Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Mwamuna Wonyenga

Moyo umene munamanga pamodzi umagwa pansi mukazindikira kuti mwamuna wanu angakhale wosakhulupirika kapena wosakhulupirika. Malingaliro anu angakhale odzaza ndi mafunso ambiri okhudza zakale, zam'tsogolo, momwe maubwenzi anu alili, ndi kusatsimikizika kwa zonsezi. Mafunso osatha akhoza kusokoneza maganizo anu pamene mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo. Kodi munganene chiyani kwa mwamuna wanu wonyenga? Kodi mumachita bwanji ndi ululu woberedwa? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kwake?

Funso loti mungonyalanyaza zolakwa za mwamuna wanu ndikupita patsogolo kapena kukhala ndi munthu amene anakunyengererani mwina ndi lotopetsa kwambiri kuposa onsewo. Ngakhale kuti kuchoka kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo kungakhale chibadwa chanu choyamba, kuthetsa banja sikophweka nthawi zonse. Koma ngati mwasankha kukhalabe, kodi zingangomulimbikitsa kuti asochere kwambiri?

Palibe zosankha zabwino kapena zolakwika muzochitika izi, ndipo ndithudi, palibe zosankha zosavuta. Chifukwa tiyeni tiyang'ane nazo, palibe buku la malamulo a momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo. Koma vuto lililonse limabwera ndi yankho, ndipo izi sizili choncho. Apa taphatikiza maupangiri ndi malingaliro pazomwe mungachite mukapeza kuti mwamuna wanu akubera. Pumirani mozama, ndipo tsatirani malangizo awa okhudza kusakhulupirika ndikuthana ndi vutolo momwe mungathere.

Mmene Mungalimbanire ndi Mwamuna Wakubera—15 Malangizo

Simuli nokha—akazi mamiliyoni ambiri akuyang’anizana ndi kusweka mtima kwa kuperekedwa ndi zosankha zovuta zimene zimatsatira. Kuzindikira kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna wanu kungamve ngati dziko lanu lawonongeka-kubweretsa chisokonezo, mkwiyo, ndi mafunso opweteka okhudza tsogolo lanu. Kodi muyenera kukhala ndikuyesera kuyambiranso kukhulupirirana, kapena kuchokapo kuti mukapeze mtendere wamalingaliro? Palibe yankho lolondola, koma pali njira zomwe mungatenge kuti mudziteteze, kukonza kusakhulupirika, ndikusankha zomwe zili zabwino kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino. Nawa malangizo othandiza 15 okuthandizani paulendo wovutawu.

Njira Zamsanga Pambuyo Kupeza

Musanayambe kulingalira momwe mungathanirane ndi kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna wanu, muyenera kuchitapo kanthu kuti mutsimikizire kuti nkhaniyo ndi yolakwika.

1. Yang'ananinso mfundo zanu

Mutha kuganiza kuti pali cholakwika. Mwinamwake mwakhala mukuwona zizindikiro zina zachinyengo za mnzanu koma simukudziwa ngati ndi choncho. "Ndikukayikira kuti mwamuna wanga akubera, koma ndilibe umboni" - lingaliro ili limatha kukhala lotopetsa mukamazindikira kuti wakunyengererani m'mafupa anu koma mulibe chilichonse choti mupitilize.

Akazi ndi zolengedwa mwanzeru. Ngati matumbo anu akukuuzani kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali ndi mkazi wina m'moyo wake, mwayi ukhoza kukhala wowona. Koma simunganene kuti mlanduwu ndi waukulu ngati ukutengera chibadwa chanu chokha. Ndikofunikira kuyimitsa ndikutsimikizira. Yang'anani ndikuwunika kawiri kuti muwonetsetse kuti mukuchita ndi mwamuna wosakhulupirika. 

Musananene kuti mnzanu wachita chigololo, onetsetsani kuti muli ndi umboni womveka bwino. 

- Dr. Shirley Glass, katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi wolemba Osati “Anzanu Basi”

• Kodi ndi kungolankhula mwaubwenzi komanso kukopana kopanda vuto?
• Kodi angakhale akulankhula ndi wogwira naye ntchito yemwe akugwira naye ntchito?
• Kodi ubale umenewu ndi mkazi wina ndi wotani? Kodi iye alidi kukunyengererani pa intaneti kapena m’moyo weniweni?
• Kodi amaona kuti ndi chinyengo? Ndipo inu mumatero?
• Kodi pali umboni wowoneka, monga mameseji, maimelo, kapena zambiri zamisonkhano yawo, zomwe mungagwiritse ntchito kuti mukambirane naye?

Muyenera kuyika ma I anu ndikuwoloka ma T anu musanayambe kulingalira za momwe mungathanirane ndi wachinyengo. Tengani sitepe yotsatira pokhapokha mutachita mosamala. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mutsimikiziretu zomwe zikuchitika chifukwa kunamizira bodza kumatha kuwononga kukhulupirirana kwanu kwa nthawi yayitali.

