Me pēhea te whakahaere i te marena polyamorous? 6 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga

Ka taea e koe te aroha ki te tini o ngā tāngata i te wā kotahi? Arā, ka taea e koe te whakahaere i tētahi marena maha-amorous? He rite tonu ki tētahi wāhanga o Easy i runga i te Netflix. Whai muri i te tango i te rongoā hinengaro mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka tūhuratia e ngā mātua kua mārenatia, a Andi rāua ko Kyle, tētahi whanaungatanga tuwhera. He aha te mea ka tupu i muri mai? He nui ngā raruraru!

Ka mutu, ka whakakino a Andi i te marena kotahi-wahine a tana hoa. Ā, ka mutu, ka aroha a Kyle ki tētahi atu. Koinei tonu te uauatanga o te tukatuka i te marena maha-wahine. Heoi, kāore te marena maha-wahine e waiho hei puna paru o ngā whārite uaua me ngā patunga kare ā-roto. Mā te whakatakoto i ngā rohe me ngā tumanakohanga tika, ka kitea e koe te wāhi reka e pai ana mō te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana.

Me pēhea? Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake ai te tikanga o te polyamorous me ngā huarahi hei whakahaere i ēnei whanaungatanga uaua, mā te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu me te kaiwhakaako pūkenga ora whaimana. Deepak Kashyap (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Mātauranga), he tohunga ki ngā momo take hauora hinengaro, tae atu ki te hunga LGBTQ me te ratonga tohutohu huna.

He aha te whanaungatanga polyamorous?

Hei tīmatanga, he aha te polyamory? Ko te whakamāramatanga māmā o te polyamory ko te mahi i ngā whanaungatanga aroha me te neke atu i te kotahi hoa, me te whakaae whai whakaaro o ngā rōpū katoa e whai wāhi ana. Heoi, ina tae ki te whakatinanatanga o tēnei ariā, he maha ngā raruraru ka puta ake. Koia te take he mea nui te tikanga pono o te polyamory i mua i te ruku whakamua. 

Deepak e whakamārama ana, "Ko tētahi rerekētanga nui i waenga i te polyamory me te tinihanga i tō hoa ko te mea tuatahi he whakaae whai whakaaro me te ngākau nui. Kia mahara ehara tēnei whakaae i te mea akiaki, pērā i te "Kei te mahi ahau i tēnei nā te mea kei te tono mai koe kia mahia e au".

"Me ngākau nui te whakaae, me rite ki te kupu "Kia kite tātou i ētahi atu tāngata" – koinei hoki te kupu matua i konei. Kei te piki haere te maha o ngā wāhine i ngā wā e noho noa ana/ōrite ana, ā, e mārama ake ana te iwi ki ō rātou hiahia. I a tātou e whanake haere ana hei hapori, e puta mai ana te iwi i roto i te rūma huna me te kore wehi, kei te piki haere te maha o ngā wāhine." Heoi, he tino uaua te kupu 'maha o ngā wāhine', ā, he maha ngā paparanga kei roto. Me tūhuratia whānuitia.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te Marena Tuwhera, ā, he aha te take e whiriwhiri ai te tangata i tētahi?

Ngā momo whanaungatanga polyamorous

He aha te whanaungatanga polyamorous? E kī ana a Deepak, "Koinei te āhua o te whakaaetanga whanaungatanga. He whanaungatanga tuatahi tā kōrua – ko te tangata e moe tahi ana kōrua, me te tangata e tohatoha moni ana kōrua. Kātahi anō ka whai hoa tuarua – kāore kōrua i te piripono ki a rātou; ko rātou ō hoa moepuku, aroha, me te ngākau nui."

"E pai ana koe ki te whanaungatanga piripono ki ō hoa tuarua? Ae, e pai ana koe. Ko te kupu 'amor' i roto i te polyamorous e tohu ana he koki aroha me te piripono. Ki te kore, he marena tuwhera."

Ko tēnei whakamāramatanga polyamorous i homai e Deepak e kiia ana he poly hierarchical. Me tūhura tātou i ngā momo kē atu o ngā whanaungatanga polyamorous me ā rātou ture kia nui ake ngā taipitopito:

• Te Pono NuiKa whakaae ngā hoa o te rōpū kia kaua e whai hononga ā-ira/aroha ki te hunga ehara nei i te mema o te rōpū
• WhakatuturuE toru ngā tāngata e whakaipoipo ana tetahi ki tetahi
• WhitiE whā ngā tāngata e whakaipoipo ana tetahi ki tetahi
• VeeE rua ngā tāngata rerekē e piri tahi ana tētahi tangata, engari kāore rāua e piri tahi ana.
• Tepu Kīhini PolyKa whakapā atu ngā hoa me ngā hoa o ngā hoa ki a rātou anō, ka kōrero tika mō ngā tono, ngā āwangawanga, ngā kare ā-roto rānei
• Whanaungatanga AnarchyHe maha ngā tāngata e wātea ana ki te hono atu ki ētahi atu i runga i te aroha me te moepuku, me te kore he here o ngā ture, ngā tapanga, ngā taumata whakahaere rānei.

