15 Amafulegi Abomvu Kwabesifazane Akufanele Ungalokothi Uzinabe

Umthelela onamakhanda, othokozisayo wothando olusafufusa uvamise ukusenza sibheke ukwedlula umehluko phakathi kwethu nomuntu esingaba umaqondana. Izibuko ezinemibala e-rose ozifakayo zenza isibhakabhaka sibukeke sisihle kakhulu futhi yonke into ibonakale ihamba kahle. Kodwa-ke, lapho ungazinaki izimpawu ezibomvu kowesifazane, inkinga iphakamisa ikhanda layo elibi lapho ukuthatheka kuqala ukuguga. Futhi uma ubona izinto ngendlela eziyiyo, kungenzeka ukuthi usujule kakhulu.

Yingakho kubalulekile ukubona amafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni nowesifazane, naphezu kokuthi ungase ufune ukukholelwa ukuthi yonke into iphelele ngokujabulisayo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uma usheshe ubone izinkinga ezingase zibe khona, ungashesha ukwazi ukuthi ungazisingatha kanjani.

Njengoba ungeyena umfundi wengqondo, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi unake indlela umuntu aziphatha ngayo, inkulumo yakhe nezenzo zakhe ukuze uhlole ukuthi ukuba khona kwakhe empilweni yakho kuyakulimaza yini kunokuhle. Ukuze sifinyelele lokho, ake sizame ukuqonda amafulege amakhulu abomvu entombazaneni okumelwe neze ungawanaki

15 Amafulegi Abomvu Kwabesifazane Akufanele Ungalokothi Uzinabe

Amafulegi abomvu kowesifazane noma owesilisa ayafana. Umhlukumezi uhlala ebonisa izici ezifanayo, ngokunganaki ubulili. Noma kunjalo, ukwazi ukuthi ziyini kungakusiza wenze isiqiniseko sokuthi yini otshuza kuyo kuqala akuyona into enobuthi. Insizwa engangiye ngeluleka eminyakeni ethile edlule yahlukumezeka kakhulu ngokomzwelo ngoba yayingakwazi ukubona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ekuziphatheni komlingani wayo kusenesikhathi.

Lapho ubudlelwano babo buqala, uKevin wabheka ngale kwendlela uSamantha ayengadelela ngayo futhi ambize ngamagama njalo lapho bengena kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lwempikiswano. Lokho ayekucabanga ukuthi isimo "esishisayo" kwavela ukuthi kwakuwukuntuleka kwenhlonipho okusobala ebudlelwaneni . Ngawo wonke amazwi okugcona kanye nokukhala konke okuhlambalazayo, uKevin wezwa umgodi ayezimbele wona ujula. Lapho eqaphela ukuthi wayesaba ukukhuluma noSamantha nsuku zonke, wayazi ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuyiqeda.

Ayini amafulegi abomvu entombini? Ukwazi impendulo yalo mbuzo umehluko phakathi kwesimo esifana nesikaKevin noma ukuqonda ukuthi yini okudingeka usebenzele kukho (noma uhambe) kusenesikhathi ebudlelwaneni, okungcono uma niqala nje ukuthandana. Ake sibheke ukuthi yini okufanele uyibheke:

1. Bakuhlukumeza ngokukubiza ngamagama

Bengiluleka lo mbhangqwana owawuqale ukuthandana ngesikhathi sokuvalwa kwe-COVID. Babengakaze babonane futhi baqala ubuhlobo ngocingo. Bahlukana ngemva kwesikhashana ngoba wayeseqala ukumbiza ngamagama, emtshela ukuthi uyisiphukuphuku, futhi emphatha kabi. Yize bezama ukubuyisana kodwa ubudlelwano babo sebusematsheni.

