9 Zizindikiro Zokongola Za Maubwenzi Achikondi

Kaya muli pachibwenzi, muubwenzi wodzipereka, kapena m'banja, pamabwera nthawi yomwe mumadabwa momwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mungatanthauzire maubwenzi okondana. Lero, tiwona zambiri zosakhwima zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wopambana komanso wachikondi.

Kupeza momwe mungapangire ndi kusunga ubale wabwino kumapitilira kutsimikizira mtendere wamalingaliro. Malinga ndi Dr Robert Waldinger (katswiri wazamisala komanso director of Phunziro la Harvard la Kukula Kwa Akuluakulu), maubwenzi abwino amathandizanso kwambiri pa thanzi lathu lonse ndi chimwemwe chathu. Ichi ndichifukwa chakenso kukhala ndi 'chizoloŵezi chachikondi' ngati mukukondana kwambiri kumatha kukudwalitsani.

Kupeza upangiri kuchokera kwa akatswiri okhudza maukwati, mabanja, ndi upangiri wa ubale ndi poyambira bwino. Choncho, tinagwirizana Shravya Kumar, mlangizi wochita za ubale. Iye amauza kuti inu simungakhoze nthawi zonse kudziwiratu mmene ubwenzi adzapita patsogolo, koma inu mukhoza ndithudi kuganizira zinthu zingapo kuona ngati iwo ali machesi zabwino kwa inu. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mudziwe malangizo ndi zidule zake za momwe mungakulitsire ndi kusunga maubwenzi achikondi.

9 Zizindikiro Zokongola Za Maubwenzi Achikondi

Kumar limati: “Ubwenzi wachikondi umakhala pamene anthu aŵiri amavomerezana ndi mtima wonse, ndi zolakwa zawo zonse, popanda kuweruzana, kulemekezana kotheratu, ndi chikondi chokha.”

Koma palibe ubale womwe uli wangwiro ndipo palibe cholakwika poyang'ana zizindikiro kuti mudzikumbutse momwe mnzanuyo akutanthauza kwa inu. Zina mwa zizindikiro zambiri za ubale wokongola komanso wachikondi weniweni ndi:

1. Kulemekezana ndi kulemekezana kosatha

Kukhala ndi kulemekezana kopanda malire ndi chizindikiro choyamba cha kukhala paubwenzi wabwino ndi wachikondi. Pasakhale chikaiko m'maganizo mwanu za ulemu wa mnzanu kwa inu.

Kagawo kochokera mwatsatanetsatane Yankho la Reddit imati: “Mumawalemekeza monga munthu. Pali zinthu zina zimene mumasirira nazo ndipo mumaona kuti ‘zolakwa’ zawo zina n’zosangalatsa ndipo n’zosachita kufunsa kuti pali zinthu zina zimene simuzikonda chifukwa chakuti ndi anthu ocholoŵana kwambiri ndipo mumawayamikira chifukwa cha mmene iwo alili.

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2. Kuyamikira ndi kuyamikira

Inu ndi mnzanuyo mumayamikira ndi kuthokoza wina ndi mzake, pozindikira zotsatira zabwino zomwe muli nazo pa moyo wa wina ndi mzake. Kusonyeza ndi kulandira machitidwe oyamikira ndi oyamikira omwe ali oona mtima nthawi zambiri ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za kukhala mu ubale wathanzi ndi wachikondi. A phunziro lofalitsidwa ndi University of North Carolina likutsimikizira izi. Pofotokoza mwachidule zomwe zapezedwa, “Kuyamikira kumalimbikitsa okwatirana kukhala ndi maunansi ofunika kwambiri.”

3. Kulekerera ndi kusinthasintha

Pamene okwatirana onse ali okonzeka kulolerana ndi kukhala osinthika kuti akwaniritse zosowa za wina ndi mzake, nthawi yayitali. ubale wabwino akhoza kupangidwa. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti anthu ayenera kuphwanya zolinga zawo za moyo kapena zomwe amakhulupilira. Kungolekerera pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri kumatanthauza kukhala wololera ndi moyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku.

