Mwamuna Wanga Anamwalira Ndipo Ndikufuna Kuti Abwerere: Kupirira Chisoni

Chisoni chingakhale chofooketsa, kaya imfa ya bwenzi, kholo, ngakhale chiweto. Koma zingakhale zopweteka kuwirikiza kawiri kuona mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akufa. Ndipotu, timagawana nawo chilichonse, kaya ndi misozi ndi kumwetulira kwathu, zolephera zathu, kapena zopambana zathu zazing'ono. Ndipo ngati mumadziuza nokha kuti, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndikufuna kuti abwerere” kapena “Sindingathe kuthana ndi imfa ya mwamuna wanga”, musayese kudzipangitsa kuti mumvetse kuti imfa siipeŵeka. Izo sizigwira ntchito.

Nthawi zambiri, timakhala okonzeka kutayika, mwachitsanzo, munthu amene akudwala matenda osachiritsika, monga khansa. Koma chisoni chingakugwereni ngati mphezi pamene imfa yadzidzidzi ichitika. Kafukufuku wina anafufuza momwe chisoni chotayika mnzanu chingayambitsire "mavuto amaganizo ndi othandiza" mwa okalamba, makamaka omwe akuvutika ndi matenda.

Ndiye, mukudabwa momwe mungathanirane ndi chisoni cha imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Kodi n'zovuta bwanji kubwerera ku moyo wabwinobwino pambuyo pa imfa yotereyi? Kodi mumaiwala imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Pitirizani werengani, pamene tikukuthandizani kupeza zovuta za imfa ya mwamuna wanu, ndi malangizo ena othandiza kuthana ndi chisoni chotere kuchokera kwa mlangizi wathu waubwenzi Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri paubwenzi, kutha kwa banja, ndi uphungu wa LGBTQ.

Mwamuna Wanga Anamwalira Ndipo Ndikufuna Abwerere - Nkhani Yachisoni Ndi Kulakalaka

"Sindingathe kupirira imfa ya mwamuna wanga." Kodi mumamvabe mukunena izi zaka kapena miyezi pambuyo pa imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Ndikutsimikiza, izi ziyenera kuti zidakusiyani mukuganiza kuti mungadutse bwanji imfa ya mwamuna wanu. Ndipo choyipa kwambiri n’chakuti, pokhapokha ngati wina wamva zowawa za kutaya bwenzi lake mpaka imfa, sadzatha kumva kutaika ndi zowawa zimene zimatsatirapo. Tikusimbirani nkhani imodzi yotere ya kutaika. Ndi nkhani yayitali komanso yomwe ingakupangitseni kulira.

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Nkhani yeniyeni ya chisoni iyi ikunena za Nancy, mnzanga wochokera ku Colorado. Nancy, mphunzitsi wa sukulu wazaka 40, ndipo tsopano ndi mayi wamasiye , adataya mwamuna wake, George, yemwe anakhala naye m'banja zaka 15, chifukwa cha matenda a mtima osayembekezereka. Banjali linali ndi ana aamuna awiri aang'ono, omwe anali ocheperapo msinkhu womvetsa kuopsa kwa imfa ya abambo awo.

Nancy adachita mantha ndipo adachita opareshoni ya autopilot kwa sabata imodzi pambuyo pa zomwe zidachitikazo. Chisoni ndi imfa zidamupangitsa dzanzi, moti analira kamodzi kokha, payekha, pambuyo pa maliro a mwamuna wake, ali yekha pabedi pawo. Nditakumana naye George atamwalira, iye anangonena kuti: “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndikufuna kuti abwerere” ndiponso “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira pamaso panga.” Sindikukhulupirirabe zimenezi.

Iye ankaona kuti ayenera kukhala wolimba kwa ana ake aamuna awiri. Anazindikiranso kuti udindo wonse wa mwamuna wake tsopano unali wake. Kwa milungu ingapo, iye anadutsa m’moyo ngati kuti anali kungochita zongochitika zokha: kudya pamene inali nthaŵi yoti adye, kupita m’chipinda chake usiku, ndi kugona pabedi lake, osakhoza kugona. Anali kupuma ndi kukhala ndi moyo chifukwa cha ana ake ndi ntchito zake zokha. Patapita nthawi, thupi lake silinathenso kupirira. Tsiku lina labwino, anagwa, ndipo pambuyo pake anayamba kudwala.