Lezi zinto zingase zingaphakamisi izimpawu ezibomvu, njengoba abangani bavame ukuhlanganyela ekuhlekeni okunjalo. Kodwa uma kuwubudlelwano bothando, ikakhulukazi ezimweni ezinjengalezi lapho umbhangqwana ungakahlangani khona, kunesidingo sokuqapha indlela bobabili abalingani abakhuluma ngayo. Uma uthandana nomuntu futhi engakuphathanga kahle, lokho kungenye yezimpawu ezinkulu ezibomvu ebudlelwaneni nowesifazane okudingeka umqaphele.

Lapho udelelwa futhi wenziwa uzizwe uyisiphukuphuku ngephutha, kungase kuqede ukuzethemba kwakho. Ukuziphatha okunjalo okunobuthi kungakhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi kukushiye ugcwele ukungabaza. Ubungeke ufune ukuthi umthombo walokho kube umuntu omthanda kakhulu, akunjalo?

2. Balindele lukhulu kuwena

Enye yezimpawu ezibomvu ezivamile kowesifazane ukuthi ulindele inkosana yakhe ebukekayo ukuthi imsuse ezinyaweni zakhe futhi 'amkhulule' kuzo zonke izinkinga zakhe. Lolo hlobo lwe-princess syndrome luholela ekuziphatheni okuswele, amanye amadoda angawela kuwo kalula, acabange ukuthi isenzo sothando, engazi ukuthi empeleni kuwuphawu oluyisixwayiso.

Lokho labo besilisa abangakuqapheli ukuthi leyo yindlela yeminyaka engu-50 abasanda kuyibhalisela. Impela, iyamangalisa ngokuzikhukhumeza kwamadoda amaningi ngoba ivusa umuzwa weqhawe kubo. Kumadoda anjalo, ngineseluleko esisodwa kuphela: udinga ukuqonda ukuthi udinga umuntu ozimele empilweni yakho. Umuntu oxhomeke kuwe uzokudonsa phansi. Uma umlingani wakho enohlu olude lwalokho akulindele kumlingani wakhe, okuwukuphela kwento ongayilindela ngokubuya ukungavumelani.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 7 Amafulegi Abomvu Okuthandana Okungafanele Uwanake Uma Usebudlelwaneni Nendoda

3. Bakwenza ungabaze iqiniso lakho ngokukukhanyisa ngegesi

Ukungalaleli ebudlelwaneni yilapho umlingani wakho eqeda imizwa yakho ngokusho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Akukhona lokho okwenzekile”, “Usabela ngokweqile”, noma “Uyahlanya ukucabanga ngale ndlela, udinga usizo”, okwenza ungabaze. Uma lokhu kwenzeka ngokuphindaphindiwe ebudlelwaneni obude, obungathi sína, kungasho inhlekelele ekuzethembeni nasekuzizweni komuntu ohlukunyeziwe.

Enye yezimpawu ezibomvu ezicacile kowesifazane owonakele ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo okufana nalokhu. Futhi ingelinye lalawo mafulegi abomvu okuphola angaqondakali okungenzeka angabonakali kahle ekuqaleni kobudlelwano. Lolu hlangothi olubi lozakwenu lungazenza lubonakale kuphela uma usuvele utshale isikhathi esithile ku-dynamic.

Yilokho kanye okwenza lokhu kube yingozi kakhulu. Ngokufisa ukulawula wena, ukulimaza ukuzethemba kwakho ngokukuhlasela, ngokukuhlukanisa, noma kukukhubekise, ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuvame ukudala umonakalo kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo kanye nempilo yengqondo yomuntu ohlukunyeziwe.

4. Abakwazi ukuyeka ukukhuluma nge-ex yabo

Uma benza kubonakale sengathi konke kwakuyiphutha lowayengumlingani futhi babeyingane engenacala kulolo budlelwano, udinga ukuqaphela. Ukuqhathanisa abantu ababengumlingani, ikakhulukazi nomuntu abanaye njengamanje, kungenye yezimpawu ezinkulu kowesifazane. Manje, ngezinye izikhathi ukusho umuntu owayethandana naye kuyinto evamile. Kulungile uma besho igama lowayengumlingani ngesikhathi bekutshela ukuthi ubani owabafaka kulolo hlelo abaluthandayo.

