5 Izimpawu Zokuthi Owesifazane Empilweni Yakho Unezinkinga Zobaba

Mhlawumbe uyise wayeyisidakwa, mhlawumbe wayemhlukumeza umama wakhe. Mhlawumbe wayenesandla esiqinile ephutheni elithile noma wayematasa kakhulu emsebenzini ukuba atholakale ngokomzwelo. Mhlawumbe wayengeyena nje umndeni. Abesifazane abaningi bakhula nobaba abangakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo nabo futhi bagcine sebenezinkinga zobaba ezibeka ithunzi phezu kokuxhumana kwabo kwezothando.

Lezi zinkinga zibonakala lapho owesifazane ezama ukwakha ubuhlobo nowesilisa lapho esekhulile futhi alawule indlela asingatha ngayo ubudlelwane bakhe bothando. Ngakho, owesifazane kuthiwa unezinkinga zikababa uma ezama ukuxazulula ukushiyeka kwasebuntwaneni bakhe ngobudlelwano bakhe njengomuntu omdala. Nokho, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi igama elishiwo lapha namuhla akulona igama lomtholampilo noma ukuphazamiseka okuqashelwa isibuyekezo sakamuva se-American Psychiatric Association se-Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Eqinisweni, livame ukusetshenziswa njengegama elihlambalazayo ukuze kuthathwe kalula izitayela zokunamathela ezingavikelekile. Kulesi sihloko, uDkt. Gaurav Deka (MBBS, PG diplomas in Psychotherapy and Hypnosis), i-Transpersonal Regression Therapist edumile emhlabeni wonke, egxile ekuxazululeni ukuhlukumezeka, futhi enguchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo kanye nokuphila kahle, ubhala ngalezi zinkinga ukuze akusize uqonde ukuthi zivelaphi, zibukeka kanjani, nokuthi zingabhekwana kanjani nazo.

Ziyini Izinkinga Baba?

Umsuka wezinkinga zikababa, njengazo zonke ezinye izindaba zobudlelwano obungavunyelwe, zibuyela kuPapa Freud. Wathi, “Anginaso isidingo sokukhula ebuntwaneni esinamandla njengesidingo sesivikelo sikababa. Uma lesi sidingo singagcwaliseki, ukukhula komuntu ngokomzwelo nangokomqondo kuya kabi.

Ngolimi olulula, abesifazane abanalezi zinkinga banendlela abadonsela ngayo amadoda abonisa zonke izinhlobo zezinkinga ezingaxazululwanga ebuhlotsheni babo noyise. Imithwalo yemizwa yesikhathi esidlule idluliselwa phambili empilweni yabo yothando. Lena ingqondo eyinkimbinkimbi ngemuva kwezinkinga zobaba.

Abesifazane abanjalo bavame ukuphindaphinda ubuhlobo obufanayo obungavala isikhala sikababa ongekho noma ukuntuleka kobudlelwane nomuntu wesilisa obalulekile kusukela ebuntwaneni babo. Ukwakha ubudlelwano obuvikelekile kuyinselele impela kulaba besifazane; okunamathiselwe akulula noma kuqondile kubo.

IPsychology Behind Daddy Issues

Ngokwesiko le-pop, leli gama lisetshenziselwa ukubukela phansi abesifazane abathandana namadoda amadala kuphela noma abanezinkinga zokusungula ubudlelwano obuvikelekile. Nokho, ubunkimbinkimbi bayo abulula kangako. Imiphumela yokuba nobaba owayengatholakali ngokomzwelo ngokuvamile ingena ebuhlotsheni bomuntu omdala, obuvame ukudala umonakalo.

Nakuba leli gama lidlangile, umsuka walo awumisiwe kahle. Nokho, njengoba uSigmund Freud asho ukubaluleka kwesivikelo sikababa ekuphileni komntwana, umbono wakhe “wenkimbinkimbi yobaba” ubonakala uyisisekelo sezinkinga zikababa eziphathelene nokusebenza kwengqondo.

