Gawo la honeymoon lidatheratu. Pamene zaka ziwiri zoyambirira zaukwati wa Jenny ndi Richard, ndewu zinali zazing'ono komanso zosawerengeka ndipo kugonana kodzipakapaka kumapangitsa kuti mkwiyo uwonongeke, sizinali choncho masiku ano. Tsopano, ndewu zinali pa nkhani zazikulu.
Mwachitsanzo, Richard ankafuna mwana pamene Jenny ankaona kuti sali wokonzeka kuthana ndi vuto la ntchito panthawiyo. Sizinathandize kuti nthawi zonse amauzidwa ndi mnzake kuti wotchi yake yobadwa nayo ikugunda! Izi zinangomukwiyitsa kwambiri. Akanaphunzira bwanji kusiya kumenyana muubwenzi?
Kuti tithetse vutoli tili ndi malingaliro ochokera kwa akatswiri awiri - Kashish Vyas , mlangizi komanso katswiri wa EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), ndi Riddhi Doshi Patel , katswiri wa zamaganizo a ana komanso woyambitsa Rhhyns Academy ku Mumbai.
Kukangana ndi kumenyana ndi mbali ya ubale uliwonse wachikondi. Ndewu nthawi zina zimafunika kuti mufotokoze zakukhosi kapena malingaliro anu kwa wokondedwa wanu. Komabe, ngati kumenyanako kumachitika kawirikawiri komanso kuphulika, kungayambitse mavuto aakulu. Zingapangitse kuti zikhale zovuta kuti okwatirana agwirizanenso pamlingo wapamtima. Zikhoza kusokoneza mbali zina za moyo wawo.
Chidani chachikulu muubwenzi chingayambitse mpweya wapoizoni m'nyumba. Ngati pali ana, angavutike mtima poona mikangano ya kaŵirikaŵiri, yoopsa pakati pa makolo awo. Kukangana kosalekeza pachibwenzi kungayambitsenso kulekana kapena kusudzulana. Kodi mungasiye bwanji kumenyana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Tisanafufuze izi, tiyeni tione nkhani zomwe maanja amakonda kukangana.
Kodi Mabanja Amamenyana Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kafukufuku wa mu 2020 wofalitsidwa mu magazini ya Personality and Individual Differences yotchedwa 'Kusiyana kwa munthu payekha komanso kusamvana muubwenzi wachikondi' akuwunikira nkhaniyi. Kafukufukuyu adapanga sikelo yotchedwa Zifukwa Zosamvana mu Ubale Wachikondi (RDRRS). Sikeloyi ili ndi zinthu 30 zomwe zagawidwa m'magulu asanu ndi limodzi:
Kusaganizira/kukondana mokwanira: Ili ndi vuto lalikulu chifukwa anthu ambiri amamvetsa chikondi ngati chisamaliro ndi machitidwe osonyeza chikondi. Nthawi zina, pakhoza kukhala vuto la kulankhulana kapena kutanganidwa kwambiri ndi zomwe zimayambitsa. Kuti mupewe mikangano muubwenzi, yang'anani kwambiri mnzanuyo akamalankhula kapena kuuza ena zakukhosi kwake.
Nsanje/kusakhulupirika : Mikangano ingayambike ngati mukulankhulana ndi wakale wanu, ngati mumakonda kuyerekeza mnzanu ndi amuna/akazi ena molakwika, kapena ngati muli ndi chizolowezi chofuna kukopana. Siyani kumenyana ndi chibwenzi chanu mwa kumupangitsa kumva kuti ndi wapadera komanso wotetezeka.
Ntchito zapakhomo/maudindo : Izi zitha kukhala nkhani yovuta. Ngati onse awiri ndi akatswiri pantchito, munthu amene amagwira ntchito zambiri m'nyumba adzamva kuti zinthu sizili bwino. Pewani mikangano muubwenzi mwa kukonzekera nthawi ya ntchito zapakhomo kwa anthu onse m'banjamo, kuphatikizapo ana.
Kugonana : Zilakolako zosiyanasiyana zogonana, kugonana kosachitika kawirikawiri komanso kugonana kosakhutiritsa ndi madera ovuta. Siyani kumenyana ndi mnzanu ndipo yesani kukambirana nkhaniyi momasuka. Kupita kwa katswiri wa zaukwati kapena katswiri wa zachiwerewere kungathandize.
Kulamulira/kulamulira : Ngati ubale sunakhazikitsidwe motsatira kufanana, mnzako mmodzi akhoza kulamulira mnzake. Zosankha zazikulu ndi zazing'ono zitha kupangidwa ndi mnzako wolamulira, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mnzako womvera akhumudwe. Njira imodzi yosiya kukangana ndi chibwenzi chanu ndikumupatsa ufulu wofanana pa zisankho zonse, ngakhale zazing'ono bwanji.
