M'dziko labwino, nkhani iliyonse yachikondi imayenda motere-mumakumana ndi wina, mumayamba kukondana, amakukondani, mumakumana kuti mupange moyo wina ndi mnzake, ndikukhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Komabe, moyo si wabwino ndipo nkhani zapamtima sizikhala zodula ndi zouma. Mwayi ndi, kamodzi m'moyo wanu, mudzakumana ndi vuto lolimbana ndi chikondi chosavomerezeka. Ndizochitika zomwe zimakuwonongani kuchokera mkati, ndikusiya dzenje lalikulu pamtima. Mukangofuna kuti munthu ameneyo aone momwe mukumvera komanso moona mtima momwe mukumvera ndikubwezeranso mofananamo, kulingalira momwe mungathetsere chikondi chosavomerezeka kungawoneke zosatheka.
Kukanidwa komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha chikondi chosayanjanitsika kumakhala kovuta kupirira. Zimayambitsa kupwetekedwa mtima, njira, ndi kudzimvera chisoni kochuluka, ndi kuwolowa manja kwa manyazi. Ndi zonsezi, zimabweretsa kudzidalira kwanu. Ngati munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri sakumveranso chimodzimodzi, zingakupangitseni kukayikira kuti ndinu wofunika. Chifukwa chiyani sandikonda? Kodi sindine wabwino mokwanira? Chifukwa chiyani sakuwona momwe tingakhalire limodzi? Mafunso amenewa akhoza kusintha mmene mumadzionera.
Ndi zambiri kuchita nazo. Komabe, ngakhale kuti sizingawoneke choncho mukakhala mukumva kuwawa kwa mtima ndi kupweteka kwa kukanidwa, sikuli mapeto a njira. N’zotheka kuphunzira kusiya kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye, kuchiritsa mtima wanu, ndi kutseguliranso munthu watsopano. M'nkhaniyi, tikuuzani momwe mungachitire, koma choyamba, tiyeni tikambirane za chikondi chosayenerera kwenikweni ndi chifukwa chake chimakhudza kwambiri anthu.
Kodi Chikondi Chosayenerera N'chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi chikondi chosayenerera chimatanthauza chiyani? Ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi pamene wina ali ndi malingaliro ozama a chikondi, chikondi, kapena chikhumbo cha chikondi kwa wina amene alibe maganizo ofananawo. Zimakhala zopweteka komanso zopweteka mtima, chifukwa kulakalaka kubwezeredwa kaŵirikaŵiri kumabweretsa kudzimva wokanidwa, kusungulumwa, ndi kudzikayikira. Katswiri wa maunansi Dr. Helen Fisher akufotokoza kuti, “Chikondi chachikondi ndicho chikhumbo chachikulu cha mgwirizano wamaganizo, ndipo chikondicho chikapanda kubwezeretsedwa, ubongo umachita mofanana ndi ululu wakuthupi.”
Chikondi chamtunduwu chingachitike m'njira zosiyanasiyana—kaya ndi chikondi chosayembekezereka kwa munthu amene sakukuonani, mgwirizano wamphamvu wamaganizo womwe suli pakati panu, kapena ngakhale ubale umene mnzawo wina amakondana kwambiri kuposa winayo . Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Guy Winch akuwonjezera kuti, “Chikondi chosayembekezereka chimakhala chopweteka kwambiri chifukwa chimasunga chiyembekezo, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kupitiriza.”
Ziribe kanthu kuti mkhalidwewo ndi wotani, kulimbana ndi malingaliro osayenerera kumadetsa nkhaŵa. Ngati mulola kukana malingaliro anu kumeneku kukhala muyezo wa kufunika kwanu monga munthu, zotsatirapo zake pa thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndi thanzi lanu zingakhale zowononga kwambiri. Umu ndi momwe kutengeka kopanda thanzi kumayambira. Pamene mbali ina ya inu imatsimikiza kuti ndinu woyenerera kokha ngati munthu amene muli naye m’chikondi amakukondaninso. Kuchiritsa ndi kusuntha kuchoka ku chikondi chosayenerera kumafuna kuswa malingaliro awa, choyamba. Kuti izi zitheke, muyenera kusiya kukana, kuchita ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi ndikusiya chiyembekezo chakuti tsiku lina, mwanjira ina, munthu winayo angamvenso chimodzimodzi za inu.
