Ukushiswa Kobudlelwane: Izimbangela, Izimpawu Namathiphu Okunqoba

Uma uvuka embhedeni futhi ubeke ukumamatheka ebusweni bakho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, ngokwemvelo uzozama ukuthola ugqozi kumlingani wakho. Kodwa lapho umcabango nje wokuxoxa nabo uvusa ukwesaba nokuphelelwa ithemba, ungase uvele udinwe uyakhathala.

Cha, akulona nje elinye igama elihle lapho othile “ezizwa eblue”. Uma kuyekwa kunganakiwe, ukutubeka kobudlelwane kungaba yimbangela enkulu yokukhathazeka, okuholela esimweni esibonakala sihlala njalo sesiyaluyalu, ukuphelelwa ithemba, ukukhathazeka, noma ukungajabuli, phakathi kwezinye izimpawu eziningi. 

Njengoba ukuyishiya ingalawulwa kufana nokusayina isitifiketi sokufa sobudlelwano bakho, ukuyixilonga nokuthola ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze kubaluleke kakhulu. Ngosizo lukadokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ochwepheshe bezokwelulekwa kobudlelwano kanye ne-Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, ake sibheke ukuthi iyini kanye nokuthi yini umuntu angayenza ngokukhathala kobudlelwano.

Kusho Ukuthini “Ukushiswa Kobudlelwane”?

Ngakho-ke, ingabe ikhona into efana nokutubeka kobudlelwane, noma uvele udlule esiqeshini esibi? Ungase ufune ukukholelwa ukuthi okwakamuva, kodwa njengoba “iziqephu ezimahhadlahhadla” ngokuvamile zingahlali isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze uzizwe uvaleleke ngokungenathemba, ungahle ubhekane kokuthile okubucayi kakhulu. 

Cha, ukulwa okukodwa akubonisi isimo esinjalo. Futhi cha, ukuthi omunye wenu ucele indawo yomuntu siqu akusho ukuthi ubudlelwano sebuphelile. Kalula nje, ukutubeka kuyisimo sokuzizwa ucindezelekile njalo futhi ukhathele ngenxa yokuba ngaphansi kwesikhathi eside sokucindezeleka nokungakhululeki.

Ukushiswa ubudlelwano kwenzeka lapho isibopho senu siba nzima ngokomzwelo , futhi oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bangase baphelelwe yithemba ngezinto ezizophinde zibukeke zingcono. Ungase uzizwe sengathi impilo yakho yengqondo iyahlupheka ngenxa yokuba kulobu budlelwano, okuyikona okubangela ukushiswa ubudlelwano.

Echaza incazelo yokushiswa ubudlelwano, uDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ngokuyisisekelo isimo sokukhathala, esihlanganiswe nomuzwa wokuphelelwa yithemba. Kuyindilinga embi kakhulu. Ukukhathala kuholela ekuphelelweni yithemba, okuholela ekukhathaleni okwengeziwe. Kondla amandla omunye nomunye. Ukushiswa ubudlelwano kuvame ukuthakazelisa kakhulu njengoba ukuhlola imbangela yokukhathala kungaveza izizathu eziningi.

"Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani ubudlelwano bungase bukhathale kunokuba bujabulise wena, futhi kunoxhaxha olungapheli lokuthi ubuthi buchazwa ngokuthini. Izimbangela zokutubeka kobudlelwano zingase zibe yinto ebucayi kakhulu, futhi azikwazi ukwenzeka nje." 

Njengoba uDkt. Bhonsle ebonisa, lokhu okwenziwayo kuncike kakhulu kumuntu ngamunye nakulowo nalowo onamandla. Izimpawu zokutubeka ebuhlotsheni bakho zingase zehluke kakhulu kwezabanye, futhi ukungazitholi kahle kungaholela ekutheni ungaqondi ukuthi iyini inkinga yangempela. Yingakho nje umuntu kudingeka aqaphele umuzwa ongamanga wokutubeka kobudlelwane.

