Kusuntha ndi njira yovuta yomwe imabweretsa zabwino za ife mpaka maondo athu. Koma mukamalimbana ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi, nkhondoyi imakhala yovuta kwambiri. Palibe yankho lotsimikizirika limene limafotokoza mmene mungalekerere kukonda munthu amene sakukondani; chikondi chosaneneka chimasweka mtima ndipo chilibe mankhwala odziwikiratu. Koma ngakhale sindingathe kukupatsani yankho lofanana, pali malangizo angapo ndi njira zothetsera zomwe zingakuthandizeni panjira.
Nkhani yovuta yotereyi ndi yosanjikiza imakambidwa bwino ndi katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo yemwe angakhale bwenzi lathu ndi wotitsogolera. Lero tatero Pragati Surekha, Clinical Psychologist yemwe ali ndi chilolezo komanso membala wa bungwe la Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School. Pragati wakhala akugwira ntchito yokhudzana ndi thanzi la maganizo kwa zaka khumi ndi zisanu zapitazi ndipo amagwiritsa ntchito uphungu wa munthu payekha pogwiritsa ntchito luso lamaganizo.
Ali pano kuti ayankhe mafunso anu onse - Mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondaninso? Kodi mungapewe malingaliro achikondi? Ndipo kodi n’zotheka kusiya kukonda munthu koma kukhalabe mabwenzi? Tiyeni tifufuze mozama za mbali izi za kuchoka ku chikondi chosayenerera.
Kodi Mungaleke Kukonda Munthu Amene Sakukondani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mwinamwake munatuluka muubwenzi woipa kumene munali kudzipereka kwambiri; cikondi ciri conse cinali, cinali kocokera ku malekezero anu. Kapena mwinamwake muli m’chikondi ndi winawake kumene palibe kuthekera kwa chibwenzi. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, mukuyang'ana kuti mutseke mutu uwu wa moyo wanu kuti mutha kupita patsogolo ndikupezanso chisangalalo. Ndikudziwa kuti izi ndizosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita, pambuyo pake, kodi mungasiye kukonda munthu yemwe samakukondaninso?
Ngakhale zingamve ngati dziko likutha, zinthu zimayenda bwino pakapita nthawi. 'Imani' atha kukhala mawu olakwika oti mugwiritse ntchito, koma pamapeto pake mumapitilira ndikutsanzikana ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda koma samakukondaninso. Mumalimbana ndi malingaliro oyipa ndikupeza chimwemwe kachiwiri. Koma izi ziyenera kuchitika mwadongosolo kwambiri. Simungafulumire zinthu popanda kupanga maziko nokha.
Pragati mwamwano amati, "Chikondi sichingasinthidwe kapena kunyalanyazidwa pamene mukuyenda. Simungathe kukakamiza malingaliro anu. Iwo amakhalapo kwa kanthawi ndipo muyenera kuphunzira luso ndi sayansi yogwira nawo ntchito. Perekani nthawi ndikuyika ntchito kuchokera kumapeto kwanu. Ululu umachepa ndipo mumachiritsa - kuleza mtima ndiko njira yochira. "
Mwambiwu umati, zinthu zonse zimakhala zovuta zisanakhale zophweka. Musanawerenge mopitilira, apa pali chiyembekezo - pali chiyembekezo chambiri kwa inu. Tengani cholinga cha machiritso mu mtima mwanu ndikuyika malingaliro onse pa inu nokha. Chodetsa nkhaŵa chanu chokha chiyenera kukhala ubwino wanu, osati munthu amene mumamukonda. Kuganizira za iwe mwini ndiko kusiya kukonda munthu amene sakukonda. Tsopano popeza (mwachiyembekezo) mwadziika patsogolo, titha kuyamba.
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Upangiri waupangiri musanapitirire ndi malangizowa - osataya malingaliro aliwonse omwe ali pansipa. Chikhululukireni ngakhale chikuwoneka ngati chaching'ono kapena 'sichinthu chanu.' Yandikirani njirazi ndi malingaliro otseguka kwambiri ndi mtima; pali njira zosiyanasiyana zopitira patsogolo ndipo simudzadziwa kuti ndi iti yomwe ingadina. Khalani ndi lingaliro lililonse ndikuwatengera. Zikhazikitseni m'njira yanuyanu chifukwa palibe mawonekedwe achilengedwe onse okhala ndi machiritso amalingaliro.
Ndikungokupemphani kuti musangalatse lingaliro lililonse ngakhale simulikonda. Funso lanu - mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? - ndizovuta, pambuyo pake. Ndipo chifukwa chake, yankho silikhala lalifupi. Werengani kuti mudziwe zomwe mungachite pamenepa. Ndidzakhala ndi inu njira iliyonse.
