7 Ngā Hipanga hei Whakarite i te Katinga i Muri i te Wehenga – Kei te Whai Koe i Ēnei?

Me whakaoti te raruraru i muri i te wehenga, kia kore ai koe e raru tonu ki te pātai, "He aha te hē o taku whanaungatanga?", i tō oranga katoa. He tino mamae te wehenga nā te mea he uaua te wareware i tētahi i hono tahi ai koe. Koia te mea nui kia mōhio koe me pēhea te whakaoti i te raruraru. Ehara i te mea ka māmā noa te wā i muri i te wehenga, engari tera pea ka nui ake tō māia, ka ārahi hoki i a koe ki te huarahi tika. Engari, ehara i te mea whakakatakata te noho i roto i te kōrero whakaoti i muri i te wehenga. Tērā pea he uaua ake i te wehenga tonu.

I a koe e pāngia ana e te wehenga, ka tangi koe, ka pouri, ka pātai tonu he aha i mutu ai te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea he tautohetohe, he pakanga, he rerekētanga, he kēmu whakapae, engari he maha hoki ngā wā pai, ngā wā pārekareka, me te ngākau nui. Nō reira, he mea tika kia kati te whanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga? Kia kitea ai he aha i kore ai e taea e kōrua ko tō hoa o mua te whakatutuki i te kaupapa, me rapu huarahi koe ki te tono kia kati te whanaungatanga nā te mea ko tētahi o ngā huarahi tēnei ki tō rangimārie me tō harikoa, i a kōrua e neke atu ana ki te upoko e whai ake nei o tō oranga.

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe he aha te hiranga o te hiahia ki te kimi i te otinga i muri i te wehenga, tera pea ka kore koe e moe i ētahi pātai whai take. Me pēhea te tiki otinga mai i tētahi hoa o mua e kore e kōrero ki a koe? He aha te mea hei kōrero atu ki tētahi hoa o mua hei whakaoti i te raruraru? Ka taea e au te neke atu me te kore he otinga? He momo tuhinga whakaoti paerewa rānei ki taku hoa tāne o mua, ki taku hoa wahine rānei hei āwhina i te whakahaere i ngā mea?

Kei konei ngā whakautu mō āu pātai katoa, me te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu a Namrata Sharma (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Āwhina), he kaiwhakatairanga hauora hinengaro me te SRHR, ā, he tohunga ki te tuku tohutohu mō ngā whanaungatanga kino, te whara, te pouri, ngā take whanaungatanga, me te tutu ira tangata me te tutu ā-whare. Nō reira, me te kore e whakaroa, me tīmata tonu tātou.

He aha te katinga i muri i te wehenga?

Ia wā ka whakaaro koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga o mua, ka kī tonu koe i te pouri, ka pupū ake ō kanohi, ā, ka rere tonu ngā maharatanga i roto i tō hinengaro. Ka tīmata koe ki te hiahia ki tō hoa o mua. Me i taea e koe te noho ki tōna aroaro kotahi noa iho, me te tiki whakautu pono mō ngā mea i hē ai, me te take hoki. Koinei tonu te āhua o ō whakaaro i ngā marama i muri i te wehenga, ina koa kāore anō kōrua kia kōrero whakamutunga.

Ki ētahi tāngata, ka roa pea ēnei kare ā-roto, ka waiho rātou kia piri tonu ki tētahi hoa o mua, kia piri tonu hoki ki tētahi hononga o mua mō ngā tau. Ka puta tēnei i te wā ko tā rātou hoa te tangata nāna i whakamutu te hononga, ā, kāore anō kia mārama he aha i pērā ai tā rātou mahi.

Kua roa a Noah rāua ko tana hoa wahine, a Dina, e pāngia ana e tētahi wā uaua, ā, kātahi ka mutu tana mahi mā te tuku karere poto . I kōrero tonu rāua mō te marena i tētahi rā, ā, kua neke atu i te rima tau te roa o te noho pūmau. Nō reira, ko tana whakatau ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, mā te tuku karere poto noa iho, i ohorere a Noah. Kāore ia i whai wā ki te kōrero whakamutunga mō te whanaungatanga ki a Dina, ā, tae noa mai ki tēnei rā, e whakaaro ana ia he aha te hē o te whanaungatanga.

