Ubudlelwano kufanele buzizwe bulula. Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi, abulula. Njengezinye izinto ezinhle, kufanele usebenze kanzima ukuze uthole okufunayo. Lapho yonke ingxoxo iphenduka impikiswano futhi ningasakwazi ukuba ndawonye egumbini elifanayo, cishe ngeke nikholwe uma singakutshela ukuthi kungalungiswa kakhulu. Kunezinto ezi-5 ezenza ubuhlobo busebenze futhi silapha ukuzokutshela ukuthi ziyini.
Izinto esizibhekayo nesizifunayo ebudlelwaneni ziyashintsha njengoba senza. Njengentsha, ukukwazi ukukhiya umnyango wakho wekamelo yikho nje okufunayo. Njengabantu abadala abasebasha, nilangazelela umlingani “ophelele,” futhi njengabantu abadala, enikucelayo nje ngumuntu ongakucasulayo ngokuhlafuna kwakhe phezulu.
Kodwa izinto ezi-5 ezenza ubudlelwano busebenze zihlala zingashintshile kuzo zonke lezo zigaba. Ingabe idinga i-voodoo? Ubuciko bobumnyama? Imali eningi? Cha, akunjalo (yize imali ingasiza). Amakhono obudlelwano esikhuluma ngawo alula kakhulu; ake sibone ukuthi siphetheni.
Izinto Ezi-5 Ezenza Ubudlelwano Basebenze
Okuqukethwe
Uma sicabanga ukuthi uthando olunihlanganise nobabili, ngeke sifake lesi sici esibalulekile ohlwini lwethu. Noma kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuqaphela umehluko phakathi kothando nokuthatheka ngoba ubuhlobo obusekelwe emuzweni wokuthatheka buzophela ngokushesha noma kamuva.
Futhi uma ucabanga ukuthi imali yiyona eyenza ubudlelwano buhlale isikhathi eside, qhubeka ubheke ukuthi uJeff Bezos noDonald Trump banjani. Uzothola ukuthi izinkinga zemali zingalimaza ubudlelwano bakho , kodwa ukuchitha imali akuqinisekisi ukuthi uthando lwakho luhlale luqinile. Eqinisweni, okwenza ubudlelwano busebenze ngokuvamile yizinto ezilula kakhulu zokugcina ubudlelwano obuhle nabantu; bazizwa benamandla kakhulu njengoba kunezinto eziningi ezisengozini.
Cha, ngeke kudingeke uyeke ukukhuluma nabo bonke abangani bakho ukuze wakhe ubuhlobo obuhle nomlingani wakho. Futhi cha, ukuthi nina nogwaja ababili nihlala nisekamelweni akusho ukuthi nihloselwe omunye nomunye.
Izinto ezibaluleke kakhulu zokwenza ubudlelwano busebenze zizokusiza ukuthi usuke kokuthi “Kuyafana!” esikrinini efonini yakho ukuze uhlangane nabazali bomlingani wakho. Mhlawumbe okuwukuphela kwenkinga ozoba nayo ngemva kokufunda lesi sihloko ukuthola ukuthi yini ongayisho kubakhwenyana lapho uhlangana nabo (ngeshwa, ungakhuluma kuphela ngesimo sezulu kanye nomdlalo we-Mets kanye).
Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi akukuthathi ubudlelwano obunobuthi abambalwa ukuze ukuthole (siqinisekile ukuthi sifisa sengathi ngabe sihlangabezane nalesi sihloko ngaphambili), asiqhubeke sifunde futhi sifunde ngezinto ezi-5 ezenza ubudlelwano busebenze.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Angu-9 Okukhulisa Ubuhlobo Nsuku Zonke
1. Ukuxhumana kuyokukhulula
Cabanga ngalokhu: nihlezi nindawonye, nixoxa ngokuthile, futhi kungazelelwe omunye wenu aqale aziphathe kahle...ngokumangalisayo. "Kwenzenjani?" ungase ubuze. “Lutho. Ngeke ukuthole.” Eminye imizuliswano embalwa yalokhu futhi maduze nje, osele nayo wukuqagela, futhi lokho ngokuvamile akupheli kahle.