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5 Zizindikiro Zodziwika Zachikondi Chosayenerera
Anthu ambiri amavutika kupeza njira yopitira patsogolo ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi chifukwa kusabwezera malingaliro anu kungakhale kosokoneza komanso kopweteka, makamaka ngati munthu winayo sanakane mwachindunji zomwe mwamuchita—kaya chifukwa sakudziwa momwe mukumvera kapena sakufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho kwathunthu pazifukwa zilizonse—kapena ngati mukukhulupirira kuti pakapita nthawi, akhoza kuyamba kukukondani.
Kuti muthane ndi kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro komwe kumabwera chifukwa chosakubwezerani malingaliro anu, chisokonezocho chiyenera kutha. Muyenera kumveka bwino pomwe inu ndi munthu winayo mukuyimira pankhaniyi. Izi 5 zizindikilo zosakayikitsa za chikondi chosavomerezeka zidzakufikitsani pafupi ndi kumveka bwino kumeneku:
1. Ndinu amene mukuyesetsa nthawi zonse
Ngati ndinu amene mumatumiza mauthenga nthawi zonse, kukonzekera, kapena kuyambitsa kukambirana, zingakhale chizindikiro chakuti malingaliro anu sakugwirizana. Komanso, ngati sizikuwoneka kuti zikukhudza munthu winayo ngati mwadzidzidzi muyankhanso pankhaniyi. Mwachitsanzo, ngati muwatumizira uthenga wakuti "mwadzuka bwanji" tsiku lililonse, ndipo amayankha kuti "Moni" patatha maola anayi kapena ayi, ndiye kuti tsiku lina, mumaganiza zosiya kuchitapo kanthu nthawi zonse, ndipo samayang'ananso kuti aone chomwe chavuta.
Izi zikuwonetsa kuti munthu yemwe mukumufunirayo samakusiyirani malingaliro ambiri chifukwa alibe chidwi. Ngati wina amakukondanidi, amayesetsa kukhala olumikizana. Mphunzitsi wa maubwenzi Matthew Hussey anati, "Munthu wina akafuna, samakusiyani mukungoganizira chabe.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Anyamata Amatumizirana Mauthenga Akamakukondani—Timakupatsirani Zizindikiro 15
2. Amalankhula za zokonda zina
Ndakumanapo ndi izi ndekha pa chikondi changa chosabwezera chokhudza bwenzi lomwe lili ndi zabwino . Monga momwe zimakhalira nthawi zambiri pankhaniyi, munthu m'modzi amakonda kugwira malingaliro. Mwatsoka, kwa ine, mu nkhani yathu, munthu ameneyo anali ine. FWB wanga anandipempha kuti ndimukonze ndi mnzanga wina amene ankamuona kuti "ndi wotentha kwambiri", atangodumphira pabedi nane.
Ichi, kwa ine, chinali chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za chikondi chosayenerera chomwe chinandiwonetsera momveka bwino kuti ndimayenera kuthyolapo ndikudula zotayika zanga ndisanalowe mozama kwambiri. Ngati mukuchita ndi chinthu chofanana ndi munthu amene mumamukonda amakulankhulani momasuka za kuphwanya kwawo, masiku, kapena maubwenzi, ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu kuti alibe chikondi kwa inu. Zabwino kwambiri, amakuwonani ngati bwenzi lothandizira lomwe angadalire kuti asinthe moyo wawo wachikondi.
Wina akamakambirana nanu mwatsatanetsatane za moyo wake wachikondi, zikutanthauza kuti amakuonani ngati munthu woulula zinsinsi zanu, osati munthu wokondana naye.