"E mōhio ana ahau kua pāngia māua e ngā raruraru, engari kāore tonu ahau i te mōhio he aha te take whakamutunga i akiaki i a ia ki te whakarērea i ahau – he mea tino noa iho hoki. He tangata kē atu? I puta ohorere mai rānei i a ia te whakaaro kāore ia e aroha ana ki ahau? Ki taku whakaaro kāore rawa ahau e mōhio. Kua tekau tau te roa mai i te wehenga atu, ā, kei te mau tonu ahau i ēnei pātai i ētahi wā," te kī a Noah. Mena koinei tō wāhi, me tono koe kia mutu te whanaungatanga.

Kei te whakaaro tonu koe, "He mea tika kia kati te hononga i muri i te wehenga?" Āe, he mea tika. Kia kati te hononga, ka mutu te piripono ki te tangata, ki te whanaungatanga rānei. Kāore koe e titiro whakamuri me te whakaaro nui ki ngā mea i taea e koe te mahi hei whakatika i te whanaungatanga pakaru , mehemea rānei he mea tika kia whakaorangia. He mea nui rawa atu tēnei nā te mea ka āwhina i a koe kia tae ki tētahi wā o te ao ka hiahia koe ki te tuku me te neke atu. Kāore koe e mamae ina whakaaro koe ki tō hoa o mua. Ka houhia e koe te rongo ki tō mua.

E kī ana a Namrata, "He wāhanga nui o te oranga o te tangata te kati i te whanaungatanga. Hei whakamana i ngā mea katoa o tōna heke mai, me whai kōrero whakamutunga rātou. Ki te kore, ka ngaro te whakawhirinaki o te tangata ki ngā mea. Engari mō ētahi tāngata, ko te kōrero kati i muri i te wehenga ka huri hei pūtake o te whakaora i te mamae."

"Nō reira, me tino āta whakatau ko tēhea wāhanga o tā rāua whanaungatanga, ko tēhea pakanga rānei e hiahia ana rāua kia mutu. Ki te kore, ko te kimi i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga me te hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau maha ka waiho hei wheako mamae, ā, ka nui ake te kino i te pai. He mana tōna ki te whakararu i te tukanga whakaora."

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He aha te hiranga o te kati i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ae, he tino mamae te wehenga i ngā taumata maha. Kāore e taea e koe te kai i muri i te wehenga, kāore e taea e koe te arotahi ki te mahi, te āhua nei kāore e taea e koe te moe, ā, ka pōrearea tō kaupapa mahi. Ahakoa ngā mea māmā noa iho pēnei i te ara ake i te moenga i te ata, te haere rānei ki waho ki te kawhe me ngā hoa, te āhua nei kāore e taea te whakakore i muri i te pakaru o tō ngākau. Mena kua whakaaroaro koe, "He mea nui te kati i muri i te wehenga? Ā, he aha?", ko te whakautu kei roto i ēnei tauira whanonga mamae me te raruraru e pā ana ki te nuinga o tātou ina pāngia e te mamae o te ngākau.

I tino aroha a Jessica ki a Adam (kua rerekē ngā ingoa) engari i tinihanga ia i a ia, ā, ka neke atu. "I whakaaro tonu ahau he kino ahau, he tono nui ahau, ehara ahau i te tangata pai, ā, i whakapae tonu ahau i ahau anō mō ​​tana tinihanga. E rua tau i muri mai, i whiwhi ahau i te otinga mā te waea kotahi mai i a ia. I whakapāha ia mō te whara i ahau, ā, i mea mai kāore e taea e ia te muru i a ia anō kia mōhio rā anō ia kua murua e ahau tana hara. I whakaaro ahau, me hoatu e ahau taku otinga ki taku hoa o mua? Ā, i taku mahi, ka kitea e ahau taku i roto i te tukanga. I reira ka pā mai ki ahau te hiranga o te whiwhi otinga mai i tētahi tāne."

