Kulumikizananso ndi munthu wakale mudakali pabanja ndi nkhani yovuta. Mutha kulankhula naye kapena kuyankha mawu awo akuti 'kwa nthawi yayitali simunawonepo' chifukwa muli ndi mbiri ndi munthuyu. Chikhumbo chofuna kupitirizabe kugwirizana ndi munthuyo kapena kumutsitsimutsa ngakhale patatha zaka zambiri ndi chachibadwa. Koma chifukwa cha kuthekera kwa malingaliro osathetsedwa, ngakhale simukumva choncho poyamba, muyenera kuganizira mozama: Kodi kubwereranso ndi chikondi chakale chomwe chilinso pabanja ndi lingaliro labwino?
Kuti timvetse bwino zoopsa zobwereranso ku chibwenzi ndi munthu wakale, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam (katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association). Iye wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthetsa mavuto awo a ubale kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri.
Zina mwa zoopsa zazikulu zomwe zingabwere chifukwa choyambiranso chibwenzi ndi wakale wanu mukakhala pabanja ndi izi:
- Kugwirizana ndi wakale mwangozi
- Kusweka kwa chikhulupiriro pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu
- Chibwenzi chosaloledwa
- Mabanja osokonezeka
- Kusokeretsa wakale
Kulumikizananso ndi An Ex Ali Pabanja - Zimene Ikunena Zokhudza Inu
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Anthu amadziwa kale kuti kubwereranso ndi chibwenzi chanu chakale muli pabanja kungakhale chinsinsi chotsegulira bokosi la Pandora m'moyo wanu. Ngakhale zili choncho, nkhani za mkazi wokwatiwa akulankhula ndi chibwenzi chake chakale kapena mwamuna wokwatiwa akulankhula ndi chibwenzi chake chakale sizimamveka. Pamene chikondi chachikale chibwerera, anthu ambiri amavutika kuti asayankhe pa zomwe akuchita, ngakhale kuti amaona kuti ndi bwino. Ndipotu, chifukwa cha malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi ukadaulo, izi zikukhala zofala kwambiri kuposa kale.
Kotero, mukamalankhula ndi chibwenzi chanu chaunyamata, ngakhale mutadziwa zotsatira zake, kodi chimanena chiyani za inu? Kavita akuti, "Kulumikizananso kapena kulankhula ndi wakale mutakhala pabanja kumadalira kwambiri momwe ukwati ulili."
- Ngati banja likuona kusowa kwa malingaliro, zakuthupi, zauzimu, zachuma, kapena ubwenzi waluntha, ndiye kuti munthu wachitatu akhoza kulowa mosavuta mu mgwirizanowu kuti adzaze kusiyana kumeneku. Nthawi zambiri, m'mikhalidwe yotereyi, anthu amaona kuti n'kosavuta kudalira ndi kudalira wakale amene mumagawana naye kale ubale wabwino komanso womasuka kuposa munthu wosamudziwa n'komwe.
- Izi ndi zomwe zimachitikanso kwa anthu omwe amamva kuti ali okha m'banja mwawo, omwe akukhala moyo wawo ngati kuti akadali osakwatira. Kukwatiwa ndi munthu wodzikonda kapena kusakhala ndi mnzawo wachifundo komanso wokoma mtima kungakhale zinthu zomwe zimayambitsa kusungulumwa kumeneku zomwe zingayambitse njira yobwereranso ndi munthu wakale.
- Timaonanso zochitika pamene chidwi chofuna kudziwa 'zomwe zikanatheka' chimachititsa anthu kutsegula chitseko kwa akazi awo akale. Sangathe kupirira kusatsimikizika kosadziwika momwe zinthu zikanakhalira ngati ubale wawo wakale ukanakhalapo.
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Komabe, Kavita amakhulupiriranso kuti zomwe kubwereranso ndi chikondi chachinyamata zimanena za munthu si za ena.
