Kulimbana Muukwati - Malangizo 10 Ochitira Bwino

Ubale uliwonse uli ndi zokwera ndi zotsika, mikangano ndi mapangidwe ake, ndewu ndi kukhululukirana. Zonse ndi gawo limodzi la moyo. Koma kumenyana m’banja sikungakhale kolungamitsidwa ndi kupanda chifundo ndi kusaganizira malingaliro a mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Mabanja ambiri amatsutsana ndipo amakangana m’banja lawo lonse, koma kodi mumadziwa kuti mungakhale ndi ndewu pamene mukuchitirana chifundo ndi kulemekezana?

Zonse zimatengera momwe mumamenyera. Kulalata, kutchulana mayina achipongwe, kupereka ziganizo zothetsa chibwenzicho, ndiponso kutukwanana ndi zitsanzo za zinthu zoopsa zimene munthu ayenera kuzithawa. Mutha kukhala mukumenyera ndalama m'banja kapena zitha kukhala zopusa komanso zosafunikira, koma pali malamulo ambiri omenyera m'banja omwe angakutetezeni kuti musawononge maziko a ubale wanu. 

Kodi Ndi Bwino Kuti Anthu Okwatirana Azimenyana?

Kafukufuku wina, malinga ndi The Guardian , adafufuza akuluakulu pafupifupi 1,000 ndipo adapeza kuti maanja omwe adati amakangana anali ndi mwayi wochuluka wosangalala limodzi nthawi 10 kuposa omwe amangoyang'ana mavuto awo ndikupewa mikangano. Komabe, ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti si mikangano yonse yomwe ndi yachibadwa komanso yabwino. Mikangano muubwenzi ingakhale yabwino ikachitika moyenera ndipo kumenyana m'banja sikungapeweke. Mutha kumenyana tsiku lililonse muukwati koma chikondicho chikhalebe cholimba.

Mukhoza kukangana za ndalama zomwe mukufunikira kapena za komwe mungapite kutchuthi. Mudzanena zinthu zokhumudwitsa wokondedwa wanu. Mudzachokapo ndi mkwiyo. Mudzamenyetsa chitseko. Mudzalimbana ndi udindo wogawana nawo m'banja ndikumalankhulana wina ndi mnzake. Mwinanso mungawabisire. Koma kodi zonsezi ndi njira zabwino ndi zomveka zomenyera nkhondo muukwati? Ayi.

Zikuoneka kuti nonse awiri mudzakangana pa zinthu zomwe simunaganizepo kuti mungasemphane maganizo. Zilibe kanthu kuti mumakondana mopenga bwanji. Pamapeto pa tsiku, nonse awiri ndinu anthu osiyana omwe ali ndi malingaliro, malingaliro, ndi malingaliro osiyana omwe amapangitsa kukangana nthawi zambiri kuposa momwe mukuganizira. 

Kulimbana m'banja kumakhala kwabwinobwino ngati muchita mosamala ndikukumbukira kuti mnzanuyo ndi munthu yemwe simungafune kumukhumudwitsa mwadala kapena mosadziŵa. Timakhumudwa tikakwiya. Ndikofunika nthawi zonse kukumbukira izi:

• Pumani mpweya musanalankhule mawu aliwonse omwe munganong'oneze nawo bondo pambuyo pake
• Pali zambiri zinthu zopweteka zomwe simuyenera kunena kapena mnzanu asanene kwa inu
• Simungathe kuvulazana pankhondo
• Ngati zili choncho ndi inu, ndiye kuti muyenera kuchitapo kanthu mwamsanga chifukwa nkhanza zakuthupi n’zoletsedwa
• Osati zokhazo, ngakhale kuwopseza kuvulaza kapena kuvulaza n’kosaloledwa
• Konzani nthawi yolankhulana momasuka m'malo mokalipirana

Palibe anthu awiri omwe angaganizire maganizo ndi malingaliro mofanana. Tonsefe tili ndi umunthu wapadera, malingaliro, ndi mfundo zosiyana. Zomwe zimayambitsa chibwenzi chanu sizingayambitse chibwenzi chanu chachiwiri, ndipo mosiyana. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mukumva ngati mukukangana tsiku lililonse muukwati, zingayambitse mavuto okhudzana ndi nkhawa. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tili pano ndi malangizo omenyera nkhondo moyenera kuti muthe kukangana bwino.