2. Kambani naye

Kodi mungatani mukapeza kuti mwamuna wanu akubera? Pumirani mozama. Tikudziwa momwe zimakukwiyitsani, ndichifukwa chake tikufuna kuti mukhazikike mtima musanayankhe. Mukakhala chete (chabwino, modekha momwe mungakhalire), sungani zinthu zotsatirazi m'maganizo kuti mutsimikizire kuti zokambiranazo zikupereka mayankho omwe mukufuna:

• Chitani pa nthawi yoyenera: Pezani nthawi yoyenera yolankhula naye, kuonetsetsa kuti palibe zododometsa. Mwachitsanzo, ngati muli ndi ana, onetsetsani kuti akugona usiku kapena kutali ndi kwawo mukamalankhula nawo.
• Kumveka kwa ganizo: Muyenera kukhala omveka bwino m'maganizo mwanu zomwe munganene kwa mwamuna wanu wachinyengo. Izi zipangitsa kuti zokambirana zisapitirire pa zinthu zosafunikira
• Musasiye mfundo zake: Osamangonena nkhani zakale kapena kumuimba mlandu pazinthu zomwe mukuganiza kuti akuchita. Khalani ndi mfundo zomwe mwatsimikizira
• Khalani achindunji: Osaloleza kapena kumenya tchire. Ingomufunsani. Lolani funso limudzidzimutse kuti apeze yankho loona mtima.

Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhoza kukana chibwenzicho akafunsidwa, koma mudzadziwa kuchokera ku mawu ake ndi maonekedwe ake. 

• Onani ngati amapewa kukuyang’anani m’maso kapena kukuyang’anani pamene akuyankha funso lanu
• Samalani ndi zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kunama, monga kukutembenuzirani msana, kugwira mphuno, kapena kukanda kumaso.

Popeza mwakwatirana naye, mwina mwazindikira kale zizindikiro izi akamanama kapena kuyesa kubisa zinazake. Kuchita ndi mwamuna wanu wabodza popanda kugwa mumsampha wa zitsimikizo zake zabodza ndikofunikira kuti muthane ndi vuto la kusakhulupirika mwachindunji.

3. Osaphatikiza ana, yesetsani kusakhudza banja lanu

Palibe buku lodziwikiratu la momwe mungapitirizire mwamuna akukunyengani. Koma kuti mukhale oganiza bwino komanso odzilemekeza, muyenera kupeza njira yothanirana ndi mkuntho wamalingaliro ndikudzisunga nokha. Zomwe mudzachite pambuyo pake sizikhudza inu nokha, komanso anthu ena m'moyo wanu, kuyambira kwa ana anu mpaka achibale apamtima, ngakhale mabwenzi.

Ngati ana akukhudzidwa, kuwateteza kuyenera kukhala chinthu choyamba kwa inu. Sakhala ndi kukhwima maganizo kuti amvetsetse kuperekedwa, ndipo kuwakokera mmenemo kumangosiya zipsera. Momwe mungafune kutulutsa kapena kutsimikizira mfundo, aletseni kuti asamenye. Chimodzimodzinso ndi achibale. Zingamveke ngati mupeza mpumulo ngati aliyense akudziwa zomwe adachita, koma zenizeni, nthawi zambiri zimatsogolera ku miseche, anthu kusankhana mbali, komanso chisokonezo chochulukirapo.

Njira yabwino ndiyo kuyang'ana pa machiritso anu, ulemu wanu, ndi mtendere wanu wamaganizo. Nazi njira zingapo zoyendetsera gawoli:

• Imani kaye musanayankhe: Khalani ndi nthawi yopuma, kulemba zolemba, kapena kulankhula ndi mnzanu wodalirika musanasankhe momwe mungayankhire
• Tetezani ana anu: Zizolowezi zawo zizikhala zokhazikika momwe zingathere ndipo pewani kukamba zoipa za abambo awo pamaso pawo
• Pewani masewero apabanja: Uzani zakukhosi kwa anthu okhawo amene angakuthandizeni popanda kusonkhezera mphika
• Chotsani script yobwezera: Mphindi iliyonse mumathera chiwembu payback, zikhale mu mawonekedwe a kubwezera chinyengo, kapena kunyozetsa pagulu, ndi mphamvu yomwe mungagwiritse ntchito kudzimanganso
• Ikani ndalama zanu kukhala ndi moyo wabwino: Kuchiza, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, kupemphera, kapena kungochita zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani kungakuthandizeni kuti muyambe kuchira

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 12 Zosonyeza Kuti Akunong'oneza Bondo Kuti Wachita Chinyengo Ndipo Akufuna Kukonza Zinthu

4. Osatengera mkazi winayo

Limodzi mwa malangizo ofunikira kwambiri a momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wonyenga ndi kukumbukira kuti izi zili pakati pa inu ndi mwamuna wanu. Zingakhale zovuta kukumana ndi mkazi winayo ndikuwonetsa mkwiyo wanu kwa iye. Inde, kumutcha wowononga nyumba ndikumupangitsa kumva chisoni kwambiri kungamve bwino panthawiyo. Koma kodi zidzathandiza chiyani? Chiyeso chofuna kupatsa mkazi winayo nkhani yanu, kumbukirani:

• Kutchula dzina la mkazi wina sikungathetse vuto la ukwati wanu
• Kaya mumamudziwa kapena ayi, ndi bwino kupeŵa mikangano
• Kumuphatikiza kumangopangitsa kuti zinthu zikhale zovuta komanso zowawa kwambiri
• Mkangano wanu ndi mwamuna wanu, osati mkazi winayo
• Ngati mwamuna wanu wanyenga kangapo, zikuwonekeratu kuti nkhaniyo ili ndi iye, osati iye
• Pitirizani kukhala ndi ulemu wanu pokana kuimba mlandu munthu wachitatu
• Mukapsa mtima kapena kukhumudwa, pezani njira zabwino zochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi, kulemba nkhani, kuchiritsa, kapena kuwonetsa luso.