—Dr. Guy Winch, katswiri wa zamaganizo
3. Iwo ali kutali ndi maganizo kapena thupi
Mumadziwa bwanji kuti mukulimbana ndi chikondi chosaneneka? Ichi ndi chizindikiro chomwe simungachiphonye - kutalikirana ndi malingaliro ndi thupi. Mwachitsanzo, mutha kugawana nawo china chake chokhudza moyo wanu, koma amayankha ndi mutu wachifundo kapena mobisa kuti, "Pepani kuti mwadutsamo", m'malo mofikira kukutonthozani ndikudziwitsani kuti aliko chifukwa cha inu.
Izi zimachitika pokhapokha ngati wina sakukondani kwambiri. Angakhale aubwenzi, koma sangachite chilichonse kuti amange ubale wapamtima. Pofotokoza chifukwa chake kusiyana kwa malingaliro kumeneku kuli pakati pa zizindikiro za malingaliro osayankhidwa, katswiri wa zamaganizo Esther Perel anati, "Chikondi chimakula mukamakhala pafupi ndi inu. Ngati wina akusungani pafupi, mwina sakukondani."
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4. Ubwenzi wanu umakhala wa mbali imodzi
Kodi mumamva ngati mukuchita khama lonse pamene iwo akungotsatira? Nthawi zonse mumakumbukira zomwe amakonda kuyitanitsa khofi, kuwadabwitsa ndi mphatso zazing'ono, ndikulembetsa tsiku lawo, koma nthawi zambiri sachita chimodzimodzi kwa inu. Ngati nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi nthawi yokwanira pa nthawi yawo, kusintha mapulani kuti agwirizane nawo, kapena kuchita zinthu zina pamene iwo sachita khama kwambiri, chikondi chanu sichikubwezeredwa. Katswiri wa ubale Dr. John Gottman akuti, " Ubale wabwino umamangidwa pa khama la onse awiri. Ngati munthu m'modzi akuchita ntchito yonse, si chikondi—ndi kusalingana."
5. Amapereka zizindikiro zosakanikirana
Samaira, wazaka 29, yemwe wakhala pamavuto osadziwikiratu ndi mnyamata amene adakumana naye kudzera mwa anzake, adalembera Bonobology, akufunsa kuti, "Ndinakumana ndi Ricky pa phwando la mnzanga ndipo nthawi yomweyo ndinadabwa ndi kukongola kwake. Tilinso ndi zinthu zambiri zofanana ndipo tinayamba kugwirizana nthawi yomweyo, ndipo tayamba chibwenzi kangapo kuyambira pamenepo. M'miyezi ingapo yapitayi, ndakhala ndikumukonda kwambiri koma wakhala akumukonda kwambiri."
“Masiku ena, timatha maola ambiri tikutumizirana mameseji, iye amatikopa n’kunena kuti, “Ndiwe wodabwitsa! Sindikudziwa kuti ndikadatani popanda iweyo”, kenako amasowa kwa masiku angapo.” Kapena akuwoneka kuti alibe chidwi ndi mayankho ake.
Zachidziwikire, Samaira akukumana ndi malingaliro osasangalatsa. Ngati inunso muli mumkhalidwe wofananawo, inunso muli ndi vuto. Pamene malingaliro a wina pa inu sakumveka bwino, ndi chifukwa chakuti iwo alibe ndalama monga inu muliri. Katswiri wa zibwenzi Mark Manson akufotokoza kuti: “Munthu wina akakukondadi, zochita zake zimafanana ndi mawu ake.
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N'chifukwa Chiyani Chikondi Chosayenerera Chimapweteka Kwambiri?
Chikondi chosayembekezereka sichimapweteketsa mtima chabe - chimamveka ngati nkhonya yam'mimba. Koma n’chifukwa chiyani kudziwa munthu amene umamukonda/kumukonda sikumamvanso chimodzimodzi ponena za iwe? Ululu suli m'mutu mwanu; ndi zamaganizo, zamitsempha, ngakhalenso zakuthupi. Izi ndi zomwe zimayambitsa:
1. Ubongo wanu umaona kukanidwa ngati kupweteka kwa thupi
Mukakhala pachikondi, ubongo wanu umatulutsa dopamine ("mankhwala odzimva bwino") ndi oxytocin ("hormone yolumikizana"). Koma malingaliro amenewa akabwezedwa, amapanga malo opanda kanthu ndipo ubongo wanu umasiya, monga momwe munthu akumvera munthu amene wasiya mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Kodi kumva kupweteka pachifuwa panu mutakana? Sikuti kuli m'maganizo mwanu mokha—ndi ubongo wanu womwe umachitapo kanthu chifukwa cha kutayika kwa ubale wamkati . Dr. Fisher akufotokoza kuti, "Kukana chikondi kumayambitsa madera ofanana a ubongo ndi ululu wakuthupi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake chikondi chosabwezedwa chimamveka chosapiririka."