I-“complex kababa” ichaza umphumela omubi ubudlelwano obungenampilo nobaba obungaba nawo engqondweni yengane. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi bobabili amadoda nabesifazane bangahlushwa yi-complex kababa, futhi izibonakaliso kuzo zombili izimo zivame ukuhluka. Amadoda avame ukuba nenkinga yokwamukelwa kanye nokuzihlonipha , kuyilapho abesifazane bengafuna isivikelo esengeziwe kanye nokuqinisekiswa ebudlelwaneni babo nabantu abadala.

Lo mbono futhi usekelwe ngokukhululekile ku-Oedipus complex, ephakamisa ukuthi umfana omncane angaba nemizwa yokuncintisana noyise nokukhangwa unina. NgokukaFreud, uma le nkimbinkimbi ingabhekwana nayo ngokwanele phakathi nenkathi ethile yokukhula, ingane ingase igxile kumzali onobulili obuhlukile, okubuye kuholele ezindleleni zokunamathisela ezingavikelekile esikhathini esizayo.

Ithiyori yokunamathisela

Uma ucabangela indaba yezengqondo kababa, mhlawumbe indlela engcono nengabandlululi ngokobulili ingase iqondwe ngokubheka inkolelo-mbono yokunamathela . Le nkolelo-mbono, eyaphakanyiswa okokuqala yisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseBrithani uJohn Bowlby, ichaza ukuthi lapho ingane ibhekana nobuhlobo obubi nabanakekeli bayo abayinhloko, ihlakulela isitayela sokunamathela esingavikelekile esiholela ebuhlotsheni obunzima phakathi kwabantu kanye nobudlelwano phakathi kwabantu esikhathini esizayo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho ingane ithola ubuhlobo obuvikelekile nomnakekeli wayo oyinhloko, ikhula ibe nobudlelwano obunokwethenjelwa, obunempilo nobanelisayo. Labo abahlakulela isitayela sokunamathisela esingavikelekile ngokuyinhloko babonisa ukuziphatha okunamathelayo, benza izinto ezikude ngoba besaba ukulimala, banezinkinga zokuzibophezela, noma bangase bakhathazeke kakhulu ngokukhashelwa. Lapho abesifazane beveza lezi zinkinga zokunamathiselwe, ngokuvamile bathathwa njengezimpawu zezinkinga zobaba.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: I-Oedipus Complex: Incazelo, Izimpawu kanye Nokwelashwa

Izimpawu Zezinkinga Zobaba

Kukhona njalo izimpawu ezimbalwa zokuxoxa zanoma iyiphi inkinga. Owesifazane owake waba nezinkinga ngobaba kufanele abonise lezi zimpawu:

• Isibonakaliso sokuqala nesiphambili ukungakwazi kowesifazane ukugcina ubuhlobo obuzinzile. Ngokuvamile ugxuma esuka kwenye indoda aye kwenye ngenxa yezinkinga zokunamathela ezisukela ebuntwaneni bakhe
• Owesifazane unomkhuba wokuthanda amadoda amadala futhi njalo ewela amadoda ashadile futhi. Ukuphela kwalobu budlelwano kulimaza kakhulu, okuholela ekuqhubekeni kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo
• Ufuna ukunakwa nokubaluleka njengengane futhi empeleni unolaka embhedeni. Amadoda amaningi athanda lobu budlova futhi adinga ukunakwa ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwane, kodwa ngokushesha kuyakhathala.
• Ngokuvamile ufuna ukuqinisekiswa okwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni futhi angase abonise ukuziphatha okunamathelayo
• Angase ahileleke ekuziphatheni okuyingozi njengendlela yokuzuza izinga elifiselekayo lokunakwa nothando
• Angase athwale kanzima ukumisa imingcele ebuhlotsheni bothando nanoma yiluphi olunye uhlobo lobudlelwano
• Uzobonisa njalo amaphethini e-codependence kanye nomhawu owedlulele
• Izimpawu zezinkinga zikababa kowesifazane zihlanganisa ukwesaba ukuba yedwa kuze kube seqophelweni lapho ziheha ubudlelwano obunobuthi

