Kusuntha ndi njira yovuta yomwe imabweretsa zabwino za ife mpaka maondo athu. Koma mukamalimbana ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi, nkhondoyi imakhala yovuta kwambiri. Palibe yankho lotsimikizirika limene limafotokoza mmene mungalekerere kukonda munthu amene sakukondani; chikondi chosaneneka chimasweka mtima ndipo chilibe mankhwala odziwikiratu. Koma ngakhale sindingathe kukupatsani yankho lofanana, pali malangizo angapo ndi njira zothetsera zomwe zingakuthandizeni panjira.
Nkhani yovuta komanso yophatikizana ngati imeneyi imakambidwa bwino ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino za thanzi la maganizo yemwe angakhale bwenzi lathu komanso wotitsogolera. Lero tili ndi Pragati Surekha , katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi wa Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School. Pragati wakhala akugwira ntchito yazaumoyo wamaganizo kwa zaka khumi ndi zisanu zapitazi ndipo amagwira ntchito yopereka uphungu kwa munthu payekha kudzera muzinthu zokhudzana ndi malingaliro.
Ali pano kuti ayankhe mafunso anu onse - Mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondaninso? Kodi mungapewe malingaliro achikondi? Ndipo kodi n’zotheka kusiya kukonda munthu koma kukhalabe mabwenzi? Tiyeni tifufuze mozama za mbali izi za kuchoka ku chikondi chosayenerera.
Kodi Mungaleke Kukonda Munthu Amene Sakukondani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mwina mwatuluka muubwenzi woipa pomwe munkadzipereka kwambiri ; chikondi chilichonse chomwe chinalipo, chinali cha inu. Kapena mwina mumakonda munthu amene palibe mwayi wokhala paubwenzi. Mulimonsemo, mukufuna kutseka chaputala chino cha moyo wanu kuti mupite patsogolo ndikupezanso chimwemwe. Ndikudziwa kuti izi n'zosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita, chifukwa chake, kodi mungasiye kukonda munthu amene sakukondaninso?
Ngakhale zingamve ngati dziko likutha, zinthu zimayenda bwino pakapita nthawi. 'Imani' atha kukhala mawu olakwika oti mugwiritse ntchito, koma pamapeto pake mumapitilira ndikutsanzikana ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda koma samakukondaninso. Mumalimbana ndi malingaliro oyipa ndikupeza chimwemwe kachiwiri. Koma izi ziyenera kuchitika mwadongosolo kwambiri. Simungafulumire zinthu popanda kupanga maziko nokha.
Pragati ananena mochenjera kuti, “Chikondi sichingalakwiridwe kapena kunyalanyazidwa mukayamba moyo wanu. Simungakakamize malingaliro anu. Amakhalabe pamenepo kwa kanthawi ndipo muyenera kuphunzira luso ndi sayansi yogwirira ntchito nawo. Perekani nthawi ndikugwira ntchitoyo kuchokera kumapeto kwanu. Ululu umachepa ndipo mumachira - kuleza mtima ndiye njira yochiritsira.”
Mwambiwu umati, zinthu zonse zimakhala zovuta zisanakhale zophweka. Musanawerenge mopitilira, apa pali chiyembekezo - pali chiyembekezo chambiri kwa inu. Tengani cholinga cha machiritso mu mtima mwanu ndikuyika malingaliro onse pa inu nokha. Chodetsa nkhaŵa chanu chokha chiyenera kukhala ubwino wanu, osati munthu amene mumamukonda. Kuganizira za iwe mwini ndiko kusiya kukonda munthu amene sakukonda. Tsopano popeza (mwachiyembekezo) mwadziika patsogolo, titha kuyamba.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 8 Zanzeru Zothanirana ndi Kukanidwa M'chikondi
Malangizo 9 Akatswiri Oletsa Kukonda Munthu Amene Sakukondani
Upangiri waupangiri musanapitirire ndi malangizowa - osataya malingaliro aliwonse omwe ali pansipa. Chikhululukireni ngakhale chikuwoneka ngati chaching'ono kapena 'sichinthu chanu.' Yandikirani njirazi ndi malingaliro otseguka kwambiri ndi mtima; pali njira zosiyanasiyana zopitira patsogolo ndipo simudzadziwa kuti ndi iti yomwe ingadina. Khalani ndi lingaliro lililonse ndikuwatengera. Zikhazikitseni m'njira yanuyanu chifukwa palibe mawonekedwe achilengedwe onse okhala ndi machiritso amalingaliro.
Ndikungokupemphani kuti musangalatse lingaliro lililonse ngakhale simulikonda. Funso lanu - mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? - ndizovuta, pambuyo pake. Ndipo chifukwa chake, yankho silikhala lalifupi. Werengani kuti mudziwe zomwe mungachite pamenepa. Ndidzakhala ndi inu njira iliyonse.
