9 Zizindikiro Zokongola Za Maubwenzi Achikondi

Kaya muli pachibwenzi, muubwenzi wodzipereka, kapena m'banja, pamabwera nthawi yomwe mumadabwa momwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mungatanthauzire maubwenzi okondana. Lero, tiwona zambiri zosakhwima zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wopambana komanso wachikondi.

Kudziwa momwe mungapangire ndikusunga ubale wabwino kumapitirira kutsimikizira mtendere wamumtima. Malinga ndi Dr. Robert Waldinger (dokotala wa matenda amisala komanso mkulu wa Harvard Study of Adult Development ), ubale wabwino umagwira ntchito yofunika kwambiri pa thanzi lathu lonse komanso chisangalalo chathu. Ichi ndichifukwa chake kukhala 'wokonda' ngati chikondi sichikuperekedwanso kumatha kukupangitsani kudwala.

Kupeza upangiri kuchokera kwa akatswiri pankhani ya uphungu waukwati, banja, ndi ubale ndi chiyambi chabwino. Chifukwa chake, tidalumikizana ndi Shravya Kumar , mlangizi wodziwa bwino za ubale. Amatiuza kuti simungathe kuneneratu momwe ubale udzapitirire, koma mutha kuganizira zinthu zingapo kuti muwone ngati zikugwirizana nanu. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mudziwe malangizo ndi njira zake zapadera zolimbikitsira ndikusunga ubale wachikondi.

9 Zizindikiro Zokongola Za Maubwenzi Achikondi

Kumar akuti, “Ubale wachikondi ndi pamene anthu awiri amavomerezana ndi mtima wonse, ndi zofooka zawo zonse, komwe kulibe kuweruzana kulikonse, ulemu waukulu kwa wina ndi mnzake, komanso chikondi chokha.”

Koma palibe ubale womwe uli wangwiro ndipo palibe cholakwika poyang'ana zizindikiro kuti mudzikumbutse momwe mnzanuyo akutanthauza kwa inu. Zina mwa zizindikiro zambiri za ubale wokongola komanso wachikondi weniweni ndi:

1. Kulemekezana ndi kulemekezana kosatha

Kukhala ndi kulemekezana kopanda malire ndi chizindikiro choyamba cha kukhala paubwenzi wabwino ndi wachikondi. Pasakhale chikaiko m'maganizo mwanu za ulemu wa mnzanu kwa inu.

Chidule cha yankho la Reddit mwatsatanetsatane chimati, “Mumawalemekeza ngati munthu. Pali zinthu zomwe mumaziyamikira ndipo mumapeza zina mwa ‘zofooka’ zawo zabwino ndipo palibe vuto kuti pali zinthu zina zomwe simukuzikonda chifukwa ndi anthu ovuta kwambiri ndipo mumawayamikira chifukwa cha umunthu wawo wonse.”

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2. Kuyamikira ndi kuyamikira

Inu ndi mnzanu mumayamikirana ndi kusonyezana kuyamikirana, pozindikira kuti mumakhudzana bwino pa moyo wa wina ndi mnzake. Kusonyeza ndi kulandira zinthu zoyamikirana ndi kuyamikira moona mtima nthawi zambiri ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za kukhala paubwenzi wabwino komanso wachikondi. Kafukufuku wofalitsidwa ndi University of North Carolina akuchirikiza mfundo imeneyi. Pofotokoza mwachidule zomwe zapezeka, "Kuyamikira kumalimbikitsa maanja kusunga maubwenzi ofunika."

3. Kulekerera ndi kusinthasintha

Ngati onse awiri ali okonzeka kulolerana ndi kukhala osinthasintha kuti akwaniritse zosowa za wina ndi mnzake, ubale wabwino wa nthawi yayitali ukhoza kupangidwa. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti anthu ayenera kuphwanya zolinga zawo kapena mfundo zawo za moyo. Kungololerana muubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumatanthauza kukhala osinthasintha pa moyo wanu wa tsiku ndi tsiku.