Qaphela Ukushiswa Kwamanga Kobudlelwane 

"Uma uhamba ngezicathulo ezinodaka kuzo, uzoqoqa ukungcola okuningi endleleni. Ngakho-ke uma usucindezelekile, ungase ukusole ngamanga ngenxa yokukhathala noma ukutubeka kobudlelwane. Mhlawumbe awuzange ukuthole lokho kukhushulwa obukufuna, mhlawumbe umndeni wakho ukuphoqelela ngokuthile, mhlawumbe uzifake obishini. Ngokuvamile kungase kuholele ekubeni nenkinga yengqondo nengokomoya.

“Ngakho, ngaphambi kokuba usheshe ucabange okuthile njengokuthi “ubuhlobo bami buyangishisa,” qonda ukuthi isimo sakho sengqondo singase sibangelwa ezinye izinto ezingenakubalwa ezenzeka ekuphileni kwakho.” Lapho uthola ubuhlobo bakho buyisisulu esithambile sokusolwa, konke okwenzayo kuwukubuhlola ngokungeyikho,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.

Wazi kanjani ukuthi usukhathele ubuhlobo bakho? Ukusola isimo sakho sokungakhululeki ngenxa yokungajabuli kobudlelwano kungase kungabi umqondo omuhle, ikakhulukazi uma kusho ukuthi izinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu ngeke zibonwe. Izimpawu zokukhathala kobudlelwano zibonakala ngezindlela eziningi nangezigaba ezi-5 ezahlukene, yingakho ukuzihlola ngokwakho kungaba okungamanga.

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Izigaba Zokushiswa Kobudlelwano

Njenganoma yisiphi isifo, ubunzima bokutubeka buqhubeka ngezigaba. Ukutubeka ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni kuhamba ngezigaba ezinhlanu ezihlukene. Eqinisweni, zonke izinhlobo zokutubeka zidlula kulezi zigaba ezinhlanu, kungaba sendaweni yobungcweti, nanoma iyiphi enye ingxenye yempilo. Cabanga ngokutubeka kobudlelwane obusha njengokutubeka okuhlala njalo. Ukuqonda lezi zigaba kungase kusize umuntu abone izimpawu zakuqala nezimbangela, futhi aqedele udaba kuhlumela.

1. Isigaba sehoneymoon

Sihlala sisondela kokuthile okusha ngamandla amasha, ukuqiniseka, nokuzinikela. Siphinde sihlangabezane nezinga eliphezulu lokwaneliseka. Cabanga ngomsebenzi omusha noma ubudlelwano obusha. Sifuna ukunikeza okwengeziwe futhi sithole injabulo ngisho nembuyiselo encane.

Kodwa ukucindezeleka okuthile kulindelekile ngisho nakulesi sigaba. Ukufuna ukubeka unyawo lwakho olungcono kakhulu phambili ngosuku lwakho olusha, ukunikeza isikhathi esiningi kunalokho ongakwazi ukukukhokhela, ngokuvamile ukukukhipha kwezinye izibopho - lezi yizibonelo ezimbalwa zezici zokucindezeleka esigabeni se-honeymoon. Ukutubeka kobudlelwane obusha kungaba kubi kakhulu uma umuntu engabambi ingcindezi yobudlelwano obusha lapho kukhula.

2. Ukuqala kokucindezeleka

Nakuba ukucindezeleka kwase kuqalile kakade esigabeni sokugcina, umuntu osebudlelwaneni akazange azizwe ekhathazwa yikho futhi washeshe wakuthatha ukuze athole imivuzo ejabulisayo. Kodwa ukuqala kwesigaba sokucindezeleka kuyisiqalo sokuqaphela ukuthi kukhona ukucindezeleka kobudlelwane.

Ukukhathala kobudlelwane nakho kufakazela ukuqala okungajwayelekile kodwa okubonakalayo. Awukhathali ngempela ngomlingani wakho kulesi sigaba, kodwa awuvamile ukuzwa ukucindezeleka kokusekela ubuhlobo.