1. Kuwunika ndi kuvomereza - Mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi?
Arthur Phillips analemba mwanzeru kuti: “Kodi moyo wake ungakhale wochuluka bwanji akuvutika? Ndipo izi ndi zoona kwa inunso. Chikondi chosayenerera sizokhazikika; imayamba kukuzingani mkati. Kuti muthane ndi malingaliro ovutawa, mumayamba ndikuwunika ndikuvomereza.
Muyenera kuyang'ana momwe zinthu ziliri mu lens yothandiza. Dzifunseni mafunso atatu ngati mukuyesera kumvetsetsa momwe mungasiye kukonda munthu amene sakukondani:
- Kodi pali chiyembekezo chilichonse choti chikondi changa chibwezeredwa?
- Kodi ndingapitirize kuwakonda popanda kusokoneza chimwemwe changa?
- Ngati anaika ubwino wawo patsogolo, kodi sindiyenera kuchita chimodzimodzi?
Popeza sipangakhale tsogolo ndi munthu uyu, njira yowonekera bwino ikupita patsogolo. Landirani zinthu momwe zilili; mphamvu yakumverera kwanu, kusatheka kwa tsogolo ndi iwo, ndi mfundo yakuti mudzayenera kuwasiya. Gwirani mbali zonse zitatu ndikuloleni kuti mukhale achisoni. Mutha kulola mbali yamalingaliro kutengapo mbali mukazindikira momwe zinthu zilili.
Pragati akufotokoza kuti: "Taonani mosavuta, ngati mutapereka mbale ya chakudya kwa munthu ndipo alibe njala, angakukanizeni chifukwa zomwe mukupereka sizikugwirizana ndi dongosolo lawo.
2. Mungaleke bwanji kukonda munthu amene sakukondani? Kutalikirana ndi kuleza mtima
Izi ndi zigawo zofunika kwambiri mukafuna kunena zabwino kwa munthu yemwe mumamukonda koma samakukondaninso. Kuyesera kukhala mabwenzi kapena kulumikizana ndi munthu wakale sizikuwoneka ngati kungagwire ntchito chifukwa nthawi zambiri zimatsagana ndi cholinga chowabwezera. Ngakhale mumakhulupirira kwambiri, zolinga zanu si zabwino. Ndi bwino kukhala kutali ndi munthu amene mumamukonda.
Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muziyenda njira ina akakuyandikirani. Osamangokhalira kulankhula nawo. Tsatirani lamulo la 'kulankhula mukayankhulidwa'. Kuyika mtunda pakati pa inu nonse kumapangitsanso kuti zinthu zikhale bwino. N’zovuta kudziwa mmene tikumvera tikakhala nthawi zonse ndi munthu amene tikumufunsayo.
Ndipo chachiwiri, khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha. Ngati malingaliro anu akuzungulirabe ku malingaliro awo, kapena ngati mukulephera kuyang'ana pa ntchito zofunika kwambiri, musakhumudwe kapena kukwiya. Mutha kuwomba fuse yanu pazinthu zazing'ono kwambiri chifukwa mukuyesera kupewa malingaliro achikondi. Koma lidzafika tsiku limene simudzadabwa kuti mungaleke bwanji kukonda munthu amene sakukondani. Ingokhalani mmenemo, ichinso chidzadutsa.
Wowerenga wina wa ku Nashville analemba kuti: “Kuleza mtima sikunandifike mosavuta. lekani kukonda munthu koma khalani mabwenzi. Zinafika poizoni kwambiri pakapita nthawi ndipo ndidayamba kusinkhasinkha kuti ndikhale bwino. ”
3. Kulimbikitsa maubwenzi ena
Muli ndi chikondi chochuluka mu mtima mwanu ndipo mulibe malo oti chipiteko. Kapena mukuganiza choncho. Tengani miniti ndikuwonanso maubwenzi amtengo wapatali omwe mumagawana ndi ena - anzanu, makolo, abale, ngakhale ogwira nawo ntchito. Angakhale okondwa kulandira chikondi chanu lero. Chifukwa chake, lemberani bwenzi lanu lapamtima ndipo mukakumane nawo nkhomaliro. Onerani kanema ndi makolo anu kapena muwaphikire chakudya chamadzulo chokoma. Ndipo pitani mukamwe zakumwa ndi mnzanuyo kuti munene miseche zachikondi chaposachedwa chapaofesi.
