Kodi kusayankhulana kumagwira ntchito bwino muubwenzi? Nthawi zambiri pakhala pali mkangano wautali pakati pa ngati kuli bwino kusiya ndikupatula nthawi kwa okondedwa anu kapena ndikwabwino kukhazikika ndikukonza zinthu, ngati china chake chalakwika. Anthu osiyanasiyana apeza njira zosiyanasiyana zothanirana ndi maubwenzi awo ndikuphwanya malamulo omwe amawayendera bwino. Chifukwa chake palibe yankho lotsimikizika la zomwe zili bwino komanso nthawi yomweyo. Chofunikira pakuchita mwakachetechete ndikuti chimakhala ndi phindu lalikulu ngati chikugwiritsidwa ntchito moyenera. Zonse zimatengera nthawi yomwe imagwiritsidwa ntchito, momwe imagwiritsidwira ntchito komanso chifukwa chake imagwiritsidwa ntchito.
Radhika Sapru (dzina losinthidwa) adapeza ubwino wokhala chete muubwenzi wake ndi Rohit. Imeneyi ndi njira yokhayo yomwe akanatha kuthana ndi chibwenzi chake chopsa mtima chomwe chinali chamtengo wapatali pamtima, adamva. Koma Rohit atakwiya panalibe chifukwa choyesera kumuwonetsa mtundu uliwonse wa chifukwa. Kawirikawiri nthawi ngati zimenezo Radhika anasankha kukhala chete. Nthawi zina pa tsiku kapena pafoni, Rohit akawuluka, Radhika ankangotseka pakamwa kuti azizire kaye.
“Ndinazindikira kuti ngati nditayambanso kulankhula tikakhala mkangano waukulu ndipo mkhalidwewo unakula moipa,” anatero Radhika, n’kuwonjezera kuti, “Ndinazindikira mapindu a kukhala chete pochita ndi Rohit.
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Monga mukuonera, kukhala chete kungakhale kopindulitsa muzochitika zina, malinga ngati kukugwiritsidwa ntchito ngati njira yothetsera mikangano osati chida chowongolera. Ndiye yankho la 'Kodi kusayankhulana kumagwira ntchito?' ndi inde. Kuti mugwiritse ntchito njira yoyenera ndikusangalala ndi maubwino a psychology omwe amayambitsa kusalankhula, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa nthawi yogwiritsira ntchito chithandizo chachete komanso nthawi yayitali bwanji osayankhulana.
Kulankhulana chete kwa nthawi yayitali muubwenzi pomwe mnzanu salankhulana kwa masiku ambiri ndipo akuyang'ana munthu akamayesa kulankhulana kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Izi ndi zomwe timatcha kuti kusokonezana ndipo sikofunikira konse. Koma kulankhulana chete nthawi yomweyo mukafuna kuuza mnzanu kuti mwakhumudwa si chinthu choipa.
Ndi liti pamene ndiyenera kugwiritsa ntchito kusayankhulana muubwenzi kuti zitheke? Ili likhoza kukhala funso lomwe liri m'maganizo mwanu. Anthu ena amagwiritsa ntchito nthawi zonse kukhala chete ndipo izi zimakhudza kwambiri ubale wanu komanso okondedwa anu. Kusayankhulana m'banja nakonso kumakhala kofala kuposa momwe mukuganizira. Ngakhale zovuta, ngati muzigwiritsa ntchito kamodzi pakanthawi zitha kukhala zopindulitsa paubwenzi wanu.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Kusalankhulana Ndi Bwino Kuli Kothandiza?
Kukhala chete ndi nkhani yotsutsana, palibe kukana zimenezo. Kumbali ina, kukhala chete kwa nthaŵi yaitali kungachititse munthu kuchitiridwa nkhanza m’maganizo ndipo amati n’koopsa mofanana ndi kugwiriridwa kumene kumakhala ndi zotsatirapo za m’maganizo kwa nthaŵi yaitali, ndipo kumbali inayo, kumawonedwa ngati chida chothandiza kuthetsa mikangano. Ngakhale kuti kulankhulana ndiye chinsinsi chaubwenzi wokwaniritsira, nthawi zina kukhala chete kumafunikanso kuti mudutse ganizo.
