Momwe Mungapezere Mtendere Pambuyo Kuberedwa - Malangizo 9 Ochokera kwa Wothandizira

Taganizirani izi: mwangozindikira kuti mwamuna wanu anakunyengani ndi wantchito mnzake pamene munali ndi pakati chaka chatha. Ndipo muli pansi m'matayala, kuyesa kupulumutsa zomwe zatsalira pa ubale wanu. Mwakhumudwa ndipo mwathedwa nzeru. Mphindi ina mumamva ngati mukufuna kukhululukira mwamuna wanu ndi kukhazikitsa mtendere ndi vutolo, pamene lotsatira, mumamva ngati mukufuna kudula maubwenzi ndi kumuphunzitsa phunziro lokhala ndi chibwenzi kumbuyo kwanu. N’kwachibadwa kudzimva kukhala wosadziŵa chochita ndi momwe ungakhalire mwamtendere pambuyo pa kuberedwa! 

Ndipo mwafika pamalo oyenera ngati mukukumana ndi chipwirikiti chotere. M’nkhaniyi, tiona zotsatira za kuberedwa ndipo tiona mmene mungachitire ndi vuto limeneli. Mlangizi wa ubale Dhriti Bhavsar (Digiri ya Master mu Psychology, yokhala ndi ukatswiri mu Clinical Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa ubale, kutha, komanso upangiri wa LGBTQ, zitithandiza kufufuza njira zopangira mtendere ndi kuberedwa. Ndiye muyenera kukhululukira munthu wachinyengo? Chabwino, tiyeni tifufuze mozama kuti timvetse ...

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Zotsatira Zakuberedwa

Ndiye kodi kuberedwa kumamva bwanji? Ndipo zingakhale zovuta bwanji kwa anthu omwe amakondabe awo kunyenga mkazi kapena wokondedwa? Kodi zimamupangitsa mwamuna kumva kuti wavulazidwa? Kodi mkazi amamva bwanji atagwiriridwa? Izi ndi zomwe a Reddit wosuta Ayenera kunena za zomwe adakumana nazo: "Ndakhala ndikuponyedwa ngati mwamuna kuti mkazi wake adamunyengerera ndikumusiya kwa mwamuna wina. Sindinafune kusewera gawo ili, koma apa ine ndiri, ndikuponyedwa monga wotsogolera. Chilichonse chimatsukidwa ndi imvi, ngati ndikanagona tsiku lonse ndikadagona. Ndikuopa kudzuka, nthawi zonse zimayamba ndi zenizeni za zochitikazo, maganizo osokonezeka ndi zithunzithunzi zimatha kudabwa kwambiri ndi kusakhulupirika. kumanganso ndi kupitiriza.”

Tisanafufuze za momwe tingapezere mtendere pambuyo pa kuberedwa, tiyeni tione mmene kubera kumakhudzira anthu amene akulandira. Katswiri wathu Dhriti watchulapo zotsatirapo zingapo za kuberedwa, kutengera momwe amachitira ndi makasitomala ake. Nawa akupita:

1. Zimachepetsa kudzidalira

Kunyengedwa amachepetsa kudzidalira za munthu kwambiri. Dhriti akuti, “Mungapeze kuti mukukaikira zimene munasoŵa kapena zimene munalakwa muubwenzi, ndipo m’kupita kwa nthaŵi zingakuchititseni kudzikayikira.” Choncho, muzochitika zotere, mukhoza kuyamba kukayikira:

• Kudzipereka kwanu ku chiyanjano
• Maonekedwe anu 
• Nzeru zanu
• Mphamvu zanu zakugonana
• Mkhalidwe wanu wachuma

Umu ndi momwe kusakhulupirika kumakhudzira mkazi komanso mwamuna.

2. Zimasintha kudalira kwanu

Ndiye mkazi amamva bwanji atagwiriridwa? Kodi munthu amakumana ndi chiyani akagonekedwa? Dhriti anati: “Kunamizidwa kumakupangitsani kukayikira mnzanuyo komanso maganizo anu (komanso anthu ena amene ali pafupi nanu). Zimakusokonezaninso kudziwa kuti chidaliro chanu chinatengerapo mwayi ndipo mutha kuthana ndi kuopa kubedwanso. 

