Zimatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Kuti Musiye Chikondi?

Zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kusiya chikondi? Funso limakhala lovuta m'maganizo mwathu nthawi zonse pamene matsenga a agulugufe akuuluka m'mimba ndi kugunda kwa mtima kumayamba kuzimiririka. Chikondi chimalowedwa m'malo ndi mkwiyo ndi kuyamikiridwa ndi kukangana. Mukasiya kukondana, nthano yachikondi komanso mosangalala mpaka kalekale imalowedwa m'malo ndi zochitika zoopsa za ululu ndi kusungulumwa komwe kukubwera.

The honeymoon phase tsopano yatha, ndipo maluwawo amawoneka ngati akale. Ubale umakhala ngati katundu amene ukukokerapo. Kamodzi, mmodzi wa okondedwa amabwera maso ndi maso ndi kumverera uku, chiyanjano chanu chimafika pansi. Kugwa m'chikondi kumachitika mu ubale wautali.

Ubwenzi ukatha, mumayamba kudzifunsa kuti: N’chifukwa chiyani anthu amayamba kukondana mwadzidzidzi? Chinalakwika ndi chiyani? Kodi anyamata amatha kutha mchikondi mosavuta? N’chifukwa chiyani munasiya chikondi? Mafunso ochulukawa akukuvutitsanibe ndipo zikuwoneka kuti mulibe mayankho otsimikizika.

Psychotherapist Sampreeti Das "Kwa ena, kuthamangitsidwa ndi kuthamangitsidwa, osati chakudya." Choncho, pamene wokondedwayo abwera, pali kugwirizanitsa kwambiri kotero kuti chisangalalo chimatha. 

"Nthawi zina, anthu amagonja kwa winayo kotero kuti amadzitaya okha." Chabwino, okwatirana amagwera wina ndi mzake monga momwe alilidi. Pamene nthawi ikupita ndipo momwemonso chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe cha ubale, kudzikonda kumachepa ndi kusamalira ena kumawonjezeka. Kudzikonda komwe kunakopa chikondi kumakankhidwira kuchipinda chobisika. "

Zizindikiro Kuti Mukugwa Mchikondi

Chikondi ndi chinthu chachilendo ndithu. Zitha kutha msanga momwe zimawonekera. Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kudziwa kusiyana pakati pa kutengeka mtima ndi chikondi musanalowemo mozama.

Anthu angafunse kuti kodi mungasiye kukondana ndi mnzanu wapamtima? Inde, mungathe. Mtundu wa chikondi chomwe mumakumana nacho ndi mnzanu wapamtima ukhoza kukhala wosiyana kotheratu koma zitha kukhala kuti simunakonzekere kukhala limodzi, ndipamene kutha kwa chikondi sikungalephereke.

Kodi zizindikiro za kugwa kwa chikondi ndi ziti?

• Mumayamba kunyong’onyeka ndipo simulakalakanso kucheza ndi wina ndi mnzake
• Mumangokhalira kunena kusiyana kwake ndipo zolakwa za mnzanu zimakula
• Mumayamba kukhala ndi moyo wosiyana kukhala ndi mapulani osiyana
• inu kukula mosiyana mu chiyanjano m'maganizo ndi m'thupi
• Ndinu wofunitsitsa kuchita ntchito zanu kubanja ndi kwa okondedwa anu ndipo zinthu sizingochitikanso
• Zikondwerero za zochitika zaubwenzi zakhala zofunda
• Ubwenzi ukakhala patali, njira yosadziwika bwino imayamba kugwira ntchito

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Zimatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Kuti Musiye Chikondi?

Mumawona okwatirana angwiro, okondana mitu mwachikondi, akujambula tawuni mofiira ndikusangalala ndi kukongola kwa mgwirizano wawo. Pali zinthu zochepa zokongola monga kuwona kwa anthu awiri okondana.

Ndipo, pakapita miyezi ingapo, mupeza kuti m'modzi wa iwo akukwatiwa ndi wina pomwe winayo abwerera. pachibwenzi kachiwiri. Kodi izi zimachitika bwanji? N’chifukwa chiyani anthu amayamba kukondana mwadzidzidzi?

Zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kusiya chikondi? Nanga bwanji za miyezi yonse ya chibwenzi, kukondwerera zikondwerero ndi kulingalira za tsogolo limodzi? Zinthu zosiyanasiyana zimatha kuyambitsa kutengeka uku. Tiyeni tifufuze zina mwa izo apa kuti timvetsetse kuti zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti chikondi chizimiririke komanso chifukwa chake zimachitika:

1. Kutha kwa chikondi kumatengera munthuyo

Kuthekera kwa kutha kwa chikondi kungalamuliridwe ndi umunthu wa munthu. Ngati munthu ndi a kudzipereka-phobe, amatha kumva kuyabwa kuchoka pachibwenzi ndi kufunafuna bwenzi latsopano. Zikatero, kugwa m’chikondi kuli ngati bomba lomwe likugwa. Munthu wawo akanikiza batani limodzi lolakwika ndipo ali okonzeka kutseka.