Mā te kati i a koe e āwhina ki te neke atu i tēnei āhua hinengaro kino, me te huri i tētahi rau hou. Ina hoatu e koe he kati ki tētahi, ina tono rānei koe kia kati, kua rite koe ki te whakamutu i taua upoko o te ao ahakoa te ataahua o te wā i roa ai. Ko te hunga kāore e whiwhi kati ka noho tonu i roto i te āhua o te pouri me te aroha ki a rātou anō i muri i te wehenga mō te wā roa. He nui ake te tūponotanga o tēnei mea ina ngaro koe, ā, kua whakakahoretia he kōrero kati i muri i te wehenga.

Ina tinihanga tetahi hoa, ka mutu te whanaungatanga, ina whakatau takitahi rānei tetahi ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, ka waiho koe kia rapu whakamārama tika, ā, ka mahue koe me te whakaaro me pēhea te tono kia mutu te whanaungatanga. I ēnei āhuatanga katoa, ka uaua ake te neke atu nā te mea kua whakakahoretia te whakaaetanga taketake o te kōrero whakamutu i muri i te wehenga.

I ētahi wā, ka taea e koe te whakaoti i tō whanaungatanga me tō hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau maha ahakoa kāore anō kia kōrero ki a ia. He rite ki te rama e mura ana i roto i tō mahunga, ā, ka kite koe kāore ngā mea i te wā i whakaritea kia pērā. Heoi anō, ka taea e koe te pātai i ngā pātai a tō hoa o mua, me te ngana ki te tātari i ngā whakautu kia kitea ai te rangimārie. He mea nui kia whakaotihia te whanaungatanga nā te mea ka āwhina i a koe ki te ora, ki te neke whakamua, me te harikoa anō.

E kī ana a Namrata, "He rerekē ngā take mō te katinga o te whanaungatanga o ia tangata, nā te mea he hiahia me ngā tumanakohanga ā ia tangata. Ki ētahi tāngata, he mea nui kia whai whakamārama tika mō te mutunga ohorere o te whanaungatanga. Ā, mā tēnei ka āwhina i a rātou ki te pupuri i tō rātou tuakiri me te hinengaro pai. Ināianei ka taea e rātou te neke whakamua i roto i te huarahi e ako ai rātou mō ētahi ngoikoretanga o ā rātou whanonga mai i ngā arotake whai hua, me te kite i ētahi mea me whakarerekē e rātou mō rātou anō."

"Ki ētahi tāngata, he mea nui kia mōhio ki te take i wehe atu ai te tangata kē, kia waiho ai hei wheako ako. Ā, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakahoki anō i ngā māramatanga, i ngā kōrero hē rānei a muri ake nei ki tētahi hoa hou. Tērā pea ka rerekē anō hoki i runga i ngā āhuatanga o te tangata, ngā āhuatanga me ngā uara. Nō nā tata nei, i pānui ahau i tētahi wāhi e kī ana ka piki haere te hiahia kia kati te whanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga, me te piki haere o te ahotea."

"Tērā pea he rerekē rawa ngā hoa tokorua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Tuatahi, kāore pea te mutunga i te mea nui. Ko tā rāua anake he whakakore i te paitini o te whanaungatanga . Ko te tangata kē pea e hiahia ana ki te tautuhi i te take o tēnei wehenga ahakoa te aha. Kua kitea hoki e ngā tohunga hinengaro ko te hunga e kaha tonu ana ki te kimi i te mutunga, he tikanga uara tā rātou e taea ai te whakauru ngāwari i ngā whakautu hei whakamana i ō rātou tirohanga katoa ki te ao."

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7 Ngā Hipanga ki te Katinga i Muri i te Wehenga

He āhua tonu tā tātou ki te whakaaro he aha te hē i puta i muri i te mutunga o tētahi hononga. He aha i tae mai ai te pūrākau aroha ki tētahi mutunga ohorere? Nā wai te he? Me i rerekē te mahi hei whakaora i te hononga? Koia te mea nui o te kimi i te otinga i muri i te wehenga. Tērā pea ka taea e koe te whāngai i ētahi whakautu ki tō hiahia me te neke atu.

