Pamene kupatukana kwanga kunanditsogolera ku kukhumudwa kwakukulu kwa kugonana

(Youzidwa ndi Joyeeta Talukdar)

Ndinakhala paubwenzi ndi Meera kwa zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri. Mwadzidzidzi, tsiku lina anandiitana n’kunena kuti, “Zatha!

Monga choncho, tinasiyana.

Nthawi iliyonse yomwe ndimakhala naye idayamba kung'anima pamaso panga. Ndinayamba kumuzembera pa social media kuti ndione ngati anali wokondwa atasiyana nane ndipo analidi. Zinandikwiyitsa. Sindinathe kuika maganizo pa chilichonse. Sindinathenso kugona. Ndinapuma pang'ono, ndinapita kutchuthi, ndipo ndinawonetsa dziko lapansi kuti kupatukana kunalibe kanthu, koma sikunandithandize. Izi zili choncho chifukwa mumtima mwanga ndimadziyankhulira ndekha ndikuyesera kuti ndidziwe chifukwa chomwe ananditaya. Zinali zokhumudwitsa kwambiri moti ankaoneka kuti sanakhudzidwe ndi kulekanako.

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Ndinayesa kumubweza

Sindinafunenso kutsutsana naye, chifukwa umuna wanga unapweteka. M’kanthaŵi kochepa chabe, ndinaganiza zokumana naye, zimene zinapangitsa mkhalidwe wanga kukhala woipitsitsa. Iye anati: “Rishab, sunayambe waonapo mmene ndikumvera mumtima mwanga. Panopa ndasiya kukumvera chisoni chifukwa pamene ndinatero, sunandibwezerepo kanthu.

Ndine woipa kwambiri pofotokoza zakukhosi. Sindinathe kumuuza kuti anali zonse zomwe ndinali nazo. Ntchito yanga inkafuna nthawi yanga yonse, koma nthawi zonse ankandiganizira. Mawu anga sanapeze njira yochokera mumtima mwanga ndipo ndinatuluka.

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Ndinasowa tulo

Patapita nthawi, nkhawa zanga zinayamba kukula kwambiri moti ndinayamba kukhala ndi 'nocturnal emission-night falls'. Kukhumudwa kwa kugonana kunali kundikwiyitsa. Kenako ndinalimba mtima ndipo ndinaganiza zouza mnzanga wina za vuto langa. Anandilangiza kuti ndipite kwa dokotala wa zamaganizo. Sizinali zophweka, chifukwa ndinkakhulupirira kuti madokotala amisala anali a anthu amisala. Ndine wokondwa kuti pamapeto pake ndinapita kukaonana ndi dokotala wa zamaganizo, chifukwa adandipangitsa kumvetsetsa kuti zomwe ndikukumana nazo zinali chizindikiro cha kupsinjika maganizo, ndipo zizindikiro zina zonse zinali zizindikiro za vuto lalikulu.

Pomaliza ndinapeza thandizo

Pambuyo pa pafupifupi chaka chimodzi ndikulangizidwa, zakhala zophweka kwa ine kuthana ndi choonadi, ngakhale kuti ululu umalowa mu mtima mwanga nthawi zina. Komabe, lero zandivuta kuulula kuti ndinakhumudwa chifukwa kudzikonda kwanga kunapweteka. Ndi kulimba mtima kwakukulu posachedwapa ndinakumana ndi Meera, kuti ndipepese ndikudzimasula ndekha ku zovuta zomwe ndinadzibweretsera ndekha. “Wokondedwa Meera, pepani kuti sindinathe kumveketsa zimene munali kutanthauza kwa ine,” ndinamuuza motero. Ndikudziwa kuti simukufuna kubwereranso ku moyo wanga ndipo ndimalemekeza zimene mwasankha.

Zinditengera kanthawi kuti ndichiritse kwathunthu. Koma tsopano ndikumva kupepukirako.

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