15 Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakatutuki I Te Whakapā Mai I Tō Hoa O Mua

I ēnei rā, ehara i te mea uaua ki te whai i ō hoa o mua, ahakoa kāore kōrua i whakapā atu. Ā, mā te kitenga i tā rātou pakiwaitara Instagram me te kite i a rātou e pupuri ringa ana ki tā rātou hoa hou ka tino ohorere koe. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka whakamāramahia e mātou te take o ēnei kare ā-roto, me pēhea hoki te whakatau i te wā e piri tahi ana tō hoa o mua me tētahi atu.

Kei te mahara koe ki te kīanga whakakatakata i roto i te pukapuka Bridget Jones's Diary? "Kaua rawa ngā hoa o mua e haere tahi, e marena rānei ki ētahi atu, engari me noho takakau tonu tae noa ki te mutunga o ō rātou rā kia taea ai e koe te whai wāhi atu ki te hinengaro." Me i pērā te āhua! Engari he rerekē ngā mahere o te ao tūturu, ā, ko te kitenga i tō hoa o mua me tētahi hoa hou ka whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto. Ko te rongo pai? He huarahi hauora hei whakatere i tēnei āhuatanga.

Kia mārama tātou me pēhea te whakatau i te whanaungatanga o tō hoa o mua ki tētahi, mā te whakamahi i ngā whakaaro mai i ngā tohunga hinengaro. Kavita Panyam (He Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro, he hononga ā-ao ki te American Psychological Association), kua neke atu i te rua tekau tau e āwhina ana i ngā tāngata ki te whakaoti i ā rātou raruraru whanaungatanga.

He aha te uaua ki te kite i te neke atu o tō hoa o mua?

Tuatahi, e whakaae ana tātou katoa he tino uaua ki te kite i te neke atu o tō hoa o mua mō ngā take maha. He tangata tēnei i whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ai koe mō ngā momo whanaungatanga rerekē. He aha ngā mea kāore koe e mōhio ana mō rātou? Ā rātou tikanga kai, ā rātou mahi o ia rā, ā rātou moemoeā me ā rātou wawata, te whānau me ngā hoa, me te maha atu. He mea maori te miharo ki te whakaaro ka tohaina e rātou ēnei mea katoa ki tētahi hoa wahine hou. Ae, kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakatau i te wā e piri tahi ana tō hoa o mua me tētahi tangata hou.

He mea mārama hoki te hae ki tētahi wāhi. Heoi anō, ki te kore koe e whakaipoipo ana i tētahi. Ka whakaaro koe me pēhea te kitenga o tō hoa o mua i tētahi atu i mua i a koe. Ko te mōhio wawe, "Kua kitea e taku hoa o mua tētahi atu engari kāore au i kite", ehara i te mea ngāwari ki te whakaae atu. He ahua kuware, engari he pono mō te tini o te tangata. Mēnā koinei te āhua, kaua e ngakaukore. Ko te mea nui ake, kaua e whakaaro nui rawa. Ka kitea e koe he hoa i tō ake tere.

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He tūponotanga kino (e tino mōhio ana ahau kua whakaarohia e koe), kei te mau tonu koe aroha ki tō hoa o muaI wehe kōrua ara, engari i reira te tumanako mō te houhanga rongo. Tērā pea nā ō kōrua āhuatanga i wehe ai kōrua, ehara i te mea nā ngā take whaiaro. Inaianei kua tino mamae koe nā te mea kua neke atu rātou, ā, kua wareware atu ki a koe. Tērā pea kei te rapu tonu koe i ngā tohu kei roto tō hoa o mua i te whanaungatanga hou, ā, kei te rapu puku koe i te Google, "Ka hoki mai anō ngā hoa o mua i muri i te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu?" 

