Ukuqala Ebudlelwaneni - Amathiphu ayi-11 Okwenza Kahle

Ngemva kwabo bonke ubuhlungu nobuhlungu, lapho ugqolozele inombolo yokuxhumana nowayekade ekhona ocingweni lwakho ngo-2 AM, ungase uqale ukuzwa ukuthi ukuqala kabusha ubuhlobo kungase kungabi umqondo omubi kakhulu. Uma ufika esiphethweni sokuthi ngeke ukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwalo muntu, cishe usuke ushaya inkinobho yokushaya ucingo ngokushesha. Kodwa ingabe uqinisekile ukuthi kuzoba ubudlelwano obunempilo kulokhu?

Masingashayi amahlathi, ukuqala kabusha ebudlelwaneni emva kokukhaphela noma ukuhlukumezeka kwenhliziyo kuthatha umsebenzi omningi. Akulula njengokuchofoza inkinobho yokusetha kabusha. Izimpi eziphindelelayo cishe zizoninqoba nobabili, futhi ngenxa yokuthi nithathe isinqumo sokuphinda niqhubeke, akusho ukuthi isiqalo esisha sizosebenza ngomlingo.

Yingakho ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isinyathelo, kubalulekile ukuphendula imibuzo embalwa ebalulekile. Uqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni? Kusho ukuthini kuwe? Uhlela kanjani ukwenza ubuhlobo bube ngcono? Silapha ukuzokusiza ubhekane namanzi adidayo okubuyisela lokho okwakukhona, ngokubonisana nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uShazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana kanye nokwehlukanisa.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuqala Kabusha Ebudlelwaneni? 

Kusho ukuthini ukuqala kabusha ebudlelwaneni? Empeleni, kusho ukunikeza ubudlelwano isiqalo esisha noma umlingani wangaphambili elinye ithuba. Kodwa-ke, empeleni, ukuthola incazelo ehlanzekile ye-slate ebudlelwaneni kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Nakuba ungase uzibuze ukuthi ungabubuyisela kanjani ubuhlobo bakho ngendlela obuyiyo ekuqaleni, udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi kungase kungenzeki ngokwangempela.

Phela, awukwazi ukukhohlwa ngokuphelele mayelana nesikhathi esedlule kanye nentukuthelo abakwenze yona. Lokho kuyosho ukuzibeka engozini yokuphinda wenze lawo maphutha afanayo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, impumelelo yokuqala kabusha nozakwethu wakudala ingancika ezintweni eziningi ezifana nezindaba ezikhungethe ubudlelwano benu okokuqala ngqa kanye nezizathu zokuthi kungani ufuna ukuvuselela ukuxhumana.

Isibonelo, uma ubuhlobo bakho babunobuthi obusongela impilo yakho yengqondo noma yomzimba, ukuzama ukuvuselela ubuhlobo cishe kuzoholela ezindabeni ezimbi kakhulu. Ngokufanayo, uma okulangazelelayo ukuphepha nenduduzo “yokuba sothandweni” hhayi umuntu owawuthandana naye, mhlawumbe uzizwa unesizungu futhi awufuni ngempela ukuqala kabusha.

Uma ufuna ukuqala kabusha ubudlelwano nomuntu othandana naye futhi ungakaze ukhulume naye eminyakeni embalwa, kubalulekile futhi ukuvuma ukuthi lowo muntu obumazi kungenzeka ukuthi akasekho. Mhlawumbe awusoze wakwazi ukubona ngaso linye kweminye yemibono eyaholela ekuhlukaneni kokuqala. Kalula nje, uma izibuko zakho ze-rose-tinted zikwenza ushaye indiva izikhathi ezinzima, uthathekile, hhayi othandweni.