Ingabe lezi zimpawu zezinkinga zikababa ziyahambisana nawe? Manje njengoba sesithinte amaphethini ayinkinga, ake sixoxe ngawo kabanzi. Kufanele siphendule umbuzo ohlupha ingqondo yakho: ingabe intombazane engithandana nayo inezinkinga zobaba? Kunezimpawu ezi-5 okufanele uzazi ngokuphelele; lungiselela ukuhlolwa okumbalwa okungokoqobo… amabhomu eqiniso asezokwehla!

5 Izimpawu Zezinkinga Zobaba Kwabesifazane

Abesifazane abanalezi zinkinga bavame ukuba nenkinga yokwazi ukuthi bafunani phakathi nasebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kwenzeka ngoba abakaze babe noyise eduze kwabo bekhula. Yayingekho imidlalo yokucasha kababa nendodakazi, isikhathi sokuhlangana e-KFC, noma isikhathi sokudlala epaki.

Bathi ubaba uluthando lokuqala lwentombazane. Kodwa kwenzekani uma kuba yinhliziyo ebuhlungu yokuqala? Lokhu kungabi bikho kukababa ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba kudala izinkinga endodakazini yakhe empilweni yayo yokuba mdala. Izizwa ingafaneleki ngokocansi, iba yintombi enamathelayo , ivame ukuba nolaka kakhulu, futhi izama ukulawula umlingani wayo.

Ukuqomisana intombazane nge daddy nezindaba kungaba nzima kakhulu kuzo zonke izici. Kodwa ukuqonda inkinga ekhona kuyisinyathelo sokuqala okufanele usithathe. Nazi izimpawu ezi-5 ezibonisa ukuthi owesifazane unezinkinga zikababa.

1. Izimpawu zezinkinga zikababa: Awukho umqondo wemingcele

Angisho nje ubudlova bocansi lapha; umuzwa wobuntu ungase ungabi khona nhlobo kwabesifazane abanjalo. Ungase ubone intombi yakho noma oshade naye bengagcini nje ngokulwela ukuthola indawo yakhe kodwa beqhubeka nokweqa imingcele yakho . Bangase bangazibeki imingcele nabathandi nabangani ngenxa yokuzenyeza.

Abesifazane abanezinkinga ezinjalo banamathele esigabeni sabo sobuntwana sokunamathela kumzali, befuna ukunakwa, indawo, nendawo yokuhlala. Njengomuntu omdala, ungase uqonde imibono yendawo yomuntu siqu kodwa akazi lutho ngezinto ezinjalo.

Eqinisweni, iningi lalaba besifazane bazizwa benecala ngokuzibekela noma yimiphi imingcele ngoba bezwa sengathi bacasula abalingani babo noma abangani. Emzamweni wokuqinisekisa ukuthi abantu ezimpilweni zabo ngeke babalahle, bavame ukungayinaki imingcele edingekayo bagcine sebesetshenziswa. Ngakho-ke, ukuthandana nentombazane enezinkinga zikababa ngokuvamile kungaba nzima ngenxa yezinkinga zabo zokunamathiselwe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuhlukunyezwa Kwezingane Ngabazali? Nakhu Okufanele Ukwenze

2. Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa

Njengoba ngishilo, izindaba zikababa azikona nje ukukhangwa indoda endala ukuze iphindaphinde ubudlelwano bobuntwana, kodwa futhi ikakhulukazi “ngokungabi khona kukababa”. Lokhu kungasho nokuthi ubaba wayekhona ngokomzimba kodwa wayengakaze atholakale ngokomzwelo noma wayengubaba ohlukumezayo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uthola intombi yakho noma oshade naye efuna ukunakwa nokuqinisekiswa ngenxa yobunzima bukayise.

