Chibwenzi Chosasangalatsa Vs. Anzanu Opindula - 10 Kusiyanitsa Kwakukulu

Tonsefe takhala tikukayikira kufunika kwathu pa moyo wa wina nthawi ina. Mwachikondi, ambiri a ife takhala tikukumana ndi mavuto osamveka bwino okhudza malonjezo osamveka bwino komanso malonjezo osamveka bwino. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa Pew Research Centre, pafupifupi 47% ya anthu osakwatira aku America amati n'kovuta kwambiri kukhala pachibwenzi masiku ano kuposa momwe zinalili zaka khumi zapitazo. Komabe, anthu akugwiritsa ntchito maubwenzi osiyanasiyana, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kunena zosowa zanu.

Ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi ubale wotseguka, kumvetsetsa wamba pachibwenzi vs. abwenzi ndi phindu kumakhala kofunikira. Ngati ubale wanu ulibe zilembo, ndiye kuti nkhaniyi ikupatsani malingaliro okwanira kuti muchotse mutu wanu.

Kodi Kukhala ndi Chibwenzi Mongoyembekezera N'chiyani?

Kuchita chibwenzi chokhazikika kwakhala maziko a maubwenzi ambiri odzipereka . Ndi njira yodziwira bwino munthu wina mwa kukhala naye nthawi yabwino popanda kudzipereka 'kwamuyaya'. Nthawi zina, chibwenzi chokhazikika chingaoneke ngati chopanda pake komanso chovuta. Komabe, mibadwo yachinyamata imatsimikizira kuti kuvomerezana ndi kulankhulana kungapulumutse maubwenzi onse okhazikika.

Zotsatirazi ndi zina zomwe zimafanana pa maubwenzi onse wamba. Kodi mungagwirizane? 

• Kusintha kwanthawi zonse sikufuna ndalama zambiri zamalingaliro monga mayanjano odzipereka
• Palibe munthu yemwe ali ndi mwayi wofuna nthawi kapena malo ochulukirapo m'moyo wa mnzake kapena ufulu wa bwenzi
• Amakhala otenga nthawi kuposa momwe amachitira anzawo ndi zopindulitsa koma zochepa poyerekeza ndi ubale wanthawi yayitali.
• Iwo samaphatikizapo kudzipereka 

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Ubwino wina wa chibwenzi wamba ungawerenge motere: 

1. Poyamba, zimakulolani kuti mumvetse zomwe mukuyembekezera kuchokera kwa munthu wina
2. Ndi njira yabwino kumvetsetsa mtundu wa kugwirizana kwachikondi komwe kumakuthandizani
3. Pomaliza, kukumana ndi kucheza ndi anthu osiyanasiyana kumakupatsani mwayi wowonekera komanso momwe mungawonere 

Ubwino wa zibwenzi wamba umakhalapo kokha pamene kulankhulana moona mtima ndi moonekera kumatsatira. Kudziwitsa mnzanuyo kuti mukuwona anthu ena kungakupulumutseni nthawi ndi sewero. Kuonjezera apo, munthu asayembekezere kukhala yekha kwa bwenzi lake pamene akuwona anthu ena.

Ngati mwakonzeka kuyamba chibwenzichi, ndiye kuti simuli nokha! 36% ya akuluakulu ku US adati ali okonzeka kuyesa chibwenzi chosavuta kapena akufuna kungochita chibwenzi chamtunduwu. Kafukufuku wa Pew Research wa 2019 akutsimikizira izi!

Kodi Ubale Wamabwenzi Ndi Ubwino Ndi Chiyani?