Ngenhlanhla, kunezindlela zokubhekana nalokhu futhi uqiniseke ukuthi ulungisa izinto okwesibili nxazonke. Ngakho-ke, hlala nawe futhi ubuze, kusho ukuthini ukuqala kabusha ebudlelwaneni bakho? Bese, uqhubekela ekutheni ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa okufanele uzikhumbule:

• Kufanele uqiniseke ukuthi ukuyo ngezizathu ezifanele
• Shiya okulindele emnyango, futhi ungacabangi ukuthi lowo muntu uzoba yilokho abeyikho; mhlawumbe zishintshile ngezindlela ongeke wazicabanga
• Isimo esisha sobudlelwano bomuntu ofanayo kufanele siwufanele umzamo. Ngakho-ke, udinga ukuzibuza imibuzo enzima - Ingabe uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungabuyisela kanjani ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela obabuyiyo ekuqaleni? Futhi kungenzeka yini lokho? Uyasibona isikhala sokubuyisana? Noma ingabe uvumela ukuthatheka kwakho kukulawule?

“Le nqubo yokuzihlola izokusiza ukuthi ubone kahle ukuthi kuwumqondo omuhle yini noma cha.Kungaba iphilisi elibabayo ukuligwinya, kodwa ukwamukela okunempilo kuzokukhulula,” kusho uShazia.

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Ingabe Kulungile Ukuqala Ngaphansi Kobudlelwane?

Ukuvuselela othandweni lwangaphambili kungaba yisinqumo esinzima nesithinta imizwa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi senihlukene isikhashana noma isikhathi eside, umbuzo wokuthi kulungile yini ukuqala kabusha ubudlelwano udinga ukucatshangelwa ngokucophelela. Nazi izimo ezinhlanu lapho kungaba kuhle ukucabangela ukuqala kabusha ubudlelwano:

1. Ukukhula nobabili nokuzithuthukisa

Bobabili laba bantu baye bachitha isikhathi ngokuhlukana ukuze basebenze ekukhuleni komuntu siqu, babhekane nezinkinga eziholele ekuhlukaneni, futhi benze izinguquko ezinhle eziphawulekayo ezimpilweni zabo. Manje bazizwa bevuthiwe ngokomzwelo, bezethemba, futhi bekulungele ukuzibophezela kabusha ebudlelwaneni. Ngaphandle kwayo, incazelo ye-slate ehlanzekile ebudlelwaneni ayikwazi ukubamba kahle.

2. Ukwehlukana kwesikhashana ngenxa yezimo zempilo

Ukuhlukana kwenzeke ngenxa yezici zangaphandle njengezinkinga zobudlelwano obude noma izinkinga ezihlobene nomsebenzi. Uma lezo zimo sezishintshile, futhi bobabili abalingani besenemizwa enamandla ngomunye nomunye, kungaba nengqondo ukunikeza ubuhlobo elinye ithuba.

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3. Buvuselele ubungane

Ngemva kokuhlukana, lo mbhangqwana wahlala bengabangane futhi bagcina ukuxhumana okunempilo, okunobungane. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, baye baqaphela ukuthi basabelana ngesibopho esijulile ngokomzwelo futhi bangase bafune ukuhlola ubuhlobo bothando futhi.

4. Ukungaqondi okuxazulule

Ukuhlukana kwabangelwa ukungaqondani, ukungaxhumani kahle, noma izingxabano ezincane eziye zaxazululwa noma ezingaxazululwa ngempumelelo ngokukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembeka.

5. Izimo ezishintshile

Izinguquko ezinkulu zempilo zenze isikhala sobudlelwano empilweni yabo bobabili abalingani. Ngokwesibonelo, izithandwa zasekolishi ezahamba ngezindlela zazo ezihlukene zaphinde zaxhuma ngemva kweminyaka lapho bobabili bengaxhumene futhi betholakala ngokomzwelo. Bangase bafune ukunika ubuhlobo elinye ithuba uma imizwa yabo ngomunye nomunye ingakashintshi.

Kuzo zonke lezi zimo, isici esiyinhloko ukuthi bobabili abalingani bathuthuke ngempela futhi bazimisele ukwenza imizamo edingekayo ukuqinisekisa ubudlelwano obanelisayo nobunempilo obuqhubekela phambili. Ukuqala kabusha ezimweni ezinjalo kungaholela ekuxhumaneni okujulile nokuqinile phakathi kwabantu abathintekayo.

