Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakangawari i te Neke ki te Whare me tō Hoa Tāne

Kei te huri haere ngā wā…E ai ki ngā rangahau , ehara te neke tahi me tō hoa tāne i te mea tapu i ēnei rā. I waenganui i te tau 1965 me te tau 1974, 11% noa iho o ngā wāhine i noho tahi me tā rātou hoa i mua i tā rātou marena tuatahi. Engari, i piki ake taua tokomaha ki te 69% o ngā wāhine i waenganui i te tau 2010 me te tau 2013. Nō reira, ki te whakaaro koe ki te neke tahi, kaua e manukanuka, ehara koe i te hunga tokoiti i ēnei rā!

Āhea kōrua me tīmata te kōrero mō te neke tahi ki te whare noho? Ina aroha kōrua, ina whakawhirinaki hoki ki tō hoa rangatira. Mena kua pai te noho tahi me te haere tahi, kua tae pea te wā mō tēnei whakamātautau. Kaua e manukanuka, kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te kapi i ngā kaupapa katoa i mua i te neke tahi me te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro a Shazia Saleem (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga, te wehenga, me te whakarere.

Te neke tahi me tō hoa tāne - he aha tāu e tumanako atu ai?

He tino ngahau te noho tahi! He whai tikanga te taha pūtea, ā, he tino watea ake. Waihoki, ka puta he ahua o te herenga whaimana (ā, he whakamātautau pea i mua i te marena). He nui ake te ngahau o te tunu kai, te horoi, me te hokohoko i te noho tahi, mena ka kōrerohia, ka hangaia he pūnaha hei tohatoha i te kawenga e pai ana mō kōrua tokorua.

I a koe e whakarite ana ki te anga whakamua ki tēnei whakataunga nui o te ao, mā te whai i tētahi anga whānui mō ngā mea me mahi me ngā mea kāore e tika, ngā aratohu rānei mō te noho tahi hei whai māu, ka āwhina i te whakahaere i te wheako kia maeneene ake, kia whai hua hoki mō ngā hoa e rua. Engari, i mua i tō taenga ki taua wāhi o te whakamahere matatini me te ātaahua, me tino mohio koe kua rite koe mō tēnei taahiraa nui. Nō reira, ki te mea ko tāu pātai, "Me neke atu ahau ki te noho tahi me taku hoa tāne?", kua hangaia e mātou tēnei pātaitai hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i te whakautu:

I a koe e tākai ana i tō oranga ki roto i ētahi pouaka kātene tekau mā rua, tera pea ka kī koe i te harikoa o te urunga atu ki te aroha me te whanaungatanga tata kāore anō kia kitea. Ki te kore koe he tangata pūmau, e whiwhi tonu ana i ana hiahia, tera pea he rerekē te neke atu i tāu e tumanako ana:

1. Te tūmataitinga? He aha te tūmataitinga? Mai i te mimi me te tatau tuwhera me te whakataetae pūtu, me tumanako koe ki ngā wā ngahau me te kore tūmataitinga. Ki te mea kāore anō koe kia kite i ngā mea katoa, ka kite koe i muri i tō nekenga ki roto. Nō reira, ko te turanga mō te ngoikore/te whanaungatanga/te whakamarie
2. Kāore he wāhi hei haere i muri i te pakangaKi te mea ko koe te tangata e wehe atu ana i te pakanga hei whakamarie i a koe, kāore koe e whiwhi i taua momo taonga i ēnei rā. Ko tō rūma moe tōna rūma moe. Engari, me tumanako koe ki te kōrero mō ō raruraru ki a koe anō. Tukua he tono kaua e amuamu, ā, whakarongo mai me te hinengaro tuwhera.
3. Te āhua o te tokorua tawhito kua marenatiaKua kite koe i tō pāpā e rapu ana i ana mea mō ngā hāora, ā, ka kitea e tō whaea i roto i ngā hēkona? Me tumanako ka ngaro ngā mea, me tumanako ka rapu ohorere tō hoa tāne i tana rihi hiko e kitea ana kei roto tonu i te putanga o te pakitara, ā, ka tohu atu koe kia kitea e ia! Kaua e manukanuka, ko koe tōna kaiwhakaora, ā, ko ia tōu.
4. Rohe pōuriuri o ngā tautohetoheKāore koe e mōhio āhea ka taea e te tautohetohe mō te pepa wharepaku te huri i te ara hei pakanga hohonu ake. Ahakoa kua whakatauhia e koe tētahi raruraru i mua, ā, kua kī koe kua houhia te rongo ki a ia, ka taea e ia te hoki mai i roto i ngā huarahi kino. Engari kia mahara ki te whawhai ki ngā raruraru, kaua tetahi ki tetahi. Ā, kia mahara ki te hono anō i muri i te tautohetohe werawera
5. Ngā mamae o te hiakai me ērā atu mea katoaTērā pea kei te hiakai tonu koe. He hiahia kai pea, he hiahia moepuku rānei. Tērā pea ka pāngia koe e te hiakai. He maha ngā wā ka pāngia koe e te hiakai. Ka pā mai ō mamae hiakai i ngā hāora tino rerekē. Whakawhetai ki te Atua mō ngā haerenga roa i te 3'Or

Āhea koe me neke ki te noho tahi me tō hoa tāne?

He rerekē te aroha nui, he rerekē te noho tahi. Me whai taumata whakamarie tetahi ki tetahi kia taea ai e kōrua te moe tahi i te moenga pai, ā, kia kore ai e raruraru i ngā pūkahukahu me ngā kōroke. Kia pēhea te roa me tatari koe i mua i te neke tahi me tō hoa? Kāore e taea te whakatakoto i tētahi wā mō tēnei. Kei te taumata o te whanaungatanga me te kaha o te kare ā-roto e rite ana ki a kōrua. Engari, whakaarohia te neke tahi me tētahi hoa i te mutunga o ō tau 1920 me te tīmatanga o ō tau 20.

Koinei te wā ki te whakawhanake i tētahi tuakiri tūturu, me te mōhio pai ake ki a koe anō. Tērā pea he uaua ake te whai hoa noho tahi i tēnei wā. Nō reira, ki te neke tahi kōrua i te wā o ō tau kāreti, kia tupato kei ngaro koe i roto i te whanaungatanga . Mēnā ka neke wawe rawa atu kōrua, ka taumaha rawa, nā te mea ka tere haere, ka kaha haere hoki ngā mea katoa.

Nō reira, āhea rā te neke tahi? Mena kua noho tahi kōrua mō ngā wā poto, pērā i te noho i te mutunga wiki, i te haereere rānei, he tino whai hua te neke tahi. Ka āwhina hoki tēnei ki te penapena moni hei tokorua. Ko te utu reti mō ngā whare noho e rua i te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua i te wāhi kotahi te āhua nei kāore e whai hua. Waihoki, kua honoa te noho tahi i mua i te marena ki te whakahekenga o ngā reiti whakarere, e ai ki ngā rangahau . Nō reira, ko te noho tahi i mua i te marena ka taea te whakaiti i ō tupono ki te whakarere.

10 Ngā Tohutohu mō te Neke ki te Whare me tō Hoa Tāne

E ai ki ngā rangahau , kua heke te ōrau o ngā pakeke o Amerika kua mārena i tēnei wā mai i te 58% i te tau 1995 ki te 53%. I roto i taua wā anō, kua piki te ōrau o ngā pakeke e noho tahi ana me te hoa rangatira kāore anō kia mārena mai i te 3% ki te 7%. Ahakoa he iti iho te maha o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e noho tahi ana i tēnei wā i te hunga kua mārena, ko te ōrau o ngā pakeke 18 ki te 44 tau te pakeke kua noho tahi me te hoa rangatira kāore anō kia mārena i tētahi wā (59%) kua hipa ake i te hunga kua mārena (50%).

