Mitundu 7 Yachinyengo - Ndi Chifukwa Chake Amabera

Ndikanena mawu oti "wonyenga," mumaganiza chiyani nthawi yomweyo? Mwina munthu amene amachita zogonana kunja kwa chibwenzi, sichoncho? Chabwino, kunyenga, mnzanga, kwenikweni ndi kovuta kwambiri kuposa pamenepo. Anthu amene amachita chinyengo amayendetsedwa ndi zifukwa zosiyanasiyana, kutengera mtundu wa umunthu wa anthu onyenga. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mudawonerapo kanema wa Last Night ? Ndi nkhani yokhudza momwe banja limagwirira ntchito, komwe okwatirana onse awiri amakopeka ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kusakhulupirika pambuyo pa mkangano waukulu. Imafotokoza zovuta za maubwenzi ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zomwe anthu angakhalire osakhulupirika.

Mwaona, onyenga ena amatengeka ndi makhalidwe monga narcissism kapena ufulu. Ena amabera chifukwa chotopa kapena kudziona ngati wosafunika. Ena amasangalala ndi nkhani zachinsinsi, zokhala mozembera ndi kuthawa. Ena amabera chifukwa choopa ubwenzi. Ndiye palinso ena amene amabera anzawo chifukwa chakuti sakukwaniritsa zosoŵa za m’maganizo kapena zakuthupi muukwati wawo. Kubera ndi nkhani yovuta kwambiri. Choncho, tikamalankhula za mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kusakhulupirika, zimapitirira kuposa ubwenzi wakuthupi. Tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa zifukwa zimene anthu amabera. Cholinga chathu ndikuthandiza owerenga athu kupanga maubale olimba komanso okwaniritsa.

Mitundu 7 Yachinyengo - Ndi Chifukwa Chake Amabera

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Esther Perel ananena kuti: “Chifukwa cha kusudzulana masiku ano si chifukwa chakuti anthu sali osangalala, koma chifukwa chakuti amadzimva kuti akhoza kukhala osangalala. amadzifunsa mafunso ngati …

Monga momwe Esther akunenera, kusakhulupirika ndi kovuta kwambiri komanso kozama kuposa momwe kumaonekera pamwamba. Chifukwa chake, kuti timvetse zifukwa za mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chinyengo kapena kusakhulupirika, choyamba tiyenera kudziwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chinyengo:

1. Wachinyengo wodziwononga

Mtundu woyamba pa mndandanda wa mitundu ya onyenga ndi - munthu amene nthawi zonse amadziwononga yekha. Onyenga otere amaopa kuthetsa chibwenzicho moti amachita zinthu zomwe zimakankhira mnzawo kutali. Zili ngati akuyesera kuti apange zinthu zomwe zingakakamize wokondedwa wawo kuti asiye.

Wobera mnzake woteroyo angachite zambiri. Mwachitsanzo, amatha kuyambitsa sewero nthawi zonse paubwenzi wawo kuti alimbikitsidwe nthawi zonse ndi wokondedwa wawo. Ngati mukudabwa chifukwa chake odziwononga otere amabera maubwenzi, nazi zifukwa zingapo:

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Ngati mukudabwa chifukwa chake anthu odziwononga okha amachita zachinyengo muubwenzi, nazi mndandanda wa zifukwa:

• Pamene ubale ukupita patsogolo ndipo zinthu zikuyamba kukhala zovuta, mantha awo osiyidwa amawagonjetsa. Kenako amalowa m’njira yodziwononga okha. Zili ngati mantha awo ayamba kulamulira ndipo sangachitire mwina koma kuwononga zomwe ali nazo
• Pansi pamtima, amakhala ndi mantha okanidwa, ndipo zimawachititsa kukankhira okondedwa awo kutali asanamve ululu wokanidwa.
• Nthawi zina, mawonekedwe awo osatetezedwa amathandiziranso mchitidwewu, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuti akhulupirire ndikupanga kulumikizana kwabwino.
• Iwo ali ndi mantha aakulu kuti ufulu wawo wodziimira ukhoza kusokonekera muubwenzi wodzipereka. Chifukwa chake, kuti akhalebe omasuka kapena omasulidwa mokwanira, amayamba kuchita zinthu zodziwononga ngati kubera

2. Mitundu ya achiwembu - Ovulala

Pano tikulankhula za anthu ovulala omwe achita zachinyengo, omwe asiya kukondana ndi anzawo. Mwachitsanzo, Carol (27) wochokera ku NYC, akuti, "Ndinatopa ndi kuchita zomwe ndimayembekezera nthawi zonse. Ndinatopa ndi kukhala mayi wabwino, mkazi wabwino, komanso mwana wamkazi wabwino. Ndinkangofuna unyamata womwe sindinakhale nawo. Ndinkafuna kumva kuti ndine wotetezeka komanso wamoyo. Sindinkafuna munthu wabwino woti ndipite naye pachibwenzi, kapena munthu wabwino amene angandimvere moleza mtima. Ndinkangofuna munthu wina. Pamenepo ndi pamene ndinachita zachinyengo ndi mwamuna wanga."

