15 Ngā Tohu Whero mō ngā Wahine Kaua rawa e Whakakahoretia

Ko te pānga whakahihiri, whakahihiri o te whanaungatanga e tipu haere ana ka meinga tātou kia kaua e aro ki ngā rerekētanga i waenganui i a tātou me tētahi hoa pea. Mā ngā mōhiti whero e mau ana koe ka ātaahua ake te rangi, ā, ka rite ngā mea katoa ki te wāhi tika. Heoi, ki te kore koe e aro ki ngā tohu kino o te wahine, ka ara ake te raruraru ina tīmata te memeha haere o te aroha. Ā, ki te kite koe i ngā mea mō tōna āhua tūturu, tera pea kua hohonu rawa koe.

Koia te mea nui kia kitea ngā tohu kino o te whanaungatanga me te wahine, ahakoa te nui o tō whakapono he tino pai ngā mea katoa. Haunga tēnā, ko te tere o tō kitenga i ngā raruraru pea, ko te tere hoki o tō whakaaro me pēhea te whakatika.

Nā te mea ehara koe i te kaipānui hinengaro, he mea tino nui kia aro nui koe ki ngā whanonga, ngā kōrero, me ngā mahi a te tangata kia aromatawai ai mēnā kei te kino atu tō rātou noho ki tō ao i te pai mōu. Hei whakatutuki i tēnā, me ngana tātou ki te mārama ki ngā tohu kino nui o te kōtiro kaua rawa e warewarehia.

15 Ngā Tohu Whero mō ngā Wahine Kaua rawa e Whakakahoretia

He rite tonu ngā tohu whero o te wahine, o te tāne rānei. He rite tonu ngā āhuatanga o te kaitūkino, ahakoa te ira tangata. Heoi anō, mā te mōhio ki ēnei āhuatanga ka āwhina i a koe kia mōhio ehara te mea e rukuhia ana e koe i te āhuatanga paitini. I pāngia tētahi taitama i tohutohuhia e au i ētahi tau kua pahure ake nei e te mamae nui o te ngākau nā te mea kāore i taea e ia te kite wawe i ngā tohu whakatūpato i roto i ngā whanonga a tana hoa.

I te tīmatanga o tā rāua whanaungatanga, kāore a Kevin i aro ki te āhua o Samantha e kore e whakaute, e karanga kino ana i a ia i ia wā ka uru rāua ki tētahi momo tautohetohe. Ko te mea i whakaarohia e ia he "werawera o te wā" i kitea he mea mārama noa iho. te kore whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga. Me ia kōrero whakatoi me ia tawai whakaiti, ka hōhonu haere te pōuri i keria e Kevin mōna ake. I tōna mōhiotanga kua mataku ia ki te kōrero ki a Samantha i ia rā, ka mōhio ia kua tae te wā hei whakamutu.

He aha ngā tohu kino o te hoa wahine? Mā te mōhio ki te whakautu ki tēnei pātai ka rerekē ai te āhua o te noho tahi me Kevin, te mārama rānei ki ngā mea hei mahi māu (hei whakarērea rānei) i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga, ina tīmata noa iho te whakaipoipo. Me titiro tātou ki ngā mea hei tirotiro māu:

1. Ka whara koe i a rātou mā te karanga ingoa kino i a koe

I te wā rāhui COVID, i tohutohu ahau i tētahi tokorua i tīmata te whakaipoipo. Kāore anō rāua kia tūtaki, ā, i tīmata te whanaungatanga mā te waea. I muri i tētahi wā, ka wehe rāua nā te mea ka tīmata tana wahine ki te karanga kino i a ia, ki te kī he kuware ia, me te whakapouri i a ia. Ahakoa i ngana rāua ki te hohou i te rongo, kei te pakaru tonu tō rāua whanaungatanga.