Chifukwa chake, mutha kukhala munthu wowawa, wopanda luso khulupirirani munthu. Kupatula apo, zinthu zokhudzana ndi thanzi labwino monga nkhawa ndi kubera zimayendera limodzi. Chifukwa chake, mutha kudutsa zoyambitsa zovuta kwambiri mutaberedwa nthawi iliyonse mukakumana ndi vuto lomwe muyenera kukhulupirira munthu. 

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3. Mutha kukulitsa mkwiyo ndi kuwawidwa mtima

Dhriti amakhulupirira kuti, "Munthu wina akakunyengererani, pamakhala malingaliro opanda chilungamo pa chinachake chopweteka kwambiri chomwe chikukuchitikirani. Ndipo izo mwachibadwa zimatsogolera ku mkwiyo kwa munthu amene akuyambitsa ululu umenewo (komanso kwa inu nokha, chifukwa chowapatsa mphamvu kuti akupwetekeni). Potsirizira pake, zimasanduka zowawa ndipo zimasonyezedwa monga kusakaniza kwa mkwiyo ndi chisoni chachikulu, zomwe zimakhala zovuta kwambiri pazochitika ziwiri zomwe zimanyengedwa. 

Ndipo tikuvomereza kuti umu ndi mmene kusakhulupirika kumakhudzira mkazi kapena mwamuna. A Reddit wosuta anali ndi chokumana nacho chofanana ndi ichi: “Ndimafuna kupyola mkwiyo/mkwiyo umene umakhala mwa ine pofufuza zina za kusakhulupirika kwake.

4. Waponyedwa m’kukayikakayika

Chimodzi mwa zotsatira zoipitsitsa za ululu wa kusakhulupirika ndi chakuti mnzako amene wapusitsidwa amakankhidwa kuti asadziwike. Dhriti akufotokoza kuti: “Mumataya chitetezo chimene munali nacho poyamba ndi mnzanuyo. Izi zitha kuwononga kwambiri mapulani anu amtsogolo. Kotero, inu mukhoza kukhala:

• Kusunga ndalama kuti mukondwerere a chiyambi cha ubale, ndipo tsopano ndiyenera kusiya lingalirolo
• Kukonzekera kugula nyumba yatsopano pamodzi ndipo tsopano muyenera kubwerera mmbuyo
• Kukonzekera kusiya ntchito yanu kuti muzisamalira ana, ndipo tsopano mungafunike kuganiziranso dongosolo lanu

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5. Mumamva kuwawa kwambiri m'maganizo

Studies asonyeza mobwerezabwereza mmene zosweka ndizovuta ndipo pafupifupi nthaŵi zonse zimatsogolera ku malingaliro oipa ndi kumverera kwa kupweteka kwenikweni kwakuthupi. Ndipo ngati munapatukana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mutanamizidwa, kumverera kumakhala chimodzimodzi.

Dhriti akuti, "Ndife olimba kuti tigwirizane, ndipo kutaya chiyanjanochi nthawi zambiri kumakhala kowawa kwambiri chifukwa ubongo wathu umakhudzidwa ndi ululu umenewu mofanana ndi momwe umachitira ndi ululu wakuthupi. Ndiko kutaya kugwirizana, kugwirizanitsa, kutsimikiziridwa, ndi chitetezo. 

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Ndiye, tsopano popeza mukudziwa momwe kubereredwa kumamveka komanso zotsatira zake, kodi mukudabwa momwe mungapezere mtendere mutaberedwa? Ndipo kodi muyenera kukhululukira wachinyengo? Ndipo chimachitika ndi chiyani chiwopsezo choyambirira chitatha? 