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Ungabuqala Kanjani Ubudlelwano - Amathiphu Awusizo ayi-11

Ngakho-ke, uqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni? Ebudlelwaneni obusha isimo somuntu ofanayo, ungase ufune ukubuyela ngokushesha ezinsukwini zakudala, ukwabelana ngezinga elifanayo lokunethezeka, ukusondelana, nokuzibophezela. Nokho, ukuqhubeka lapho ogcine khona kungase kungenzeki futhi kungabi nempilo. Uma izinto ezincane zibonakala zikubangela, amathiphu alandelayo awusizo namathuluzi amasha okuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni obubekwe u-Shazia azokusiza:

1. Ukuthuthukisa ukuhloniphana kuyisidingo

Yebo, ungase ucabange ukuthi niyahloniphana uma izinto zihamba kahle, kodwa izinga elithile lokungahloniphi kumelwe ukuba livele phakathi nalezo zimpi ezimbi. Izici zokuthuthukisa inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni zijule kakhulu kunendlela enikhuluma ngayo, futhi yindlela enicabangana ngayo ngomunye nomunye. Qonda lokhu ngaphambi kokucabanga ngokuqala kabusha.

“Yamukelanani ngendlela eniyiyo, ngaphandle kokufuna ukushintsha omunye umuntu.” Hlonipha ubuntu bomuntu othandana naye, izimfanelo, izici nemikhuba yakhe.Ukuthuthukisa ukuhloniphana mhlawumbe kubaluleke kakhulu lapho uzama ukuqala kabusha ebuhlotsheni obuphelile,” kusho uShazia.

2. Thola ukuthi yini eyadala izinkinga kwasekuqaleni 

Sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ufake izigqoko zakho zabaseshi futhi uthole phansi ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano buphahlazeka futhi basha okokuqala. Uma welapha umlenze ophukile ngokubopha ingalo yakho, imifantu izohlala ingapholi. Ngeke wazi ukuthi yini okudingeka uyilungise ngaphandle kokuthi uthole ukuthi kungani nobabili nilokhu nilwa futhi ninezinkinga. Ukuchitha isikhathi kulokhu kubalulekile.

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni lapho nihlala ndawonye noma kade nindawonye, ​​into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuchitha isikhathi uhlola inkinga. Mhlawumbe ufuna ukucabanga ngokuqala ubuhlobo njengabangane kuqala.

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3. Uma uqala kabusha ubudlelwano, makudlule 

Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Kusho ukuthini ukuqala kabusha ebudlelwaneni?”, lokhu kuyinto enkulu. Ukuthola imbangela yokuthi kungani kwaba nezinkinga epharadesi kuzokusiza nangokuthethelela. Impela, ukuthethelela umlingani wakho okhohlisayo noma umlingani okuphathe kabi akuyona into elula emhlabeni. Kodwa qonda ukuthi ukukukhuluma ngokuphindaphindiwe akusizi muntu. Ukukhumbula ukuyeka okwedlule kubalulekile kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela noma ukuhlukana okubi.

“Gcwaba okwedlule.Khohlwa ngakho, ukuyeke kudlule.Lapho ugxila kakhulu kodlule, kulapho uzochitha isikhathi esiyigugu uxoxa ngezinto okungafanele ukhulume ngazo.Gxila kulesi sikhathi, futhi ubhekane nezinkinga ezisazovela njengamanje,” kusho uShazia. Cha, akufanele futhi uyivalele imizwa yakho. Uma kukhona okukukhathazayo, cishe kudingeka ucabange ukuthi kungani kunjalo. Zibuze ukuthi kungani izingxabano ezidlule namaphutha zivezwa ebuhlotsheni bakho "obusha".

• Ingabe kubonisa ukungathembeki okuqhubekayo?
• Ngabe unenkinga yokufunda ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokukopela?

Uma kunjalo, manje usuyazi ukuthi yini okufanele usebenzele phezu kwayo ebuhlotsheni bakho obusha nomuntu ofanayo. Phela nobabili nivumelene ngokunikezana ithuba lesibili futhi lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ufunde ukwakha kabusha ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Ukwelashwa kwezithandani kungaba usizo olukhulu kulokhu.