1. Kuwunika ndi kuvomereza - Mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi?
Arthur Phillips analemba mwanzeru kuti, “Kodi angawononge moyo wake wotani akuvutika? Kupweteka si vuto lokhazikika; liyenera kukhazikika mu chinthu china.” Ndipo izi zikumveka zoona kwa inunso. Chikondi chosabwezedwa sichikhalitsa; chimayamba kukuwonongani kuchokera mkati. Kuti muthetse vutoli, mumayamba ndi kuwunika ndi kuvomereza.
Muyenera kuyang'ana momwe zinthu ziliri mu lens yothandiza. Dzifunseni mafunso atatu ngati mukuyesera kumvetsetsa momwe mungasiye kukonda munthu amene sakukondani:
- Kodi pali chiyembekezo chilichonse choti chikondi changa chibwezeredwa?
- Kodi ndingapitirize kuwakonda popanda kusokoneza chimwemwe changa?
- Ngati anaika ubwino wawo patsogolo, kodi sindiyenera kuchita chimodzimodzi?
Popeza sipangakhale tsogolo ndi munthu uyu, njira yowonekera bwino ikupita patsogolo. Landirani zinthu momwe zilili; mphamvu yakumverera kwanu, kusatheka kwa tsogolo ndi iwo, ndi mfundo yakuti mudzayenera kuwasiya. Gwirani mbali zonse zitatu ndikuloleni kuti mukhale achisoni. Mutha kulola mbali yamalingaliro kutengapo mbali mukazindikira momwe zinthu zilili.
Pragati akufotokoza kuti: "Taonani mosavuta, ngati mutapereka mbale ya chakudya kwa munthu ndipo alibe njala, angakukanizeni chifukwa zomwe mukupereka sizikugwirizana ndi dongosolo lawo.
2. Mungaleke bwanji kukonda munthu amene sakukondani? Kutalikirana ndi kuleza mtima
Izi ndi zigawo zofunika kwambiri mukafuna kunena zabwino kwa munthu yemwe mumamukonda koma samakukondaninso. Kuyesera kukhala mabwenzi kapena kulumikizana ndi munthu wakale sizikuwoneka ngati kungagwire ntchito chifukwa nthawi zambiri zimatsagana ndi cholinga chowabwezera. Ngakhale mumakhulupirira kwambiri, zolinga zanu si zabwino. Ndi bwino kukhala kutali ndi munthu amene mumamukonda.
Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muziyenda njira ina akakuyandikirani. Osamangokhalira kulankhula nawo. Tsatirani lamulo la 'kulankhula mukayankhulidwa'. Kuyika mtunda pakati pa inu nonse kumapangitsanso kuti zinthu zikhale bwino. N’zovuta kudziwa mmene tikumvera tikakhala nthawi zonse ndi munthu amene tikumufunsayo.
Ndipo chachiwiri, khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha. Ngati malingaliro anu akuzungulirabe ku malingaliro awo, kapena ngati mukulephera kuyang'ana pa ntchito zofunika kwambiri, musakhumudwe kapena kukwiya. Mutha kuwomba fuse yanu pazinthu zazing'ono kwambiri chifukwa mukuyesera kupewa malingaliro achikondi. Koma lidzafika tsiku limene simudzadabwa kuti mungaleke bwanji kukonda munthu amene sakukondani. Ingokhalani mmenemo, ichinso chidzadutsa.
Wowerenga wina wochokera ku Nashville analemba kuti, “Kuleza mtima sikunandibweretsere vuto. Pamene ndinkayesetsa kuthetsa vuto la mnzanga wapamtima, kuleza mtima ndiko kunali kofunika kwambiri. Chifukwa pamene mukuyesera kusiya kukonda munthu amene sakukondaninso, mumalowetsa mkwiyo mkati. Inenso ndinali kulakwitsa poyesa kusiya kukonda munthu wina koma kukhalabe mabwenzi . Zinandipweteka kwambiri pambuyo pake ndipo ndinayamba kusinkhasinkha kuti ndidzithandize kukhala bwino.”
3. Kulimbikitsa maubwenzi ena
Muli ndi chikondi chochuluka mu mtima mwanu ndipo mulibe malo oti chipiteko. Kapena mukuganiza choncho. Tengani miniti ndikuwonanso maubwenzi amtengo wapatali omwe mumagawana ndi ena - anzanu, makolo, abale, ngakhale ogwira nawo ntchito. Angakhale okondwa kulandira chikondi chanu lero. Chifukwa chake, lemberani bwenzi lanu lapamtima ndipo mukakumane nawo nkhomaliro. Onerani kanema ndi makolo anu kapena muwaphikire chakudya chamadzulo chokoma. Ndipo pitani mukamwe zakumwa ndi mnzanuyo kuti munene miseche zachikondi chaposachedwa chapaofesi.
