Zizindikiro Zosagwirizana Mu Ubwenzi

Zizindikiro za kusagwirizana muubwenzi zikayamba kukwawa kapena kudziulula, zitha kuwoneka ngati kutha kwa ubale wanu kwayandikira. Mwadzidzidzi, madeti a ayisikilimu sakhalanso osangalatsa chifukwa munazindikira kuti nonse mulibe malingaliro adziko ofanana paufulu wa nyama. Kapena nonse awiri mwangobwera kumene limodzi ndipo mwaphunzira kuti muli ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana pa momwe mungayendetsere nyumba.

Zinthu zenizeni zimenezi zingayambitse mantha mkati mwanu ndikukupangitsani kukayikira ubalewu. "Kodi ndimakondadi munthu uyu?" "Kodi tidzakhala ndi tsogolo limodzi?" Awa ndi ena mwa mafunso omwe mungadzifunse mobwerezabwereza. Mmodzi mwa owerenga athu adakumana ndi mantha ofanana ndipo anabwera kwa ife ndi funso lofunika kwambiri lokhudza kusagwirizana muubwenzi. Katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi wodziwa bwino ntchito za moyo Deepak Kashyap (Masters in Psychology of Education), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana zaumoyo wamaganizo, kuphatikizapo LGBTQ ndi uphungu wachinsinsi, akupereka chidziwitso cha momwe angathanirane ndi vutoli.

Osagwirizana ndi Mamuna, Nditani?

Q. Ndili ndi zaka 31, ndipo ine ndi mwamuna wanga takhala m'banja kwa zaka 1.5 tsopano. Ngakhale kuti tikusangalala pamenepa, pali kusakhutira ndi mavuto ambiri omwe sitinathe kuthetsedwa pakati pa ife awiri, omwe amabuka milungu ingapo iliyonse. Zimenezi zimapangitsa kuti pakhale mikangano yambiri yomwe imatenga masiku atatu kapena anayi osalankhulana. Takambirana nkhani ya kusudzulana pakati pa mikangano yathu pafupifupi nthawi iliyonse, ngakhale kuti palibe amene anaipititsa patsogolo. Sitilankhula za miyoyo yathu limodzi - kaya ikukhudza ana, ndalama, kapena zolinga zathu. Sitigonana nthawi zambiri. Monga munthu payekha, timapambana m'miyoyo yathu koma m'banja mwathu, osati kwambiri.

Ndife osagwirizana wina ndi mzake. Pamodzi, ndife anthu awiri okha m'nyumba imodzi, okhala ndi masiku oipa kuposa abwino, ndipo sindikumvanso kuti ndikugwirizana naye. Ndikudziwa kuti timakondanabe, koma sindikudziwa momwe ndingadutse nkhani zonsezi. Kodi ndife osagwirizana kwenikweni ndipo talakwitsa ngakhale kukwatira poyambirira?

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Kuchokera kwa katswiri:

Sindidzatopa kubwereza kuti chikondi ndi chofunikira koma sichikwanira kulimbitsa ubale. Sichingakhale chilolezo chokhacho kuti mukhale pachibwenzi chomwe mukuganiza kuti sichinapangire inu. Komabe, chikondi chimatipatsa chisonkhezero chokwanira cha kuyesa chirichonse kukhoza ndi zolinga zathu zonse, tisanavomereze moyamikira kuti, “Ndife anthu abwino ndithu.

Kulankhulana kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kwa anthu ambiri pakakhala mikangano kapena mikangano yokhazikika paubwenzi . Mikangano yokhazikika nthawi zambiri imakhala chifukwa cha kusalankhulana bwino, pakati pa zinthu zina zazikulu. N'zovuta kuthetsa vutoli tokha. Maukwati ambiri amakumana ndi mavuto; komabe, munthu ayenera kudziwa "chigamba" kuchokera ku "njira." Ngati ubale ukuoneka kuti ukupita ku njira ya mikangano, kusalemekezana, ndi nkhanza zamaganizo, ndiye kuti tiyenera kuganizira ndikufunsa mafunso oyambira. Lembani mndandanda wa zinthu zomwe mukulimbana nazo, kenako ganizirani moona mtima momwe mwathandizira pa mikangano imeneyo.

Ndikubwereza, khalani owona mtima komanso khalani nokha. Konzani kutanthauzira kwina kwa zinthu zomwe zimakuvutitsani ndikusankha njira ina yoyankhira mawu ndi zochita mukamalankhula ndi mwamuna wanu. Mulimbikitseni kuchita chimodzimodzi. Ndikuzindikira kuti izi nzosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Chifukwa chake ndikupangira chithandizo cha maanja kuti muthane ndi zizindikiro zosagwirizana muubwenzi wanu. Zabwino zonse.

Zizindikiro Zakusemphana mu Ubwenzi

Ndikofunika kuzindikira ndikumvetsetsa zizindikiro zomwe simukugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo kuti muponde njira yochira. Pamene onse awiri achita zinthu mwaubwenzi, pangakhale mikangano yambiri. N’kwachibadwa kuti anthu aŵiri asagwirizane pa zinthu zonse koma zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti munthu sayenera kuzindikira zizindikirozo n’kuyamba kulimbana nazo.