4. Isikhala esincane sokuphefumula sizonisiza kakhulu nobabili

“Uma uzama ukuqala kabusha ebuhlotsheni obuphukile, udinga ukuba nomqondo oqondile. Uqala uhambo olusha ngokuphelele, ngakho-ke kungcono ukunikezana isikhathi nendawo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukujwayela isimo esisha noma udinga nje isikhathi sokuphumula kuso, isikhala sakho siqu singasiza,” kusho uShazia.

Ukuchitha isikhathi ungekho kuyisidingo esibalulekile uma ubheka ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni uma nihlala ndawonye. Phuma ebangeni lokudubula kancane, bese uchitha iviki elilodwa noma amabili wedwa. Uma ususesimweni esingcono somqondo, awuzukumthethisa umlingani wakho ngokushiya lelo thawula elimanzi embhedeni. Lena into eyodwa engahamba ibanga elide ekwelapheni ukuxhumana kwakho uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebuhlotsheni.

5. Ngenkathi uqala kabusha ubudlelwano, umusa uyimali yakho

Uma nike nakhuluma izinto ezimbalwa ofisa ukuthi anizisho, kuhlale kunendawo yokulungisa. Ukuboniswa okuncane okuncane kwezinto ezinhle kungase kungasho okuningi okwamanje, kodwa uma kuhlanganisa kakhulu, uzozizwa ujabule kakhulu nindawonye. Akukona konke ukuthi ungaba kanjani nomlingani wakho, nokho.

UShazia uchaza ukuthi ukuba nomusa kuwe kungaba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza ngenkathi uzama ukuqala kabusha ebuhlotsheni obuphukile . “Yiba nomusa nobubele kuwe, komunye nomunye, kanye nasebuhlotsheni. Umuntu ongajabuli futhi onganelisekile ngaye ngokwakhe akasoze ajabulisa abanye. Ngaphandle kokuthi uzinakekele, ngeke ube sesimweni sokuba nomusa kulabo abakuzungezile.”

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6. Lungisa ukuguquguquka kwamandla

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyazi noma cha, ngokuvamile singena ezindimeni ezithile ebudlelwaneni bethu. Omunye angase enze njengesisulu, kanti omunye angase athathe indima yomshushisi. Ikakhulukazi ku-dynamics lapho umuntu ehlala ezizwa engavumelekile futhi ebukeleka phansi, kungase kube nokuguquguquka kwamandla okulimaza kakhulu okudlalwayo. Kulula ngokumangazayo ukuthi abantu ababili abaseduze ngale ndlela bawele emaphethini afanayo bengazi.

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha ebudlelwaneni, imibono efana nonxantathu wobudlelwano ingakusiza ukuthola ukuthi ubani odlala indima ethile ngokungaqondile ku-dynamic yakho. Uma eyakho ingezwakali njengokuhlangana kwabantu abalinganayo, ukuqala kabusha ubuhlobo kuba nzima kakhulu.

Mhlawumbe indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nalokhu kungaba ukuzijayeza ukuxhumana okunempilo nokwethembeka nomlingani wakho. Ungaphinde ufune usizo kumelaphi noma uchwepheshe wobudlelwano ukuze uthole ukuthi ungagqashula kanjani emaphethini amadala bese ufaka anempilo.

7. Misa imingcele emisha 

“Kusukela ngomzuzu onquma ngawo ukuqala izinto kabusha, qiniseka ukuthi udala imingcele enempilo ezungeze wena kanye nobudlelwano. Imingcele ibalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuthi unobudlelwano obanelisayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi,” kusho uShazia.

Imingcele ingaba lula njengokuhlonipha indawo yomunye nomunye futhi ikusize uzuze futhi ugcine ubuntu bakho. Ikakhulukazi uma uqala ubudlelwano njengabangani ngenhloso yokuvuselela ubudlelwano bothando phansi komgwaqo, ukumisa imingcele ecacile kanye nezilindelo ezicacile kusukela lapho uya khona kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi nobabili nisekhasini elilodwa. Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezinhle ngokuqala kabusha futhi kuzokusiza uthuthukise ukuxhumana.