Pali anthu ambiri m'moyo wanu omwe amayamikira kulumikizana komwe mumagawana nawo. Ndikudziwa kuti mukuyesera kusiya kukonda munthu yemwe simungakhale naye, koma lolani chikondi ichi chikulitse maubwenzi ena omwe muli nawo. Anzanu ndi abale anu akhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali kuposa amene mumamukonda. Chikondi chimene muli nacho pa mnzanu sichibwerera m’mbuyo. M’malo mosiya kukonda munthu koma kukhalabe mabwenzi, ganizirani za anthu ena pa moyo wanu. Osatengera njira yanu yothandizira - limbitsani mwayi uliwonse womwe mungapeze.
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4. Kuyesetsa kudzikonda
Pragati akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti: “M’lingaliro langa, njira yabwino koposa yochitira ndi chikondi ndiyo mwa chikondi.” (Ndicho chifukwa chake simuyenera kupeŵa malingaliro achikondi.) Maziko anu a kudzikonda akakhazikika, mumakhala wokonzekera kulimbana ndi mavuto amene maunansi ena amakhalapo—ngakhale chikondi chakupha kapena chosayenerera.
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? Mwa kulimbikitsa ubale ndi inu nokha. Kodi muli ndi chithunzi chotetezedwa? Kapena ndiwe a wodzida? Kodi ma attachment anu ndi otani? Ndi zochitika ziti zomwe zatanthawuza njira yanu yokhudzana ndi maubwenzi? Yesani ndikuyankha nokha mafunsowa ngati mukufuna kusiya kukonda munthu yemwe simungakhale naye.
Pezani madera amavuto ndikuthetsa mavuto. Ndiwe woweruza wabwino kwambiri pazida zanu zankhondo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati vuto limakhala lodzikayikira, yesetsani kudzidalira komanso kudzidalira. Ngati luso loyankhulana ndi dipatimenti yomwe mulibe, yesani luso lanu locheza ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi.
5. Lekani kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye pofunafuna thandizo la akatswiri
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi, mukufunsa? Kugwirana manja pang'ono kungakhale kopindulitsa kwambiri kwa inu. Katswiri wazamisala atha kukuthandizani kuthana ndi vuto ili m'moyo wanu. Zosatetezeka zambiri zimawonekera chikondi chanu chikakhala cha mbali imodzi. Kudzimva wokanidwa, kukwiya, kukhumudwa, chisoni, chisoni ndi nkhawa zimakukanthani kamodzi kokha. Kupeza momwe mungasiye kukonda munthu amene samakukondani ndi msonkho. Pazifukwa zazikulu, anthu amawonetsa zizindikiro zizindikiro za kukhumudwa kwambiri.
Wothandizira wovomerezeka kapena mlangizi akhoza kukutsogolerani ku zovuta zosasangalatsa izi. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi gulu la akatswiri omwe muli nawo omwe ali a dinani kutali. Atha kukuthandizani ndikuwunika momwe zinthu ziliri. Chonde tithandizeni ngati muli m'malo opanda thanzi - tili pano chifukwa cha inu ndipo tikumvetsetsa kuti kukonda munthu amene samakukondani kumapweteka kwambiri.
Ndikoyenera kukana malingaliro aliwonse odzidalira kwambiri pa chithandizo. Mlongo wanga anali kupita kuchisudzulo ndipo anali adakali m'chikondi ndi mwamuna wake wakale yemwe posachedwapa. Koma kusiyana kwawo kunali kosatheka ndipo kukhalabe m’banja kunali kusokoneza ulemu wake. Polephera kupitilira, komabe adatsimikiza kutero, adafikira kwa psychotherapist. Ngakhale kuti ulendo wake unali wosasintha, ulendo wake unali wofewa.
6. Kutumiza mphamvu zanu kwina
Kodi pali projekiti kuntchito yomwe mwakhala mukukonzekera? Kapena china chosavuta - buku lomwe mukufuna kuwerenga? Tengani mwayi uwu kuti muchite izi. Cholinga sikuli kusokoneza maganizo, koma kuwaletsa kuti asagwere m’malo otopa kapena opanda chiyembekezo. Izi ndizochitika zabwino zomwe mungachite mukakhala osakwatiwa koma osakonzeka kusakanikirana. Kaŵirikaŵiri anthu amalankhula za chisangalalo chochepa cha moyo; kapu yabwino ya khofi, kuyang'ana kulowa kwa dzuwa, kuyenda mozungulira paki, kukhala madzulo amvula, ndi zina zotero. Nchiyani chimakupangitsani kukhala osangalala?
