He aha te 'Au o te Hononga Pute', ā, he aha i kino ai?

I te rongonga tuatahi o Rochelle i te kupu 'whanaungatanga pōke', kāore ia i mārama. I whakamārama mai āna hoa ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te huna a te hoa i a ia, i tō rāua whanaungatanga rānei i te ao. Kātahi anō ia ka mōhio kua pāngia ia e tēnei āhuatanga. I whakaae te nuinga o āna hoa kua noho rātou i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ōrite i tētahi wā o ō rātou oranga. I ētahi wā, i angitu aua whanaungatanga. I ētahi wā kāore.

Kāore i rerekē te wheako o Rochelle. I te tīmatanga o te whakaipoipo a Rochelle i a Aron, ka whakatau rāua kia hunaia te mea nā te mea he tari kotahi tā rāua mahi, ā, kāore i pai ki te hunga e aroha ana ki te tari. I kite anō hoki ia i tētahi atu hoa mahi, a Archie, e whawhai tonu ana rāua ko Aron, ā, i kīia e Aron he hae. I tētahi pāti, ka kitea e Rochelle tētahi Archie haurangi e kōrero ana ki a ia kua whakaipoipo anō hoki a Aron i a ia. Ā, pērā i a Rochelle, i kī atu a Aron ki a Archie kia hunaia te mea.

Heoi anō, i tino huna rawatia e au taku hoa rangatira i taku wā e piripono ana ki taku tāne, nā te mea kāore taku pāpā i whakaae ki a ia. Engari, i whai hua mōku. Nō reira, me pēhea te whakatau mēnā he kino te mahi pōke? Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto, hei āwhina i a tātou kia mārama.

He aha te whanaungatanga putea?

Ko te whanaungatanga pōke he whanaungatanga e tono ana te hoa kia huna rawatia ō rāua whanaungatanga. Ko te kupu pōke, arā, ko te pupuri i te tangata ki roto i te pōke, kei te kitea i ēnei rā i runga i te Ipurangi. Engari, me mōhio koe ki ngā āhuatanga katoa i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakaaro, "Kei te pōke taku hoa tāne i ahau?"

Tākuta Bhonsle e kī ana, ehara i te tohu kino i ngā wā katoa mēnā kāore tō hoa rangatira e tino whakapuaki ana i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Ehara i te mea i te mea nō te riri tonu, engari nō te wehi, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te nui rawa o te haruru." Heoi, ka kino te mahi pōke mena kāore ngā whakaaro o tō hoa e aro. Me tirotiro koe ki ēnei tohu hei whakatau mēnā kua pōkea koe e tō hoa rangatira:

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1. Te makariri i te aroaro o te marea

E whakahē ana tō hoa i te PDA? E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko tētahi tohu nui kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga tahae moni ko te koretake o te aroha o tō hoa i te aroaro o te marea." Ka tino makariri rātou, ā, ka kore e aro ki a koe mēnā ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi e mōhio ana rātou. Kāore rātou e whakaatu i a koe ki a rātou. Ina pātai koe mō ēnei tāngata, ka tahuri ke rātou, ka karo hoki i te kōrero ko wai rātou.

2. Te kore o te mihi i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori

Ahakoa ehara i te mea ko te tuku kōrero mō ō rātou oranga aroha te whakaaro o te katoa mō te whakapau kaha ki te hono atu ki tētahi atu i runga ipurangi, mō te nuinga o ngā taiohi, he mea nui tēnei hei aromatawai i te hauora me te pono o tētahi whanaungatanga. rangahau E kī ana tēnei ko te hunga i waenga i te 18 ki te 29 tau te hunga e whakamahi ana i te pāpāho pāpori hei whakaatu i ō rātou oranga aroha. He nui ake hoki te tūponotanga ka whakatau rātou i ō rātou whanaungatanga i runga i ngā mea e kitea ana e rātou i runga i te pāpāho pāpori. Mēnā kei roto tō hoa i tēnei reanga tau, he kaha rānei ki te pāpāho pāpori engari kāore e tuku kōrero mōu, kua tino tahaetia koe e rātou.