Lokho empeleni kuwukubonakaliswa kwezinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni. Ngokuvamile yizona ezibangela ukushabalala kobudlelwano obuningi obubonayo eduze kwakho. Uma nje uqiniseka ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho niyakwazi ukuxhumana ngempumelelo, bheka izindlela zokuxhumana ezingasebenzi kahle ngokusho kwe -Psychology Today :
- Ukuxhumana okungenawo ulaka: “Akunalutho. Khohlwa”
- Ukuklabalasa: iphimbo elinzima, ukuklabalasa okufanayo
- I-Hysterics: i-overdramatization yemizwa
- Ukubhodlela phezulu: ukubamba ukuveza ukunganeliseki kuze kube yilapho sezilungele ukuqhuma
- I-Stonewalling: akukho ukuxhumana nhlobo, aka, ukuphathwa buthule
- Ukuxhumana ngokukhathazeka: lapho izingxoxo eziyinselele zibangela iziqephu ezikhathazayo, zenza ingxoxo ibe yize
Kuzwakala ujwayelekile? Siyazi, siyazi, ukuzama ukuba umuntu omkhulu nokubeka iphuzu lakho endaweni ezolile kubonakala kungenakwenzeka uma ungakwazi ukuyeka ukulwa. Kodwa ezintweni ezi-5 ezenza ubudlelwano busebenze, ukuxhumana cishe yikona okubaluleke kakhulu.
Izifundo nezincwadi eziningi ziqokomisa ukubaluleka kokuxhumana okunempilo emshadweni. Esikhundleni sokufunda ukuphila nezinkinga ezihlala zivaliwe imibhangqwana echitha isikhathi, sebenza ekuxazululeni izingxabano ngokuxhumana.
2. Alukho uthando ngaphandle kokuhloniphana
Manje njengoba usubonile ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho, ungase ube nesisusa esisha sokulungisa izindlela zakho zokungenzi lutho. Kodwa uma kukhona ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho ekuguquguqukeni kwakho, ukubuyela emuva naphambili okwakhayo akusoze kwenzeka.
Cabanga ngakho, lapho umlingani wakho engenandaba kangako nombono wakho, ingxoxo iyogcina ingenamsebenzi. Ukwenza ubuhlobo buholele emshadweni, ukuqinisekisa imibono yomlingani wakho kungenza umehluko.
Encwadini yakhe ethi, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , uDkt. Gottman uthi, “Uma indoda ingazimisele ukwabelana ngamandla nomlingani wayo, kunethuba elingamaphesenti angu-81 lokuthi umshado wayo uzozibhubhisa.”
Uma kungekho nhlonipho ebudlelwaneni benu , ungase uzizwe ungazwakali, unganakwa, futhi udelelwa. Ngokuphambene nalokho, okwenza ubuhlobo busebenze ukunakwa, ukuqinisekiswa, kanye nokuthanda.
3. Ukwethembana yikho okwenza ubuhlobo buhlale
Ukuthembela kumlingani wakho kungaba umehluko phakathi kokuhamba kancane ekamelweni lakho, ukukhathazeka ngomlingani wakho okhohlisayo ngoba nje engazange aphendule ucingo lwakhe ihora elilodwa ebusuku.
Ukungamethembi kuyohlale kukushiya ukhathazekile ngokungathembeki. Zonke izinqumo ziyabuzwa futhi ngokuvamile zisho ukuntula inhlonipho okukhulu. Uma uqiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho akanayo isithakazelo sakho esingcono kakhulu engqondweni, nakanjani uzothuka lapho umngane womlingani wakho uJohn emgona imizuzwana embalwa.
