Izinto Ezingu-27 Ezifunwa Umfazi Ovuthiwe Ebudlelwaneni

Uma ucabanga ngegama elithi 'ukuvuthwa', ingabe ucabanga ngesikhumba esime kancane, imicu yezinwele ezimhlophe, nezingubo ezithulisiwe? Noma ingabe umbona ngeso lengqondo umuntu onesizotha eziphatha ngokufanele, kungakhathaliseki ubudala bakhe? Noma ngabe yikuphi, awunaphutha. Ukuhlaziya kwethu ukuthi yini owesifazane ovuthiwe ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni ikhuluma ngazo zombili lezi zinhlobo.

Owesifazane ongashadile ovuthiwe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uneminyaka ethile noma ovuthiwe nje enqubweni yakhe yokucabanga, angalindela ukuba indoda ivuthwe ngendlela efanayo. Yiqiniso, ubusuku bezinsuku nezimpawu zothando zingenza inhliziyo yowesifazane yeqe kunoma isiphi iminyaka noma isigaba sempilo kodwa abesifazane abavuthiwe bafuna okuthile okwengeziwe ngokuxhumana kwabo. Kulesi sihloko, sizokunikeza ngokuningiliziwe ukuthi yini abesifazane abavuthiwe abafuna ebuhlotsheni. 

Ubani Othathwa Njengowesifazane Ovuthiwe?

Ngaphambi kokuthi siqhubekele ekutheni kunjani ukuthandana nabesifazane abavuthiwe, ake sibheke umqondo wokuvuthwa bese sithola ukuthi owesifazane ovuthiwe unjani. Ukuvuthwa, ngokomthetho, kubhekisela ekukhuleni ngokugcwele, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi isimo sengqondo sabesifazane asebekhulile mayelana nokuthandana sasiqondiswe kakhulu ezidingweni zabo. Abesifazane bakhulume ngokuthi ukuzijabulisa kanye nobungane, kanye nokuzimela, kwakuyizinto ezibaluleke kakhulu lapho becabanga ngalokho abakufunayo.

Ngokuphambene nalokho, ucwaningo oluhlukile olwaxoxisana nabesifazane abaseminyakeni yabo yama-20 lukhombe izisusa ezahlukene kakhulu zokuthandana. Kwabesifazane abasebasha, izizathu zazigxile kakhulu komunye umuntu kunezidingo zabo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abesifazane abangu-8 kuphela kwabangu-45 abaseminyakeni yabo yama-20 babala ukuvuthwa njengesici esikhethwayo kubalingani babo.

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Yiziphi Izimpawu Zowesifazane Ovuthiwe?

Ngakho, ubani okufanele abhekwe njengowesifazane ovuthiwe? Futhi ingabe iminyaka idlala indima lapha? Nokho, kungakhathaliseki ubudala, owesifazane ongashadile ovuthiwe:

• Uyawazi amandla akhe nobuthakathaka bakhe 
• Ayilimazi omunye umuntu ngamabomu 
• Uyazi ukuthi unesibopho ngezenzo zakhe 
• Ushayelwa umgomo futhi unombono omuhle wokuthi yini ezothatha ukuze athole lokho akufunayo
• Uyawuhlonipha umehluko
• Akesabi ukuzinikela 
• Uzimele futhi uyazethemba ngalokho akufunayo ebudlelwaneni
• Uqonda ama-nuances obudlelwano obukhulu
• Uyawazi umehluko phakathi kokuyekethisa kuzimiso zakhe kanye nokwamukela abanye
• Unokuvuthwa ngokomzwelo okufanele uzivocavoce amasu okuxazulula izingxabano
• Akancikile komunye umuntu ukuze afeze amaphupho akhe 
• Uyazi ukuthi kufanele kube nokulinganisela okuhle phakathi kokuzimela nokuzibophezela ebuhlotsheni obunempilo

Kafushane nje, ngumuntu ongasoze adlale imidlalo yengqondo , owaziyo ukuthi angenza kanjani umsebenzi, futhi ongafaki ubudlelwano bakhe noma amathuba akhe engcupheni ngokusekelwe emizweni. Manje, ake sibheke ukuthi owesifazane ovuthiwe ufunani ebudlelwaneni.