Kulimbana Mu Ukwati - Malangizo 10 Kuti Muzichita Bwino

Ukwati ndi mtundu wa kudzipereka kosatha, ndipo mkangano ndi mwayi wophunzira bwino za munthu amene mwagwirizana kuti mukhale naye moyo wanu wonse. Osawopa mikangano. Ndi mwayi woti ubale wanu ukule ngakhale mumasiyana maganizo ndi malingaliro anu. Ngati mukufunsa ngati kumenyana chilungamo m'banja n'kotheka, yankho ndi inde. M'munsimu muli ena mwa maupangiri omenyera ukwati mutakhala ndi mwana kapena mutangotuluka mu gawo la honeymoon:

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungasunge Bwanji Ubale?

1. Osachita zinthu chifukwa chokwiya

Iyi ndi mfundo yoyamba yomwe ndikufuna kuikamba ngati mkazi wokwatiwa kumene. Zonse zinali bwino panthawi ya ukwati. Koma nthawi ya ukwati itayamba kuchepa, kusiyana kunayamba kuonekera. Mikangano inali yopusa kwambiri ndipo inachitika chifukwa cha zinthu zazing'ono poyamba. Kusiyana kokhudzana ndi kusankha mafilimu kapena komwe angadye chakudya chamadzulo ndi chomwe angadye. Kenako nkhani zazikulu zinatsatira pomwe ndewu kapena zifukwa zake sizinali zazing'ono.

Sindinamvetse ngati ndife okha amene tinkamenyana m’banja n’kumavutikirana kumva kapena ndi anthu okwatirana padziko lonse. Ndinazindikira pang'onopang'ono kuti ndi yotsirizira, komanso kuti ngakhale mnzanga ali ndi malingaliro ndi chifuniro chake, komanso kuti kuchita mwaukali kumawononga ubale wathu. 

Mkwiyo sungagawidwe m'gulu la malingaliro abwino kapena oipa. Koma chomwe chingaweruzidwe kuti ndi chabwino kapena choipa ndi momwe munthu amasankhira kusonyeza malingaliro amenewo. Lamulo loyamba la kumenyana m'banja, kapena m'moyo wonse, ndikudziwa momwe mungalamulire mkwiyo wanu osachitapo kanthu. Mukadziwa momwe mungalamulire ndi kuwonetsa mkwiyo wanu, mkangano wonsewo udzabwerera ku liwiro labwino lomwe lidzakhala lothandiza pabanja mtsogolo.

Atafunsidwa pa Reddit momwe tingalimbanirane mwachilungamo muukwati, wogwiritsa ntchito wina anayankha kuti, "Ine ndi mwamuna wanga ndife ofanana chifukwa tonsefe sitilankhula kwambiri. Palibe kutchula mayina. Mikangano/kusagwirizana/kusiyana kwathu kumabweretsa kumvetsetsa bwino momwe wina akumvera kapena momwe amaganizira. Nthawi zina timayenera kuyenda m'njira zosiyanasiyana, kuchoka kwa wina ndi mnzake kwa kanthawi. Kungoti tikhazikike mtima pansi ndikubweranso ndikukhala oganiza bwino komanso abwino. Malingaliro athu amphamvu amatha ndi kukumbatirana ndi kuvomereza."

2. Mvetserani mwachifundo 

Chifundo n'chofunika kwambiri paubwenzi uliwonse. Ubale nthawi zambiri sukhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali popanda chifundo . Mvetserani popanda kusokoneza mnzanu ndipo yesani kumvetsetsa komwe akuchokera. Imani m'malo mwake ndipo yang'anani chilichonse kuchokera momwe akuonera. Yang'anani maso ndikuwatsimikizira kuti akumvetsera. Mnzanu akamaliza kulankhula, sungani mbali yanu ya nkhaniyo patebulo.