Sipanapatsidwe mpaka pamene anali kuyang'ana zithunzi zingapo zakale za mwamuna wake pa foni yake usiku wina kuti zenizeni zinamukhudza iye, ndipo pamene iye anayamba kulira, iye sakanakhoza kuima. Sanafune kupitirizabe ndipo sanathe kupitiriza maonekedwe ake.

Posakhalitsa anakumana ndi vuto la kuvutika maganizo ndipo sankatha kuchita zambiri popanda kutopa konse. Anataya chilakolako cha chakudya ndi tulo. Zotsatira zake zinali zochepetsanso thupi. Chilichonse chinkaoneka ngati chopanda phindu. Zinali ngati kuti wataya cholinga chake. Ndikukumbukira akunena panthawi yoyimba foni panthawiyi, "Ndatayika kwambiri popanda George. Ndasowa mwamuna wanga kwambiri kuyambira pomwe anamwalira. Ndikumva ngati chiwanda ndipo ndilibe chilakolako chotuluka, ngakhale kukagula zakudya. Nthawi zina, ndimamva ngati ziwalo zanga zachita dzanzi. Ndimalira tsiku lililonse chifukwa cha mwamuna wanga womwalirayo."

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Patatha mwezi umodzi ali m'derali, achibale ake a Nancy adamupempha chithandizo chamankhwala komanso zamaganizo. Ana ake aamuna anam’limbitsa mtima kuti apitirizebe kutero, ndipo anatenga galu, amene anam’patsa chitonthozo chimene anafunikira kwambiri. Posakhalitsa, anachira mokwanira kuti agwirenso ntchito. Koma nthawi zina amabwerera ku kuvutika maganizo. Komanso nthawi zambiri ankatukwana Mulungu. Amakhala wokwiya kwambiri masiku ena, pomwe amangokhalira kumenya aliyense womuzungulira.

Pambuyo pa pafupifupi theka la chaka cha chithandizo cha akatswiri, ndi chichirikizo cha banja lake, Nancy potsirizira pake anadzimva ngati iye mwini. Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo zimayamba kuonekera nthawi ndi nthawi, zinthu zinali zotheka. Nkhani ya Nancy imatiwonetsa kuti chisoni sichinthu chomwe timakulira, koma mozungulira.

Mmene Mungalimbanire Ndi Chisoni Chotaidwa Mnzathu—Katswiri Wathu Akufotokoza

Tsopano popeza taona mmene chisoni cha imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi chingakhalire champhamvu ndi mmene chingafooketse chifuno chanu chogwira ntchito m’chitaganya kapena kuchita zinthu za tsiku ndi tsiku, tiwona mmene chisoni chingathetsedwere kapena kulimbana nacho. Koma izi zisanachitike, tiwona ngati chisoni chingathe kugawanika ndikuwoneka ngati vuto lomwe lingathe kuthetsedwa.

Akatswiri ambiri a zamaganizo, kuphatikizapo Dhriti , amakhulupirira kuti pali magawo 5 a chisoni kapena kuferedwa. Ngakhale akatswiri ena amakhulupirira kuti pali magawo 7, anthu ambiri amanena kuti pali magawo 5.

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Magawo a chisoni, kachiwiri, si nthawi zonse amakhala olunjika. Ndipo si omaliza komanso ocheperako, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti anthu nthawi zambiri amapita patsogolo ndi kubwerera pakati pa magawo. Palibe nthawi yokhazikika yogwirizana ndi magawo aliwonse. Komabe, mabuku ofotokoza za matenda amisala DSM 5 TR ndi ICD 10 amanena kuti kumwalira kulikonse komwe kumatenga nthawi yoposa miyezi 12 ndikofunikira kwambiri ndipo ndi chizindikiro cha matenda a kumwalira kosatha.

Magawo achisoni

Ndiye, kodi magawo 5 a chisoni ndi ati? Tidziwe:

• Dana: Umu ndi momwe anthu amavutikira kuyang'anizana ndi zenizeni za kutaya kwawo, makamaka ngati chifukwa cha imfa yadzidzidzi. Dhriti anati: “Kusintha kwakukulu ndi zowawa za kuvomerezedwa n’zowawa kwambiri moti sangapirire.” Ambiri amakhala dzanzi m’maganizo. kumva kuti alibe kanthu, kapena kudzipatula kumadera omwe akuwazungulira (derealization). Ambiri amamva kuti munthuyo akadali nawo, amamva mawu awo, kapena amamva ngati alipo.” Ena amakhulupirira kuti "kugwedezeka" kumakhalapo asanakanidwe, koma ambiri amaona kuti kugwedezeka ndi mbali ya kukana
• Mkwiyo: Imfa ndi yankhanza komanso yopanda chilungamo, ndipo mkwiyo ndi yankho lachibadwa pa izi. Mkwiyo umenewu ungalunjikitsidwe kwa olamulira apamwamba, kwa munthu wakufayo, kwa okondedwa ena, ndipo ngakhale kwa iwe mwini. Mungaganize kuti, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira popanda chenjezo lililonse.” Dhriti anawonjezera kuti: “Mkwiyo woterowo nthawi zambiri umayendera limodzi ndi kudzimvera chisoni pa zinthu zonse zimene munthu ayenera kuti analakwitsa, chikondi chimene sanasonyezerepo, ndi zina zotero.

