Ndi chowonadi chodziwika padziko lonse kuti kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kumapweteka. Ndipo zimapweteka kwambiri. Koma kodi moyo umafunikadi kuyima chifukwa cha zimenezi? Kodi mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna popanda kugwa mkati nthawi zonse? Kodi pali njira zathanzi, zomwe mungachite kuti musamangokhalira kuthana ndi mtima wosweka womwe umabwera ndi phukusi lokanidwa komanso kuti mukhale munthu wabwinoko, wathanzi?
Koma momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna, makamaka ngati ndi bolt kuchokera ku buluu? Kodi mumatani mukapatsidwa mawu omveka bwino komanso aulemu "Ayi" pamene mumayembekezera "Inde" wokondwa ndi wachimwemwe kuchokera kwa munthu amene simunamupondereze mobisa? Kupsinjika maganizo kokanidwa mwachikondi kungakupwetekeni kwambiri mumikhalidwe yoteroyo. Kusamalira kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kungakhale kovuta kwambiri kwa anthu ambiri.
Ndiye, mtsikana akakanidwa ndi mnyamata, ayenera kuchita chiyani? Yankho, mnzanga, lili pakupanga zisankho zoyenera - malinga ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), yemwe anayambitsa Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa mabanja komanso chithandizo cha mabanja. Anatiuza za momwe kukanidwa ndi mnyamata amene mumamukonda kungakhudzire thanzi lanu la maganizo komanso anatipatsa malangizo amomwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata.
Momwe mumachitira ndi masiku, masabata, ndi miyezi pambuyo pokanidwa ndi mwamuna zingapangitse kusiyana konse. Mutha kumangolira mwakachetechete m’bafa pakati pausiku chifukwa cha mnyamata amene samakukondaninso. Kapena mungadzilamulire nokha ndi malingaliro anu, kuchitapo kanthu pamene akukanidwa mwaulemu, kuleka kukanidwa ndi munthu amene mumamkonda, ndi kukhala munthu wamphamvu, wolinganizika. Kusankha, monga nthawi zonse, ndi kwanu.
Kodi Mumayankhira Bwanji Mnyamata Akukanidwa?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Palibe buku lofotokozera bwino momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna ndi kuthana ndi kusweka mtima komwe kumatsatira. Palibe yankho limodzi lomwe lingagwirizane ndi zochitika zonse, palibe mankhwala amatsenga omwe angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi kukhumudwa kwa chikondi. Koma pali zinthu zomwe simuyenera kuchita. Mwachitsanzo, ngakhale mutayenera kudzibisa mu chidebe cha Ben & Jerry's Rocky Road kuti mupewe izi, chonde musayese kuwakakamiza kuti akhale nanu. Chikondi sichingakakamizidwe kapena kugulidwa.
Chachiwiri, yesetsani kuti musapse mtima kwambiri - makamaka osati pagulu. Ngati mutero, perekani mwayi uliwonse woti adzakulemekezeni - osasiya kukhala ndi inu - tsalani bwino. Zikatero, momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata m'njira yomwe sikukusiyani kulira, kusokoneza chisokonezo ndikukulolani kuchoka ndi mutu wanu? Muyenera kuphunzira kulabadira kukanidwa ndi ulemu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ubale wa Push Pull - Njira 9 Zothetsera
Ngati mwafunsa munthu wanu kudzera pa ma DM awo kuti awomberedwe sekondi yotsatira, mutha kuyamba ndikuthokoza nyenyezi zanu kuti simunachite izi pamasom'pamaso. Kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kudzera m'mameseji kumatha kuphwanya mtima wanu kukhala zidutswa miliyoni imodzi koma, chosangalatsa, wosweka mtima wanu sadzakhalapo kuti aziwone. Kotero, nthawi zonse mukhoza kutenga mphindi imodzi kapena ziwiri kuti mupume, dzipangireni kapu ya tiyi, ndipo mutatha mphindi 20 zolimba, tumizani mawu omveka ngati, "Moni, pepani, ndatuluka. Izi ndizosokoneza koma zikomo chifukwa cha kuwona mtima kwanu. Ndikukhulupirira kuti tikhoza kukhalabe mabwenzi." Onjezani kumwetulira kumapeto kwa muyeso wabwino.
Zomwe izi zimachita ndikupangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati ndiwe amene mukuwongolera ndipo, ngakhale mukukhumudwa nazo, mutha kuzigwirabe ngati pro. Mumakhalabe chithunzi chabata, ulemu wosonkhanitsidwa - ndi chithandizo chathanzi chopanda chidwi - pomaliza pake, ulemu umakhala wokhazikika. Ndizovuta kuvomereza kukanidwa ndi mnyamata. Koma kuyankha mwaulemu, kudzilemekeza, ndi chisomo ndikovuta.
