi ulendo wodzala ndi misampha. Pali kukwiyira, kupwetekedwa mtima, kusakhulupirika, ndipo kumachokera ku izo, zovuta zambiri pakati pa abwenzi omwe akugwira ntchito yoyanjanitsa pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika.

Ziribe kanthu momwe mungadzilungamitsire kunyenga nokha pamene muli m'kati mwake, pamene chibwenzi chikuwonekera, mnzanuyo nthawi zonse amamva kupweteka, kunyozedwa ndi kukhumudwa. Kutengeka kumeneku kungathe kuyambitsa mgwirizano wamuyaya pakati pa zibwenzi, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti kuchira kukhale kosatheka. Ndiye pali ena omwe amayesa kuyika vuto ili kumbuyo kwawo, ndikupita patsogolo, palimodzi.

Ngakhale kwa okwatirana amenewo, kutsatira chisankhocho ndikubwezeretsa chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika si njira yophweka. Kodi ndi chopinga chotani chomwe okwatirana amakumana nacho akamamanganso chibwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo ndipo chifukwa chiyani? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, nchiyani chingachitike kuti athetse vutoli mosavuta momwe angathere? Tikukubweretserani mayankho pokambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa CBT, REBT ndi uphungu wa okwatirana.

Zolepheretsa Kumanganso Ubale Pambuyo pa Chinyengo

Adrian ndi Samantha akhala akuyesera kuyambiranso ubale wawo atachita chigololo kwa miyezi ingapo tsopano. Lachinayi madzulo, Samantha adapeza kuti Adrian akuchita chigololo ndi mnzake wa kuntchito ndipo adapeza kuti mwamuna wake wakhala akuchita chibwenzi chaka chatha. Nthawi yonseyi, sanaone zizindikiro za chigololo mu khalidwe la mwamuna wake , ndichifukwa chake izi zinamudabwitsa mwadzidzidzi.

Pambuyo pa kupwetekedwa koyamba, kupsa mtima, kulira ndi kukwiya, Samantha anaona kuti Adrian anali wolapadi chifukwa cha zochita zake ndipo anazindikira kuti amamukondabe. Choncho, awiriwa adaganiza zopatsa banja lawo mwayi wina. Komabe, ulendowu sunakhale wophweka. Samantha amafunitsitsabe kuyang'ana pa foni ya Adrian nthawi iliyonse akapeza mpata, amangoona kuti akungoganizira za zomwe amamuuza ndipo amavutika kuti ayambenso kukhala naye pachibwenzi.

Patha pafupifupi miyezi isanu ndi umodzi chiyambireni usiku woipa umenewo, ndipo ndikuona ngati chibwenzi chathu chikusokonekera kwambiri.” Ngakhale m’nthaŵi zachibadwa, kwinakwake m’maganizo mwanga, nthaŵi zonse ndimadziŵa bwino kuti mwamuna ameneyu anandinyenga.

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"Lamlungu lapitali, tinali kupita ku brunch, ndipo adangotsamira pakamwa panga pomwe ndinali ndi mayo, ndipo sindikanachita koma kudabwa ngati adachitanso chimodzimodzi ndi mkazi yemwe anali pachibwenzi. Izi zimachitika kwambiri. Titha kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino limodzi monga banja lina lililonse, ndiyeno, zinthu zabwino kwambiri zimatha kukhala chiwopsezo ngati sitikudziwa," adatero.

Malinga ndi Nandita , izi sizachilendo. "Okwatirana ambiri amakumana ndi vuto losakhazikika akamakonzanso chibwenzi atatha kuchita zachiwerewere chifukwa cha zovuta zambiri zamaganizo zomwe zimasokoneza mgwirizano wamaganizo, kulumikizana kwamaganizo komanso kugonana."

"Kuchuluka kwa momwe zopinga zamaganizozi zimakhudzira khama loyanjananso pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kumadaliranso gawo lomwe banjali likuyambanso kuchira kuchokera pachibwenzi. Chibwenzi chikangoonekera, mnzanu amene wanyengedwa amasiya kumvera chilichonse kwa winayo," akufotokoza.

Chikondi chimene mnzako angakhale nacho kwa winayo chimaloŵedwa m’malo ndi malingaliro ena pamene chibwenzi chavumbulidwa. “Mkwiyo, kusakhulupirika, ndi kusakhulupirirana kwafika patali kwambiri moti n’kovuta kuti munthu amvere chisoni mnzake amene wachita chinyengo.” Kaŵirikaŵiri, mikangano yamphamvu imeneyi imayamba kukhazikika m’kupita kwanthaŵi.