Konke okusemhlabeni wakhe kunanoma yiluphi usizo futhi kuyazuzisa kuphela ngoba uyakwamukela. Ukugxekwa kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo kungathathwa njengomuntu siqu futhi lokho, ngendlela enamandla. Ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kulandelwa intukuthelo, ukukhala, kanye nolaka kangangokuthi kufanele ulungise isitatimende esibi owasenza ngaphambilini. Izimpawu zezinkinga zikababa zivame ukuzibonakalisa ezimpini ezimbi kanye nokuntuleka kwamakhono okuxazulula izingxabano.

3. IPsychology behind daddy issues: Umona okhubazayo

Umona ongapheli nokungazethembi kuyizimpawu zakudala zowesifazane okungenzeka ukuthi unezinkinga zikababa. Kungenzeka ukuthi akazange ashiye izwe lakhe lobuntwana ngemuva, lapho yonke into yayimayelana nokulwela ukunakwa nguyise owayenake kakhulu unina ngezikhathi ezithile. Lokho empeleni kuwumsuka “we-Electra Complex”.

Kungumona noma umona wengane yentombazane ngoyise encintisana nonina. Ngokusho kukaFreud, kuyingxenye ebalulekile yentuthuko yocansi. Ngeshwa abanye besifazane bazithola bebambeke kuleso sigaba. Ngokwengeziwe, bangenza impilo ibe nzima kubalingani babo lapho sebekhulile. Lezi zimpawu zezinkinga zikababa ziyisithiyo kuzo zonke izigaba zobudlelwano.

4. Ukwesaba ukungashadi kuphakathi kwezimpawu zezinkinga zikababa ezimbi kakhulu

Lokhu cishe kuyalutha ngoba ukungavikeleki okunjalo kungase kudonsele owesifazane ekuqomeni okulandelanayo, akhethe noma ubani ongena empilweni yakhe. Abakwazi ukusingatha ukuhlukana njengoba bekuthola kuyingozi futhi kulimaza. Bagxumela ebuhlotsheni obungebuhle baye kobunye ukuze bagweme noma yimiphi imizwelo engemihle efika ngokuhlukana.

Ezimweni eziningi, baqhubeka bebuyisana nomuntu ababethandana naye , baxhumane naye ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo ngaphandle kokuzizwa behloniphekile noma benokuzethemba. Ukwesaba ukuba abangashadile kungabaholela emjikelezweni wokulutha wokulahlekelwa umuzwa wabo wokuzibona, njengoba bekuthola kunzima kakhulu ukukhululeka lapho behlala nabo. Lokhu kuyisibonakaliso esivamile sezinkinga zikababa kowesifazane.

5. Ingabe ngempela ngithande? Ubaba ukhipha izimpawu

Njengoba yonke into emhlabeni wabo ishukunyiswa ukwesaba kanye nomuzwa ojulile wokusongelwa nokulahlekelwa, umcabango wokuthi umlingani wabo angase abashiye noma yiluphi usuku ngaphandle kwesixwayiso uyaphindaphinda futhi wesabekayo. Abesifazane abanezinkinga zobaba bayazi ukuthi kuzodingeka baphile bodwa, ngakho-ke, badinga ukuqinisekiswa njalo.

Njengezingane, vele sinovalo lokuthi sizofa abazali bethu bengekho. Ngisho nalapho uqala ukuya esikoleni, uyakhumbula uzwa umuzwa ojulile wokwesaba nokulahlekelwa ngokuhlukaniswa nomama noma ubaba. Kuthiwani uma bengezi ukuzokubona noma ukukulanda? Kuwumcabango okhubazayo futhi oqeda amandla. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, njengoba sikhula sibe abantu ababodwa, sikhululeka kakhulu ukuba sodwa.