Kumbali ina, ngati mutatulutsa zoyimitsa zonse ndikugwada pa bondo limodzi, maluwa ali m'manja, kuti mukumane ndi "Ayi", konzekerani kuti mutulutse ntchito ya Oscar-woyenerera, Meryl Streep-level kuti mutulukemo ndi mtima wanu wosweka koma kunyada kulibe. Ndikovuta kuyankha kukanidwa ndi ulemu, koma gwiritsani ntchito njira zoyenera, ndipo mukhoza kungokhala ndi nsana wanu.
Zolemba pa intaneti zimati kukanidwa - kaya kwa mnyamata, bwana wanu, kapenanso amene angakhale akulembani ntchito - kungathe kugwetsa mphepo ndi chidaliro chanu mwa inu. Kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kumatha kufika mpaka kumayambitsa nkhawa, kukhumudwa, komanso nkhawa. Devaleena anati: “Inde, kukanidwa kumakhudza thanzi la munthu.” Kutengeka maganizo kochuluka kumabuka monga kupwetekedwa mtima, kusungulumwa, nsanje, kudziimba mlandu, manyazi, nkhaŵa za anthu, manyazi, chisoni, ndi mkwiyo, ndipo zimenezi zingakhale zolemetsa kwambiri ndi zovuta kuzisiya. kuwongolera mokakamiza.
Izi zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kuthana ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna mwaulemu komanso kuganizira kwambiri za kumanga ubale wabwino . Ndiye, kodi munthu amayamba bwanji kupirira kukanidwa ndi wokondedwa wake mwanjira yabwino? Yankho la Devaleena ndi losavuta, "Dziuzeni kuti mungathe kuthana nazo. Nthawi zonse pamakhala dzuwa mvula ikagwa. Chinachake choipa chinakuchitikirani koma payenera kukhala chifukwa. Sikuti ndinu wofooka kapena wokhumudwa kwambiri koma mwina zikugwirizana ndi kalembedwe kanu kokondana. Mwina ndi nthawi yoti mubwerere m'mbuyo ndikudzisamalira bwino. Tengani nthawi yopuma kuti mukonze malingaliro anu. Khalani ndi nthawi ndi okondedwa anu ndipo kumbukirani kudzichitira chifundo poyamba."
Momwe Mungasamalire Kukanidwa ndi Mnyamata - Monga Katswiri
Mtsikana akakanidwa ndi mnyamata, n’zachidziŵikire kuti amasweka mtima. Kukana kukanidwa ndi mnyamata yemwe mumamukonda kungakhale kowononga. Koma apa pali ena akatswiri-backed ngale zanzeru mmene kuchitira kukanidwa ndi mnyamata. Zochita nthawi zambiri zimalankhula mokweza kuposa mawu, makamaka ngati mukufuna kuyankha mwaulemu kukukanidwa. M'munsimu muli njira 8 zomwe zingagwiritsidwe ntchito ndi akatswiri zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi kukanidwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda popanda kutaya mtima:
1. Pezani gwero la malingaliro anu
Munthu ndi nyama yamagulu. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zoyamba zomwe tinaphunzira kusukulu tili ana. Zomwe izi zimatanthawuza kufunikira kosamalira ndikusamalidwa ndi wina wake. Izi zili choncho chifukwa, monga anthu, tidasanduka kukhala m'magulu kuti tiwonjezere mwayi wokhala ndi moyo. Ichi ndi chofunikira chomwe gulu lathu lakhazikika. Ndiye, chimachitika ndi chiyani ngati wina akukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena akuyenera kuthana ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kuntchito? Kukhumudwa kwa kukana kwachikondi kumagunda, ndizomwe.
Kusweka mtima kungakusintheni ngati munthu . Munthu akamatikana, ubongo wathu - womwe ndi woyambirira komanso wopangidwa kuti upeze mnzako kuti upulumuke - umakhala ngati ukuutenga ngati wa munthu. Ichi ndichifukwa chake timavutika kuthana ndi kuvomereza kukanidwa ndi munthuyo mwaulemu. Ngakhale izi zili choncho kwa aliyense, kwa anthu ena kukanidwa kumapweteka kwambiri kuposa ena. Izi zitha kukhala chifukwa chakuti adakulira akuwona ndikuchita zinthu zosayenera, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale mavuto okhudzana ndi kukondana.
