Ukucindezeleka Kwangemva Kokuhlukana - Incazelo, Izimpawu, Namathiphu Okubhekana Nawo

Ukuhlukana nomuntu obalulekile kuyisigameko esishintsha impilo, ukusho okungenani. Iphendulela umhlaba wakho phansi njengoba ufunda ukuthi ungaphila kanjani futhi. Ukubhekana nesimo kuyinto eqhubekayo futhi abantu babhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo ngendlela ehlukile. Kodwa ngokuvamile, abantu baphendukela endleleni emnyama yokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana. Kubalulekile ukuba nezingxoxo mayelana nesihloko ngoba ukudabuka kobuhlungu benhliziyo kuvame ukukhonjwa njengokwesikhashana noma okwedlulayo.

Sibhekana nezici zokucindezeleka okukhulu ngemva kokuhlukana ngesiqondiso sikadokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ogxile ekwelulekeni kobudlelwano kanye nokwelashwa kokuziphatha okunengqondo. Kusukela encazelweni yesifo sangemva kokuhlukana kanye nezimpawu kuya esikhathini saso kanye namasu okubhekana naso - lo mhlahlandlela ophelele unakho konke. Uma ufuna ukuqonda kangcono isimo sakho, usesendaweni efanele.

Iyini I-Post-Breakup Syndrome?

Ubuhlobo bungenye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu empilweni yethu. Buhlanganisa isikhathi esidlule esingasoze salibaleka, isikhathi samanje sothando, kanye nekusasa elinethemba. Ngokwemvelo, ukuphela kokuxhumana okunjalo kusivimba sife endleleni yethu futhi kusenze silahlekelwe yiwo wonke umuzwa wesiqondiso kanye nenhloso. Isizungu ngemva kokuhlukana siyinto eyodwa ngempela - ukudabuka kwenhliziyo kusenza sibe ngcono kakhulu. Kodwa kungani ukucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana kusithinta kakhulu?

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Ukuhlukana kuba yimbangela yosizi olukhulu kubo bobabili abalingani abathintekayo. Bazibonele ikusasa labo futhi ukuhlukana kuqeda yonke imiklamo yabo. Lapho abantu bengakutholi ababekufuna ebudlelwaneni, balwa nokulahlekelwa yiphupho. Kubalulekile futhi ukuqaphela ukuthi umlingani ungena ezindimeni eziningi (umngane, isihambi, umhambi, umngane, njll.) ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano buthinta cishe yonke indawo yokuphila komuntu.

"Ushintsho olukhulu olubangelwa ukuhlukana lungaba nzima kakhulu. Umuntu ulahlekelwa izinto eziningi futhi ukulungisa kabusha kuyinselele enkulu." Inani lokucindezeleka abantu ababhekana nakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana landisa amathuba abo okuthola ukucindezeleka. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lwango-2019 lwembula ukuthi izimo zangemuva kokuhlukana zifana nezimpawu zokucindezeleka kwezokwelapha.

Ukuze uphendule umbuzo wakho (nakuba kungekho mpendulo eqondile), i-post-separade syndrome yisikhathi esicindezelayo ngokomzwelo esilandela ukuphela kobudlelwano. Sibonakala ngokuphelelwa yithemba, usizi, kanye nokuzola ngaphandle kwezinye izimpawu eziningi. Ngenkathi wonke umuntu edlula ku-post-separade syndrome, abanye abantu bathatha ukuhlukana kunzima kunabanye. Bangena ekucindezelekeni ngenxa yokudabuka isikhathi eside futhi abakwazi ukuqhubeka noma ukucubungula ukuhlukana. Sekuyisikhathi sokubhekana nokuthi ukucindezeleka okukhulu ngemva kokuhlukana kubukeka kanjani.

Yiziphi Izimpawu Zokucindezeleka Kwangemva Kokuhlukana?