E whakamārama ana a Kavita, "Kei tō momo piripono anō hoki. Mena he piripono haumaru tōu, kāti ka taea e koe te whakahaere i ngā wehenga i runga i te huarahi pakeke; ka taea e koe te tuku i te tangata kia tuku i a koe. Mēnā he piripono karo, kāore koe e tino hono ana ki ngā kare ā-roto i te tuatahi. Engari ki te mea he momo piripono taupatupatu tōu, kāti." tukua ana e kore e tino ngāwari ki a koe. Ā, i roto i te momo āhua koretake, ka pōhēhē koe mēnā e hiahia ana koe ki a rātou, kāore rānei.”

Ahakoa te take, me kimi e koe he ara hei neke whakamua. Ehara i te ara ngāwari ki te hikoi, ā, tera pea ka pā mai ētahi arai ki a koe. Engari kia anga whakamua tātou ki te wero, kia kitea ai me pēhea te wikitoria i te noho tahi a tō hoa o mua me tētahi atu.

15 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakahaere i tō Whakapā ki tētahi Atu

Tērā pea kei te raru koe i te tini o ngā kare ā-roto me te tini o ngā pātai i tēnei wā. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kite i tētahi hoa o mua e tīmata hou ana, inā koa mēnā kei te takakau tonu koe. He tino ngāwari te matapae i tō whakaaro, "Mēnā kei te piripono taku hoa o mua ki tētahi atu, kua mutu kē māua? Kāore rānei he wāhi mōku?"

Kia tūpato ki ēnei pātai e pātaihia ana e koe; ka whakatuwhera noa i ngā tatau kia pai ake ai te noho kati. Me i ngaro koe i a rātou, kua kore rātou e neke atu. Engari e mōhio ana mātou kāore e taea e koe te mutu te whakaaro, "He hoa wahine/hoa tāne hou tā taku hoa o mua, ā, he mamae." Kua pā katoa tātou ki taua ara. Kāore he mea e mamae ake ana i te kitenga i tō neke atu i mua kei mua i a koe. Mā tēnei āhuatanga ka tino ngoikore koe. Anei ētahi tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i te hoa o mua e piri tahi ana me tētahi atu:

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1. Kaua e whakapae i a koe anō ina he hoa hou tō hoa o mua

Ko te kare ā-roto tuatahi ka tūtaki koe ina neke atu tō hoa o mua ko te aroha ki a koe anō. Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro he hē koe, ā, ka whakapae koe i a koe anō mō ​​te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Kei te e pa ana ki te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga me te ngana ki te mārama ki ngā mea. Engari ehara tēnei i te korenga o tōu ake taha, ehara rānei i te hapa whaiaro i tētahi āhua. He wāhanga nui o te ao ngā wehenga. Kaua e whakapae (e waiho rānei hei patunga) i a koe anō.

2. Whakaaetia te huarahi o ngā kaupapa

Tērā pea ka whakaaro tonu koe he hapa tō wehenga, engari nā te mea kāore koe i tumanako ka tere te neke atu o rāua. Kia maumahara ki ngā raruraru katoa o tō whanaungatanga me te take kāore koe i te pai mō rāua.

E mea ana a Kavita, "Whakaaetia te wehenga, kia mārama hoki kāore he mea hei tumanako atu; kāore e taea e koe te whakaara anō i tō hononga, ā, kaua hoki e WHAKAARO kia whakaarahia anō. Kua tutuki i te whanaungatanga tōna kaupapa i roto i tō ao. Kia mōhio koe he aha i wehe ai koe i tō hoa o mua – i hē ngā mea, tika?"

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3. Kia ata noho, kia mau tonu

Tērā pea he awhiowhio e huri haere ana i roto i a koe, engari me noho mārire koe. Kua wehe kōrua, ā, me neke atu tētahi i te tuatahi. Engari, ko rāua te tangata i pērā. Kia mārie te whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga. Kia maumahara, ehara tēnei i te whakataetae, ā, kāore koe e hiahia kia noho tahi me tētahi hei whakaatu kua neke atu koe. Kaua hoki e pātai tonu, "Ka hoki mai anō ngā hoa o mua i muri i te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu?", kaua hoki e ngana ki te... hoki mai ano me ratou.