3. Ukucindezeleka okungapheli

Lesi sigaba sibonakala ngokuvela kaningi kokucindezeleka. Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kwalesi sigaba sokukhathala kobudlelwane nesokugcina ukushuba kanye nobuningi. Kulesi sigaba, ukucindezeleka kuzwa sengathi kukhona okuphikelelayo empilweni yakho. Uzizwa ungenamdlandla kangako ngobudlelwano bakho nekusasa labo kaningi kunangaphambili. Kangangoba, uze udinwe umlingani wakho futhi ube nemizwa yokuphelelwa ithemba.

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4. Ukutubeka

Lesi sigaba yilapho ungabiza ngokusemthethweni ukucindezeleka kwakho ngokuthi "ukukhathala kobudlelwane". Isigameko nokuqina kwengcindezi kuyavumelana kangangokuthi uzwa ukungakhululeki okukhulu nokumelana nobudlelwano bakho. Ukucindezeleka kufinyelela emazingeni abucayi kulesi sigaba, futhi kuba nzima nakakhulu ukuziba imizwa nezimpawu. Uzizwa ungenamdlandla kakhulu ebudlelwaneni, okwenza kubaluleke kakhulu ukuziphusha ukuze ufune ukwesekwa kochwepheshe.

5. Ukutubeka okuvamile

Ukushiswa okuvamile kubonakaliswa yimizwa yokunganeliseki engapheli nengapheli ebuhlotsheni bomuntu kuze kube yilapho sekungaphezu nje kokwenzeka njalo futhi kufanele kubhekwe njengesibonakaliso sesixwayiso sobudlelwano obusenkingeni. Kulesi sigaba, umuntu akanakukuthatha kalula ukushiswa ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni futhi kufanele abeke phambili ukubhekana nakho ukuze agweme ukucindezeleka okukhulu nokukhathazeka ebuhlotsheni.

Yini Edala Ukushiswa Kobudlelwane? 

Manje njengoba usuyazi impendulo ethi, “Ingabe ikhona into efana nokutubeka kobudlelwane?”, qonda incazelo yokutubeka kobudlelwane, futhi usujwayelene nezigaba ezihlukahlukene zokutubeka, ungase ube nelukuluku lokwazi ukuthi yini engabangela lokho. Nakuba izizathu zihluka ngokungaguquki ekuguquguqukeni ngakunye, uDkt. Bhonsle usiza ukukhomba izimbangela ezimbalwa ezivamile zokukhathala kobudlelwane: 

1. Lapho ubungafuni ubudlelwano kwasekuqaleni 

Uma ubungaqinisekanga ngokuphelele mayelana nokuguquguquka kwakho noma ugxumele kukho ngoba kubonakale kuwumqondo omuhle, kungenzeka ukuthi usheshe wabona ukuthi uzifake obishini. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Imibhangqwana eminingi esemasha ishesha ukukhathala ngenxa yokuthi ayizange iqaphele ukuthi yayingakakulungeli ukuzibophezela okunjalo lapho ingena ebuhlotsheni.

Lapho uzithola usesimweni obungakaze ufune ukuba kuso, ungase uzizwe uvaleleke ngokushesha. Zibuze ukuthi ukuzinikela kwakuyilokho obukufuna yini noma ukuthi ukuthatheka kuphuphuthekise ukwahlulela kwakho.

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2. Ukutubeka ebudlelwaneni kungabangelwa uma uyeka ukuzisebenzela wena

Cha, okuwukuphela kwembangela akuyena umlingani wakho noma izimo ezinzima ongase ubhekane nazo. Zibuze, ingabe usuzikhathazile ngohlobo oluthile lwakho? Ingabe ukusebenza ebuntwini bakho kuyinto oyenzile ekolishi kuphela? “Isimo sokujwayelana ngokweqile sivame ukuba khona lapho bobabili abalingani sebeyekile ukusebenza ngokwabo. Abantu abaningi bawela esifweni sokungakhathali ebuhlotsheni babo , ikakhulukazi ngemva komshado.