Izinto Ezingu-27 Ezifunwa Abesifazane Abavuthiwe Ebudlelwaneni

Kunjani ukuthandana nabesifazane abavuthiwe? Umsebenzisi we-Reddit , obekade ethandana nowesifazane omdala, uthi, “Ngokolwazi lwami ukuthandana namantombazane angontanga yami kwakuvame ukuba nedrama, ukungaguquguquki, kanye nobugovu. Uma uzama ukuhlala phansi uqale impilo (ngaphandle kokuvusa izimfanelo ezishiwo ngaphambilini), khona-ke abesifazane asebekhulile ngempela. Sathenga indlu futhi saba nomndeni, futhi angikaze ngijabule kakhulu. Unganaki ukwesaba kwakho kokuqala bese ugxila ngobuqotho endleleni ozizwa ngayo phakathi kwamakhemikhali .”

Ngokusobala, abesifazane abavuthiwe banokuningi abangakunikeza futhi bacebise ubudlelwano babo. Kodwa yini abayifunayo? Yini edingekayo ukuze wakhe ubuhlobo obujabulisayo nobunempilo nowesifazane ovuthiwe ngokomzwelo? Sivumele ukuthi sikusize uqonde ngalokhu kwehla kwezinto ezingu-27 ezifunwa abesifazane abavuthiwe ebuhlotsheni:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezingu-20 Abesifazane Abazifunayo Kumadoda Abawathandayo

1. Ufuna ubudlelwano obungenawo umdlalo

Lokho abesifazane abavuthiwe abakufunayo ebudlelwaneni ukugwema idrama engadingekile. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ucela imingcele yobudlelwano enempilo . Uthembisa ukubahlonipha futhi ulindele ukuba balandelwe. Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi abesifazane asebekhulile babeshukunyiswa kakhulu ubungane nokuzijabulisa. Iningi labesifazane lalingenaso isifiso sokushada noma ukushada kabusha. Omunye umhlanganyeli, uPeggy, uthe, “Ngithandane nabafana abaningi abahle. Kumnandi. Kuhle ukuba nomuntu engiphuma naye.”

Isimo sengqondo sikaPeggy sikubeka ngendlela efanele. Okufunwa owesifazane ovuthiwe ebuhlotsheni ukuxhumana okungenadrama, noma kungebona ubudlelwano obunzima. Ngakho-ke, uma ungumuntu ozimisele ngokujabulisa owesifazane ovuthiwe, gcina lokhu okulandelayo engqondweni: 

• Abalona uhlobo oludlala imidlalo yemizwa futhi bazise ukwethembeka esikhundleni salokho
• Ngisho noma kuphakama ukungezwani, benza konke okusemandleni abo ukuze bakuxazulule ngaphandle kokuthatha amawala
• Benza isiqiniseko sokuthi bazisa omunye uzakwethu ukuthi yini abayifunayo, ukuze bagweme ukuxhumana kabi
• Bahle ekubhekaneni nokukhathazeka futhi abakhethi “ukukushanela ngaphansi kwengubo”

2. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna ukukhulumisana okuqotho, okuphumelelayo

Abesifazane abavuthiwe bayakwazi ukuveza imizwa yabo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owesifazane ovuthiwe uthandana nomfana omncane noma umuntu omdala kunaye, angakujabulela ukwethembeka mayelana nokulindela ukuqinisekisa ukuthi yena nomlingani wakhe basesimweni esifanayo. Nakhu ongakulindela:

• Angafuna ukuthandana nomuntu okwaziyo ukubona imizwa yakhe futhi ongakwazi ukuyikhuluma ngokuphumelelayo
• Angafuna umlingani angathululela kuye isifuba, ngezikhathi zokucindezeleka

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3. Ufuna isilaleli esihle sezingxoxo eziphusile

Owesifazane ovuthiwe uzobheka izingxoxo ezithakazelisayo. Eqinisweni, abesifazane abavuthiwe bafuna ukukwazi ukuxhumana nabalingani babo ezingeni elijulile ngokwabelana ngemicabango yabo kanye nemibono yomhlaba. Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ezikhombisa ukuvuthwa kowesifazane. Lezi zingxoxo zingabandakanya:

• Izinhloso zesikhathi esizayo
• Ama-anecdotes ebuntwaneni
• Izingxoxo zobuhlakani ezindabeni zamanje

Uma uthandana nowesifazane ovuthiwe futhi ufuna ukuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho naye, zama nje ukuba isilaleli esihle bese umbuza ngezinto azithandayo.

4. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna umuntu angamethemba

Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna ebudlelwaneni umlingani othembekile. Ufuna umuntu oneqolo lakhe. Umuntu owaziyo ukuthi kungakhathaliseki isimo sobudlelwane babo, bayiqembu. Nakhu okufunwa owesifazane ovuthiwe ebuhlotsheni ukuze akwazi ukwakha isisekelo esiqinile sokwethembana:

• Wayengeke abhekane nokukhohlisa
• Ngeke afune umuntu ongazethembi noma ongaqiniseki ngalokho akufunayo ebudlelwaneni (okugcina kuholela ekungavikelekeni nasekuthembekeni)
• Wayengeke athandane nomuntu ozama ukumenza isikhwele ngokukhuluma nabanye abantu besifazane
• Ngeke anelise izithembiso ezingenalutho noma izimvemvane nje esiswini sakhe
• Uzokwazisa umlingani owazi ukusungula thembela ebudlelwaneni futhi uyakwazi ukuyilondoloza

5. Isici esibalulekile sowesifazane ovuthiwe ukuthi ulangazelela ukwethembeka

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukunxenxa owesifazane ovuthiwe noma ukudlala ngombono wokuqomisana nabesifazane abavuthiwe, ukwethembeka umngane wakho omkhulu. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ngezinhloso zakho futhi ugweme:

• Ukukopela ngokomzwelo
• Ukungathembeki ngokomzimba
• Amanga amhlophe

Ukuthi umlingani wakhe akakwazi ukumtshela iqiniso kungaba ukungamhloniphi. Uma owesifazane osuke enaye ekuzonda uma uqamba amanga ukuze uphephise imizwa yakhe, lokho kungenye yezimpawu zomuntu wesifazane ovuthiwe ebudlelwaneni.

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6. Ufuna ubuhlobo obungahluleli

Esinye sezibonakaliso zokuvuthwa kowesifazane ukuthi ukhetha ubudlelwano obungenakwahlulela. Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sobudlelwano obuqinile , futhi ngeke kwakhiwe uma bobabili abalingani bengakwazi ukuveza imicabango yabo ejulile ngokukhululekile. Lokho owesifazane ovuthiwe akufunayo ebudlelwaneni indawo ephephile.

Uma uhlose ukujabulisa owesifazane ovuthiwe, sebenzela ekumenzeni abone ukuthi ukulungele ukumanga njengoba enjalo, ama-warts nakho konke, ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma ukugxekwa. 