Umu ndi momwe a Reddit wosuta akufotokoza kuti anasiya kuberedwa: “…panali zomvetsa chisoni m’mbuyomo chifukwa cha kubera, kundisiyira ena, ngakhalenso chiwawa, chimene sindinkachilingalira m’zaka miliyoni imodzi kuti ndithetse.” Koma ndinatero. N'CHIFUKWA chiyani anthu amabera, ndipo kuzindikira nkhaniyo ili mkati mwa IWO. Sikuti munthu winayo akhale wabwinoko kapena wokwanira, kapena kuti inu simukukwanira. Heck, nthawi zambiri munthu amene kunyengedwa ndi bwino cholinga m'njira zambiri poyerekeza ndi amene mnzawo chinyengo ndi. Ndikudziwa kuti sibwino kufananiza, koma nthawi zina zimathandiza kuwona izi. ” 

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Njira ya aliyense yothanirana ndi vuto lalikulu monga kusakhulupirika ikhoza kukhala yosiyana. Palibe mantra yamtundu umodzi yomwe imagwira ntchito kwa onse ikafika pozindikira momwe mungathanirane ndi kuberedwa. Palibenso mankhwala amatsenga. Zomwe zimagwirira ntchito kwa munthu wina sizingagwire ntchito kwa wina. Komabe, kugwiritsa ntchito njira zina zathanzi kuti muchepetse ululu kungathandize. Dhriti amatipatsa malangizo asanu ndi anayi omwe amakuthandizani kuti mupite patsogolo pakufuna kwanu kuti mudziwe momwe mungapezere mtendere mutaberedwa:

1. Lolani kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro oipa

Dhriti akuona kuti: “Ndi bwino kufotokoza momasuka maganizo kapena maganizo alionse oipa amene akukuchitikirani, pamalo otetezeka ndiponso mwaumoyo.” Anthu ambiri amavutika mopanda chifukwa chifukwa amakhulupirira kuti “ayenera” kumva mmene akumvera osati mmene akumvera.

Ngakhale mungalimbikitsidwe ndi abwenzi kapena achibale kuti akukankhireni maganizo anu pansi pa kapeti, dzipatseni nthawi ndi malo kuti mumve zonse zomwe mukumva. Dzipatseni chilolezo kuti mumve kukwiya, kumva chisoni, kuchita manyazi. Izi zidzakuthandizani kutenga sitepe yoyamba yodziwira momwe mungapezere mtendere mutaberedwa.

2. Khalani ndi malire

Ngati simukudziwabe momwe mungathanirane ndi kuberedwa, iyi ikhoza kukhala yankho labwino. Musanasankhe funso loti 'mukhululukire wachinyengo', yesetsani kukhazikitsa malire okhwima. Dhriti akuti, “Ndikofunikira kuzindikira zosoŵa zanu ndi malire anu ndiyeno kuzikhazikitsa mwamphamvu ndi mnzanuyo.” Kukhululukira wachinyengo kumafunanso kuti muwadziwitse zomwe simuli bwino nazo. Umu ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi kuberedwa ngati mukufuna kupitiliza chibwenzi:

• Mutha khalani ndi malire malo aumwini, kupempha kukhala m'zipinda zosiyana kapena kutali ndi mzake mpaka mutapanga chisankho
• Mutha kupempha kumveka bwino kapena kutseka, kuwafunsa kuti afotokoze chifukwa chomwe adachitira zomwe adachita musanapite patsogolo
• Mutha kufunsa kuti pakhale kuwonekera kwakukulu muubwenzi, kumudziwitsa mnzanu kuti simudzavomera mabodza ndi zinsinsi. 

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3. Pewani kudziimba mlandu

Ndi zachibadwa mu nthawi zovutazi kudziimba mlandu:

• Osakhala bwino pabedi
• Osadzikongoletsa kuti aziwoneka bwino
• Osamvera zolankhula zawo 

Mutha kudziimba mlandu nokha ndikudzilankhula molakwika chifukwa chachinyengo cha mnzanuyo. Dhriti akuti, “Pewani kugwa m’chizoloŵezi chodziimba mlandu. kukhulupirirana mu ubale pele mukwasyi uujisi lusyomo lwakusaanguna akaambo kakuyanda kwakwe. Ndikofunikira kusiyanitsa pakati pa kuyankha mlandu pa nkhani ina ndi kuimbidwa mlandu chifukwa chakubera.” Kumbukirani, kubera ndi kusankha.