Kodwa-ke, uma kubonakala sengathi bazama ukulwa icala ngokumelene nowake waba ngumngani wakho njengejaji, kungasho ukuthi basele nokuphulukiswa kokuhlukana . Kungenye yezimpawu ezibomvu zobudlelwano lapho kubonakala sengathi bathola izaba zokuveza umlingani wangaphambilini bese beqhathanisa nawe.

5. Ukwenza njengesisulu

Umuzwa wokuba isisulu nawo uwuphawu oluyisixwayiso lokuthi owesifazane onaye unobuthi. Konke kuphambene naye futhi wonke umuntu uzimisele ukumthatha. Ingilazi ihlale ingenalutho futhi kungenzeka ukuthi kukhona oyidlisa ushevu njengoba kuhlale kuyisisulu. Uzohlala eqokomisa izici ezingezinhle zawo wonke umuntu oseduze kwakhe, futhi umbono wakhe ongenathemba ngempilo uzomenza angabaze amandla obudlelwano bakho naye. 

Yiziphi izimpawu ezibomvu entombini? Uma ithola indlela yokuziveza njengesisulu kuzo zonke izimo, kuyinkomba yokuthi ingase ibe ngowesifazane ongazethembi . Kungenzeka ukuthi ithatha yonke imizamo yokuhlekisa njengokuhlasela komuntu siqu, futhi ihlolisisa konke okushoyo ngoba ukungazethembi kwayo kuyenza ingakwazi ukukwethemba. Ungawashayi indiva lawa maphethini okuziphatha ngoba aphakathi kwezizimpawu ezinkulu ezibomvu kowesifazane.

6. Ukungamukeli ubudlelwano bomlingani nabangani kanye nomndeni 

Kuwo wonke amafulegi abomvu ebudlelwaneni nowesifazane, leli likhomba inkitha yezinkinga ezifana nemvelo elawulayo, ukuziphatha okunomona, noma isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile. Uma enomuzwa wokuthi udinga ukuba phambili ekuphileni kwakho ngaso sonke isikhathi, kungenzeka ukuthi ucindezela ukuzimela komlingani wakhe. 

Uma ehlala ezizwa esongelwa abangane bakho abakhulu, osebenza nabo, noma ngisho nabazali, udinga ukuhlola ukuthi hlobo luni lobuhlobo ongakha naye. Kungelinye lamafulegi amakhulu abomvu entombazaneni futhi libonisa izinkinga ezinkulu eziwumsuka.

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7. Konke kuhlezi kumayelana nabo, futhi abanalo uzwelo

Cabanga ngesimo lapho okushiwo wumlingani wakho kuwe kukwenze uzizwe ungahlonishwa futhi uphatheke kabi. Mhlawumbe kwakuwukuhlasela okubi kokungazethembi kwakho noma amazwi alulazayo. Uma ubatshela ukuthi abakushilo kukuzwise ubuhlungu kanjani, abakwazi/abafuni nhlobo ukuzwelana nawe futhi bakuphendule kabili kulokho abakushilo. Ungamangali uma uzwa ukuthi, “Yeka ukusabela ngokweqile, wenza into enkulu ngokungenzi lutho.” (Uyakhumbula ukukhanya kwegesi?)

Ukungakwazi ukusho nje ukuthi, “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, yize ngingavumelani nakho”, kusho ukuntuleka kozwela okusobala nokukhathazayo. Uzwela akusho ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwamukela umbono wabo. Isibonelo, ngangineklayenti elalihlala likhathazekile ngokuthi umkakhe wayethandana naye ngokocansi, ngisho nangesikhathi sokuvalelwa endlini, lapho babechitha khona ihora ngalinye losuku efulethini elifanayo.