Zimakhala zosavuta kugwirizana ngati maanja agwirizana kuti agwirizane ndi ndandanda yawo ndi kukwaniritsa zopempha za wina ndi mnzake. Kuganiziranso zosankha zanu ndikukhala ndi kusinthasintha kwa mnzanu ndi makiyi obisika a maubwenzi okondana.

4. Makhalidwe ndi zokonda zogawana

Ngati mukukopeka ndi winawake pamene mukukambirana nkhani zozama , ndipo ngati mukuona kuti malingaliro ake ndi ofunika, ndiye kuti munthu wotereyu akhoza kukhala mnzanu wa nthawi yayitali. Ngati nonse muli ndi makhalidwe ofanana, zokonda, ndi zikhulupiriro zofanana, zimathandiza kumanga maziko olimba a ubalewo. Zitsanzo zina za zikhalidwe za chikondi chaubwenzi zomwe banja limagawana zinthu zambiri zomwe amakonda, zokonda, ndi makhalidwe abwino ndi izi:

• Ali ndi moyo wofanana
• Iwo akulera ana m’njira yoti makolo awo azigwirizana
• Kapena ali pa tsamba limodzi za kufuna kapena kusafuna kukhala ndi ana
• Zolinga zawo za ubale wautali zimagwirizana
• Amakhala ndi malingaliro ofanana/ofanana pazandale kapena pazandale

Kukhala ndi malingaliro ofanana pa ambiri, ngati si onse, mwa izi ndi chizindikiro chabwino chokhala patsamba limodzi muubwenzi wanu.

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5. Kuthetsa kusamvana

Kodi inu ndi mnzanuyo mungathe kuthetsa mikangano mwanjira yabwino komanso yaulemu, popanda kugwiritsa ntchito machitidwe opweteka kapena owononga? Kukhala ndi njira zopambana zothetsera mikangano ndi gawo lalikulu pakukulitsa ubale wachikondi komanso wokhalitsa ndi mnzanuyo, ndikuchepetsa nkhawa pakati pa inu nonse.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akufotokoza momwe kuthetsa mikangano muubwenzi wawo kumathandizira kuti azikhala omasuka kufotokoza maganizo awo. Chidule cha yankho lawo chimati, "... zimasunga chilichonse bata ndipo palibe amene amakwiya, ndipo tonsefe timapeza mwayi wokambirana momwe tikumvera."

6. Kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima

Kulankhulana ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse wabwino. Kumar anati: “Ubwenzi wabwino ndi wachikondi ungayambike kokha ngati okwatirana amalankhulana moona mtima, momasuka, ndi momvekera bwino, kwinaku akufotokoza malingaliro awo ndi malingaliro awo m’njira yabwino.” Amapereka malangizo angapo:

• Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu ndikumvetsera mwachidwi pamene mnzanuyo achita chimodzimodzi
• Kumvetsera momasuka komanso mopanda kuweruza ndi mbali yofunikira ya kulankhulana kwabwino
• Sungani mauthenga ena a digito kukhala ochepa mukakhala ndi okondedwa anu ndipo muwafunse kuti achite chimodzimodzi mukamakambirana zofunikira
• Pitilizani kuyang'anana maso ndikuyang'ana zokambiranazo mokoma mtima komanso mwachifundo kwa ena ofunikira. Pali chinthu ngati kukopana ndi maso; zimathandiza kwambiri kumanga ubale wabwino

7. Kukhulupirira ndi kuona mtima

Nazi zizindikiro za ubale wachikondi chenicheni:

• Pamene onse awiri akukhulupirirana ndi kukhala oona mtima kwa wina ndi mzake, ngakhale pa nthawi zovuta kapena zovuta
• Pamene akutulutsa kumverera kwachitetezo mkati mwanu
• Pamene chiwopsezo sichimamva ngati cholemetsa kapena kupsinjika ndi wokondedwa wanu
• Pamene simudandaula za maganizo anu kapena thupi lanu pamaso pa wokondedwa wanu
• Mukadziwa kuti mudzadziwidwa kuti ndinu okondedwa kwa mnzanu ngakhale ndi zovuta zanu