Ka whakamārama a Kavita i tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi i muri i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. "Whakatauhia tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi i muri i te wehenga. Kei te hiahia koe ki te piri ki tō hoa o mua? Taria kia hoki mai rātou? Kāore rānei koe e pai ake ki te mahi i tō tipu me te whakaora? Kāore e taea e koe te neke atu ki te kore koe e whiwhi i tēnei māramatanga. Ā, me tuku e koe a mua; ahakoa he aha te mea ka tupu i tō ao, me haere tonu te whakaaturanga - me inu koe i tāu kawhe, me kai tina koe."

4. Hoki atu ki ō hoa

Ki te kore e taea te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto, kua tae ki te wā ki te tuku karere SOS ki tō rōpū hoa. I tēnei wā, ko rātou te mea tino hiahiatia ana e koe, ā, kāore he mea e kore e taea te whakatika mā te noho tahi me ō hoa. E mōhio ana rātou ki ō wheako, ā, ka noho tonu rātou hei āwhina i a koe kia kaua e mahi i tetahi mea kuware. (Ko te ngā mea kāore e tika ana i muri i te wehenga me tino whai i ngā tikanga.)

He mea tino nui te pūnaha tautoko kare ā-roto ina he hoa wahine hou tā tō hoa o mua. Kei roto koe i te āhua ngoikore o te hinengaro. Āta karapotia koe e ō hoa aroha – ko ngā hoa me te whānau pea te ārai ahotea i waenganui i a koe me te mōhio kua neke atu tō hoa o mua.

5. Te hokohoko me te whakaora mirimiri

Kua tae te wā ki te manaaki i a koe anō, ki te whakangāwari hoki. Tangohia tō kāri nama, ka hokohoko tonu kia mutu rā anō te ahua o tō hoa o mua me tā rāua hoa hou i roto i tō hinengaro. Ko te aroha ki a koe anō te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe. Ko te whāinga o tēnei whainga ehara i te mea hei whakararuraru, engari he whakangāwari noa iho. Mahia ngā mea e hari ai koe. 

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6. He painga kei te noho takakau

He aha koe ka hiahia ai ki te whakauru anō i a koe ki roto i taua raruraru katoa? Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kei te pirangi koe ki te whai hononga ki tō hoa o mua. Ngā pakanga tonu, ngā tautohetohe, me te tinihanga i muri i te tuara. He tika rawa atu māu. Kia pai tō oranga takakau, ka taea e koe te mahi i tāu e hiahia ana.

E kī ana a Kavita me te mōhio, "He tino koretake te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mōna anake. Kia noho ko koe anake, kia anga atu ō kaha ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō. Mā te hunga hauora ka hanga he whanaungatanga hauora."

7. Tūhurahia ōu hiahia

E mōhio ana ahau kei te pōuri koe nā te mea kua neke atu tō hoa o mua. Engari anei tētahi otinga: ko ngā mahi whakangahau ngā mea e hari ai koe. Whakauruhia koe ki ngā mahi whakangahau whai hua hei whakangāwari i a koe. Tangohia he wā mōku ake, ā, arotahi ki a koe anō, kaua ki tō ake whanaungatanga kore angituKi te kore āu mahi whakangahau, kimihia ētahi mea hou. Whakamātauria ō pūkenga, ā, ka taea e koe te miharo i a koe anō.

I tino pouri tetahi o ōku hoa tata i muri i te tīmatanga o te hononga o tana hoa o mua ki tētahi. I whakatau ia ki te whakamātau i ngā mea rerekē kia nui ake ai te wā mōna ake. Kāore i mau tonu te mea tae noa ki tana whakamātau i ngā akoranga piano. E mea ana ia, "I tino pouri ahau nā te mea kei te hono taku hoa o mua ki tētahi tangata hou, engari i kitea e au tētahi mea nui ake nā tēnā." Āe, kāore i kōrerotia e au? I takaro ia i tana kōnohete tuatahi i te marama kua taha ake nei.