“Bangase bakhuluphale kakhulu, bayeke ukulwela ukubukeka, bayeke ukunakekela impilo yabo engokwengqondo noma engokomzimba.” Okudingekayo nje yinyanga yokweqa indawo yokuzivocavoca ukuze uphenduke umkhuba, uma ubona umuntu othandana naye “njengokuphishekela” osuwunqobile, usuke usuyekile ukuzisungula kabusha ukuze ube ngcono,” kusho uDkt Bhonsle. 

3. Ukushintsha kwezindinganiso zakho kungase kube yimbangela 

Uma ubhekene nekhanda phezu kothile, cishe awucabangi ngokuthi uzoba kuphi eminyakeni eyishumi ezayo naye. Kulungile, mhlawumbe usuvele ucabange uhambo oluningi oluya e-Italy nalo eminyakeni emihlanu ezansi komugqa, kodwa lokho kuphambene nephuzu. Mhlawumbe izindinganiso zakho zishintshile kusukela nindawonye, ​​noma imigomo yenu yesikhathi esizayo ayizange ihambisane kwasekuqaleni.

Yini ebangela ukutubeka kobudlelwane? Imibono ehlukene iyisici esicacile sobungozi. “Kuzo zonke izilinganiso, unezindinganiso ezihambisanayo kanti ezinye azivumelani.Kodwa uma ufuna izinto ezihluke kakhulu ekuphileni - mhlawumbe akazifuni izingane noma akafuni ukushada - kungaholela esimweni sokukhathala kobuhlobo," kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.

4. Umphongolo kadoti onobuthi obhalwe “ubudlelwano bakho”

Njengoba imbangela yokushaqeka ebhalwe kahle iyisikhathi eside sokucindezeleka noma ukungakhululeki, ubudlelwano obunobuthi buphakathi kwezimbangela ezibalulekile zokushaqeka kobudlelwano. Okubaluleke kakhulu okufanele kuqashelwe, nokho, iqiniso lokuthi ubuthi kuzo zonke izihlobo bungahluka. Izimpawu eziningi ze-toxic dynamic zingenza kube nzima ukuyibona, yingakho ukuthola ukuthi yini ebangela lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu.

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Izimpawu Ezi-5 Ezivamile Zokushiswa Kobudlelwane 

Uma noma yiziphi izimbangela ziye zasondela kakhulu ekhaya, kungenzeka ukuthi ukhathazekile ngokuzofika ku-equation yakho nomlingani wakho. Kodwa kuthiwani uma izimpawu zokutubeka ebuhlotsheni sezivele zonakalise amandla akho, ngaphandle kwakho nokuqaphela? Ngakho, wazi kanjani ukuthi ukhathele ubuhlobo bakho?

Ingabe konke okushiwo umlingani wakho kukwenza uhlahle amehlo ngokungazithandi? Ingabe ulubheke ngabomvu uhambo lwabo lwebhizinisi oluya kwelinye izwekazi ngaphezu kwalokho abayikho? Mhlawumbe, okufunayo ngasese wukubaleka kodwa awuzimisele ukukwamukela. Ake sibheke izimpawu ezivamile zokukhathala kobudlelwane, ukuze ungalokhu uzikhohlisa ngokukholelwa ukuthi ubhekene nezinkinga futhi impelasonto lapho ningekho ndawonye kuzolungisa yonke into:

1. Ukungafuni ukuchitha isikhathi nophathina

“Ukuthanda noma ubani ngaphandle komngane wakho womshado kuwuphawu olusobala njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle.” Mhlawumbe, uke wacabanga ngisho nokujola, noma ngokuzumayo ususondelene kakhulu nalowo owayeyilangabi,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle. 