Pali anthu ambiri m'moyo wanu omwe amayamikira kulumikizana komwe mumagawana nawo. Ndikudziwa kuti mukuyesera kusiya kukonda munthu yemwe simungakhale naye, koma lolani chikondi ichi chikulitse maubwenzi ena omwe muli nawo. Anzanu ndi abale anu akhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali kuposa amene mumamukonda. Chikondi chimene muli nacho pa mnzanu sichibwerera m’mbuyo. M’malo mosiya kukonda munthu koma kukhalabe mabwenzi, ganizirani za anthu ena pa moyo wanu. Osatengera njira yanu yothandizira - limbitsani mwayi uliwonse womwe mungapeze.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Chikondi Choopsa cha Limence? Zizindikiro 7 Zomwe Zimatanthauza Kutero
4. Kuyesetsa kudzikonda
Pragati akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti: “M’lingaliro langa, njira yabwino koposa yochitira ndi chikondi ndiyo mwa chikondi.” (Ndicho chifukwa chake simuyenera kupeŵa malingaliro achikondi.) Maziko anu a kudzikonda akakhazikika, mumakhala wokonzekera kulimbana ndi mavuto amene maunansi ena amakhalapo—ngakhale chikondi chakupha kapena chosayenerera.
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene sakukondani? Mwa kulimbitsa ubale wanu ndi inu nokha. Kodi muli ndi chithunzi chodzidalira? Kapena ndinu wozunzidwa ndi kudzida ? Kodi mumakonda kwambiri chibwenzi chanu? Ndi zochitika ziti zomwe zakuthandizani kuti muyambe kukondana? Yesani kuyankha mafunso awa nokha ngati mukufuna kusiya kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye.
Pezani madera amavuto ndikuthetsa mavuto. Ndiwe woweruza wabwino kwambiri pazida zanu zankhondo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati vuto limakhala lodzikayikira, yesetsani kudzidalira komanso kudzidalira. Ngati luso loyankhulana ndi dipatimenti yomwe mulibe, yesani luso lanu locheza ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi.
5. Lekani kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye pofunafuna thandizo la akatswiri
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi, mukufunsa? Kugwirana pang'ono ndi dzanja kungakhale kothandiza kwambiri pa vuto lanu. Katswiri wa zamaganizo angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi mavuto amenewa m'moyo wanu. Kusatetezeka kwambiri kumawonekera chikondi chanu chikakhala cha mbali imodzi. Maganizo okana, mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, chisoni, chisoni ndi nkhawa zimakuvutitsani nthawi imodzi. Kudziwa momwe mungasiyire kukonda munthu amene sakukondani n'kovuta. Pazochitika zazikulu, anthu amasonyezanso zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo.
Katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito kapena mlangizi akhoza kukutsogolerani mu malingaliro osasangalatsa awa. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi gulu la akatswiri omwe ali pafupi nanu omwe ali pafupi nanu. Angakuthandizeni kuwunika momwe mulili. Chonde titumizireni uthenga ngati muli ndi vuto la maganizo - tili nanu ndipo tikumvetsa kuti kukonda munthu amene sakukondaninso n’kopweteka kwambiri.
Ndikoyenera kukana malingaliro aliwonse odzidalira kwambiri pa chithandizo. Mlongo wanga anali kupita kuchisudzulo ndipo anali adakali m'chikondi ndi mwamuna wake wakale yemwe posachedwapa. Koma kusiyana kwawo kunali kosatheka ndipo kukhalabe m’banja kunali kusokoneza ulemu wake. Polephera kupitilira, komabe adatsimikiza kutero, adafikira kwa psychotherapist. Ngakhale kuti ulendo wake unali wosasintha, ulendo wake unali wofewa.
6. Kutumiza mphamvu zanu kwina
Kodi pali ntchito yomwe mukufuna kuchita? Kapena china chake chosavuta - buku lomwe mukufuna kuwerenga? Gwiritsani ntchito mwayi uwu kuchita zinthu izi. Cholinga chake si kusokoneza malingaliro, koma kupewa kuti asagwere mu ulesi kapena kutaya mtima. Izi ndi zochita zabwino kwambiri mukadali osakwatira koma simunakonzekere kusakanikirana. Anthu nthawi zambiri amalankhula za zosangalatsa zazing'ono za moyo; kumwa khofi wabwino, kuonera kulowa kwa dzuwa, kuyenda mu paki, kukhala m'nyumba madzulo amvula, ndi zina zotero. N'chiyani chimakusangalatsani?
