Kodi Kubwezera N'kutani? Zinthu 7 Zoyenera Kudziwa

“Anakunyengererani, bwanji osangomnamizira?” Adatelo nzake wa Riri. Poyamba Riri zinkamveka zosamveka, koma akanama akanena kuti maganizowo sanamulowe m’mutu mwake. Mnzakeyo anawonjezera kuti: “Zidzamusonyeza mmene zimapwetekera. Kodi kubwezera chinyengo kungakhale njira yabwino yothetsera ululu, Riri adadabwa.

Lingaliro lonyenga mnzake kuti abwezere linkawoneka kuti limabwera nthawi zonse akamapita kokacheza ndi anzake. Sichinthu chophweka kupanga, makamaka ngati simukudziwa ngati chingakupwetekeni kuposa ubwino. Lingaliro la kubwezera munthu wobera mwachinyengo silimakopa aliyense, koma kwa ena, lingakhale lingaliro lokopa munthu akamakwiya, kupwetekedwa mtima, ndi kupwetekedwa mtima.

Kodi kubwezera kumathandiza? Kodi ndi njira yovomerezeka yosonyezera mkwiyo wanu? Kapena kodi izi zingapangitse ubale wanu woipa kale kukhala wosakhazikika? Tiyeni tiyankhe mafunso anu onse ofunikira mothandizidwa ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi kusamala Pooja Priyamvada (wovomerezedwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati, kusudzulana, kupatukana, chisoni, ndi kutayika.

Kodi Kubwezera N'kutani?

Tisanayankhe mafunso ngati kubwezera munthu yemwe wachita chinyengo kukuthandizani kuti mupite patsogolo kapena kubwezera munthu wachinyengo yemwe walungamitsidwa, tiyeni tiwonetsetse kuti tili patsamba lomwelo za zomwe zikutanthauza, ndi chitsanzo cha zomwe zidachitikira Riri. Ubwenzi wa Riri wa zaka zinayi ndi chibwenzi chake, Jason, unkawoneka ngati wolimba. Chikhulupiriro chawo chinali chosagwedezeka, ndipo onse awiri anali otetezeka kwambiri mu ubale.

Mkangano waukulu womwe anali nawo unali wokhudza amene ali bwino pa yoga, ndipo palibe amene anafunika kupambana bwino kuti atuluke mu zimenezo. Patatha mwezi umodzi Jason atapita paulendo wantchito, Riri anapeza mauthenga okhudza Jason akutuluka pakompyuta. Pambuyo pake, anamva kuti ananyenga ndi mnzake wa kuntchito . Tsatanetsatane womwe unatsatira unamupangitsa kukana ndi kukwiya, osadziwa kuti ndi iti yomwe inaposa iti.

Anauza bwenzi lake lapamtima, yemwe adamuuza kuti atha kubwezera kapena kuthawa. Iye anati: “Anakunyengererani, ndiye kuti mumamunyengerera. Monga momwe mnzake wa Riri amanenera, kubera kubwezera ndiko 'kubwezera' mnzanuyo atakukhumudwitsani mwanjira ina, makamaka chifukwa chakusakhulupirika.

Mukakumana ndi ululu woti mwanyengedwa , kuchita chigololo nokha kungaoneke ngati mankhwala omwe mukufunikira. Koma kodi n'zosavutadi? Kodi maganizo okhudza kubwezera amagwira ntchito bwanji? Ndipo kodi ndinu munthu woipa kwambiri poganizira zomwe zimatchedwanso kubwezera kusakhulupirika?

Lingaliro lokhalo likhoza kukusokonezani, ndipo mkwiyo umene mumamva chifukwa cha kuwonongeka kwa mnzanuyo mwina sikupangitsa kuti zinthu zikhale bwino. Musanapite kufunafuna momwe mungabwezere malingaliro achinyengo ndikufikira pamalingaliro amatsenga kwambiri, tiyeni tiwone mwatsatanetsatane za psychology yomwe imayambitsa kubera kubwezera komanso ngati kumagwira ntchito kapena ayi.

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Kodi psychology yobwezera chinyengo ndi chiyani?