4. Osathamangira kusankha zochita

Kukhululukira chibwenzi chonyenga kapena chibwenzi si chophweka ndipo ndithudi sizichitika usiku umodzi. Choncho, kumbukirani, palibe chifukwa choti mupange chosankha nthawi yomweyo. Ngati mukudzifunsabe kuti, “Kodi ndizikhala ndi wachinyengo kapena ndichoke?”, Dhriti akulangiza kuti: “Peŵani kusankha zochita mopupuluma, kapena chifukwa chokwiya kapena mwamantha. Mwanjira imeneyi, mudzathanso kupeza chomwe chimayambitsa kusakhulupirika kumeneku, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kudziwa momwe mungapezere mtendere mutaberedwa.

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5. Dalirani dongosolo lanu lothandizira

Machiritso pambuyo kunyengedwa sizingakhale zophweka koma kukhala ndi nthawi ndi gulu lanu lamkati kumakuthandizani kwambiri mu gawoli. Dhriti akuti, "Ndikofunikira kwambiri kukhala ndi dongosolo lothandizira anthu pafupi nanu. Izi ziyenera kuphatikizapo anthu omwe amakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka komanso osamalidwa. Ikhozanso kukhala dongosolo lanu lamkati lothandizira: zinthu ndi zochitika zomwe zimabweretsa chisangalalo, kukhutitsidwa, ndi kulumikizana. Choncho, pitirirani ndi:

• Lankhulani ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima kapena banja lanu
• Pitani paulendo wotsitsimula nokha kapena yendani ndi anzanu
• Sangalalani ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi kapena muzichita zinthu zomwe mumakonda, monga kujambula, masewera, kapena kulima dimba
• Werengani buku laposachedwa kwambiri la wolemba yemwe mumakonda

6. Pezani thandizo la akatswiri

Ngati zonse zikulephera, funsani akatswiri odziwa zachipatala kapena mlangizi wa ubale. Dhriti akuti, "Wothandizira omwe ali ndi chilolezo amatha kukuthandizani kulunjika madera omwe amalepheretsa kupita patsogolo ndikupanga kuchira pambuyo pakutha chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika mosavuta kwa inu. Amatha kuthana ndi ululu m'njira yathanzi komanso yothandiza. ” 

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Dziwani kuti matenda amisala monga nkhawa ndi kubera zimayendera limodzi. Nthawi zina, anthu amafika povutika maganizo ataberedwa. Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuika patsogolo kusamalira thanzi lanu la maganizo. Mutha kuganizira zopita kuchipatala kapena kusankha chithandizo chamunthu payekha. Ngati mukuganiza zopeza chithandizo, musazengereze kuwafikira Upangiri wa upangiri wa Bonobology.

7. Samalani ndi zomwe zimakupangitsani kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika

Dhriti anati: “Kusakhulupirika kwa mnzako kumanena zambiri ponena za iyeyo osati za iwe. Pali mwayi womwe mungavutike nawo vuto la post-infidelity stress disorder, choncho m'pofunika kwambiri kuti musamangokhalira kunyenga. M’malo mopereka mawu aang’ono amene ali m’mutu mwanu amene amanena kuti muli ndi udindo pa zimenezi, atsekereni molimba mtima. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwamasitepe akuluakulu ngati mukuganiza momwe mungapezere mtendere mutapusitsidwa.

8. Zilekeni

M’pofunika kuti muzisiya zinthu zina, kaya mukukhululukira munthu wachinyengo kapena kuchoka pa chibwenzi. Ngati mnzanu wakunyengererani mopanda chisoni, yesani kuzisiya ndipo ganizirani nokha m'malo mwake. Dhriti akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Yesetsani kuvomereza ndi kulola kupita. Khalani woleza mtima ndi inu nokha m’kachitidweko ndipo kumbukirani kuti kulola kuli chosankha chimene mwapanga kaamba ka mtendere wanu wekha. Sichinthu chimene muli nacho ngongole kwa winawake.