Nakuba ungase ubalekela ngamabomu ukwamukela leli qiniso, kungenzeka ukuthi usuvele ugwema izingcingo zomlingani wakho, wesaba ukuthi kuzoqala ingxabano ngesikhathi uphendula. Uma uzizwa uvaleleke ebuhlotsheni bakho , thatha ikhefu izinsuku ezimbalwa ubone ukuthi kukwenza uzizwe kanjani. Uma sonke leso sikhathi sokuba wedwa sikwenza ujabule kakhulu kunobuhlobo bakho muva nje, kungaba yisibonakaliso esikhulu sokukhathala ebuhlotsheni.

2. Uzibonile izimpawu zokutubeka 

“Kungenzeka ukuthi awuwenzi kahle umsebenzi wakho, ukhathazeke ngekusasa lakho nomsebenzi, ungase uzizwe ungenathemba, uvaleleke, futhi unokungabaza okuningi,” kuphawula uDkt. Bhonsle. Yebo, umsuka wazo zonke lezi zimpawu kungase kube enye into ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho, kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi, usuvele wazi kahle ukuthi ngabe owakwakho ukunika ukwesekwa okudingayo noma wenza impilo yakho yengqondo ibe nzima. 

3. Ukuzama “ukukuxoxa” akusebenzi 

Noma ibuphi ubuhlobo, obunempilo noma cha, buzoba nezinkinga. Kodwa umehluko phakathi kokuguquguquka okunempilo nokungenjalo yindlela osebenza ngayo ezinkingeni. Iqiniso nje lokuthi umbhangqwana ungase ukwazi ukuba nengxoxo ezuzisayo ngezindaba ezithinta inhliziyo kungaba okwanele ukuwusekela. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ukuhlala phansi ukuze nixoxe ngenhliziyo kuphumela kuphela ezimpini eziningi futhi avinjwe ama-akhawunti ezinkundla zokuxhumana, kungase kube uphawu olusobala lokutubeka kobudlelwane. 

4. Imizwa izwa sengathi iyafa

Yebo, umqondo ogcwele “wokuphela kwenhlansi” ebudlelwaneni uvame ukukhombisa ukuthi kukhona inkinga ekhona. Izimpawu zenhlansi enciphayo zingase zibonakale kunzima ukuzibona, ikakhulukazi uma ukuzethemba kunamandla kini nobabili. Akunandaba ukuthi senineminyaka eyishumi nishadile noma nisebudlelwaneni unyaka wonke, akufanele kuzwakale sengathi ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano benu kungumsebenzi onzima kunokuba kube yinto ejabulisayo.

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5. Izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo azidingidwa

Uma ukwazi kwakho okuncane kuhlela ngokuyimfihlo indlela yokuphunyuka, ngeke ube nezingxoxo ezikhiqiza kakhulu mayelana nekusasa. Nobabili ningase nigweme ukukhuluma ngakho, noma niphendule ngamagama angacacile lapho nibuzwa ngemigomo yenu yesikhathi esizayo. Zibuze ukuthi ingabe uyakwazi ukuzibona ngempela nomlingani wakho eminyakeni eyi-10 phansi komugqa. Uma kukwenza ungakhululeki noma ukhathazeke kancane, cishe udinga ukuphinda uhlole izinto ezimbalwa. 

Ukuqaphela ukuthi lokho onakho nomlingani wakho kuyaguquguquka kungase kukwenze ube novalo. Cishe utshale isikhathi esiningi kukho, futhi ukuyeka kungase kungabi umcabango ozimisele ukuwujabulisa, ngisho nalapho isimo somqondo oshile sikwenza kube nzima kuwe ukuthi usebenze. Kodwa yingakho sicele usizo lukaDkt. Bhonsle ukuthi akutshele ukuthi uhambo lokutakula ubuhlobo obutusekayo yilolo ongaqala ngalo ngokushesha, nalokho okudingeka ukwenze njengoba uqhubeka. 