Komabe, sizili ngati pamene maganizowo ayamba kukhazikika, okwatirana angangochotsa zotsatira za kusakhulupirika ndi kubwerera ku mmene analili. Ngakhale anthu aŵiri apangana kuti apatsane mpata, kubweretsanso ubwenzi ndi chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo kungakhale kovuta.

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"Banja liyenera kukumana ndi zovuta zambiri panjira. Kwa wina, amakhala ndi mlandu - pomwe kwa wina, ndi nkhani yachikale ya kubera wolakwa, kwa winayo, ukhoza kukhala wolakwa chifukwa chosakwanira." Wokondedwa yemwe adaberedwa nthawi zonse amadabwa ngati akusowa kanthu, zomwe zimakankhira wina wake kuti akhale ndi chibwenzi.

“Kenako, pamabwera vuto logonana wina ndi mnzake.” Mwamuna ndi mkazi akayambanso kugwirizana akachita chigololo, maganizo oti woberayo wakhala ndi munthu wina amadzakula, zomwe zimachititsa kuti kugonana kukhale kovuta.

Iye anawonjezeranso kuti, “Padzakhala magawo, pamene mnzanu amene wanyengedwa angafune kudziwa zonse zokhudza chibwenzicho ndikufunsa mafunso kwa mnzanu wosakhulupirika kuti amvetse chomwe, chifukwa chake, ndi momwe zonsezi zachitikira. Kenako, padzakhala magawo omwe sakufuna kudziwa chilichonse.”

Momwe Mungayendetsere Zovuta Pomanganso Ubale Pambuyo pa Kunyenga

Zonse mwazonse, kumanganso ubale pambuyo pa kunyenga kungakhale ulendo wothamanga, ndi gawo lake lapamwamba komanso lotsika. Mukagunda zotsika kwambiri, zimatha kuwoneka ngati palibe chiyembekezo chopulumuka. Komabe, momwe mungayendetsere zovuta izi zitha kupanga kusiyana konse.

Nandita anati: “Kaya okwatirana angapulumuke ku vuto la chigololo kapena ayi, zimadaliranso thanzi la unansiwo asanachite chigololo.

Pambuyo poganizira za ubale wanu, ngati inu ndi mnzanuyo mukuona kuti pali chiyembekezo choti mupulumuke chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika , Nandita akulangizani njira zotsatirazi kuti muthane ndi vuto ndi vuto la maganizo lomwe lilipoli:

1. Vomerezani kuti ubale wanu wakumana ndi vuto lalikulu

Chinthu choyamba kuti mupulumuke pachibwenzi ndikuchotsa kukhumudwa ndi mantha omwe amabwera pambuyo pake ndikuvomereza kuti ubale wanu wawonongeka kwambiri. Ichi sichinthu chomwe mungakhale mukuchikana kapena kutsuka pansi pa kapeti.

“N’kovuta kunyalanyaza mfundo yakuti mnzanuyo wakhala akugonana ndi munthu wina pamene adakali paubwenzi ndi inu kapena kuti mwina ananong’oneza mawu okoma ngati mmene anakuchitirani.

"Zowonadi sikuli kumverera kosangalatsa. Koma chopweteka kwambiri kuposa kusakondweretsa kumeneku ndi kupweteka kwa kusakhulupirika ndi kusweka kukhulupirirana. Amenewo ndi malingaliro omwe amawonekera kwambiri ndipo amakhala patsogolo pambuyo poti chibwenzi chawululidwa. Ngati mukufuna kumanganso ubale, kuvomereza zomwe zachitika ndi njira yokhayo yopitira patsogolo," akutero Nandita.

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2. Njira zolankhulirana zikhale zotseguka

Kulankhulana moona mtima ndi momasuka ndiye msana wa zoyesayesa zanu zomanganso ubale pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Onse awiri akuyenera kuthana ndi zoletsa zawo ndikuphunzira kufotokoza malingaliro awo, kugawana zakukhosi kwawo. Pokhapokha pangakhale chiyembekezo cholimbikitsa ubwenzi ndi chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzanu amene anaberedwa akumva kuti akugwa m’chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo, ndi bwino kugawana maganizowo ndi mnzanuyo m’malo mowatsekereza. Zindikirani ndikuvomereza kuti ndizabwinobwino, ndipo pakapita nthawi ndi khama, mutha kuthana ndi kumverera uku ndikumanga kulumikizana kwatsopano mu equation yomwe ilipo ndi mnzanu.