Ukucindezeleka okubangelwa ukuphela kobudlelwano bothando kuyakhathaza ukuphila nakho. Kubangela ukungakhululeki okukhulu nobuhlungu ezimweni ezingokomzwelo nezingokomzimba. Kodwa ukuze ubhekane nakho ngendlela efanele, kufanele uhlole izimpawu zako. Akekho umuntu okufanele azihlole ngokombono wengqondo. Nokho, angabona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso futhi afune usizo lochwepheshe ukuze aphume ekucindezelekeni ngemva kokuhlukana.

Bheka lezi zimpawu zokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana bese wenza ukuhlaziywa okuqondile kwesimo sakho. Yiba qotho kuwe ngoba kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokululama. Lahla ukuphika bese ukhumbula amazwi ahlakaniphile ka-CS Lewis avela ku- The Problem of Pain – “Ubuhlungu bengqondo abubuhlungu kakhulu kunobuhlungu bomzimba, kodwa buvame kakhulu futhi kunzima kakhulu ukubuthwala. Ukuzama njalo ukufihla ubuhlungu bengqondo kwandisa umthwalo: kulula ukuthi, 'Izinyo lami liyabuhlungu' kunokuthi, 'Inhliziyo yami iphukile.'”

1. Ukushintsha kwesisindo 

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukwanda noma ukwehla okukhulu kwesisindo kubonisa inkinga ekhona. Abantu abaningi bayazuza/ balahlekelwa yisifiso sokudla ngemva kokuhlukana futhi bayeke ukunakekela imizimba yabo. Lena indaba esobala kakhulu yokuqala kokucindezeleka.” Nokho, ubulokhu udla ukudla okunempilo futhi uphuza amanzi anele? Noma ubhajwe ogibeni lokudla ngokweqile noma indlala? Ukuncisha umzimba wakho ukudla okunempilo kungenye yezimpawu ezimbi kakhulu zokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana.

2. Ukulutheka noma ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa

Abantu abaningi bafuna induduzo ekuphuzeni nasezintweni ngemva kokuphela kobudlelwane. Bacwila onqenqemeni lokulutheka futhi babeke impilo yabo engozini. Ukudayela i-ex idakiwe kuvame ukuhlekwa kodwa kuphakamisa okuthile okubucayi kakhulu. Cabanga ngomlando wakho wokuphuza wakamuva - kukangaki uminzisa usizi lwakho engilazini yewhiskey? Uma ubhekene nokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana, impendulo izokumangaza.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-12 Zokuthola Injabulo Ngemva Kokuhlukana Nokuphulukiswa Ngokuphelele

3. Ukucindezeleka okukhulu ngemva kokuhlukana kuholela ekuzihlukaniseni

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Abantu ababonisa izimpawu zokucindezeleka bayakulahla konke ukuzihlanganisa nabo. Kungenzeka ukuthi unenqwaba yamakholi aphuthelwe nemilayezo engavuliwe efonini yakho. Awuzizwa ufuna ukubuyisela lezo, akunjalo?

4. Ukulahlekelwa umdlandla

Lesi esinye isibonakaliso esibalulekile okufanele usiqaphele. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Abantu balahlekelwa yisifiso sabo sokuzijabulisa futhi babe buthakathaka futhi bangabi naso isikhuthazo. Bafeza imisebenzi yansuku zonke ngomzamo omkhulu noma ngokuzabalaza.” Into evamile njengokuthenga ukudla ingabonakala inzima uma ubhekene nokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana . Uphawu olufanayo ukungathandi imisebenzi ovame ukuyithola ijabulisa. Uzothola ukuthi usebenzisa ibinzana elithi, “Angifuni ukuyenza” kaningi.

5. Izikhathi zokungalali kahle ziyizimpawu zokucindezeleka zangemva kokuhlukana

Kunezindlela ezimbili lokhu okungahamba ngazo - ukuqwasha noma ukulala ngokweqile. Ukuqwasha yisifo sokulala esingakuvumeli ukuthi umuntu alale noma okumenza aphaphame ngamahora angajwayelekile. Ubuthongo abuhlaliseki futhi buphazamisekile, buzala ezinye izinkinga eziningi njengokucasuka, ukungagayeki kahle kokudla, ukuqhuma, njll. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukucindezeleka kungabangela nokulala ngokweqile (amahora angu-11-13 ngosuku) ngezikhathi ezingavamile. Zombili iziphetho ze-spectrum ziyingozi kusistimu yakho. 