Nakuba ukungabaza nokungazethembi kwakhe kwakubonakala kungenangqondo kuye, wakwazi ukuthi, “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi lokhu kudideka kuvelaphi nokuthi kungani ungase uzizwe ngale ndlela. Kodwa angicabangi ukuthi indlela yakho yokucabanga ifanelekile.” Nakuba leli zinga lozwela lingase libe yivelakancane ukulithola, ukuntuleka kwalo ngokuphelele kuyifulegi elibomvu elibenyezelayo.”

8. Abanawo umqondo wokuthi bangalungiswa kanjani noma iyiphi ingxabano

Leli ifulegi elibomvu ebuhlotsheni nowesifazane okuthinta indlela osebenza ngayo ezinkingeni zakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Isibonelo, uma umbono wabo wokuxazulula ukungqubuzana uwukukwenza ukhohlwe, ukholelwa ukuthi kuzoba nokucasuka okukhulayo ebudlelwaneni okuzogcina sehlise yonke into. Ngibe neclient elavusa umyeni walo phakathi kwamabili lishaya isicabha lithi akakhulume nalo ngalento emphethe kabi.

Ukuzama ukuxazulula ingxabano ngokumemeza umlingani wakho ngo-4 ekuseni, vele, akuyona indlela ephumelela kakhulu yokuxazulula inkinga. Yiqiniso, lokhu akuyona nje enye yezimpawu ezibomvu kowesifazane, kuhamba zinhlangothi zombili. I-ajenda eyisisekelo ukuthi umlingani oyedwa asebenzise indlela "eyami noma enkulu" yokuxazulula izingxabano , engenzi lutho oluwusizo kunoma ubani.

9. Banobudlelwane obunobuthi, obungasebenzi kahle nomndeni wabo

Ayini amafulegi abomvu entombini? Uma uphendula lowo mbuzo, cishe uzocabanga nje ngendlela akuphatha ngayo futhi ungacabangi uhlobo lobuhlobo bakhe nabazali bakhe. Uma ihlezi ilwa noyise, owesilisa wokuqala empilweni yakhe, lelo phethini lizoziphinda. Kumele futhi uhlaziye ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano bakhe nomndeni bungenampilo. Ingabe abazali bangabantu abanomusa kodwa yena usathola indlela yokuxabana nokulwa nokungazethembi? Ezimeni ezinjalo uyazi ukuthi akubona abazali, nguyena.

Lapho enobudlelwane obungenampilo nabanakekeli abayinhloko, buye buvuse amathemba esikhulume ngawo, i-princess syndrome, lapho owesifazane angase alindele umlingani wakhe 'ukumhlenga'. Lobu budlelwano obubomvu bungase bungabonakali kusenesikhathi, njengoba cishe ngeke wazi yonke into mayelana nezinguquko zomndeni womlingani wakho zisuka nje. Kodwa uma usuthole isithombe esicacile, kubalulekile ukubheka ukuthi kwenzekani.

10. Banamathela kakhulu futhi bancike kuwe  

Elinye lamafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni nowesifazane noma ngisho nendoda engiyibona kaningi iwukuziphatha okuncike kakhulu ekuziphatheni kanye nephethini yokugxuma usuka kobunye ubuhlobo uye kobunye. Abazazi ukuthi bangobani ngaphandle kobudlelwane, okuvame ukusho ukuziphatha okuswele nokunamathelayo. 

Ukudinga ubuhlobo ukuze uzizwe ujwayelekile kungenye yezimpawu ezibomvu zowesifazane olimele. Uzovame ukuthola ukuthi bahlushwa ukucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana , okunciphisa kuphela uma sebesebudlelwaneni obusha. Ukuziphatha okunjalo kubonisa ukuthi bayawazisa kakhulu umbono wobuhlobo kunomuntu abanaye, futhi ngeke bakhathazeke ngokungena komunye umuntu uma isimo samanje singase sihambe siye eningizimu.