5. Khalani aulemu. Osatchula mayina, chonde

Ulemu? Tikudziwa kuti mukuganiza kuti ndife openga kunena kuti umu ndi momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wonyenga. Zingawoneke ngati njira imodzi yosathandiza kwambiri yothanirana ndi amuna osakhulupirika, koma tikhulupirireni tikanena kuti zimagwira ntchito. Kunyoza muubwenzi kapena kunena zinthu zopweteka kuti munyozetse mnzanu, zivute zitani, sikuthandiza.

Ngati mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungakonzere chibwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo, m'malo mokwiya, kutchula mayina, ndi kuphwanya zinthu pansi, yandikirani nkhaniyi ndi maganizo omasuka. Osangoganizira zomwe zidachitika komanso momwe. M’malomwake, lowa ndi maganizo oti sukudziwa zimene zinachitikadi, ndipo perekani mpata kwa mwamuna wanu kuti adzifotokozere yekha.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungakhululukire Mnzanu Wachinyengo, Ndipo Muyenera Kukhululukira?

6. Yezetsani matenda opatsirana pogonana

Mukaganizira momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wonyenga, musanyalanyaze thanzi lanu. Ngati mnzanu wagonana ndi munthu wina, nthawi zonse pamakhala chiopsezo chopezeka ndi kachilomboka, ngakhale atanena kuti "ali otetezeka." Kudziteteza ku matenda opatsirana pogonana ndikofunikira monga momwe mungadzitetezere m'maganizo. Chifukwa chake,

• Yezetsani matenda opatsirana pogonana msanga
• Ngati mwasankha kukhala, funsani mwamuna wanu kuti nayenso akayezetse musanayambitsenso chibwenzi
• Konzani zoyezetsa zaumoyo nthawi zonse kuti mupewe zovuta zomwe zimatenga nthawi yayitali
• Gwiritsani ntchito chitetezo ngati mwaganiza zokhalanso apamtima mpaka zotsatira za mayeso ziwonekere

Kukonzekera Kusakhulupirika

Vutoli likatha, siyani kuchitapo kanthu kenako ganiziraninso. Mavuto a m'maganizo omwe amadza chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi enieni. Malinga ndi kafukufuku , pakati pa 30% ndi 60% ya okondedwa anu osakhulupirika amakumana ndi zizindikiro zofanana ndi za PTSD, kuphatikizapo nkhawa, kuvutika maganizo, ndi malingaliro olakwika, atapeza kusakhulupirika. Ndipo pafupifupi theka la anthu omwe akhudzidwa ndi kusakhulupirika amanena kuti ali ndi zizindikiro za PTSD komanso kuvutika maganizo. Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kuthana ndi mavuto a m'maganizo mwa kudziimba mlandu, kufunafuna thandizo, ndikuyang'ana kwambiri pakuchira musanasankhe zomwe zingachitike pambuyo pake.

7. Osadziimba mlandu, osadzitchinjiriza

Tsopano, musatinyengerere, sitikunena kuti muli ndi mlandu mwanjira iriyonse pa zochita za mwamuna wanu wosakhulupirika. Zosiyana kwambiri, kwenikweni. Tikukupemphani kuti musalowe mu dzenje la kalulu ndi kulakwa pamene mukuvutika kuti mudziwe momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo. Ngakhale kuti zingamveke zosemphana, si zachilendo kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi amene wachitiridwa chipongwe azidziona kuti ndi amene ali ndi udindo pa zimene mnzakeyo wasankha kuchita chinyengo. Nazi momwe kudziimba mlandu kungamvekere:

• "Mwina linali vuto langa."
• "Zizindikiro zonse za mnzawo wobera zidalipo. Ndikadawona kuti zikubwera."
• "Mwina sindine wosangalatsa mokwanira."
• "Sindine wokongola."
• "Ayenera kuchita bwino."
• “Kodi ndisiye mwamuna wanga chifukwa chobera?

Kafukufuku waposachedwa wa maanja aku America akusonyeza kuti amuna 20 mpaka 40% okwatirana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha adzakhala ndi chibwenzi chakunja kwa banja lawo nthawi yonse ya moyo wawo. Kumbukirani nthawi zonse kuti kunyenga ndi chisankho, ndipo nthawi zambiri, sikukhudzana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wopandukayo (ngakhale kuti kunyenga kungagwiritse ntchito zofooka za ukwatiwo kuti alungamitse zochita zawo). Chifukwa chake, dzichitireni zabwino ndipo musadziimbe mlandu. Palibe chomwe mukanachita kuti mulepheretse mwamuna wanu kukunyengani. Sikuti muli nokha.

“Nthawi zonse kuchita chigololo ndiko kusankha, sikumayamba chifukwa cha kusoŵa kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi amene waperekedwayo, koma chifukwa chakuti mnzake wosakhulupirikayo wasankha kuchoka pa chibwenzicho.” 

- Dr. John Gottman, wofufuza za ubale komanso woyambitsa nawo Gottman Institute.