6. Izitimela zokucabanga ezingezinhle

Isibonakaliso sokugcina ukucabanga okungenelayo nokungalungile. Lokhu kufaka phakathi ukuzizonda , imicabango yokuzibulala, imicabango ephoqelelayo ngobuhlobo, kanye nezimo ezizokwenzeka uma kwenzeka. Ingqondo iba yindawo ephithizelayo nengathandeki; awukwazi ukusebenza kahle uma uphazamisekile futhi ucabanga ngokweqile. Ukubhekana nalezi ziqephu zemicabango kubalulekile ngoba zingaba isenzo ngokushesha okukhulu.

Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba sikhulume ngendlela yokuphuma ekucindezelekeni ngemva kokuhlukana, kufanele siphendule umbuzo obaluleke kakhulu. Kuye kwathatha ingqondo yawo wonke umuntu esikhathini esithile - ayikho impendulo yesayensi kukho ngempela. Ake sibone ukuthi singayixazulula yini inkinga yakho ngokuphendula ukuthi ukucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-8 Zokuthi Umngane Wakho Usekucindezelekeni Nezindlela Eziyi-6 Ongasiza Ngazo

Kuthatha Isikhathi Esingakanani Ukuzizwa Ujwayelekile Ngemva Kokuhlukana?

Azikho izindlela eziqondile zokwelashwa. Noma ngabe uyifuna kabi kangakanani, ngeke uyithole impendulo eqondile yalo mbuzo. Akekho ongakunikeza usuku oluqondile noma isikhathi sokuphelelwa yisikhathi kokudangala kwakho kwangemva kokuhlukana. Lolo uhambo oluqalayo uwedwa - akekho ongakunikeza uhlelo lohambo lwalo. 

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Kuyinto evumelana ngokuphelele. Abanye abantu bathatha amasonto ambalwa ukuphuma ekwehlukaneni okubi kuyilapho abanye bethatha iminyaka emibili. Kuncike kubo nekhono labo elingokomzwelo ukucubungula umcimbi. Kunzima kakhulu ukunikeza othile isilinganiso. Kodwa akekho okufanele azame ukusheshisa izinto - thatha isikhathi sakho futhi ubekezele ngenqubekelaphambili yakho. Akuwona umncintiswano okufanele uwunqobe futhi uqhathanise umzila nabanye. "

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuphulukiswa akuqondile. Isinyathelo esisodwa phambili asiqinisekisi ukuthi ngeke uthathe izinyathelo ezimbili emuva kusasa. Ukubhekana nokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana kuyadida futhi kuyaphithizela. Kuhilela okuningi emuva naphambili lapho usuku olulodwa oluhle lwandulela olubi oluningana. Kodwa nakhu esingakutshela khona ngokuqiniseka: kuba ngcono. Nakuba kuzwakala sengathi ukuphela komhlaba (futhi mhlawumbe kukuwe), ukunqoba uthando lwempilo yakho kungenzeka.

Ngomsebenzi ongashintshi kanye nokubekezela okuningi, ungaphuma ekucindezelekeni ngemva kokuhlukana. Lokhu kusiholela esigabeni sethu esilandelayo esigxile ekululameni. Unombono omuhle ngalokho obhekene nakho; asifunde ukuthi singabhekana kanjani nayo. 

Indlela Yokubhekana Nokucindezeleka Kwangemva Kokuhlukana

Awukwazi 'ukwelapha' ukudangala kwangemva kokuhlukana ngomqondo ojwayelekile. Ukulinganisa ukugula ngokomzimba ngeke kusize icala lakho. Kodwa uma ungekho umuthi wokugomela lesi sifo, ungabhekana kanjani nokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana? Sibale izinkomba ezi-3 ezibanzi ezingakusiza ukuthi uzulazule kangcono kokuluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Wasebenzise njengendawo yokugxuma bese ukhetha indlela yokuthola ezokusebenzela kangcono. 