FWB ndi mkhalidwe wolimba mtima kwambiri woti uchite. Ngati onse awiri ali mabwenzi/ochezeka koma akudziwanso za chilakolako cha wina ndi mnzake, angavomereze kukhala mabwenzi a wina ndi mnzake omwe ali ndi maubwino ogonana. Tiyeni tiwone zina mwa makhalidwe omwe amachitika pamene munthu ali ndi maubwino :

• Palibe chipani chomwe chimafuna ndalama kapena kudzipereka kuchokera kwa mnzake
• Malumikizidwe ambiri a FWB amakhala akuthupi mwachilengedwe 
• Palibe nthawi yomwe imathera pa 'chibwenzi' - kupita kunja, kudya chakudya chamadzulo, ndi zina zotero. 
• Awa ndi malumikizano akanthawi kochepa omwe amatha kuchotsedwa nthawi iliyonse yabwino kapena akafunika ndi anthu onse

Mkhalidwe wokhudzana ndi ubwenzi womwe uli ndi zabwino umafuna kufunikira kosiya zofuna zilizonse zachikondi (ngati zilipo) kuchokera muubwenziwo. Kafukufuku wofalitsidwa mu Archives of Sexual Behavior adapereka malingaliro otsatirawa:

• Ophunzira omwe adanenanso kuti anali okondwa ndi kuchuluka kwa nsembe muubwenzi wa FWB adanenanso za kusintha kwakukulu kwa ubale.
• Akazi anali okhoza kufotokoza kusintha kwakukulu kwa ubale poyerekeza ndi amuna
• Achinyamata ambiri amakhalabe abwenzi ndi mnzake wa FWB chibwenzi chitatha

Ubwino womwe umapitilira muubwenzi womwe uli pamwambapa nthawi zambiri umakhala wakuthupi/kugonana, ndipo palibe zoyembekeza za kudzipereka. Kukhala pachibwenzi chongopeka chitha kuonedwa ngati kalambulabwalo waubwenzi, pomwe FWB sichingadzetse chimodzi, ngakhale malinga ndi kafukufukuyu, 20% ya maubwenzi a FWB amasanduka malonjezano akulu.

Tiyeni tilowe muzosiyana zawo ndikuzifotokoza mwatsatanetsatane. Nazi kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa zibwenzi zapanthawi zonse ndi anzanu zomwe muyenera kudziwa:

Chibwenzi Chosasangalatsa Vs. Anzanu Opindula - 10 Kusiyanitsa Kwakukulu 

Monga momwe zapezedwera bwino komanso zomwe zavumbulidwira mu kafukufukuyu , si onse ogonana omwe amachita zachiwerewere ndi anzawo omwe angaone ubalewu ngati ubale wabwino ndi anzawo. Pafupifupi anthu 38 mwa anthu 76 aliwonse adanena kuti khalidwe logonana lopanda kubadwa silimawapangitsa kumva kuti ali pachibwenzi chabwino ndi anzawo. Kwa ena, zinali zokwanira kunena kuti ubale wamba.

Chibwenzi Chosachita Kugonana Chingakhale Choopsa Ndipo Chingakupangitseni Kukayikira Zonse Zomwe Mukudziwa Zokhudza Chikondi ndi Ubale. Kumbali inayi, Ubwenzi Wokhala ndi Ubwino ndi njira yatsopano, yozungulira yomwe ingakuthandizeni kukwaniritsa zokhumba zanu zonse zakumtima, kuti musatembenuke molakwika. Popeza takambirana kale pang'ono za chibwenzi chosachita Kugonana ndi Ubwenzi Wokhala ndi Ubwino, tiyeni tiyesetse kuthetsa chisokonezo chilichonse chomwe mungakhale nacho pa awiriwa. Sitikunama; amawoneka ofanana koma nthawi zonse ndibwino kudziwa momwe awiriwa amasiyanirana m'njira zawo.

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1. Cholinga cha ubale

Ubale wanu ndi wokondedwa wanu ukadziwika bwino, zimakhala zosavuta kudziwa zomwe zimafunidwa muubwenzi. M'malo modabwa kuti ubwenzi wamba kumatanthauza chiyani kwa mnyamata kapena mtsikana, m'pofunika kuika zolinga zanu poyera.