7. Owesifazane ovuthiwe uthanda indoda enomusa nethobekile

Yini abesifazane abayibheka endodeni? Phela, indoda ethobekile ithandeka kakhulu kwabesifazane abavuthiwe. Phela, ukuthobeka kubonisa ukuthi:

• Indoda ayiyena uMnu. Know-It-All ozicabangela yena yedwa
• Angawamukela amaphutha akhe futhi athuthuke
• Uzimisele ukulalela imibono yabanye
• Angakwazi ukubeka izithakazelo zabanye ngaphambi kwezakhe

Ubuwazi ukuthi, i -Ideal Partner Survey , ukubambisana phakathi kweClue, i-University of Göttingen, kanye ne-MyONE Condoms, ixoxisane nabesifazane abangu-64,000 futhi yathola ukuthi u-90% wabo ulinganise umusa njengemfanelo efiseleka kakhulu kumuntu wesilisa? Abesifazane abangu-3,800 abaxoxiswe nabo kulolu cwaningo babeneminyaka engu-40 nangaphezulu. Ngakho-ke, kuphephile ukusho ukuthi izici ezimbili abesifazane abavuthiwe abazifunayo emadodeni umusa nokuthobeka.

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8. Cishe unombono ohlukahlukene wokusondelana ngokomzimba

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owesifazane ovuthiwe othandana nendoda encane noma endala kunaye, angathanda ukuthi ubudlelwano bugxile kokungaphezu nje kokukhangwa ngokocansi. Lokho abesifazane abavuthiwe abakufunayo ebudlelwaneni uhlobo olunezigaba eziningi lokusondelana ngokomzimba oluhlanganisa:

• Ukubamba izandla
• Ukubhucungwa okuvusa inkanuko
• Emuqabula ngokumangala
• Emhlikihla emhlane
• Embuka emehlweni ngesikhathi ekhuluma

9. Angafuna ezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana

Uma sicabanga ngokusondelana, sivame ukucabanga ngesici sako esingokwenyama. Kodwa kunezinye izici zokuba nobuhlobo obuseduze nomunye umuntu obalulekile. Ngakho-ke, abesifazane bafunani kumuntu wesilisa? Nokho, owesifazane ovuthiwe cishe angaba nesithakazelo ekukhuliseni izinhlobo ezahlukene zobuhlobo obuseduze —ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo, ngokomoya, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho. Ngamanye amazwi, owesifazane ovuthiwe angafuna:

• Hamba nomlingani wakhe
• Yabelanani okuhlangenwe nakho, njengokupheka ndawonye
• Iba nezingxoxo eziphusile
• Zibandakanye ezintweni ezivamile zokuzilibazisa

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10. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna indawo yokukhula

Isikhala sokukhula komuntu siqu yilokho owesifazane ovuthiwe akufunayo ebuhlotsheni. Ufuna umaqondana ongeke amvimbe:

• Ukuhlangana abangani
• Ukwenza ukuxhumana okusha
• Ukuxhumana emsebenzini
• Ukuhambela umsebenzi
• Ukuhlola izinketho ezintsha zemisebenzi hhayi wayeka umsebenzi wakhe ngenxa yomndeni wakhe

11. Ufuna umuntu ozokwengeza ukubaluleka empilweni yakhe

Lokhu kuzimisela ukuthuthukisa kuzenzakalele kowesifazane ovuthiwe. Uyazethemba futhi uvikelekile. Ngaleyo ndlela uzofuna umlingani ongakwazi ukwengeza ukubaluleka empilweni yakhe. Kungaba ifilosofi okufanele ixutshwe, ikhwalithi okufanele ilingiswe, noma into ejabulisayo ekufanele ibolekwe. Yilokhu okufunwa ngabesifazane abavuthiwe ebudlelwaneni.

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12. Ufuna umuntu ozokwazi ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zakhe

Wake wagxeka umlingani wakho ngenkinga encane, waze waqaphela kamuva ukuthi inkinga idalwe ukuphambuka okuvela kuwe? Ingabe waxolisa ngokumlimaza lapho uqaphela iphutha lezindlela zakho? Ukukwazi ukuzithwalela umthwalo wemfanelo kuyimfanelo eyisisekelo ebudlelwaneni obuvuthiwe. Akumangalisi ukuthi owesifazane osekhulile ufuna indoda evuma amaphutha ayo, ethatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zayo, ezibophezele ekuthuthukiseni, futhi elandela izithembiso ezenzayo.