2. Imadyetsa kusatetezeka kwanu kwambiri
Monga ndanenera, chikondi chosabwezera chimapweteka kwambiri chifukwa chimakupangitsani kukayikira kufunika kwanu. Maganizo monga " Kodi sindili bwino ?" kapena "Kodi ali ndi chiyani chomwe ine ndilibe?" amatha kusokonekera, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mudzikayikire komanso kuti musamadzikayikire. Mumayambanso kusanthula momwe mumachitira zinthu, ndikudabwa ngati mwanena cholakwika kapena ngati muyenera kusintha kuti mukhale "woyenera" chikondi chawo.
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3. Ubongo wanu umakakamira ku chiyembekezo chabodza
Kuzindikira momwe mungapitirire kuchoka ku chikondi cha mbali imodzi kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kwa anthu ambiri chifukwa amakhala ndi chiyembekezo chabodza kuti tsiku lina, mwinamwake, munthu amene amamukonda adzamva chimodzimodzi za iwo. Ngakhale mutadziwa bwino kuti palibe chimene mungachite kuti musinthe mmene wina amakuonerani, chiyembekezo chonyenga chimenechi chimakupangitsani kuti mupitirizebe kukakamirabe. Mukuganiza kuti mukangochita izi kapena izo, mutawapatsa mwayi wina, kuwawonetsa momwe mumawakondera, adzabwezera.
Kuzungulira kumeneku kumayamba chifukwa cha vuto la maganizo lotchedwa intermittent reinforcement (kapena breadcrumbing , monga momwe anthu ambiri amadziwira)—pamene wina amakupatsani chisamaliro chokwanira kuti mupitirizebe kukonda koma osakwanira kuti mudzipereke mokwanira. Amakubwezerani mauthenga nthawi zina, amakumwetulirani mwanjira inayake, kapena amati, “Mwina m’moyo wina…” Ndipo mwadzidzidzi, mumabwereranso kukhulupirira kuti pali mwayi. Dr. Winch akuti, “Chikondi chosabwezedwa chimakhala chopweteka kwambiri chifukwa chimasunga chiyembekezo chamoyo, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kupitiriza.”
4. Zimapangitsa kusamvana m'maganizo
Chikondi chikuyenera kukhala njira ziwiri, koma ngati sichili bwino, ndiwe yekhayo amene amaika ndalama m'maganizo. Izi zimapanga kusalinganika komwe mumapereka nthawi zonse pomwe iwo amakhala opanda chidwi, ndikukupangitsani kumva kuti watopa. Pamene mupereka zochuluka, m’pamenenso mumalakalaka kwambiri kuti akukondeni, kukuchirikizani, ndi kukupatsani ndalama zokhutiritsa zamaganizo. Koma palibe amene amabwera. Ndipo chifukwa chakuti mwapereka zambiri za inu nokha kwa munthu uyu, mwaikapo mozama mwa iwo, kuchokapo kumakhala kovuta. Zili ngati wotchova njuga akuluza patebulo. Akaluza kwambiri, m'pamenenso kumakhala kovuta kuti achokepo chifukwa ndi kutayika kulikonse pamtengowo amakhala wokulirapo.
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5. Zimayambitsa mantha osiyidwa
Kukanidwa kungayambitse mantha akuya akuti simunathe , makamaka ngati mudakumanapo ndi mabala amtima akale. Ngati mudayamba mwakhalapo ndi mzimu, kukanidwa, kapena kunyalanyazidwa kale, chikondi chosabwezedwa chingatsegulenso mabala amtimawo, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ululuwo ukhale waukulu. Izi zingapangitse ululu wa chikondi chosabwezedwa kukhala waukulu kwambiri.
