Posachedwa ndatuluka muubwenzi wopindika ndipo - chenjezo lowononga - silinali lokongola. Kusweka kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse koma lingalirani kuti ali ndi mlandu wambiri 10x. Umo, anthu, ndimomwe ndinamverera kuthetsa ubale womwewu. Choipa kwambiri ndi chakuti kukhala pachibwenzi kunali kovuta, ngati sichoncho. Ndipo sizimangokhalira kukhudzana ndi chikondi. Ngakhale ubale wapabanja kapena waubwenzi ukhoza kukhala wopweteka komanso wopanikiza mukalowa. Zimatha kukuwonongerani nthawi yanu yonse, chidwi chanu, ndi mphamvu zanu zonse, kuwononga china chilichonse m'moyo wanu.
Imirirani, mukudziwa kuti kusokoneza ndi chiyani, sichoncho? Chabwino, mwanjira iliyonse, inu mungafune kuti muwerenge mopitirira. Pakuti m'nkhaniyi, tiona mwachidule za ubale enmeshed ndi kukambirana njira zina kukonza izo. Tili ndi mphunzitsi wachibwenzi Geetarsh Kaur, woyambitsa The Skill School yomwe imagwira ntchito yomanga maubwenzi olimba, kupereka malingaliro ake akatswiri pankhaniyi.
Kodi Kugwirizana Ndi Chiyani Mumayanjano?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Lingaliro la enmeshment nthawi zambiri ndi lovuta kulimvetsetsa mu maubwenzi. Kuli zoposa kungokhala paubwenzi ndi munthu. Geetarsh akufotokoza kuti: “Tikayamba kukondana, kaŵirikaŵiri timaiŵala zimenezo tiyenera kukhazikitsa malire. Nthawi zina, zomwe mumakonda kapena zomwe simukonda zimatsutsidwa kapena mnzanu amakuchitirani mosiyana ndi zomwe mumayembekezera. Koma popeza simukufuna kutaya munthu, mumayiwala kulemba mizere ndikuyitanitsa zovuta zamtsogolo. Umu ndi mmene chikondi chimaonekera m’banja kapena m’mabwenzi.”
Maubwenzi - makamaka achibale - akuyenera kukhala abwino komanso othandizira. Koma pamene pali chiwonongeko, mgwirizano wapadera umenewu umakhala pangozi. Tengani ubale wapakati pa mayi ndi mwana mwachitsanzo. Ziribe kanthu kuti amagawana chikondi chotani, ana aakazi nthawi zambiri amatha kuipidwa ndi kutengapo gawo kwa amayi awo m'moyo wawo chifukwa cha malire otsekeredwa.
Ganizirani za kugonana m'mabwenzi. Nthawi zambiri muzochita zomangika, m'modzi amamva ngati kuti akugwirizana ndi mnzake. Kutayika kwa kudziwika kumeneku kumabweretsa makhalidwe oipa ndi kusalinganika mu ubale. Kaya ndi achibale kapena achikondi, mgwirizano ukhoza kuchitika pamlingo wina mu ubale uliwonse wapamtima. Anthu okhudzidwawo amakankhirana wina ndi mnzake chifukwa sadziwa momwe angapemphere komanso kupereka mpata wawo. Zikatero, onse awiriwa ayenera kuyesetsa kuti agwirizane ndi kalembedwe kawo.
Zizindikiro Zosonyeza Kuti Muli Mu Ubale Wokhazikika
Pofotokoza za makasitomala omwe ali ndi maubwenzi osokonezeka, Geetarsh akusimba kuti, "Mkazi wanga waposachedwapa anakwatiwa mwamsanga kwambiri. Anali wodekha nthawi zonse. Pomvera makolo ake ndi apongozi ake, anali ndi ubale wofanana ndi mwamuna wake.
Koma iye anali wamng'ono kwambiri ndipo anali wosadziwa pamene analoŵa m'chibwenzicho. Sanadziŵe bwino lomwe kuti iye anali munthu wotani ndi zimene ankafuna pamoyo wake. Pamene anazindikira zimenezo, unansi ndi mwamuna wake unali utasokonezedwa kwambiri.
Mwaona, kukhala m’banja kumapangitsa kukhala kovuta kwa okwatirana kusiyanitsa maganizo awo ndi malingaliro awo ndi ena. Mabanja otere nthawi zambiri satha kusiyanitsa pamene wina athera ndi winayo. Maubwenzi osagwirizana, monga momwe tafotokozera pamwambapa, ndizovuta kwambiri kugwidwa.
Maubwenzi okhazikika amadziwika ndi anthu omwe ali ndi malire ochepa komanso osadziwika. Iwo anasakaniza; kutaya mtima wawo pakuchita izi. Sangayerekeze kukhala ndi moyo wosiyana. Chodabwitsa ichi sichimangokhala pa maubwenzi achikondi.