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9. Khalani ndi zochita zodzisamalira komanso kudzikonda

Asanapite patsogolo ndi kukhululukira munthu amene ananyenga, ntchito yambiri yamkati imafunika. Kumbukirani kudzisamalira nokha. Kuchiza pambuyo pa kunyengedwa kumafuna kudzisamalira kwambiri. Dhriti anati: “Kukula ndi kudzisamalira n’zofunika kwambiri pa nthawi imeneyi, makamaka ngati sukufuna kuchita zimenezi.” Koma chodabwitsa n’chakuti ndi pamene sitifuna kudzisamalira pa nthawi imene timafunika kudzisamalira kwambiri. Amapereka njira zingapo zothanirana ndi zoyambitsa pambuyo pa kubedwa, ndipo zimaphatikizapo kusamalira:

• Zofunikira pazathupi: Muzigona mokwanira komanso muzidya zakudya zopatsa thanzi. Pewani kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi kapena kudya mongotengeka maganizo
• Zofunikira zachitetezo ndi chitetezo: Onetsetsani kuti mukukhala pamalo otetezeka. Tulukani m'nyumba mwanu ngati mukuona kuti simumasuka kukhala ndi wachinyengo kapena mukumva kuti mukuvutika maganizo pambuyo pokuberedwa.
• Zofunika: Onetsetsani kuti mwakhazikitsa kulumikizana ndi ena omwe akuzungulirani

Zoyenera Kuchita Mukanamizidwa - Kukhala Kapena Kuchoka?

Ndiye, popeza mukudziwa momwe mungapezere mtendere mutaberedwa, tibwera ku funso lanu lotsatira, "Kodi muyenera kukhululukira wachinyengo?" Chofunika koposa, kodi maubwenzi amagwira ntchito pambuyo pa chinyengo? Dhriti amakhulupirira kuti: “Kusankha kukhalabe ndi munthu wachinyengo kapena kusiya chibwenzi pambuyo pa chibwenzi n’kovuta kwambiri. Zili choncho chifukwa chakuti ubwenzi uliwonse n’ngwapadera, monganso anthu amene amapanga unansiwo. 

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Komabe, akuganiza kuti muyenera kuganizira zinthu zingapo musanasankhe zochita mutaberedwa. Chifukwa chake, dzifunseni mafunso awa ngati mukuganiza, "Kodi ndiyenera kukhala ndi wachinyengo?"

• Kodi mnzanuyo akumva chisoni ndi zomwe adachita komanso akupepesa moona mtima?
• Kodi mnzanuyo akhoza kuyankha zochita zawo?
• Kodi mukuona kuti muli ndi mwayi wowakhulupiriranso? Kapena kodi kuopa kubedwa nthawi zonse kumakhala koopsa?
• Zidzatengera chiyani kuti muchiritsidwe? 
• Kodi mnzanuyo angakupatseni zomwe mukufunikira kuti mubwererenso muubwenzi kapena mgwirizano wanu udzakhala wochuluka maubale oopsa?

Kuti tikuthandizeni kupanga chisankho chokhwima komanso chodziwa bwino, taphatikiza mfundo zina kuti tiwonetse ubwino ndi kuipa kwa kukhalabe ndi wachinyengo ndikuchoka.

Ubwino ndi kuipa kwa kukhala

Kukhululukira munthu amene anakunyengererani mopanda chifundo sikophweka. Koma muyenera kupenda zabwino ndi zoyipa pankhaniyi:

Ubwino ndi kuipa kwa kuchoka

Ngati mukuganiza kuti yankho lakuti, “Kodi maubwenzi amagwira ntchito pambuyo pa kubera?”, ndi ‘ayi’ ndipo mukuganiza zomusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachinyengo, apa pali zabwino ndi zoyipa za chisankho chotere:

Tsopano popeza mwawerenga nkhani yathu, tikukhulupirira kuti mwapeza chidziwitso chamtengo wapatali pa zotsatira za kunyengedwa, njira zothanirana ndi kunyengedwa, komanso ubwino ndi kuipa kwa kukhalabe kapena kusiya chibwenzi pambuyo pa kunyengedwa. Kumbukirani, n'zosavuta kuimba mlandu vuto ndikusiya, koma pamafunika kulimba mtima kuti mubwererenso ndikuyambiranso kukhulupirirana. 

Izi zikunenedwa, ndikofunikiranso kuzindikira kusalemekeza kapena kuwopsa komwe kuli mkati mwaubwenzi. Mukawona kuti ubale wanu sunakonzedwenso, omasuka kusiya. Lowani muubwenzi watsopano, ngati pakufunika kutero. Koma chitani mwakufuna kwanu. Kupita patsogolo ndikofunikira pakukula kwanu ndi mtendere.

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