Chifukwa chiyani amabera

Pachifukwa ichi, ichi ndi chifukwa chake anthu amabera:

• Kubera kotereku kumayamba chifukwa cha nkhani yozama kwambiri, monga kusowa chikondi komanso kupwetekedwa mtima paubwana.
• Kubera sikungokhudza kugonana kapena kugonana kwa iwo okha
• Zimakhudza kufunafuna chidwi, kudziona ngati wofunika, komanso kudzimva kukhala wapadera kwambiri

N’chifukwa chiyani munthu wobera sasonyeza chisoni? Zimandikumbutsa za Kris Jenner, yemwe ananyenga mwamuna wake, Robert Kardashian. Ponena za mnyamata amene anabera naye, anaulula m’buku lake kuti: “Anandipsompsona ndipo ndinam’psompsonanso. Ndinali ndisanapsompsone chotero kwa zaka 10. Zinandipangitsa kudzimva kuti ndine wamng’ono, wooneka bwino, wachigololo, ndiponso wamoyo. Pamodzi ndi maganizo amenewa ndinayamba nseru. Ndinkafunadi kutaya nthawi yomweyo.

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3. Chinyengo chosalekeza

Mukukumbukira momwe amayi ake a Rachel adamuuzira kuti, "Kale wachita zachinyengo, nthawi zonse amabwerezabwereza"? Nthawi zambiri, chiphunzitsochi chimagwiranso ntchito kwa anthu ochita zachinyengo nthawi ndi nthawi . Anthuwa nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi chizolowezi chomanama mopitirira muyeso. Pakati pa njira zosiyanasiyana zochitira zachinyengo muubwenzi, iyi ndi njira yomwe wachita zachinyengo amakhala ndi luso, machitidwe, komanso chidziwitso kuti asagwidwe. Amachita nthawi zonse.

• Tumizani uthenga kwa anthu ena
• Mapulogalamu ochezera a pa intaneti (Swipe dating apps)
• Ndipo gwirani ntchito zolumikizana

Chifukwa chiyani amabera

Koma n’chifukwa chiyani amachita zachinyengo poyamba? Nazi zifukwa zake:

• Kukhala ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana kumabweretsa chisangalalo komanso kuthamanga kwa adrenaline kwa iwo, chifukwa chake amachita chinyengo mosiyanasiyana.
• Nkhani zawo zodzipereka zimakhala zozama ndipo kudzidalira kumathetsedwa. Choncho amadzaza kusakwanira kumeneko pochita chinthu 'choletsedwa'.
• Pofuna kupewa kumva zomwe akumva, amangofuna zinthu zingapo zomwe sangakhale nazo
• Amatsala pang'ono kuthamangitsidwa chifukwa chokhala opanduka ndi kuswa miyambo

Ndipotu, kafukufuku wina wasonyeza kuti kupewa kuchita zachinyengo kumapangitsa anthu kumva bwino. Zimatchedwa kuti 'kukonda kwambiri munthu wochita zachinyengo.' Kuchita chinthu chosayenera komanso choletsedwa kumapangitsa anthu kuyika "zofuna" zawo m'malo mwa "zoyenera" zawo. M'malo moganizira zotsatira za nthawi yayitali pa mbiri yawo kapena ubale wawo, chidwi chawo chimangoyang'ana pa mphotho yanthawi yomweyo ndi zilakolako zanthawi yochepa.

4. Wachinyengo wobwezera

Kubwezera ndi nkhani yeniyeni. Ndipo ndikhulupirireni, anthu amatha kuchita zinthu zachilendo akafuna kubwezera. Tangoganizirani chitsanzo cha woseketsa Tiffany Haddish yemwe adagawana nkhani yake yobwezera. Iye adavomereza kuti, "Chibwenzi changa chinandibera pa kanema pa tsiku langa lobadwa. Ndinkamva ngati wandibera, choncho ndinaganiza zochotsa chimbudzi m'manja mwake." Ngati anthu ali okonzeka kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso monga kusamba ndi nsapato za nsapato, sizodabwitsa kuti ena angayambe kuchita chimbudzi kuti abwezere, eti?

Chifukwa chiyani amabera

Ndiloleni ndifotokoze zomwe zinachitikira mnzanga Serena kuti ndifotokoze bwino. Mnzakeyo adamunyenga, ndipo pochita zinthu zobwezera, adagona ndi mnzake wapamtima. Ankafuna kuti amupangitse kumva ululu womwewo ndi kuperekedwa komwe adakumana nako - "kulawa mankhwala ake" m'mawu ake. Mtundu uwu wachinyengo umachita zinthu chifukwa cha mkwiyo komanso khalidwe la 'tit for tat'. 