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8. Chikondi ndi ubwenzi

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyambirira za ubale wabwino ndikukhala omasuka ndi ubale wapamtima. Izi sizimangokhudza ubale wapamtima wogonana, komanso PDA. Kumar akunena kuti momwe munthu amakusonyezerani ubale wapamtima sayenera kungokwaniritsa zilakolako zogonana zokha. Ziyeneranso kukhala zogwirizana ndi momwe mnzanuyo amakuchitirani pamaso pa anzawo ndi abale ake.

Izi zikunenedwa, onse awiri ayenera kukhala ndi kukambirana za momwe alili omasuka ndi PDA komanso mpaka pati. Bwerani pa mgwirizano wa njira zowonetsera chikondi ndi ubwenzi womwe umakhala womasuka komanso wokwanira kwa onse awiri.

9. Thandizo ndi chilimbikitso

Onse awiri ayenera kuthandizana ndi kulimbikitsana zolinga, maloto, ndi kukula kwa wina ndi mnzake. Kupereka chithandizo chamaganizo kwa munthu amene mumamukonda kumatanthauza kukhalapo pa masiku awo osangalatsa, masiku achisoni, ndi masiku ena pakati pawo. Zizindikiro za chithandizo champhamvu chamaganizo ndi chilimbikitso muubwenzi wachikondi, zomwe ndi maziko a chithandizo , zitha kukhala:

• Kuvomerezana ndi kulemekezana maganizo
• Kupangitsa wina ndi mzake kumva kukondedwa
• Kutonthozana wina ndi mzake
• Kusonyeza chifundo kwa wokondedwa wanu

Njira 5 Zopangira Ubale Wachikondi

Kumar anati: “N’zovuta kuneneratu ngati ubwenziwo udzakhala wosangalatsa komanso wachikondi kapena ayi, koma muyenera kuganizira zotsatirazi:

• Mumamasuka bwanji ndi iwo
• Momwe amakuchitirani pabedi
• Momwe amakuchitirani abwenzi awo ali pafupi
• Momwe mumalankhulirana mosavuta pa chilichonse ndi chilichonse
• Mmene mumalankhulira za kugonana, ubwenzi, ndi malire”

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Kupatula apo, pali njira zina zomwe aliyense angachite kuti apange maubwenzi abwino. Izi ndi zomwe Kumar akupereka:

1. Khalani ndi nthawi yanu

Kodi kutenga nthawi yosiyana muubwenzi kumagwiradi ntchito? Kumar akuumirira kuti onse awiri azikhala ndi nthawi yawo ya 'ine' monga mwachizolowezi pa maubwenzi onse achikondi. Iye akupereka lingaliro loti kuchita chilichonse chokhudza inu nokha, chomwe chimaika chidwi chanu pa chisangalalo chanu, chingakhale chopambana kwambiri. Osati kwa inu nokha, komanso paubwenzi wanu. Chingakhale chaching'ono ngati kumvetsera nyimbo kapena chachikulu ngati kupita paulendo wopanda mnzanu.

Umu ndi momwe mumadzilamulira nokha osati kudalira mnzanu kuti mutsimikizire nthawi zonse. Kudzikonda komanso kukhala nokha kumathandizira kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino ndi mnzanuyo. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa makiyi obisika obisika a maubwenzi omwe anthu ambiri samawaganizira kapena kuwadziwa.

2. Lemekezani malire a wina ndi mnzake

Aliyense ali ndi malire omwe ayenera kulemekezedwa. Sizitanthauza kukondana popanda kugwirizana koma zimathandiza okwatirana kukhala ndi chikondi chakuya kwa wina ndi mnzake. Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya malire muubwenzi , ndipo onse awiri ayenera kuphunzira kukhala nawo ndikuwalemekeza.