Kumbukirani nyimboyo madontho a mvula pa maluwa ndi ndevu pa ana amphaka? Zirizonse zomwe mumazikonda pang'ono, zigwiritseni ntchito ASAP! Mukhozanso kuchita zinazake zatsopano kapena kuphunzira chinenero. Mwayi ndi wopanda malire ngati mukuyang'ana zatsopano zoti muyese. Ndipo ngati simukufuna kuyesa (zomveka bwino), lowetsani zizolowezi zingapo zomwe zimakhala zomasuka. Mwachitsanzo, chizoloŵezi changa chotonthoza ndicho kuŵerenga ndili pabedi.
Kukonda munthu amene samakukondani ndizovuta kwambiri. Tonse tamuwona Ross Geller akuyenda ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi. Koma mndandanda wa zochitika kapena mndandanda wa zochita ukhoza kukupatsirani mtundu pang'ono m'moyo wanu pamene dziko likuwoneka lodetsa nkhawa komanso lachisoni. Kufunafuna chimwemwe mwachangu ndikuchipanga ndi momwe mungasiyire kukonda munthu yemwe samakukondani.
7. Kuona zinthu mozama
Pali mawonedwe ang'onoang'ono ndipo pali mawonekedwe a macro. Yoyamba imakuyikani mumchitidwe wozunzidwa kapena wopwetekedwa. Mukuganiza kuti, “Ichi ndi chinthu choipitsitsa chimene chingandichitikire. Ndipo mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene mumamukondadi? Koma malingaliro akulu ndi anzeru poyankha - mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? Imvani kwa katswiri yemwe:
Pragati anati: “Mwina chokumana nacho chimenechi chikukuthandizani kuti mukhale munthu wabwinopo, ndipo pomalizira pake, mudzakhala bwenzi lanu.
Mwaona? Kodi ili si lingaliro labwino kukhala nalo? Mu dongosolo lalikulu la zinthu, chochitika ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zambiri zomwe zingakutsogolereni ku theka lanu lenileni. Lemekezani kufunika kwake paulendo wanu, koma musalole kuti ikhale ndi mphamvu zambiri. Pepani potumiza mawu osavuta, koma iyi ndi gawo chabe la moyo wanu, osati moyo wanu wonse.
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8. Kupeza njira yoti mutengere maganizo ndi momwe mungalekerere kukonda munthu amene samakukondaninso
Cassandra Clare analemba kuti: “Chikondi chosayenerera ndi chinthu choseketsa, ndipo chimapangitsa anthu amene ali mmenemo kuchita zinthu zopusa.” Sindikufuna kuti muimitse chisoni chanu mu mowa ndikuledzera kuyimba yemwe mumamukonda. Komanso sindikufuna kuti muzingodya kapena kusadya. Kukhala ndi moyo wathanzi sikungakambirane nthawi zonse. Ngakhale pamene mukuyesera kusiya kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye.
Pragati anati: “Yoga, kusinkhasinkha, kuchita zinthu mwanzeru, kulemba m’nyuzipepala, ndi zina zotero, ndi njira zabwino kwambiri zopezeranso mkhalidwe wabwino wamaganizo. M'malo mopanga zisankho zolakwika zomwe mudzanong'oneza nazo bondo pambuyo pake, chitani zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukula.
9. Kubwerera kumunda
Palibe njira iyi ndi tikiti yolumikizirana kapena kulowa mu a mgwirizano wopanda zingwe. Ili ndi sitepe lomwe limabwera pambuyo pake - chipwirikiti chanu chikatha komanso ngati simukupita pamasiku kuti mupangitse munthu nsanje. Ngati mukuwona kubwezera kapena kupikisana pamene mukukonzekera tsiku, lembani nthawi yomweyo. Chifukwa ichi ndi chipata chamasewera amalingaliro omwe palibe wina aliyense koma inu mukusewera.
Ndikufunsabe kuti mungasiye bwanji kukonda munthu amene samakukondani? Mukaganiza kuti mwabwerera kumalo komwe mungathe kugawana moyo wanu ndi munthu wina, pitani tsiku limodzi kapena awiri. Khalani ndi nthawi yabwino kwambiri ndipo yesani kumudziwa bwino munthuyo. Onani ngati mumagwirizana, ngati pali chemistry komanso, ndithudi, ubwenzi. Tengani zinthu pang'onopang'ono ndikusangalala ndi chibwenzi. Malo omasuka awa osakanikirana-osakwatiwa-koma-otseguka-ku-kusanganikirana ndipamene mudzafika.
Malangizowa atha kuwoneka ngati ochepa powerenga koyamba, koma sizovuta kukhazikitsa. Ine ndiri ndi chikhulupiriro chathunthu mu kukhoza kwanu kupirira. Tsopano muli ndi mayankho amomwe mungalekere kukonda munthu amene samakukondani choncho yambani kuwagwiritsa ntchito – zabwino zonse paulendo wanu!
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