Hoki atu ki te āwangawanga nui rawa atu – me pēhea te whakaoti i te whanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga? Anei ētahi mahi hei whakarite i tētahi whakaotinga whakaaro pai i muri i te wehenga. Tērā pea ka pātai koe, "Me whakaoti rapanga ahau? Me whakaoti rapanga i muri i te wehenga?" Ko te whakautu he mea nui te nuinga, āe, he mea nui. Ki te kore, kāore e taea e koe te tīmata i te tukanga whakaora me te neke whakamua. Nō reira, he aha te mea hei kōrero i roto i tētahi kōrero whakaoti, ā, me pēhea te mahi? Kia maumahara ki ēnei tohutohu e whitu:

1. Tūtaki ki a rātou, ka kōrero whakamutunga

Engari i te tuku karere whakamutunga ki tō hoa tāne o mua, ki tō hoa rangatira rānei o mua, he pai ake kia tūtaki kanohi ki a rāua, kia kōrerohia ngā mea katoa. Ina oti ngā mea katoa, ā, e mōhio ana koe he mea tūturu te wehenga, he mea tika kia tūtaki kanohi ki a rāua kia kōrerohia ai te mutunga. Kia mārama hoki tō hoa ko te mutunga tēnei o tō kōrua kōrero, ehara i te ngana ki te whakaora anō i tētahi hononga kua mate.

He aha te mea hei kōrero atu ki tō hoa o mua hei whakamutu i te kōrero? Waea atu ki a rātou, ka tika tonu ki te kaupapa, kaua e whakaroa i te kōrero. Kōrero atu ki tō hoa o mua me whai kōrero whakamutunga koe hei whakamahara i te wehenga, ā, he tika tonu kia whai wāhi rātou ki tēnei. Kōwhiria he wāhi koretake mō tēnei kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga, kia taea ai e kōrua te kōrero pono me te kore e kukume i ngā titiro pākiki mai i ngā kaimātakitaki.

Heoi, karohia ngā wāhi piripono pērā i tō kāinga, i tētahi rūma hōtēra rānei, kia kore ai koe e moe tahi me tō hoa o mua i te wā ngoikore i muri i te wehenga. Kia mahara ka pōrearea te kōrero, ka puta he roimata, he tawai, ā, tera pea ka puta he whakapae mō te whanaungatanga tawhito . Heoi anō, ko te whakatau ki te wehe ka pā kino ki ngā hoa e rua.

2. He aha ngā mea hei kōrero i roto i tētahi kōrero whakamutunga? Kōrerohia ngā kaupapa katoa e hiahia ana koe kia kōrerohia hei whakamutunga

Me pēhea te kimi i te otinga mai i tētahi i whara i a koe? Kaua e waiho tetahi pātai kia kore e pātaihia, kia kore hoki e whakautua. Heoi anō, me ngana koe ki te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto, me te whakatau i mua ko tēhea o ēnei pātai ka āwhina, ka whara rānei i a koe. I tūtaki a Ryan rāua ko Linda mō tētahi kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga i tētahi whare kawhe. I a Ryan e whakautu ana i ngā pātai maha a Linda ki a ia, ka wera haere ngā mea.

I muri i tētahi wā, ka huihui ngā kaimahi ki tētahi rōpū mārire, ā, ka titiro āwangawanga rātou i a Linda e tangi ana. Mena kei te pouri kē koe ki a koe anō, ka taea e ngā titiro aroha a te hunga mātakitaki te whakanui ake i ō kare ā-roto o te aroha ki a koe anō. Heoi, ki te kore koe e māharahara ki tētahi mea e pāngia ana e te pouri tūmatanui, tukua koe kia haere. Ko te mea nui, ina tūtaki kōrua mō tētahi kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga, kaua e waiho tetahi take, tetahi pātai rānei kei roto i tō hinengaro. Ki te hiahia koe kia noho hoa tonu ki tō hoa o mua , kōrerohia ngā tikanga me ngā herenga mō ngā kōrero me ngā hui a meake nei.