E kī ana a Shazia , "Ko te mea pai mō te noho tahi i mua i te marena, kāore he akiaki/here. E noho tahi ana kōrua, ehara i te mea nā te mea kei te herea kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, engari nā te mea e aroha ana kōrua tetahi ki tetahi."

Ki te nui rawa te neke tahi, ka ahua whakamataku. Nō reira, me whakatata atu ki tēnei me te marino. Kāore koe e mahi ana i tētahi mea e kore e taea te huri. Kei te whakamātau noa koe i tētahi mea hou me tō hoa. Mai i te noho tahi i te wharepaku ki te whakangāwari i a ia mō tōna wā mokemoke, anei ētahi tohutohu mō te noho tahi me te noho tonu i roto i te aroha :

1. Kāore he 'āwhina' engari he 'tohatoha'

Tohatohahia ngā mahi hei karo i ngā tautohetohe ā muri ake nei – te tunu kai, te horoi, te horoi kakahu, te hoko kai, te utu pire, me te whakarite mō ngā manuhiri o te whare mēnā he mea – i runga i te wātea me te pūkenga o ia hoa. Ka taea e kōrua te horoi rihi mō te wiki kotahi, ā, ka tukua ia ki te hoko kai, kātahi ka hurihia aua mahi i te wiki e whai ake nei.

2. Maka atu ngā mea

Kotahi tō kāpata me ngā momo kākahu o roto e rima tekau. Kua kī tonu te kāpata, ā, kua pau te wāhi hei penapena i ō taonga. Whakawāteahia he wā hei whakawātea i te kāpata i runga i tō maramataka. Whakaitihia te maha o ō kākahu nā te mea ka whakamahia te wāhi kotahi e te tokorua.

Me mātau koe ki te waihanga i tētahi wāhi rūma kakahu kia kore ai e waiho hei take tautohetohe tonu. Kohaina ngā mea kāore e hiahiatia ana e koe. Ka pā tika tēnei ki tō whanaungatanga. Kua whakaatuhia e ngā rangahau te pānga kino o te raruraru ki tō tātou hauora hinengaro.

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3. Ngā take pūtea

E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "Me wehewehe tika ngā whakapaunga katoa pēnei i te reti, te utu rānei mō te hoko whare i roto i te whanaungatanga noho tahi. Pērā ai, kāore tetahi e whakaaro kua tukinotia. Ki te kore, ka nui rawa te taumahatanga o te tangata e tiaki ana i ngā whakapaunga katoa i tētahi wā. I te wā roa, ka mutu ka ngenge/pōrearea rātou, ā, ka whakaaro pea kei te whakamahia e koe hei moni."

Kāore pea e hiahiatia he pūkete tahi mō te noho tahi i mua i te marena, engari me tiki tētahi mēnā kei te whakaaro koe koinei te mea pai mōu. Kāore he huarahi tika kotahi hei whakahaere moni mā te tokorua e noho tahi ana, engari kia tino tohatohahia e kōrua ngā pūtea i roto i te huarahi e kore ai tetahi e pēhia. Pātai atu ki tō hoa rangatira mēnā kei te tahuri ia i tētahi wāhanga o āna whiwhinga moni ki ngā penapena, ki te utu rānei i ngā nama kāri nama, whakaaturia ō ake rawa pūtea me ō nama, kātahi ka whakatakoto i tētahi wehewehenga tika o ngā whakapaunga.

Waihoki, i raro i ngā tikanga ture, ka taea e kōrua te haina i tētahi whakaaetanga kore-marena/noho tahi. Mā te kooti e whakatakoto ō kōrua tumanakohanga mō te pupuri tahi i ngā rawa, te tiaki i ngā tamariki, me te utu i ngā whakapaunga o te whare; ā, ka whakangāwari i te wehewehenga o ngā rawa mēnā ka wehe kōrua.