Ngezinye izikhathi, emindenini engahlelekile kanye nemishado ehlukumezayo, ingane ihlala ibona ubudlova nolaka oluvela kuyise; ibanjwe ngaphakathi kokwesaba ukuthi "lokho" kungase kuphinde kwenzeke empilweni yayo. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi uyise wayengamthandi umama, owesifazane kufanele ahlale ethola uhlobo oluthile lokuqinisekiswa ukuthi umlingani wakhe ongubaba uyamthanda futhi ngeke amlahle.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Abantu Behlala Ebudlelwaneni Obuhlukumezayo?

Thatha Lesi Sivivinyo "Izinkinga Zobaba".

Uma izimpawu zenze ukuthi udwebe ukufana nowesifazane empilweni yakho, cishe uyazibuza ukuthi ingabe naye uhlushwa yizinkinga ezinjalo. Uma ipsychology nezimbangela esizibalulile ngenhla zisebenza kuye (okusho ukuthi, uma eye waba nobudlelwano obungebuhle nomnakekeli wakho oyinhloko), kungase kube kuhle ukumthola ukuthi ahlole izinkinga ezilandelayo zikababa ukuze ekugcineni athole ukucaciseleka okuthile mayelana namaphethini akhe nokuthi asuka kuphi:

1. Ingabe wawunobudlelwano obungebuhle nobaba wakho? Yebo Cha
2. Ingabe uyagxumela ebuhlotsheni uye ebuhlotsheni? Yebo Cha
3. Ingabe ukhathazekile ngokuthi umlingani wakho kanye/noma abangani bazokulahla? Yebo Cha
4. Ingabe ukuthola kunzima ukuzibophezela ngokugcwele ebuhlotsheni? Yebo Cha
5. Ingabe uvame ukukhangwa amadoda amadala? Yebo Cha
6. Ingabe uvame ukudinga ukuqinisekiswa nokuqinisekiswa okuningi ebudlelwaneni bakho bothando ngenxa yezinkinga zokwethembana? Yebo Cha
7. Ingabe unezinkinga ezingakaxazululwa nobaba wakho? Yebo Cha
8. Ingabe uyazabalaza ukubeka imingcele nabantu (isibonelo, ukungakwazi ukutshela abantu ukuthi awukhululekile ngokubathinta ngokomzimba)? Yebo Cha
9. Ingabe unovalo lokuba wedwa uze ubuyele ebudlelwaneni obaziyo ukuthi babungenampilo? Yebo Cha
10. Ingabe uhlushwa ukuzethemba okuphansi futhi uvame ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle kontanga/ozakwethu? Yebo Cha

Uma ephendula ngoyebo emibuzweni eminingi, cishe ubonisa zonke izimpawu zezinkinga zikababa kowesifazane. Ungase uzithole ususuka kobunye ubudlelwano obungaphumelelanga uye kobunye, ngaso sonke isikhathi ubambe ukukhathazeka ngobuhlobo okuvame ukukuhlula.

Ukujola Intombazane Nobaba Izinkinga: Okungenzeka Okuvelayo

Manje njengoba usuyazi kahle impendulo yombuzo othi, ziyini izindaba zikababa, ake sibheke izinkinga okungenzeka ubudlelwano bothando bubhekane nazo ngenxa yalezi zinkinga ezingaxazululiwe:

• Ubudlelwano bungase bube nokungakhulumisani okuningi nezingxabano ngaphandle kwanoma yisiphi isixazululo esibonakalayo
• Ukuziphatha okudingayo nokunamathela kungase kube yimbangela yokucasuka ebudlelwaneni
• Izinkinga zokuthembela ngokuvamile kungaholela ezimpini eziphindaphindiwe nasekuntuleni inhlonipho
• Noma yimuphi umzamo wokuzama ukulungisa izinkinga zokuxhumana ungase ubonakale njengokuhlasela
• Ukuzethemba okuphansi, umona, nezindaba zokungazethembi kuzodala ukungezwani nokulwa okuningi.
• Ubudlelwano benu bungase bube nokuphusha nokudonsa, futhi ningase nibuyelane ngemva kokuhlukana kabi
• Izinkinga zokuzibophezela zingase zisekele