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Zina mwa zolinga za munthu wochita chibwenzi chosakhazikika ndi izi:

• Anthu ambiri amaona kuti kukhala pachibwenzi ndi njira yopezera chibwenzi
• Ena amangosangalala kucheza ndi okondedwa awo wamba
• Ena amakonda kusunga zosankha zawo nthawi zonse
• Ena amangodzipereka kwa inu nthawi komanso ngati ali otsimikiza
• Nthaŵi zina, anthu amakhala ndi chibwenzi chongocheza chabe chifukwa chakuti ali ndi nthaŵi yochitira zimenezo

Chifukwa chake, onetsetsani kuti inu ndi mnzanu muli patsamba limodzi. Ngati mwakhala mukuwona kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kusokoneza, funsani anzanu apamtima kapena okondedwa anu kuti amveke bwino.

Mabwenzi Omwe Ali ndi Ubwino: Mkhalidwewu umatsimikizira cholinga chokhala ndi ubale weniweni ndi munthu amene mumamudziwa kale. Monga momwe dzinalo likusonyezera, akhoza kukhala mnzanu amene mumamukonda koma simukumukonda. Mkhalidwe woterewu sungasokonezeke chifukwa cholingacho chinafotokozedwa kale.

2. Chiyembekezo cha zochitika zomwe mungakonde kuchita

Kodi ubale wamba kapena abwenzi omwe ali ndi zopindulitsa amatanthauza chiyani kwa mnyamata/msungwana? Kodi mumayembekezeka kuchita chiyani mukalowa muakaunti yotere? Kodi mumapita kukaonera mafilimu kapena kungowadziwitsa ngati muli ndi maganizo a 'Netflix ndi kuzizira?' Osadandaula. Sizovuta choncho.

Chibwenzi chosasangalatsa: Chimaphatikizapo kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino ndi munthu amene muli naye pachibwenzi. Ngakhale kuti onse awiri asankha kuti asakhale okhaokha, amapatula nthawi kuti adziwane bwino.

Kujambula kanema, kudya madeti, komanso kukhala ndi gawo la 'Netflix ndi chill' ndizochitika zatsiku ndi tsiku zomwe maanja amachita ali pachibwenzi mwachisawawa. Mukufuna kupempha wokondedwa wanu kuti abwere ku brunch? Chitani zomwezo. Osadandaula, simukuphwanya malamulo oti muzikhala nawo pachibwenzi.

Mabwenzi okhala ndi ubwino: Kusinthaku sikungakhale ndi makhalidwe ofanana ndi a chibwenzi wamba. Mwachitsanzo, mnzanu sangakhale ndi chidwi chogawana chakudya mwadzidzidzi kapena kupita kukayenda pagalimoto. FWB ili ngati 'kuyitanitsa' ndipo simuyenera kuyembekezera nthawi yabwino kuchokera mu mgwirizanowu. Nthawi yokhayo yomwe mungakhale ndi nthawi yabwino limodzi ndi pamene mukusintha kukhala 'bwenzi lanu la platonic'.

3. Kupezeka kwamalingaliro pachibwenzi wamba motsutsana ndi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu

Kupezeka m'malingaliro kumatanthauza kukhwima kwa ubale pakati pa anthu awiri mwaumoyo ndi wachifundo. Ikuwonetsanso momwe ubalewo ungakhalire kwa nthawi yayitali. 

Chibwenzi chosachita kuonekera: Maubwenzi osachita kuonekera amaganizira za chikondi cha mnzanuyo malinga ndi momwe akumvera. Angakhale okonzeka kuuzana mavuto awo.

Mabwenzi Omwe Ali ndi Ubwino: Sizochitika zonse za FWB zomwe zimakhala pa phiri lopanda kulankhulana. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mwakhala mabwenzi abwino kapena ndinu mabwenzi abwino, pali kuthekera kuti mulumikizane ndikugawana ubale wowona mtima kuposa wina uliwonse. Komabe, palibe mwayi wachikondi.