13. Ufuna umaqondana angamhlonipha

Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyazi ukuthi uthando alunakuba khona ngaphandle kwenhlonipho. Luyimfanelo umuntu okungafanele ayekethise kuyo ebudlelwaneni. Lokho owesifazane omdala akufunayo ebudlelwaneni umlingani ofanelwe yinhlonipho yakhe. Owesifazane ovuthiwe cishe uzohlonipha umlingani wakhe ngenxa yalokhu:

• Ubuhlakani bakhe
• Ikhono lakhe lokumthanda ngokuzinikela
• Indlela aziphethe ngayo
• Uhambo lwakhe lwempilo
• Isimo sakhe sokupha
• Uthando lwakhe ngezilwane

14. Ufuna ukuzizwa ehlonishwa umlingani wakhe

Ukuzizwa uhlonishwa kuyisidingo esibalulekile ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni. Owesifazane, uma ehlonishwa ngumlingani wakhe, uphathwa njengolingana naye. Abesifazane abasebudlelwaneni obuvuthiwe bafuna ukuthi:

• Kwazise ukwahlulela nokuhlakanipha kwabo
• Funa imibono yabo
• Sazise isikhathi nomzamo wabo

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15. Umuntu wesifazane ovuthiwe akakulangazeleli ubudlelwano

Owesifazane ovuthiwe akavumeli isimo sakhe sokungashadi simchaze, yingakho engafisi ubudlelwano. Ngeke aneliseke nganoma ubani noma agijimele ebudlelwaneni ngenxa nje yokukhetha ibhokisi ohlwini lwemigomo yokuphila. Uzinika isikhathi sakhe sokwazi umuntu futhi ahlole ukuhambisana kwakhe nomlingani wakhe wesikhathi esizayo . Yingakho lokho owesifazane ovuthiwe akufunayo ebudlelwaneni kuwukulandelana kwesikhathi okuhlala njalo okuzwakala kushesha ngendlela efanele.

16. Ufuna umuntu ophila impilo yakhe

Owesifazane ovikela isikhathi sakhe nendawo yakhe siqu angakuthanda ngokwemvelo ukube umlingani wakhe naye ubephila impilo yakhe. Izintshisekelo zomuntu ngamunye, izinto aziphishekelayo, kanye nezindawo zokuxhumana nabantu kusiza ekudaleni indawo enempilo ebudlelwaneni, okuyinto owesifazane ovuthiwe ayazisa futhi ayazisa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, lokhu kuletha nokusha ebudlelwaneni, njengoba bobabili abalingani behlangana nezindaba ezintsha kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho abangakwabelana ngakho.

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17. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna umuntu onombono

Olunye lwezimpawu zowesifazane ovuthiwe ukuthi ufuna umlingani wakhe abone kude futhi angabi nomuntu onombono wesikhashana wesikhashana. Nakhu okudingeka ukukhumbule:

• Uma owesifazane ovuthiwe azi ukuthi unothile ongahlukanisa okubalulekile kokuncane, uzomhlonipha kakhulu umlingani wakhe. 
• Le mfanelo isiza ukuthi amethembe ukuthi enze izinqumo ezibalulekile egameni lakhe lapho kudingeka
• Ukuze ukwazi ukumkhombisa ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi yini ebalulekile ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kufanele ube nemigomo ecacile kanye nombono ofanayo wekusasa.

18. Ufuna indoda enemali

Ngokusho kwe -NCBI , izinkinga zezimali ziphakathi kwezizathu eziphambili zesehlukaniso. Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyaqonda kahle ukuthi izinkinga zezimali zingathinta kanjani ubudlelwano futhi ngeke afune ukutshala amandla akhe kumuntu ongahambisani nesimo sakhe sezezimali nemigomo yakhe.