Mapulani/ndalama zamtsogolo : Apa nkhani yaikulu ndi yakuti zolinga za munthu aliyense zikugwirizana ndi zolinga ziwiri. Ana - kaya akhale ndi ana komanso nthawi yobereka, nthawi zambiri ndi nkhani yokangana. Ngati muli kale ndi ana, njira zosiyanasiyana zolerera ana zingayambitse mikangano. Okwatirana omwe amakhala kutali chifukwa cha ntchito zawo amakumana ndi mavuto. Mutha kusiya kumenyana muubwenzi wautali mwa kukhalabe olumikizana nthawi zonse ndikuwonetsana chikondi ndi kuyamikirana.
Akatswiri ena amaona kuti ndalama ndi zimene zimachititsa kuti mabanja azikangana. Amene amabweretsa ndalama zambiri, amene amatenga zisankho zokhudzana ndi ndalama, yemwe ayenera kulipira chinachake, njira zosiyana zogwiritsira ntchito ndalama - zonsezi ndi nkhani zomwe kumenyana kwa ndalama mu chiyanjano kumachitika.
Patapita zaka 40, mlangizi wina wa mabanja, Dr. John Gottman, ananena kuti 69 peresenti ya mikangano ya m’banja siithetsedwa. Izi zikutanthauza kuti okwatirana amakonda kumenyana komweko mobwerezabwereza. Zitha kukhala chifukwa cha ndalama, ubwenzi kapena banja. Ndipo nthawi zina, kuonana ndi dokotala kapena katswiri wa zachiwerewere ndizothandiza.
Kulimbana Kokhazikika Paubwenzi Chifukwa Chazosowa Zosakwanira
Ngakhale kuti tili ndi zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zomwe maanja amakangana, pali mfundo imodzi yofanana pazifukwa izi. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2018 wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Family Therapy wotchedwa 'Chifukwa chiyani maanja akumenyana? Maganizo okhudza kusakhutira ndi zomwe akufuna pa nkhani ya mkangano ndi kusakhutira', mikangano ingabuke chifukwa okwatirana sangathe kukwaniritsa zosowa za wina ndi mnzake.
Anthu ali ndi zosowa zitatu zamaganizidwe - kufunika kodziyimira pawokha, luso komanso kulumikizana. Kufunika kodziyimira pawokha kumakhumudwitsidwa pamene anthu akumva kulamulidwa ndi mnzawo. Kufunika kwa luso la munthu kumakhumudwa pamene mnzanuyo aputa malingaliro olephera.
Komabe, chofunika kwambiri ndi 'chiyanjano chimafuna kukhumudwa' pamene okwatirana sakondana, amakanirana komanso atalikirana, zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano ndi kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Kukhumudwa kotereku kumabweretsa nthawi zambiri kuyambitsa mikangano komanso kugwiritsa ntchito njira zolumikizirana zocheperako panthawi ya mkangano, zimawulula phunzirolo.
Momwe Mungalekere Kulimbana Mu Ubale - Njira 7 Zomwe Zimagwira Ntchito
Tibwerezanso: Kumenya nkhondo pamlingo wina ndikwabwino pachibwenzi. Koma pamene zikupita ku kuipa kapena kuchitiridwa nkhanza, kapena ngati zikuyambitsa kusasangalala kwakukulu kwa inu, mnzanuyo ndi banja lanu lonse, ndi nthawi yoti muthe. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti nthawi zonse muyenera kubwerera m'mbuyo, nthawi zina mumangofunika kusintha kaonedwe kake. Nazi njira 7 zomwe zimagwira ntchito.
1. Pumulani pang'ono
- Ndewu ikafika povuta, ndi bwino kuchoka m'chipindamo mpaka zinthu zitadekha. Mwanjira imeneyi, simudzanena zinthu zopweteka zomwe mudzanong’oneza nazo bondo pambuyo pake
- Nthaŵi zina, okwatirana angafunikire kutero khalani nthawi yotalikirana kuti amvetse bwino nkhani yokangana komanso ubale wawo. Pitani kubanja lomwe muli pafupi ndikukhala nalo momasuka, koma pewani kukambirana za ubale wanu ndi munthu wachitatu, pokhapokha ngati ndi dokotala wanu.