8. Msiyeni anene zonena zake ndipo amvere

Mukudabwa momwe mungachitire mwamuna wonyenga? Titha kunena mokoma mtima komanso mwachifundo, ngakhale mtima wanu ndi malingaliro anu atadzazidwa ndi china chilichonse koma mkwiyo ndi chipongwe kwa iye. Inde, kungamve kukhala kosatheka kuchitira mwamuna wobera mokoma mtima pamene wapwetekedwa mtima ndi kukwiya, koma kuleka kukambitsiranako kungakusungitseni mu ululu. 

Cynthia Jared, wachiŵiri kwa pulezidenti wa banki, akukumbukira atakhala pansi kuti amwe khofi ndi mwamuna wake mosasamala kanthu za mkwiyo umene unayamba mwa iye. Iye anati: “Tiye tiiwale kamphindi kuti tinakwatirana, undione ngati mnzako wapamtima. Cynthia amakumbukira zokambirana zamatsengazi zomwe zidapitilira kwa maola ambiri ndipo zidamupangitsa kudzikayikira.

Iye anatiuza kuti, “Sindinkadziwa ngati ndidzakhala ndi mwamuna uyu kapena ayi, mtsogolo, koma chinthu chimodzi chinali chotsimikizika, ndinali nditayamba ulendo wokhululukirana.” Kufunsa mafunso oyenera kwa mnzanu wosakhulupirika kudzakuthandizani kuwamvetsa, ndipo mudzatha kuthana nawo bwino.

Yankhani zokambiranazo mwachidwi, osati mwachidwi.

- Esther Perel, psychotherapist komanso wolemba State of Affairs

Umu ndi momwe mungachitire izi:

• Dikirani mpaka mkwiyowo utatha musanayambe kukambirana mozama
• Yandikirani nkhaniyo modekha. Pewani kukuwa, kunena zoneneza, kapena kunena mawu achipongwe
• Funsani mafunso omveka bwino monga “N’chiyani chinakuchititsani zimenezi?” kapena “Kodi munali kufunafuna chiyani kunja kwa ukwati wanu?”
• Muzimvetsera mayankho ake ngakhale kuti ndi ovuta kuwamva
• Alekanitse chifukwa chachinyengo ndi zimene anachita. Kumvetsetsa zolimbikitsa kumakuthandizani kusankha ngati machiritso atheka

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mafunso 15 Oyenera Kufunsa Kuti Mumangenso Kudalirana Mu Ubale

9. Osabwezera

Kubwezera ndi konyansa, kosakhwima, ndipo nthawi zonse ndi chisankho cholakwika. Ndikofunikira kudzikumbutsa mozama za izi mutadziwa koyamba za kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanu. Kukhumudwa ndi kuchititsidwa manyazi kungakupangitseni kuganizira mozama malingaliro monga "momwe ndingapangitsire mwamuna wanga wachinyengo" kapena "momwe ndingapwetekere mwamuna wanga wachinyengo". Ndipo zimenezi n’zachibadwa ndipo mwinanso mungamve bwino.

Chofunikira ndichakuti muzichita kapena ayi. Ngati mukufunadi kusiya chododometsachi ndikupita patsogolo, musataye nthawi ndi mphamvu zanu popanga mapulani opangitsa mwamuna wanu kuvutika. M'malo mwake, yang'anani pakupeza njira zothanirana ndi vutoli lomwe mukupeza kuti muli ndi thanzi labwino momwe mungathere. 

Ngati simungathe kupirira ululu, mkwiyo, ndi kupweteka, yesani kutenga njira yauzimu kuti mumvetse malingaliro onse otsutsana komanso osokoneza. Zochita zosavuta monga kusinkhasinkha ndi kusamala zitha kukhala maziko abwino munthawi zovuta zamkati. Mukapeza nzeru zanu zamkati, zidzakuthandizani kupita koyenera.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kusakhazikika Pakumanganso Ubale Pambuyo pa Kunyenga Ndi Momwe Mungachitire

10. Muziganizira kwambiri za moyo wanu

Mkazi woperekedwayo amakanthidwa ndi mphepo yamkuntho ya maganizo pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Kupwetekedwa mtima ndizochitika zenizeni ndipo kungathe kuwononga thanzi lanu lamaganizo ngati sikukonzedwa bwino. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti musanyalanyaze machiritso anu poyesa kupeza momwe mungapulumutsire ubale wanu.

Muyenera kudzichitira zinthu mokoma mtima komanso mwachikondi—monga momwe mungachitire ndi mnzanu wapamtima amene ali pamavuto ofanana—ndipo dzipatseni nthawi yoti muchiritse ndikusiya ululu womwe ukukukuta mumtima mwanu. Nazi njira zina zomwe mungadzichitire kudzikonda komanso kudzisamalira pamene mukuchira ku mavuto omwe mwakumana nawo chifukwa choperekedwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda komanso kumudalira ndi chilichonse chomwe muli nacho:

• Pitani kuchipatala kuti muthe kuthana ndi zowawa ndi zowawa
• Pezani nthawi yochita zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani - zitha kukhala chilichonse kuyambira kukwera mapiri mpaka kulima dimba, kuwerenga, kumvetsera nyimbo.
• Muzicheza ndi okondedwa anu
• Yesetsani kukhala osamala kuti muthe kuganiza mopambanitsa
• Yesani kulemba zolemba kuti mumvetsetse malingaliro anu
• Idyani bwino ndikuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti muwonetsetse kuti thanzi lanu silikuyenda bwino