Nandita anati: “Lankhulanani ndipo fotokozani chifukwa chake ndi chifukwa chake, ngati zimenezo n’zimene zimafunika kuti mudutse zopinga ndi zovuta zimene munakumana nazo pambuyo pa chibwenzi,” akutero Nandita.

3. Muziganizira kwambiri za kuyambiranso kukhulupirirana

Mnzanu wonyenga sayenera kuiwala kuti udindo wokonzanso chikhulupiriro muubwenzi uli pa iye. "Mnzanu amene wanyenga mnzakeyo ayenera kuchita zinthu moyenera komanso mosamala kuti achite zinthu zing'onozing'ono zomwe zingathandize kukonzanso chikhulupiriro. Mwachitsanzo, musazime popanda kuuza mnzanuyo kapena kubisa zambiri. Mwachidule, chitani zinthu zomwe mnzanuyo angafune kuti muchite ndipo muwapatse mtendere wamumtima.

“Nthaŵi zambiri, mnzawo amene anaberedwa amakhala ndi chikhumbo choyang’ana zinthu zing’onozing’ono kapena kuyang’ana pa zipangizo za mnzakeyo.” Komabe, ngati wolakwayo achitapo kanthu kuti ayambitsenso kukhulupirirana, kukanika kutha pakapita nthawi,” anatero Nandita.

4. Chitengeni ngati chiyambi chatsopano

Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani munthu atapezeka kuti ali pachibwenzi? Mosasamala kanthu kuti okwatiranawo asankha kukhala limodzi kapena kusiyana, ubale womwe adagawana nawo asanachite chigololo amadutsa mumsewu. Kusankha kukhala pamodzi n'kofanana ndi kuyamba mwatsopano.

“Mukamamanganso chibwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo, chioneni ngati kugwirizana kwatsopano kwachikondi.” Chigwirizano chakale chimene munagawana nacho chidzafafanizidwa ndi kusweka kwa chikhulupiriro, palibe njira ziwiri zochitira zimenezo, ndipo ubwenzi wanu tsopano udzakhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi mmene unalili kale.

"Choncho, yambani zinthu pang'onopang'ono, monga momwe mungachitire mutayamba chibwenzi ndi munthu watsopano, ndikumangirirani pakapita nthawi. Simungayembekezere kubwereranso momwe zinthu zinalili miyezi 3 mutapeza chibwenzi. Ndipotu, pali mwayi waukulu kuti simungabwererenso ku momwe zinthu zinalili. Ndipo ndizo zabwino. Mwina, nthawi ino, mukhoza kupanga mgwirizano wochuluka, "akutero Nandita.

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5. Kufotokoza malire ndi kuwatsatira

Chinthu china chofunikira kwambiri pakuyanjananso pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndikukhala ndi malire omveka bwino kuti muchotse kusadzidalira kulikonse, nkhawa, ndi nkhani zodalirana. "Nthawi ino, khalani ndi mnzanu kuti mufotokoze malire a ubale , ndipo chofunika kwambiri, muwatsatire, zivute zitani."

"Ngati wina aliyense - makamaka wobera - aphwanya malirewa, zimapangitsa winayo kukhala wosatetezeka, kubweretsa nkhani zomwezo," akutero Nandita.

Kuyenda movutikira, kukwiya, kudziimba mlandu ndi zina zambiri zomwe kusakhulupirika kumabweretsa kungakhale kovuta kwambiri ngati muli nokha. Inu ndi mnzanuyo simungakhale ndi zida zoyenera kapena malingaliro omveka bwino kuti athe kuthana ndi vutoli mwaluso pamene maganizo akuthamanga kwambiri. Pazifukwa izi, kufunafuna thandizo kuchokera kwa mlangizi waluso kapena kulumikizana ndi munthu wosalowerera ndale yemwe angakupatseni malingaliro pazomwe mukukumana nazo kungakhale kopindulitsa kwambiri.

Kuyamba chithandizo cha maanja kwathandiza anthu ambiri paulendo wawo wobwererana pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Ngati inunso mumadzimva kuti muli ndi malingaliro oipa mutachita chigololo ndi mnzanu kapena mwanyengedwa, ganizirani kulumikizana ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito pafupi nanu. Mutha kupeza wina kuchokera kunyumba kwanu pa Bonobology's panel.

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