Zizindikiro 8 Kuti Mukudzitaya Nokha Paubwenzi Ndi Njira 5 Zoti Mudzipezenso

Kodi muli pano mukuyang'ana zizindikiro zodzitaya paubwenzi? Chabwino, ngati mwasiya kuwonera pulogalamu yanu kapena kusiya mbale yanu yomwe mumakonda kwambiri chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo amadana nayo, mukutayika pang'onopang'ono pachibwenzi. Ngati mwapanga wokondedwa wanu kukhala pakati pa dziko lanu ndikutengera moyo wawo waubwenzi ngati wanu, mudzamva kuti mwatsekeredwa posachedwa.

Malingaliro otaya chizindikiritso chanu angakhale obisika ngati awa koma adzawoneka ngati osadziwika kwa nthawi yayitali. Kuthera mphindi iliyonse yodzuka kukhala m'chikondi kumakhala kodabwitsa mpaka kumabweretsa vuto lalikulu lodziwika. Pamapeto pake, chilichonse chomwe chimakupangitsani kukhala 'inu' chimayamba kusungunuka kukhala zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe sakonda mnzanuyo.

Ndipo pamapeto pake mumaganiza kuti, "Ndine ndani? Kodi ndine ndekhanso? ​​Ndimadzimva kuti ndataya mtima chifukwa zikhalidwe zanga ndi malingaliro anga ali ofunikira kwa mnzanga." Chabwino, tili pano kuti tikuwonetseni momwe kudzimva kuti watayika muukwati kapena ubale wapoizoni ungawonekere ndikutsimikizira chikhumbo chanu chopumira pachibwenzi kuti mupeze nokha.

Kodi Kudzitaya Nokha Mu Ubwenzi Kumatanthauza Chiyani?

Kudzitaya paubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti mumasiya pang'onopang'ono umunthu uliwonse, khalidwe lililonse lapadera, zokhumba zilizonse, chilakolako chilichonse, ndi cholinga chomwe chimakupangitsani kukhala munthu wabwino. Jennifer Lopez adapereka malangizo omveka bwino okhudza kudzikonda ndi kukonda munthu wina pofunsana naye, "Uyenera kudzikonda wekha kaye. Uyenera kukhala bwino wekha usanakhale bwino ndi munthu wina. Uyenera kudziona kuti ndiwe wofunika ndi kudziwa kuti ndiwe wofunika chilichonse."

Monga momwe amafotokozera, ndikofunikira kwambiri kukhalabe payekhapayekha pamene mukugawana moyo wanu ndi munthu wina. Ngati mumathera nthawi yanu yambiri kuganiza, "Ndikutayika ndekha muubwenzi," kodi muli mu a ubale wabwino? Ndi zinthu ziti zomwe mukulakwitsa? Musanaphatikizepo kukhala pachimake chachikulu ndi mnzanu wapano, tiyeni tiwone momwe zimakhalira kutaya chinsinsi chanu kwa okondedwa wanu:

• Mwina mwasiya kuchita zinthu zomwe simukugwirizana nazo ndi mnzanuyo
• Kukhala wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi moyo wa mnzako komanso mosemphanitsa kumapangitsa kuti malingaliro anu akhale abwino komanso cholinga cha moyo wanu.
• Mutha kudziwa kuti mukudzitaya wekha m'malingaliro mukakhala kuti mulibe mphamvu pa moyo wanu
• Ngati nthawi zambiri mumamva dzanzi, osatsimikiza, komanso kukhala ndi moyo pa autopilot mode, zitha kukhala chimodzi mwazizindikiro zakutaya ubale wanu.
• Zitha kuwoneka ngati kupandukira mtima wanu, moyo wanu, ndi malingaliro anu, ndikudzichitira nokha zopanda chilungamo
• Chidziwitso chanu chachikulu ndikuti ndinu bwenzi la wina kapena mnzanu osati dzina ndi udindo womwe mwadzipangira nokha
• Malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu, ndi mfundo zazikuluzikulu zikuwoneka zachiwiri pamene mukuyesera kukondweretsa wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse povomereza zonse zomwe akunena ndi zomwe akufuna.