Chochitika cha kusakhulupirika chingachititse kuti mnzanu wonyengedwayo achite manyazi komanso kusweka mtima. Chowonadi chakuti mnzanuyo wasankha mnzake wina kuposa iwo n’choipa kwambiri moti chingawononge kudzidalira kwawo. Kumva kupweteka, kuperekedwa , manyazi, ndi kumva kugonjetsedwa pang'ono - zonsezi zimasanduka mkwiyo waukulu. Kukwiya kumeneku kumatha kupangitsa anthu kubwezera chifukwa cha chinyengo m'banja ndi m'maubwenzi.

Zimachokera ku chilakolako chofuna 'kubwezera mwa nyukiliya' mwa kuvulaza munthu amene anawapweteka kwambiri. Maganizo a anthu omwe ali kumbuyo kwa chinyengo cha kubwezera mwa nyukiliya ali mu lingaliro loyambirira lakuti "Ndinabera chifukwa anabera/anabera" - khalidwe losavuta lobwezera. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina , anthu omwe amafuna kubwezera muubwenzi wachikondi amalimbikitsidwa ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya mikangano. Mwa iwo, 30.8% ya amuna ndi 22.8% ya akazi omwe adatenga nawo mbali adatchula kusakhulupirika kwa okondedwa awo ngati chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimayambitsa mikanganoyi.

“Kodi n’koyenera kuonera munthu wonyenga?” akudabwa munthu amene mnzake wake anagona ndi munthu wina. Ngakhale kuti kuonera pofuna kubwezera ndi chisankho chongoganizira, kafukufuku wina watchula zinthu zinayi zofunika zomwe zingakhudze chisankhochi kwambiri:

• Kaya mchitidwewo udzawabweretsera chiwonongeko china (kuchokera ku chikhalidwe kapena maganizo) komanso ngati kuli koyenera kulingalira momwe kubwezera kungawonongere wokondedwa wawo.
• Momwe amakwiyira munthu wonyengedwayo komanso ngati malingalirowa akupitilira kapena kuchepa pakapita nthawi
• Kaya lingaliro la kubera kubwezera likugwirizana ndi miyambo yawo ndi zipembedzo zokhuza kubwezera
• Kaya zinthu zina zakunja zingakhudzenso mnzake yemwe anali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina, kubweretsa chilungamo kwa mnzake wozunzidwayo.

kodi kubwezera chinyengo kumagwira ntchito?

"Ndingabwezere bwanji kwa mnzanga yemwe adabera?" - ndikuyimitseni pomwepo musanalowe mozama pokonzekera kubwezera mnzako. Mungasiyirenji, mungadabwe. Kodi si bwino kubera munthu wachinyengo? Chalakwika ndi chiyani kuwalawitsa mankhwala awo? Eya, mwina pali chinthu chimodzi chimene mungachite mwa kubwezera chinyengo muukwati kapena maunansi okondana, ndicho kuzunza mwamuna kapena mkazi amene munapangana naye maganizo kapena kukhudzana ndi munthu wina.

Koma nditha kukupatsani zifukwa zosachepera zisanu zomwe kubera kubwezera sikugwira ntchito ndipo kumatha kusiya zipsera zanthawi yayitali pamoyo wanu komanso maubwenzi anu:

• Choyamba, mumamva chisoni ndipo mukuchita izi mosasamala; uyu si yemwe inu muli. Mwachibadwa, kuchita zinthu zosemphana ndi chikumbumtima chanu kudzakuchititsani kuvutika ndi kudziimba mlandu
• Kuzunza wokondedwa wanu sikungachotse ululu wanu
• Thanzi lanu lamaganizidwe lingakhudzidwe kawiri tsopano popeza mukulimbana ndi mtima wosweka, kudziimba mlandu, ndipo pamapeto pake kudzikayikira.
• Komanso, mudapatsa mnzanuyo zida kuti ateteze zochita zawo ndipo zidzakhala zovuta kwambiri kwa nonse limbitsaninso chikhulupiriro muubwenzi
• Ndipo choyipitsitsa kuposa zonse, kuwonongeka komwe kungawononge ubale wanu kungakhale kopitilira kukonza

Polankhula pankhaniyi, mphunzitsi wa ubale ndi ubale wapadziko lonse Shivanya Yogmaya adauza kale Bonobology kuti, "Chowonadi ndi chakuti, kubwezera kungakupangitseni kuchita chinthu choopsa kwambiri. Kungakubweretsereni mavuto. Ndikofunikira kubwerera m'mbuyo m'malo mobwezera. Tsatirani lamulo loti musalumikizane ngati mukufuna zimenezo. Munthu winayo angayese kulowerera mu njira yanu yochira ululu. Chifukwa chake, ndibwino kuti musachite zinthu zokakamiza ndi mnzanu."