4. Kia whai oranga koe

E ai ki a Shazia, "Kaua e wareware ki te tuku wāhi ki a koutou anō , kaua hoki e takahi i ngā rohe o te noho tahi." Tērā pea he haere takitahi, he hokohoko takitahi i roto i te toa hokohoko, he kai takitahi i te wharekai, he oma me ngā taringa, he pānui pukapuka, he inu takitahi rānei i tētahi pae inu. Kia noho hei hoa pai mōu. Kimihia tō kāinga i roto i a koe anō. Ako ki te pārekareka ki tō hoa. Mā tēnei, ka taea e koe te karo i ētahi raruraru whanaungatanga i muri i te neke tahi.

Kaua ō kōrua oranga e huri tetahi ki tetahi. Mā te noho tahi ka kite tonu kōrua tetahi i tetahi, engari ehara i te mea me noho tonu tō hoa tāne i ngā wā katoa ka karangatia ō hoa. Whakapā atu ki ngā wāhine ina hiahia koe, ā, tukua ia kia pērā anō me āna hoa. Ki te wareware kōrua ki te whai i tō ake oranga i muri i te neke tahi, ka hoha kōrua tetahi ki tetahi.

5. Kia rite koe mō tētahi putanga tino rerekē o tō hoa tāne

He tino reka ia? Me pēhea tana whakahaere i te pēhanga? E tumanako ana ia kia nui ake āu mahi whare i a ia? He hoa tāne pōuri ia ? Ka kitea e koe he maha ngā āhuatanga kāore anō kia kitea o te tuakiri o tō hoa. E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "Ina hoki te tangata ki te kāinga ki tōna ake wāhi/whakamarie, he tino rerekē rātou i te wā e whakakakahu ana rātou, e haere ana ki waho."

"E kitea ana te taumaha o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki tō hoa tāne, mai i te wharepaku ki te rūma moe, mai i ngā urunga ki ngā taonga whaiaro. He wheako hou rawa te whakaritenga katoa. Engari me pēhea te pai o tō whakaae ki aua huringa? Ka taea e koe te mahi i tēnei me te ātaahua?" Kia manawanui, kaua hoki e tere te whakahē. Ae, ko ētahi o ngā whanonga me ngā āhuatanga o tō hoa rangatira ka ahua whakarihariha, ka whakarihariha hoki i te tīmatanga, engari ā tōna wā ka whakaae koe ki aua whanonga, ka ako rānei koe ki te noho tahi me aua whanonga. Hoatu he wā.

6. Whakaaetia he iti

Nō reira, tūtaki ki waenganui. Ki te mea ko koe te tangata e hiahia ana ki te horoi me te whakahāngai i ana tarau me te horoi i ngā rīhi i taua wā tonu, me tango e koe te mahi horoi. Tukua tō hoa tāne ki te hokohoko me te whakahaere i ngā mahi. Kāore e taea e koe te mahi i ngā mea i ngā wā katoa e pai ana ki a koe.

Whakatauhia he aha ngā mea ka taea e koe te whakaae, me ngā mea kāore e taea . Hei tauira, ka taea e koe te tuku i tētahi tautohetohe mō te tūranga o te tēpu rūma noho, engari kaua e waiho tō mana motuhake. Kia tuwhera ki ngā whakaaro, ā, tukua tō hoa tāne kia whai whakaaro mō ētahi mea. Kia maumahara: he whare noho tahi tēnei.

E whakaae ana a Shazia, ā, e kī ana ia, "Ko te neke tahi me tō hoa rangatira ehara i te mea me whakaae kōrua. Engari me urutau/whakataurite koe kia kotahi ai ō whakaaro. Me tuku patunga tapu koe kia noho tahi ai kōrua. Engari kāore e taea e koe te whakaae ki ngā mea pēnei i te wāhi whaiaro me ngā pūnaha uara. Ki te ngana tetahi ki te whakakino i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō me tō mana ake, ki te whakaiti rānei i a koe, ka 'whakataurite' koe i roto i ēnei āhuatanga. Koinei te wā me tū pakari koe, me tū ake mōu ake."