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5. Wonyenga maganizo

Kodi zizindikiro zakuti chibwenzi chikusanduka chikondi ndi ziti? Woyimba waku America Jessica Simpson adavomereza mu buku lake la Open Book kuti adali ndi chibwenzi chamkati ndi mnzake Johnny Knoxville, panthawi ya ukwati wake ndi Nick Lachey. Adalemba kuti, "Ndikanatha kugawana naye malingaliro anga enieni ndipo sanandiyang'ane. Amakondadi kuti ndinali wanzeru ndipo adavomereza zofooka zanga. Choyamba, tonse tinali okwatirana, kotero izi sizikanandikhudza kwambiri. Koma kwa ine, chibwenzi chamkati chinali choipa kuposa chakuthupi. Ndizoseketsa, ndikudziwa, chifukwa ndidayika chidwi kwambiri pa kugonana posachita izi ndisanakwatirane. Nditagonana, ndinamvetsetsa kuti gawo lamalingaliro ndilo lomwe linali lofunika ... Ine ndi Johnny tinali nalo, lomwe linkaoneka ngati kusakhulupirika ku ukwati wanga kuposa kugonana."

Chifukwa chake, ngati mukudabwa kuti ndi anthu amtundu wanji onyenga, muyenera kudziwa za munthu wonyenga mwamaganizo. Amapitirira mawonekedwe a munthu. Anthu onyenga mwamaganizo akhoza kukhala amodzi mwa mitundu ya anthu onyenga omwe ali ndi akazi omwe sapezeka mwamaganizo kapena omwe amagwira ntchito mopitirira muyeso. Monga momwe Jessica Simpson adanenera, 

• Chibwenzi chamaganizo chimayamba ngati ubwenzi kunja kwa ubale kapena ukwati
• Koma kenako, imakula kukhala mgwirizano wapamtima wozama womwe umaphatikizapo kukambirana kwa nthawi yayitali komanso kukondana kwambiri 
• Zingayambitse kapena sizingayambitse chibwenzi chakuthupi

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Chifukwa chiyani amabera

Tsopano, n’chifukwa chiyani anthu amagwiritsa ntchito kusakhulupirika m’maganizo? Kafukufuku wosangalatsawu wokhudza chifukwa chake anthu amachita chinyengo m’maubwenzi angatithandize kupeza mayankho. Gulu la anthu 495 (ambiri omwe ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha) omwe adavomereza kuti amachita chinyengo m’maubwenzi awo adasonkhana pa kafukufukuyu. Ofufuzawo adafunsa ophunzirawo chifukwa chake amachita chinyengo. Zinapezeka kuti ambiri a iwo anali ndi chikondi chamtundu wina ndi mnzawo wapamtima. Koma nayi gawo losangalatsa kwambiri: linali lofala kwambiri pakati pa omwe adanena kuti amamva kuti sakukondedwa kapena sakukondedwa muubwenzi wawo woyamba. Nazi zotsatira zazikulu za kafukufukuyu:

• Pafupifupi 62.8% ya omwe adatenga nawo mbali adavomereza kuti adawonetsa chikondi kwa mnzawo watsopano
• Chiwerengero chofanana, 61.2%, adakambirana nawo zachiwerewere
• Pafupifupi 37.6% a iwo anali ndi zokambirana zapamtima, pomwe 11.1% adanenanso mawu akuti "ndimakukondani"
• Zikuwoneka kuti kwa iwo omwe amadzimva kuti alibe kugwirizana kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wawo woyamba, chibwenzicho chinawathandiza kupeza njira yopezera chiyanjano chachikulu ndikukwaniritsa kufunika kolumikizana.
• Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti pamene kusakhulupirika kudachitika chifukwa cha kusoweka kwa chikondi paubwenzi woyamba, anthu omwe adakhudzidwawo adapeza kuti chochitikacho chinali chokhutiritsa kwambiri m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo. Zili ngati akufunafuna chikondi chosowa ndi kulumikizana kwina ndipo adachipeza pachibwenzi

6. Wakunyengerera yemwe ali ndi chilakolako chogonana kwambiri (komanso kudziletsa)

Haruki Murakami analemba m'buku lake lakuti Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World kuti, “Kukonda kugonana ndi mphamvu yabwino. Simungatsutse zimenezo. Sungani chilakolako chogonana mkati mwanu ndipo mumakhala opusa. Kumataya thupi lanu lonse. Kumakhudzanso amuna ndi akazi.” Choncho, kukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana si chinthu choipa kwenikweni. Ndipotu, kafukufuku wina wasonyeza kuti si anthu onse omwe ali ndi chilakolako chachikulu chogonana omwe amakhala osakhulupirika.