- Kutuluka m’nyumba ndi kupita kokayenda limodzi kukambitsirana nkhaniyo ndi lingaliro labwinonso
2. Landirani pamene mwalakwitsa
- Wokondedwa wanu akamakudzudzulani kapena kukudzudzulani pa chinachake, mwachibadwa muyenera kudziteteza. Komabe, izi sizothandiza. Ndi bwino kuganiza modekha, kumeza kunyada kwanu, ndi kuvomereza pamene mwalakwa
- Ndibwino kupepesa. Iyi ndi njira yabwino kuyimitsa kuzungulira kwa kulimbana mu chiyanjano. Kupepesa kuli ngati kuyimba m’makutu a mnzanu amene wakwiya. Komabe, kupepesa kuyenera kukhala koona mtima komanso koyenera. Osapepesa pongofuna kukhazika mtima pansi pamene mukuona kuti mnzanuyo akulakwitsa
- Ndikosavuta kuimba mlandu mnzanu kuposa kuvomereza kuti mwalakwitsa. Koma ndani adati maubwenzi okondana ndi osavuta?
3. Osamuukira mnzako
- Kambiranani za vuto lalikulu m'malo molimbana ndi mnzanuyo. Malinga ndi Dr Gottman, chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe zimalosera za chisudzulo ndi pamene munthu nthawi zonse amaukira khalidwe la wokondedwa wake m'malo mopatula nkhani yomwe imawakhumudwitsa.
- Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu pogwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti 'Ine'. M’malo monena kuti: “Simukhala ndi nthawi yocheza nane” munganene kuti: “Ndikumva kusungulumwa pamene sitikhala ndi nthawi yokwanira limodzi”
- Osakokomeza kapena kunena mawu ophatikizika monga: "Ndiwe munthu wamanyazi"
- Kuukira wokondedwa wanu chifukwa chosasamalira mokwanira kungachitike mukakhala m'mizinda yosiyana chifukwa cha kusagwirizana komwe inu nonse mukumva. Lekani kumenyana muubwenzi wautali popewa msampha umenewu
4. Sungani ndewu mwachitukuko
- Palibe kukalipira, kutukwana kapena kutukwana - khalidwe lotereli likhoza kuwononga kwambiri ubale
- Yang'anani kamvekedwe kanu ndi thupi. Pewani mawu achipongwe, mawu achipongwe ndi manja onyansa
- Nkhanza zakuthupi ndizoti ayi-ayi
- Osawopseza kuthetsa chibwenzicho. Mutha kuzinena mokwiya koma zizikhalabe m'maganizo mwa okondedwa wanu ndikupangitsa kusatetezeka kwa masiku akubwera
5. Ganizirani zabwino
- Dzikumbutseni chifukwa chomwe mumakonda wokondedwa wanu. Maria ndi Harry anali ndi mwambo umenewu muukwati wawo wazaka 12 umene unachititsa kuti mikangano isapitirire. Akayamba kukangana koopsa, ankayamba kugwirana chanza. Kugwirizana kwachikondi kumeneku kunawalepheretsa kuchita kapena kunena zopweteka kwa mnzawo. Nkovuta kunena kuti: “Ndiwe chitsiru” pamene mukugwirana chanza. M’malo mwake munganene kuti: “Sindikugwirizana ndi zimene mukunena”. Kugwirana chanza kumatanthauza kuti muli limodzi pankhondoyi kuti mupeze vuto ndikulithetsa
- Chepetsani mtima ndi nthabwala. Pangani nkhope yoseketsa kuti mufotokoze kukhumudwa kwanu. Kulimbana kosalekeza muubwenzi kumatha kupeza mpumulo mu kuseka ndi kusangalala
- Mawu ena amatha kuziziritsa mlengalenga nthawi yomweyo. Mwachitsanzo, 'mwina mukulondola' kapena 'ndikumvetsa zomwe mukunena'
- Yesetsani kuti musagwirizane ndi mawu anu ndi 'koma'. Mwachitsanzo, kunena kuti: “Ndikudziwa kuti munatopa dzulo, koma inenso ndinali wotopa, ndipo simunandithandize kuchotsa patebulo”
- Mvetserani mwachifundo - yesani kuwona zinthu monga momwe okondedwa anu amawonera. Iyi ndi njira imodzi yoletsa kumenyana tsiku ndi tsiku muubwenzi
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zochitika 6 za Okwatirana Pa Momwe Kulankhulana Kumathandizira Ubale Wawo
6. Khalabe pompo
- Gwirani ntchito pakadali pano - musalole kupwetekedwa kwa ubwana ndi machitidwe azitsimikizira zomwe mumachita pakadali pano. Komanso, musamasunge chakukhosi mnzanuyo – khululukirani zomwe zidakukhumudwitsani m'mbuyomu
- Koma muzionetsetsa kuti mukukangana ndipo pezani zifukwa zake. Kumbukirani kuti kupambana mkangano sikofunikira, kuthetsa vuto ndiko
7. Chepetsani kupsinjika maganizo
- Yesetsani kuchepetsa kupsinjika kwanu ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi, yoga, kupuma mozama komanso / kapena kusinkhasinkha
- Muzigona mokwanira chifukwa kusowa tulo kungawononge thanzi lanu, maganizo anu komanso maganizo anu
- Sangalalani ndi nyimbo zomwe mumakonda kapena sangalalani ndi kutikita minofu
- Phunzirani kukhala osangalala mwa inu nokha - mudzakhala ndi ndewu zochepa ndi mnzanu chifukwa izi zidzakupangitsani kuchepetsa zomwe mukuyembekezera.