Kodi Kubwezera Kumakhala Kofala Motani?

"Ndakumana ndi makasitomala angapo omwe amachita zachinyengo pofuna kubwezera okondedwa awo. Komabe, si chinthu chofala kwambiri. Inde, ndi munthu kuganiza kuti ngati mnzanu wakulakwirani mwanjira ina, muyenera kumubwezera ndalama zomwezo. Komabe, nthawi zambiri, izi ndi mkwiyo wakanthawi. Malinga ndi zomwe ndakumana nazo, anthu ambiri sapita kukachita zinthu zosayenera ndi okondedwa awo," akutero Pooja.

Ngakhale ziwerengero za kusakhulupirika (kugonana m'maganizo ndi kuonera mwakuthupi) zalembedwa bwino ( 30-40% ya maubwenzi osakwatirana ndi 18-20% ya maukwati amakumana ndi kusakhulupirika), ziwerengero za kubwezera n'zovuta kuzipeza. Kafukufuku wina wa anthu 1,000 (wochokera patsamba lawebusayiti lomwe limalimbikitsa nkhani za anthu) adawonetsa kuti pakati pa omwe adafunsidwa, 37% ya akazi ndi 31% ya amuna adavomereza kuti anali ndi kusakhulupirika kobwezera.

Kubwezera munthu wakale kapena mnzanu si nkhani imene anthu amalankhula, ndipo sizimanenedwa kwambiri. Ngakhale zili choncho, chilakolako chofuna kubwezera pofuna kuvulaza mnzanu monga momwe amakupwetekerani n'zachibadwa. Mukapeza kusakhulupirika kofooketsa ngati kusakhulupirika, kuganiza mwanzeru kumachepa, ngakhale kwakanthawi kochepa. Ndi maganizo odziwikiratu obwezera.

Komabe, chomwe chimadalira, ndicho ngati munthu asankha kuchita izi kapena ayi. Kubwezera mwamuna/mkazi/mnzako wachinyengo kungaoneke ngati njira yabwino yochepetsera ululu panthawiyi. Kuti tiwonetsetse kuti chisankho chanu sichimapangidwa mopupuluma, tiyeni tiwone zinthu zomwe muyenera kuzidziwa za kubera munthu wachinyengo komanso zomwe akunena za inu. 

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Kungokhalira kunyenga mnzanu/mnzanu amene anakunyengeni (kukunyengererani mwakuthupi kapena m'maganizo) kumatha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zoyipa za tsogolo lanu limodzi. Mungadzanong’oneze bondo chifukwa cha zimene munapanga mutakwiya. Ngakhale kuti umunthu wanu wonse ungafune kuvulaza mnzanu amene wakuperekani, mkwiyo nthawi zambiri subweretsa zisankho zabwino. 

Musanalawe munthu kulawa mankhwala akeake, yesani kukumbukira zimene diso kwa diso limakwaniritsa. "Ndinanyenga mwamuna wanga ndipo tsopano akufuna kubera" kapena "Mnzanga ali ndi chibwenzi kuti abwerere kwa ine chifukwa chachinyengo" - maganizo ngati awa amangopangitsa kuti kusiyana pakati pa inu ndi mnzanuyo kukule. Ngati mukuganiza za kubera munthu wachinyengo kapena mukuganiza kuti zithetsa ululu womwe mukumva, tiyeni tiwonetsetse kuti mukudziwa zomwe mukulowa. 

1.Sindinu munthu woyipa pozifuna

"Kufuna kubera pobwezera, kuganiza kuti "Ndinabera chifukwa adabera / adanyenga" mwachibadwa. Mumakhala ndi maganizo oipa. Simuli munthu woipa, munthu chabe. Koma ngati mutachitapo kanthu pa zolinga zanu zachinyengo zobwezera, zidzakupangitsani kukhala okwiya komanso okwiya. Ndipo sikumeneko kutayika kwa mnzanuyo, koma kwanu. Ndizoyenera, koma kuganiza momveka bwino, ndi zomveka komanso zomveka. Pooja.  