Siyakunxusa ukuthi ucabangele zonke izinketho ngendlela efanele; ungachithi noma yisiphi isiphakamiso ngokushesha. Ngeke wazi ukuthi yini engase ikushaye. Gwema ukucabangela futhi uqhubeke ufunda ngomqondo ovulekile. Nazi izindlela ezi-3 eziphezulu zokusingatha ukudangala kwangemva kokuhlukana ngempumelelo…

1. Funa usizo lochwepheshe 

Ukucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana kungase kuthinte kakhulu impilo yakho engokomzwelo nengokomzimba. Uma uphelelwa yizinsiza, ukuya kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo kuhle. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Umelaphi noma umeluleki angakusiza ukuba ubone izinto ngeso elibanzi, angakusiza ubone ukuthi usizi luwumzwelo womuntu wonke. 

“Abanye bake bahamba ngale ndlela ngaphambi kwakho futhi bavela ngakolunye uhlangothi. Lolu lwazi lungaduduza lapho ubhekene nobuhlungu nokuphuka kwenhliziyo. Ukuthi awuwedwa ekuhluphekeni nasekulahlekelweni kwakho.” Kwa-Bonobology, sinikeza usizo lochwepheshe ngephaneli yethu yochwepheshe abanelayisensi. Bangakuqondisa ebuhlungwini bokuhlukana kwakho kanye nenqubo yokululama.

2. Ungabhekana kanjani nokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana? Ukuzinakekela nokuzithanda 

Geza, uhlanze indlu, futhi uyeke ukudla okungenamsoco. Isikhathi sokuyihlanganisa, akunjalo? Ukusungula isimiso kuhamba indlela ende ekubhekaneni nokucindezeleka okukhulu ngemva kokuhlukana. Hamba uye emsebenzini futhi ulale ngesikhathi. Ngicela, zivocavoce! Kufanele uqale ubuyele kokunye okufana nokujwayelekile. Ukugaqa osizini akusimeme. 

Ngaphandle kokuzinakekela, funda ukuthi ungazithanda kanjani futhi. Zijwayeze ukuqaphela, i-yoga, ukuzindla noma ukubhala phansi ukuze ulungise isikhathi esidlule futhi uthole ukucaca okwamanje. Ungazifaki emjikelezweni wokulala ubusuku obubodwa noma ukuhlangana nabantu. Jabulela ukuba nawe okwamanje futhi uchithe isikhathi sakho esihle. Kunezinzuzo eziningi zokungashadi - zisebenzise ngokugcwele.

3. Izinhlelo zokusekela ziyadingeka  

Amabutho omuntu oyedwa mikhulu. Kodwa futhi zingezesikhashana. Uma ufuna ukwelapha ngempela ukudangala kwangemva kokuhlukana ngomqondo ophelele, thembela kubangani bakho nomndeni wakho. Bavumele bakusize ekuhlanzeni noma ekulungiseni futhi wamukele izimemo zabo zesidlo sakusihlwa noma iziphuzo. Zizungeze nabantu obathandayo abakukhumbuza ukuthi impilo yinhle. Unabanye oxhumana nabo ababalulekile ngaphandle kwalowo owathandana naye, ngakho-ke bazise.

UDkt. Bhonsle unikeza icebiso eliwusizo, “Bengilokhu ngithola ukuthi okuhlangenwe nakho noma izindaba zabanye kungaba usizo olukhulu. Funda/bukela/lalela abantu abaye babhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo . Badlula kanjani kukho? Yimaphi amaphutha abawenza (ongawagwema ngenxa yalokho)? Ungaboleka olwazini lwabo uma ubhekana nezinto ngomqondo wokukhula.” Kuhle ngempela, akunjalo?

Futhi kanjalo nje, sihlanganise zonke izisekelo zethu. Manje usuyazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukana ngokuzinzile nangokuvuthwa. Uma kukhona esikuphuthele lapha, sicela usazise kumazwana angezansi. Sihlala sijabula ukuzwa kuwe. Sikufisela inhlanhla ohambweni lwakho - silwela wena.

Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.

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