Kāore pea ēnei mea e ara ake he tohu kino, nā te mea ka uru pea ngā hoa ki ēnei momo kōrero whakakatakata. Engari mēnā he whanaungatanga aroha, inā koa i ngā wā pēnei kāore anō kia tūtaki te tokorua, me tūpato te āhua o te kōrero a te tokorua ki a rāua anō. Mēnā kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata, ā, kāore rātou e pai ana ki a koe, koinei tētahi o ngā mea nui rawa atu. ngā haki whero i roto i te whanaungatanga me te wahine me tūpato koe.

Ina whakaititia koe, ina meinga hoki koe kia kuware mō tētahi hapa, ka taea e ia te tango i tō whakapono ki a koe anō. Ka taea e ēnei whanonga kino te whakatupu haere i roto i te wā, ā, ka waiho koe kia kī tonu i te ruarua ki a koe anō. Kāore koe e hiahia kia puta mai tēnā i te tangata e tino arohaina ana e koe, e tika ana?

2. He tino tiketike ā rātou tumanakohanga mōu

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu whero e kitea whānuitia ana i roto i te wahine, ko tana tumanako kia haria ia e tana rangatira wahine ataahua, kia 'whakaora' i a ia i roto i ōna raruraru katoa. Ko tēnei momo āhua rangatira wahine ka arahi ki te whanonga hiahia, ka ngāwari te takahurihuri a ētahi tāne, me te whakaaro he mahi aroha, kāore i te mōhio he tohu whakatūpato.

Kāore aua tāne i te mōhio he ara 50 tau te roa kua hainatia e rātou. Ae, he mea whakamiharo mō te whakapehapeha o te nuinga o ngā tāne nā te mea ka whakaoho i te parapara toa i roto i a rātou. Ki ēnei tāne, kotahi noa taku tohutohu: me mārama koe me whai tangata motuhake koe i roto i tō ao. Ka kukumea koe e te tangata whakawhirinaki ki a ia. Ina he rārangi roa tā tō hoa rangatira mō āna e tumanako ana mai i tana hoa rangatira, ko te mea anake ka taea e koe te tumanako ko te whakahē.

Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Tohu Whero mō te Teití Kaua e Whakakahoretia ina Kei roto koe i te Hononga ki te Tāne

3. Ka meinga koe e rātou kia ruarua i tō mooni mā te whakamahi i te hauhautanga ki a koe

Te whakamātao hau i roto i te whanaungatanga Ko te wā tēnei e whakakorekore ai tō hoa i ō kare ā-roto mā te kī atu, "Ehara i te mea koinei te mea i tupu", "He nui rawa tō tauhohenga", "He porangi koe ki te whakaaro pēnei, me āwhina koe", ka meinga koe kia ruarua i a koe anō. Ina tupu tonu tēnei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga roa, whai take, ka taea te tohu i te mate mō te whakapono ki a ia anō me te mārama ki a ia anō.

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu mārama mō te wahine kua whara ko te tukino kare ā-roto pēnei. Ko tētahi anō hoki o ngā tohu mārama mō te whakaipoipo e kore e kitea i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka kitea noa tēnei taha kino o tō hoa ina kua roa kē koe e aro ana ki tēnei āhuatanga.

Koinei tonu te mea e nui ake ai te mōrearea o tēnei. Mā te hiahia ki te whakahaere i a koe anō, mā te whara i tō whakapono mā te whakaeke i a koe, te wehe i a koe, te whakararuraru rānei i a koe, ka taea e te tukino kare ā-roto te whakararu i tētahi whanaungatanga me te hauora hinengaro o te tangata i pāngia.