Paul Schrodt, Pulofesa wa Kulankhulana adawunikanso maphunziro 74 a ubale ndipo zomwe adapeza mu kusanthula kwake mozama zidawonetsa kuti kuletsana chete kumatha kuwononga kwambiri ubale ndipo kumachepetsa malingaliro a ubwenzi ndikuchepetsa kuyanjana kwabwino, ikutero nkhaniyi.
Koma pali ubwino wina wa kuletsa kulankhulana mwakachetechete ngati kumagwiritsidwa ntchito mwanzeru, akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam . N’chiyani chimapangitsa kuti kuletsa kulankhulana mwakachetechete kukhale kothandiza kwambiri? Iye anati, “Kuletsa kulankhulana mwakachetechete kungathandize kubwezeretsanso maubwenzi omwe akhala athanzi, chifukwa kumalola onse awiri kulemba kusiyana kwawo ndi kuganizirana. Pamene kulankhulana kuli ndi malingaliro ambiri komanso mfundo zochepa mu maubwenzi abwino, kupatsana mpata kwa kanthawi kungathandize kubwezeretsa kulumikizanako ndikukhazikitsa njira yatsopano. Koma izi ndi zokhudza kupereka mpata osati kutseka mnzako. Zingathandize kubweretsa kulankhulana kogwira mtima ndipo ziyenera kugwiritsidwa ntchito mosamala, podziwa cholinga chake nthawi zonse.”
Kaŵirikaŵiri amanenedwa kuti kupatsa munthu kusalankhula kumalankhula zambiri za khalidwe lanu. Komabe, mawu omveka bwino angakhale akuti momwe mumaperekera munthu kusalankhulana amalankhula zambiri za umunthu wanu. Mukagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati njira yosonyezera kusakondwa, yesetsani kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe muli nazo, kuziziritsa mtima, kusalankhulana kwakanthawi kochepa kungakhale kothandiza.
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Poganizira kuti kuchita mwakachetechete kungakhale chida chothandiza pothetsa mikangano ndi kuthetsa mikangano, pokhapokha ngati itagwiritsidwa ntchito moyenera, mutha kudzifunsa kuti kusalankhulana kuyenera kukhala nthawi yayitali bwanji. Komanso ndi chifukwa chabwino. Kupeza yankho la funsoli ndikofunikira chifukwa nthawi yomwe simunalankhulepo kanthu ingakhale chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chomwe chimadziwika kuti chikugwiritsidwa ntchito kuthetsa kulephera kapena chida chankhanza.
Kulankhulana chete kudzakhala kothandiza kokha ndipo kokha ngati kungagwiritsidwe ntchito ngati njira yopezera malo okwanira oti onse awiri azitha kuthetsa malingaliro awo, kusonkhanitsa malingaliro awo ndikubwerezanso mfundo yokangana mozama. Kukagwiritsidwa ntchito kukakamiza wina kuti agonjere, kusiyana pakati pa kulankhulana chete ndi nkhanza zamaganizo kumatha kusokonekera mwachangu.
Monganso china chilichonse chokhudza malingaliro ndi maubale a anthu, ndizovuta kuyika nthawi yotsimikizika yanthawi yayitali bwanji kukhala chete osalankhula. Koma ngati nthawi zambiri mumadzifunsa kuti, “Kodi adzabweranso pambuyo pa kusayankhulana?” kapena “Kodi ndikumukankhira kutali pomupatsa mawu osalankhula?”, ndiye kuti nthawi zambiri izi zingakhale zothandiza:
- Musalole kuti itambasule: Kukhala chete kumakhala kothandiza pokhapokha okondedwa akugwirizananso mwamsanga ndikuyesera kuthetsa mavuto awo. Chifukwa chake, yankho limodzi lomveka bwino la nthawi yayitali bwanji kukhala chete ndikusalola kuti itambasule kwa masiku, masabata kapena miyezi. Ngati musiya kulankhulana ndi cholinga chofuna kuti mnzanuyo apereke ku chifuniro chanu kapena kupepesa, ndiye kuti mukulowa m'gawo lachinyengo lakukhala chete komanso kuzunzidwa.