Kubwezera maganizo olakwika okhudza kubwezera kumadalira pa malingaliro akuti walakwiridwa. Kukhululukira mnzanu wolakwika si chinthu choyamba chomwe muganiza mukapeza kusakhulupirika kotere. Mumamva kupweteka, ndipo mukufuna kuti amve ululu umene wakupatsani. Gawo lomwe mumamva malingaliro amenewa ndi lachibadwa ndipo ndife tonsefe. Komabe, gawo lomwe mumachitira izi silingakhale.

2. Nthawi zambiri, zinthu zimatha kuipiraipira 

"Pali njira zabwino zambiri zothanirana ndi mantha kapena kupwetekedwa mtima poyamba. Simufunikanso izi! Kutengera makhalidwe oipa a mnzanu sikungakupindulitseni konse. Mchitidwe wanu wobwezera usanabwezere zimakhudza wokondedwa wanu - zomwe zingakhudze kapena ayi - zingakhudze inu. M'malingaliro mwanga, kubwezera chinyengo mwamuna / mkazi / wokondedwa sikungakhale bwino, izi sizingakhale bwino. pomwe chifukwa cha kuthamanga kwa adrenaline koma m'kupita kwanthawi, zitha kuvulaza kuposa zabwino," akutero Pooja. 

Kodi kubwezera kuli koyenera? Nthawi zambiri, zitha kupangitsa kuti mayendedwe anu ndi okondedwa anu akhale oyipa kwambiri. Mwayi ndi, palibenso kukhululukira ena chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika, ndipo inu mudzakhala mu kuzungulira kubweretsa izo, kulimbana nazo, ndi kusewera mlandu masewera. Kuwona momwe mungachiritsire ndikupita patsogolo ndikufika pamalo abwino ndi chisankho chanu chabwino.

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3. Mukabwezera mwachinyengo, muchedwa kuchira 

"Kodi kubwezera n'koyenera? M'malingaliro mwanga, ayi. M'malo mogwiritsa ntchito nthawi ndi mphamvu kuti munthu achire ku kusakhulupirika kwa mnzawo , mphamvu zofunika, nthawi ndi chidwi tsopano zidzasinthidwa kukhala 'kubwezera' kwa iwo. Izi pamapeto pake zidzathetsa mphamvu zake zamaganizo," akutero Pooja.

Kubwezera chinyengo kwa mwamuna/mkazi/mnzako sikudzangosokoneza nthawi ndi mphamvu zofunika komanso kumapangitsa kuti muthawe mavuto akulu muubwenzi wanu. Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zowonekera bwino zachinyengo ndizoti mudzamva chisoni pambuyo pake kuposa momwe munachitira poyamba. Zingakupangitseni kumva ngati mukulowetsedwa mozama mu zowawa ndi zowawa za kuperekedwa m'malo mopita patsogolo ndikuchira.

4. Khalani okonzeka pazambiri za nkhani zodalirika

"Kubwezera chinyengo mwamuna/mkazi/mnzako sikoyenera kwa ubale kapena munthu.Zolakwa ziwiri sizingakonze.Mukuvutikira kale kuti mugwirizane ndi kunyengedwa, ndipo tsopano mungakhale ndi zovuta ndi nkhawa kuwirikiza kawiri.Kodi izi sizikhala chopinga kapena cholemetsa chowonjezera?

"Kudalirana ndi vuto loyamba pamene chinyengo chichitika. Ndipo pamene onse awiri akuchita chinyengo, mavuto okhulupirirana ndi kupwetekedwa mtima kwambiri kungakulire kwambiri ndipo ming'alu mu ubale wanu ingakhale yayikulu kwambiri moti simungathe kuikonza. Ngati mungasankhe kuyanjananso, inu ndi mnzanuyo muyenera kuyamba kuyambira pachiyambi, zomwe nthawi zambiri sizimakhala zosavuta," akutero Pooja.

Ndiye kodi kubwezera kuli kofunika? Inde, ngati mukuyang'ana chothandizira kuti muthe kutha. Kupanda kutero, kusinkhasinkha, "Ndingabwezere bwanji kwa mnzanga wobera?", Mwina sikuyenda kwanu bwino. Ngati mwaganiza zopita m'njira imeneyi, ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti zinthu zitha kuipiraipira pakapita nthawi. 