Zimakhala zosavuta kugwirizana ngati maanja agwirizana kuti agwirizane ndi ndandanda yawo ndi kukwaniritsa zopempha za wina ndi mnzake. Kuganiziranso zosankha zanu ndikukhala ndi kusinthasintha kwa mnzanu ndi makiyi obisika a maubwenzi okondana.

4. Makhalidwe ndi zokonda zogawana

Ngati mumakopeka ndi wina pamene mukugawana kukambirana mozama, ndipo ngati mumayamikira zidziwitso zawo, ndiye kuti munthu woteroyo akhoza kukhala bwenzi lokhalitsa. Ngati nonse muli ndi makhalidwe, zokonda, ndi zikhulupiriro zofanana, zimathandiza kumanga maziko olimba a unansiwo. Zizolowezi zina za zitsanzo zaubwenzi wachikondi pomwe okwatirana amagawana zokonda zambiri, zokonda, ndi zomwe amakonda ndi:

• Ali ndi moyo wofanana
• Iwo akulera ana m’njira yoti makolo awo azigwirizana
• Kapena ali pa tsamba limodzi za kufuna kapena kusafuna kukhala ndi ana
• Zolinga zawo za ubale wautali zimagwirizana
• Amakhala ndi malingaliro ofanana/ofanana pazandale kapena pazandale

Kukhala ndi malingaliro ofanana pa ambiri, ngati si onse, mwa izi ndi chizindikiro chabwino chokhala patsamba limodzi muubwenzi wanu.

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5. Kuthetsa kusamvana

Kodi nonse inu ndi mnzanuyo mungathe kuthetsa mikangano mwaumoyo ndi mwaulemu, popanda kuchita zinthu zopweteka kapena zowononga? Kukhala opambana njira zothetsera mikangano ndi gawo lalikulu la kukulitsa ubale wachikondi, wokhalitsa ndi okondedwa wanu, ndikuchepetsa kupsinjika pakati pa nonse.

A Reddit wogwiritsa ntchito amagawana momwe kuthetsa mikangano muubwenzi wawo kumawathandiza kukhala omasuka kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo. Mayankho awo amati, "... zimapangitsa chilichonse kukhala bata ndipo palibe amene amakwiya, ndipo tonse timakhala ndi mwayi wokambirana momwe tikumvera."

6. Kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima

Kulankhulana ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse wabwino. Kumar anati: “Ubwenzi wabwino ndi wachikondi ungayambike kokha ngati okwatirana amalankhulana moona mtima, momasuka, ndi momvekera bwino, kwinaku akufotokoza malingaliro awo ndi malingaliro awo m’njira yabwino.” Amapereka malangizo angapo:

• Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu ndikumvetsera mwachidwi pamene mnzanuyo achita chimodzimodzi
• Kumvetsera momasuka komanso mopanda kuweruza ndi mbali yofunikira ya kulankhulana kwabwino
• Sungani mauthenga ena a digito kukhala ochepa mukakhala ndi okondedwa anu ndipo muwafunse kuti achite chimodzimodzi mukamakambirana zofunikira
• Pitilizani kuyang'anana maso ndikuyang'ana zokambiranazo mokoma mtima komanso mwachifundo kwa ena ofunikira. Pali chinthu ngati kukopana ndi maso; zimathandiza kwambiri kumanga ubale wabwino

7. Kukhulupirira ndi kuona mtima

Nazi zizindikiro za ubale wachikondi chenicheni:

• Pamene onse awiri akukhulupirirana ndi kukhala oona mtima kwa wina ndi mzake, ngakhale pa nthawi zovuta kapena zovuta
• Pamene akutulutsa kumverera kwachitetezo mkati mwanu
• Pamene chiwopsezo sichimamva ngati cholemetsa kapena kupsinjika ndi wokondedwa wanu
• Pamene simudandaula za maganizo anu kapena thupi lanu pamaso pa wokondedwa wanu
• Mukadziwa kuti mudzadziwidwa kuti ndinu okondedwa kwa mnzanu ngakhale ndi zovuta zanu