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4. Zoyembekeza zakuthupi

Kodi ndinu watsopano kudziko la chibwenzi ndipo mukusokonezeka ndi zomwe mnzanu amayembekezera kuchokera kwa inu? Zingakhale zovuta kwambiri kudziwa ngati ziyembekezozo ndi zogonana. Malinga ndi kafukufukuyu , 25% ya nthawi, kugonana kumachitika pachibwenzi chosavuta kapena ndi mnzanu.

Kotero, zimasokoneza ngati simukudziwa ndalama zomwe mungagule komanso zomwe mungayembekezere. Kudzimva kuti mukuopa zomwe mukufuna kuchita pa kugonana ndikwachibadwa. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tikamalankhula za ubale wamba ndi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu, timaganizira kusiyana kwa zomwe zimayembekezeredwa muubwenzi wa onse awiri.

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Zoyembekeza zakuthupi sizikufotokozedwa bwino kotero pali mwayi woti anthu azilankhulana molakwika. Poyamba kapena nthawi yonseyi, onse awiri kapena aliyense wa iwo angakhale osafuna kuyambitsa chibwenzi. Ngati muli pachibwenzi chosakhazikika ndipo simukukhutira ndi zomwe muli nazo panopa, muyenera kuyamba kukambirana. Dziikeni nokha patsogolo, zina zonse zidzatsatira.

Mabwenzi okhala ndi ubwino: Komabe, FWB imaphatikizapo chiyembekezo chowonekera komanso cholimba cha ubale weniweni. Nthawi zambiri, onse awiri ali okonzeka kusunga ubale weniweni ndipo amangofuna kukwaniritsa chilakolako chawo chogonana. Chifukwa chake, chisokonezo sichichepa komanso kulankhulana bwino.

5. Kudalira maganizo

Tonse timadutsa masiku omwe timafunikira munthu m'modzi ameneyo kuti atigwire ndi kutibwezera ku malingaliro abwino. Ngakhale titha kukhala ndi wina wapadera m'maganizo, kodi akudzipanga kukhala odalirika kapena tikudutsa mizere ina?

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Ngati muli pachibwenzi chosakhazikika , mnzanuyo angakhale wokonzeka kudzipereka kuti mugwiritse ntchito. Izi ndi zoona makamaka ngati akufuna kupititsa patsogolo ubale wanu. Zikatero, amasonyeza kukhalapo kwamaganizo ndi kudalirana kwambiri. Yang'anirani ndikulankhulana.

Mabwenzi Okhala ndi Ubwino: Pakakhala mabwenzi omwe ali ndi ubwino, onse awiri sakonda kulowerera kwambiri m'miyoyo ya wina ndi mnzake, kupatulapo kuchuluka kwa kukhudzidwa komwe anthu awiri ochezeka angakhale nako kale kwa wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, ngati mnzanu sakufuna kugawana nanu katundu wa moyo wawo, koma mukufuna kugawana ndipo mukufuna kuti nawonso atero, nthawi zonse ndibwino kukonza zomwe mukuyembekezera.

6. Njira zolankhulirana

Anthu ena amakupangitsani kumva kutentha mokwanira kuti mutsegule chilichonse pomwe ena amakupangitsani kumva ozizira komanso opanda chidwi. Mu kafukufuku wofalitsidwa ndi Gottman JM, Krokoff LJ (1989) , adapeza kuti ngakhale muubwenzi wapabanja, kulankhulana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana kungapangitse kapena kuswa mgwirizano.

Chibwenzi chosafunikira: Poyamba, kulankhulana kumakhala kovuta komanso kovuta muubwenzi wosafunikira chifukwa cha chibadwa chake chosavuta. Komabe, mungamasulire mnzanu wosafunikira ngati muli ndi chikondi chokwanira chamaganizo . Ndipotu, anthu ena angaone kuti n'kosavuta kumasulire mnzanu wosafunikira kuposa wina aliyense.