- Anthu awiri akuyenda mumsewu umenewo
- Mikhalidwe yawo
- Ndipo kuthekera kwawo kuthana ndi zotsatira zake kapena kuthawa osavulazidwa ndi kulumikizana koteroko
Kuopsa Kwa Kulumikizananso Ndi Chikondi Chakale Yemwe Wakwatiwa
Sizitenga nthawi kuti anthu agwere m'dzenje loti akumanenso ndi munthu wakale ali pabanja. Kuvomereza pempho la ubwenzi kapena kulowa mu DM ya munthu wina , kapena kukumana ndi mabwenzi ogwirizana kumabweretsa:
- Kulumikizanso
- Kutumizirana mameseji usiku kwambiri
- Kukopana kopanda vuto lililonse
Mukudziwa zina zonse. Kukumananso ndi munthu wakale patatha zaka zambiri kumabweretsa lonjezo la chitonthozo komanso chisangalalo chosewera ndi moto. Komabe, kubwereranso ndi munthu wakale mudakali pabanja kumabweretsanso zoopsa zambiri, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhala izi:
1. Kukondana kwambiri
Mukakumananso ndi munthu wakale, chiopsezo chakuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba mtima sichingapitirire. Malinga ndi Kavita, zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kuti mukuyamba kukondana ndi munthu wakale amene mwakhala mukugwirizana naye ndi izi:
- Kulemberana nawo mameseji pafupipafupi
- Kulankhula pa foni kwa nthawi yaitali
- Kufulumira kuyankha malemba awo nthawi yomweyo
- Kufunika kogawana chilichonse chaching'ono cha moyo wanu ndi wakale wanu
- Kutuluka m'chipinda / m'nyumba mwanu kuti mutumize chikondi chotayika
"Uyu ndi munthu amene mumagawana naye kale zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani, kotero palibe amene akumva kufunika kochita zinthu pang'onopang'ono. Kaya nthawi yapita bwanji, mutha kungoyambiranso zomwe mudasiya kapena kumanga ubale watsopano kutengera zomwe mudagawana kale,"
– Kavita Panyam, Katswiri wa Zamaganizo a Uphungu
2. Kuphwanya kukhulupirirana m’banja
Pakhoza kukhala zambiri zobisika maganizo pa sewero pamene reconnecting ndi wokonda wakale pamene anali m'banja kapena ngakhale wotsatira bwenzi, amene mungasankhe kuvomereza chifukwa kutsitsimutsa kugwirizana ndi otayika chikondi amamva bwino, ngakhale mukudziwa kuti mnzanu panopa sangayamikire izo. Kulumikizananso ndi chikondi chakale amene ali pabanja kungakhale kuphwanya kukhulupirirana kwanu pazifukwa izi:
- Mudzabisa zokambirana ndi bwenzi lanu lakale kwa mnzanu wapano
- Kudalira kwambiri maganizo pa wokondedwa wanu wakale kudzabweretsa mavuto m'banja lanu lamakono
- Ngakhale litakhala bodza mwangozi, mudzasokoneza kukhulupirirana muukwati wanu
- Chisangalalo cha kuyambiranso kwa chibwenzi kapena zifukwa zina (monga ukwati wosakhutiritsa) zingayambitse chibwenzi kunja
3. Kuopsa kwa chibwenzi
Kodi kubwereranso ndi chibwenzi chakale ndi lingaliro labwino pamene kuthekera kwa izi kungayambitse chibwenzi kuli kofala? Sikuti mkazi wokwatiwa akulankhula ndi chibwenzi chakale kapena mwamuna wokwatiwa kulankhula ndi chibwenzi chakale nthawi zonse kumayamba ndi cholinga chonyenga mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.