Amathiphu angu-7 Wokuqeda Ukushiseka Ebudlelwaneni 

Ngaphambi kokuthi uhlole amathiphu okuzama ukusindisa ubudlelwano bakho, qiniseka ukuthi ufuna ukukwenza kwasekuqaleni. Ukwazi ukuthi kufanele nihlukane nini unomphela kuvame ukuba yindaba yokuyeka ukuphika bese ufunda umbhalo odongeni obekulokhu ukubhekile ebusweni isikhathi eside manje.

Into yokugcina ongayifuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano bakho ngokudela impilo yakho yengqondo. Uma sekushiwo lokho, ake sibheke ukuthi ungaqala kanjani ohambweni lwakho lokutakula ukutubeka kobudlelwane: 

1. Hlanganisa amabutho nixoxe bodwa 

Kungaba ukutubeka kobudlelwane bebanga elide noma ukutubeka ngenxa yezingxabano eziqhubekayo, into ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza ukuthuthukisa ikhwalithi yokuxhumana kwakho. “Khuluma nophathina wakho ngokuthi yini ebangela ukutubeka, kufanele nicele usizo lomunye nomunye ezindaweni ezihlukahlukene ebudlelwaneni benu.

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Lapho ulimele unyawo, ungathanda uma othile ekusiza ukuba ufike esihlalweni.

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2. Ukwelulekwa kungasiza ekulweni nokutubeka kobudlelwane

“Ukuxhumana kungase kungenzeki ngokuphelele uma umlingani wakho ecasuka noma ephatheka kabi lapho uzama ukuba nengxoxo.Kulezo zimo, kungcono kakhulu ukwenza kanjalo ngomxazululi.Yingakho empeleni kube khona ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano.Umeluleki uzokwazi ukutolika ulwazi futhi alwethule kuwe.

“Umlingani wakho angase azimisele kakhulu ukuhlanganyela engxoxweni futhi angase aqaphele ukuthi ezinye izinto bezithinta ubudlelwano kakhulu kunalokho abekucabanga,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle. Uma ufuna usizo, ungaxhumana nanoma yimuphi umeluleki onolwazi eqenjini lochwepheshe beBonobology , ongathanda ukukusiza ezinkingeni zakho zobudlelwano.

3. Funda ulimi olusha: ulimi lothando lozakwenu

"Ngezinga elithile, ukuqonda izinhlobo ezinhlanu zezilimi zothando kungakusiza nobabili ukuba nilulame ekukhathaleni kobuhlobo. Empeleni kuwumkhuba wokubuza umlingani wakho ukuthi, "Ungathanda ngiziphathe kanjani uma useduze nawe?" noma "Ungathanda ngiphinde ngizilungise kanjani uma useduze nawe?".

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Kungasiza umuntu othandana naye azi ukuthi amazwi owashoyo awagcini nje ngokuphimisela, kodwa empeleni usuke uqonde lokho okushoyo.” Ngokwazi ukuthi bakhuluma kanjani futhi baluqonda kanjani uthando, ungafaka imali ezintweni ezizomtshela ngokucacile indlela ozizwa ngayo,” kusho uDkt. 

Ngisho noma uzwa sengathi ukutubeka kobudlelwane bebanga elide akunakulungiseka, amazwi ambalwa okuqinisekisa angase akusize nobabili. UDkt. Bhonsle usitshela ukuthi abantu abaningi abakhulumi futhi baziveze ngendlela abalingani babo abaqonda ngayo, okungase kubangele ukudumazeka, ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo, kanye nezinkinga ezikhulayo.

4. Funda ubuciko bokuxazulula izingxabano

Njengoba kungenzeka utshele manje, unokuthile okufanele ukwenze uma ufuna ukuphulukisa ekukhathaleni kobudlelwano. Uma ubulindele ukuthi kube lula, mhlawumbe yizinto ozilindeleyo okudingeka uzilawule (okungasiza nobudlelwano bakho, ngendlela). Enye indawo ongasebenzela kuyo ukuze ululame ekukhathaleni kobudlelwano ukufunda ikhono lokuxazulula izingxabano okunempilo.