3. Ngā kupu taurangi mō te huna

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko tētahi atu huarahi e huna ai te whanaungatanga ko te tono i tā rātou hoa kia whakaari kāore ia i roto i te whanaungatanga." Tērā pea ka whakahuahia e tō hoa ngā take pēnei i te whānau whakahē, ngā hoahoa uaua rānei, ā, ka ngana ki te whakauru atu i a koe ki te mea ngaro, pērā i te take o Rochelle.

4. Te wehenga mai i ngā hoa me te whānau

Ahakoa he tohu whaiaro te pāpāho pāpori, me whakaaro koe mēnā kei roto koe i tō hoa rangatira. Mātakitaki mēnā ka karo ia i te kōrero mō tōna whānau, mō ōna hoa rānei, ka karo rānei ia i te whakarite i tētahi mahere hei whakamōhio i a koe ki a rātou. Heoi, ko te tūtaki ki te whānau he tohu i tētahi whanaungatanga nui me te nui o te whakapau kaha, i te iti rawa rānei o te hiahia ki te whakapau kaha. Nō reira, kaua e hokohoko nui ki te kimi taonga. ngā koha mō ngā mātua o tō hoa rangatira, ki te whakaaro koe e hiahia ana rātou kia tūtaki koe ki a rātou i muri tata iho i te toru wiki o te whakawhanaungatanga.

He pēhea te mahi a te mahi pōke i roto i te whakaipoipo? 

He maha ngā wā he hononga pōke, he hononga huna rānei, he tikanga kino. Nā te mea, he aha te tangata e huna ai i tana hononga, e kore ai rānei e whakaatu ki tana hoa i te aroaro o te marea mēnā e aroha ana ia ki a koe? Engari, he maha ngā wā he uaua ake ngā mea i tēnā. He mea tika kia huna ngā mea mēnā kei te tīmatanga tonu te hononga, engari kaua mēnā kei te whakaae kōrua ki ō kōrua kare ā-roto. Nō reira, mēnā kei te whakaaro koe, "He aha taku hoa tāne e pōke ana i ahau?", "He aha taku hoa wahine kāore e hiahia ki te whakapuaki i ngā mea?", me whakaaro koe ki ēnei take:

1. Kei te tūtaki rātou ki tētahi atu

"Kei te tahaetia ahau e taku tāne?" "He aha te take e hiahia ai taku wahine/hoa wahine ki te huna i te whanaungatanga?" "He aha te take e mataku ai taku hoa ki te awhi i tā māua whanaungatanga i te aroaro o te marea?" Mena kei te whakaaroaro koe ki ēnei pātai, tera pea ehara ko koe anake i roto i te oranga o tō hoa wahine. 

Ko te hunga e whakaipoipo ana i ngā hoa maha, i te hunga rānei e hono tonu ana ki ā rātou hoa o mua, ka huna pea i a koe mēnā kāore rātou e hiahia kia mōhio ō rātou hoa tata ki a koe. He mea anō hoki tēnei he tohu kei roto koe i te whanaungatanga whakaoraE mea ana anō a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ki te mea kei te rapu takirua koe i tētahi, me waiho kia iti rawa ngā tohu e taea ana, me kore e taea te whai i tō wāhi noho. Nō reira, me rapu tonu i aua tohu i mua i te whakatau." 

Mātakitaki mēnā kei te huna rawa tō hoa, mēnā kei te tohe tonu rātou kia tūtaki ki tō whare noho anake, mēnā kei te aro nui rātou ki ngā mea pēnei i te wāhi kei reira ā rātou taputapu, mēnā rānei kei te tawai, kei te whakahihi rānei i ō hiahia aroha. Ko te hunga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pōke moni ka whakapau kaha kia kore ai koe e tata atu ki tō rātou taiao.

2. He aha te take e huna ai e tetahi tana whanaungatanga? Te wehi kei whakahengia ia, kei whakahāweatia hoki.

E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te tino whiriwhiri i ngā pāpāho pāpori he rautaki whakaaro nui pea mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te karo i te whakaaro kino ki te ahurea me te pāpori. Tērā pea ka pai ake te tangata ki ngā whanaungatanga tahae moni nā te hae i roto i te porowhita pāpori kotahi, e kitea ana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga taiohi. I roto rānei i ngā whanaungatanga tari i reira he te aroha whakaae i te wāhi mahi "tērā pea ka pā ki tō ahua mahi, ka karanga rānei mō te wawaotanga a te HR" He mea mōhio tēnei ki te euphoria ngā pā, e maumahara ana ki te tapatoru Maddie-Nate-Cassie. 