6. Mumaona kuti mwalephera kudziletsa
Chimodzi mwazinthu zovuta kwambiri za chikondi chosayenerera ndi chakuti simungathe kupanga wina kuti akukondeni. Mosasamala kanthu za khama lotani limene mungayese—kaya kukuwoneka bwino koposa kwanu, kukhalapo kwa iwo, kapena kusonyeza mikhalidwe yanu yabwino koposa—simungasinthe mmene akumvera. Kulephera kudziletsa kungakhale kokhumudwitsa komanso kokhumudwitsa, kukupangitsani kukhala wopanda mphamvu m'malingaliro anu.
Malangizo 8 amomwe Mungadutse Chikondi Chosavomerezeka
Popeza kuti chikondi chosabwezerani chimakhudza kwambiri moyo wanu, kusintha kuchoka pa chikondi chosabwezerani sikophweka. Ngakhale mbali ina ya moyo wanu ikudziwa kuti chikondi chanu pa munthu wina sichingachitike muubwenzi, ululu, mantha ndi kusadzidalira, ndipo koposa zonse, chikhulupiriro chakuti munthu amene mukufunayo ndiye yekhayo amene angachiritse zonsezi chingapangitse kuti kusuntha kukhale kovuta . Zimakhala ngati kuyesa kusiya chizolowezi chomwe simunafune kusiya. Ngakhale ululuwo ndi weniweni, kuchira n'kotheka. Chofunika kwambiri ndikusintha maganizo anu kuchoka pa zomwe simungakhale nazo kupita ku zomwe mukuyenera. Malangizo othandizidwa ndi akatswiri awa a momwe mungathetsere chikondi chosabwezerani amakuthandizani kuchita zimenezo:
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1. Vomerezani kuti sichinapangidwe
Chinsinsi cha vuto lanu la momwe mungasiyire kukonda munthu amene simungakhale naye ndi kuvomereza. Gawo loyamba—ndi lovuta—paulendo wanu wochira ndikupitiriza ndi kuvomereza kuti munthuyo sakumva chimodzimodzi. Kusunga chiyembekezo kudzangokulitsa ululu wanu. Chifukwa chake, m'malo moganiza kuti, “Mwina adzasintha maganizo awo tsiku lina,” dziuzeni kuti, “Ndiyenera munthu amene angandisankhe popanda kukayikira.” Dr. Winch akufotokoza kuti, “Kukanidwa sikutanthauza kuti ndinu wosayenera—kumangotanthauza kuti kulumikizana sikugwirizana. Chikondi chiyenera kukhala msewu wa mbali ziwiri.”
2. Dulani kukhudzana (kwa kanthawi)
Kodi mukudabwa momwe mungathanirane ndi chikondi chosabwezera, kuchiritsa, ndi kupitiriza? Tsatirani lamulo loti musalankhule nawo . Kuwaona kapena kulankhula nawo nthawi zonse kudzakuthandizani kuti muchepetse malingaliro anu ndikupita patsogolo. Hussey akuti, "Kutalikirana sikutanthauza kuwalanga—ndi kuwapatsa mpata woti achire." Chifukwa chake, ngati mumakonda kuwatsata pa Instagram, yesani kuletsa zosintha zawo. Ngati simungathe kuletsa kuwatumizira mameseji, chotsani nambala yawo. Khalani ndi cholinga choti mupite masiku osachepera 30 osalankhulana nawo, kuyambitsa kulankhulana nawo, kapena kuyankha ngati alankhulana nawo (chomwe ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri). Ngakhale simuyenera kuwachotsa m'moyo wanu kwamuyaya, kubwerera m'mbuyo ndikofunikira kuti muchiritsidwe.