- Dulani chete mu maola ochepa: Kodi kukhala chete kuyenera kukhala kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji? Yankho la funsoli limadaliranso mmene zinthu zilili pa moyo wanu komanso nkhani imene muli nayo. Ngati muli limodzi kunyumba ndipo mumakangana pazochitika zinazake, musalole kukanganako kuzizira kwa nthawi yayitali. Njira yabwino yogwiritsira ntchito chithandizo chamchete moyenera muzochitika izi ndikuthetsa pambuyo pa maola angapo
- Mukufuna nthawi yochulukirapo? Lumikizanani: Komabe, ngati inu ndi mnzanu mukulimbana ndi zovuta zina, ndiye kuti mmodzi kapena nonse mungafunike nthawi yochulukirapo kuti mumvetsetse momwe mukumvera ndikupeza momwe mungachepetsere mikanganoyo. Ngakhale zili choncho, nthawi yotalikirana komanso yodzipatula imatha kupangitsa mnzanuyo kukhala wosatetezeka. “Kodi abweranso atangokhala chete?” Sandilankhula. Kodi chibwenzi chatha? Kukayikira ngati zimenezi kungayambe kuwavutitsa maganizo. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukufuna nthawi yochulukirapo, fikirani mnzanuyo ndikumufotokozera izi, modekha, momveka bwino komanso popanda chifukwa kapena zoneneza.
- Factor patali: Poyesa kudziwa nthawi yomwe simukhala chete, mtunda wa pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chomwe muyenera kuganizira. Mwachitsanzo, ngati muli pachibwenzi chotalikirana, kukhala chete kwa nthawi yayitali kumatha kuvulaza kwambiri kuposa zabwino. Mofananamo, ngati nonse muli otanganidwa ndipo simutha kukhala limodzi, kukhala chete kwa nthawi yaitali kungapangitse kusiyana pakati panu. Zikatero, chithandizo chachete chidzakhala chothandiza pokhapokha ngati sichidutsa tsiku limodzi
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Kodi kusalankhula kumagwira ntchito? Kodi kukhala chete muubwenzi kungakhale koyenera? Zitha kugwira ntchito ndikulungamitsidwa ngati zibweretsa zabwino zonse ku ubale. Pali nthawi zina pomwe kukhala chete kumalankhula zambiri kuposa mawu. Ngati mnzanuyo ali wokonzeka kumvetsera ku chete uku, nonse mukhoza kupeza phindu la kukhala chete.
Amelia, dokotala wokhalamo, anapeza kuti mnzakeyo anali kugona ndi munthu wogwira ntchito m’ofesi yake. Kuchokera pakufuna kuphwanya zinthu mpaka kumudula mutu, Amelia anachita mwachibadwa chifukwa cha ukali, mkwiyo ndi kupweteka. Komabe, atalalatirana ndi chibwenzi chakecho, anazindikira kuti sizingawathandize.
"Ndinamuletsa kulankhula atachita zachinyengo chifukwa panthawiyo sindinkatha kumuyang'ana. Izi zinamupatsanso mpata ndi nthawi yoti adzifufuze, ndikuona kulakwitsa kwakukulu komwe adachita. Ngakhale kuti sizinali zophweka, tinatha kuchira ku kusakhulupirika ndikukhala limodzi ," akutero iye.
Monga momwe nkhani ya Amelia imatiuza, kusalankhulana kungakhale kopindulitsa paubwenzi. Koma kodi nchiyani chimene chimapangitsa kukhala chete kukhala kothandiza kwambiri? Tikulemba maubwino 8 awa akukhala chete kuti akuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zomwezo:
1. Kukhala chete kungathe kuthetsa kusamvana
Kulankhulana chete muukwati kumaonedwa kuti ndi njira yolangira mnzanu ndipo kumafanana ndi khalidwe lopanda nkhanza. Koma nthawi zina sizikhala zankhanza monga momwe zimayembekezeredwa. Pamene pali kupsinjika kwakukulu ndipo munthu m'modzi ali wokwiya kwambiri komanso wankhanza, ndiye kuti chete cha munthu winayo chingathandize kuthetsa kupsinjikako.