Nthawi zambiri anthu otere amalakwitsa chizolowezi chokhala limodzi ndi lingaliro lokondana. Malingaliro awo angakhalenso olamuliridwa ndi kukopeka kwenikweni, osadziŵa kusiyana kwa chilakolako ndi chikondi, amachiyesa ngati chikondi.

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Kodi chinakupangitsani kuti musiye chikondi n’chiyani? Kuthamanga kwa mahomoniko kukachepa, amayamba kukumana ndi kupanda pake muubwenziwo. Kumbali ina, kwa anthu ena kutha kwa chikondi kungakhale mchitidwe wapang’onopang’ono.

Atakhala pachibwenzi kwa zaka zambiri, amayamba kukayikira zomwe akuchita ndi mnzawo zaka zonsezi. Ndiye, zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti chikondi chizire, zimatengera yemwe akugwa mchikondi.

2. Kukhwima kumatengera nthawi yayitali kuti muyambe kukondana

Mukukumbukira wokondedwa wa kusekondale uja mumaganiza kuti simungapite tsiku limodzi? Ali kuti tsopano? Ngati mulibe chidziwitso, simuli nokha. Sikuti anthu onse amakwatira okondedwa awo akusekondale. Izi zili choncho chifukwa anthu amasanduka ndi zaka, ndipo zokumana nazo zimatha kusintha malingaliro anu ndi momwe mumaonera moyo.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake anthu ambiri amakumana ndi vuto la kugwa kwa chikondi, ngakhale ndi abwenzi awo a nthawi yayitali, ngati chibwenzicho chinayamba ali aang'ono.

Si zachilendo kugwa m’chikondi ndi munthu amene munali naye pachibwenzi kusukulu kapena ku koleji, chifukwa kulawa kwa dziko lenileni limodzi ndi maudindo a moyo wauchikulire kungakusandutseni kukhala anthu osiyana kotheratu amene sagwirizana wina ndi mnzake.

Kupatula apo, kupanga ubale ntchito kumafuna khama ndi kuleza mtima, zomwe zimangobwera ndi kukhwima. Mukapanda kukhwima m’pamenenso zidzakutengerani mwamsanga kuti muthe kugwa m’chikondi chifukwa simudziwa chimene chimafunika kuti chikondi chikhale chokhalitsa.

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3. Zitha kuchitika ngati mwalakwitsa kukopeka ndi chikondi

Malinga ndi Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007, kusilira (kapena kukopa) kulipo kwambiri mu "pano ndi pano" ndipo sizimaphatikizapo kaonedwe ka nthawi yaitali. Anthu ambiri nthawi zambiri amalakwitsa kutengeka mtima chifukwa cha chikondi. M'kupita kwa nthawi, kukopa uku kumayamba kuchepa ndipo zofuna za moyo zimasokoneza mgwirizano wanu.

Zimenezi zikachitika, ubwenzi wozikidwa pa zilakolako umatha. Ubale wokhumbira nthawi zonse umabwera ndi tsiku lotha ntchito. Apa si nkhani ya ngati koma liti.

Ngati inu kapena mnzanuyo mudatuluka muubwenzi popanda kuganizira kuti zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti muthe kukondana, pali mwayi waukulu kuti chilakolako ndi chomwe chinayambitsa chibwenzicho.

4. Kugwa m’chikondi kungatheke chifukwa cha kunyong’onyeka

Wofufuza za kugonana ku yunivesite ya Vanderbilt, Laura Carpenter akufotokoza kuti, "Ngakhale kuti anthu amakula ndi kutanganidwa, maubwenzi akamapitirira amaphunziranso luso - kulowa ndi kutuluka m'chipinda chogona." Mphamvu zaubwenzi uliwonse zimasintha nthawi zonse, ndipo pamapeto pake, motowo umatuluka ndikunyong'onyeka.

Kuzindikira kuti wokondedwa wanu sakukulimbikitsani mukhoza kuyamba kukhudza chikondi muwamvera chisoni mpaka palibe wotsala. Pambuyo pa kutha kwa chikondi mungadzifunse kuti, 'N'chifukwa chiyani anthu amayamba kukondana mwadzidzidzi?'

Choonadi ndi chakuti munali ndi chikondi kwa nthawi yaitali koma simunafune kuvomereza.

5. Kuthamangira zibwenzi kungakhale chifukwa chomwe ena amasiya kukondana

Kafukufuku wa Harrison and Shortall (2011) adapeza kuti amuna amakonda kugwa mchikondi mwachangu kuposa akazi ¹. Zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti mwamuna asiye chikondi? Ngakhale kuti n’kovuta kuyankha zimenezo mosapita m’mbali, utali umene umatenga kuti munthu agwe m’chikondi nthawi zambiri amatengera mmene munthu anayambira kukondana mwamsanga.

Nthawi zina, anthu amathamangira maubwenzi popanda kumudziwa mozama. Izi zikachitika, kuzindikira kwa kukhala ndi munthu wolakwika kugunda kunyumba mwachangu ndikugwa mchikondi kumatsata.