Mukukumbukira nyimbo yakuti raindrops on roses and ndevu on kittens ? Kaya ndi zinthu ziti zomwe mumakonda, zigwiritseni ntchito mwachangu! Mutha kuyamba chizolowezi chatsopano kapena kuphunzira chilankhulo. Mwayi ndi wopanda malire ngati mukufuna zinthu zatsopano zoti muyese. Ndipo ngati simukufuna kuyesa (zomveka bwino), yambani ndi zizolowezi zingapo zomwe ndimakonda. Mwachitsanzo, chizolowezi changa chosangalatsa ndi kuwerenga ndili pabedi.
Kukonda munthu amene samakukondani ndizovuta kwambiri. Tonse tamuwona Ross Geller akuyenda ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi. Koma mndandanda wa zochitika kapena mndandanda wa zochita ukhoza kukupatsirani mtundu pang'ono m'moyo wanu pamene dziko likuwoneka lodetsa nkhawa komanso lachisoni. Kufunafuna chimwemwe mwachangu ndikuchipanga ndi momwe mungasiyire kukonda munthu yemwe samakukondani.
7. Kuona zinthu mozama
Pali mawonedwe ang'onoang'ono ndipo pali mawonekedwe a macro. Yoyamba imakuyikani mumchitidwe wozunzidwa kapena wopwetekedwa. Mukuganiza kuti, “Ichi ndi chinthu choipitsitsa chimene chingandichitikire. Ndipo mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi? Koma malingaliro akulu ndi anzeru poyankha - mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? Imvani kwa katswiri yemwe:
Pragati anati: “Mwina chokumana nacho chimenechi chikukuthandizani kuti mukhale munthu wabwinopo, ndipo pomalizira pake, mudzakhala bwenzi lanu.
Mwaona? Kodi ili si lingaliro labwino kukhala nalo? Mu dongosolo lalikulu la zinthu, chochitika ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zambiri zomwe zingakutsogolereni ku theka lanu lenileni. Lemekezani kufunika kwake paulendo wanu, koma musalole kuti ikhale ndi mphamvu zambiri. Pepani potumiza mawu osavuta, koma iyi ndi gawo chabe la moyo wanu, osati moyo wanu wonse.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Kumatanthauza Chiyani Munthu Akakunyalanyazani?
8. Kupeza njira yoti mutengere maganizo ndi momwe mungalekerere kukonda munthu amene samakukondaninso
Cassandra Clare analemba kuti: “Chikondi chosayenerera ndi chinthu choseketsa, ndipo chimapangitsa anthu amene ali mmenemo kuchita zinthu zopusa.” Sindikufuna kuti muimitse chisoni chanu mu mowa ndikuledzera kuyimba yemwe mumamukonda. Komanso sindikufuna kuti muzingodya kapena kusadya. Kukhala ndi moyo wathanzi sikungakambirane nthawi zonse. Ngakhale pamene mukuyesera kusiya kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye.
Pragati anati: “Yoga, kusinkhasinkha, kuchita zinthu mwanzeru, kulemba m’nyuzipepala, ndi zina zotero, ndi njira zabwino kwambiri zopezeranso mkhalidwe wabwino wamaganizo. M'malo mopanga zisankho zolakwika zomwe mudzanong'oneza nazo bondo pambuyo pake, chitani zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukula.
9. Kubwerera kumunda
Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mudzakhala pachibwenzi kapena mudzakhala pachibwenzi chopanda mavuto . Izi ndi sitepe yomwe imabwera pambuyo pake - mavuto anu akatha ndipo simukupita kukachita chibwenzi kuti mupangitse wina nsanje. Ngati mukumva kubwezera kapena mpikisano pamene mukukonzekera chibwenzi, lekani nthawi yomweyo. Pakuti iyi ndi njira yolowera mumasewera amisala omwe palibe wina aliyense amene akusewera koma inu nokha.
Ndikufunsabe kuti mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? Mukaganiza kuti mwabwerera kumalo komwe mungathe kugawana moyo wanu ndi munthu wina, pitani tsiku limodzi kapena awiri. Khalani ndi nthawi yabwino kwambiri ndipo yesani kumudziwa bwino munthuyo. Onani ngati mumagwirizana, ngati pali chemistry komanso, ndithudi, ubwenzi. Tengani zinthu pang'onopang'ono ndikusangalala ndi chibwenzi. Malo omasuka awa osakanikirana-osakwatiwa-koma-otseguka-ku-kusanganikirana ndipamene mudzafika.
Malangizowa atha kuwoneka ngati ochepa powerenga koyamba, koma sizovuta kukhazikitsa. Ine ndiri ndi chikhulupiriro chathunthu mu kukhoza kwanu kupirira. Tsopano muli ndi mayankho amomwe mungalekere kukonda munthu amene samakukondani choncho yambani kuwagwiritsa ntchito – zabwino zonse paulendo wanu!
Chiritsani Mtima Wosweka Ndi Malangizo 15 Awa Kuchokera kwa Akatswiri
Ambivalent Attachment Style - Zimawononga Bwanji Ubale Wanu?
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