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19 Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyayazisa indoda elondekile embhedeni

Amadoda anendlela yokuqapha ucansi kanye nenjabulo yocansi ayisiphazamiso esikhulu kwabesifazane abavuthiwe. Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna umlingani embhedeni, hhayi inkosi (ngaphandle kokuthi lokho kuyingxenye yesifiso socansi). Ukuqiniseka, ukusebenza, nokukhuluma ngezifiso zakhe kuyizimpawu zowesifazane ovuthiwe ebudlelwaneni. Owesifazane osekhulile ufuna ubudlelwano obuhle bocansi obuvela ekuzethembeni, ukwethembana okungenakunyakaziswa kumlingani, kanye nokukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembeka . Ufuna ukuba nendawo ephephile yokuxhumana ngezifiso, engenakho ukwahlulela.

20. Ufuna umuntu oqondayo ukuvuma

Uma ufisa ukuba sebudlelwaneni obuthembekile nowesifazane ovuthiwe, awukwazi ukunganaki indima yokuvuma . Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna,

• Umuntu ongaphoqi izifiso, izifiso, noma umzimba wakhe komunye umuntu
• Umuntu ongamkhohlisi noma ongamcindezeli ukuthi enze into angayifuni
• Ukuzizwa ephephile futhi ehlonishwa ebudlelwaneni bakhe

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21 Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyakwazisa ukuguquguquka

Umuntu wesifazane ovuthiwe uziphatha kanjani ebudlelwaneni? Uyavumelana nezimo. Ivulekele imibono emisha, iziphakamiso, kanye nemibono. Ngenxa yalokho, abantu abangazethembi nalabo abangabasekeli noma ababonisa ukuthambekela kwenkani abalona uhlobo lwakhe. Wayezigcina ekude nabantu abahlale befisa ukuthola indlela yabo noma bazibonakalise belungile. 

22. Ufuna ukwethembeka

Abesifazane abafuna ubudlelwano obuvuthiwe bayawazisa amadoda azibophezele ekuthembekeni. Ngakho-ke, khumbula lokhu lapho uthandana noma uphishekela owesifazane ovuthiwe:

• Ngisho noma engekho ebuhlotsheni obungathi sina, owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna othile oyihloniphayo imithetho eyisisekelo ebekwe yibo bobabili
• Uma owesifazane ovuthiwe ebona ukuthi umlingani wakhe akathembekile, ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana kuba umsebenzi okhuphukayo, futhi angase aqhubekele ezintweni ezingcono 
• Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyayazi imikhuba ecashile engase ibhekisele kumngane ongathembekile. Ngakho-ke, akudingekile ukuba kufinyelele eqophelweni lokukopela ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba ngaphambi kokuba abheke umuntu ongathembekile.

23. Umfazi omdala ufuna ubudlelwano babantu abalinganayo

Sekuyacaca manje ukuthi into efunwa ngumuntu wesifazane osekhulile ebudlelwaneni wukubambisana, esikhundleni semidlalo ebhedayo yokuthi ubani onesandla esiphezulu. Futhi ngobudlelwane babantu abalinganayo, usho ukuthi:

• Ukwazisa okuqotho nenhlonipho kuye
• Indoda yakhe ikwazisa ukwahlulela kwakhe
• Indoda yakhe ilungile kubantu nezinto ezibalulekile kuye

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24. Ufuna indoda yezwi layo

Abesifazane abavuthiwe bafuna amadoda anganamathela ezithembisweni zawo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi ufuna umuntu ongeke athathe i-U-turn uma izikhathi ziba nzima. Umngani wami u-Sabrina, onguthisha oneminyaka engu-40 ubudala, ubethandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-35 izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ngesonto elidlule, uSabrina wangibiza futhi wephuka. 