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• Kukambirana: Munthawi imeneyi, munthu amatanganidwa ndi "bwanji ngati". Dhriti akuwonjezera kuti: “Amangokhalira kudabwa chimene akanachita kuti atetezeke.” Iwo amapitirizabe kupeŵa zenizeni zawo, ndipo m’malo mwake amagwiritsira ntchito zakale monga njira yopulumukira.
• Kusokonezeka maganizo: Iyi ndi siteji yachisoni chachikulu ndi zowawa. Kuzama kwachisoni kumamveka pano ndipo nthawi zambiri sikufanana ndi ululu wina uliwonse womwe mudamvapo kale. Anthu ambiri amati chisoni ndi ululu wosaneneka umene sutha. Zizindikiro zakukhumudwa zoonekeratu, ndipo ngati sizikusamalidwa bwino, zingagwere m’maganizo mosavuta. Apa ndi pamene munthuyo anganene kuti, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndasungulumwa kwambiri.”
• Kulandira: Gawo lomaliza lachisoni ndilo lamtendere kwambiri koma lopwetekabe. Dhriti anati: “Nthawi imeneyi ndi yoti tigwirizane ndi mmene zinthu zilili panopa komanso zimene zidzachitike m’tsogolo, pamene munthu womwalirayo kulibe.”

Tsopano popeza tadziwa momwe chisoni chimagwirira ntchito, ndikofunikira kukonza mapulani othana ndi chisoni, m'malo molola kuti chikhale chopambana kwa inu. Popeza chisoni sichimafanana ndipo sichimatsatira nthawi yokhazikika, palibe njira yothetsera chisoni. Komabe, pali malangizo angapo omwe ayesedwa ndi oyesedwa omwe angagwire ntchito kwa anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi chisoni cha imfa ya wokondedwa. Katswiri wathu Dhriti walemba malangizo 9 pansipa:

1. Muzidzisamalira nokha

Kodi mukudabwa momwe mungapirire imfa ya mwamuna wanu? Gawo loyamba lothana ndi chisoni chachikulu ndikudzisamalira, mwakuthupi komanso m'maganizo. M'malo mobwerezabwereza kuti, "Mwamuna wanga wamwalira ndipo ndili ndekha," anthu ayenera kuyang'ana kwambiri kubwerera ku chizolowezi chawo ndikuwononga ndalama zambiri pa chisamaliro chawo ndi moyo wawo.

Dhriti anawonjezera kuti: “Munthu sayenera kudumpha kudya. Muyenera kukhala ndi zakudya zopatsa thanzi ngakhale kuti simukufuna kutero, ngakhale zitakhala zongochitika mwadongosolo.” M’pofunika kwambiri kukumbukira kuti moyo sumathera kwa aliyense ndipo amoyo sangakwanitse kukakhala nawo kwa akufa.

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2. Dzizungulireni ndi okondedwa anu

Imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zothanirana ndi ululu wa imfa ya mwamuna wanu ndiyo kuuzako gulu la anzanu odalirika. Kumbukirani kuti musadzipatule pa nthawi ya imfa yoteroyo. Lankhulani nawo, ngakhale mutakhala dzanzi ndipo simungathe kunena chilichonse koma, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndikufuna kuti abwerere.”

Dhriti akuwonjezera kuti, “Pali chitonthozo pogawana chisoni, ndipo kusonkhana ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yochiritsira, ngakhale mutangonena kuti “Mwamuna wanga wamwalira.” Komanso, mawu abwino angagwire ntchito ngati matsenga nthawi ngati izi.” Chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi chifundo kuchokera kwa abwenzi ndi okondedwa ndi zinthu zitatu zomwe akazi amasiye amafunikira kwambiri panthawiyi. Amakhulupiriranso kuti gulu lothandizira labwino nthawi zina lingapewenso zizolowezi zodzipha.