11. Ubudlelwano bukwenza uzizwe ukhathele emoyeni

Ukushiswa ubudlelwano akwenzeki ngempela ezigabeni zokuqala kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izimpawu ziyavela. Uma uhlaselwa njalo kuze kube yilapho uzizwa sengathi uhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda ngaso sonke isikhathi, noma uma uzizwa sengathi uhlala uqaphile, kungokwemvelo ukuthi ubuhlobo buzokushiya uzizwa ukhathele ngokomzwelo.

Nasi isivivinyo se-litmus esilula sokuhlola ukuthi ingabe usebudlelwaneni nomuntu ongakufanelanga: Ingabe ungumuntu ongathanda ukuba umngane naye? Uma kungenjalo, kusho ukuthi ifulegi elibomvu lobudlelwano elibonisa ukuthi isistimu yakho yenani ayihambisani neyabo futhi awuhambisani nayo. 

12. Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo abenqabayo ukusebenza kuzo

Sonke sinezinkinga nezinselele okufanele sizinqobe, futhi ukuthi nje othile utholakale enesifo sengqondo akusho ukuthi akafanelekeli uthando lwakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho. Noma kunjalo, akumangazi ukuthi ubuhlobo nomuntu obhekene nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo abuhlali buhamba kahle, futhi bungachuma kuphela uma bobabili abalingani besebenza kanzima kukho.

Lapho umlingani onezinkinga ezinjalo enqaba ukuzisebenzela yena noma ukuthuthukisa ubuhlobo, kungase kube yikho okubangela ukuthi buntengantenge. Yiqiniso, kulungile ukuba nezinkinga ezinjalo. Okubalulekile ukuthi ungakanani umthwalo umuntu angakwazi ukuwuthatha ngezenzo zakhe futhi angasebenzisi ukugula kwakhe njengendlela yokuzivikela. Bangakwazi yini ukusebenzela ukulawula izimpawu zabo futhi bakwenze kucace ukuthi benza konke abangakwenza ukuze bazisebenzele ngokwabo namandla obudlelwano? 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuqaphela Amafulegi Abomvu Obudlelwano – Uchwepheshe Uyakutshela

13. Alukho uphawu lokubuyelana 

Ingabe kuzwakala sengathi unikela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni kunomunye umuntu? Yiqiniso, akusoze kwaba khona 50-50 ukunikeza futhi uthathe, kodwa uma ucabanga awukwazi ukubala umlingani wakho ukukusiza out esimeni esiphuthumayo, lokho omunye amafulege abomvu ebuhlotsheni nowesifazane.

Ukubuyisana ebudlelwaneni akusungulwa ngokugcina amakhadi emiphumela noma ukuqapha ukuthi ubani owenzani, kuyisimo sengqondo esizibonakalisa ngomzamo umuntu awufaka ngokwemvelo. Akudingeki ngisho nokuba kubonakale ezimweni eziphuthumayo zango-3 ekuseni, ukuntuleka kokubuyisana kungabonakala kahle endleleni umlingani wakho akuphatha ngayo njalo.

Kungase kuqale ukuzizwa sengathi uwena wedwa ozama ukufaka umzamo ku-dynamic, noma uwena wedwa onendaba nokuxazulula izingxabano esikhundleni sokulwa. Ukuzibophezela kuzoba umqondo ongakaze uzwakale kumlingani wakho, futhi ekugcineni, lolu phawu oluyisixwayiso luzozenza lubonakale. Lapho ubudlelwano bakho buqala ukuzizwa bunohlangothi olulodwa ngokwedlulele, yisikhathi sokuphinda uhlole isisekelo sokuguquguquka kwakho. 