Anthu ambiri amati amangotuluka m’chipindamo n’kudzitsekera m’chipinda chogona n’kuuza mnzawoyo kuti azingocheza akakhala kuti ali bwino kuti akambirane. Izi zimathandiza kufalitsa nkhanza zomwe munthu wina akumva. Inde, kupereka munthu kukhala chete kumalankhula zambiri za khalidwe lanu, koma osati nthawi zonse molakwika. Zimasonyezanso kuti ndinu munthu wopirira komanso wodziletsa.
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2. Mutha kumumvetsetsa bwino wokondedwa wanu
Anthu omwe amagwiritsa ntchito njira yoletsa mnzawo kukhala chete amatha kukhala chete kwa masiku ambiri, kumanga khoma lozungulira iwo ndikuchita zinthu zoti mnzawoyo kulibe. Izi ndi zoopsa kwambiri paubwenzi. Ngati mukudabwa kuti “kodi kukhala chete kumavulaza mwamuna?” kapena “kodi kukhala chete kumapangitsa mkazi kukutsatirani?”, ndiye kuti mukuchita izi pazifukwa zolakwika. Palibe chiyembekezo choti njira yoletsa mnzawo kukhala chete idzakhala yothandiza pankhaniyi.
Koma ngati mnzanu akukhala chete mutabwera kunyumba mochedwa kwambiri pambuyo pa phwando la ofesi kapena kuiwala tsiku lobadwa la mnzanuyo, ndiye kuti ndi njira yawo yowonetsera kuti akumva kupweteka. Mwina kupepesa kapena kukumbatirana ndi chimbalangondo kukhoza kuwabweretsa. Nthawi zina kukhala chete kumakuphunzitsani zambiri za momwe wokondedwa wanu akumvera kusiyana ndi kukuwa ndi kukuwa ndipo amakuuzani kuti akhumudwa.
Uwu ndiye phindu lalikulu la chithandizo chachete. Mumamvetsetsa bwino mnzanuyo. Reema akuti akayamba kumenyana ndi chibwenzi chake pa foni amangodzikhululukira ndikudula koma nthawi zambiri amamuimbiranso pasanathe theka la ola ndipo amapepesa ngati walakwa. Amayimbanso pasanathe mphindi 10 pafupipafupi, kunena komwe walakwa. Kukhala chete kumatithandiza nthawi zonse.
3. Khalani chete ndikukhala chete
Munthu wodzikonda amagwiritsa ntchito njira yonyoza munthu amene akumuvutitsa . Iyi ndi njira imodzi yomwe amakonda kwambiri yonyoza munthu. Koma ngati mukugwiritsa ntchito njira yonyoza munthu amene akukuvutitsani, ndiye kuti njira yonyoza munthu amene akumuvutitsayo ndi yothandiza kwa inu.
M'malo modandaula chifukwa chomwe mnzanuyo ali chete ndikukuvutitsani maganizo pazomwe mukanachita kuti muwakakamize kukhala ndi khalidwe lotere, mukhoza kunyalanyaza. Mutha kudabwa kuti kukhala chete kwanu ndikwamphamvu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe amachigwiritsa ntchito ngati chida chankhanza. Chabwino, chifukwa chakuti mwa kukhala chete, mukuwapatsa mlingo wa mankhwala awoawo.
Nthawi iliyonse munthu wa narcissist akugwiritsa ntchito chete pa inu, gwiritsaninso ntchito pa iwo. Ndipo onani zotsatira. Zimawatopetsa ndipo amafuna kutsegula zokambirana. Ndipo ngati mukufuna kuthetsa chiyanjano, ndiye ingogwiritsani ntchito mwakachetechete ngati mwayi wopita patsogolo.