Ubwenzi wolimba ndi makolo ndi wofala m'mabanja omwe ali ndi vuto lolankhulana momasuka komanso momasuka. Mwana amene amavutika kusiyanitsa maganizo ake ndi a makolo ake angakule ndi kudzikayikira. Tapanga mndandanda wazizindikiro zotsatirazi zomwe zingakuthandizeni kudziwa ngati muli paubwenzi wolimba.
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1. Mwataya mtima
Ngati zoyesayesa zanu zonse zikuyang'ana kuti mulandire chivomerezo cha mnzanuyo, mwatero sanadziwike kuti ndinu ndani mu chiyanjano. Monga momwe Geetarsh akunenera, “Iwe tsopano uli wa munthu wina.
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zowoneka bwino zaubwenzi wokhazikika ndi pamene zimakuvutani kuchita chilichonse popanda mnzanu, ngakhale zinthu zomwe sizikusowa thandizo lililonse. Simungayerekeze kukhala tsiku popanda mnzanu. Pali mantha aakulu akatuluka m’chipindamo kuti sadzabweranso.
2. Okondedwa anu akuda nkhawa ndi chibwenzicho
Anzanu kapena achibale akuda nkhawa ndi ubale wanu. Mulibe abwenzi ambiri kunja kwa ubale wokhazikika. Ubalewu umakhala wowononga, kotero palibe nthawi ya anthu ena kapena zochita. Mumada nkhawa kapena simumasuka mukakhala kutali ndi mnzanu.
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3. Mumaganizira wokondedwa wanu
Geetarsh akuti, "Ubwenzi wabwino uli pafupi ndi maubwenzi ofanana. Mukayika munthu wina pachimake, ndalamazo zimakhala zokhota. nthawi zonse amafunikira kutsimikiziridwa kwawo ndi kuvomereza.” Pamene m’banja muli chikole, akazi kaŵirikaŵiri amachita cholakwa chimenechi mwakuti amayesa kuwakondweretsa ngakhale zitawapweteka m’maganizo, m’maganizo, ndi mwakuthupi.
4. Mumaona kuti muli ndi udindo pa chisangalalo cha wokondedwa wanu
Mumaona kuti muli ndi udindo pa maganizo kapena mavuto a munthu wina. Mukuganiza kuti ngati simuthandiza, palibe amene angakuthandizeni. Mumapewa mikangano ndi munthu wina. Kusemphana maganizo kukachitika, kumakhala kokhumudwitsa kwambiri ndipo kumakhala kovuta kuthetsa. Amachita nsanje anthu ena akamakufikirani kapena akamacheza nanu. Iwo akhoza kukhala ndi vuto kulemekeza malo anu enieni.
Enmeshment Vs Codependency
Kukhazikika sikufanana kwenikweni ndi kudalirana. Kusiyana kwagona pa momwe anthu otsekeredwawo amadalirana wina ndi mnzake kuti athandizidwe m'maganizo ndi kukhazikika. Kudalirana kumadziwika ndi munthu m'modzi kudalira wina kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo zonse, pomwe kukhazikika kumachitika pamene anthu awiri kapena kuposerapo amakhala olumikizana kwambiri kotero kuti sangathe kugwira ntchito popanda wina ndi mnzake. Tiyeni tiwone chitsanzo kuti timvetsetse kusiyana kwa enmeshment vs codependency.
Jack amayesetsa kuthandiza mtsikana wake, Karen, ndi zinthu zazing'ono kwambiri. Amaona ngati njira yabwino yosonyezera chikondi akamadutsa mtawuni kuti amunyamule kupita kusitolo yaikulu. Nthawi zambiri amasiya ntchito yofunika kuti azikhala naye nthawi iliyonse Karen akakumana ndi mavuto. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, Jack samagawana nkhani zake ndi Karen ngakhalenso kumupempha thandizo.
Kodi mukuganiza kuti chingachitike ndi chiyani ngati chibwenzicho chikapitilirabe chimodzimodzi? Pali mwayi woti Karen azidalira kwambiri Jack, yemwe nayenso adzadzipeza kuti akuwonda kwambiri poyesa kukwaniritsa zofuna za mnzake - kaya zenizeni kapena zodziwikiratu. Koma popeza Jack sadalira Karen, ubalewu sungathe kugawidwa m'magulu osokonezeka. Izi, kwenikweni, ndi nkhani yachikale ya codependency pamene wina amatenga udindo wa wopereka, ndipo winayo amakhala wolandira.
Momwe Mungakhazikitsire Malire mu Ubale Wokhazikika?