11. Uphungu ndi wofunikira

Pakali pano, mwadutsa siteji ya "Ndikukayikira kuti mwamuna wanga akubera koma ndilibe umboni". Zolakwa zake zili poyera, ndipo mafunso ambiri atsopano okhudza momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo ndi ukwati wanu kuyambira pano akukuyang'anani pamaso panu:

• Kodi muzikhala kapena muchoke?
• Ngati mwaganiza zokhala, mungafune kudziwa: Kodi njira yoyenera yobwezera munthu wachinyengo ndi iti?
• Ngati mukuganiza zotuluka, funso lomwe lili m'maganizo mwanu lingakhale: momwe mungasiyire mwamuna wachinyengo yemwe mumamukonda?
• Ndipo pamene malingaliro a kuperekedwa kwake akukuwonongani, mungafune kudziwa: momwe mungalekerere kuganiza mopambanitsa mutapusitsidwa?

Sizophweka kudziwa momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo, makamaka pamene mukufuna kukhala pamodzi. Ino ndi nthawi yoti mupeze chithandizo cha inu nokha ndi banja lanu. Osachita manyazi kufunsa alangizi a maanja ndikuyesera kutulutsa zonse zomwe mwabisa mozama ndikuthana ndi mavuto anu.

Kufotokoza mavuto anu pamaso pa mlangizi wodziwa bwino ntchito kungakuthandizeni kuona ngati pali vuto linalake lomwe likusowa muubwenzi wanu lomwe lingathe kuthetsedwa kapena ngati mukukumana ndi munthu wochita zachinyengo nthawi zonse.

12. Dzikhululukireni mwakufuna kwanu

“Kukhululuka n’kusankha, koma sikungafulumire.” Zimenezi zimachitika munthu amene wapusidwayo akayambanso kudziona kuti ndi wotetezeka. 

- Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, mlangizi wa ubale ndi wolemba Pambuyo pa Nkhani

Mukapitiriza kukhala ndi munthu amene anakunamizani, mwamuna wanu akhoza kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa ndipo angapemphe chikhululukiro. Tengani nthawi yanu. Chiritsani pang'onopang'ono ndipo dzipatseni nthawi yokonzekera chikhululukiro . Mnzanu ayenera kumvetsetsa kuti sangakufulumizeni kuti mumukhululukire ndikuyambanso. Apa, muyenera kunyalanyaza mwamuna wanu wonamizira ndikumudziwitsa kuti mukufuna nthawi yothana ndi vutoli pa liwiro lanu.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ndani Amanyenga Kwambiri—Amuna Kapena Akazi? Zimene Deta Ikunena

Zosankha Patsogolo

Fotokozani malire, yambitsaninso chikhulupiriro ngati n'kotheka, kapena pangani chisankho chovuta chochokapo - kuonetsetsa kuti chisankho chanu chikugwirizana ndi moyo wanu wautali.

13. Siyani kukhala chopondera pakhomo

Sonyezani ulemu, ndipo funani zimenezo. Zingakhale zovuta koma zothandiza

Poyesera kudziwa momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo, ndikofunikanso kudziwa zomwe simuyenera kuchita. Lankhulani, limbanani naye, musadziimbe mlandu, siyani kukhala chopondera pakhomo. Muyenera chikondi, ulemu, ndi kukhulupirika, osati kunyengedwa. Mukaphunzira za kusakhulupirika kwa mnzako, khalani olimba ndikudziyimira nokha. Makamaka ngati mukuganiza zokhala ndi mnzanu wachinyengo, ndikofunikira kuti:

• Muuzeni momveka bwino kuti kuberako kuleke
• Sangalalani ndi zokambirana zilizonse kumanganso ubale wanu pokhapokha mutatsimikiza kuti kunyenga kwasiya
• Khalani ndi malire ndi mnzanu
• Kambitsiranani za zomwe zikutanthawuza kuphwanya chikhulupiriro, ndipo dziwitsani mnzanuyo kuti palibe malo ogwedezeka pankhaniyi.

Komanso, kumbukirani kuti kukonza ubale pambuyo pa chinyengo kumadaliranso momwe iye amachitira pazochitikazo. Mungathe kuyembekezera kuyanjana ndi kupangitsa ukwati wanu kuyenda bwino kokha ngati ali wodzimvera chisoni moona mtima ndi wofunitsitsa kukonzanso. Pokhapokha ngati iye, nayenso, akuyesera kulingalira, "Kodi mungakhale bwanji mwamuna wabwino pambuyo pa kunyenga?", Pali chiyembekezo chochepa cha ukwati wanu, ziribe kanthu kuti mumapatsa mwayi wotani mnzanuyo.

14. Nthawi yopangira zisankho zovuta

Mwayesapo chilichonse, koma palibe yankho lomwe likuwoneka? “Mwamuna wanga ananyenga ndipo sindingathe kuchithetsa,” mungadzipeze kuti mukuvomereza mwamseri, monga momwe tsogolo la ukwati wanu limapachikidwira m’chiyembekezo. Mwina, simungasiye kumuona ali pabedi ndi munthu wina nthawi iliyonse mukapeza mphindi yokha. Mwina ndi mantha oti wagwa mchikondi ndi mkazi winayo ndi amene akukudyani mkatimo.