Uthe wayehlukane naye ngoba, nakuba ethi igebe leminyaka ebudlelwaneni lalingeyona inkinga kuye, wavele wakhathazeka ngekusasa labo ndawonye. “Wangiphambukisa, kodwa waphinde wabonakala ngemva kwesonto wathi uyaxolisa ngokuthi wayengenakukwazi ukuqhubeka ngenxa yegebe leminyaka,” kusho yena.

25. Ufuna umngane omesekayo

Into yokugcina owesifazane ovuthiwe ayidingayo indoda ezodelela izinqumo zakhe, imlulaze njengomholi wesizwe, noma imenze azizwe engumuntu ophansi. Ufuna umngane, umlingani wobugebengu, umuntu angakha impilo yakhe naye. Lokho owesifazane ovuthiwe akufunayo ebudlelwaneni yindoda ezoba umngane wakhe we-2 AM—uhlelo lokusekela olukhulisa ubudlelwano.

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26. Ufuna umuntu ongamfundisa amakhono amasha

Owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna umuntu ongavuselela ukuphila kwakhe, amfundise amakhono amasha, futhi anikele ekushisekeleni kwakhe ukuphila ngokugcwele. UJanice engangisebenza naye wayesecela eminyakeni engu-30 lapho ehlangana noPatrick, umhambi ohamba ngezinyawo oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala, futhi wangenela amakilasi okuqwala izintaba naye. Kamuva wangitshela, “Ngizizwa sengathi ngibuyile eminyakeni engu-20. Kumnandi ukufunda okuthile okusha.”

27. Ufuna umaqondana onozwela

Owesifazane ovuthiwe akadingi izingxabano ezingadingekile noma ubusuku obunzima. Akafuni ukulala ekhala ngezinkinga ezincane ezingaxazululwa ngokukhulumisana okuvulekile. Ufuna umlingani onozwela ebuhlotsheni bakhe —umuntu ozoqonda ukushintshashintsha kwemizwa yakhe, isimo sakhe sengqondo, kanye nokukhetha kwakhe impilo.

Mayelana nezindlela zokuba nozwela, umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthi, “…ungagxili ekuzameni ukulungisa inkinga wena noma ukubanika izimpendulo zezinkinga zabo, kunalokho…qala ukubuza imibuzo uzama ukubasiza ukuthi baxazulule kanjani inkinga yabo ngokwabo. Ngale ndlela kubenza bazizwe bethandwa, beqondwa, futhi bezwiwa kuyilapho nabo bengazizwa sengathi bayixazululile inkinga yabo noma bakwazile ukukuvezela inkinga.”

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Uma unikezwe ukuthi ubeke isikhathi nomzamo ekuqondeni ukuthi yini abesifazane abavuthiwe abayifunayo ebudlelwaneni, kuphephile ukucabanga ukuthi kukhona owesifazane onjalo empilweni yakho futhi unemizwa ngaye. Awuqinisekile ukuthi uzizwa ngendlela efanayo yini? Hhayi-ke, sivumele ukuthi sikusize ubhekane nale nkinga ngokuhlanganisa ngokushesha izimpawu zowesifazane ovuthiwe okhangwa nguwe.

Imicabango Final

Sithemba ukuthi usuyazi manje ukuthi owesifazane ovuthiwe ufuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu ovuthiwe. Ubona idrama engadingekile ekude futhi uyazi ukuthi ubuhlobo obuhle kufanele buzizwe bulula. Akesabi ukwenza umsebenzi wokukhulisa ubuhlobo bakhe. Ufuna umngane futhi ufuna ukukhula ebudlelwaneni.

Uma uzama inhlanhla yakho ngokuhlaba umxhwele owesifazane osekhulile, noma usuvele unenhlanhla ngokwanele yokuba uthandana nowesifazane ovuthiwe, mhlawumbe kufanele uzame futhi ufunde okwengeziwe ngalokho okwenza ubuhlobo obuvuthiwe bubeke uphawu. 

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