Izimpawu zezinkinga zobaba kwabesifazane zivame ukubonakala ngokucacile ebudlelwaneni bothando. Uma izinkinga ezinjalo sezibonakala, umbuzo ube usuba ukuthi umuntu angabhekana kanjani nazo futhi alawule izinkinga.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zobudlelwano Eziyi-8 Ezibhekene Nemibhangqwana Enomehluko Omkhulu Weminyaka

Uzisingatha Kanjani Izinkinga Zobaba

Uchungechunge lobudlelwano obubi, ukuzihlanganisa okubi nawe, ukubuyela ezinkingeni ezinobuthi, ukuziphatha okulimazayo , kanye nezinkinga zokuthembana ezingapheli, kumane nje kuyimiphumela embalwa emibi owesifazane onezinkinga zikababa angase abhekane nayo. Uma usebudlelwaneni nowesifazane onenkinga yeminye noma yonke yale mikhuba engemihle, nansi indlela ongamsiza ngayo ukuba alulame:

• Vuma: Isinyathelo sokuqala sokulawula imiphumela emibi enjalo ukuvuma ukuthi lezi zinkinga zikhona. Owesifazane othandana naye/othandana naye naye udinga ukwamukela amaphethini akhe angenampilo ngalokho ayiko. Kubalulekile kuye ukuthi ahlole ukuthi kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi uzidala kabusha izinkinga zakhe zobuntwana nabalingani bakhe, futhi amukele ukuthi ushintsho luyadingeka.
• Funa ukwelashwa: Indlela ephumelela kakhulu yokunqanda izimpawu zezinkinga zikababa iwukufuna usizo kudokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo onelayisensi oqeqeshelwe ukubhekana nezinkinga zesitayela sokunamathiselwe futhi ongasiza ingane engaphakathi ukuthi ilulame. Ukwelashwa kungamsiza abone amaphethini angalungile, kumhlomise ngekhono elidingekayo nokuzivocavoca ukuze alawule izinkinga ezinjalo, futhi anciphise umthelela wazo ebuhlotsheni bakho.
• Zinike isikhathi: Uma eseqale ngokuqaphela uhambo lwakhe oluya ekuthuthukisweni, kubalulekile nobabili wena nomlingani wakho ukuthi izinkinga abhekene nazo ziwumphumela weminyaka eminingi yamathonya amabi, ngeke unethemba lokuhlehlisa ngokushesha. Yiba lula kuye futhi umkhuthaze ukuthi azinike isikhathi esifanele sokuphulukisa
• Gxila ezidingweni zakho: Ngenxa yokuthi usubonile ukuthi owesifazane wakho unezinkinga zikababa akusho ukuthi udinga ukugijimela emnyango wokuqala okhona ongawuthola. Kodwa-ke, uma naphezu kwakho konke ukusekela kwakho nokubekezela kwakho, wenqaba ukusebenzela ekuguquleni amaphethini akhe futhi izinkinga phakathi kwenu nobabili seziqala ukulimaza impilo yakho yengqondo kanye nokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo, ungazizwa unecala ngokugxila ezidingweni zakho.

Izinkinga zobaba zivame kakhulu kwabesifazane abaningi kunalokho esingakucabanga. Zivela emqondweni ojulile wokunganakwa ebuntwaneni. Abantu abaningi bavele banamandla ngemva kokulwa nokulimala kwabo okungaxazululwanga ekwelashweni. Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kungaba yinzuzo ebuhlotsheni bakho kanye nenhlalakahle yakho jikelele. Kwa-Bonobology, sinephaneli labelaphi nabeluleki abanelayisensi abangakusiza uhlaziye isimo sakho kangcono.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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