Kaya chifukwa chake n’chotani, mukudziwa bwino kuposa mmene ife timadziwira kuti kulephera kulimbana ndi ululu wa mwamuna wachinyengo kuli ngati kukhala ndi ululu wosalekeza, wosalekeza. Pa nthawiyi, muli ndi zisankho zofunika kwambiri.

• Kodi mukufuna kupatsa banja lanu mwayi wina?
• Ngati ndi choncho, mungamukhululukiredi mnzanuyo chifukwa chachinyengo?
• Ukuganiza zomusiya mwamuna wako chifukwa chachinyengo?

Chisankho chomaliza chili ndi inu, ndithudi. Koma malangizo athu okhudza mmene tingathanirane ndi munthu wachinyengo angakhale kusankha zochita mwamsanga m’malo mochedwa. Mukakhala ndi mwayi woyamwa ndikusintha zomwe zachitika komanso zowawa, fufuzani mozama ndikusankha zomwe mukufuna kuchita. Osapitilira kuukoka ubale ngati mtima suli momwemo. Palibe chabwino chomwe chinatulukapo pakukwapula kavalo wakufa.

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15. Kupita patsogolo

Mukangoganiza momwe mungayankhire kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna wanu, sitepe yotsatira ndiyo kusankha njira yomwe ikugwirizana ndi moyo wanu. Kaya mwasankha kumanganso ubale kapena kuchokapo, kumveka bwino ndi kukonzekera ndizofunikira. Nazi njira zomwe muyenera kuchita, kutengera chisankho chanu:

Dziikireni malire ndipo yesetsani kulimbikitsanso kukhulupirirana ngati mwasankha kukhala limodzi

Kuyanjanitsa ndi kotheka, koma kumafuna kuti onse awiri akhale odzipereka kusintha. Kuti mupangenso chikhulupiriro, muyenera kudzipereka kukhazikitsa malire ndikuyika patsogolo kuwonekera kwathunthu. Umu ndi momwe:

• Chibwenzicho chiyenera kutha: Ilimbikirani kutseka kwathunthu ndi munthu winayo
• Funsani uphungu: Munthu wosalowerera ndale angathandize kukonzanso kulankhulana ndi kuthetsa zomwe zimayambitsa
• Pangani dongosolo lowonekera: Gwirizanani za kulankhulana momasuka, kugawana makalendala ngati kuli kofunikira, kapena kufufuza nthawi zonse
• Tanthauzirani malire omveka bwino: Ganizirani pamodzi makhalidwe amene amaonedwa ngati kusakhulupirika—nkhani zakukhudzidwa mtima, kutumizirana mameseji mobisa, kubisa ndalama, ndi kuyesetsa kuwathetsa.
• Yang'anani kuyesetsa kosalekeza: Kupanganso kukhulupirirana kumatenga miyezi kapena zaka, choncho yang'anirani kuyankha kokhazikika, koona

Dzitetezeni nokha mwalamulo ndi ndalama ngati mwaganiza zopita patsogolo

"Pazochitika za kusakhulupirika, kuteteza ufulu wanu wachuma ndi malamulo ndikudzisamalira. Kumakulolani kupanga zisankho kuchokera kumalo amphamvu, osati mantha." 

- Susan Pease Gadoua, wothandizira yemwe ali ndi chilolezo komanso wolemba nawo Chatsopano Ndichita.

Ngati kupatukana kapena kusudzulana ndi chisankho chabwino, ndikofunikira kuteteza ufulu wanu ndikukonzekera bata. Kwa izi, muyenera, 

• Funsani loya wa zabanja: Kumvetsetsa za ufulu wanu walamulo pa katundu, kusunga, ndi alimony
• Unikaninso ndikulekanitsa zachuma: Tsekani ma kirediti kadi olowa limodzi, pangani akaunti yanuyanu yaku banki, ndi kulemba zinthu zomwe munagawana nazo
• Sinthani zolemba zofunika: Wila, opindula ndi inshuwaransi, zikalata za katundu, kapena olumikizana nawo mwadzidzidzi
• Sonkhanitsani umboni wa kusakhulupirika: M'madera ena, izi zimatha kukhudza kukhazikika kapena kusunga
• Pangani dongosolo lothandizira: Phatikizani abwenzi kapena abale odalirika kuti akuthandizeni m'malingaliro komanso pakusintha
• Ikani patsogolo ufulu wanu: Konzekerani nyumba, ndalama, ndi chitetezo chanu kuti mupite patsogolo kuchokera kumalo amphamvu

Zoyenera Kuchita ndi Zosachita Pochita ndi Mwamuna Wachiwembu

Chitani	Dziwani
Onetsetsani zowona musananene.	Mukumane naye popanda umboni kapena mokwiya.
Lankhulani modekha ndiponso mosapita m’mbali pokambirana nkhaniyo.	Phatikizanipo ana kapena achibale mumkanganowo.
Pezani uphungu kapena chithandizo chamankhwala.	Kubwezera kapena kumuchititsa manyazi poyera.
Ikani patsogolo thanzi lanu—yezetsani matenda opatsirana pogonana ndi kusamalira maganizo anu.	Kunyalanyaza zosowa zanu pamene mukuyang'ana pa iye yekha.
Khazikitsani malire omveka bwino ndikusankha zomwe simungakambirane.	Khalani chete kapena "kusesa pansi pa chiguduli."
Pangani zisankho zodziwikiratu zokhala kapena kuchoka potengera moyo wanu wautali.	Dzidzudzuleni nokha chifukwa cha chisankho chake chonyenga.
Dzitetezeni mwalamulo ndi ndalama ngati kupatukana kuli patebulo.	Siyani nkhani zalamulo ndi zandalama zisanathe.