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8. Kua kitea e taku hoa o mua tētahi atu tangata, me aha ahau? Whakapono ki a koe anō

Kei te ngana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakatau i te whanaungatanga o tō hoa o mua ki tētahi tangata hou? Kaua e whakaaro koinei te mutunga o te ao. Kāore tō harikoa e whakawhirinaki ana ki tētahi tangata anake. He tangata kaha koe, ka taea e koe te tiaki i a koe anō me te kimi i te harikoa i waho o te... hononga whaiāipo.

E whakamārama ana a Kavita, "Ka taea e koe te noho me te kore tō hoa rangatira, ā, me taea hoki e koe te noho me te kore ia. Kāore e taea e te whanaungatanga kotahi te noho hei kaupapa matua mō tō oranga. Mā te tirohanga whānui atu ki ngā mea katoa, ka taea e koe te aro atu ki te wehenga me te marino."

9. Āta karohia ngā whakatau tere

Mā ngā purongo pēnei ka taea e koe te mahi i ētahi mea kuware ka pouri wawe koe. Te whaiwhai i ngā kōtaha pāpāho pāpori o tō hoa wahine hou o mua, te noho hono atu ki tō hoa wahine o mua, piia atu Kāore he kōwhiringa te noho tahi me ngā tāne noa iho. Kia whakaaro nui ki āu kōwhiringa nā te mea ko aua whakataunga kino e whakaatu ana i te koretake o tō taha.

I tuhituhi a Roy Bennet, "Kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere i ngā whanonga a ētahi atu, engari ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri i ngā wā katoa me pēhea koe e aro atu ai." Ae, kua neke atu tō hoa o mua. Engari ko te 'kei te moe tāku hoa o mua i tētahi atu' kāore e taea te waiho hei take hei whakaiti i a koe anō. Whakaarohia ngā mea i mua i te mahi i aua mea.

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10. Kaua e inu waipiro

Ko tētahi atu mea hei tāpiri atu ki te rārangi ko te karo i te waipiro. He hapa nui te inu hei huna i ō pouri nā te mea ko te hua anake he matewai kino me ngā tirohanga pōuri o koe e haurangi ana e waea atu ana ki tō hoa o mua. (Koia tonu te take me aukati e koe tō hoa o mua.) Ka nui haere te kino me te pōrearea o te waranga waipiro. Engari, kia aro atu ki ō kare ā-roto i a koe e noho mārire ana. Kōrerohia ō kare ā-roto ki ō hoa.

11. Kaua e whakarite i a koe ki a ia

Mā te kitenga i te hoa hou o tō hoa o mua ka tīmata koe ki te whakarite i a koe ki a ia. Ka whakaaro koe mēnā he ataahua ake rātou i a koe. Ka pātai koe ki a koe anō mēnā he nui ake tō rātou harikoa i tō hoa hou. Kia ara ake i ēnei whanonga whakarihariha, ā, tukua koe kia haere noa.

I tuhituhi tētahi kaipānui nō Newark, "I whaia tonutia e au tana Instagram me ā rāua whakaahua tahi me te whakaaro me pēhea te taea e taku hoa o mua te mahi i tēnei mea." hinga i roto i te aroha me tētahi atu i te tere rawa. He whanonga tino pōuri, he tino whakarihariha ki te pono. Engari i tere taku mōhio kāore he mea i mahia e au e pā ki a rātou; ko au anake te mea e mamae ana i aku mahi. He kitenga nui tēnei i te kitenga o taku hoa o mua i tētahi tangata hou.”

12. Karapotia koe ki tētahi kamupene hou

Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te wareware i tētahi hoa o mua kua neke atu? I ētahi wā, he āwhina te karapoti i a koe ki ngā tāngata tauhou. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakamārama he aha koe i pouri ai. Kāore rātou e kite i a koe me ngā kanohi aroha. Ka taea e koe te tūtaki ki ētahi tāngata hou e rite ana ō hiahia ki a koe. Tirohia ngā wāhi whakamere, ngā wāhi rānei haere takitahiTērā pea ka whakamarietia tō ngākau e te whakaaroaro hohonu.