• Mvetserani zofuna za wokondedwa wanu ndikufotokozera malire anu mwaulemu
• Kumar akuwonetsa kuti onse awiri ayenera kulemba mndandanda wa zomwe sangakambirane ndikuwerengera wina ndi mnzake.
• Ngati nonse simukugwirizana pa chinachake, pezani mfundo yapakati
• Wokondedwa wanu akasintha momwe akufotokozera malire anu, vomerezani kuyesetsa kwawo

Kukhazikitsa ndi kulemekeza malire a wina ndi mzake muubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zizoloŵezi zabwino zamaganizo zomwe banja liyenera kukhala nalo.

3. Ganizirani zilankhulo zachikondi za wina ndi mzake

Tinapempha Kumar kuti atithandize ndi njira yowonjezereka yomangira ubale wabwino. Iye anati, “Njira yabwino yochitira zimenezi ndi kuwerenga buku lakuti The 5 Love Languages ​​lolembedwa ndi Gary Chapman pamodzi. Taonani, kuyambira pachiyambi cha ubale, momwe mnzanu amasonyezera chikondi chake kwa inu, pogwiritsa ntchito mawu otsimikizira/kukhudza thupi/nthawi yabwino/kukupatsani chinachake/kukuchitirani chinachake kapena kukuthandizani ndi chinachake.” Malinga ndi Gary Chapman, pali mitundu 5 ya zilankhulo zachikondi . Kumvetsetsa zomwe zili zanu ndi zomwe zili za mnzanu kudzakuthandizani kukondana bwino.

4. Yesetsani kumvetsera mwachidwi

Kumvetsera n’kofunika mofanana ndi kulankhula muubwenzi. Yesetsani kumvetsera mwachidwi pomvetsera mnzanuyo, kumufunsa mafunso, ndi kusinkhasinkha zomwe mwamva kuti mumvetse momwe akumvera. Kunyalanyaza zopempha za wina ndi mnzake pakulankhulana kumatha kusokoneza ubale wanu. Malinga ndi Kumar, onse awiri akuyenera kuwunika ngati angathe kuyankhulana pamitu monga:

• Zogonana ndi ubwenzi wapamtima
• Kufuna malo anuanu
• Kulemekeza malire osagonja

Mwanjira iyi, mutha kuwonetsetsa kuti mnzanuyo akumva ndikumumva, ndipo inunso mumatero.

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5. Pangani malo ochuluka okhululuka ndi kukula

Pomaliza, palibe amene ali wangwiro; aliyense amalakwitsa ndipo maubwenzi abwino samapangidwa nthawi imodzi. Yesetsani kukhululukirana mwa kusiya kusungirana chakukhosi ndi kuthetsa mikangano pamodzi. Anthu amakonda kukumbutsidwa kuti amakukondani kwambiri, makamaka nthawi zovuta. Kukhala womasuka ku chikhululukiro kumatanthauza kukhala wokonzeka kuthetsa kusamvana kwanu, kukhala wokonzeka kupeza zomwe mungagwirizane nazo, ndi kuvomereza kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo musangalale.

Mwachidule, pali zinthu zambiri zomwe mungachite limodzi ndi mnzanu ngati gawo la kukhala ndi makhalidwe abwino muubwenzi. Maubwenzi onse achikondi amafuna ntchito koma okwatirana ayenera kuika patsogolo ntchito pa iwo okha komanso ubale wawo. Palibe manyazi kuvomereza ngati mphamvu zanu zikufuna chitsogozo kuti muthetse mavuto ndikuchira mwachangu. Kupeza thandizo kuchokera kwa katswiri kuti akonze ubale wanu ndi njira yabwino yothetsera malingaliro aliwonse ovuta omwe inu ndi mnzanu mwakhala mukukumana nawo. Gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito ku Bonobology lili ndi zida zokwanira zokutsogolerani.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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