Engari, me pēhea mēnā kāore kōrua ko tō hoa o mua e noho tahi? Mēnā koinei te āhua, me rapu huarahi koe ki te kimi i te otinga mai i tētahi hoa o mua e kore e pai ki te kōrero ki a koe. E whakamārama ana a Namrata, "Tuatahi, kia mārama ngā kaupapa e hiahia ana koe kia whakaotia te whanaungatanga, ā, me tono kia whakaotia tō whanaungatanga me te ngākau māhaki. Engari ki te kore rātou e hiahia ki te kōrero ki a koe, me mutu te whakapā atu ki a koe mēnā kāore he whakautu. He pai ake te tiaki i tō whakaute me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, ā, me peka atu mēnā kei te aro tonu rātou ki a koe ahakoa ō mahi katoa. Kia whakahīhī koe. Ahakoa ka roa pea te wā ki te whakatutuki i te marino me te rangimārie o te ao, ka taea tonu te neke whakamua me te kore he otinga ."

3. Kati te kōrero mō tētahi wā kua whakaaetia e te katoa, ā, me whakaoti te kōrero me te kore whakapā atu.

Ehara i te mea ko te tomo ki roto i tō rāua whare me te pātai atu ki a rāua te huarahi hei whakaoti i te raruraru. Ko te tukanga whakaoti katoa me whai wā anō hoki te tangata ki te noho tahi me te tangata kē. Me mārama koe kāore e taea e kōrua te noho tonu ki roto i te ao o tētahi ki tētahi, pērā i te mahi noa i muri tonu i te wehenga. Nō reira, me pēhea te whakaoti i te raruraru i muri i te wehenga? Hoatu he wā kia ora ai te mamae katoa. Kaua e īmēra, waea atu, tuku karere rānei ki tō hoa o mua kia oti rā anō te mamae me te ngākau pouri. Whakapono mai, he tino whai hua te ture kore whakapā atu.

Ina tono koe kia mutu te whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia mārama te whakatakoto i ngā ture mō te wā whakaora i muri i te wehenga. Ae, ki te nui rawa te riri me te kare kino, kāore koe e manukanuka ki te hiahia ki te kōrero, ki te pupuri hononga rānei, engari me mahi ki te kimi i te mutunga me te kore whakapā atu. E kī ana a Namrata, "Ko te tangata kua pāngia e te wheako mamae, me roa te wā kore whakapā atu kia tutuki ai te mutunga."

"He kaupapa tino takitahi tēnei, nā te mea, mō ētahi tāngata, tera pea ka tere te whakaora, mō ētahi atu ia, ka roa pea te riri me te mamae o te ngākau mō te wā roa. Ki taku whakaaro, mēnā kua puta atu tētahi i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, tukino, me motu katoa ngā hononga ki taua tangata kia kitea ai he otinga. Ki te kore, i ia wā ka kite rātou i tā rātou hoa o mua, ka puta mai ngā mamae katoa i pā ki a rātou i ngā tau kua hipa." 

"Mēnā i wehea te tokorua, kāore pea te ture kore whakapā e pā ki reira. Ka taea e tātou te kī i mutu te whanaungatanga i runga i te pai o ngā tikanga i runga i te whakatau ngāwari me te marino. Ā, tera pea he maha ā rāua hoa noa, nō reira ka tūtaki rāua i ngā pāti, i ngā huihuinga whānau rānei. Kāore pea te noho whakapā e tino kino ki a rāua tetahi."

"Hei whakamutunga, ki te kore tetahi e pai ki te pupuri i te hononga ki tetahi atu, ka tino taunaki atu ahau kia kaua te hoa tuatahi e akiaki i tetahi atu. I konei, kei te ngana noa koe ki te piri ki tō hoa o mua i a ia e ngana ana ki te whakarērea koe. Ā, ka nui ake pea te manukanuka me te riri. Ka hoki mai te whakaaro kua whakakahoretia koe i ia wa ka tono koe kia korero tahi raua. Ka waiho koe hei arai i a koe ki te whakaoti i te whanaungatanga."

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4. Tuhia he rārangi o ngā hapa katoa, ka kōrero mō te murunga hara i a koe anō me tō hoa.