13. Kia pukumahi koe

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe "He hoa wahine/hoa tāne hou tā taku hoa o mua, me aha ahau kia pai ake ai te ahua?" He huarahi pai te noho pukumahi kia kore ai e taka ki te āhua o te ngenge me te kore mahi. E kī ana a Kavita, "Whakamahia te aro nui, te yoga, te whakaaroaro. Kai hauora me te whakakori tinana i ngā wā katoa. Hoki atu ki tō mahinga o ia rā, ki te mahi me te wā wātea. Ko te tikanga, tiakina koe i tēnei wā taumaha. He hononga te aroha ki a koe anō me te manaaki i a koe anō."

Heoi, he mea nui kia mahia ēnei mea katoa me te whakaaro ki te aroha ki a koe anō, kaua ki te whakararuraru, ki te whakakore rānei. He mea nui te tukatuka i ō kare ā-roto. Mena he roa tō whanaungatanga, kia tūpato ki tō hauora hinengaro me tō hauora tinana. Ka tāpiri atu a Kavita, "Ko tētahi whanaungatanga neke atu i te tau ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro ina mutu. Tirohia he kaiwhakaora hinengaro mena kei te whakaatu koe i te Tuhinga o mua. "

14. Awhitia tō pouri

Kāore e taea e koe te mawhiti i te pono kua wehe atu tō hoa o mua i a koe e pouri tonu ana mō ngā wāhanga whakamutunga o tō whanaungatanga. Awhitia tēnei pouri me ngā mea katoa e pā mai ana. Kāore he aha te tangi pōuri ina he nui ngā mea kei runga i tō pereti (kare ā-roto). Kia maumahara noa kaua e noho roa i roto i tētahi wāhanga.

E whakamārama ana a Kavita, "Ko ngā wāhanga e rima o te pouri ko te whakakorekore, te riri, te whiriwhiri, te pouri, me te whakaae. Whakamātauria ēnei i muri i te wehenga mā te tukatuka i ō kare ā-roto i roto i te huarahi hauora. Kaua e noho ki te wāhanga whiriwhiri mā te noho tonu ki ngā whakaaro "mehemea" me ngā whakaaro pea. He nui te koretake o tēnei mahi."

15. Tukua koe kia herekore

He taumaha te katinga ki tō hinengaro ina whakaaro koe, 'kei te moe tāku hoa o mua i tētahi atu,' engari he uaua ki te mārama. Ko tētahi mea tino nui o te katinga ko te whakaaroaro arohaehae. Ka taea e koe te titiro whakamuri ki tō whanaungatanga me te whakaaro nui. 

E mea ana a Kavita, "Ahakoa kāore anō kia whiwhi koe i te kati i waho, me tuku e koe ki a koe anō. He aha koe i uru atu ai ki te whanaungatanga? He whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki tahi? Tērā pea he āhua koretake. Kia mōhio koe ki te take i puta ai ngā mea, ka māmā ake te neke whakamua me te kimi anō i te harikoa."

Ko te mantra mō te oranga harikoa i muri i te wehenga ko te aroha ki a koe anō. Kia maioha ki ngā mea pai e karapoti ana i a koe, ā, kia motuhia ngā hononga ki ngā mea e aukati ana i a koe. E ai ki te kōrero, arohaina koe, ā, ka arohaina koe e te ao.

Thoughts Final

He uaua te kite i te neke atu o tō hoa o mua, engari kāore e whakatau i tō heke mai. Kei te tata tonu te tipu, te whakaora, me te harikoa. Ko te mea nui ko te arotahi ki a koe anō, te whakaae ki ō kare ā-roto, me te whakamahi i tō kaha ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō. Mā ia mutunga ka whakatakoto te ara mō ngā tīmatanga hou—awhi mai i te haerenga kei mua me te maia.

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Me pēhea te muku i ngā maharatanga i muri i te wehenga

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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