Mkangano sungathe kuthetsedwa pokhapokha nonse nonse mutakambirana zodetsa nkhawa za wina ndi mnzake. Perekani nthawi yofanana yomverana wina ndi mzake ndikumvetsera mwachifundo komanso mwachifundo. Pochita izi, mutha kuphunzira zatsopano za mnzanuyo ndikumvetsetsa bwino momwe malingaliro ndi mtima wake zimagwirira ntchito. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 8 a Akatswiri Oyenera Kuthana ndi Mavuto mu Ubwenzi

3. Malamulo omenyera nkhondo m'banja - Musakhale wankhanza ndipo musapereke chigamulo

Ngati mnzanu sakumenyana mwachilungamo, pali mwayi woti angakhale wankhanza kwa inu kapena inuyo mungakhale wankhanza kwa iye. Chimodzi mwazinthu zazikulu zomwe muyenera kupewa apa ndi kunyoza munthu winayo. Siyani kumudzudzula. Nthawi zonse menyanani mwaulemu ndi mnzanu . Kuukira munthuyo, osati vuto, sikuthetsa mkangano wanu. Kudzawonjezera vuto ndikukwiyitsa mnzanuyo kwambiri. Masiku ano ndi ovuta ndipo muyenera kudutsamo limodzi. Kunyoza kumangowonjezera vutoli.

Posachedwapa mnzanga wina ananena kuti: “Ine ndi mwamuna wanga timangokhalira kukangana nthawi zonse. Ndicho chitsanzo cha momwe tingamenyere molakwika. Kuwopseza kuchoka kungayambitse nkhawa mwa okondedwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri. Komanso, chimodzi mwa zinthu zoipa kwambiri zimene mungachite m’banja mwanu n’kuchiyerekezera ndi china. Ubale uliwonse uli ndi kukula kwake, umunthu wake, ndi kufunikira kwake. Simungayerekeze ubale wina ndi mnzake.

Yang'anani njira zoletsera kumenyana m'banja. Musalowetse ana anu m'mikangano. Musawapemphe kuti atenge mbali. Izi zidzakhudza kwambiri thanzi lawo la maganizo. Ndilo lamulo lalikulu kwambiri lomenyera nkhondo mwachilungamo m'banja.

4. Osachepetsa nkhaniyo 

Limodzi mwa malangizo othana muukwati ndi kuthetsa mavuto mwaulemu m'malo monyalanyaza. Ili ndi limodzi mwa mavuto omwe aliyense amakumana nawo muubwenzi . Ngati mnzanu akulankhula zakukhosi kwake ndikunena nkhani yolakwika, musaichepetse mwa kuinyalanyaza. Zikuoneka kuti simusamala za momwe akumvera, zomwe ndi zolakwika pamlingo wambiri. Zidzakupangitsani kukhala woipa ngakhale mutachita cholakwika chilichonse chokhumudwitsa mnzanu.

Kuti akhulupirire ndikumvetsetsa mfundo ndi malingaliro a m'modzi, winayo akuyenera kutsimikizira nkhaniyo povomereza kuti pali vuto lomwe likufunika kukonza. Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti mulipo kwa iwo, komanso kuti akumvetsedwa. Palibe kukhutitsidwa ndi mpumulo wokulirapo kuposa kumvetsetsedwa ndi chikondi cha moyo wanu. 

5. Khalani ndi nthawi yozizirira

Kulamulira mkwiyo muubwenzi n'kofunika kwambiri. Ngati mukuona kuti aliyense wa inu sangathe kulamulira mkwiyo wanu, ndiye kuti pangani nthawi yopumula pomwe mutha kuyima kaye ndikupuma mpweya wakuya. Zili ngati batani lopumula lomwe Lily ndi Marshall amagwiritsa ntchito mu How I Met Your Mother . Nthawi yopumula ndiyofunikira kuti musaiwale zomwe zili zofunika komanso zomwe zidzatsale mkangano utatha - ubale. Inu ndi mnzanu muli mumkhalidwe woipa ndipo ndi bwino kutenga nthawi kuti muchepetse mkwiyo wanu.

Tikamamenyana ndi munthu amene timamukonda, nthawi zambiri timaiwala kuti ndi munthu wathu. Iwo ali ku mbali yathu. Timapanga ndewu kukhala zofunika kwambiri kuposa maubale. Imani kaye ndi kusinkhasinkha kwa kanthaŵi musanalankhule mawu opweteka kwa munthu amene mumamukonda ndi amene amakukondani. Ndinu gulu. Nthawi zonse muzikumbukira kuti simukulimbana wina ndi mnzake. Mukulimbana ndi vuto limodzi. 