3. Lolani kuti mukhale ndi chisoni
Kaya mukukumana ndi kukondana kosayembekezereka, kukonda kwambiri munthu amene sakukumvani mofanana ndi inu, kapena ubale wopanda pake ndi mnzanu, kusiya kugwirizana kumeneko ndi kutayika—kutayika kwa zomwe munkayembekezera. Palibe vuto kumva chisoni, kukwiya, kapena kusweka mtima. Chifukwa chake, dzipatseni chilolezo cholira, kulemba mu dayalo, kapena kulankhula ndi mnzanu za zomwe mukumva. Simuyenera kunamizira kuti muli bwino chifukwa kuletsa malingaliro anu kumangopangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kupitiriza. Monga momwe Perel akunenera, “Chisoni chosakonzedwa sichimatha—chimangobwereranso pambuyo pake m’njira zosayembekezereka.”
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4. Lekani kuwakonda
Munthu amene mumakanthidwa naye mopanda chiyembekezo ndi wopanda chilema kapena wangwiro, monga momwe mumafunira. Mukakhala m'chikondi, mumakonda kuganiza za chinthu chomwe mumakonda, makamaka m'masiku oyambirira achikondi. Zoonadi? Iwo sali angwiro, ndipo siwokhawo amawombera pa chikondi. Ndi maso anu opangidwa ndi rozi omwe amawapangitsa kuwoneka choncho, pamene mumayang'ana kwambiri makhalidwe awo abwino ndikunyalanyaza zolakwika zawo. Dzikumbutseni izi pamene mumadzipeza mukuganiza kuti, "Palibe wina amene angandipangitse kumva chonchi."
"Nthawi zambiri timasokoneza kukhudzidwa kwamalingaliro ndi kugwirizana kwenikweni."
Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeév, katswiri wa zamaganizo
5. Sinthani mphamvu zanu kwa inu nokha
Mphunzitsi wa kudzikonda, Vex King, akuti, “Mukamadziona kuti ndinu ofunika kwambiri, mudzakhala osakonda anthu omwe sakukondani.” Ngati mukuvutika kupeza njira yothetsera chikondi chomwe simukuchifuna, ndi nthawi yoti musinthe maganizo anu pa inu nokha. M'malo mongoganizira za iwo, ganizirani nokha. Yesani zosangalatsa zatsopano, khalani ndi zolinga zanu, kapena muziganizira zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva bwino. Lowani nawo kalasi yovina, yambani masewera olimbitsa thupi, kapena pitani kwina—chilichonse chomwe chimasintha mphamvu zanu kuti mudzikulitse chidzathandiza kuchiritsa mtima wanu wosweka ndikumanganso kudzidalira kwanu.
6. Dzizungulireni ndi anthu okuthandizani
Kulimbana ndi chikondi chosayenerera nokha nokha kungapangitse kuti mavutowo awoneke ngati osatheka. Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe muyenera kutsamira pa anthu omwe amakukondani komanso amakukondani. Konzekerani ulendo wakumapeto kwa mlungu ndi anzanu, imbani foni kwa bwenzi lanu pamene mukukhumudwa, kapena lowani nawo gulu lomwe lili ndi zokonda zanu.
Kukhala pafupi ndi abwenzi ndi achibale omwe amakukondani ndi kukuyamikirani kapena pafupi ndi anthu omwe amagawana zomwe mumakonda komanso masomphenya anu akhoza kukukumbutsani kufunika kwanu. Akhoza kupereka malingaliro, kuseka, ndi zododometsa zofunika kwambiri. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti kulumikizana kumatulutsa oxytocin, "hormone yolumikizana" yomweyo yomwe chikondi chimayamba. Ndicho chifukwa chake kudzizungulira nokha ndi okondedwa anu kungakuthandizeni kuti musamakhale nokha.
7. Tsegulani mwayi watsopano wachikondi
Mwina simungakhale okonzeka kulowa muubwenzi wina pamene mukuganizira momwe mungathanirane ndi chikondi chosabwezera, ndipo palibe vuto. Koma musatseke chitseko cha mwayi wachikondi. Khalani ndi maganizo otseguka, ndipo pitirizani ndi zomwe zikuchitika. Yesani kupita kukadya khofi kapena kutsitsa pulogalamu yopezera chibwenzi kuti mufufuze.