Anei tētahi tauira o te katinga o tētahi whanaungatanga. Kia oti te hui katinga, noho ki raro me te hinengaro mārama, ka hanga he rārangi o ngā mea pai me ngā mea kino katoa kua tupu i roto i tō whanaungatanga tae noa mai ki tēnei wā. Kia tika! Tuhia ngā mea katoa i puta ai te wehewehe me te pakaru o tēnei whanaungatanga. Kātahi ka whakaaroarohia ēnei whakaaro i roto i tō hinengaro, ka kī atu rānei "Kua murua e au tō hara". Mā tēnei ka ora te riri, te pōuri, te tinihanga, me te kino.

Kia maumahara, ki ētahi tāngata, he mea nui te murunga hara hei kimi i te otinga i muri i te wehenga. Ehara i te mea kei te murua e koe tō hoa o mua, kei te tuku i a rātou kia mawhiti mō rātou, engari mōu ake. Kia tukuna rā anō e koe ngā mauahara me te riri, tera pea he uaua ki a koe te kimi i te otinga i muri i te wehenga.

Mena kei te hiahia koe ki te kati i te whanaungatanga o tō hoa o mua, ka taea e koe te noho tahi me rātou me te rārangi, te tuku atu rānei mā te īmēra, me te kōrero ki a rātou i ngā mea i angitu me ngā mea kāore i angitu. Ka taea e koe te kōrero kati i muri i tēnā, kātahi ka mutu. Ka tino pai ake tō wairua. He huarahi pai tēnei ki te waiho i ngā taumahatanga kare ā-roto ki muri. Ko te hoatu kati ki tētahi i muri i te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga te mea tika, ā, ko te mea pai ki te mahi. Ki te kore he whanaungatanga kino, he whanaungatanga tukino rānei, he atawhai tēnā me hoatu e koe ki tētahi hoa o mua.

5. Kaua e ruku hohonu ki ngā mea o mua

Anei tētahi atu tauira o te katinga o tētahi whanaungatanga kua roa rawa te whakaroa. I te haerenga atu a Glen ki tētahi hui whakaaroaro me āna hoa, ka kitea e ia he nui rawa ōna manukanuka, ā, kāore i taea e ia te tuku i te mamae o tana wehenga whakamutunga i ngā tau kua pahure. Nā ēnei kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia i puta ai te manukanuka hou i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, i kore ai a Glen e tuku i tētahi ki roto i tōna ao. Kāore ia i te mōhio ko te kimi katinga me tana hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau ka nui te pānga ki tōna ao pēnei.

I te mutunga o te reti, ka pātai ia ki tētahi o ngā kaiako me pēhea e taea ai e ia te aro atu, ā, ka whakahoki te kaiako, "Katia te pukapuka mō tō hītori." He tino tohutohu whai hua tēnei. Kaua e whakatuwhera i te pukapuka. Kaua e ruku ki roto i te hītori. He rite ki te rau mate; kua rere ki te whenua, ā, ka pirau, ka huri hei paru.

6. Kaua e uru ki ngā whanaungatanga whakaora mena kāore anō kia ora

Kāore e taea te whakanui rawa i te hiranga o tēnei mea. Ko te huarahi hei whakaoti i te wehenga, ehara i te mea ko te tango anō i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo o ngā tau e toru ki muri, me te whakaae ki tētahi tangata e titiro mai ana ki a koe. Ahakoa te hiahia kia hoki anō ki waho hei whakamāmā i te mamae, hei wareware hoki i te mamae, ehara i te mea kua rite koe mō tēnā i tēnei wā.

Ahakoa ka mutu tāu takaro ki tētahi, ka tīmata koe ki te whakarite i a ia ki tō hoa o mua, ka nui ake tō hiahia ki te kati i a ia, ā, ka nui ake tō hiahia ki a ia. Ko te whakautu ki te pātai me pēhea te tiki kati i a ia mai i tētahi hoa o mua e kore e kōrero ki a koe, ko te kore e kimi tonu i tētahi hoa hou.