7. He pai te moe riri

Nā te whawhai i te ahiahi i moe ai koe i runga i te tūru? Pai. He mea noa te whawhai me te riri ina noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa tāne. He pai pea tēnei mahi mō tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Engari he uaua te whakaaro me aha i muri i te whawhai .

Whakarongo mai, kāore koe e hiahia kia noho mataara tae noa ki te 3 karaka i te ata ki te whakatau i tētahi tautohe. I ētahi wā, he mea pai kia moe tonu. Ka taea te whakahaere i ngā take i tautohetia e koe i runga i te whakaaro nui ake ina okioki pai koe, ā, i roto i te hinengaro marino atu i te wā e ngenge ana koe, e pouri ana hoki mō te iti o te moe ka whiwhi koe.

Ina hoki, e kī ana a Shazia, "He mea maori ngā pakanga ina noho tahi kōrua. Kaua e ngana ki te karo i ngā pakanga. Mā te pupuri i ngā mea i roto i a koe, kaua e whakapuaki, ka kino pea ā muri ake nei. I tētahi rā, ka pahū koe pērā i te puia, ā, ka kino te āhua o ngā mea. Nō reira, he pai ake te whakatau i ngā take, me te kore e whakaute/tūkino i tō hoa. Ahakoa ngā take nunui ake, ka taea te whakatau mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora. Ko tāu noa iho he whakapuaki i a koe i roto i te huarahi tika, mārama hoki."

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8. Ngā huringa o te oranga ā-ira tangata

E kī ana a Shazia, "Ka hoha te moe tahi me te tangata kotahi ina waiho hei hiahia tinana/hiahia tinana. Ko te kī ki te moe tahi whakamere ko te whakapakari i tō hononga kare ā-roto mā te whakapau wā ki tō hoa. Ina herea koe ki te kare ā-roto ki tētahi, kotahi noa te titiro ka nui hei tuku i te wiri ki raro i tō tuaiwi. Kia aro/aroha ki tō hoa, ā, kia pai ki ngā wā poto. Mā tēnei whanaungatanga kare ā-roto ka noho whakamere tō oranga moe tahi."

Ina memeha haere te āhua hou o te noho ki roto, ka rerekē anō hoki te ao moepuku. Ka heke, ka piki, ka puta anō hoki ētahi wā ka kore koe e moepuku mō ngā rā/wiki. Kia mōhio koe he pai noa iho. Ka taea e koe te whakarite i te moepuku i runga i ngā maramataka tahi, me te kore e whakaaro kē ki tēnā.

Mā te piki me te heke o te hiahia moepuku ka pātai pea koe mō te tika o te whanaungatanga. Engari he mea noa ake i tō whakaaro. He mea noa te wheako i tēnei huringa nā te mea kāore he mea o te ao e mau tonu ana, e tino tika ana hoki. Me mahi koe kia tutuki ai. Mēnā kei te ruarua koe, kōrero ki tō hoa tāne. Me whakapai ake pea tō oranga moepuku mā te whakamātautau i ngā taonga tākaro, ngā mahi whakaari, me ērā atu mea?

9. Haere tonu te whakaipoipo

He māmā noa te mutu te ngana ki te ātaahua ina kite kōrua tetahi i tetahi e hikoi haere ana i roto i tētahi T-hate me te paru e toru wiki te pakeke. Engari ka pā kino pea tēnā ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga i te mutunga. Ahakoa kei te noho tahi kōrua i tētahi wāhi , kakahuria kia ātaahua, ka haere ki waho mō ngā tina, ki ngā kiriata, me ngā haerenga roa.

Tērā pea ka noho noa iho te noho tahi, ā, ka rite pea ki te mea kua mārena kē kōrua, engari kaua e tukua kia memeha te harikoa o te aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono. Kaua e tukua te oranga pakeke, te mahi me te noho tata ki te whakapōrearea i te wairua o te whakaipoipo. Kia mau tonu te mura o tō whanaungatanga mā te whakapau i te wā kounga ki tō hoa.