"Angachite izi chifukwa cha chidwi kapena pofuna kubwezera zomwe zikusowa muukwati kapena kungosunga gawo lawo lomwe sililipo,"
– Kavita Panyam, Katswiri wa Zamaganizo a Uphungu
Koma kubwereranso ndi munthu wakale mudakali pabanja kuli ngati kubwezeretsa chikondi chomwe munataya. Chiwopsezocho chimawonjezeka ndipo chingayambitse mavuto pamene:
- Zotsalira zilizonse zomwe muli nazo zitha kukhala patsogolo kuposa kupanga zisankho zanzeru
- Chisangalalo choyambirira cholankhula ndi chikondi chomwe munasiya kwanthaŵi yaitali chingatsogolere mwamsanga ku chinachake chakuthupi
- Mungafune kumangirira nsonga za m’mbuyo ndi kugonja ku mayesero
- Kulumikizananso ndi munthu wakale zaka zingapo pambuyo pake makamaka mukakhala pamalo oyipa m'banja mwanu kungayambitse chibwenzi ndi ex wanu
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4. Kusalemekeza mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu
Kodi chikondi chakale chingayambitsidwenso? Kaya yankho la funso limenelo ndi lotani, kuganizira zimenezo pamene muli pabanja n’kunyoza mnzanu wanu wapano. Kulankhula ndi munthu wakale pamene munali pabanja kapena kukumana naye mwachinsinsi kumatumiza uthenga wakuti simukukhutira ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu komanso ukwati wanu. Mafunso okhudza chomwe chinakupangitsani kulankhula kapena kuyankha adzabweranso nthawi ina. Pamene nkhani yakale ikukukhudzani ndipo inu muyankha, kungakhale kunyoza mnzanu wapano chifukwa:
- Mudzakambirana za ubale wanu wapano ndi munthu wachitatu
- Izi zitha kuyambitsa zolepheretsa kulumikizana mu ubale wanu
- Mutha kunyalanyaza kukambirana zinthu ndi bwenzi lanu lomwe muli nalo ndipo m'malo mwake mumangolankhula ndi chikondi chomwe chidatayika
- Mwina simungathe kusiya kufananiza bwenzi lanu lapano komanso wakale
5. Kukhudzidwa kwa mabanja
Kavita akuti, "Nthawi iliyonse nkhani yoti munthu abwererenso ku chibwenzi ndi munthu wakale ali m'banja, anthu ambiri amanena kuti ngati munthu sakusangalala ndi mnzake wapamtima, ayenera kungochoka ndikuyambanso. Komabe, kuthetsa ukwati sikophweka chifukwa cha
- Financial
- Social
- Ndipo zotsatira zamaganizo
Zikatero, kuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu wakale mudakali pabanja kungapangitse kuti pakhale njira yovuta yomwe imakhudza aliyense amene akukhudzidwa:
- Okwatirana enieni
- Ana ngati alipo
- Mabanja
Makamaka ngati mukukondabe wokondedwa wanu woyamba koma muli pabanja ndi wina, kubwereranso ndi chikondi chomwe chatayikacho kungawononge banja lanu.
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6. Zochita zandalama zalakwika
Tiyerekeze kuti mukulankhulana ndi munthu wakale amene munali naye paubwenzi wolimba komanso wapamtima. Munthu ameneyo ali ndi malo apadera mumtima mwanu, ndipo mbali ina ya inu ingamukhulupirirebe ndi kumusamalira. Tsopano, ngati munthuyo akupemphani kuti akubwerekeni ndalama kapena kudalira thandizo la ndalama, mungavomereze mwachibadwa, popanda kuganiza kuti akhoza kukupusitsani.
"Nkhani zomwe akazi akale amalowerera muzochitika zachuma, ndi kusinthana ndalama ndipo aliyense wa iwo akulephera kukwaniritsa zomwe agwirizana, zitha kusokonekera kwambiri. Pamapeto pake, kubwereranso ndi wakale mutakhala pabanja ndikupusitsidwa ndalama kungapangitse kuti okwatirana omwe alipo pano alowe nawo, ndipo zinthu zonse zitha kuipa mwachangu kwambiri,"
Kavita Panyam, Katswiri wa Zamaganizo
7. Kupatsa wakale maganizo olakwika
Kwa inu, kulankhula ndi munthu amene munapsompsonana naye koyamba pa msonkhano wa kusukulu ya sekondale kungakhale kungofuna kutsimikizirana, koma chiyembekezo chabodza chomwe chikondi chanu chotayika chimalandira chingayambitse mavuto ambiri. Pamene okondana akale abwereranso ndipo mmodzi wa iwo ali muukwati wosasangalala , ziyembekezo zomwe ali nazo zingakhale zosiyana kwambiri.
- Choyamba, kuona chikondi chakale patatha nthawi yayitali kungachititse kuti chibwenzi chanu chakale chiyambenso kufunsa ngati chikondi chakale chingayambitsidwenso.
- Koma inu, kuyambira pamene munalekana, mumangofuna kukhalabe paubwenzi ndi munthu uyu
Ubale watsopano ngati uwu ungayambitse mavuto ambiri pazifukwa zotere, makamaka chifukwa cha chikondi chanu chomwe chinatayika chomwe sichinathe kutha.
8. Kutsetsereka koterera kwa kufananiza kosalekeza
Tiyerekeze kuti mukulumikizananso ndi chikondi chanu choyamba muli pabanja. Munjira zambiri, munthuyo amakhazikitsa benchmark ya zomwe mukufuna kapena kuyang'ana mu maubwenzi anu onse. Mukayamba kugwirizananso ndi chikondi chimene munasiya patatha zaka zambiri, mwina simungadziwe kuti munayambana naye kalekale ndipo mwina mkazi wanuyo anasanduka munthu amene simukumudziwa.