4. Kāore e taea e rātou te mutu te kōrero mō tā rātou hoa o mua

Ki te mea ka puta te āhua he he katoa nā te hoa o mua, ā, ko rāua te pēpi harakore i roto i taua whanaungatanga, me tūpato koe. Ko te whakataurite i ngā hoa o mua, inā koa ki te tangata e noho tahi ana rāua i tēnei wā, tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te wahine. Ināianei, i ētahi wā He mea noa te whakahua i te ingoa o te hoa o mua. Kāore he aha mēnā ka whakahuatia noatia e ia te ingoa o te hoa o mua, me te kī atu ko wai i whakauru i a ia ki te whakaaturanga e waranga ana ia ki a ia.

Heoi, ki te mea kei te ngana rātou ki te whawhai i tētahi keehi ki tā rātou hoa o mua, ko koe hei kaiwhakawā, he maha ngā wā ka tohu kei a rātou ētahi hapa. te whakaora i te wehenga kei te toe ki te mahi. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu ārai o te whanaungatanga ina te āhua nei kei te kimi take rātou hei whakahua i te hoa o mua, hei whakarite i a koe ki a rātou.

5. Te mahi pērā i te patunga

Ko te whakaaro he patunga tapu koe, he tohu whakatūpato anō hoki kei te paitini te wahine e noho tahi ana koe. Kei te whakahē katoa ngā mea ki a ia, ā, kei te rapu te katoa i a ia. He haurua kau te karāhe, ā, tera pea i paitinihia e tetahi nā te mea ko ia tonu te patunga. Ka whakanuia tonutia e ia ngā āhuatanga kino o te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i a ia, ā, mā tana tirohanga pouri ki te ao ka ruarua ia i te kaha o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. 

He aha ngā tohu kino o tētahi hoa wahine? Ki te kitea e ia he huarahi hei whakaatu i a ia anō hei patunga i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa, he tohu tēnā tera pea he tangata ia te wahine korekoreHe tūpono ka tangohia e ia ngā nganatanga katoa o te tawai hei whakaeke whaiaro, ā, ka tirotirohia e ia ngā mea katoa e kōrerotia ana e koe nā te mea nā tōna koretake o te māia ka kore ia e whakawhirinaki ki a koe. Kaua e huna te kanohi ki ēnei tauira whanonga nā te mea ko ētahi o ngā tohu kino nui rawa atu ēnei o te wahine.

6. Kāore e whakaae ki ngā whanaungatanga o te hoa ki ngā hoa me te whānau 

O ngā tohu kino katoa o te whanaungatanga ki tētahi wahine, ko tēnei tohu e tohu ana i te tini o ngā raruraru pērā i te āhua whakahaere, te whanonga hae, te momo piripono koretake rānei. Ki te whakaaro ia me noho ko ia te mea nui rawa atu i roto i tō koiora i ngā wā katoa, tera pea kei te whakawhāiti ia i te mana motuhake o tana hoa. 

Ki te mea kei te mataku tonu ia i ō hoa pai, i ō hoa mahi, i ō mātua rānei, me arotake e koe te momo whanaungatanga ka taea e koe te hanga ki a ia. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kino nui rawa atu tēnei i roto i te kōtiro, ā, he tohu hoki tēnei mō ngā raruraru nui ake kei raro iho.

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7. Mō rātou tonu ngā mea katoa, ā, kāore i a rātou te aroha

Whakaarohia tētahi āhuatanga i reira ngā kōrero a tō hoa ki a koe i meinga ai koe kia kore e whakautehia, kia mamae hoki. Tērā pea he whakaeke kino ki ō whakaaro koretake, he kōrero whakaiti rānei. Ina kōrero koe ki a rātou mō te mamae o ō kōrero, kāore rawa rātou e kaha/kāore e pai ki te aroha ki a koe, ki te whakaū anō hoki i ā rātou kōrero. Kaua e miharo mēnā ka rongo koe, "Kati te nui rawa o te tauhohe, kei te hanga nui koe i te kore noa iho." (Kei te mahara koe ki te gaslighting?)