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8. Chikondi ndi ubwenzi

M'modzi mwa zizindikiro zoyambirira za ubale wabwino kukhala womasuka ndi ubwenzi. Izi sizimangokhudza kugonana, komanso PDA. Kumar akunena kuti momwe wina amakuwonerani kuti muli pachibwenzi sikuyenera kungokhala pakukwaniritsa zilakolako za kugonana. Ziyeneranso kugwirizana ndi momwe mnzanuyo amakuchitirani pamaso pa abwenzi ndi achibale awo.

Izi zikunenedwa, onse awiri ayenera kukhala ndi kukambirana za momwe alili omasuka ndi PDA komanso mpaka pati. Bwerani pa mgwirizano wa njira zowonetsera chikondi ndi ubwenzi womwe umakhala womasuka komanso wokwanira kwa onse awiri.

9. Thandizo ndi chilimbikitso

Onse awiri akuyenera kuthandizana ndi kulimbikitsana pa zolinga, maloto, ndi kukula kwa umunthu wawo. Kuonjezera chithandizo chamaganizo kwa munthu amene mumamukonda kumatanthauza kukhalapo pamasiku awo osangalatsa, masiku achisoni, ndi masiku apakati. Zizindikiro za chithandizo champhamvu chamalingaliro ndi chilimbikitso mu ubale wachikondi, maziko a chithandizo, akhoza kukhala:

• Kuvomerezana ndi kulemekezana maganizo
• Kupangitsa wina ndi mzake kumva kukondedwa
• Kutonthozana wina ndi mzake
• Kusonyeza chifundo kwa wokondedwa wanu

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Kumar anati: “N’zovuta kuneneratu ngati ubwenziwo udzakhala wosangalatsa komanso wachikondi kapena ayi, koma muyenera kuganizira zotsatirazi:

• Mumamasuka bwanji ndi iwo
• Momwe amakuchitirani pabedi
• Momwe amakuchitirani abwenzi awo ali pafupi
• Momwe mumalankhulirana mosavuta pa chilichonse ndi chilichonse
• Mmene mumalankhulira za kugonana, ubwenzi, ndi malire”

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Kupatula apo, pali njira zina zomwe aliyense angachite kuti apange maubwenzi abwino. Izi ndi zomwe Kumar akupereka:

1. Khalani ndi nthawi yanu

Kodi kupatukana ndi chibwenzi kumagwiradi ntchito? Kumar amaumirira kuti onse awiri azikhala ndi 'nthawi yanga' ngati lamulo pamaubwenzi onse achikondi. Akuganiza kuti kuchita chilichonse chongodzipangira nokha, chomwe chimayika chidwi chanu pa chimwemwe chanu, chikhoza kukhala chopambana. Osati kwa inu nokha, komanso ubale wanu. Zitha kukhala zazing'ono ngati kumvetsera nyimbo kapena zazikulu ngati kupita paulendo popanda mnzanu.

Umu ndi momwe mumadzilamulira nokha osati kudalira mnzanu kuti mutsimikizire nthawi zonse. Kudzikonda komanso kukhala nokha kumathandizira kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino ndi mnzanuyo. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa makiyi obisika obisika a maubwenzi omwe anthu ambiri samawaganizira kapena kuwadziwa.

2. Lemekezani malire a wina ndi mnzake

Aliyense ali ndi malire ofunikira kulemekezedwa. Sizitanthauza kukondana popanda kugwirizana koma kumathandiza okwatirana kukhala ndi chikondi chozama kwa wina ndi mzake. Pali zosiyana mitundu ya malire mu maubwenzi, ndipo onse awiri ayenera kuphunzira kukhala nawo ndi kuwalemekeza.