Anthu omwe amachokera ku nyumba zovuta kapena zankhanza amakonda kukana makamaka chifukwa cha izi. Zili choncho chifukwa anakulira m’madera amene nthawi zambiri ankawapangitsa kudziona ngati osakondedwa komanso osawasamalidwa. Kotero, izi zimapanga kumverera kosatetezeka komwe sikungakulole kuti muthe kukana kukanidwa mosavuta.
Kotero, ngati pamene mukuchita kukanidwa ndi mnyamata, mukuwona kuti mukuwoneka kuti mukuvutitsa kuposa ena, mwinamwake ndi nthawi yoti mufufuze ndikupeza ngati malingaliro otere amachokera ku kusatetezeka kwanu. Ngati mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata, muyenera kuzindikira kuti ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zoyamba kuchita. Mwanjira iyi, mutha kuyamba kudzichitira nokha moyenerera ndikupeza chithandizo chomwe mungafunikire kuti musamangokanidwa ndi mnyamata mwachisomo komanso kuchiritsa ndikutuluka ngati munthu wamphamvu.
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2. Kodi mungatani ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata? Invest in kudzisamalira
Sikophweka kuyankha mwaulemu ngati akukanidwa. Nkhani ndi nkhani za momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata pa intaneti, nthawi zambiri zimakufunsani kuti muzichita zinthu zomwe zimapanga kudzisamalira mpaka malingaliro onse akuwoneka ngati akuyamba kumveka ngati fashoni. Koma chifukwa zimamveka ngati cheesy kapena cliché sizipangitsa kuti zikhale zowona. Kuika nthawi, khama ndiponso, ngati n’kotheka, ndalama, podzisamalira n’kofunika.
Nthawi zambiri timakhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndi kugula zinthu ndi kuchita zinthu zokongola kwa okondedwa athu ndi okondedwa athu kotero kuti nthawi zambiri timaiwala kuti tiyeneranso kukhala ndi zinthu zosangalatsa komanso zokumana nazo. Ena a ife timapangidwa kuti tidzipereke kwambiri muubwenzi , ngakhale utakhala wa mbali imodzi. Ngakhale kuti kuchita zinthu zokongola kwa mabwenzi athu n'kosangalatsa, ndikofunikiranso, ngati sikofunikira kwambiri, kudzipatsa zinthu zofanana.
Izi zingatanthauze kuchita chilichonse kuyambira kudzipangira chakudya chamadzulo chabwino, kugula mabomba osambira ndi makandulo onunkhira mpaka kuyenda paokha. Kapena zingangotanthauza kutenga tsiku lopuma kuti mukondweretse nokha. Pitani kukagula, onerani filimu yomwe mumakonda ndipo kusweka kwanu sikutero, pitani ku carnival, ndipo sangalalani ndi corndogs mpaka mutaphulika ndi dopamine yonse yokongola. Kuyika ndalama mwa inu nokha ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera kukanidwa ndi kuphwanyidwa kapena kuthana ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kuntchito ndikutsanzikana ndi kukana chikondi.
3. Pezani nthawi yokhala nokha
Lingaliro lina la momwe mungathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata ndikudzipezera nokha nthawi. Ambiri aife nthawi zambiri timadumpha kuchoka paubwenzi kupita ku ubale popanda kupuma. Izi ndizowona makamaka kwa anthu omwe azolowere kukhala ndi munthu kwa nthawi yayitali. Kukhala pachibwenzi kumakhala gawo lawo lodziwika bwino. N’zosachita kufunsa kuti ichi sichiri chinthu chabwino koposa kuchita.
Kukhala ndi nthawi yokhala ndi inu nokha ndikusangalala ndi anzanu ndikofunikira ngati mukufuna kuchiritsa mtima wanu wosweka mutakanidwa ndi mwamuna. Apa ndi pomwe lingaliro lodzikonda tokha tisanakonde ena limachokera. Mukamadzifunsa momwe mungachitire ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti ngakhale kusamalidwa ndi munthu kumapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kudzikonda tokha, zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zofunika kwambiri kudzisamalira tokha mutapatukana kapena kukanidwa ndi chibwenzi.
Izi zimatsimikizira kuti timakhala ndi nthawi ndi malingaliro athu, kuyang'ana zochita ndi zokhumba zathu, ndipo, potsirizira pake, timaphwanya makhalidwe oipa kapena oipa omwe tingakhale nawo pazaka zomwe takhala tikuthamangitsa anthu. Kwenikweni, mumachoka mutu wanu uli pamwamba, ndikupangitsa kuti ikhale njira yotsimikizika yothanirana ndi kukanidwa ndi munthu mwaulemu. Kupeza nthawi yokhala nokha ndi imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zothetsera kukanidwa mwaulemu.