Ko te kore e taea te kī noa, "E mārama ana ahau ki ō whakaaro, ahakoa kāore au e whakaae ki tēnā", he tohu tēnei i te mārama me te whakararuraru. te kore o te aroha. Kāore te aroha e tohu i te whakaae i ō rātou tirohanga i ngā wā katoa. Hei tauira, he kiritaki tāku i āwangawanga tonu kei te moe tāne tana wahine, ahakoa i te wā o te rāhui, i noho tahi rāua i te whare kotahi i ia hāora o te rā. 

Ahakoa te āhua wairangi o tōna ruarua me tōna koretake ki a ia, i taea e ia te kī, "E mārama ana ahau ki te pūtake o tēnei paranoia, me te take e pēnei ai ō whakaaro. Engari ki taku whakaaro kāore i te tika tō whakaaro." Ahakoa he onge te kitea o tēnei taumata aroha, he tohu kino te korenga o taua aroha."

8. Kāore rātou i te mōhio me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi tautohe

He tohu whero tēnei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi wahine e pā ana ki te huarahi e whakatau ai koe i ō raruraru i te wā roa. Hei tauira, ki te mea ko tā rātou whakaaro mō te whakatau pakanga he ārai i a koe kia warewaretia, me whakapono koe ka piki haere te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga ka hinga katoa ai. I whakaarahia e tētahi kiritaki taku tāne i waenganui pō, me te patuki i te tatau me te tono kia kōrero ia ki a ia mō ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a ia.

Ko te ngana ki te whakatau i tētahi tautohe mā te hamama ki tō hoa i te 4 i te ata, ehara i te huarahi tino whai hua ki te whakaoti rapanga. Ehara tēnei i te mea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kino o te wahine, engari e rua ngā huarahi. Ko te kaupapa matua ko te whakamahi a tētahi hoa i tētahi momo huarahi "māku ake, mā te huarahi tere rānei" ki te whakatau i tētahi take. te taupatupatu tautohe, kāore e whai hua ana ki tetahi.

9. He whanaungatanga kino, he whanaungatanga koretake tō rātou ki tō rātou whānau

He aha ngā tohu kino o tētahi hoa wahine? Ina whakautu koe i taua pātai, tera pea ka whakaaro noa koe ki tana mahi ki a koe, ā, kāore e whakaarohia te āhua o tana whanaungatanga ki ōna mātua. Mena kei te whawhai tonu ia ki tōna pāpā, te tāne tuatahi i roto i tōna ao, ka hoki anō taua tauira. Me tātari anō hoki e koe te take he kino rawa te whanaungatanga ki te whānau. He hunga atawhai ngā mātua engari kei te kitea tonu e ia he huarahi hei tautohetohe, hei whawhai, hei whakamā? I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, e mōhio ana koe ehara i te mea ko ngā mātua, engari ko ia.

Ina he whanaungatanga kino āna ki ngā kaitiaki matua, ka puta ake ngā tumanakohanga i kōrerohia e tātou, arā, te mate wahine rangatira, e tumanako ana pea te wahine kia 'whakaora' ia e tana hoa. Tērā pea kāore tēnei tohu kino o te whanaungatanga e kitea wawetia ana, nā te mea kāore pea koe e mōhio ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whānau o tō hoa i te tīmatanga. Engari kia mārama ake tō tirohanga, he mea nui kia tirohia tika te āhua o te whanaungatanga.

10. He tino piripono rātou, ā, he whakawhirinaki ki a koe  

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kino o te whanaungatanga ki te wahine, ki te tāne rānei, e kitea pinepinetia ana e au, ko te whanonga tino whakawhirinaki ki te tangata, me te tauira pekepeke mai i tētahi whanaungatanga ki tētahi. Kāore rātou e mōhio ko wai rātou mēnā kāore he whanaungatanga, he tohu tēnei i te whanonga hiahia me te piripono. 