Zizindikiro 8 Kuti Mukudzitaya Nokha Mu Ubale

Kudzitaya nokha ndikoipa kuposa kutaya anthu omwe mumawakonda. Ubale umene muli nawo ndi inu nokha umapanga maziko a maubwenzi ena onse m'moyo wanu. Pamene simuli nokha, nthawi zonse zimakhala ndi zotsatira zovuta pa china chilichonse chomwe mumachikonda. Pokhapokha ngati muli okondwa komanso okhutira monga momwe mulili, mumayembekezera bwanji kuti mnzanuyo akhale ndi ubale wokwanira? Chifukwa chake, kuti mupindule nokha komanso mnzanu, izi ndi zina mwazizindikiro zazikulu zakutaya ubale wanu:

Kuwerenga Kofanana: 13 Njira Zokongola Zodzipangira Chibwenzi

1. Mwasiya kuchita zinthu zimene mumakonda

Mayi anga nthaŵi ina anandiuza kuti: “Ndinadziona kuti ndataya mtima m’chibwenzi.

Kodi nanunso mwatanganidwa kwambiri ndi chibwenzi chanu moti mwasiya kupeza nthawi yochita zinthu zimene mumazikondadi? Kutha kukhala kucheza ndi anzanu apamtima, kuchita zomwe mumakonda, kusinkhasinkha, kapena kulemba. Hei, mwina mwasiya kudziyang'ana pagalasi osasiya kutsatira dongosolo lachikopa la magawo khumi.

Mukudziwa chiyani, kudzisamalira komanso kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino ndi inu ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi thanzi labwino m'maganizo ndi thupi. Kusiya zinthu zonse zosangalatsa zomwe zimakubweretserani chisangalalo ndi mtendere, ndikuganizira za ubale wanu nthawi zambiri, zimangobweretsa vuto.

2. Simungayime kukhala kutali ndi okondedwa wanu

Monga momwe mawu a Jhené Aiko amamvekera, "Simukufuna nthawi. Iyi ndi nthawi yanu ndi ine." Izi zitha kumveka zachikondi kwambiri munyimbo koma zenizeni, mumafunikira nthawi imeneyo. Muyenera kudzipatsa nokha zokwanira danga lanu ndi nthawi, osati kusunga chizindikiritso chanu mu ubale koma akatswiri ndi munthu kukula komanso. Ngati zotsatirazi zikumveka ngati zomveka, mungakhale mukudzitaya m'maganizo pokonda munthu wina:

• Nthawi zambiri simumasunga nthawi yokhala nokha pandandanda yanu
• Mukufuna kukhala nawo mphindi iliyonse tsiku lililonse ndipo simupita kulikonse popanda wina wanu wofunikira
• Mumada nkhawa kutali ndi mnzanu ndipo simukumbukira zomwe mumachita popanda iwo m'moyo wanu
• Moyo wanu wocheza nawo tsopano ukuchepa chifukwa iwo ndi bwenzi lanu lokhalo

3. Anzanu ndi achibale anu akuda nkhawa ndi inu

Pamene ndinali kudzitaya ndekha paubwenzi, woopsa kwambiri pa nkhaniyi, anzanga ndi achibale anga amawona miyezi ingapo ndisanathe. Amangondiuza zinthu ngati kuti ndakhala wosiyana ndi ine ndipo ndawasiya chifukwa sitikhalanso ndi nthawi. Ndinali wokana kotheratu kotero kuti sindinamvere mawu awo ndikulola maubwenzi anga onse kuvutika chifukwa cha munthu m'modzi yemwe adandipangitsa kudzikayikira ndekha.

Tikakhala m'chikondi, timavala magalasi owoneka bwino ndikusiya kuwona chilichonse mbendera yofiira mwa mnzanu. Chifukwa chake, tikufuna anthu omwe angatigwedeze ndikutipatsa cheke chenicheni. Musalakwitsenso zomwe ndinalakwitsa ndipo mverani malangizo a okondedwa anu. Ngati iwo akuda nkhawa kuti mukupereka monyanyira wekha mu ubwenzi, inu kulibwino kupeza njira kusiya kutaya kudziwika wanu pamaso ndi mochedwa kwambiri.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Kucheza ndi Anzanu Kumathandizire Kukulitsa Ubale Wanu

4. Nchifukwa chiyani mukudzimva kuti mwatayika muubwenzi? Kupanda malire

Kodi mumadzipeza kuti mukuvomera kukhala gawo la mapulani ndi zochitika zomwe simusangalala nazo? Mwachitsanzo, mutha kukhala munthu wokonda kuwerenga mabuku kapena kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi / kusinkhasinkha mu nthawi yanu yaulere. Koma kuyambira pamene munali pachibwenzi, mumakakamizika kupita kuphwando chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo ndi wonyansa. Mwatopa. Kukhazikitsa malire pachibwenzi sikungabweretse malingaliro olakwika ngati awa:

• Kuvomereza zogonana ngakhale simuli m'malingaliro kuti musakhumudwitse malingaliro awo
• Kukhala bwino ndi okondedwa wanu popanga zisankho pazachuma chilichonse popanda kufunsira
• Kuchita ndi zochitika pamene mnzanuyo sakusonyeza ulemu kwa maola anu ogwira ntchito kapena nthawi yanu yokha
• Kukhala bwino akakupanga mapulani m'malo mwanu popanda kufunsana nanu
• Kukhala mu a maubwenzi otukwana ndi kulola wokondedwa wanu mobwerezabwereza kupereka ndemanga zopweteka kapena kupanga nthabwala zomwe zimakupangitsani inu maganizo

Kupanga mtendere ndi malire osayenera ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kutaya nokha mu chiyanjano. Ngati simungathe kudziyika nokha patsogolo ndikuzengereza kunena zomwe mumakonda ndi zomwe simukonda kwa mnzanuyo, pamapeto pake zitha kuwononga kudzidalira kwanu ndikukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu osakwanira pa gawo lililonse la moyo. Ndiye, mumatani mukaona ngati mukudzitaya wekha komanso malire anu? Kuphunzira kunena kuti 'ayi' ndi chiyambi chabwino.

5. Mumamva kuti simukugwirizana ndi zomwe mukumva

Alan Robrge akuwonetsa pa njira yake ya YouTube, Attachment Trauma Therapist: “Ndikudzinyenga ngati mukukana zosoŵa zanu ndi zikhumbo zanu mwa kudzilingalira ndi kudziuza nokha kuti kuli bwino kukhalabe paubwenzi wachipwirikiti, wosakhutiritsa, wovuta umene umangodzetsa kukhumudwa kosatha.” Mumapitiriza kupereka phindu la kukaikira kwa mnzanuyo, ngakhale pamene unansi umenewu ulibe kukhazikika kwamaganizo kokhazikika ndipo nthaŵi zonse mumadzimva kukhala wosamvetsetseka, wotayidwa, ndi wokanidwa.

"Ngati mukudziwa kuti mnzanuyo akuwonetsa kuchepa kwamalingaliro ndipo mukuyeserabe kudzitsimikizira kuti muli bwino ndi momwe mumachitira, mumatha kudzitsekera nokha ndikudzimva kuti simukukhudzidwa ndi malingaliro anu." Kutaya chidziwitso muubwenzi kumatha kukhala ngati kusagwirizana, kusakhalapo kwathunthu, pamene mukudziwonetsera nokha kuti simuli okondwa ngakhale mkati mwanu.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kunyalanyaza Mwamalingaliro Mu Ubale - Tanthauzo, Zizindikiro Ndi Masitepe Othana nawo

6. Moyo wanu umakhala pa okondedwa wanu

Kodi mungatsimikize bwanji kuti mukutaya chidziwitso muubwenzi wanu komanso kuti si gawo lovuta la moyo? Kuti tikuthandizeni kupeza yankho la funsoli, tili ndi mafunso angapo otsatira:

• Kodi mumathera nthawi kuganizira, kulankhula ndi, kapena kulota za mnzanu kwa gawo lalikulu la tsiku?
• Kodi simukhala ndi moyo kunja kwa ubale wanu ndipo moyo wanu waubwenzi ukucheperachepera chifukwa mumangoletsa zolinga zina zokhala ndi mnzanu? 
• Kodi mwasintha kwambiri kwa iwo kuti tsopano ndinu kopi ya kaboni ya mnzanuyo?
• Kodi chisangalalo chanu chimadalira bwenzi lanu ndipo mumataya malingaliro nthawi zonse mukakumana ndi zovuta zaubwenzi?
• Kodi mumalandira chivomerezo cha okondedwa wanu popanga zisankho zing'onozing'ono?
• Kodi mukuwopa kutaya wokondedwa wanu kuti mumatha kunyalanyaza zolinga zanu, ndipo inu nokha pamwamba pa zonse, kuposa momwe muyenera? 

Zonsezi ndi zosatsutsika zizindikiro za ubale wodalirana. Mwinamwake pali mphotho yabodza kapena malipiro okhudzidwa. Mwachitsanzo, "Mnzanga amanditenga ngati zopanda pake, koma ndiwe wodabwitsa pabedi." Kapena mnzanuyo ndi wolemera / wotchuka / wamphamvu ndipo mwamangiriza kuti ndinu ndani kwambiri ndi msinkhu wake kuti mutha kuchita chilichonse kuti musunge, ngakhale zikutanthawuza kuwalola kuti ayende pa inu. 