Ngokuvumelana ngombono owabiwe wesikhathi esizayo futhi ukholelwe kuwo, nakanjani nizothembana kakhulu. Ngakho-ke kuzoba ipulazi emaphandleni noma indawo yokuhlala e-NYC, iminyaka engama-20 phansi komugqa? Ukukhuluma ngamathemba namaphupho esikhathi esizayo, ukuzinza ngekusasa, ukwenza izinhlelo...lokhu kubalulekile ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle nomlingani wakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ayisi-9 Aphezulu Okwakha Ukwethembana Ebudlelwaneni
4. Gcobani komunye nomunye, hhayi kude
Okusho ukuthi, ukweseka nokusungula ukusondelana kungaba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze. Ingabe umlingani wakho ungumuntu wokuqala omshayelayo uma kukhona okungahambi kahle? Ingabe umlingani wakho umngane wakho omkhulu? Ungakwazi yini ukubatshela noma yini esemqondweni wakho?
Uma izimpendulo zaleyo mibuzo zingavumi, ungase ungabi nobudlelwano obungokomzwelo nomlingani wakho. Ukuba khona komunye nomunye, ukuba onakekelayo nonakekelayo, nokwazi nje ukuthi ungatshela umlingani wakho noma yini konke kuyikhono lobudlelwano esilidingayo.
Uthando alukuvezi ukuthi uvale amazithi ebusweni bakho uma umlingani wakho eza. Uthando yilapho nikwazi ukukhiphelana isifuba ngokukhululeka. Ngokwazi ngempela ukuthi uzakwenu uwubuka kanjani umhlaba, uzokwazi futhi ukuthola indawo yakho emhlabeni unaphakade.
"Abanye abantu bashiya umshado ngokoqobo, ngokwedivosa. Abanye bakwenza ngokuphila ukuphila okufanayo ndawonye", uJohn Gottman. Kwezinye izimo, i-humdrum yempilo ingase igcine iyisizathu sokuthi kungani uqhelelene.
Kodwa ukuxhuma kabusha yisikhathi esithile sekhwalithi nezingxoxo ezithandekayo eziseduze. Uma umlingani wakho ethatha into entsha yokuzilibazisa, ukubonisa isithakazelo kuyo kungaba indlela elula yokuqinisekisa ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ubani umlingani wakho.
5. Isikhala somuntu siqu kanye nemingcele kuzokusondeza eduze
Impela, sishilo ukuthi ukuphila okuhambisanayo okuholayo ndawonye kungaqeda kanjani amandla akho, kodwa indawo encane yomuntu siqu ayilingani ngempela “nokuphila okuhambisanayo okuhamba phambili ndawonye.” Kulula njengokuchitha impelasonto ungekho, ukuba nesikhathi uwedwa, noma kungaba nzima njengokuthatha uhambo olulodwa.
Ohlwini lwezinto ezi-5 ezenza ubuhlobo busebenze, cishe ubungeke ulindele ukuthi kube nemingcele ephelele. Leli gama lingase lihunyushwe kabi, yingakho imingcele enempilo kufanele ixoxwe futhi ingabekwa etsheni.
Igama elingukhiye lapha lithi “ukuphila kahle,” okusho ukuthi awukwazi ukulindela ukuthi umlingani wakho aphatheke kahle uma uya ku-AWOL isonto lonke. Into ebaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bowesifazane mhlawumbe ukungaboshelwa ukulinganiselwa kwe-patriarchy. Ukukwazi ukuzithola ungaphandle kobudlelwane kuyisidingo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungawasebenzisa Kanjani Amagama Okuqinisekisa Njengolimi Lothando?
Ukuba nothile kuhlanganisa okungaphezu nje “kokuboleka” ama-hoodies akhe kanye nokokuthambisa kwakhe. Ihlanganisa okungaphezu kobulili obuhle nokuba nezinto ezimbalwa ezifanayo. Kufanele ifake lezi zinto ezi-5 ezenza ubudlelwano busebenze futhi yilapho uzobona khona ukuthi unenyunyana ngokungafani nezinye.
Manje njengoba uyazi ukuthi yini eyenza ubudlelwano buqhubeke, ngethemba, uzoba isinyathelo esisodwa eduze nokuzuza isibopho esinelisa kakhulu. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, kufanele ubuyisele ama-hoodies akhe nezindebe zakhe zomlomo.
Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuhambisana Kobudlelwano Phakathi Kwakho Nomlingani Wakho
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