Momwe Mungapangire Mwamuna Wonyenga Kuvutika: Njira 7

Ngati mwachita zonse zomwe mungathe kuti mupirire ululu wopweteka pambuyo pa kuperekedwa, ndipo ngati muwona kuti mwamuna wanu sakuchita zonse zomwe angathe kuti akonze zolakwikazo ndi kumanganso ubale wanu, mungadzifunse momwe mungapangire mwamuna wachinyengo kuvutika. Lingaliro ili kaŵirikaŵiri limachokera ku kubwereranso kwa mwamuna wanu chifukwa cha ululu umene anakuchititsani inu ndi chikhumbo chofuna kulamuliranso mumpangidwe winawake. Komabe, kuti mumupangitse kuti amvedi kulemera kwa zochita zake, simufunikira kubwezera zinthu zazing’ono. Nthawi zina, kusuntha kwamphamvu, kosawoneka bwino kumagunda mozama kuposa momwe mbama iliyonse imachitira padzanja. Nazi njira zisanu ndi ziwiri zomwe mungaganizire.

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1. Bwezerani mtendere wanu ndi kuwala mu kuwala kwanu

Chowawa kwambiri chomwe wachibera amamva ndikuwona munthu yemwe wamupweteka akukwera mwamphamvu ndikudziyimira pawokha. Dr. Anita Sethi, katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku New York, anafotokoza kuti: “Pambuyo pa kuchita chigololo, uthenga wamphamvu kwambiri ndi kusintha kwa munthu. 

Izi zikutanthawuza kulowa mozama pazokonda zanu, zokonda zanu, ndi thanzi lanu. Mwinamwake mumalembetsa m'makalasi omwe munasiya zaka zapitazo, kudzipereka ku mapulani oyendayenda omwe anachedwa, kapena kukhala ndi mabwenzi omwe amakulimbikitsani. Kukula kumeneku ndi mankhwala ochiritsa kwa inu, koma kumawirikiza ngati galasi lowonetsa zomwe adataya. Mukangodzazidwa mwadzidzidzi ndi kuseka, chidaliro, ndi cholinga chatsopano, ndipamene mbola yeniyeni yachisoni imagunda mwamuna wanu wosochera. 

2. Khazikitsani malire okhazikika ndikukhazikitsa zotsatira

Muyenera kufotokoza momveka bwino pamene malire anu ali ndikukhalabe olimba. Katswiri wina wa zachipatala Dr. Raj Gupta akugogomezera kuti, “Malire akakhala osamveka bwino, amakhala opanda pake. Zotsatira zake zitha kutanthauza, 

• Kukakamira kuti apite ku uphungu
• Kuchepetsa mwayi wopeza katundu wogawana
• Kusunga ubale wapamtima mpaka atatsimikizira kudzipereka kuti asinthe 

Kusasinthasintha apa ndiye chinsinsi chifukwa kusinthasintha kumasonyeza kufooka. Malire omveka bwino muubwenzi amasintha ufulu wake kukhala udindo. N'zovuta kuti akhale ndi malire ndi kusungidwa ndi chingwe chachifupi, koma kusasangalala kumeneko ndiko komwe kuphunzira kumayambira.

3. Lankhulani zoona zanu, koma musatengeke ndi sewero

Ndizachibadwa kufuna kunena chilichonse chomwe chimakupwetekani, koma kumusiya ululu wanu wonse nthawi zambiri kumakubweretserani mavuto. Katswiri wolankhulana Valerie Brooks akulangiza kuti, “Lankhulani modekha komanso moona mtima za momwe zochita zake zinakukhudzirani, koma pewani kusinthirana mawu kosatha . Mukayamba kuvutika maganizo, mumataya mphamvu ndipo mumapitiriza kuvutika kwanu.” M'malo momufuulira kapena kumuyang'anira mndandanda wa zolakwa, sankhani nthawi yoti mufotokoze bwino momwe mukumvera kenako tengani nthawi yodzitetezera ku mabala obwerezabwereza amaganizo.

Pa Reddit, wogwiritsa ntchito adagawana, "Ndinakumana ndi mwamuna wanga kamodzi, ndikumufotokozera modekha momwe kubera kwake kunasokoneza chidaliro changa. Ndinasiya pambuyo pake. Chodabwitsa, kukhala chete kwake poyankha kunali kosokoneza kwambiri kuposa mkangano uliwonse.