Malire ndi ofunikira mu ubale uliwonse kuti ukhalebe wodzidalira komanso wodziyimira pawokha mu ubale. Koma kukhazikitsa malire kungakhale kovuta makamaka mu maubwenzi otsekedwa. Chofunikira kwambiri ndikuti, khalani wowona mtima nokha pazomwe mukufuna komanso zomwe mukufuna.
Muyeneranso kukhala okonzeka kulankhula momasuka komanso moona mtima ndi mnzanuyo. Ngati mungathe kutero, mwayamba njira yolondola. Pansipa pali njira zina zokonzera malire otsekedwa ndikukhazikitsa abwino:
1. Muzilankhulana momasuka
"Kulankhulana ndi njira yokhayo yokhazikitsira ndikusintha malire muubwenzi. Palibe njira yozungulira. Muyenera kugwiritsa ntchito zitsanzo zenizeni za moyo wawo kuti mufotokoze momwe iwo akuikira malire omwe mwavomereza ndipo ndi nthawi yoti achite zomwezo kwa inu. M'chidziwitso changa, zitsanzo zamoyo nthawi zonse zimagwira ntchito poyendetsa mfundo kunyumba, makamaka mu maubwenzi apamtima." akuti Geetarsh.
2. Yesani maganizo a mnzanuyo
Geetarsh akupereka lingaliro, "Ngakhale kuti kufotokozera zosowa zanu kwa wokondedwa wanu ndi sitepe yoyamba yoikira malire, iwonso ayenera kukhala ndi malingaliro abwino." Iyi ndi mfundo yofunika kwambiri kuiganizira. Kupatula apo, mukutsutsa momwe ubale wanu uliri poyesa kusintha malire ake. Izi zingayambitse mikangano yambiri ngati winayo sali m'maganizo kuti amvetse ndi kuvomereza kusintha kumeneku.
3. OSATI kupeŵa mikangano yofunikira
“Pamene kuli kwakuti kukweza mawu kungakhale kowononga makambitsirano, kutayika kwa mawu kungakhale kovulaza mofananamo ku unansi,” akutero Geetarsh. Kukonza ubale wolumikizidwa sikukhala popanda mtengo wake. Padzakhala ndewu ndipo ena adzakhala oipa. Koma pamene mukulimbana kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino, mumawona kuti nkhondoyo ikutha. Simuyenera kunyoza munthu wina. Koma ngati kulankhula choonadi chofunika kudzakhala kopweteka, zikhale choncho.
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Maubwenzi omangika amatha kukhala ovuta kuwongolera. Ngati mukuona ngati muli paubwenzi wolimba, m'pofunika kudziikira malire ndi kuphunzira kulankhulana bwino. Ngakhale kuti ndi ntchito yovuta, ndiyofunika kwambiri kwa onse omwe ali pachibwenzi. Ndikofunika kupeza chithandizo ngati mukuona ngati simungathe kulamulira moyo wanu. Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yathandiza. Kuti mudziwe zambiri, chonde lumikizanani ndi gulu lathu la akatswiri.
Ibibazo
Kuthetsa ubale wobisika sikophweka. Zitha kukhala zovuta kwambiri kudzichotsa paubwenzi womwe wakula kwambiri. Chofunika kwambiri nsonga pamene kutsiriza enmeshed maubwenzi ndi kukhala osadziwika kwathunthu. Muyenera kufotokoza momveka bwino kuti chibwenzicho chatha ndipo simukufuna kubwerezanso kupwetekedwa mtima kumeneku pazifukwa zilizonse. Kumbukirani kuti muyenera kukhala osangalala komanso athanzi, komanso kuti moyo wanu umakhala woyamba.
Narcissistic enmeshment ndi mtundu wa kusokonekera kwa ubale komwe m'modzi amadalira mnzakeyo kuti atsimikizire ndikudzifotokozera yekha. Nthawi zambiri zimawonekera m'maubwenzi pomwe wina amakhala ndi vuto ndipo wina amakhala wodalira.
Mnzawo wa narcissistic amafuna chidwi ndi kusilira nthawi zonse, pomwe mnzake wodalirana amasiya zomwe ali ndikukhala wofunitsitsa kukwaniritsa zosowa za mnzake. Izi zimapangitsa kuti pakhale nthawi yodalirana ndi nkhanza zomwe okondedwa wawo sangakwanitse kupeza zosowa zawo.
Ubwenzi wa makolo ndi mawu omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito kufotokoza ubale umene makolo amatanganidwa kwambiri ndi moyo wa mwana wawo. Izi zingawonekere pamene makolo amayesa kulamulira mwana wawo nthawi zonse kapena kukhala osuliza mopambanitsa. Akatswiri ena akukhulupirira kuti kugwirizana kwa makolo kungakhale kwachipongwe, chifukwa kungawononge luso la mwanayo lokhala ndi maunansi abwino akadzakula.
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