8. Uzwela luyoba umehluko

Uma uqala kabusha ne-ex yakho futhi uke walimala esikhathini esidlule, cishe awucabangi ngalokho owake wabhekana nakho. Kodwa uma uzama ukubona olunye uhlangothi isikhashana, umbono omusha ngokuphelele ungase uziveze kuwe.

“Qondani imibono yomunye nomunye, futhi okuwukuphela kwendlela yokwenza lokho ukuba nozwela ebuhlotsheni benu . Qondani isimo somlingani wakho, hloniphani imibono yakhe, futhi nibe nokukhulumisana okucacile nokuvulekile,” kusho uShazia. Lokhu kubalulekile ekutholeni indlela yokwakha kabusha uxhumano ebudlelwaneni.

9. Gxumela phakathi ngezinyawo zombili

“Uma ususothandweni olusha uhlobo lwesimo somuntu ofana nalo, kuwuphawu lokuthi ukholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi kukhona okufanele ukulungise kulobu budlelwano.Kuwuphawu lokuthi nihlose ukuba ndawonye. Qinisekisa ukuthi ukubeka phambili lokho. Kunokuba ulindele lukhulu kumuntu wakho, cabanga ngengxenye yakho neqhaza lakho kukho. Cabanga ngokuhle kakhulu onganikela ngakho, hhayi lokho ongakuthola,” kusho uShazia.

Vumela izenzo zakho zibonise ukuthi uzibophezele ekwenzeni umzamo ebudlelwaneni bakho . Lapho umlingani wakho ebona ukuthi uzibophezele ekwenzeni lobu budlelwano busebenze ngomzamo owenzayo, kulapho naye ezozizwa ephephile khona. Lokhu kuyinto ephuthelwa kalula kodwa ewusizo kakhulu ekufundeni ukuthi ungaqala kanjani kabusha nomuntu omthandayo. Isikhathi esincane esisezingeni eliphezulu singahamba ibanga elide.

10. Zijwayeze ukuxhumana ngempumelelo

Ukukhulumisana okucacile nokuvulekile kuyisisekelo sanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo kodwa ikakhulukazi uma ufunda ukuqala kabusha nomuntu omthandayo. Uma uqala kabusha, kubalulekile ukwakha indawo ephephile nengenakwahlulela yabalingani bobabili yokuveza imizwa yabo kanye nokukhathazeka kwabo.

Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kubalulekile ngokufanayo; kuyasiza ekuqondeni izidingo kanye nemibono yomunye nomunye. Ukwengeza, cabanga ukubeka eceleni isikhathi esizinikezele sokungena njalo ukuze uxoxe ngokuthi ubudlelwano buqhubeka kanjani nokuthi ngabe kukhona yini ukulungisa noma ukuthuthukiswa okudingekayo. Lokhu kuyisihluthulelo ekutholeni ukuthi ungakha kanjani kabusha ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni.

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11. Yamukela ushintsho nokuzivumelanisa nezimo

Ukuze uqalise kabusha ubudlelwano ngempumelelo, kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuthi ushintsho luyingxenye yokukhula nokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Yamukela umqondo wokuthi ubudlelwano bungase buguquke bube into ehlukile kulokho obuyikho esikhathini esidlule. Zivumelanise nezimo futhi uvule ulwazi olusha, izinselele, namathuba.

Yamukela ukuthi njengabantu ngabanye, wena nophathina wakho ningashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, futhi lokho kuyinto evamile. Ukuvumelana nezimo nokuzimisela ukuzivumelanisa nezimo kungasiza ubuhlobo bakho obuvuselelwe buchume futhi buchume.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uqala phansi nomngane wakho womshado noma unqume ukuba umngane nomuntu othile, amathiphu esikubhalele wona namuhla azokusiza nakanjani. Kungaba nzima ekuqaleni uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqala kanjani ngesileti esihlanzekile ebuhlotsheni. Kodwa inhloso efanele nendlela efanele izokubeka endleleni efanele futhi ngokuzijwayeza, izinto kufanele zikusebenzele. Inikeze isithombe sakho esihle kakhulu futhi usebenze ekudaleni amaphethini amasha nezinkumbulo. Uma namanje kungasebenzi, ungakhathazeki. Okungenani uzame futhi yilokho okubalulekile.

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