Mabwenzi Omwe Ali ndi Ubwino: Ndikofunikira kulankhula za zosowa zanu zokhudzana ndi kugonana ndi malire. Zimakhala zofunikira kwambiri mu FWB kukhala omveka bwino za zomwe mungapereke ku mgwirizanowu ndi zomwe mukufuna kulandira. Komabe, chifukwa chake zingakhale zovuta ndi chifukwa cha ubale wabwino - pomwe kunena zosowa zogonana ndikuzisiyanitsa ndi zosowa zamaganizo kungakupangitseni kukhala osayenera poyamba.

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7. Kuganizira zamakhalidwe abwino pachibwenzi wamba vs abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu

Zambiri zitha kukwaniritsidwa za munthu ndi momwe amakhalira pomwe mnzake palibe. 

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Mu chibwenzi chosakhazikika, munthu ayenera kuchita zinthu motsatira mfundo zolimba za kudzidziwa bwino komanso mfundo zake. Munthu sayenera kupsompsona ndi kuuza ena. N'zodziwika bwino kuti onse awiri akukumana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana ndipo kusungabe chikondi nthawi zonse kumakhala kopindulitsa kwa nthawi yayitali.

Mabwenzi Omwe Ali ndi Ubwino: Mu FWB, kulankhulana pakati pa magulu awiriwa pankhani ya makhalidwe abwino n'kofunika kwambiri. Kuonana mtima kumagwira ntchito bwino kwa aliyense amene akukhudzidwa kuti mudziwe mayankho a mafunso awa: Kodi timauza anzathu omwe timacheza nawo kuti tikucheza? Ngati wina m'gulu lathu adziwa, kodi tili bwino bwanji ndi zimenezo? Kodi n'koyenera kugawana ndi mnzathu wapamtima wochokera m'gulu lathu? Ndi zina zotero.

	Chibwenzi Chachikopa	Abwenzi opeza cholowa
Kukumana ndi makolo awo	Mwina	Ayi
Kukumana ndi anzawo	Mwachionekere	Mwachionekere, ngati muli ndi anzanu apamtima
Zakudya zamadzulo ndi masiku a kanema	Mwachionekere	Ayi
Kukhalapo kwa ubale wakuthupi	Mwina	Mwachionekere
Kukambirana za tsogolo lanu	Mwachionekere	Ayi
Kupatula	Zokayikitsa	Ayi

8. Zokambirana zokhudza tsogolo

Pamene malonjezano okhwima ndi malonjezo ali mbali ya ubale, zimakhala zosavuta kudziwa zam'tsogolo. Komabe, ndi zolinga zotayirira komanso zolinga zosadziwika bwino, zinthu zimakhala zovuta. 

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Maubwenzi osakhazikika amadziwika kuti amabweretsa mgwirizano waukulu kwa nthawi yayitali. Koma ngati mukufuna zizindikiro zoti ubale wosakhazikika ukukulirakulira , musatero. Tikhulupirireni, n'kosavuta kufunsa mnzanu zomwe zikuchitika kusiyana ndi kupeza nokha zinthu. Kuphatikiza apo, podziwa kuti pakhoza kukhala anthu ena pachithunzichi, mungadzivutitse nokha ndi malingaliro achilendo.

Mabwenzi Omwe Ali ndi Ubwino: Mwayi wokhala pachibwenzi chachikondi umachepa kwambiri. Ngati mukufuna kugonana kwa nthawi yochepa, ndiyo njira yokhayo yopitira. Musamayembekezere lonjezo la muyaya m'malo omwe simungapeze.

Langizo la Pro: Chilichonse chomwe mungafune kuchokera pamalumikizidwe aliwonse, kumbukirani kulumikizana!