Ko te hiahia kia noho noa te whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā tohu o te wahine kua pakaru. He maha ngā wā ka kitea rātou e pāngia ana e te te pouri i muri i te wehenga, ka memeha noa iho ina uru rātou ki tētahi hononga hou. Ko tēnei whanonga e tohu ana he nui ake te uara ki a rātou mō te whakaaro o tētahi hononga i te tangata e noho tahi ana rātou, ā, kāore e māharahara ki te neke atu ki tētahi atu mena ka huri te āhua o nāianei.

11. Ka pāngia koe e te ngenge o te hinengaro i te whanaungatanga

Te ngenge o te whanaungatanga Kāore e tino puta i ngā wāhanga tuatahi engari i roto i te wā, ka kitea ngā tohu. Ki te whakaekea tonutia koe tae noa ki te wāhi e rite ana koe ki te hikoi i runga i ngā anga hua manu i ngā wā katoa, ki te mea rānei kei te tūpato tonu koe, he mea maori noa iho ka waiho koe e te whanaungatanga kia ngenge te hinengaro. 

Anei tētahi whakamātautau māmā hei aromatawai mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi hononga ki tētahi tangata kāore i te tika mōu: He tangata rātou e hiahia ana koe hei hoa mōu? Ki te kore, he tohu kino tēnei mō te whanaungatanga e tohu ana kāore tō pūnaha uara e hangai ana ki ā rātou, ā, kāore koe e hototahi ki a rātou. 

12. Ngā take hauora hinengaro e kore e taea e rātou te mahi

He raruraru me he wero kei a tātou katoa hei wikitoria, ā, nā te mea kua tāpaetia he mate pāwera ki tētahi Hauora hinengaro Ahakoa te āhua o te mate, ehara i te mea kāore rātou e tika ana kia whiwhi i tō aroha me tō hoa. Ahakoa rā, ehara i te mea miharo ko te whanaungatanga ki tētahi e raru ana ki ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro kāore e pai i ngā wā katoa, ā, ka taea anake te tupu pai ina mahi kaha ngā hoa e rua ki taua whanaungatanga. 

Ina kore te hoa rangatira e pai ki te mahi i a ia anō, ki te whakapai ake rānei i te whanaungatanga, koinei pea te take e ngoikore ai. Heoi anō, he pai noa iho te whai i ēnei raruraru. Ko te mea nui ko te nui o te kawenga ka taea e te tangata te pikau mō āna mahi, me te kore e whakamahi i tōna mate hei tokotoko. Ka taea e rātou te mahi kaha ki te whakahaere i ō rātou tohumate, me te whakaatu mārama kei te mahi rātou i ngā mea katoa ka taea e rātou hei whakapai ake i a rātou anō me te kaha o te whanaungatanga? 

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te tūpato ki ngā tohu kino o te whanaungatanga - e kī ana te tohunga ki a koe

13. Kāore he tohu o te tauutuutu 

Kei te rite koe ki te mea he nui ake tāu hoatu ki te whanaungatanga i tā te tangata kē atu? Ae, kāore rawa he hoatu, he tango rānei 50-50, engari ki te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa hei āwhina i a koe i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ohorere, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu kino i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi wahine.

Te tauutuutu i roto i te whanaungatanga Kāore e whakatūria mā te pupuri kāri kaute, mā te tirotiro rānei ko wai ka mahi i te aha, engari he āhua hinengaro e kitea ana i roto i te kaha e whakapaua ana e te tangata. Kāore e hiahiatia kia puta mai i roto i ngā āhuatanga ohorere o te 3 i te ata, ka kitea mārama te kore o te tauutuutu i roto i te āhua o te mahi a tō hoa ki a koe i ia wā, i ia wā.

Tērā pea ka tīmata te whakaaro ko koe anake te tangata e ngana ana ki te whakauru i te kaha ki roto i te whanaungatanga, ko koe anake rānei te tangata e aro nui ana ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe kaua ki te whawhai. He mea kāore e rangona e tō hoa te tango kawenga, ā, i te mutunga, ka kitea tēnei tohu whakatūpato. Ina tīmata tō whanaungatanga ki te ahua kotahi te taha, kua tae ki te wā ki te arotake anō i te pūtake o tō whanaungatanga. 