Whakapono mai ki a mātou ina kī atu mātou ka kino noa iho te āhua. Ahakoa kei te āraihia koe e tō hoa o mua, ā, kāore e taea e koe te kōrero pai ki a ia mō te mutunga o te whanaungatanga, me kimi e koe ētahi atu huarahi hei whakakore i taua whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he yoga me te whakaaroaro, he haerenga takitahi rānei, he pai ake tēnā i te akiaki i a koe ki te whakauru atu anō ki te puna whakaipoipo i te mea kei te pupuri tonu koe i te ngākau maru.

7. Hei whakatau i te raruraru mai i tētahi tangata kāore koe e kōrero ana ki a ia, murua tōna hara me koe anō hoki

E whitu tau a Ariana e piripono ana ki a Melvin, mai i te kura tuarua, ā, i muri iho ka wehe rāua nā te hae i puta ake i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nā te nui o te riri me te mauahara, kāore rāua i kōrero, i whakapuaki rānei i ō rāua whakaaro i muri i te wehenga. Nā tēnei i kino ake ai te āhua o ngā kare ā-roto o Ariana nā te mea kāore i te ngaro noa i a ia tana tangata tino pai o te ao, engari i pāngia anō hoki ia e ētahi kare ā-roto kino ki a ia.

I kōrero mai a Ariana ki a mātou, "E waru marama pea i muri i te wehenga ka mōhio ahau ko te huarahi anake e harikoa ai ahau ko te murunga hara i a Melvin. Mōku, ko te mutunga tēnā. Kāore rawa ahau i whai wāhi ki te whakaaro he aha te mea hei kōrero i roto i tētahi kōrero whakamutunga, me whakaaro rānei ahau ki te tuku karere whakamutunga ki taku hoa tāne o mua. Mōku, ehara te mutunga i te mea e rua ngā taha, engari he tukanga takitahi. He tino kino tā māua wehenga, kāore anō kia kōrero ahau ki a ia tae noa mai ki tēnei rā, engari i muri i taku murunga hara i a ia me ahau anō, ka taea e au te kī kua kitea e au te mutunga i roto i taua whanaungatanga. Kāore pea ahau i te rite ki te neke atu engari kāore he kare ā-roto kino ki a ia i tēnei wā."

Mā tēnei tauira o te katinga o te whanaungatanga e whakaatu mai ki a tātou te hihiri me te rangimārie o te katinga o roto. Ehara te katinga i te mea he poroporoaki wehenga, he hui rānei e kī ana te tangata, "Ngā mihi nui mō aua tau ataahua." I ētahi wā ka kino ngā āhuatanga, kāore i te whai mana te tangata ki te mahi i aua mea. Nō reira, ahakoa he mea nui kia tūtaki kanohi ki te kanohi ki a rātou, kia kōrerohia ngā mea, kāore pea e taea i ngā wā katoa. I taua wā, ko te mahi muru hara te huarahi anake ki te rongo i tētahi momo katinga.

Nō reira, he mea nui te kati i muri i te wehenga? Kua mārama te whakautu i tēnei wā – he mea tino nui te whakaora me te neke whakamua. Heoi anō, he mea nui anō hoki kia mōhio koe kāore koe e hiahia ana ki tētahi atu tangata hei kimi kati. Ae, mā rātou e whakautu ō pātai ka whai hua ki te māramatanga mō te wehenga me te whakaae ki tēnā. Heoi anō, ko te kati tūturu – arā, ko te rite ki te tuku i ngā mea o mua me te harikoa – ka puta mai i roto anake.

Ko te tumanako kua mōhio koe inaianei ki te whakaoti i te wehenga. Mena kāore e taea te noho tahi me tō hoa o mua, arotahi ki te kimi i tō ake mutunga kia mutu ai te whanaungatanga me te kore whakapā atu ki tētahi atu. Mā te rapu tohutohu ka tere ake te tukanga mā te kawe mai i tētahi taumata hou o te mōhio ki a koe anō. Mena kei te rapu tonu koe i tētahi otinga mō te wehenga me tō hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau, ka taea e ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro o Bonobology te āwhina i a koe kia tae atu ki reira. He pāwhiri noa iho te āwhina tika.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.