" Ukuxazulula izingxabano kumele kube inqubo emnene kakhulu. Akunakuba ukulingisa inkantolo, lapho ungena khona ngenkani uhlasele umlingani wakho ngenkulumo ethi "lokhu, lokhu, futhi yilokhu okwenzile okungalungile futhi yilokhu okwenze kabi". Uma uhlasela othile egameni lokuxazulula izingxabano, kungayenza ibe yimbi kakhulu ingxabano. Kumelwe ufunde ukuba yi-diplomatic, ukubuyisana, kufanele ucishe ushelele ephuzwini lakho kunokuzama ukulifaka empikiswaneni," kuchaza uDkt. Bhonsle.

5. Qonda izimbangela 

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza: “Ukuze kuqhamuke ukutubeka, othile okhela umentshisi.” Ukuze ugweme ukubamba umlilo, udinga ukwazi ukuthi yiziphi izihloko ezingashi ebudlelwaneni benu, yiziphi izinto ezingase zibangele umlilo,” kuchaza uDkt.

"Uma kuvuza uwoyela, kufanele uqiniseke ukuthi awubonisi uthi lukamentshisi oluvuthayo, akunjalo? Ngakho-ke kufanele uzwele kakhulu ngalokho umlingani wakho akushoyo nakushoyo. Yiba umphenyi, ungabi umshushisi ebudlelwaneni bakho. Esikhundleni sokugxumela eziphethweni futhi unqume ukuthi kwenzekeni nokuthi siyini isijeziso esifanele, zama ukuqonda zonke izici zesimo esithile.

“Ngezinye izikhathi okudingeka ukwenze nje ukuvumela izinto zidlule bese kungekho ‘okuxazulula.’ Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho udidekile ngoba ubenefoni ecasulayo ehoreni eledlule, noma othile emndenini wagula kungazelelwe,” uyanezela.

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6. Zisebenzele wena

Njengoba uDkt. Bhonsle esho, ukusha kobudlelwano kungase kwenzeke ngenxa yokuthi abalingani bakhetha ukungazivuseleli futhi baqala ukuzola. Uma uyeka ukuzama ukuba ngumlingani ongcono kakhulu ongaba nguye , cishe uyamukela isikhathi sokungahlali ndawonye.

Ukuze ugweme ukutubeka kobudlelwane kunoma yikuphi okuguquguqukayo, ukuqhubeka usebenza ngokwakho kungenza umehluko. Cha, asisho ukuthi kufanele ufunde ulimi olusha njalo ezinyangeni eziyisithupha futhi ufunde ikhono elisha njalo kathathu. Ukumane uthuthukise indlela entsha yokuzilibazisa kungaba kuhle ngokwanele. 

7. Vumelana ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni 

Ukusebenza ngobudlelwano akusho ukuthi udinga ukukhipha amaphedi akho asemthethweni aphuzi, ubhale ukuhlaziya okunemininingwane kwamasonto onke kwebhondi yakho. Kungaba lula njengokwenza i-yoga ndawonye, ​​ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye, ​​futhi uqinisekise ukuthi amazwi akho awaphakamisi phakathi nezingxabano.

Lapho bobabili abalingani benquma ukungena ngezinyawo zombili, ukutubeka kobudlelwane kungaxazululwa ngendlela efanele. Yebo, ikilasi elilodwa lokupheka elibonakalayo ngeke lixazulule zonke izinkinga zakho, kodwa okungenani nizochitha isikhathi ndawonye futhi nithole ukudla okumnandi kuso.

Ngakho-ke, ingabe ikhona into efana nokukhathala kobudlelwane? Uyabhejwa. Ingabe kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho buyophela? Akunjalo. Yiqiniso, uhambo oluya ekululameni lude, futhi lungase ludinge ukuzihlola okuningi. Kodwa isimo sengqondo esingenathemba nesinqotshiwe asisimama. Ukuthola indlela yokuphuma kulo mgodi kungasindisa ukuphila kwakho ngokoqobo. 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.