14. Umqondo wabo “wokukhulumisana” uhlanganisa ukulwa nokukuthethisa

Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ningena engxabanweni futhi nizama ukwethula umbono wenu, babonakala bengakwazi ukuhlanganyela engxoxweni ngendlela epholile futhi enokuthula. Babonakala benendaba “ngokuwina” kuphela, futhi ukuxhumana nabo kungaholela ekulimazeni imizwa yakho. Uzwakala ujwayelekile?

Izinkinga zokuxhumana ezinjengalezi zivame ukuba ngenye yezimpawu ezivame kakhulu. Ngaphansi kwezingubo zokuxhumana, umlingani wakho angase akuthethise futhi akulimaze imizwa, ecabanga ukuthi angasho noma yini ayifunayo kuwe. Akugcini nje ngokubonisa ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho kodwa futhi kubonisa ukuthi umlingani wakho angase abe nomqondo ophambene wokuthi ukuxhumana kufanele kube njani ebudlelwaneni obunempilo nobungathi sína.

15. Bakhombisa ukuziphatha kokulawula

Ukulawula, ukuziphatha komhawu kungenye yezimpawu ezibomvu ezinkulu kowesifazane, nasemadodeni futhi. Ukuziphatha okunobuthi okunjalo akuyona into elinganiselwe ebulilini, futhi abantu, ngeshwa, babhekana nokulawula nokuziphatha okunomhawu okuvela kubalingani babo njalo.

Umlingani wakho angase angakwamukeli noma abe nomona ngokweqile ngabangane bakho nomndeni futhi angase alawule isikhathi osichitha nabo. Noma, bangase bangahambisani nezinto ozilibazisa onazo futhi bakunxenxe ukuba uziyeke. Futhi, ngenkathi isiko le-pop lingase likwenze ukholelwe ukuthi ukulawula kubukeka kuphela njengozakwenu okutshela ngokungananazi ukuthi ungenzi okuthile, qonda ukuthi kuhluke kakhulu kunalokho.

Leli fulegi elibomvu lokuthandana lingathatha isikhathi eside futhi ungase ungakuqapheli. Ake sithi, ngokwesibonelo, umlingani wakho akalokothi akutshele ngokusobala ukuthi ungahlanganyeli emsebenzini othile kodwa isimo sakhe sokuphika, intukuthelo enkulu ngenxa yezenzo zakho, nokululaza njalo ekugcineni kuzokwenza kube iphuzu elibuhlungu ebudlelwaneni. Ungase uqale ngisho ukugwema abantu noma imisebenzi oyithandayo kodwa umlingani wakho angavumi nje ukuze kugcinwe ukuthula. Ngenxa yalokho, bagcina sebelawula izenzo zakho futhi bakwenze ungabaze, nakuba ngokungaqondile.

Manje njengoba usuyazi impendulo yokuthi yiziphi amafulegi abomvu entombini, ngethemba, unombono ongcono walokho okudingeka kusetshenzwe futhi yini inkinga kuphela ekhanda lakho. Ngikushiya nolunye ukuhlolwa kwe-litmus okusebenzayo kokuhambisana nozakwethu ongaba khona noma wamanje.

Yabelana ngohambo olude ngemoto nalo muntu ngesikhathi sezimoto eziningi. Uzokwazi ukubona ukuthi basabela kanjani ezindaweni ezicindezelayo, lokho abakwaziyo ukukwenza, indlela abaveza ngayo imizwa yabo eduze kwakho, nokuthi babhekana kanjani nokucindezeleka. Lokho kufanele kukutshele konke okudingeka ukwazi. Uma lolu hlu lwezimpawu ezibomvu ebudlelwaneni nowesifazane lukwenze wakhathazeka ngamandla okuguquguquka kwakho, iphaneli yabelaphi abanolwazi beBonobology ingakusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi indlela yakho eya ekululameni ibukeka kanjani.

Lesi sihloko sabuyekezwa ngoNovemba 2022.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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