Pulofesa wa Psychology and neuroscience ku University of Concordia ku Montreal, Jim Pfaus akuti munthu amene mumakumana naye koyamba, makamaka ngati zomwe mwakumana nazo zili zokondweretsa komanso pali manja achikondi monga kukumbatirana, atha kupitiliza kufotokozera zomwe mumapeza kukhala zokopa pazolumikizana zanu zonse zamtsogolo.
Chifukwa chake, mukakumananso ndi chibwenzi chanu chakale patatha zaka zambiri, simungathe kusiya kuyerekeza mnzanu wapano ndi chikondi chanu chotayika. Popeza muli ndi zizindikiro zonse za chikondi ndipo mukuziyang'ana ndi maso ofiirira, mwina zidzangowonjezera zofooka za mnzanu m'maso mwanu, zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala osiyana kwambiri.
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9. Kusamvana pakati pa okwatirana
Pamene mukuyanjananso ndi chikondi chakale amene anakwatiwa, mukhoza kupitiriza kuwakonda chifukwa chinachake chinali kusowa mu ubale wanu.
- Kupanda ubwenzi
- kusungulumwa
- Kudzikonda
- Chowawa
Zifukwa zake zingakhale zambiri. Tsopano popeza zosowa izi zikukwaniritsidwa kunja kwa ukwati wanu, mwina simungamvenso kufunika kogwira ntchito yothetsa mavutowo ndi mnzanu. Nkhani zoterezi zingayambitse kusagwirizana pakati pa okwatirana chifukwa:
- Mwina simungathe kusiya kufananiza chikondi chanu chomwe chinatayika ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, zomwe zingakupangitseni kuyembekezera zinthu zolakwika
- Pamene okonda akale agwirizananso, zingayambitse mavuto olankhulana pakati pa okwatirana
- Mukadali pachibwenzi ndi chikondi chanu choyamba koma mutakwatiwa ndikuyambanso kucheza ndi wakale wanu, kutengekako kumatha kukupangitsani kuti muyambe kukondana ndi wokondedwa wanu.
Ibibazo
Inde, popeza kuti wakale wanu anali wofunika kwambiri pamoyo wanu, ndi zachilendo komanso zachibadwa kumawaganizira nthawi ndi nthawi. Ngakhale sizoyenera, kuzembera wakale wanu pa intaneti kumatha kuonedwa ngati kovomerezeka. Koma china choposa pamenepo chikubweretsa mavuto.
Kukambitsirana ndi munthu wakale pamene muli pabanja kungaoneke ngati nkhani yopanda vuto. Koma popeza muli ndi mbiri ndi iwo ndipo mungakhalebe ndi malingaliro osathetsedwa pa iwo, ndibwino kuti musatero. Zinthu zikhoza kuipiraipira msanga, zomwe zingawononge ukwati wanu.
Pokhapokha ngati amene mukufunsidwayo ndi munthu amene munacheza naye mwachidule koma kugawana mbiri yaubwenzi wautali, weniweni, ndipo mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali ndi malingaliro oti ali m'moyo wanu, ndibwino kuti mupewe mayesero.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kuwona moto wakale pambuyo pa nthawi yayitali kungayambitse kudalira maganizo, mavuto m'banja lanu, ndi chibwenzi kunja
- Pamene moto wakale ukukumana nanu, ndizomveka kunena zoona za izi ndi mnzanu wapano ndikukhazikitsa malire omveka ndi wakale - ngati mukufuna kusangalatsa mauthenga awo konse.
- Ngati munthu mmodzi ali m’banja losasangalala, ziyembekezo za m’makambitsirano zingakhale zosiyana kwambiri kwa onse okhudzidwa
Maganizo Final
Nkhani yake ndi yakuti, pamene moto wakale ukukhudzani, ukhoza kutsegula chidebe cha nyongolotsi zomwe zingawononge ukwati wanu komanso kukusiyani mukukangana maganizo. Pokhapokha ngati wakale amene mukumufunsayo ndi munthu amene munali naye pachibwenzi kwa kanthawi koma muli ndi mbiri ya ubwenzi weniweni, ndipo mnzanu wapamtima akugwirizana ndi lingaliro lakuti ali m'moyo wanu, ndi bwino kutsogolera.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
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