3. Tengani pang'onopang'ono

“Ndimalirira tsiku ndi tsiku mwamuna wanga amene anamwalira” — si zachilendo kwa mkazi wamasiye kukhala m’mkhalidwe umenewu miyezi ingapo atataya mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Munthu ayenera kukumbukira mfundo yakuti kuchira ku imfa ndi ulendo wautali ndipo munthu sangachire usiku wonse, ngakhale atakhala wamphamvu bwanji. Kungodutsa tsikulo kungakhale kupambana. Munthu safunikira kulowa nawo masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi yomweyo kapena kuchita masewera ena atsopano kuti asangalale ndi moyo ndikuyiwala chisoni cha imfa yadzidzidzi.

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Dhriti akuona kuti: “Kuchita chilichonse tsiku limodzi ndi kudzichitira chifundo n’kofunika kwambiri kuti upirire kutaya koteroko.” Ndi bwino kumangoyang’ana pa sitepe yotsatira imene muli nayo, m’malo momangokhalira kukakamira kuti “Ndinaferedwa mwamuna wanga” nthawi zonse kapena kupanga dongosolo lokhalitsa la machiritso.”

4. Landirani zakukhosi kwanu

M'malo mochita mantha ndi kuyika malingaliro anu pansi pa kapeti, alandireni, kaya akhale otani. Izi zingapewe mavuto ena azaumoyo . Chifukwa chake, mutha kukwiya, kukwiya, kapena kukhala achisoni kwambiri. Mutha kukwiya kwambiri kapena kulira mosatonthozeka. Mutha kufuula kuti, "Mwamuna wanga wamwalira mwadzidzidzi komanso mosayembekezereka, ndipo sindikuvomereza!", pakati pausiku.

Dhriti anawonjezera kuti: “Kutengeka maganizo kumeneku n’kwachibadwa, n’koyenera, ndiponso kuli ndi cholinga chake.” Kumva chisoni kulikonse kumakuthandizani kuti muchepetse kutayikidwa kwanuko.

5. Lankhulani za ululu wanu

Kulankhula za munthu amene mwamutaya ndi kumukumbukira kumathandiza kwambiri pa nthawi yachisoni ndipo ndi njira imodzi yabwino yothetsera kuvutika maganizo komwe kumakugwerani panthawiyi. Ndipo mwa 'kulankhula', sitikutanthauza kungolankhula za ululu wamaganizo womwe mwamuna wanu wamwalira. Gawani izi pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, lembani magazini, pangani ma blog pokumbukira wokondedwa wanu — chitani chilichonse chomwe chingafunike, ngakhale mutangonena kuti, "Mwamuna wanga wamwalira ndipo ndikumufunanso."

Dhriti akuona kuti, “Chisoni chingakhale chodzipatula, ndipo kuyankhula mokweza, ngakhale zitakhala kuti “Ndamusowa mwamuna wanga amene anamwalira” pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, kumabweretsa vuto lalikulu.

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6. Sungani zokumbukira

Osataya kapena kubisa zinthu zomwe zimakukumbutsani za wokondedwa wanu yemwe adatayika. M'malo mogwidwa ndi mawu akuti, "Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndikufuna kuti abwerere", sungani kukumbukira - zithunzi, mphatso, ndi zokumbukira - chirichonse chomwe chimakukumbutsani za wokondedwa wanu wakufayo.

Mnansi wanga, Brenda wazaka 50, yemwe mwamuna wake anamwalira ndi matenda a mtima kunyumba, anati “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndili maso, ndipo zinali zopweteka kumusiya. Dziko langa linasintha mofulumira kwambiri mwamuna wanga atamwalira. Poyamba, ndinali wosweka mtima kwambiri, moti ndinali ndi zizolowezi zodzipha . Zomwe ndili nazo tsopano ndi zokumbukira zake ndi zinthu zazing'ono zomwe ankanena, zonse zinali muubongo mwanga. Ndili ndi malo opatulika m'chipinda chathu chogona, ndi zinthu zake zonse ndi zokumbukira za masiku ake oyambirira. O, ndimamusowa kwambiri mwamuna wanga wokondedwa!” Dhriti akuwonjezera kuti, “Kusunga zokumbukira kumakuthandizani kuzindikira kuzama kwa imfa yanu ndikuyamba kuivomereza, pakapita nthawi.”