4. Chifukwa chiyani kusayankhulana kumagwira ntchito ndi munthu wakale? Zimakuthandizani inu nonse kukonza malingaliro anu
Nthawi zina mukakhala chete, makamaka ndi wakale yemwe muli ndi mbiri yowawa, zimakuthandizani kuti musinthe malingaliro anu. M’malo moimba mlandu wakale wanuyo kuti wakukhumudwitsani, mungathe kudzifunsa kuti n’chifukwa chiyani zochita zawozo zikukwiyitsani. Kukambitsirana sikuthandiza muzochitika zilizonse koma kusalankhula pawekha kumatha kukhala ndi zotsatira zabwino.
Chithandizo chachete chidzakhala chothandiza ngati mukuchigwiritsa ntchito popatula nthawi kwa okondedwa anu ndikuyesera kuyang'ana mkati mwanu. Anthu ambiri amazindikira zolakwa zomwe akuchita mwanjira imeneyi. Sasha ndi chibwenzi chake chakale sanalankhule kwa sabata yathunthu atasiyana.
Koma mlungu umenewo tinayambanso kuona zinthu zabwino zokhudza ifeyo ndipo tinazindikira kuti sitinakhwime kwambiri. Ndicho chinthu chogwiritsa ntchito mphamvu ya chete mnjira yoyenera; simudzasiyidwa mukudabwa kuti, “Kodi abweranso atangokhala chete?” ngati mumasewera makadi anu moyenera, ndiye kuti zinthu zitha kukuyenderani bwino.
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5. Kodi kukhala chete kumagwira ntchito pa maubwenzi akutali?
Ena amakhulupirira kuti muubwenzi wautali, kuletsa kulankhulana mopanda kukayikira kumawononga kwambiri thanzi la maganizo la okondedwa, koma malinga ndi ine, kungakhale ndi zotsatira zabwino ngati zitagwiritsidwa ntchito kwa nthawi yochepa. Mawu opweteka komanso ndewu zokwiya chifukwa cha Skype zitha kukhala zoyipa kuposa kuletsa kulankhulana mopanda kukayikira muubwenzi wautali.
"Tinakulitsa malingaliro achibadwa kotero kuti kupyolera mu uthenga umodzi timadziwa kuti pali chinachake cholakwika kumbali ina." Kupereka kwakufa kukanakhala mayankho a monosyllabic pa lemba, kuchitira mwakachetechete maubwenzi akutali ndinganene.
6. Kukhala chete kungakhale yankho labwino ku ndemanga zopweteka
Kodi kukhala chete kumagwira ntchito kwa anyamata? Nanga n’cifukwa ciani kukhala chete n’komphamvu ndi mwamuna? Mafunsowa atha kukusokonezani ngati mukuona kuti kukhala chete ndikothandiza kwambiri kuposa kulankhulana pothetsa nkhani zina. Chabwino, kuchita bwino kwakukhala chete sikungotengera jenda. Itha kugwira ntchito kwa aliyense koma kuchuluka kwa mankhwalawa kuyenera kusamalidwa bwino.
Nthawi zina kunena zinthu zopweteka kungawononge ubale kuposa kulankhula chete. Chifukwa mawu akangonenedwa sangabwezeretsedwe. Choncho zinthu zopweteka zomwe zikunenedwazo zitha kukhala zoopsa kwambiri. Koma ngati muyankha mawu opweteka chete, zidzakuthandizani kusiya kusonkhana. Kaya mwakwiya bwanji ngati mwasankha kusabwezera ndi mawu opweteka, palibe amene angakukakamizeni. Kubwezera chete ndi lingaliro labwino pazochitika ngati izi.
7. Kukhala chete kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa maganizo oipa
Psychology yomwe imayambitsa kusalankhulana ndikuti imakupatsani mwayi wowongolera malingaliro anu m'njira yabwino kwambiri. Ngati mukumva kukhumudwa ndi munthu wina m'malo momubweza kapena kunena zotsutsa, mumagwiritsa ntchito kukhala chete kuti muganizire zinthu zabwino. Ngakhale okondedwa anu angayese kukuyamwani kuti musamachite zinthu zoipa, mutha kuyang'ana kwambiri zinthu zabwino ngati mutakhala chete. Izi zikhala bwino paumoyo wanu wamaganizidwe ndipo mudzapindula ndi chithandizo chachete.