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N'chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Amasiya Chikondi Mwadzidzidzi?

Kutengera kafukufuku wazaka 30, Dr Fred Nour, katswiri wodziwika bwino wa neuroscientist, wapeza malongosoledwe asayansi pamafunso monga: chifukwa chiyani anthu amayamba kukondana mwadzidzidzi ndipo zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti asiye kukonda munthu.

M'buku lake, Chikondi Chenicheni: Mmene Mungagwiritsire Ntchito Sayansi Kuti Mumvetse Chikondi, akufotokoza kuti kugwa m’chikondi n’kogwirizana ndi chisinthiko chaumunthu. Kwa zaka mazana ambiri, ubongo wamunthu wapangidwa kuti uletse kutulutsa kwa mahomoni olakalaka munthu akangofika pachibwenzi akayamba kuyesa munthu winayo ngati bwenzi lake lamoyo.

Chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo chomwe chimayambitsa mahomoni chikachotsedwa mu equation, anthu amatha kuwunika okondedwa awo moyenera.

Ndipo ngati munthuyo akusowa makhalidwe amene amayembekezera mwa mwamuna wawo/mkazi, kugwa mchikondi kumayambika. Ngakhale izi zimachitika pang'onopang'ono, zimawonekera mwanjira ya zifukwa ndi zoyambitsa kugwa kwa chikondi:

1. Kusalankhulana kumasokoneza

Kulankhulana ndiye chinsinsi cha ubale wabwino. Mwachilengedwe ndiye, kusowa kwa kulumikizana kumatha kupanga khoma losatheka pakati pa okondedwa, lomwe limapitilirabe kukula pakapita nthawi. Pofika nthawi yomwe wina wa abwenzi akuzindikira, khomalo limakhala lolimba kwambiri moti silingaphwanyike.

Ngati chibwenzi chafika pamlingo woti onse awiri sangathe kukambirana momveka bwino, zingakhale zopanda chiyembekezo. Kusalankhulana kumadzetsa kusamvana ndipo kumayambitsa kusagwirizana. Kuwombera kumachepa ndipo pamapeto pake kumapangitsa ubalewo kufa pang'onopang'ono, imfa yowawa.

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2. Mumayamba kukondana pamene kugwirizana kwamaganizo kulibe

Kungonena kuti 'ndimakukondani' sikutanthauza kalikonse pokhapokha ngati mnzanuyo akumva chikondicho chikuwonekera m'zochita zanu. Kupanda kugwirizana maganizo pakati pa okondedwa ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu za kusakhulupirika. Pamene zosoŵa zamaganizo sizikukwaniritsidwa, mumakonda kuyang’ana kwina ndi kukopeka ndi munthu amene akukuthandizani kuthetsa vutolo.

Kaŵirikaŵiri, zimatenga nthaŵi yaitali motani kuti chikondi chizimiririka chingalamuliridwe ndi mkhalidwe wamaganizo waubwenziwo.

3. N’cifukwa ciani anthu amasiya kukondana mwadzidzidzi? Kusagonana kungakhale ndi gawo

Malinga ndi kafukufuku amene nyuzipepala ya The Hindustan Times inachita, 30 peresenti ya maukwati onse ku India amatha chifukwa cha kusakhutira ndi kugonana, kusowa mphamvu komanso kusabereka. ². Kukhutitsidwa m'malingaliro ndi kukhutitsidwa pakugonana kumagwira ntchito limodzi kuti amangirire ubale.

Ngati chimodzi mwa izo chikusowa, chiyanjano chimakhala m'madzi amwala. Kupanda ubwenzi Zikhoza kupangitsa kuti okwatirana asiyane, ndipo kugwa m'chikondi kumangokhala nkhani ya nthawi.

4. Kusemphana maganizo kungachititse anthu kugwa m’chikondi

Nthawi zina, anthu amapita maubale omwe alibe tsogolo. Amatha ndi munthu yemwe zolinga za moyo wake ndi maloto ake ndi osiyana kwambiri ndi awo.

Ngakhale kuti chiyembekezo kuti zinthu zikhala bwino pakapita nthawi zimathandizira ubalewu kwakanthawi, zenizeni zimavuta pamapeto pake. Ubwenzi woterowo ukatha, zingawonekere mwadzidzidzi kapena modzidzimutsa, koma lingalirolo linali likuwavutitsa maganizo kwa nthaŵi yaitali.

Anthu amayamba kukondana, kenako chifukwa cha chikondi, kenako amayambanso kukondana. Zili ngati kuzungulira komwe kumapitilira mpaka mutapeza 'imodzi'. Monga Monica waku Friend akuuza Chandler, “Sitinayembekezere kuti tidzakhala limodzi. Kusinthasintha kwa nthawi yomwe zimatenga nthawi kuti anthu asiyane ndi chikondi zimatengera momwe maziko a ubale alili olimba. Ngati si malo olimba, mwina simungathe kusiya chikondi!

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