Mmene Mungalekerere Kumenyanirana Chifukwa cha Ana Anu
Popeza mikangano ya makolo yosalekeza imatha kukhumudwitsa ana, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo a ana komanso woyambitsa wamkulu wa Rhhyns Academy ku Mumbai, Riddhi Doshi Patel. Mawu ake anayi a momwe angalekerere kumenyana muubwenzi ndi awa:
- Khazikitsani malamulo apabanja okhudza aliyense. Phatikizanipo anawo pokhazikitsa malamulo. Gawani ntchito zapakhomo moyenera
- Mukakhala pakati pa ndewu, yambani inuyo kuchitapo kanthu kumbatirani mnzanu. Zingawoneke zosatheka pamene mwakwiyira wokondedwa wanu. Koma sichoncho. Ndipo, zimagwira ntchito. Kukumbatirana kumachepetsa mkwiyo ndipo kumapangitsa onse awiri kukhala omasuka
- Nthawi zonse mukamamenyana musapitirire mpaka mawa. Yesani kuthetsa vutolo musanagone
- Kulimbana kulikonse ndi kuphunzira. Ngati mukukumana ndi ndewu zazing'ono kangapo, kambiranani za izi musanapume tsikulo. Onse awiri atha kutenga cholembera ndi pepala ndikulemba zakukhosi kwawo. Ndipo, momwe akanathanira ndi vutolo bwino
Katswiri Tengani
Tinalankhula ndi a Kashish Vyas, mlangizi komanso katswiri wa EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Nawa malingaliro ake a momwe okwatirana angalekerere kumenyana:
Imani kaye ndipo mumvetsere wina ndi mnzake. Izi zikutanthauza kuti simukufulumira kupanga nkhani yanu. Muyenera kumvetsera mwachifundo komanso mwachifundo mnzanuyo ndikuyesera kumvetsetsa momwe akuonera. Ngati mukupitirizabe kulankhula za zomwe zikukuchitikirani, mkanganowo sungathetsedwe.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Umu ndi Momwe Mungakulitsire Ubale Wanu Mwa Kumvetsera Bwino
Perekani mpata ndi nthawi . Ngati banja likukangana, kungakhale bwino kuti m'modzi mwa okwatirana achoke pamalo omwe pali mkangano kwa kanthawi. Mwina si nthawi yoyenera kukambirana nkhaniyi. Choncho, musayese kuthetsa nkhaniyi mwachindunji. Ngati wina aliyense wa inu sakufuna kumvetsera winayo, palibe chifukwa choyesera kuthetsa mkanganowo.
Konzani mavuto a ubale ndi makolo. Pali mgwirizano pakati pa ubale womwe munali nawo ndi makolo anu ndi zomwe muli nazo ndi mnzanu. Mutha kukhala mukusewera machitidwe akale. Ndipo, kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo amvetse mavuto anu. Ndipotu, muyenera kugwira ntchito pa mavuto anu ndikudzichiritsa nokha.
Lemekezani malire a mnzanu. Nthawi zina, timavutika kwambiri muubwenzi moti timaiwala kuti mnzanuyo ali ndi malire ake . Mnzanu aliyense ndi munthu payekha. Simungamunyoze. Mnzanu mmodzi akhoza kukhala ndi udindo wake kapena kukakamiza winayo kuti akuthandizeni. Iyi ndi njira yosayenera.
Kuyimitsa mikangano ndi kuthetsa mikangano kumayendera limodzi. Onsewa ndi zolinga za nthawi yayitali. Mwa kuzindikira ndi kuyeseza, okwatirana angalowe m’malo mikangano yaukali ndi kukambitsirana kolimbikitsa. Tinene apa kuti ngati maanja amakangana sizitanthauza kuti ali osakondwa pachibwenzi. Ngati mumamenyana mwachilungamo ndipo osakhumudwitsana mosayenera, kukangana kungathetse mavuto aakulu ndi kupangitsa kuti ubwenziwo ukhale wabwino.
Komabe, zonse zomwe zanenedwa ndikuchita, okwatirana ayenera kusiya kumenyana nthawi zonse muubwenzi. Kapenanso, angasangalale bwanji wina ndi mnzake komanso ubale wawo? Ndipo sizomwe timayembekezera kwambiri tikakhala m'chikondi? Kukhala pamtendere ndi ife eni, ndi wina ndi mzake.
Chifukwa Chiyani Kulimbana Kumakhala Kofunika Kwambiri Kuposa Maubwenzi
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