Hei tāna anō, "He maha ngā momo kīwaha me ngā momo whakaaro tawhito a te tangata e whakaaetia ana e rātou, ā, e whakamahia ana hei whakanoho i a koe ki roto i te pouaka. Kāore ētahi e hiahia ana kia tirotirohia e ō rātou whānau, inā koa i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori e ngana ana te katoa ki te takaro hei kaitirotiro tauhou."

"Hei tauira, ki te kitea e tetahi kei roto i ōna tau ono tekau te pakeke, tera pea ka wehi ia kei whakahengia ia e te tangata," tana whakamārama. Tērā pea koinei te take mena kāore tō hoa rangatira e pai ki te whakaatu i tōna hiahia ira tangata ki te katoa. Ina koa he whānau matatika tōna, ā, kāore pea e tautoko i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

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3. He papamuri kino tō rātou

Tērā pea he whānau whakahē, he hoa rānei tō rātou e mataku ana kei pā kino ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka puta he hiahia mō te whanaungatanga pōke moni nā ngā rerekētanga pāpori-ōhanga i waenga i ngā hoa. He pono anō hoki tēnei mēnā kāore he whānau noa iho pērā i te matua tāne nō te Yakuza, i te matua kēkē rānei kua mauheretia. Ahakoa he iti noa iho te āhua ki a koe, tera pea ka whakama rātou ki ō rātou whānau, ā, ka mataku hoki i tō whakatau. 

4. Ngā wheako mamae o mua

Tērā pea kua noho tō hoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i mua, ā, kāore ia e hiahia ki te whakaae ki te whanaungatanga i mua i tōna tino haumaru. Tērā pea he āhua hē tēnei ki a koe mēnā e aroha ana koe ki a ia, engari ko te ka puta mai ngā raruraru whanaungatanga mō te wa roa i te mamae o te tukino ā-ira tangataMe rapu koe i ngā tohu o te mamae pēnei i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te kare ā-roto, te manukanuka, te whanonga whakangaro rānei i a koe anō kia tino mōhio ai koe ki tēnei. 

5. Ngā take haumaru

Mena nō te whānau tino whai rawa tō hoa rangatira, he āwangawanga rānei mō te haumarutanga, ka hiahia rātou kia ngaro koe i te tirohanga a te hunga e hiahia ana ki te whakamahi i a koe hei whara i a rātou. Koinei tētahi o ngā take nui e kore ai e whakaatuhia e te nuinga o ngā whetu rongonui ō rātou whanaungatanga ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe "He aha taku tāne e tahae ana i ahau?", whakaarohia mēnā ko te āhua o tana mahi, ko tōna papamuri rānei te take.

6. He mea whakahihiri ki a rātou

He tokomaha te hunga e uru ana ki tētahi whanaungatanga pōkehe mō te whakahihiri o te huna, ahakoa e kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Kei roto i te rōpū taiohi anake te whakaaro he mea hou te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he momo tikanga whakawhiti ki te ao pakeke." Tērā pea he take anō mēnā he mea hou tonu tō whanaungatanga, ā, kei te kāore i te tino mōhio ki te whanaungatanga.

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He mea nui kia mōhiotia ko te huna i te hoa rangatira i te ao tūmatanui, he rerekē i te whanaungatanga tūmataiti i roto i ngā āhuatanga maha. He maha ngā tāngata e huna ana i ō rātou whanaungatanga hei tiaki i ō rātou hoa mai i te tirotiro kino. Nō reira, āhea ka tīmata te mahi kino i te whanaungatanga? Anei ētahi tohu e rima e whakaatu ana kua horapa te huna o tō whanaungatanga ki tētahi rohe kino:

1. Pānga ki te oranga hinengaro

rangahau e kī ana ko te nui haere o te huna i te whanaungatanga ka hono pea ki te iti o te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga me te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō. I hono atu anō tēnei ki te hauora ngoikore me te oranga hinengaro o te hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. I whakamāramahia e tēnei rangahau ka taea e te whanaungatanga tahae moni te arahi ki ngā tohu pēnei i te manukanuka me te mataku, ā, nō reira ka kiia he kino ki te hauora o te hunga e whai wāhi ana, inā koa ko te mea e hunaia ana.