Pali anthu omwe amakhala chete akakhala pamalo oipa ndipo amadzitengera okha m'maganizo kupita kumalo abata monga udzu kapena gombe ndi kuthana ndi malingaliro awo oipa moyenera. Nthawi zina mtundu uwu wa kusakhala chete umagwiritsidwa ntchito ndi ana omwe akupulumuka kuleredwa ndi poizoni.
8. Fikirani kugwirizana mwakukhala chete
N'chifukwa chiyani kulankhula mwakachetechete kuli kothandiza kwambiri? Chifukwa zimakuthandizani kuti mugwirizane nthawi zambiri. Ngati munthu m'modzi angokhala chete ndikusiya mkangano, izi sizimangothandiza kuthetsa mikangano yokwiya, zimathandizanso kutsegula zokambirana ndikufikira kumvana.
Pamene mnzanu akufuna kuthetsa vutolo muyenera kuchoka pachete ndikuyamba kukambirana za nkhaniyi. Ngati simutero, ndiye kuti kukhala chete kwanu kudzakhala kwachipongwe.
Kusalankhula m’banja kapena m’chibwenzi kuli ndi ubwino wake ngati kukugwiritsidwa ntchito m’njira yoyenera. Koma onetsetsani kuti kukhala chete sikutalikitsa ndiye kuti kuwononga ubalewo. Koma ubwino wokhala chete ndi wochuluka ndipo tsopano mukudziwa momwe mungathandizire phindu lake.
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Momwe mungaperekere chete muubwenzi?
Chinsinsi cha kupereka mwakachetechete mu ubale ndikuwongolera ndi kulinganiza bwino. Pamene mukufuna kusokoneza ndi kulola malingaliro oipa kutha, inunso simukufuna kuvulaza mnzanuyo m'njira yosasinthika.
Kusayankhulana sinkhondo yongofuna kudzikuza koma ndi njira yothetsera mikangano. Muyenera kugwiritsa ntchito njirayi moyenera kuti zisawononge zambiri kuposa zabwino. Kupatukana sikuli koyipa nthawi zonse ngati muli ndi malire oyenera ndi zifukwa zake.
Kuchita mwakachetechete kumatha kugwira ntchito modabwitsa muubwenzi koma chosangalatsa kumatha kuthetsa kusamvana ndi ma exes nawonso. Chifukwa chiyani kusalankhulana kumagwira ntchito ndi munthu wakale ndi zomwe mwina mukuganiza. Pamene wina wangotha kumene, pamakhala nkhanza ndi zolakwa zimene zimakankhidwirana wina ndi mnzake popanda kulingaliranso.
Chifukwa chake kuletsa kulankhulana ndi munthu wakale n’chakuti kumapatsa onse awiri nthawi yoti aganizire za zotsatira za chisankho chawo. Lamulo loti musalankhulane mutatha kusudzulana lingathandize kwambiri. Munthu akatha kusiya ndikuwona nkhaniyi bwino, amatha kuithetsa bwino ndipo amatha kuithetsa.
Ibibazo
Kusalankhula ndi poterera. Ngati kugwiritsidwa ntchito pa nthawi yoyenera m'njira yoyenera, kumatha kuthetsa mavuto anu ambiri ndi mnzanuyo. Komabe, ngati yatalika kwambiri, imatha kukhala yaukali komanso yaudani yomwe siidzatha bwino.
Ngati wina walakwitsa, kusayankhulana kumamuthandiza kuti abwerere m'mbuyo ndikukonza zomwe zikuchitika. Kumawapatsa nthawi yoti aganizire ndi kuganizira zimene achita. Zambiri zimadutsa m'mutu mwa munthu panthawiyi.
Kwa nthawi ndithu, zikhoza kuwoneka choncho. Komabe, amene akulandira chithandizocho angazindikire kuti nthaŵi yopuma imeneyi n’njofunika ndipo n’njothandizadi. Samalani ndi amene mumagwiritsa ntchito mawu osalankhula chifukwa si aliyense amene angamvetse.
Ma Couples Therapist Amalankhula Za Ubwino Ndi Zoyipa Za Maubwenzi Otseguka
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