• Mvetserani zofuna za wokondedwa wanu ndikufotokozera malire anu mwaulemu
• Kumar akuwonetsa kuti onse awiri ayenera kulemba mndandanda wa zomwe sangakambirane ndikuwerengera wina ndi mnzake.
• Ngati nonse simukugwirizana pa chinachake, pezani mfundo yapakati
• Wokondedwa wanu akasintha momwe akufotokozera malire anu, vomerezani kuyesetsa kwawo

Kukhazikitsa ndi kulemekeza malire a wina ndi mzake muubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zizoloŵezi zabwino zamaganizo zomwe banja liyenera kukhala nalo.

3. Ganizirani zilankhulo zachikondi za wina ndi mzake

Tidapempha Kumar kuti atithandize mwatsatanetsatane njira yopangira ubale wabwino. Iye akufotokoza kuti, “Njira yabwino yochitira zimenezo ndiyo kuŵerengera pamodzi bukhu lakuti The 5 Love Languages ​​lolembedwa ndi Gary Chapman.” Zindikirani, kuyambira pachiyambi chaubwenzi, mmene mnzanuyo amasonyezera chikondi chake kwa inu, mwa kugwiritsa ntchito mawu otsimikizira/ kukhudza thupi/nthawi yabwino/ kukupatsani chinachake/kukuchitirani chinachake kapena kukuthandizani chinachake.” Malinga ndi Gary Chapman, alipo Mitundu 5 ya zilankhulo zachikondi. Kumvetsetsa zomwe zili zanu ndi za okondedwa wanu kudzakuthandizani kukondana bwino.

4. Yesetsani kumvetsera mwachidwi

Kumvetsera n’kofunika mofanana ndi kulankhula muubwenzi. Yesetsani kumvetsera mwachidwi pomvetsera mnzanuyo, kumufunsa mafunso, ndi kusinkhasinkha zomwe mwamva kuti mumvetse momwe akumvera. Kunyalanyaza zopempha za wina ndi mnzake pakulankhulana kumatha kusokoneza ubale wanu. Malinga ndi Kumar, onse awiri akuyenera kuwunika ngati angathe kuyankhulana pamitu monga:

• Zogonana ndi ubwenzi wapamtima
• Kufuna malo anuanu
• Kulemekeza malire osagonja

Mwanjira iyi, mutha kuwonetsetsa kuti mnzanuyo akumva ndikumumva, ndipo inunso mumatero.

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5. Pangani malo ochuluka okhululuka ndi kukula

Pomaliza, palibe amene ali wangwiro; aliyense amalakwitsa ndipo maubwenzi abwino samapangidwa nthawi imodzi. Yesetsani kukhululukirana mwa kusiya kusungirana chakukhosi ndi kuthetsa mikangano pamodzi. Anthu amakonda kukumbutsidwa kuti amakukondani kwambiri, makamaka nthawi zovuta. Kukhala womasuka ku chikhululukiro kumatanthauza kukhala wokonzeka kuthetsa kusamvana kwanu, kukhala wokonzeka kupeza zomwe mungagwirizane nazo, ndi kuvomereza kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo musangalale.

Mwachidule, pali zambiri zomwe mungachite limodzi ndi okondedwa wanu ngati gawo lokulitsa zizolowezi zabwino muubwenzi. Maubwenzi onse okondana amafunikira ntchito koma okwatirana ayenera kuika patsogolo ntchito zawo komanso ubale wawo. Palibe manyazi pakuvomera ngati mphamvu yanu ikufuna chitsogozo chothana ndi zovuta ndikuchira mwachangu. Kupeza thandizo kuchokera kwa akatswiri kuti muwongolere ubale wanu ndi njira yabwino yothetsera malingaliro omwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mwakhala mukukumana nawo. Bonobology gulu la akatswiri odziwa zambiri ali okonzeka kukutsogolerani.

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