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4. Khalani pafupi ndi anzanu ndi achibale, koma osati pafupi kwambiri

Kutembenukira kwa anzanu ndi achibale kuti mutonthozedwe ndikofunikira, koma pewani kusandutsa ululu wanu kukhala nkhondo yapagulu. Mlangizi wa zaubwenzi Jasmine Burnett anachenjeza kuti: “Kuchititsa manyazi mwamuna wanu pamaso pa okondedwa kapena kuchita zinthu mopambanitsa kungabweretse mavuto aakulu. M'malo mwake, funani chithandizo pazokambirana zamseri momwe mungathetsere ndikukambirana popanda chiopsezo chokulitsa mikangano.

Okondedwa anu amakhala msana wanu uku akusunga ulemu wanu. Mukufuna kulimbikitsa bwalo lanu lamkati kuti lithandizire machiritso anu, osayendetsa mikangano yambiri pakati pa anthu. Khulupirirani maunyolo awa kuti akudzazeni, osati kukhala zida.

5. Khalani osadziŵika, koma khalani okhazikika

Kusakhulupirika nthawi zambiri kumakula bwino pakuwongolera ndi kulosera. Mwamuna wanu akadziŵa bwino lomwe zimene mudzachite, akhoza kupeŵa zotulukapo zamaganizo za zochita zake. Dr. Anita Sethi anati: “Kuphwanya malamulo ndiponso kusadziŵika bwino kumachititsa kuti munthu wachinyengo asamaganize kuti ndi wokhazikika komanso wamphamvu.” 

Chifukwa chake, yankho losavuta la momwe mungapangire mwamuna wonyenga kuvutika ndikusintha nthawi zina nthawi yanu, kutsatira zomwe amakonda mwadzidzidzi, kapena kukana kuchita zomwe amakonda nthawi zonse. Komabe, kusadziwikiratu sikutanthauza kupupuluma. Ndiko kumudabwitsa ndi ufulu wanu komanso zovuta zamaganizo, osati chisokonezo. Mumakhalabe olimba pa mfundo zanu zazikulu ndi zosowa zanu, kuonetsetsa kuti izi zikukhudza mphamvu zanu, osati kukwiya kokha.

6. Lolani zovuta zalamulo ndi zachuma zilankhule mokweza

Nthawi zina uthenga wovuta kwambiri umakhala wozikidwa pa zenizeni. Loya Melissa Chen akufotokoza kuti, “Makonzedwe a zachuma akamveketsedwa bwino ndi kukhazikitsidwa kwa chitetezo chalamulo, zimatumiza uthenga womveka bwino, wosakayikitsa: Pali zotulukapo pano, ndipo ndili wofunitsitsa kudziteteza.” Izi zitha kukhala zowawa, koma m'mabanja ovuta, makamaka ngati ana kapena katundu akukhudzidwa, kusagwirizana ndi ndalama kungakhale kothandiza kwambiri.

Kutenga masitepe monga kufunsira kwa loya, kulekanitsa ndalama, kapena ngakhale kukhala kutali kwakanthawi kumapangitsa mwamuna wanu kuyang'anizana ndi mtengo weniweni wa kuperekedwa kwake kuposa kutengeka mtima. Imatanthauziranso mgwirizano kuchokera pamwayi kupita ku zokambirana. Chen akuwonjezera kuti, "Zochita izi zimavuta kwambiri chifukwa zimakhudza moyo ndi chitetezo, zonse zomwe obera samazinyalanyaza pakapita nthawi."

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7. Sankhani machiritso mmalo mwa kubwezera, ndipo yang'anani mbola imeneyo

Ngakhale zimamveka ngati zosokoneza, kuchiritsa kumatha kukhala njira yovutirapo kwambiri yomwe mumayika kwa mwamuna wachinyengo. Katswiri wa zachipatala Dr. Karen Silva anati: “Kaŵirikaŵiri anthu amapeputsa mphamvu ya kukhululuka, osati m’lingaliro la kuiŵala kapena kusonyeza kukhululukidwa kwa kulakwako, koma kudzikhululukira ndi kupita patsogolo.” Mwa kubwezeretsa moyo wanu popanda kukwiyira, mumachotsa m’maganizo amene wachinyengo akufuna kuugwira.” Izi zikutanthauza kuti simumawotcha milatho kapena kuchita zinthu zobwezera zomwe zimakuvutitsani. M’malo mwake, mumasankha mtendere.

Chifukwa chake, mukuwona, momwe mungapangire kuti kubera mwamuna kuvutike sikuyenera kuphatikizira kumenyedwa zazing'ono kapena masewera achibwana konse. Zonse ndi njira yosinthika, yosinthika pomwe mphamvu ili ndi inu. Kukula kwanu, malire anu, ndi ulemu wanu wosagwedezeka zimalankhula mokweza kuposa kukangana kulikonse. Ndipo kodi amenewo sindiwo mtundu wa kuvutika kumene iwo akuyeneradi?

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Langizo lathu lomaliza la momwe tingachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo ndi kukhala wamphamvu m'malingaliro ndi kupanga zosankha zovuta. Dziwani kuti ndinu amphamvu ndipo muyenera kukondedwa ndi ulemu padziko lonse lapansi. Musalole aliyense kuti akuuzeni zosiyana. Amuna amanyenga, momwemonso akazi. Maubwenzi si angwiro. Komabe, chofunika kwambiri ndi mmene mumachitira ndi mikhalidwe imeneyi ndikukula kukhala munthu wabwinopo ndi aliyense wa iwo. Moyo ndi wovuta, koma mwina ndikuyesera kutiphunzitsa ife phunziro.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.