10. Kaua e tukua ngā āwangawanga kia pā ki a koe

I ētahi wā, ka tipu ake ngā āwangawanga ina neke tahi te tangata ki te noho tahi. He tikanga tōu ki te tuku karere ki te tangata tae noa ki te pō? E whakaaro ana tō hoa tāne he tinihanga iti ēnei kōrerorero pō ki ngā tāne rerekē ? Mēnā i pērā anō ia, ka pai rānei koe? Ka taea e ēnei mea riri iti te huri hei take nui mēnā kāore e tika te whakahaere. Kia tino whakarite kia whakapuakina te pono me te tuwhera o te kōrero i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ā, kia mārama hoki kia kore ai he wāhi mō ngā āwangawanga iti.

He taahiraa nui te neke ki roto i te whare o tō hoa tāne, kaua hoki e tangohia noatia. Ina noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa tāne i roto i te wāhi kotahi, me whai whakaaro pai, me whai kōrero hoki. Kaua e wareware ki te kōrero mō ngā take e whakararuraru ana i a koe, kaua e mangere ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me ō whakaaro, ā, i runga ake i ngā mea katoa, kia tino hiahia koe ki te neke ki roto.

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Ka taea e te neke tahi te whakangaro i te whanaungatanga?

Kāo, kāore te neke tahi e whakangaro i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Engari ka whakamārama i te āhua tūturu o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, ka kitea te kaha o tō kōrua hononga. Ka kaha rawa, ka taumaha rawa, ā, ka piki haere pea ngā pakanga. Engari, mā te neke tahi ka mate te whanaungatanga mēnā ka tukua kia pērā. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakaaro ana ki te neke hei whakamātautau i tō rāua rite mō te marena . Ina titiro tonu koe ki te wheako hei aromatawai mēnā ka taea e kōrua te ora tahi i te wā roa, ka tīmata te kitea o ngā mea riri iti.

Tērā ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine e noho tahi ana, engari kāore e whakatau kia moe tahi nā te mea e mōhio ana rātou he rite rātou ki te tioka me te tiihi. I tētahi atu taha, he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakatata ana i a rātou e noho tahi ana. Nō reira, tera pea kei roto kōrua ko tō hoa tāne i te wāhanga tuarua. Ki te pai tā kōrua kōrero, ka taea e kōrua te whakamahi i tēnei whai wāhitanga ki te mōhio ki a kōrua anō, me te mōhio ki a kōrua anō hoki.

Mō te neke tahi ki te whare, kua kite ahau he kino rawa ngā āhuatanga i ētahi wā mēnā ka wehe te tokorua. Ka tautohetohe ngā hoa mō ngā mea iti pēnei i ngā taonga me ngā kaikorero Nihokikorangi. Nō reira, he pai ake te kōrero i mua i tēnei mea, nā te mea ki te hē te whanaungatanga, ā, ki te whakatau kōrua ki te wehe, kāore kōrua e noho i roto i te āhua kare ā-roto hei whakatau whakaaro nui mō te whakakore i tā kōrua whakaritenga noho tahi. 

E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "E kore te noho tahi e whakangaro i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Engari ko te takahi i ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi, te wawahi i te whakawhirinaki, me te kore whakaute tetahi ki tētahi, koinei ngā tohu tino kino e whakangaro ana i te hononga. Ahakoa ka neke atu kōrua , kia ātaahua te mahi, me te kore whakaute. Ki te taea e te tokorua te noho tahi, ka taea hoki e rāua te wehe."

Hei whakamutunga, mā te neke tahi ki te noho tahi, ehara i te mea ka nui ake te ngahau o tō kōrua hononga, engari ka hohonu ake hoki. Ka mōhio kōrua ki a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira i tētahi taumata hou. Whakamahia te wā pai rawa atu!

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Whiringa-ā-rangi 2022.

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