7. Mumalemekeza wokondedwa wanu

Kodi mukukumbukira khalidwe la Pacey Witter kuchokera Mtsinje wa Dawson ndani chithunzithunzi cha munthu amene idealizes wokondedwa wake? Pali chochitika chomwe Pacey amafunsa Andie, "N'chifukwa chiyani umandikonda? Ndine wosokoneza, Andie. Ndilibe maganizo. Ndilibe chitetezo. Ndipo kwa moyo wanga, sindingathe kumvetsa chifukwa chake mkazi ngati iwe angavutike kuti azisamala za ine." 

Kuyika wokondedwa wanu pachimake chokwera kwambiri kotero kuti simungaone zolakwa zake ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kutaya chibwenzi. Ubale woterewu umachokera ku vuto lomwe liripo kapena kudzidalira komwe kumapangitsa munthu kudzimva kuti si kanthu kunja kwa ubale wawo. Amafika mpaka polingalira zolakwa ndi zolakwa za mnzawoyo.

Mwachitsanzo, bwenzi langa Justin angalungamitse khalidwe la bwenzi lake lotentha ndi lozizira mwa kunena kuti, “Iye anakumana ndi tsoka m’banja lake zaka zingapo zapitazo ndipo kupwetekedwa mtimako kunampangitsa kukhala wosapezeka mwamalingaliro. Adanena izi ngakhale kuti mnzakeyo adamupangitsa kuti afike pomwe Justin adatsala nthawi zonse akufunafuna chitsimikiziro cha chikondi. Ngati zinthu zafika pamenepa, kupuma pachibwenzi kudzipeza wekha silingakhale lingaliro loipa.

8. Nthawi zonse mumayang'ana zododometsa

Tiye tikambirane za kudzimva kuti watayika m’banja. Mnzanga wina dzina lake Paul anandiuza kuti: “Nditayamba kudziona kuti ndasokonekera muukwati wanga, ndinayamba kuchita zinthu zosayenera. Ndinayamba kumwa kwambiri, kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi, kapena kugwira ntchito maola owonjezera kuti ndipewe kukumana ndi zenizeni.

Ngati mukuvutika ngati mmene Paulo anachitira, dziwani kuti pali njira yopulumukira. Ngati chizindikiritso chitayika, chikhoza kupezekanso. Kudziwa kuti mukutaya 'ine' pamene mukukhala 'ife' ndi vumbulutso lamphamvu. Mukakhala olimba mtima kuti mukhale oona mtima, zimakhala zosavuta kukonza ubale wanu ndi inu nokha. Nazi njira zingapo zomwe zingakuthandizeni kupeza nokha komanso kukankha komwe kumapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wamoyo.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ndikufuna Malo - Ndi Njira Yabwino Yotani Yofunsira Malo Mu Ubale

Njira 5 Zoti Mudzipezenso

Kodi mwawona kanema Idyani, Pempherani, Chikondi? Kodi mukukumbukira mmene Liz anadzitayira muukwati wake ndipo anagwiritsira ntchito chisudzulo monga chodzutsa chodzidzimutsa cha kudzizindikiritsa yekha? Anatuluka m'malo ake otonthoza ndikuyamba ulendo wautali kuti adzidziwe. Kotero, ngati si ulendo wapadziko lonse wa chaka chonse, mumatani mukaona ngati mukudzitaya? Kuganizira za ubale wanu nthawi zambiri kapena kufuna kutsimikiziridwa kuti palibe chomwe chasintha sikungakuthandizeni.

M'malo mwake, muyenera kugwiritsa ntchito izi ngati mwayi wolumikizana ndi mkati mwa malingaliro anu, thupi lanu, ndi moyo wanu ndikupeza mayankho a mafunso ofunikira. Mukufuna chiyani kwenikweni? Kodi ndi zinthu ziti zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala osangalala? Pamene mukumva dzanzi, ndi njira yanji yomwe mumatenga kuti mukhalenso mwamtendere? Tili ndi malangizo oti tigawane nanu pezanso uli pachibwenzi ndikusangalala ndi zomwe mumakonda komanso cholinga cha moyo wanu:

1. Pitani nokha

Kungoti muli pachibwenzi sizikutanthauza kuti mwasiya kusangalala nokha. Nthawi ndi nthawi, ndipatseni nthawi - maora angapo kuchokera tsiku lanu lotanganidwa. Kungakhale kupita ku chakudya chamadzulo chapamwamba, kukagula nokha m’misika, kudya nokha ku resitilanti, kuthamanga ndi kuvala zomvera m’makutu, kuwerenga buku, kumwa tokha pabala lina, kapena ngakhale kupita nokha. Chinsinsi chosunga umunthu wanu muubwenzi ndicho kukhala bwenzi lanu lapamtima. Pezani nyumba yanu mwa inu nokha. Phunzirani kusangalala ndi kukhala nokha.  