9. Malire osadziwika

Mu nkhani yofalitsidwa ndi Tinder , oposa 19% a Tinder bios adaphatikiza mawu oti "malire" mu mbiri zawo. Kaya ndi ubale wathu wa m'banja kapena wachikondi, mizere ina siyenera kudulidwa ndipo mitu yomwe siyenera kufotokozedwa. Ngati pakufunika kutero, nthawi zambiri amalangizidwa kuti azingoyang'ana mozungulira. Izi zimakhala njira zathu zowonetsera kuti timasamala. Tiyeni tikambirane za malire osanenedwa mu ubale wamba poyerekeza ndi abwenzi omwe ali ndi zabwino.

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Nazi malire ena muubwenzi wosakhazikika:

• Ubale wamba kumatenga nthawi kuti ukhale maubwenzi anthawi yayitali, ngati sichoncho. Choncho, mutu uliwonse wokhudza izi uyenera kuyankhidwa mosamala
• Simuyenera kukankhira munthu wina pazokambirana zilizonse zomwe sakufuna kukhala nazo
• Anthu ali ndi malire okhudzana ndi zochitika zina zomwe angafune kapena sakufuna kuchita nanu (kutuluka usana, mphatso, kuyimba foni pafupipafupi, ndi zina zambiri.) Chonde alemekezeni
• Malire akadali omasuka pang'ono mu ubale wamba popeza kuwonekera kwina kwamalingaliro kulipo kale

Mabwenzi okhala ndi maubwino: Izi zimachitikanso ndi anzawo okhala ndi maubwino.

• Kungoyang'ana pa mafoni awo a m'manja kapena kulowa m'miyoyo yawo ndi ayi
• Mu FWB, sikungakhale koyenera kukambirana zinthu zomwe zidafotokozedwa momveka bwino asanayambe kulumikizana
• Khalani osamala ndipo khalani omvetsetsana pazochitika za wina ndi mnzake

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zitsanzo 19 za Malire Abwino Mu Ubale

10. Nthawi yokhala pamodzi muubwenzi wamba motsutsana ndi abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu

Nthawi yabwino kwa munthu m'modzi ingatanthauze kugona pansi pa udzu wobiriwira ndikuyang'ana nyenyezi zokongola. Kwa ena, kungakhale kukhala pansi ndikulankhulana wina ndi mnzake pa kapu ya khofi. Kwa anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi kapena okondana, nthawi yabwino ingatanthauzenso kugwira ntchito yogonana kwambiri. Ndiye, kodi zikutanthauza chiyani kwa inu?

Chibwenzi chosakhazikika: Ubwenzi wosakhazikika umafuna kukhala nthawi yambiri limodzi kuti mulimbikitse ubale wanu. Monga tanenera kale, kupita kokacheza kapena kukumana ndi banja lanu kungakhalenso gawo lofunika kwambiri pa chibwenzi ndi munthu wosakhazikika. Kuchita zonsezi pamodzi kungatanthauze cholinga cholimbitsa ubale wanu koma kungatanthauzenso ... palibe.

Mabwenzi Okhala ndi Ubwino: Bwenzi lanu lokhala ndi Ubwino lingakumane nanu nthawi zina ndipo lingakhutiritseni mwanjira imodzi yokha kuposa ambiri. Ngati mukufuna ubale wapamtima, fufuzani mitundu ina ya maubwenzi. Mwina FWB si yoyenera kwa inu.

Chofunika kwambiri? Musaganize mopitirira muyeso kapena kuganiza kuti ubale wanu ndi wotani. Lankhulani ndi kupitiriza. Ngati mukudabwa kuti muyenera kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu nthawi yayitali bwanji , yankho lake ndi loti nthawi yayitali bwanji. Musamangoganizira kwambiri za kupanga chibwenzi kuchokera mu nthawi yanu yocheza. Izi zingakupangitseni kupanikizika nonse ndikuwononga maziko osalimba a mphamvu. Dziwani zomwe mukufuna ndipo dziperekani moyenera.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.