14. Ko tā rātou whakaaro mō te "whakawhitiwhiti kōrero" he whawhai me te hamama ki a koe

I ia wā ka tautohetohe koe, ka ngana ki te whakaatu i tō tirohanga, te āhua nei kāore e taea e rātou te kōrero mārire, mārire hoki. Ko tā rātou e aro nui ana ko te "toa", ā, mā te kōrero ki a rātou ka mamae pea ō kare ā-roto. He rite tonu te āhua ki tēnā?

Nga raruraru korero He maha ngā wā ka noho ko ēnei momo āhuatanga hei tohu kino rawa atu. I raro i te kākahu whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka hamama pea tō hoa ki a koe, ka whara hoki i ō kare ā-roto, me te whakaaro ka taea e ia te kōrero i ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana ia ki a koe. Ehara i te mea he tohu noa iho tēnei i te kore whakaute, engari e whakaatu ana hoki kei te hē pea te whakaaro o tō hoa ki te āhua o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, whai take.

15. E whakaatu ana rātou i te whanonga whakahaere

Ko te hae me te whakahaere tetahi o ngā tohu kino nui rawa atu mō te wahine, tae atu ki ngā tāne. Ehara tēnei momo whanonga kino i te mea e herea ana ki te ira tangata anake, ā, heoi anō, he maha rawa ngā wā ka pāngia te tangata e te hae me te whakahaere mai i ō rātou hoa.

Tērā pea ka whakahē tō hoa, ka hae rawa rānei ki ō hoa me tō whānau, ā, ka whakahaere pea i te wā e noho tahi ana koe me rātou. Tērā pea ka whakahē rātou i ō hiahia, ka akiaki i a koe kia mutu te mahi i aua mea. Ahakoa te whakapono pea a te ahurea rongonui ko te whakahaere he rite ki te kī a tō hoa kia kaua e mahi i tetahi mea, kia mārama he mea nui ake i tērā.

Ka roa pea tēnei tohu ārai mō te whakaipoipo, ā, kāore pea koe e mōhio. Hei tauira, kāore tō hoa e kī atu kia kaua e uru atu ki tētahi mahi, engari ko tōna āhua whakahē, ko tōna riri nui nā ō mahi, me tōna whakaiti tonu, ka waiho hei take mamae mō te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te karo i ngā tāngata, i ngā mahi rānei e pai ana ki a koe, engari kāore tō hoa e whakaae kia mau tonu te rangimārie. Nō reira, ka mutu, ka whakahaere rātou i ō mahi, ā, ka ruarua koe i a koe anō, ahakoa he āhua ā-kore.

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki te whakautu ki ngā tohu kino o te hoa wahine, ko te tumanako kua mārama ake koe ki ngā mea me mahi, me ngā mea he raruraru noa iho kei roto i tō mahunga. Ka waiho atu e au tētahi atu whakamātautau whai hua mō te hototahitanga ki tētahi hoa pea, ki tētahi hoa o nāianei rānei.

Haere tahi māua ko tēnei tangata i roto i tētahi haerenga roa i roto i te motuka i ngā wā tino pukumahi o te waka. Ka kite koe i tā rātou tauhohenga i roto i ngā taiao taumaha, ngā mea ka taea e rātou, te huarahi e whakaatu ai rātou i ō rātou kare ā-roto i tō taha, me te huarahi e whakahaere ai rātou i te taumahatanga. Mā tēnā ka mōhio koe ki ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio. Mena kua āwangawanga koe mō te kaha o tō whanaungatanga, ko Bonobology he rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau he aha te āhua o tō ara ki te whakaoranga.

I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Whiringa-ā-rangi 2022.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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