7. Musakhale amphamvu nthawi zonse

Kudzikakamiza kukhala wamphamvu nthawi zonse pamene mukumva chisoni ndi imfa si njira yoyenera. Ngakhale mutapitiriza kunena kuti, “Ndimamukondabe mwamuna wanga wakufayo”, miyezi kapena zaka atamwalira, suli wofooka, ndiwe munthu. Chikondi choterocho n’chachibadwa, ndipo munthu sayenera kudziumiriza kuiwala imfayo mwamsanga.

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Dhriti akuona kuti, “Pali nyonga m’kuvomereza ululu wa imfa ya mwamuna wako ndi kuvomereza kuti ufunikira kuima ndi kupuma kwa kanthaŵi.

8. Khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha

Kuleza mtima ndi khalidwe labwino, makamaka pamene mukumva ululu wa imfa ya wokondedwa ndipo nthaŵi zambiri mumanena kuti, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndikufuna kuti abwererenso.” Choncho, khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha ndi ululu wanu. Wantchito mnzanga, Anna, yemwe mwamuna wake wokondedwa anamwalira pa ngozi ya galimoto kutatsala masiku 31 kuti akwanitse zaka 31, ananena izi kwa ine pambuyo pa zaka zingapo za chochitikacho: “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira mwadzidzidzi ndipo mosayembekezeka. popanda ine kumuphonya ndipo sindidzamuiwala mpaka kupuma kwanga komaliza.

Dhriti akuwonjezera kuti, "Dziwani kuti mutenga nthawi kuti mukhale bwino ndikukhazikika mu moyo watsopano ndikupanga zokumbukira zatsopano komanso kuti ululu wa mwamuna wanu womwalira sungatha nthawi yomweyo. M'malo mwake, pakapita nthawi, mudzaphunzira kukhala ndi ululuwo ndipo pamapeto pake mudzapeza chimwemwe."

9. Fufuzani ndi kulandira thandizo la akatswiri kuchokera kwa alangizi ndi magulu othandizira

Dhriti akuti, “Ngati mukuona kuti chisonicho n’chachikulu kwambiri moti simungathe kuchichita nokha ndipo muzingodziuza kuti, “Ndamusowa mwamuna wanga wakufayo” tsiku ndi tsiku, muyenera kupeza uphungu wa akatswiri kapena kupeza gulu lothandizira limene lili pafupi nanu. Pali zambiri zofunika pamoyo kuposa kungodziuza kuti, “Mwamuna wanga anamwalira ndipo ndimadzimva kuti ndine wotayika.” Pali magulu odzipereka omwe amathandiza anthu kuthana ndi kutayika koopsa kwa okondedwa awo, monga:

• Widows Connection: Pa chindapusa chapachaka, mutha kupeza osati kuthandizidwa ndi akazi amasiye okha, komanso thandizo lazamalamulo ndi landalama
• Ulongo Wa Amasiye: Mutha kulowa nawo gululi kwaulere, ndipo limayang'aniranso magulu angapo pazama TV
• Bungwe la National Widowers Organisation: Ili ndi gulu lothandizira laulere la abambo omwe akukumana ndi imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo ndipo amakonza zokumana pafupipafupi
• Soaring Spirits International Widowed Village: Ili ndi gulu laulele laufulu lomwe limapereka zochitika zosiyanasiyana zamunthu kuti mupiteko. Ilinso ndi pulogalamu ya pen-pal

Ndikukhulupirira kuti tsopano muli ndi lingaliro lomveka bwino la momwe mungapirire imfa ya mwamuna wanu kapena kuthana ndi malingaliro akuti “Ndimakondabe mwamuna wanga wakufa”. Munthu ayenera kumvetsetsa kuti ululu wotayika mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ungaswe mzimu wa munthu, kotero kuti angafunike kudzipatula ku dziko lapansi kwakanthawi kuti amvetsetse zinthu. Kupatula apo, monga momwe wolemba Mitch Albom adalembera mu Lachiwiri ndi Morrie , “Imfa imathetsa moyo, osati ubale.”

Koma kodi mumatha kupirira imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Chabwino, inde. Kuchira kungakhale kwautali, kapena kwaufupi, malingana ndi chifuniro cha munthuyo mphamvu ndi changu cha moyo. Koma moyo umapitirira pambuyo pa imfa, ngakhale imfa ya munthu amene mumamukonda - chikondi cha moyo wanu. Ndipo idzafika nthawi imene mudzalankhula mawu akuti, "Mwamuna wanga wafa", ndikuvomereza popanda misozi.

Ibibazo

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