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akugawana njira ya agogo awo yomenyera ufulu muukwati, "Izi ndi izi apa. Agogo anga ankakonda mwambi uwu: "Khalani odekha ndi khungu lomwelo lomwe mudalikonda." Ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yokambirana zaukwati. Ngati mukuyamba kukwiya kapena kukwiya msanga, CHOKA. Zinthu zochepa m'moyo zimafa kapena kufa mukakangana. Ndi bwino kuchoka, osanena chilichonse chopweteka (kuti mupeze mfundo, ndi zina zotero), ndikuchiyandikira pambuyo pake ndi mutu wofatsa."

6. Malangizo omenyera nkhondo m'banja - Khalani pa mutu umodzi 

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe ndimaganiza kuti ndi zolakwa zopanda vuto muubwenzi, ndipo ndili ndi mlandu wochita. Ndinkadzifunsa chifukwa chake mwamuna wanga amakangana ndi chilichonse chomwe ndimanena. Kenako ndinazindikira kuti ndimadzutsa nkhani zakale pamene ndikukambirana nkhani yomwe inalipo. Ndi yankho lomwe ndinapeza chifukwa chake ine ndi mwamuna wanga timakangana nthawi zonse. Sindinathe kupitirizabe kukamba nkhani yomweyi yomwe idayamba. Tinkakangana nthawi zonse pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana. Zinthu zazing'ono ngati izi zidzakuthandizani kulimbana bwino muukwati wanu.

Timayamba ndi nkhani imodzi, kenako mkanganowo umasintha kukhala mitu yambiri yomwe idathetsedwa milungu yapitayo. Momwemonso, musabweretse zolakwa zakale kuti mutsimikizire kuti ndinu wolondola. Ili ndi limodzi mwa mavuto ofala kwambiri paubwenzi chifukwa anthu amadziwika kuti amagwetsa anthu ena kuti angotsimikizira kuti ndi olungama. Konzani nkhani imodzi kenako nkupita ku ina. Simungathe kutaya mavuto onse nthawi imodzi ndikuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo awathetse onse nthawi imodzi.

7. Osamugenda mnzako mwala

Kudula miyala ndi chizolowezi choipa chomwe anthu ambiri amakhala nacho kuti azitha kudziletsa komanso kudzidalira. Ngati musiya kumvetsera zomwe mnzanu akunena ndikukana kuyankha, izi zimatchedwa kudula miyala kapena kungokhala chete. Kusamvera nkhawa za mnzanu sikuchepetsa mavuto. Tikumvetsa kuti muli ndi vuto, koma sizikutanthauza kuti mudzadula chete mnzanuyo.

Palibe ubale womwe umatetezedwa ku zovuta. Koma musawachokere kapena kuwapewa chifukwa amakupangitsani kukhala osamasuka. Kupanga miyala kumangolepheretsa kukula kwa ubale wanu ndikuchepetsa chikondi. Zimadziwika kuti wakupha ubale ndipo pamapeto pake zidzabweretsa kunyozedwa ndi kupatukana. Kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wabwino ndi wolimba, muyenera kuthana ndi vutolo limodzi. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 8 Zolumikizirananso Pambuyo pa Nkhondo Yaikulu

8. Sankhani mawu mosamala 

Pamene okwatirana akukangana nthawi zonse, anthu ambiri amagwiritsa ntchito mawu monga “mwachita izi” ndi “mwachita izi.” Mawu oterewa amaika mlandu wonse pa munthu m'modzi ngakhale kuti nthawi zonse zimafunika anthu awiri kuti achite tango. Kunena zinthu zopweteka kumakhudza ubale. Simungayembekezere kuti mnzanuyo aziimba mlandu komanso kuyankha mlandu pamene inunso mwalakwitsa. M'malo mopanga mkangano wonse kukhala wachilendo, gwiritsani ntchito mawu abwino monga “Ndikumva” kapena “Ndikuganiza.” Muyenera kulemba ziganizo zanu mwanzeru pomwe kukambirana kumayamba ndi ziganizo zabwino.