2. Te kore whakaute nā te kore ingoa

He tokomaha te hunga e whakaaro ana he mea whakarihariha te noho puku i roto i te whanaungatanga pōke, nā te mea e whakama ana tā rātou hoa ki a rātou. I roto i ētahi ahurea, he mea whakarihariha te kore e mōhiotia te hoa i te aroaro o te marea. Tērā pea ka ara ake tēnei i te kore haumaru.

3. Ka taea e te pōke te whai hua kino

I te taenga mai o ngā pāpāho pāpori, kua noho noa te tumanako ki te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero aroha o te tangata ki runga ipurangi. He tokomaha e kite ana i tēnei hei whakaae ki te hiahia o te tangata ki te whanaungatanga. Ko te kore whakaae ki tēnei Ka pā pea te pāpāho pāpori ki tō whanaungatanga nā te mea ka puta pea he raruraru ā-haumaru. Heoi, e whakatūpato ana a Tākuta Bhonsle mō tēnei, "He whiringa whaiaro te tuku kōrero ki ngā pāpāho pāpori. Kāore pea te katoa e hiahia ki te whakatairanga i ō rātou whanaungatanga, nō reira me rapu tonu koe i ētahi atu tohu."

4. Te kore o te tautoko pāpori

Kāore pea ngā hoa i roto i tētahi hononga pōke e kitea te tautoko pāpori e hiahiatia ana mēnā kāore ngā mea i waenganui i a rātou e pai. He tokomaha kāore e rapu tautoko i te wehi i te whakahawea mō te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka uaua pea te kimi tautoko kare ā-roto i muri i te wehenga.

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5. Te tinihanga me ngā utu whanaungatanga

rangahau kua whakaarohia he pai pea te huna i ngā whanaungatanga mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine hou, engari i te wā roa, ka kino te hononga o te tāne me te wāhine. Heoi, i tēnei take, i kite anō ngā kairangahau i tētahi raruraru whakamere i roto i ngā whanaungatanga huna, arā, ko te utu whanaungatanga. Ka nui te utu mō te whai hononga huna nā te mea me uru atu koe ki ngā wāhi e whakarato ana i te tūmataitinga. Tērā pea ka tīmata tēnei utu tāpiri ki te ahua taumaha ki te whanaungatanga.

Hei whakakore i te āwangawanga e puta mai ana i roto i te whanaungatanga pōke, e tohe ana a Tākuta Bhonsle kia kaha te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. E mea ana ia, "Me whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i waenga i ngā hoa mō ngā tawhā e hiahiatia ana i roto i te whanaungatanga kia rongo ai te tangata i te aroha me te whakamihi. He tino takitahi ēnei tawhā, ā, tera pea ka uru atu ki roto, kāore rānei, ngā mea pēnei i te whakamihi a te marea, te tuku pānuitanga pāpāho pāpori rānei." 

"Ki te mea he tino huna tō hoa, pērā i te kore e whakaatu i a koe ki ōna hoa, ki tōna whānau rānei, ā, e whakaaro ana koe kāore e taea e koe te manawanui, he pai ake te kōrero mō tō hiahia kia whakamihihia ia e rātou," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle. Ki te mea ka ārai rātou i a rātou anō, ā, kāore e taea te whakamana i tō āwangawanga, kua tae pea te wā ki te whakaaro anō ki tō whanaungatanga. 

Mena kua pōhēhē koe i te mauheretia i roto i te pōke, ā, kei te rapu tohutohu koe, ngā kaitohutohu pūkenga me ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro raihana i runga i te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mātou hei āwhina. Nā te mea kaua tetahi e ngaro te moe me te whakaaro "He aha te tangata e huna ai i tana whanaungatanga?" me te "He aha ia te kore ai e hiahia ki te pupuri i tā tāua whanaungatanga?"

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