Ngati inu nonse awiri mwakhala mukukangana kwambiri posachedwapa, simukukhalanso m'chipinda chimodzi, kapena mukukhala chete nthawi zonse , mwina mukudutsa mu nthawi yovutayi kapena izi zitha kukhala zizindikiro za kusagwirizana muubwenzi. Tsopano popeza tili ndi malingaliro a katswiri pankhaniyi, Bonobology ili pano kuti ikupatseni chidziwitso china pa vuto ili lomwe lingakhale lowononga ubale wanu. Nazi zizindikiro zazikulu za kusagwirizana muubwenzi.

1. Palibe maubwenzi apamtima

Kodi iye samamvetsa kapena kuyesa kumvera zonse zachikazi zomwe mumachita? Kapena kodi nthawi zambiri amachoka ndikutuluka mukakambirana zanzeru zomwe mudawerenga m'buku tsiku lina? Mwachiwonekere, inu nonse muli pamafunde osiyanasiyana ndipo simugawana zambiri zaubwenzi wanzeru. Ndibwino kuti tisakhale ndi chidwi ndi nkhani zonse zofanana koma ndi khama lomwe limafunikira.

Munthu ayesetse kuyesetsa kumvetsetsa, kumvetsera kwa winayo, ndi kuyesa zomwe akuyesera kunena. Ngati atembenuza maso awo kapena ayamba kuyendayenda pa foni yawo nthawi iliyonse mukabweretsa chinachake, inu nonse muli mu chiyanjano chosagwirizana.

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2. Mumaona ngati simungathe kukhala nawo pafupi

Mukuopa kuwauza kuti mukufuna kuwatenga paulendo wokasodza chifukwa mukudziwa kuti angakane. Kapena ngati mutawapempha kuti mupite nanu kukacheza ndi anzanu kuntchito, mukudziwa kuti adzadandaula za ulendo wonse wobwerera kunyumba. Chilichonse chomwe mukufuna kuchita kapena chomwe munganene chimayankhidwa ndi mawu akuti “Ayi, sindikufuna.”

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za zosemphana mu ubwenzi kuti sikuti adzakupangitsani kumva kukhala pambali, komanso inu kumverera ngati inu simungakhoze konse kukhala nokha pafupi nawo. Samakukondani kapena zokonda zanu nthawi zonse ndipo izi zitha kukuvutitsani kwambiri.

3. Nthabwala zanu sizimagwirizana

Kaya ndi mdima, wolumala, kapena momveka bwino momwe zingakhalire, nthawi iliyonse yomwe mukuyesera kukhala oseketsa ndi mnzanuyo, zimakhala ngati sakupezani. Nthawi zambiri nthabwala zanu zimayankhidwa ndi "Huh, chiyani?" chifukwa nthawi zonse amawoneka kuti akuphonya mfundo. Kuseketsa ndi kuseka ndi gawo lofunikira la ubale uliwonse wabwino ndipo popanda iwo, zinthu zimatha kuyamba kumva kukhumudwa posachedwa.

Ngati sakukuseketsani kapena nthawi zonse mumamva ngati simukuseka chinthu chimodzi pamodzi, zingamveke ngati ubale wanu suli bwino.

4. Kusowa mphamvu zabwino zogonana

Quickies pakati pa tsiku, kudziwa kutembenukira wina ndi mzake, kusewera ndi zoseweretsa zogonana zomwe nonse mumasangalala nazo, zonsezi ndi zinthu zomwe zingapangitse kugonana kukhala ntchito yosangalatsa kwambiri. Koma ngati mphamvu zanu zakugonana ndi vibe ndizosiyana kotheratu, palibe chodziwikiratu kuti ndikuuzeni kuti muli awiri muubwenzi wosagwirizana.

Ngati chilakolako chanu chogonana ndi njira zanu zosangalalirana zili zosiyana komanso zosagwirizana, ubale ukhoza kutha mofulumira kwambiri. Ndi anthu ochepa okha omwe angakhale pachibwenzi chopanda kugonana kwa nthawi yayitali. Choncho ngati kugonana kuli koipa, dziwani kuti ubale wanu ukuvutika kwambiri.

5. Maganizo anu pa moyo amasiyana

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti simukugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo ndi pamene maganizo anu pa moyo ndi osiyana kotheratu. Ngati iye ndi wosakhulupirira nthawi zonse ndipo muli ndi chiyembekezo, malingaliro anu apadziko lapansi sangakhale ndi mwayi wosintha. Kodi ubwenzi woterowo ungakhalepo kwa nthaŵi yaitali bwanji? Pokhapokha ngati munthu mmodzi ali wofunitsitsa kuona zinthu mmene mnzake amazionera, timakayikira kwambiri kuti zinthu zisintha posachedwa.

Zikuwonekeratu kuti nonse awiri mudzavutika kwambiri kugwirizana pa zinthu ndipo mukawona zinthu mosiyana, mudzalangizana kapena kuthandizana bwanji pamavuto?

Zizindikiro za kusagwirizana kumeneku sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kutuluka muubwenzi wanu nthawi yomweyo. Izi ndi zizindikiro chabe zomwe zimakuuzani kuti ndi nthawi yoti muganizirenso, muganizirenso ndipo mwina mulankhule ndi mnzanu za zomwe mungachite mosiyana. Yesani bwino ubwenziwu musanachite chilichonse koma musadzinyenge nokha. Kusagwirizana muubwenzi kungathe kuthetsedwa pakapita nthawi koma kutsuka zinthu pansi pa kapeti sikuthandiza.

Ibibazo

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