Mofananamo, njira ina yomenyera chilungamo m’banja ndiyo kupewa mawu okokomeza ndi ofala monga akuti “mumachita zimenezo nthaŵi zonse” kapena “simundimvera konse” kapena “izi ndi zimene mumachita nthaŵi zonse.” Ganizirani pa zomwe zikuchitika panthawiyo m'malo momangokhalira kumveketsa bwino. Kukokomeza mkhalidwe sikungakuthandizeni kulimbana mwachilungamo m’banja. 

9. Osayang'ana zofooka zawo

Tonsefe tili ndi zofooka ndipo kugwiritsa ntchito zofooka zimenezo motsutsana ndi munthu amene timamukonda pamkangano n’kukhala wankhanza komanso wankhanza. Mu chikondi chopanda malire , amakukhulupirirani pogawana zofooka zawo. Ngati mukufuna yankho la funso lakuti 'chifukwa chiyani ine ndi mwamuna wanga timakangana nthawi zonse', ndiye kuti mwina mukuchita zinthu mopanda nzeru. Kunena zinthu zachinsinsi zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi nkhani yomwe ikukambidwa si njira yoyenera yomenyera m'banja.

Munthu akaulula zochitika zaumwini kapena chinsinsi chozama, ndichifukwa chakuti avomereza kukhala pachiwopsezo ndi inu. Iwo anachita zimenezi chifukwa amakukondani. Mukapitiriza kugwiritsa ntchito zofookazo ndi mfundo zomveka kuti mupweteke mnzanuyo mokwiya, mudzangotaya chikhulupiriro chomwe ali nacho mwa inu. 

10. Limbanani kuti muthetse

Pamene okwatirana akukangana nthawi zonse, amalephera kumvetsetsa kuti cholinga cha ndewu si kungosonyeza kuti mukukwiyirana ndi munthu winayo. Mkangano si nthawi yoyenera yofotokozera chilichonse chomwe chikukuvutitsani chifukwa onse awiri ali pachiwopsezo chopwetekedwa mtima ndi kuvulala. Mvetsetsani, zindikirani, ndikuthana ndi mkangano wa m'banja mwanjira yothandiza komanso yoganizira njira zothetsera mavuto.

Ngati mukulimbana nthawi zonse m’banja, ndiye kuti mukulakwitsa. Mwina simukuthetsa ndewuyo koma mukungokhalira kukalipirana mwaukali. Limodzi mwa malamulo olimbana m’banja ndi kupeza njira zothetsera vutolo. Khalani pansi pambuyo pa tsiku lalitali, khalani odekha, ndi kufunafuna njira zothetsera vuto lomwe lilipo. Mvetserani mayankho a wina ndi mzake modekha.

Ngati munabwera kuno kudzafuna yankho la "chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wanga amakangana ndi zonse zomwe ndimanena," ndiye kuti tikukhulupirira kuti china chake chakukhudzani kuchokera m'mfundo zomwe zili pamwambapa. Vomerezani kuti palibe amene ali wangwiro. Pali njira zambiri zopepesera moona mtima . Ngati mwalakwitsa, chitani chinthu choyenera popepesa. Ngati mnzanu wapamtima akupepesani, khululukani ndipo muiwale. Psompsonanani ndipo pezani mtendere.

Ngati munachita chilichonse mwa njira zoopsa zomenyera nkhondo, onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo ndi nthawi yomaliza kuchita mwanjira yotere. Adziwitseni kuti ndinu okonzeka kudziwa momwe mungathetsere mikangano mwaumoyo. Awonetseni kuti mwasintha. Maubwenzi onse abwino ayenera kukumana ndi mavuto ndipo maanja onse amamenyana nthawi ndi nthawi. Kudziwa momwe mungathanirane nawo ndi komwe kungakubweretsereni nonse awiri panthawi ya mkangano. Chifukwa zimene mumachita komanso mmene mumachitira pa nthawi ya ndewu n’zofunika kwambiri ngati mmene mumakonderana popanda mavuto. 

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu February 2023.

Ibibazo

Nkhondo Yoyamba Mu Ubale - Zomwe Muyenera Kuyembekezera

Njira 7 Zolimbana Ndi Ubale Zimalimbitsa

Zinthu 9 Zoyenera Kuchita Nkhani Iliyonse Ikasanduka Mkangano

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

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