4. Kocheza ndi okondedwa
Mukudabwa momwe mungasamalire kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Kucheza ndi mabwenzi apamtima ndi achibale kungangochita zachinyengo. Iyi ndi njira yomwe nthawi zambiri imakhala yochepa kwambiri yothanirana ndi malingaliro oti simukukondedwa komanso osayenera komanso kukana kukanidwa. Muzicheza ndi anthu amene mumawadziwa kuti amakukondani. Ngati sizingatheke kuchita mwakuthupi, chitani pafupifupi.
Konzani phwando la Netflix, bweretsani vinyo wanu wabwino kwambiri ndikukhala ndi usiku wa atsikana. Gwiranani wina ndi mnzake pafoni. Zikhale kwa maola ambiri kapena mphindi zochepa, kucheza ndi anthu omwe mumayandikana nawo kungabwezeretse kulimba mtima kwanu ndi chidaliro chanu, nthawi yonseyi ndikukukumbutsani kuti ngakhale kuti munthu mmodzi wakukanani, mumakondedwa ndi kuyamikiridwa ndi ena ambiri.
Tengani nthawi yopuma musanayambe chibwenzi kachiwiri . Monga ndanenera kale, kusintha kuchoka pa chikondi kupita pa chikondi ndi ubale si njira yabwino yopitira patsogolo. Akatswiri amavomereza kuti ngakhale kuti ndi bwino kukhala ndi chikondi ndi munthu wina ngakhale munthu wina atakukanani, ndikofunikira kutenga nthawi musanalole kuti malingaliro otere akugwereni.
Ndithudi, chikondi sichinthu chimene mungathe kuchilamulira. Koma mukhoza kudziletsa. Ngati kukanidwa kumakuvutani kwambiri, khalani ndi nthawi yoyang'ana, kusangalala, ndikulimbitsa chidaliro chanu ndikudzidalira musanadumphe mwayi woyamba kunena kuti mumakonda munthu wina.
5. Dzichitireni chifundo
Uwu ndi upangiri wina wofunikira pa momwe tingathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata. Nthawi zambiri tikamaona anzathu akusiya kukanidwa m'kungoyang'ana m'mbali ngakhale tidakali otanganidwa kumanga malo oti tithetse kukanidwa kwathu chifukwa cha chikondi, timayamba kudziimba mlandu chifukwa chofooka chifukwa chosatha kusiya kukonda munthu amene satikondanso . Kodi anthu onse okuzungulirani akuwoneka bwanji kuti amadziwa momwe angathanirane ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata pamene mukuvutikabe ndi kumwa tiyi wa tequila ndi ayisikilimu wambiri?
Ngakhale mutakhala kuti simungathe kulimbana ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna mwaulemu, ino ndi nthawi yoti mudzikumbutse kuti kutengeka mtima sikumakufooketsani. Amakupangani inu chomwe muli - wachifundo, wachifundo, komanso wachikondi. Ngakhale ngati kupwetekedwa mtima kwanu kumachokera ku kusatetezeka komanso kusagwirizana, dziwani kuti sichinthu chodziimba mlandu. M’malo mwake, ndi mwayi woti tidziŵe bwino tokha ndi kupeza gwero la vutolo.
Chifukwa chake, mukakumana ndi kusweka mtima komwe kumatsagana ndi kukanidwa, kumbukirani kudzichitira chifundo. Lingaliro limodzi labwino ndikukumbukira kudzichitira nokha monga momwe mungachitire ndi mnzanu wapamtima ngati akanidwa. Simungawaseke. Simukanati iwo ofooka. Simungawalole kuti azidzimvera chisoni n’kunena zinthu monga, “Ndimakanidwa ndi anyamata. Kodi pali vuto ndi ine? M’malo mwake, mungawakumbutse kuti amakondedwa ndi kuti ayenera kukondedwa. Chitaninso chimodzimodzi kwa inu eni. Kupatula apo, ngati mulibe msana wanu, adzakhala ndi ndani?
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6. Gwirani ntchito nokha
Kudzisamalira nokha ndi zabwino komanso zabwino. Kupatula nthawi yoyang'ana ndikuwunikanso machitidwe anu ndikwabwinonso. Koma sizothandiza ngati simutenga maphunziro omwe akusweka mtima akukuphunzitsani za inu nokha ndikuyamba kuwagwiritsa ntchito ndikumaganiza kuti, "Ndimakanidwa ndi anyamata." Ngati kukanidwa kukubweretsani maso ndi maso ndi kusatetezeka komanso kusiyidwa, tengani thandizo la akatswiri.