5. Zingakupangitseni kudzimvera chisoni kwambiri

Ngati mwakhala mu "Mnzanga/mkazi/mwamuna wanga adabera, tsopano ndikufuna kubera!" mkhalidwe, gwirani, bwererani mmbuyo, ndi kulingalira! Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zobwezera zobwezera ndizoti mudzadzimva chisoni zikachitika, ndikuwononga kudzidalira kwanu komanso kudzidalira kwanu.

Monga momwe Pooja akunenera, “Ndi mawu osonyeza malingaliro oipa monga mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, kusowa chochita, ndi kusowa mphamvu. Pakhoza kukhala njira zabwino komanso zopanga zowonetsera malingaliro awa.” Chifukwa chake ngati mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungachitire ndi wakale yemwe adakunyengani, mwina simukuyenera kumuchitira. Malinga ndi malingaliro athu, chinthu chabwino kwambiri choti muchite ndikugwiritsa ntchito lamulo loti musalumikizane.

6. Kulankhulana kudzakumasulani

Akatswiri a zamaganizo nthawi zambiri amamva nkhani kuchokera kwa makasitomala awo: "Ndinanyenga mwamuna wanga ndipo tsopano akufuna kubwezera" kapena "Ndinanyenga chifukwa mnzanga adandinyenga", ndipo, malinga ndi iwo, ndiye muzu wa zovuta zina. Maganizo obwezera ndi poizoni pavuto lomwe lingathetsedwe mwa kulankhulana momveka bwino pakati pa okondedwa.

Ngakhale ngati mukufunadi kubwereranso kwa iye, pali njira zina. M’malo mochita ndendende zimene anachita, onetsetsani kuti mukukambirana moona mtima za izo. Ngakhale zikhala zovuta, yesetsani kusakweza mawu anu ndi kusunga chiweruzo. Yandikirani zokambiranazo mwaulemu ndikuyang'ana pakupeza yankho, kapena kulingalira zomwe mungachite mtsogolo. 

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7. Ndizotheka kuwakhululukira popanda kuchita chinyengo 

Musanalembe mndandanda wa momwe mungabwezerere malingaliro onyenga, tengani kamphindi kuganizira kuti mwina simukuyenera kubwezera. Ngakhale zingawoneke ngati mapeto a dziko, kusakhulupirika ndi chinthu chomwe anthu awiri angachithetse, makamaka pogwiritsa ntchito chithandizo chamankhwala. Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri, gulu la alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito a Bonobology lili pano kuti likutsogolereni panthawi yovutayi muubwenzi wanu.

"Uphungu wa maubwenzi ndi chithandizo cha maanja ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera chinyengo kapena kusakhulupirika kwamtundu uliwonse, kaya ndi maganizo kapena thupi. Ngati onse awiri azindikira ndi kuvomereza kuti kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi ndiye njira yopita kwa iwo ndikusankha kuyanjanitsa, angafune thandizo la akatswiri kwa mlangizi wophunzitsidwa, yemwe angawathandize kuthana ndi malingaliro ovuta omwe amayamba chifukwa cha chinyengo ndi zotsatira zake," akutero. 

Kaya mukuyesera kudziwa momwe mungachitire ndi munthu wakale yemwe adakunyengani kapena momwe mungabwezere munthu wina chifukwa chakubera, kapena ngati kubera mosasamala kuli bwino, lolani kuti nthawi ipite ndikuganizirani modekha. Kodi ndizoyenera? Kodi kubwezera kuli koyenera? Mkwiyo ukatha, malingaliro anu mwina asintha pang'ono. Tikukhulupirira, tsopano muli ndi lingaliro labwinoko lazomwe mungachite kupita patsogolo. 

Nkhaniyi yasinthidwa mu June 2023.

Ibibazo

Chidule cha Magawo A Kulakwa Pambuyo pa Kubera

Zizindikiro 11 Zachinyengo Zokhudza Maganizo Ndi Zitsanzo

Khalidwe Pambuyo Kugwidwa Chinyengo - Zinthu 5 Zoyenera Kuyembekezera Ndi Zinthu 7 Zoyenera Kuchita

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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