Koma anthu amene sadziletsa ndi amene amabera. Onyenga (makamaka ngati ali ndi chizolowezi chogonana) angakhalenso pakati pawo. Mchitidwe wa BDSM wa maphwando okhudzidwawo ukhoza kuyambitsa wachinyengo wamatsenga kuti achite chigololo.

Chifukwa chiyani amabera

N’chifukwa chiyani anthuwa amabera? Ngati akuona kuti zosowa zawo zogonana sizikukwaniritsidwa ndi mnzanu wapano, ponena za kuchuluka kwa nthawi kapena kunyansidwa, angayang’ane kwina kuti akhutire. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti chinyengo ndi choyenera kapena kuti mlandu kwa mnzanuyo ndi wolakwa.

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7. Wobera pa intaneti

Kukhala ndi nkhani za pa intaneti ndi njira imodzi yosiyana yochitira chinyengo paubwenzi masiku ano. Miyezo yosiyanasiyana ya chinyengo m'dziko lino la pa intaneti ndi iyi: 

• Kutumiza ma DM pa Instagram/Facebook
• Kutumiza ndemanga
• Kugwiritsa ntchito mapulogalamu ochezera a pa Intaneti monga Tinder
• Ndipo kutumiza maliseche kwa alendo

Kuyankhulana kumeneku pa intaneti kapena kubera anthu pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti kungatanthauze kapena kusatanthauza zochitika zenizeni.

Mu kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi akuluakulu 183 omwe anali pachibwenzi, ofufuza adapeza kuti:

• Oposa 10% a omwe adatenga nawo mbali adapanga ubale wapamtima pa intaneti
• Pafupifupi 8% adakumanapo ndi kugonana pa intaneti, ndipo 6% adakumanapo ndi anzawo pa intaneti pamasom'pamaso.
• Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti oposa theka la omwe adatenga nawo mbali adakhulupirira kuti kuchita chibwenzi pa intaneti kumatanthauza kusakhulupirika kapena kusakhulupirika. 
• Ziwerengerozi zinakwera kufika pa 71% pankhani ya kugonana pa intaneti ndipo 82% kwambiri pamisonkhano ya maso ndi maso.

Chifukwa chiyani amabera

Ndiye, popeza tsopano zaonekeratu kuti nkhani za pa intaneti ndi imodzi mwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kubera, tiyeni tiyankhe funso lakuti - ndi anthu amtundu wanji omwe amabera motere, ndipo chifukwa chiyani? Chabwino, pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zosiyanasiyana:

• Anthu ena omwe amadziona kuti ndi otsika atha kufunafuna kutsimikiziridwa ndi chidwi kudzera muzochita zapaintaneti. Atha kukhala otsimikiza komanso ofunikira ngati wina awonetsa chidwi mwa iwo (ndikosavuta kutsimikizira pa intaneti pambuyo pake)
• Ena angabere chifukwa chonyong’onyeka, akumalakalaka chisangalalo chimene sichinakhalepo muubwenzi wawo wamakono. Ndipo monga tikudziwira, dziko la intaneti ladzaza ndi mayesero
• Itha kukhalanso chizoloŵezi chofunafuna chidwi, komwe amasangalala ndi chidwi komanso mayankho a pa intaneti kuchokera kwa ena.
• Ndiwamanyazi kapena ali ndi zovuta zaumoyo, kapena kulumikizana ndi anthu m'moyo weniweni ndizovuta kwa iwo. Intaneti imapangitsa zotchinga izi kuzichotsa

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Mu nkhani yake yokhudza TED yotchedwa 'Rethinking Infidelity ... nkhani ya aliyense amene adakondapo,' Esther Perel akuti, "Pamtima pa chibwenzi pali chikhumbo ndi chikhumbo cha kulumikizana kwamalingaliro , zinthu zatsopano, ufulu, kudziyimira pawokha, mphamvu yogonana, chikhumbo chobwezeretsa mbali zathu zotayika komanso kuyesa kubwezeretsanso mphamvu pamene takumana ndi kutayika ndi tsoka."

Kaya anthu ndi achinyengo amtundu wanji kapena zifukwa zomwe akuchitira zinthu, kudzimva kuti ndi olakwa chifukwa chopereka mnzawo komanso kuvutika chifukwa choperekedwa kungawononge kwambiri thanzi la munthu. Kuchira ku mabala amenewa ndi kumanganso chidaliro kungasinthe moyo. Koma nthawi zina, ulendowu ungafunike thandizo la akatswiri. Apa ndi pomwe alangizi athu achifundo komanso ovomerezeka ochokera ku gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology angapereke chithandizo chamtengo wapatali kwa inu. Dinani apa kuti muwafikire panjira yanu yopita kuchireni ndikukula!

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu June, 2023.

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