Ngati ndi kusatetezeka kokhudzana ndi thupi, funsani komwe kumachokera ndiyeno yesetsani kukhala athanzi. Ngati kuwonda kukuwoneka ngati chinthu chomwe chingathandize, chitani. Ngati mukuwona kuti mutha kuchita bwino pantchito yanu, yesetsani. Osapangana ndi kukana. Osagwira ntchito nokha kuti muthe kukopa maso anu osweka. Chitani izo kwa inu.
Yesetsani kudzisamalira nokha kuti mumve bwino m'maganizo, m'maganizo, komanso m'thupi. Kukonza zomwe simukuzikonda komanso kuthana ndi mavuto azaumoyo wamaganizo komanso tsankho lomwe muli nalo - pamene mukudzichitira chifundo - kungakuthandizeni kwambiri pankhani yodziona kuti ndinu ofunika komanso kudzidalira.
7. Kodi mungatani ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata? Yambani chokonda chatsopano
Kotero, munati “Ndimakukonda” koma munakanidwa. Ngati pali chinthu chimodzi chomwe tikudziwa chokhudza kusweka mtima ndi chisoni, ndikuti zosokoneza zimatha kuchita zodabwitsa. Ayi, sindikukupemphani kuti musiye kuthana ndi malingaliro anu kwathunthu. Koma kuyang'ana kwambiri pa izi kungakubweretsereni inu ndi thanzi lanu la maganizo m'dzenje lakuda lakuda.
Monga momwe zilili ndi china chilichonse, kulinganiza ndikofunikira. Yang'anani ndi malingaliro anu komanso kudzidodometsa nokha pamene mukumva kuti mukumira. Yambani chokonda chatsopano. Phunzirani kuluka, Dziperekeni kumalo osungira nyama, ndikukhala bwenzi ndi mphaka wamkulu wokwiya. Phunzirani chinenero chatsopano kapena kuimba gitala. Sinthani malingaliro anu. Gwirani ntchito pazokonda zanu. Lembani buku lomwe mudali kutanthauza - mwina kusweka mtima kukuthandizani kuti mumve bwino momwe akumvera.
Kwenikweni, dzikumbutseni zinthu zomwe mumakonda, zomwe mumakonda, zomwe zakhala zikusonkhanitsa fumbi pamndandanda wa ndowa zanu, ndikuzichita. Koma kumbukirani kuti musawachite ndi mtima wonse. Invest nthawi ndi khama mu izo ndipo inu adzatuluka zinachitikira kwambiri osanjidwa, kudziona wodziwa munthu amene amadziwa mmene kulimbana kukanidwa ndi mnyamata.
8. Osadzilowetsa m’chinthu chilichonse
Chomaliza koma chofunika kwambiri ndi kukumbukira kuti simuyenera kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso. Ikani ndalama mu chisamaliro chanu koma musachotse ndalama mu akaunti yanu yakubanki mukadali pantchito. Phunzirani kudzikonda . Tengani nthawi yopuma kuti mupite kutchuthi koma yesetsani kuti ntchito yanu isaike pachiwopsezo. Khalani ndi anzanu koma musaiwale kuti inu ndi iwo muli ndi moyo kunja kwa ubwenzi wanu. Ndipo musamadzimvere chisoni.
Ndi chinthu chimodzi kudzichitira chifundo ndipo chinthu chinanso kudzipangira tokha kwambiri kotero kuti timayiwala kuti ndife amphamvu, odziimira okha omwe angathe kuthana ndi zowawa zamtima chikwi popanda kusweka mu zidutswa milioni. Ndinu ofunika kuposa kusweka mtima. Pali zambiri kwa inu kuposa kukanidwa. Musaiwale zimenezo.
Kotero, apo inu muli nazo izo. Njira zisanu ndi zitatu zotsogola komanso zotsimikiziridwa ndi akatswiri zomwe mungagwiritse ntchito kuti mutuluke mu dzenje lamdima lomwe mudamiramo mutakanidwa ndi munthu. Koma ngakhale zonsezi ndi zofunika, chofunika kwambiri ndi kukumbukira kupuma. Kudzikumbutsa kuti mwapulumuka zowawa zilizonse ndi zoopsa zomwe mwakumana nazo m'moyo wanu mpaka pano. Kukanidwa kumodzi sikungakuwonongeni. Ndinu wamphamvu kwambiri kuposa izo. Inu muli nacho ichi.
Chikondi Chosavomerezeka: Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Mungazithetse Bwanji
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