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungadzikonde Nokha - Malangizo 21 Odzikonda

2. Dzichepetseni nokha

Kutalikirana ndi malingaliro ndi malingaliro anu ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro zakutaya ubale wanu. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kupanga mgwirizano pakati pa malingaliro anu, thupi lanu, ndi moyo wanu. Zochita zolimbitsa thupi zingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi mantha odzitaya paubwenzi:

• Yesetsani kupuma mozama
• Khalani ndi nthawi mu chilengedwe
• Mvetserani nyimbo zolimbikitsa
• Muzigona mokwanira
• Khalani ndi nyuzipepala yoyamikira kapena magazini momwe mungatulutsire
• Chitani chilichonse chomwe chimakhudza thupi lanu monga kuyenda, kuvina, kapena kusambira
• Chepetsani malingaliro olakwika ndi anthu ndi zinthu zina zomwe zimakupangitsani kukayikira kuti ndinu wofunika

3. Muziikanso patsogolo anthu ena

Kukhala ndi bwenzi tsopano sizikutanthauza kuti mumapeputsa phindu la ubwenzi m'moyo wanu. Chezani ndi anthu omwe amakupangitsani kudzimva kuti ndinu wowona mtima kwambiri. Khalani ndi nthawi yambiri ndi anzanu aubwana, omwe amakukondani ngakhale pazovuta zanu ndipo samakuweruzani. Muzipeza nthawi yocheza ndi anthu amene sakuchititsani kuganiza kuti mumayenera kunamizira kuti akuvomerezeni. Mphamvu zomwe mumapeza kuchokera kwa anthuwa zidzakupatsani mwayi womwe umapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wolimba.

4. Khalani wokonzeka kuchokapo

Kaya ndi ubale watsopano pomwe palibe kulemekezana kwenikweni kapena ubale wakale wasokoneza thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, izi ndi zizindikiro muyenera kuchoka pachibwenzi. Muyenera kukhulupirira kuti mwina muli ndi mphamvu zopanga moyo womwe mukufuna ndipo simuyenera kukhazikika pazocheperapo (ndikuwaona ngati zatsopano). Dziwani kuti kudziletsa nthawi zonse sikuli bwino ndipo lankhulani ngati simungapeze makhalidwe omwe amakupangitsani kukhala 'inu /'

5. Pezani chithandizo

Chithandizo ndi mphatso yayikulu kwambiri yomwe mungadzipatse nokha. Mukalankhula ndi wothandizira yemwe ali ndi chilolezo, mumamva kuti mukumveka ndikutsimikiziridwa. Kupeza kumasulidwa kwa malingaliro anu mu gawo lamankhwala kungakhale njira yabwino yothanirana ndi mantha odzitaya paubwenzi. Katswiri atha kukuthandizani kuzindikira mavuto (omwe amachokera ku zovuta zaubwana) ndipo atha kukupatsani mayankho oyenera. Alangizi athu ku Bonobology zangodinanso. 

Tsopano popeza mutha kuwona kufooka kwanu kuchokera kuzizindikiro zotha kudzitaya paubwenzi, musazengereze kudziyika nokha patsogolo. Ngati mukufuna malo, ingotsimikizani ndikufotokozera mnzanuyo. Mutha kukondweretsa mnzanu pokhapokha mutadzisangalatsa nokha. Dzadzani chikho chanu choyamba. Tetezani thanzi lanu lamalingaliro. Mukakhala ndi chidaliro pakhungu lanu komanso zomwe zili m'moyo wanu, ndiye kuti mutha kuyembekezera kudzipereka ku ubale wachimwemwe ndi wathanzi.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Meyi 2023.

Ibibazo

Momwe Mungadzitetezere Mwamtima Kwa Winawake - Njira 10

Nkhawa Zopatukana Mu Ubale - Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Mungapirire Bwanji?

Momwe Mungasiyire Ubale Wapoizoni - Dziwani Kuchokera kwa Katswiri

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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