Me pēhea te whakahaere i te marena polyamorous? 6 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga

Akoranga E whakaatu ana te 16.8% o te tangata e hiahia ana ki te whai wāhi ki te polyamory, ā, 10.7% kua whai wāhi ki te polyamory i tētahi wā o ō rātou oranga. Tata ki te 6.5% o te tauira i kī mai i mōhio rātou ki tētahi kua whai wāhi ki te polyamory, kei te whai wāhi tonu rānei ki tēnei wā. I roto i ngā kaiuru kāore i aro ki te polyamory, 14.2% i tohu e whakaute ana rātou ki te hunga e whai wāhi ana ki te polyamory.

Ko ngā tatauranga o runga ake nei he tohu kua kore e onge ngā tāne me ngā wāhine maha-aroha i ēnei rā. Mena ko koe tētahi o rātou engari kua whakaroa koe nā te pātai, "He pumau tonu te marena maha-aroha?", anei tētahi aratohu taahiraa-i-te-taahiraa me ngā tohutohu tautokona e ngā tohunga hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakahaere me te awhi i a koe anō:

1. Whakaakohia koe

E kī ana a Deepak, "I mua i tō peke atu ki te pito hohonu o ngā mea, me ako koe anō. Tirohia mēnā he pai te kore-takitahi mōu. Ka taea hoki e koe te whakauru atu ki te rōpū tautoko maha e whakahaerehia ana e au." Hei tāpiri atu ki tēnei, ka hoatu e ia he rārangi pukapuka me pānui e koe i mua i te urunga ki te marena maha-takitahi:

Te pānui e pā ana: He Tangata Kotahi Raupapa Koe? He aha tōna Tikanga, ngā Tohu, me ngā Āhuatanga

• Polysecure: Te Āpitihanga, te Whara me te Whakaaetanga Kore-Mōnehi
• Te Wahine Kairau Matatika: He Aratohu Whai Hua ki te Polyamory, ngā Hononga Tuwhera me Ētahi Atu Haerenga
• Neke atu i te Rua

Mā ēnei pukapuka koe e āwhina ki te mārama ki ngā uauatanga o te polyamory, mai i ngā raruraru ture ki ngā mate pāwera ira tangata. Ki te kore koe e pai ki te pānui pukapuka, kaua e manukanuka, kei a mātou tō tautoko. Ka taea e koe te whakarongo ki ngā podcast e whai ake nei hei tūhura i te tikanga o te 'polyamorous' me te taipitopito atu:

• Te Whakamahi i te Polyamory
• Te Wiki o te Polyamory

E ai ki tā Deepak, ko te rapu i te tohutohu hoa-maha te taahiraa tuatahi mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi hononga pumau, ā, kāore koe i te mōhio ki hea ka tīmata. Mā tētahi tohunga hoa-maha koe e āwhina ki te whakatere i ngā uauatanga o te noho hei wahine maha i roto i tētahi ao kāore i te tino maha ngā wāhine maha. Ki te rapu āwhina me te ārahi koe, ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro i te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei tonu mo koe. 

2. Kōrero, kōrero, kōrero

E kī ana a Deepak, "Ko te nuinga o ngā marena maha-aroha ka hinga nā te mea kāore te tangata e pai ki te kōrero. Ka kitea te hae me te kore whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono katoa, engari i konei, ka tūtaki koe ki ēnei take whakawhirinaki i ia rā, i ia rā."

"Ki te hiahia koe kia angitu ō whanaungatanga, kōrero, kōrero, kōrero! Kāore e taea te kōrero nui rawa i roto i te marena maha. Kāore koe e tūpono ki taua tūponotanga. Kōrerohia ngā kōrero katoa ki tō hoa rangatira, tae atu ki tō hae, tō koretake, me ō hiahia."

Anei ētahi tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe kia roa te haere o tō marena maha:

• Whakamihi i tō hoa rangatira/kōrerotia ō rātou kaha i ia wā, i ia wā
• Whakamanahia rātou i ia wā, i ia wā, kāore koe e haere ki hea
• Kaua e whakaroa i te tukanga, engari me hoatu he wā nui ki tō hoa hei whakarite/whakatikatika.
• Kia mōhio koe, e kore te whanaungatanga maha e whakatika i ō raruraru mēnā kāore kē he turanga pakari mō te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora hei mahi māu.

3. Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea e koe te noho hei mea katoa ki te tangata kotahi anake

E ai ki a Deepak, e rua ngā take nui e pā ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine maha-amo:

• "Kei te ngaro tetahi mea i tika kia riro i ahau. Ko taku hoa mahi he mahi ki tētahi atu tangata, ehara i ahau. He hē kei roto i ahau"
• "Kāore au i te pai"Ka kitea e rātou tētahi atu tangata pai ake i ahau. Ka mahue ko au anake i te mea kei waho taku hoa e kimi ana i te whakamarie i roto i ētahi atu whanaungatanga."

Ka tāpiri atu ia, "Kāore e taea e koe te noho hei mea katoa ki te tangata kotahi". He tika tāna! He mea kore e taea e te tangata te whakatutuki i ō hiahia kare ā-roto me ō hiahia tinana katoa e te tangata kotahi, te whakatutuki rānei i ō tetahi atu. Nō reira, ko te mea ngaro ki te angitu o te marena/whanaungatanga maha-hoa ko te kore e whakatau i tō mana ake i te whārite o tō hoa me ō rāua hoa. 

4. Whakamahia te 'whakakotahitanga' i roto i tō marena maha-amorous

Me pēhea te whakamutu i te hae i roto i te marena maha? Hurihia tō hae hei whakataurite, he momo he here koreKo te aroha he momo harikoa aroha e pā ana ki a koe ina kite koe kei te pai tō hoa. Kei waho koe engari kāore tonu koe e hae. Inaa, e harikoa ana koe kei te harikoa tō hoa.

E ai ki Makasini GO, i ahu mai te kupu compersion i te mutunga o te tekau tau atu i 1980 i roto i tētahi hapori polyamorous o San Francisco e kiia nei ko Kerista. Heoi, he hītori tawhito, he hītori hohonu ake tō te ariā. Ko te kupu Sanskrit mōna ko 'mudita'.', ko tōna tikanga he "hari aroha", ko tētahi o ngā pou matua e whā o te whakapono Puta.

Ā, me pēhea te whakatipu i te whakataurite i roto i te marena whakaae kore-mono-wahine? Anei ētahi tohutohu:

• Tīmata mā te whakawhanake i te aroha, he pūkenga ki te aro atu ki ētahi atu
• Ina whakaatu tō hoa i te hae, kaua e ārai, engari whakarongo maia
• Kia mārama koe ehara te noho mai o tētahi atu tangata i te tūmomo mōrearea ki a koe

5. Kāore te tūhuratanga i te whanaungatanga maha e whakawehi i ngā hiahia o tāu tamaiti; engari ko te kore pumau

E kī ana a Deepak, "I mua noa atu i te te ariā o ngā whanaungatanga takitahi I te tīmatanga, ko te tamaiti te "tamaiti o te iwi". Kāore ia i te mōhio ko wai ngā mātua. I ētahi wā, ka mōhio te tamaiti ki tōna whaea engari kāore ki tōna pāpā.

"Nō reira, kāore te tamaiti e hiahia ana ki tētahi tāne me tētahi wahine hei whakatipu i a ia. Me aroha, me aro, me kai pai hoki. Me whai kaitiaki/kaitiaki pumau hei whakahaere i a rātou anō." Mēnā ka pērā tonu koe, kāore te noho tahi me te neke atu i te kotahi tangata e tū hei mōrearea ki te oranga hinengaro o āu tamariki."

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Pae Dating Polyamorous Pai rawa atu mō te tau 2022

6. Kaua e aro ki ngā mahi horoi roro a te hapori

E whakamārama ana a Deepak, "He ao whānui te ariā o te herenga takirua. Engari, he hanganga pāpori/ahurea te marena (he momo herenga takirua motuhake). He ariā nā te tangata. He pakiwaitara tēnei, nā te mea kei te mahi koe i te polyamory, ka mataku koe ki te herenga. Inaa, i roto i te whanaungatanga polyamory, he nui ake te nui o te herenga nā te mea he maha ngā tāngata e herea ana e koe."

Nō reira, kaua e hoko i ngā kōrero e horahia ana e te hapori. Whakahonoretia tō pono, ā, whiriwhiria ngā whārite e whakanui ana i te pai o tō whanaungatanga. Mena whanaungatanga noa mēnā he maha ngā hoa rangatira e hari ai koe, waiho mārika. Kāore he nama āu ki tētahi atu, ki te mea ko tō whanaungatanga aroha te wāhi haumaru e taea ai e koe te whakamātau me te tūhura. 

Hei whakamutunga, e kī ana a Deepak, "He mea koretake te noho tahi a te tokorua ki te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua marenatia, nā te mea ka nui ake ngā kare ā-roto e tūpono ana, ā, ka nui ake ngā raruraru pea. Ae, he nui ngā tūponotanga. Engari ki te pai te haere, he nui ake te hua o ngā whanaungatanga maha i ngā whanaungatanga kotahi."

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