Ngakhale palibe choopsa chomwe chingachitike, chingathandize kusintha malingaliro anu kuchokera ku lingaliro lakuti munthu amene mukumufunayo ndi mwayi wanu wokha pa chikondi chenicheni - pamene kwenikweni, iwo sali. Mphunzitsi wa zibwenzi Mark Manson anati, “Njira yabwino yopitira patsogolo si kudikirira kuti malingaliro atha—ndikudzikumbutsa kuti pali anthu mamiliyoni ambiri kunjako.”
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 15 Zodabwitsa Zoti Simukutanthauza Chilichonse Kwa Iye
8. Pitirizani kudzikumbutsa kuti chikondi chiyenera kugwirizana
Limodzi mwa malangizo osavuta a momwe mungathanirane ndi chikondi chosabwezera ndikudzikumbutsa kuti kuti chikondi chikule bwino kukhala ubale wokhalitsa , chiyenera kukhala chogwirizana. Chikondi chenicheni sichikutanthauza kuthamangitsa munthu amene sakuona kufunika kwanu. Koma ndi kufuna munthu amene amakuonani kufunika. Monga momwe Wolemba Brené Brown akunenera, “Ndinu woyenera chikondi chomwe sichimafuna kuvutika kuti mutsimikizire kuti chilipo.” Nthawi iliyonse mukayamba kumva ngati mwataya chinthu chamtengo wapatali, dzikumbutseni kuti: Ngati anali munthu woyenera kwa ine, sindikanayenera kuwalimbikitsa kuti andikonde.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Chikondi chosaneneka ndi kugwirizana kwa mbali imodzi kumene wina ali ndi malingaliro ozama a chikondi, chikondi, kapena chikhumbo cha chikondi kwa wina amene samva chimodzimodzi.
- Zitha kukhala zowawa komanso zosweka mtima chifukwa ubongo wathu umachita kukanidwa ngati kupweteka kwakuthupi, umadyetsa kusatetezeka kwathu kozama ndikuyambitsa mantha osiyidwa, ndikutipangitsa kumva kuti tilibe mphamvu.
- Mumadziwa bwanji kuti mukulimbana ndi chikondi chosaneneka? Zizindikiro zina zodziwika bwino ndizomwe mukuchitapo kanthu popanda kubwezeranso pang'ono kapena khama kuchokera kwa munthu wina, m'malingaliro ndi momwe mumakhalira kutali ndi inu, komanso zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana.
- Kuvomereza ndi sitepe yoyamba yolimbana ndi chikondi chosayenerera ndikupita patsogolo. Mukangovomereza izi, muyenera kusiya kucheza ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda, kudzilola kuti mumve chisoni chakutayika, ndiyeno musamukire kwa inu nokha.
- Kuchoka ku chikondi chosayembekezereka kumakhala kosavuta pamene mumadzikumbutsa nokha kuti kuti chikondi chiziyenda bwino chiyenera kukhala chamoyo zonse, ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo, tsegulani nokha kuzinthu zatsopano zachikondi zomwe zingakutsogolereni kwa munthu amene amakukondani momwe mumayenera kukondedwa.
Maganizo Final
Chikondi chosayembekezereka chimapweteka, koma ndi mwayi wodziganizira nokha, kudzikuza, ndi kutsegula mtima wanu kwa munthu amene amakuonani ndi kukuonani kukhala wamtengo wapatali. Kuthetsa chikondi chosayenerera sikunamizire kuti sikunapweteke, ndiko kusankha kuchira, kukula, ndi kupita patsogolo. Ndibwino kuti mutenge nthawi yanu, koma musaiwale: chikondi chomwe mukuyenera kukhala nacho chiri kunja uko, ndipo sichidzakupangitsani kumva ngati mukuyenera kupempha.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Chikondi Chimapweteka Kwambiri Ndiponso Zoyenera Kuchita?
Kupatsa Kwambiri Paubwenzi? Motani Kuti Mudzipereke Kwa Inu Nokha
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Nthawi zonse pawekha kuchita zinthu zabwino ndi zosangalatsa ndipo palibe amene anazindikira, musakhale osangalala. Pakuti kuwala kwa dzuwa m'mawa uliwonse ndi wokongola choonetsedwa koma ambiri owerenga akadali kugona.